Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Cache' Connections Arranged Blind Dates are quite popular! Some of you may have received our calls, where we are searching for potential dates for our "Asking Parties" through this personalized service. Yes, you read it right. Personalized service. You don't get that just anywhere!
These matchmakers have been busy little bees over the past several weeks, making calls, arranging dates and tracking feedback from one-on-one dates that we have personally arranged. Click the link above to read how this program works - and how we might work for you!
Here are a few of the folks on whose behalf we are searching:
1. A slender, petite 53- year old single-never-married female from the City of Chicago whose faith is very important to her. An accountant by day, she has a passion for helping children and also for remodeling and redecorating. She is looking for a guy who is content to spend time with her and a few close friends - not a big social scene.
2. A "young" 54- year old retired fireman from the City of Chicago. He leads an active lifestyle and enjoys a variety of activities, including a weekly Bible study. Communication is very important to him, as is a playful spirited gal who is game for trying new things.
3. A lovely 40- year old beautiful Italian woman from a suburb of Chicago. She strongly believes in abstinence before marriage and is also serious about education. Being a teacher with a Master's Degree has not satisfied her, as she is now studying special education. Her special guy will have at least a bachelor's degree and be accepting of her two children, whose father is a big part of their lives. He will also enjoy her love of cooking and hopefully be willing to dance and enjoy music along with her.
Outside of Chicago we are working with three gentleman from Central Illinois, ages 52, 48 and 73. If you would like more information about any of these Christian singles, please contact us!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Many members have taken advantage of the ridiculously low price of $44.99 for an ENTIRE YEAR at Cache' Connections. This is a reminder that Thursday at midnight marks the end of June and your last chance for these fabulous savings. Save over $100 on your One-Year subscription (new members or manual renewals) at cacheconnections.com by using promo code: SUMMER11
What else is hot? ... connection activity for those who have recently taken advantage of the Cache' Mentoring Services! Here's what one client stated recently: "Thank you very much for your insights and guidance. You have truly helped me be less "skittish"I guess you would say about this whole process. You've made me more comfortable with just being myself and knowing how to communicate online ..."
Another client recently wrote: "Thank you for mentoring me recently. It was a tremendous help in getting my profile narrative in shape and selecting photographs. In addition, I learned to compose concise personalized messages to the members with whom I wished to communicate. Your advice in selecting current members who would be most likely to respond was of great value ... I recommend the mentoring program especially to new members and to anyone who wants to get the most from their Cache Connections experience..."
Cache' Connections is committed to helping you find success in your dating life. Many times it just takes a few tweaks to your style to start seeing positive results. The Cache' Mentoring Services are a great value at just $75 for a two-week period. CLICK HERE for more details on how the program works.
Here are steps to renew your subscription and take advantage of the SUMMER11 promo code:
-login to www.cacheconnections.com with your username and password
-fill in your billing information under "Billing Management"
-click "update billing profile" at the bottom of the screen
-click the orange link under "Rebilling" that says "continue to checkout - manually update subscription"
-click on 12 month subscription length
-enter the correct promo code: SUMMER11
-enter your ccv again (last 3 digits on back of credit card)
-click "process order" at the bottom of the page
As always, contact us with any questions or problems getting registered.
Monday, June 27, 2011
We hear this type of question all of the time. In fact, we'd venture to say that most couples we know had an attraction imbalance to some degree at the onset. Please refer to my blog post from March, 2011 titled "The Adam Sandler Effect."
If we are completely honest, we all have dreams and ideals of what our perfect guy or gal will look like, whether it's based on Ken and Barbie, Mom and Dad, Mary Tyler Moore and Dick Van Dyke or, heaven forbid, The Simpsons. As a personal example, I recently learned that I wasn't really my husband's "type" that he was typically attracted to. (He was attracted to petite, dark women - humpf!) And to be quite honest, I loomed toward taller men. But there was some -- thing about him, his cute, shy little faces he made, his bright blue eyes and the fact that he was willing to actually take the risk and ask me out on the spot (no games, buddy system, etc.) made me say, heck, why not? An "A" for effort deserves a reward, right? 28 years later, I find myself continuing to reap the rewards of my decision that day to take a chance on my faithful loving husband, Cary.
This is our soap box on which we stand and will continue to preach it from the street corners for all to overhear: keep your mind open. Just this week we spoke to a member who has been dating her guy for a year and a half. At first, she wasn't sure she was attracted to his online photo, but she decided to give it a shot and return his message and eventually agreed to meet him. Long story short, they are now making plans to erase the 100 miles between them and become man and wife. They've had their share of issues to iron out - blending families, healing from past relationships and long distance dating are always a challenge. But I don't think "attraction" was an issue since their first meeting. They were immediately attracted to each others' hearts. And that, my reader friends, is the heart of the matter.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Yesterday I was speaking with a Cache' Connections member who signed up for the Cache' Mentoring Services. (Though this service is time-consuming and under-priced, I love it.) Having been married for several years, divorced for a few and new to the dating world, she felt a little lost. Like too many others, she told me that she never planned on being in this position, but here she is, and she was humble enough to reach out and ask for help.
