Friday, July 29, 2011
You are going to want to be in the "right place at the right time." Summer is admittedly a slower time of year for online dating, but as we flip our calendars to August, most of us are ready to slip into a more normal routine.
But what does normal have to do with Cache' Connections? We continue to blaze a trail that revolutionizes Christian dating, and we are working on a new model that looks very promising, as it will be attractive to the Church as well as provide social and relationship needs and desires of Christian singles. We ask you to be in prayer with us as we perfect this plan for major expansion.
Don't forget there are just a few days left for the August special, which is THREE MONTHS for the price of ONE, which is $29.95. Save $35! Use promo code: July2011
Today we look forward to celebrating with Anne and Dave from the Peoria, IL area, as they will be married tonight! Dave and Anne met at a Cache' Coffee Connections event last December and are deeply in love.
"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." Eph. 3:20
Have a great weekend!
Kim and Linda
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Today's post is taken from a Crosswalk.com article co-written by Cliff Young and Laura MacCorkle. The "He Said-She Said" is a monthly advice column featuring a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. Cliff and Laura offer great godly advice on dealing with the inevitable breakup.
QUESTION: My question is to help anyone, born again and followers of Christ, who are in a similar situation as this. How should we deal with heartbreak? How do you get over the other person when there is a disadvantage that you see that person every so often (such as church or work), and you cannot escape?
HE SAID: Heartbreak is difficult and not something that is easily “gotten over,” nor should it necessarily be.
Many of us spend years searching for our lifelong spouse and once we (think we) locate “that” person, we open our heart and lives in an attempt to love and be loved. When our feelings are not reciprocated in the way we hope or want, we are heartbroken and need to take a period to heal, in our own time and in our own way.
What I have discovered through “trial and error” (a.k.a. dating) is most relationships don’t work out (surprise!), and it would be beneficial for us to learn from and learn how to manage break-ups since we may encounter them again.
For many of us, it is a day to day journey of struggle, heartache, emotions and growth. Some journeys will be easier than others and some may last longer than others (oftentimes depending upon which side of the break-up you are on). However, your journey can and will lead to peace if you refrain from holding onto bitterness, spite, envy, jealousy and anger against your former “interest.”
Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. (Luke 6:37).
We may “think” we are hurting someone by having ill feelings toward them. In reality, we are only hurting ourselves by delaying our grieving, healing, forgiving and growing process. We shouldn’t be acting or reacting like those of the world (and as we see on television reality shows), but rather living according to the instructions the Lord gives us in his Word.
The three most important things to have are faith, hope and love. But the greatest of them is love. (1 Cor. 13:13, NIRV).
This passage comes from the end of the “marriage chapter” (where many marriage vows originate), and probably isn’t frequented much after a break-up. However, we are told the most important things to have are faith, hope and love, of which love is the greatest.
This doesn’t just apply to those getting married, but is also wise counsel in every situation (even heartbreaking ones), for those desiring to be married.
Have faith God has plans for you to prosper and not harm you (Jer. 29:11).
You may never know or understand why the break-up happened; however, God may be protecting you from this person, He may want you all to himself at this time or he may have someone better suited for you. Whatever the reason, God knows our beginning, the middle and the end and truly wants the best for us, as our Father. Have the faith to recognize it, believe it and live it.
Place your hope in God and his Spirit, not in someone else (Rom. 5:5).
It may be difficult to do at times, but placing your hope in a perfect God is a better decision than giving your life to a fallible human. God continually shows this to be true in ways we can’t even fathom and hope placed in him does not disappoint. I’m not sure we can say the same about others, or ourselves.
Show love for everyone (including your “ex”) (Matt. 5:43).
Love in today’s society seems to be so fleeting and have no basis at times. The love God teaches us is neither selfish nor affected by emotions or situation, but rather loves through all things, including trials, faults and disappointments.
I have had my share of heartbreaks, but I can honestly say when all was said and done, I truly wanted what was best for the other person and I was able to pray she would find love and happiness apart from me. That is when I knew I had a grasp of what Jesus meant with regard to unconditional love.
The most difficult part, as you have mentioned, is to see your former interest around work or at church, especially if he or she is with someone else. However, when you reach that point in your healing and forgiveness process when you will want the other person to be happy even if it doesn’t include you, you will find a peace that really does transcend all (human) understanding.
This isn’t an easy process, it will take time and there is no perfect “formula,” but it all begins with releasing any negative feelings you have toward your former partner, forgiving them for whatever wrong they may have done, asking the Lord to heal you of your hurt and pain and holding onto hope, faith and love.
When the next opportunity comes around, and there will be more, you will be better equipped to handle whatever that situation holds.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Ps. 34:18).
SHE SAID: Maybe it’s because I came of age in the ‘80s, but Def Leppard’s “Bringin’ on the Heartbreak” kept ringing in my ears the first time I read through your question. Now that has nothing to do with my answer right now. But hey, it’s a catchy intro. And it’s honest, right?
Moving on …
I remember dealing with heartbreak back in high school when a summer romance ended abruptly before the school year started back up again. It was a mutual split, but it was right before my senior year was to begin. Once school started, the boy I had dated was now “big man on campus,” as most senior males might feel as they proudly strut along the school hallways during their last year in high school. [Insert “fun” teenage eye-roll here.]
Thankfully, we didn’t have any classes together. But I would see him in passing from time to time and would hear of what new girls he was dating and what not. Yes, I was cordial and would offer a perfunctory “hello” when we crossed paths. But I also wasn’t looking for opportunities to spend extra time around him or have in-depth conversations any time soon. There was still pain lurking in my heart as a result of the break-up, and I was still healing.
Fast forward to adulthood, and I have to say that I haven’t had to be in a situation like you are describing (either a break-up with someone from a workplace setting or at a church) in a long time. But, in remembering my high school break-up, I can only imagine that it would be awkward in a setting where you could routinely bump into one another and even more so if there is still interest for one of the parties involved.
As you know, a close relationship (whether romantic or platonic) knits two people together, through time spent together, through thoughts, feelings and dreams shared via interpersonal communication and through a whole host of experiences that two may share as they do life together. Add in two people who are believers and share a strong spiritual connection, and that can give it an even deeper dimension (1 Jn. 1:7). CLICK HERE to read the rest of the article.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
A member and Facebook friend was sharing her frustrations with me the other day. She commented, "the struggle i am having is this...men are either moving way too fast or not at all. why aren't men pursuing?" So I decided to ask the guys only. Not surprisingly, some of the women chimed in:
Larry: sounds like some definitely are -- too fast. the ones who are not pursuing are likely not interested in this particular woman.
Jim: If a man is not pursuing he is not interested or she didn't show a interest in him.
Michael: Maybe the wrong men?
Cari: Maybe she needs to let them know if SHE'S interested....sometimes men have no clue if a girl is interested .... just sayn' And describe fast??? Too much pursuit...tooo many quesions too nosey about her life?? TELL HIM!!! again sometimes they just dont get women...its all about communication : )
Carey: I have been pursuing for a long time and get getting the door slammed in my face after a year so now I gonna play hard to get and see if that works! ;-) I think women want what they can't have!
Larry: a hint from the woman will pay dividends IF the man is interested in the woman. men can be reluctant to pursue if they are unsure of the women's interest.
Lorraine: that's not true carey of all women ... but i can see how you want to respond that way... Hmmmm.... i see your point though.
Larry: some women do like "bad boys." the selection process is intriguing and often flawed.
Carey: When you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done.... God won't send us ANYTHING if we aren't prepared and ready to receive it. Be pure, be clear, be ready.
Steven: Men are tired of women not behaving like a woman, they act like they are hiring manager, and find one thing they don't like they slam the door in your face, so men are setting back and letting the women come to them, men are tired of all the pressure women put on them, thank the women's lib for it. As for the ones going to fast, they aren't men they boys still who think they are players.
Carey: Beat me with the truth... don't torture me with lies. I respect people who are honest from the start, not cowards who hide behind lies and deceit. Just be up front and say Whoa dude you are coming on too strong or Whoa dude are you interested or not?