Navigating the sea of relationships is challenging, and that is true from the tentative beginning until "death do us part." But dating can be especially confusing for Christians for many reasons. There is little guidance from the Church, but the world sends constant, heavy doses of the wrong approach to dating. In fact, it seems that many Christian singles have thrown in the towel because they silently suffer from anxiety and are fearful of rejection and being hurt (or hurt again.) These are among the many reasons why we produced the "Christian Dating ... Redefined" DVD featuring Dr. Stephen W. Simpson. Check it out!
First I want to remind you that there is no reason to be ashamed of that longing you have for a mate. Everyone has a basic desire to be known, understood and loved. And that engineering genius comes from God. The 2nd Chapter of Genesis, verse 18 says: "The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
What to do with that longing in the waiting can be tricky. It's important not to make finding a mate your do-all-end-all goal in life. Frankly, that just sends the message that you are desperate, and that is never attractive and is likely to attract unhealthy potentials. So be sure that you identity in Christ is secure and that you have other interests that will make you an interesting prospect. More about that in the DVD.
Back to what I wanted to say today ... my mentoring friend really appreciated the tips, advice and insights I gave her. It's funny ... at the onset of the call, I wasn't even sure what I was going to say. But I had prayed beforehand and asked God to help me help her, and I'm just now realizing, He did! After chatting a while about her connections, she admitted that she was perhaps too quick to dismiss some possibilities, and we saw her eyes being opened on some new approaches to communication and how men tend to think. But I don't want to give away all my secrets.
My point is, whether you are single, married, in college, a young mother or on the road to a fruitful career or even retirement, don't we all need a little coaching? Don't we all need someone to hold our hand, if even for a little while before we venture out onto the ice by ourselves? The word of God also tells us in Proverbs 16:18: Pride comes before disaster, and arrogance before a fall. So don't be afraid to ask for help. God put us here for each other.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
We received word from a young lady and a young man yesterday that sent goosebumps up our arms. This was good news not only because all love connections are good news, but also because a) they are a younger couple and b) we've known the male for a few years now. He's faithfully kept up his membership at cacheconnections.com and attended most events in his area, despite the fact that other guests were usually far too old for him. We are sharing the emails they each sent to us yesterday, but omitting their names because their relationship is so new. When I asked her if we could use her words, she said, "I've been encouraged by the testimonies of other singles on the site. That's totally fine if you want to use anything I write. Thank you for caring and ministering."
I recently had put my account On Hold a few days ago. I had been communicating with a person that I considered to be very special to me. In order to give her my whole focus I changed my status. We had met each other through Cache using the members e-mail then moved all the way up to talking on the phone and eventually meeting in person. Last night she told me that she would be my girlfriend. I couldn't be more happy. So I have decided to leave my profile on hold. We have been able to start building a good relationship by developing a good friendship first. I have been praying for such a great person to bless my life for quite some time now. I want to thank Cache for all the prayers and for giving us all the tools to help us build such a good foundation to start our relationship on. I am at a loss of words to describe how much it means to me to have found her and be able to enjoy her being in my life.
I have put my account 'On Hold' because of a very happy reason. After a year of looking at CC, I dragged a friend with me to the Peoria Expo and signed up that weekend. My first round of 'connections', I saw a few profiles that I thought would work out well. But there was a certain one that stood out. So of course I was all a-flutter when he was the first to message me! We've been messaging, emailing, texting, phone calling, and meeting since then. Last night he 'officially' became my boyfriend. (yay!)
He is my first boyfriend ever, and I want to say 'thank you' because your website and emails have been very helpful in building my confidence in this relationship. I have been so blessed to read the Godly and practical advice in the 'Expert Articles'. We are intentionally taking time to build intellectual, emotional and spiritual closeness in our relationship. I really can't tell you how much it means to me to have found someone like him.
Thank you for all you do.
We will add these names to our couples prayer list, asking God to help direct their path. We are thankful for young people like this who are committed to putting God first when it comes to forming relationships. We see that there was some waiting, which is never fun, but God's timing is always perfect!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
We received the following testimonial from Pastor David Wheeler, Associate Pastor of New Life Christian Fellowship in Jacksonville, Florida following our event there this past April:
A couple of years ago at a SAM’s Conference, I became acquainted with Cache’ Connections and specifically Linda and Kim. They were introducing their ministry with a goal of providing Christian single adults a convenient way to meet and possibly find a mate. It is not easy to forge against the cultural norms of the day which lead many Christian single adults hopeless in their search for a successful relationship. Since our initial meeting, we have had several opportunities to examine and participate with Cache’ Connections. In my opinion, this ministry is a breath of fresh air in an area where many churches and pastors have abandoned their role, leaving many Christian single adults with little or no spiritual guidance in one of the most significant decisions an individual can make.
We recently hosted a singles event at our church with Cache’ Connections, called the Cache’ Connections Expo! Leading up to the event, Linda and Kim’s pre-planning and experience was very much appreciated. On event day, they came ready with a well defined plan to handle vendors, volunteers and those attending the event. As many pastors who oversee the ministry to single adults, our plates are often filled with other duties and responsibilities, but their expertise and hard work made this event a true success. They were able to coordinate over 40 different vendors, a volunteer team and with us as the host church to produce a flawless event that invigorated our single adult ministry and awakened others in our community to this ministry need. At the end of the night, all of the vendors were extremely pleased, many single adults left with goodies in hand and many had met a new friend. Additionally, the requirements on the church staff were minimal. Weeks later we are witnessing several budding relationships as a result of this event.
I encourage others to consider hosting or participating with Linda and Kim and Cache’ Connections. In a culture where the most significant of human relationships (Marriage) is under attack, thereby tainting the view in which God chooses to communicate His desired relationship with mankind (Ephesians 5), we as pastors and churches need to help single adults find the love of their lives utilizing more wholesome, uncompromising approaches that produce healthy and lasting marriages. I believe Cache’ Connections provides fresh and innovative approaches you should seriously consider.
Thank you Pastor Dave for taking the time to draft this letter, and thank you for opening your heart and doors to Cache' Connections. We hope to see many church leaders continue to realize that Cache' Connections is God's business.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Congratulations to Dale and Angela from Central Illinois! They met online shortly after each of them joined Cache' Connections last fall, and plan to be wed later this summer. You can read their love story below, but what I recall about this couple is my conversation shortly after Dale subscribed. I remember it rather clearly. Dale called with a case of buyer's remorse. He stated that he wasn't sure he was ready for online dating. I informed him that he did have a 3-day right of rescission and we would honor that, but I asked him to think about it for a few days. I never heard from him again and wondered for a while about his decision ... now he jokes that he'd like the refund since he only used the website for one day!
Meet Dale and Angela
WOW!!!!! We couldn't be happier! I'm not sure how it works, but Cache' Connections made a PERFECT MATCH!!!
When I first joined, it was at the prompting/prodding of a friend from church who was a "Cache' success story." I joined hesitantly and let my profile sit idle. For about two months, matches were sent to me and almost immediately sent to the "Not Interested" column. I didn't really want my story to be that I met a guy online, so I wasn't too gung-ho about pursuing anything. I actually had feelings of regret almost immediately after entering my information and pressing "Join."
When Dale's profile was sent to me, there was no picture. . . .just the infamous Cache' silhouette--this is not a good impression, guys!! :) (In his defense, he had just joined the day previous). However, after reading his profile, I thought, "If this guy is for real, I've GOT to meet him! He is SO me!!" I sent a very short "hello-have-a-nice-day" message to him and left it at that. This was on a Sunday evening. First thing Monday morning, I received an email from him. After several get-to-know-you emails, we met for coffee Tuesday, and the rest is history!
Dale: I was recommended by my mentor/accountability partner to Cache’. I reluctantly joined, and without a picture, in order to stay “low profile”! One day later, I received 30+ profiles. Angela’s was the first profile I opened. After reading it, I thought she had read my profile and then re-did hers to match mine. It has been an awesome 9 months! She has been such a support and confidant-- sharing our deepest thoughts and concerns. Sharing our walk with Christ together has been such a joy! God has provided a new best friend for life!
It has been nothing but a joy getting to know one another, sharing in our spiritual walk, encouraging one another, worshiping together, and growing deeper and deeper in love. He is AMAZING, and just so you know, he is everything his profile said he was. . . . . . and MUCH MORE!!!!!!! We have worked very diligently the past 9 months to form a God-honoring relationship; it has been so rewarding! He calls me every morning to pray with me before we start our day! How awesome is that?!?! :) We have read several relationship books together, couples devotionals, attend church together, and I even coaxed him into singing with me in our church's Easter cantata! It is so much fun and so wonderful to have God at the center of our relationship!
We are both happier than we have ever been and would be remiss not to thank our Heavenly Father for His goodness in our lives. We look forward to many wonderful years together, serving God and pointing others toward Christ in the way we love one another and those with which we come into contact. Did I mention that we will be making a lifetime commitment on August 6, 2011?!?! We are ecstatic, and cannot wait to see where God leads us. He has BIG THINGS planned for us!! There is no better place than in the center of God's will. His blessings are endless, and we are forever grateful to Kim and Linda for following God's leading in this ministry!!! THANK YOU and may HIS name be praised!!
CLICK HERE to read other success stories through Cache' Connections. If you have a story to share, why not submit it to encourage others?
Monday, June 20, 2011
Cincinnati singles didn't quite know what to expect when they heard about the Cache' Connections Expo, but about 100 of them braved the challenge and came out to the Sharonville Convention Center Saturday night for the opportunity to meet other singles and do lots of other things! There was a nice variety of friendly vendors who shared their wares, food samples, physical and mental challenges and opportunities for personal growth through their services or products.