Cliff: Often depends on the temperament of the man and the woman. If a guy is introverted, he may like a woman, but naturally needs stronger verbal clues of potential interest. If the woman which the introvert likes is a wallflower herself, probably not a good match to begin with. Guys are visual, and if they are the quiet types, (ahhum like me), they introspectively judge whether a woman would be a good match for them, without even saying a word to the person they are looking at. Its obviously flawed, but some guys are living so deep in their own heads they get paralysis by analysis.
Carey: I'll gladly let my guard down when people stop giving me reasons to keep it up. I'm not afraid to love again, but i'm just afraid of getting hurt for the same reason. Thanks for the therapy Linda! LOL! Nite all! Shalom!
Roger: If you're hanging around people with shared interests, and I mean off line (not online), you're bound to stumble into an encounter that can turn romantic. It could involve a church, club, politics, hobbies, sports event, shopping, etc.
Obviously this is a hot topic that has several differing seeds of origin. The call for authenticity in dating is spelled out very clearly in Cache' Connections' DVD titled "Christian Dating Redefined," featuring Dr. Stephen W. Simpson. You can check it out here.
If this post does nothing else, I think it sends a message to men to go ahead and say hello and see what might happen. As we wrote in an email to Cache' Connections members yesterday, "Nothing happens until someone sends a message!" And by the way, both have license to do so :)
Monday, July 25, 2011
Today's blog post is taken from the weekly group that fasts and prays on Mondays for singles desiring marriage. To subscribe to the blog, click here.
Reminder: We fast and pray over Monday lunch for God to change our hearts, for God to bring men to himself and for life-giving marriages for men and women who desire them. This is our second in a three-part series on dealing with envy; Connally wrote last week about confronting the envy monster.
My roommate Jill is a dear friend. In the past year, we’ve watched each other go through good dates, bad dates and breakups. We’ve borrowed each other’s clothing, hosted Bible study, taken road trips, thrown dinner parties, and watched a ridiculous amount of the Cooking Channel.
So when Jill started going on a few dates with our mutual friend Erik, I was very excited for her. Erik is wonderful. Really, honestly wonderful. Their relationship is developing intentionally and Jill has been very thoughtful in not wanting to overdo the gushing. When asked, I said, “Don’t worry - I want to hear about it all!” And that was true. At least when I said it.
But when I was sitting on the couch at 9pm, still in my work clothes, eating fried eggplant for dinner, I suddenly felt differently. “Why should it be her that gets to go on fun dates to cool restaurants while I eat fried eggplant? Why can’t there be someone fabulous and exciting in my life?”
The envy soon morphed into blaming Jill for unrelated issues: “Of course, there is a giant stack of dishes in the sink. Someone is always on dates and doesn’t have time to wash them. Of course we don't have any pepper. Someone forgot to get it at the store because someone never takes the list. Unlike me. I always take the list and never forget anything.”
Absolutely absurd, I know. I was mentally tearing down and falsely accusing a sister in Christ because I was envious of what I perceived as her greater happiness. The worst part is that it wasn't really about her or Erik or the dishes: it was about my heart’s discontent, and my lack of faith in a God whose character, especially as seen at the cross, is unchangeable Love.
Perhaps the ease with which envy flows into so many related sins is why Paul lists it as one of the fruits of the flesh in Galatians 5:19: "The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy..."
In contrast, Christian relationships are to be defined by the sort of love described in I Corinthians 13: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
Envy is fundamentally incompatible with a loving, grateful heart. We are called to rejoice with those who rejoice, to mourn with those who mourn, and to trust a sovereign God to work all things together for our good and His glory. Even the painful, fried eggplant times.
The happy footnote to the eggplant incident is my conversation with Jill in which I discovered that confessing the envy destroyed its hold on my mind. Jill's gracious and immediate forgiveness was a tangible demonstration of I Corinthians 13 love, and we ended up having a good laugh about the entire thing.
As we fast and pray this week, let’s take our honest heart situations to God, including envy, and ask Him to settle our hearts in His love and provision for us.
Have a great week!
Friday, July 22, 2011
Due to lack of registrations, we have canceled the Dance Lessons event that was to take place this coming Saturday in Naperville, Illinois.
Canceling an event is never anything we want to do. There is always the consideration of guests who may be planning to register just a few days prior to the event, or walk-in and pay the up-charge at the door. It is very difficult to guesstimate how many people will show up and to know if there will be enough people in attendance to make it a worthwhile event for all concerned.
But, when we have zero to 2 registrations on the Monday prior to an upcoming weekend event, we are left with little choice. We realize it's summer and everyone is busy with other activities, so we look forward to packing the event calendar in the coming months. As we've said before, we'll keep hosting events for Christian singles as long as you keep attending them!
Have a great weekend.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Yesterday we received a very pleasant email from a Cache' Connections member who has been in an exclusive relationship with another member for about two months. They feel they have a very deep and special connection and he was asking how many Cache' Connections couples get married within the first year of meeting, as they have been touching on the topic of marriage lately.
Though we couldn't be more delighted for this couple, my answer, in short, was that yes, Cache' Couples do tend to marry sooner than the norm, but we still recommend dating for at least a full year before marriage. Here's what my Facebook friends offered for advice:
Lisa: most assuredly! being based on pleasing God and abiding in Him--puts them way ahead!!
Abby: My husband and I met at bible college in september, by november we were engaged and married in february. Our 30th anniversary is this coming february! : )
Dana: Sometime you know it when you knw it, but it is too soon. Its good to know, then verify too.
Markita: Sounds right on track to me! ;-)
Melissa: Good, wise advice I've heard: know the other person well for at least a year before engagement: watch them through every season, go through every holiday w them...observe and relate in many settings over the course of all 4 seasons. Many people's mood/behaviors change in winter for example. ( please don't ask if we followed this wise advice! I wish we had though :))
Dave: It should be a Looooooong engagement ... at least a year. I have seen relationships that were going VERY strong in 3 months and over in 6 to 7 months.
Lisa: oh woops, I misunderstood the quescheeYOAN!!! I agree with Dave, a year long engagement is a good place to start!
Debby: Yikes! Jim and I waited 18 months...but I'm slow and old (55). I know it's so hard to wait...a year is better in general I think. Two months? Not long enough to really know the other person in lots of different situations...but there are always exceptions. That would scare me if I were their mother! I was surprised to learn that the divorce rate on second marriages is HUGE! That rate gets higher and higher with each divorce...4th marriages is at about 95%! That would make me think hard before jumping in too soon...hence, the 18 months Jim and I waited!!
Mary: I think they should pray long and hard for God's guidance. I however do think they should have a longer engagement if they've only known each other 2 months. But ultimately they need to let God guide them!
Crystal: I concur with Mary and Melissa :)
Hmmm ... I only see one comment from the male sector. Anyone else care to add their opinion?
Monday, July 18, 2011
Today's blog post is taken from the weekly group that fasts and prays on Mondays for singles desiring marriage. To read the article in its entirety and to subscribe, click here.
Dear Fasters & Prayers,
As I write to remind you about our fasting and praying this week, I’m so encouraged. In the last 3 weeks, we’ve had over 35 new subscribers–literally from around the world. It is encouraging to see so many women taking the energy of their (our) longings and putting it into what we by faith choose to believe truly matters: fasting and praying for the courage and capacity to become the men and women that God has designed us to be, and for new marriages to emerge. This conviction is why we keep fasting and praying, particularly during what would be Monday lunch.
This week, Amy–who is now writing with us regularly–sent me the draft of her future post. The title read: “The Green Eyed Monster, a.k.a. Amy.” My mouth dropped open when I read it. Just two days before, I had confessed in a conversation with my parents, that I had been feeling envy deepening in my bones. It had been creeping up slowly–a strange, icky, hollow, furrowed-brow, tight-necked feeling as I anticipated time with certain friends–mentorees and their babies, old friends from middle school and their children or tales of their children: people who seem to be getting what I have not in certain areas (yet). When one long-time, beloved girlfriend told me about this awesomely-fun thing that had happened with her daughter, something in me clutched. Instead of rejoicing with her, I had to swallow an internal cringe (which does NOT taste good) and will myself into kindness. I didn’t have the word for it at the moment, but I was tasting ENVY, envy which when ingested, rots the bones and turns one into the Green Eyed Monster (Proverbs 14:30)...