We decided to add an extra level of value to this particular expo, so we added optional speed dating for those age 30+. Since this was the first time we did this at a larger event, we weren't quite sure how this would go, but overall it went pretty smoothly! Although the female registration list was filled before the male list, we ended up with exactly 14 women and 14 men who each took one minute to introduce themselves to each other as they changed tables. Because some of the churches in the area conduct their own speed dating events, this was something the guests were somewhat comfortable and familiar with. But of course, there are 100 different ways to conduct speed dating. This way was extra speedy, but we encouraged all participants to get up on their feet and mingle around after all of the introductions took place. This way, they had an opportunity to continue conversations or ask questions of someone who sparked their interest. And let me just say, we definitely saw some sparks of interest! Only God knows what connections were formed that night.
Here's what one of our fabulous volunteers said about the event: "Great to meet you Linda. The singles event in Cincinnati was absolutely WONDERFUL!"
It was a very long day for these two crazy matchmakers, as we drove to and from Cincinnati all in the same day (or was that 2 days?). Only today are we beginning to be able to put complete sentences together again :)
What's up next? We're not sure, but I think there are some more pleasant surprises in store in the days and weeks to come. Stay tuned!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Well, I promised a kind post today, so I decided to write the top ten reasons why Kim and Linda love matchmaking!
10. Being our own boss, or at least believing that we are.
9. Promoting healthy Christian marriages, which is so dear to Christ.
8. The privilege of working with our brothers and sisters in the Lord (singles, pastors, etc.).
7. Personal and spiritual growth as we help singles with their own personal growth.
6. Opportunity to lend an ear and words of encouragement and advice to those who have been beaten down by life and relationships.
5. Encouraging words from our friends and fans who recognize that this territory of singles is oftentimes rocky and unpredictable, but in need of someone who cares.
4. Seeing single friends begin to recognize and change some of their patterns and ways of thinking.
3. After 4 years of membership at Cache' Connections, finally seeing a special gal enjoying dating again and enjoying getting to know the gent we fixed her up with.
2. Being grand-matchmakers to babies Joshua and Judah, and more to come!
1. Success couples - and their submitted photos and stories to share!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Well, let's see. Recently I've picked on those who need to exercise, those who are waiting for the perfect time to get married, those who don't attend events, those who aim too high, those who are too picky, those who are selfish, fearful, cheap, too busy and those who don't upload photos but complain because nothing is happening. What's left??
Ahhhh. Dealbreaker No. 1 in many cases: Smoking. Only a very small percentage of Cache' Connections members admit to being a smoker. This is a really tough issue on several points, and believe me when I say that I see all sides. (Draw your own conclusions.)
Okay, we all know that smoking stinks and is very risky for your health. We also know that it is an extremely difficult habit to quit. As a society, we've come a long way - I remember my first office job, where my co-worker sat three feet next to me with a cigarette burning in her ashtray throughout the day, and no one thought much of it. Now smokers are practically treated as outcasts and are made to feel like second class citizens. Really, that is not our intent. It just stinks.
At Cache' Connections, we are working with a few clients who smoke through our Arranged Blind Date Services. Both are what I would consider "considerate" or "closet" smokers. One told me, "If I knew I had a date that night, I wouldn't even have a cigarette that day, much less in front of the woman." That is very considerate, indeed. He doesn't feel that his smoking is a big deal in his pursuit of finding a woman, because he can quit when he finds the right one. I had to gently explain to him that it might be okay for the first date. But if the relationship continues to develop, his smoking is eventually going to become apparent and no doubt an issue. For one thing, she may feel deceived (never a good launching pad), and for another, the more time you spend together, the harder it is going to be to pretend in any way that you do not at times smell like smoke or desperately need a cigarette. Even if you only smoke outside, you bring it in with you. And to say you are going to quit? Well, like the insurance companies say: Show me the money. Show me your plan, sign an Affidavit and report back to me within six months with another Affidavit. You can say anything you want to - the proof is in the pudding.
So what's the solution? Should smokers expect non-smokers to "get over it"? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we all know the best answer. In fact, I won't even say it because you think about it 25 times a day. Even if you switch to the electric cigarette or the gum or any other replacement clutch, it is still a monkey on your back. We who have placed our trust in faith in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior have the power of the Holy Spirit to do in and through us what we could never even hope to do in our own strength. The thing is, you gotta want it, and you have to believe that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. (Philippians 4:13) This goes for all of those I've picked on recently :)
Tomorrow I'll try to say something nice. I promise.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Wow, Spring flew by and here we are facing the beginning of Summer already. At Cache' Connections, we were busy with four of our popular Cache' Connections Expo's that took place in Jacksonville, FL, and Naperville, Peoria and Springfield, IL, which featured several area vendors who offer games and prizes to our guests. Most of these events also featured either a viewing of our Christian Dating Redefined DVD, or Dr. Stephen W. Simpson himself! Overall, it seemed that everyone left happy: singles with new friends, free prizes and coupons; and vendors with new business contacts and networking affiliates. Next stop for the Cache' Connections Expo is Cincinnati, OH where we look forward to seeing some of our friends there.
Aside from the daily tasks of praying for our single friends and couples and all of our decisions, keeping up with the events, website, blogging, etc., Kim and Linda have been busy matchmaking! How do we do this? We have activated (or more accurately reactivated) our Arranged Blind Date Services. CLICK HERE for details on how this works. Basically, we provide assistance in getting people together on actual dates arranged by us with people that we feel might make a connection. We do our best to get to know each party through a phone interview and review of their online profile and photos, but of course we can't predict chemistry. There have been four or five dates per week over the last month or so, and singles really seem to enjoy this personal touch. Having us involved provides an opportunity for singles to get feedback, express concerns, and make suggestions on some tweaks to your style that just might create more opportunities for success for you!
Summer can be a challenge for Cache' Connections, because people are so busy chasing baseballs, golf balls, hot dogs and apple pie with family and friends, that they seem to put dating on the back burner for a short time. That is why you won't see a lot of events on the Cache' Connections calendar until later into the Fall season. What that means is that when you DO see a Mixer or Cache' Quick Introductions event coming to your area, we need you to sign up! We will keep having events as long as you attend them.
Don't forget to check the daily blog. This is filled with great advice, polls, encouragement, etc. to help you on your journey as a Christian singles. Some of the latest titles have been:
Basic Instructions to Improve Your Chances of Success at Cache' Connections
"All Men Cheat"
A single leader calling singles "rebellious."
Free for men?
Can You Handle the Truth?
Why are you asking me about my physical activities?
If you have prayer requests or would like to join the Cache' Connections Prayer Team, please contact us.
Don't forget the June special, which is a One Year Subscription for just $44.99! The promo code is: SUMMER11.
Kim and Linda
Click here for 1st Quarter Newsletter
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I think I alarmed a few ladies last week when speaking with them over the phone. Both are involved in our Blind Date Arrangements, so I was getting to know them each a little bit better.
Two topics that we ask about, among other things, is their level of involvement in church and ministry, and their level of physical activity. So when one female told me she walks, she was a little taken aback when I kept pressing her, asking how far she walks or how long is she gone, and how many days per week does she walk? She asked, "Is this really important?" I said, "Absolutely." Men like it when women are active and take care of themselves. When she admitted she just started walking, I told her with a chuckle, "Well I need you to keep doing it because I am writing it down!" Generally speaking, men are looking for someone to "play" with. So, take my advice, don't wait for Mr. or Ms. Right to get a life. You will be more attractive if you are already out there living your own!
The other unsuspecting participant happened upon our recent Cache' Connections Expo in Peoria. She had not heard of Cache' Connections, but was convinced by her mother to come out despite her shy nature. Because of her shyness, I could not convince her to attend the upcoming speed dating event, but she really liked the idea of the date arrangement services. In speaking with her, I learned that she had a really rough few years surrounding her divorce. When I asked her about her current church involvement, she was honest in telling me that it had been ... shall we say ... spotty, although she is a believer. So I challenged her to come out to church where she last attended and where my husband and I happen to attend. She said she just might see me there (I told her exactly where she could find me.)
Well ... I didn't see my new friend, but won't hold it against her. The point again, is to be all that God wants you to be right now. Don't wait for a man or woman to come into your life and glue it back together. Think of it this way: Which would you rather buy? Fully Assembled, or "Some Assembly Required"?
Sunday, June 12, 2011
I posted the following question on Facebook the other day after a great conversation I had with a mentoring client. I gingerly told him not to aim too high in the choices of his connections. I affirmed that he is a great guy, but there are certain members that "everyone" wants and although he's a great guy that has a lot to offer a lady, I felt he would be wasting his time and more than likely be ignored and/or disappointed. He was so grateful for my frank advice and said, "Now THAT'S the kind of thing I want you to tell me ... that's what my friends and family won't tell me. Tell me more stuff like that!"
Wow! Now it's not too often we hear feedback like that, but we love someone who is willing to listen and learn and make a few adjustments to increase their chances of success.
Question of the day: Would a single prefer be told the cold, hard truth (in love, of course) about their approach and how people perceive them, the type of person they are pursuing, and overall date-ability?
The responses were quite surprising:
Luci: I would rather hear the truth, we are a constant work in progress.
Walter: I have been "un-friended" for that type of comment, but if they pay for advice,they MIGHT listen.
Valerie: Yep, I want to hear the truth. That can help me become more and more the woman God wants me to be. If people don't "nicely" point out areas I need to work on?
Jolene: Odds are that if a person needs to hear this kind of truth, they aren't going to open to hearing it, but I think you should go for it. Someone needs to hold up the mirror, but prepare yourself because my experience in dealing with these types of people is that they typical respond in denial and anger. However, They have asked for help in finding a spouse so I think you should tell them the truth about why it's not working. Linda, there are valid reasons why some of these individuals are not married. I suspect that both Kim and yourself are discovering that it's not just lack of available, potential mates but some of these folks need to be in counseling to deal with their issues first. I'm praying for both of you....that God will give you courage, wisdom and boldness to be able to speak the truth in Love and that the individual with have receptive ears and an open heart to hear you!!\
(By the way we covet all prayers and seek God's wisdom daily for our decisions.)