Have a great week!
Friday, July 15, 2011
Cache' Connections is offering a FULL FREE WEEK to any NEW member of cacheconnections.com. There are no strings attached, so maybe it's time for you to jump in! For those who have never signed onto the website, visit the home page and click "Join Now." Begin the sign-up process and STOP when you get to the Billing page. Everyone who has signed on can reply to this email and request free membership. If you have previously signed onto the website but have forgotten your username or password, reply to this email for assistance. (No promo code needed.)
Wedding bells are ringing! This summer Cache' Connections celebrates at least two engagements of couples who met online. Congratulations and God's blessings to Jim and Debby and Dale and Angela! We also celebrate the upcoming marriage of Dave and Anne, who met at a Cache' Quick Introductions event last December.
Some of these couples "tripped into love" and others have had to do some hard work to find a healthy place personally and also in their relationships. What they all have in common is that they stepped out and took a risk, if even to say "hello" to begin communications.
So this summer we "double dog dare you" to give Cache' Connections a good try. In turn, why don't you dare your friends to join in the adventure? Forward this email to your Christian single friends, and challenge each other to send at least five messages. The more synergy we can create, the better chances everyone has for success!
Please don't hesitate to contact us with any questions. Have a great weekend!
Kim and Linda
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Today's blog is taken from Crosswalk.com Singles. Susan Ellingburg reminds us of the importance of rest and some great suggestions and insights on this not-so-hot topic. We at Cache' Connections would add that sometimes it is necessary to take a break from dating, whether it's after a break-up or a long series of dating different people.
EDITOR’S NOTE: The following is the latest installment of The Single Life, a monthly column written specifically for singles.
On a wall of my home I have a collection of prints that look like they’re from the 1930s; they illustrate the Ten Commandments. I love the retro feel of these pictures but rarely pay that much attention as I walk by. After all, I generally feel I’m pretty much on track with God’s Top Ten: ixnay on the idols, don’t kill anybody, avoid adultery . . . check. But then I hit number four: “Remember the Sabbath day” or as my New Century Version Bible puts it, “Work and get everything done during six days each week, but the seventh day is a day of rest . . .” (Ex. 20:8-10).
Ah. That one . . . not so much.
In our work-obsessed culture we tend to feel that the more hours you put in, the more virtuous you are. (This is especially true for those in ministry.) However, research has shown that’s actually counter-productive. Exercise magazines of all kinds are full of advice to take regular breaks for better performance. Even God took a day off; after fashioning everything from nothing he “blessed the seventh day and made it a holy day, because on that day he rested from all the work he had done in creating the world.” (Gen. 2:3, NCV)
Somehow I doubt he did that because he needed a break; it was an example for us to follow. Make no mistake, when God says “Rest” he means it. It’s written in stone—literally—in his very own handwriting on that granite memo Moses brought down from the mountain. So maybe it’s time we put a little thought into what it actually means to rest.
Passive VS. Active Rest
In his bookThe Power of Rest: Why Sleep Alone Is Not Enough, author Dr. Matthew Edlund says rest falls into two major categories, passive and active. Sleep is a form of passive rest. So is watching television, he claims, which only proves the good doctor never watched a Cowboys game with my family. (There is nothing passive about that experience, let me tell you.) Technically, even passive rest isn’t all that passive; while you’re sound asleep or zoned out in front of the tube your muscles and tissues are hard at work repairing little tears and fixing other physical issues. Your skin is producing new cells and so is your brain. You may feel passive, but your body is regenerating.
Active rest, on the other hand, “consists of directed restorative activities that rebuild and rewire body and mind.”[i] Dr. Edlund divides active rest into four categories: mental, social, spiritual, and physical. Let’s break those down.
4 Kinds of Active Rest
Mental rest is when you focus on something that rejuvenates you. Say you’re working on a complicated project with no end in sight and your thoughts are starting to feel sluggish. A little brain break may be just what you need. It can be as simple as looking at something else for a couple of minutes. If you’re near a window, try studying the clouds. If not, peer at a desk plant. Don’t multitask here: focusing on just one thing gives your subconscious a chance to breathe—and might even give it space to come up with a solution to that problem you’ve been wrestling with.
CLICK HERE to read the rest of the blog post.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Today's blog is a repost from the fast.pray blog that is issued every Monday from a group who has a desire to be married or have friends who desire to be married. CLICK HERE for the blog site.
We fast and pray on Mondays, during lunch or for the whole day, for three things: for God to work in our hearts and change us where necessary, for God to bring men to Him and prepare them to lead, and for the gift of marriage for men and women who desire it.
True confession: I have occasionally gone to embarrassingly great lengths to put myself in the vicinity of some guy who I had decided was absolutely perfect. I wish I could say such behavior ceased after middle school, but alas I found myself about a year ago sitting in a different church just because I happened to know that he went there. And as I sat the in the pew, getting increasingly sheepish about my slightly-stalkerish behavior, I suddenly realized that I wasn’t really after that tall guy in the yellow polo halfway across the sanctuary anyway.
What my heart really wanted was far deeper than getting married. I turned the bulletin over and wrote down the things I was really hungry for: spiritual leadership, finding home, being secure in my identity, having a future, being desired, being found worthy, being found beautiful. And I was reminded again that those things are never going to be fully satisfied by a husband or by any human relationship.
Those are things that only eternal true Love can give. Christ came to lead us spiritually to the Father (John 14:6), to take us to our true home (John 14:3), to give us purpose now and a future hope (Jeremiah 29:11), to pursue lost sinners (Luke 5:32, Matthew 18:12-14), to demonstrate in His sacrificial life and death that we are already greatly loved (Romans 5:8).
This is not to say that the pain of unmet longings should be taken lightly. To the contrary, we need to have the courage to let them do their work: they are pointing us to our most real needs and directing us to the truest deepest surest solution: Jesus Christ. I still have that silly bulletin because it is a concrete reminder of a) how crazy I can be, and b) how quickly I search for substitutes to my heart’s real needs, even though Christ’s sufficiency hasn’t changed.
As we fast and pray on Monday, let’s take all of our mixed up pains and hopes and unmet desires first and foremost to Jesus. Let’s pour out that reality at the foot of the cross, and ask Him to come to us. He is faithful: He can and will work on our hearts!
In His Grace,
Friday, July 8, 2011
Those of you who are familiar with Cache' Connections know that it is our desire to partner with Christian churches around the country and ultimately be a well-known resource (I like to say "preferred provider") for singles in the Church. The main goal of Cache' Connections is to connect singles who desire to be married to another believer. Our secondary goal is to create a community for singles, so that they will not feel so isolated from the Church.
Well, here's an interesting story on that front - an example of God's timing. We paid a visit to a large church in the Detroit area a year ago and had a great conversation with an associate pastor with a heart for singles. After we left, he presented some of our ideas for a singles event to the senior pastor. At the time, the senior pastor was apparently "not that into us." We are used to this type of dynamic and have simply continued to pray for possibilities in Michigan, as well as other states where seeds have been planted.
About two weeks ago, we heard from said associate pastor who was recently asked by the senior pastor, "Hey, what are we doing for singles?" Their desire now is to create a community for singles not only in their church but from the surrounding areas and from other churches. They feel that having Cache' Connections as a part of this plan is key. They are even so bold as to say, "We want to see these people get married!" Plans are slowly beginning to take shape for regularly-scheduled events of a variety of sorts. They love the idea of singles connecting online to preview profiles, and then having an opportunity to meet each other, as well as others, at a social event. Your prayers are appreciated as we step out into this great adventure!
Interestingly, we spoke to a single leader in Chicagoland this week whose church is beginning to have the same thoughts ... they want to bring singles into the church through ongoing events and eventually plug them into small groups for spiritual growth. What better way to do so than with a third-party provider such as Cache' Connections, who has the heart for singles and the gifts, experience and mechanisms to put such plans into motion?