Tom: Truth hurts sometimes. But if it is given in a kind way and taken as such, it can be a positive thing. Not sure how many times, that all aligns, to be able to happen though. I Agree with Walter, someone not so "close" would be a better person to do this. But if it is someone, in a love relationship, then trust should outweigh everything, and it should be a growing experience, like Luci and Valerie have said.
Jim: The truth will set you free.....
Sandy: How can you change if you don't realize what you are doing is wrong? Or off-putting to others?
Me: ... but who wants to change?
Tom: Those who care, change. But what people forget is that you cannot make someone else change, it has to come from within!
Dave: Bring it on. The truth is good, as long as it is spoken in love. It also doesn't hurt to point out some positives about the person, along with the negatives. Everyone has some of each. Also, if we are able to offer constructive criticism, we should also be willing to receive it ourselves, too.
Nila: That depends on the person. Some people just don't know how to handle information like that. While others would like for things to change but they don't want to make changes. They want people and things around them to change not themselves.
What do you think? Should Cache' Connections only use the "cold, hard truth" with mentoring clients? Blind date clients? ... plus anyone who dares to ask?
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Cache' Connections has a number of 40- and 50-something members who have yet to experience marriage. We've had opportunity to speak with some of them recently, and their journeys in life have some similarities. Many of them have been focusing on their education and careers for many years - some even aspiring to pay off all of their debt before settling down with a mate. Many of them were told as young men by well-meaning pastors, mentors and friends to simply concentrate on their walk with and ministry to the Lord, and don't worry about the rest. They assumed everything would fall into place: the wife, the kids, and all the trimmings. But now they find themselves still alone after all these years, while their peers are welcoming a new generation of grandchildren to their families.
Take "Fred," for instance. He has given us permission to share a glimpse of his struggles:
The Apostle Paul had what he described as a "thorn in the flesh". My area of most difficulty has been romantic relationships. I didn't date in high school because I planned to go to college and didn't date in college because the ratio of males to females at the university where I graduated was about 4 to 1 at that time and also I had to study hard to be successful in engineering. I decided I would start trying to date when I graduated at age twenty two. After five years in college I had gained a lot of weight which did not help my dating efforts. When I was growing up I worked at ______ (a physical job) and I could eat all I wanted. But when I went to college and then got my desk job, I kept eating and gained weight.
Fred has also shared with us that some of his well-meaning advisers even tried to stifle him as if it were a sin when he asked for help in finding a mate. Now in his mid 40's, Fred is focused on seeking God's will for finding a mate, taking much better care of himself physically, and being much more proactive in his search. I love what he wrote recently: Whatever plan God has for me I'm resolved to joyfully embrace it rather than waste my life following my own ambitions.
We're not saying that waiting is a bad idea, nor is paying off debt and all that other honorable stuff. It's just ... can I say, kinda sad? These are good guys who do not appear to be called to be single. They would have or will make great husbands and fathers some day. But golly gee, don't most of us agree it's more desirable to enjoy life with a wife and family before arthritis and stiffness settle in?
Is there EVER a perfect time?
We're going to cool down the tone for today's blog - although it is a rather hot topic. One question we receive quite frequently regarding online dating is, "Why am I not getting any responses?" So today we offer some practical tips, strategies and other things to consider to make your online dating efforts more productive:
1. Send messages to those connections that you are interested in. If you don't hear back after a week, send a second note, asking if they are interested in communicating and if not, wish them well. Additionally, it's always a great idea to mention something unique about his or her profile that sparked your interest, and ask a question on that topic.
2. Upload more photos. A headshot and bodyshot taken against a plain wall or door are required before we can approve any casual photos. Every time you upload a photo and it is approved, your connections will receive a trigger email. Your cooperation with Cache' Connections primary photo guidelines shows your good intentions with your membership. (Mug shots as shown above are not recommended.)
3. Increase your age and/or mileage ranges under My Account Settings to receive more connections.
4. Go over all of your connections again with prayerful consideration. Oftentimes, singles are too hasty in moving their connections into the Not Interested tab.
5. Consider attending some Cache' Connections events, the Cache' Mentoring Services, or the Arranged Blind Date Services for the personal touch.
6. Work on being the best you that you can be, for yourself, to glorify God, and for your potential mate in all ways: physically, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. People like people who take good care of themselves. And if you are one of those, don't be afraid to flaunt that fact in your bio!
7. Read some of the Recommended Reading and Expert Articles. Pray that God will help you open your mind to His will for this area of your life.
8. Order a copy of the Christian Dating Redefined DVD for some practical tips on how to improve your love life, starting with being grounded in Christ, a shot of authenticity and always with the underlying biblical foundation.
9. Read this blog daily for tips, updates, polls, news and insider scoops.
10. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matt 6:33)
At Cache' Connections, we are committed to helping Christian singles become healthy daters so that they will be prepared to enter into healthy marriages that are pleasing to God. Don't wait for a potential mate to take care of some personal business. We've spoken to a few members who are waiting to quit smoking, lose weight, etc. for the right person. Sure, everyone wants to be loved for who they are on the inside - that's the basic desire to be loved, known and understood. However, as we wrote in a prior blog, "If you want to catch a fish, you have to bait the hook."