It's interesting to see God's plans unfold as we are faithfully and patiently persistent in the calling He has laid on our hearts. Join us for the ride!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
We get a lot of requests from our single friends in the northern Chicago suburbs to host events, and recently The Chapel has invited Cache' Connections back for an area-wide event. The Cache' Connections Christian Dating Redefined Conference and Expo will be held at The Chapel's Barrington Campus on Friday, August 26, 2011. Save the date!
When discussing the ideas for the event, single leader "John" enthusiastically agreed that a showing of our DVD would be very appropriate. He feels the material is very relevant and well delivered by Dr. Stephen W. Simpson. While the DVD is a great tool for personal or small group study, it also serves as an eye opener for singles viewing it in a larger, theater-type setting. Rave reviews from other church leaders continue to roll in. For more information on the DVD, click here.
We will be busy little bees calling area business vendors to sponsor a booth and offer games, giveaways and prizes for our guests before and after the DVD showing. If you know of any friends in business who would like an opportunity to be a part of this singles expo, please contact us!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
We had a small but cordial group in The Meeting Room last night, where Founder/Linda offered some basic tips and insights to help Cache' Connections members navigate the sea of online dating. Here are some highlights:
Linda: Well it is 8:00. Are you both members of CC?
Linda: Great! Any questions on your minds?
Chatter: Where are the gentlemen?
Linda: haha, well, statistically there are many more Christian single ladies than men, and the ratios on the site are 3 women to each man. But it looks like they are all in your Not Interested tab ::blush
Chatter: Well, the majority don't feel the same about abstinence.
Linda: I see. That's a good reason.
Chatter: I think so. If someone is going to be uncommitted to this christian value, what others will there be?
Linda: That's true. Well, we do pray for more men to be saved, and for Christian men to get out there and spread the gospel to their coworkers, etc. So that is one thing we can all be doing.
Did you find not one who is committed? Because what we tell people, esp. women, that they really can't afford to be toooooo choosey in this search. For instance, you might be waiting for a very long time for a guy who makes X amt of money, is committed to abstinence, lives within 50 miles, wants kids, etc. Oh and is tall dark and handsome and w/o baggage.
Chatter: No one is without baggage; but some were too far away.
Linda: It doesn't hurt to go over your Not Interested profiles and prayerfully reconsider some of them. Many times we do this with mentoring clients and they say, "I don't know why I moved him; he seems interesting, etc." Or on the blind date service and they end up paying us to go out on a date with someone they had marked as Not Interested.
Chatter: I did write to one, but he was not interested. But you are right, it is something to prayerfully consider.
Chatter: I just today went into the not interested, either they were too young or lived in another state.
Linda: Well does everyone have their primary photos on file??
Linda: ...and everyone has their dealmakers/dealbreakers and they are not repetitive ...
Chatter: And so how do you recommend we analyze what might be problematic with our profiles if we're simply not hearing from *anyone* --in the "preferred" Or in the "not interested," even when we initiate a conversation?
Linda: Hmm ... well ... the usual turn-offs for guys, if I may be blunt ...
Chatter: go ahead.
Chatter: I'm braced.
Linda: are looks and/or a woman who seems to want a man who makes more money than he does.
Chatter: neither of which we can do anything about!
Linda: Also if anything in your bio sounds too negative ... or needy ...
Chatter: The most important thing, to me, is if a man truly loves God, and practices what he says. "seek first the kingdom of God and all of these things shall be added unto you." It seems to me, that it is very difficult to find that kind of man. But not impossible, if God wills.
Linda: Hi ___! It's a man!!
Chatter: What, is this Sadie Hawkins day - great!
Linda: We have a question for you. What do men want?
Man: Hey, this man wants good communication, just like gals (or like they say they do?)
Linda: That's not asking too much.
Man: Anyway, since I'm the only guy, what do Women want? I thought honesty, politeness, attentiveness, listening, trying to draw another person out? Or?
Chatter: Those are all good qualities.
Linda: women want a godly man ... someone to listen, protect, defend, do life with. We hear also that they want men who are masculine. We get a few comments from ladies that Christian men overall don't seem very masculine. They also want a man who would accept their kids/family.
Man: In addition, here is what I hear (a lot): Women want someone who is fun, light-hearted, laughs a lot, does not take himself too seriously.