Here's to successful dating!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
I had a rather disturbing chat last night with a Facebook friend who is convinced that there are no men that can be trusted, stating "I trust no man to be honest, to be faithful, to be loyal."
Certainly, this friend is the victim of someone (or someones) who betrayed her trust. She's been deeply hurt and also apparently the victim of a man with a controlling personality, because she also claimed that all men want to control their women. Though I tried to help her by getting her to open up more and pray for her, she just kept repeating that 1) all men are cheaters and can't help looking lustfully b) all men want to control women and c) she doesn't need a man financially.
I don't mind saying that, as a married woman, I took offense to these allegations, because since she was saying that all men cheat, that had to include my husband and my friends' husbands. Now them are fighting words! So I did what any red-blooded American woman would do and conducted a Google search on the percentage of men who are unfaithful. The statistics will probably surprise you.
According to a 2007 online survey conducted by MSNBC.com/iVillage of some 70,000 Americans, although people "think" that 44% of men and 36% of women have cheated on their spouse, the reality is that 28% of men and 18% of women have cheated on their spouse. While these numbers are still unacceptable, they are a far cry from 100%. CLICK HERE to watch the news clip and read the article.
The Bible is clear that adultery is a sin: 1 Corinthians 6: 8-10: Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers and sisters. Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men[a] nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Apparently, it's always been a problem, so I won't blame society, although our political leaders and other "heroes" certainly have set the bar pretty low. I blame the sinful nature of mankind. Adultery is never justifiable or acceptable in the eyes of God; it has always been an issue dear to God's heart. And the reason for that is the deep intimacy (both sexually and emotionally) that He designed to exist between a husband and wife. While all sin is disturbing to God, I believe that the sin of infidelity truly grieves the heart of God because it is so far apart from his perfect design for marriage. It puts a permanent scar (sometimes a continuously bleeding wound) on the heart of the betrayed one and undermines the stability of the marriage.
But back to my friend. I am committed to praying for her. I believe she has some hard work to do if she is ever to even begin to consider dating and remarriage. And that hard work begins with forgiveness. The analogy that "harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die" rings true here. (I could almost taste the poison while chatting with her.) Forgiveness doesn't make sense in our finite human minds, but it is, once again, God's perfect design for us to be able to put up with each other here on earth.
So, even though she wouldn't listen to reason or answer my ongoing question of "How can I help you?" - thank you Bruce Wilkinson - some of my friends came up with some recommended reading. I would add that daily choosing to forgive, a lot of prayer and possibly some Christian counseling may be in order to unpack and heal the layers of pain and distrust on my friend's heart. It's funny, she started out asking what's going on with Cache' Connections, which indicates on some level that she may ultimately want to find a man she can trust. I hope that some day she does, but more than that, I hope her heart become softened by the love and grace of Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit to do what she cannot do on her own.
Some people think that at Cache' Connections, we put finding a mate before a single's relationship with Christ, which is not true. Clearly, this account proves the truth of Matthew 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Without the love and guidance of Jesus Christ in our lives, things can and do quickly go astray. No spouse is going to fulfill that special place in your heart that only God can fill. And frankly, marriage is not an easy band-aid for those searching to fill it.
The Bait of Satan by John Bevere
Forgive & Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve by Lewis Smedes
When You've Been Wronged by Erwin Leutzer
The Art of Forgiving: When You Need to Forgive and Don't Know How by Lewis Smedes
Tattoo Forgiveness - CC blog post from a woman in the same shoes.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
I recently struck up a Facebook friendship with this pastor who is ministering to singles outside of the U.S., although he is from the U.S. I shared with him our concerns that the Church, by and large, is not interested in helping singles find their mate, even through a healthy Christian avenue such as Cache' Connections, although they are always ready to help people with other personal needs such as pre-marriage counseling, divorce or addiction recovery, parenting, financial freedom, etc. Here's what he had to say:
With regard to the Church and singles, in some ways that's true, but in my experience as a single adult and watching other singles, I have developed a theory which I have seen born out more than once. Single people are the most "rebellious" and independent people on the planet. By the nature of our singleness, we do what we want, when we want, with whom we want, and we generally have the money to do what we want, and we rarely make firm plans because there is always something better which we may want to do. We often times give lip service to spiritual leadership because we are independent in everything we do...we work, we support ourselves, we manage our own homes, etc, and so with regard to spiritual accountability we tend to make decisions, and then seek pastoral approval rather than seeking spiritual counsel before making those decisions. And that is most often times seen in bad relationships and broken lives. And our "dating" lifestyles don't help that much. Single people tend to isolate almost immediately upon begin to date and that tends toward some potential issues. Privatization as an American right has often been confused with sensible accountability. :-) And, of course, that does not apply to everyone and some singles and churches have handled this better than others. But as a general rule, I have seen the same born out here. It's just who we are and trying to help people find a godly and healthy balance is never easy.
I'm not even sure if his comment is an answer to my initial concern, unless he is stating that the Church is not interested in dealing with this "rebellious" segment, or is he saying that singles wouldn't accept the help, or ...? Your thoughts?
Monday, June 6, 2011
Today's post is taken from the weekly post by the fast.pray group that prays every Monday. You may CLICK HERE to join this group.
We are fasting and praying on Mondays for God to give the gift of marriage to those who desire it, work change in men, and work change in us. We're praying for a fresh wave of God-honoring relationships that lead to God-honoring marriages.
A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of listening and sharing with a dozen close single Christian girlfriends during a beach weekend set aside to discuss singleness. We talked about things serious and not-so-serious, ate plenty of snacks, and laughed until our sides hurt. But the most important thing, despite our different backgrounds, was that we all have a story that reflects God’s faithfulness in our single years.
The themes from that weekend keep echoing through my head, and I think might be food for thought as we fast and pray this week.
First, it is good to be reminded that we are not alone in this singleness journey. It was good to see talented, successful, beautiful, single Christian women being faithful in the places they’ve been called. In their stories of unmet longing and God’s amazing faithfulness, I realized that I am not the only one trying to figure out this often-confusing season. We have been struggling, not with singleness itself, but with the grasping the reality of God’s character when life goes a bit differently than planned. The fast.pray list is an extended picture of that reality; we are not alone as we walk this road and wait expectantly for Him.
Second, the diverse group of gals reminded me that it is a lie to believe that there is some particular common denominator that translates into an extended season of singleness. It was a diverse group, demographically, professionally, personally, and spiritually. The varied stories of God’s faithfulness encouraged me again to remember how He works in mysterious ways, how He loves on such a grand scale, and how His ways are always higher than my ways.
Lastly, I was reminded that it is foolish to attempt this journey of life by ourselves. Christ didn’t leave us alone: He gave His spirit and He put us in the context of the church. Married or unmarried, we all need the broken-people-learning-to-love-other-broken-people-community known as the church. Even when that community might feel too focused on families, or doesn’t meet expectations, it is our spiritual family home. As those waiting expectantly for an earthly spouse, we should be active participants in the bride of Christ on earth.
As you fast and pray this Monday, remember that you are not alone, and that our great God is accomplishing His purposes!
This week, may you find encouragement ... and be an encouragement to someone else!
Friday, June 3, 2011
For a limited time, Cache' Connections is offering two free weeks for men who have never tried Cache' Connections, or for those who were members in the past and are still single and interested in entering into a God-pleasing relationship. Some females may be asking why do the men enjoy free membership? While to most this seems like a rhetorical question, I'll address it for the sake of a blog post.
WE NEED MEN! While it is arguable and there are a variety of reasons, there don't seem to be as many Christian men as there are Christian women in this country. If anyone has current statistics, please share. What we do know is that for every one male who signs onto Cache' Connections, there are two female members. And it seems the women are more inclined to pay the fees. Why? Again, we have our ideas, and you can draw your own conclusions.
The bottom line is "it takes two to Tango;" one male, one female to make this thing work. And it is working! Check out our CACHE' COUPLES. So help us spread the word to your single Christian men. They can sign onto the website by visiting www.cacheconnections.com and click Join Now. Go through the sign-up process until they get to the billing page. Then contact us and we will open your account for two weeks, absolutely free - no strings attached. Once you complete your Questionnaire, you will receive female connections and can view their complete profiles and start sending messages. That's how it starts - so get started! It's on us.
Let us know if you have questions. Have a great weekend!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
This week we made the tough decision to cancel a Cache' Quick Introductions event that was going to take place in Springfield, IL at West Side Christian Church's new coffee house called Fireside Cafe. This event has been planned for months and we looked forward to enjoying the shiny new venue. Unfortunately, despite the supposition that many singles were thinking about attending on 6/4/11, we only had three females registered as of Tuesday, May 31st.
Anyone who has worked with adult singles for more than two weeks knows that they tend to wait until the last minute to register for anything. Unfortunately, it leaves business and ministries who try to plan events for them pulling their hair out! We don't know how much food to buy, how many chairs to set up, how much manpower will be needed (if any!), etc.
After four years in the biz, we have developed a rough pattern of how many walk-ins we can expect based on the number of pre-registrations. But nothing is ever for sure - we are often surprised; sometimes delighted, other times disappointed. But as Singles Pastor John Absher of Calvary Church - Naperville told us, the only thing he knows for sure when it comes to working with singles is that you can never predict anything. Just when you think you've got a good thing going and are building traction or growing your group, something can shift and you are back to the drawing board.
What is especially frustrating is that Cache' Connections strives to give the people what they want. We've heard from you loud and clear that you want more events; you want opportunities to meet a lot of people in a short amount of time; and you "don't want to pay a lot for this muffler." Cache' Quick Introductions is designed to provide just that.
So if any of you were planning to attend, we'd like to redirect you to the same type of event that is scheduled for 6/11/11 in Washington, IL. CLICK HERE for details. For the rest of our readers, we ask you to please help us help you. Make plans in advance - save a buck by pre-registering. Surprise us - give us 5 or 10 days notice. And save our hair from turning gray any faster than it already is.