Linda: Let's talk communication. What would you say on an initial email to someone of interest? Anyone?
Chatter: I would just send a smiley. I'm not used to being the aggressor.
Chatter: I would look at their profile and look at some things of interest and relate an email to something they had written.
Linda: It is not aggressive to send a friendly hello.
Man: Hopefully you mean the initiator?
Chatter: yes, initiator, lol.
Linda: Man, do men mind getting the first message?
Man: No. We like it if it is a person we would have initiated with ourselves.
Linda: Man, if it was someone you Weren't going to write to, would it cause you to take a 2nd look, if you like the message she sends?
Man: I think that happened once, I had "new eyes" when someone wrote me.
(insert chatter about what members say on an initial message)
Man: Hmm, on this site, I have only answered a few messages, and have met only one person live. But in general, I do what (Chatter) suggested, I try to pick up on (almost) everything they mention. Then they write back, and answer maybe 60% of my questions, and that is a good connection.
Linda: Man, it sounds like maybe you are too close to 100 Questions. It can be intimidating and exhausting to feel like you have to address a ton of questions right out of the gate. And a bit too ... presumptuous.
Man: But that also filters out candidates who might be on a different wavelength.
Linda: But can you be sure?
Chatter: I think it's good to pick a few things to ask about...it's an introduction..and also giving the reader the feeling that it's okay if they opt out of the questions, if they are not interested.
Man: On another site, I met someone whose profile was as detailed as mine, and very sort of oriented to a committed Christian life. This was easy to respond to, the women describes herself as a little bit intense and therefore perhaps intimidating to some, but I was comfortable with it. It is probably a 5 percentile thing, though, so I agree with Linda that you cannot be sure what type your new match is, therefore, ought to err on the side of brevity.
Linda: yes yes.
(insert chatter re: speed dating events)
Man: Hard to date when people are also going back for more education or have 2 jobs, etc. If someone has 2 or 3 hours a week for a relationship, that is a lot, for some folks. So, what is the critical mass that tips the balance?
Chatter: I thought u would want to build a possible relationship and u can't do that on 2 or 3 hrs a wk. I just met someone that is doing that, and I'm not a happy camper, lol.
Man: Yes, that's what I mean: people are too busy, that's all you get.
Linda: But, again, generally speaking, People Make Time to Do What They Want to Do.
See Who They Want to See.
The chatters stayed after Linda left and continued chatting about more personal issues. The Meeting Room is a great place to "rub elbows" with others in the same stage of life as you are, who have the same "single world view" that you do. Watch the Events tab at Cache' Connections for more upcoming chats!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Pssssssstttt! Want to know a secret? If you want to get some great advice that is part of the Cache' Mentoring Services, but for FREE, join Founder/Linda in tonight's live chat at 8:00 pm CST!
Part of what sets Cache' Connections apart is our desire to provide guidance to help you become a healthy dater and potentially a healthy mate. We have found that some folks are stumped as soon as they get started - they are unsure how the Cache' Connections website works, they are hesitant to send messages, etc. We will discuss the basic mechanics of the website for any new members who may have questions, and then we can move on to more personalized issues, such as how to tweak your bio, what to say in those crucial first and second messages, etc.
CLICK HERE for more details on how to join in the fun tonight!
Friday, July 1, 2011
Yesterday we received the happy news that Leonard popped the question last weekend and she said yes before he could even get down on his knee. Leonard wrote the following in an email announcement:
We came, we tried and we met: Jan and I were first introduced through a Cache Connections Xmas/White Elephant event in early December, 2009 and everything fell into place and then some. Cache is a Christian social and dating venue that we both tried for the first time that evening, not knowing what to expect other than to determine if this 'experiment' with a unique Christian social venue really works.
After much date(data) modeling and simulations, regression and mapping analysis, in-depth studies of our 'love languages', and repetitive reviews of our verbal and non-verbal interactions and communication skills over the past 1.5 years,.......................I am here to proclaim that Cache Connections does work after all.
Simply a God-inspired connection point for Christian singles who desire a mate, Cache' Connections can "work" for those venture out to try new things. We are thrilled that it worked for Jan and Leonard and our many other couples. In order for it to work, however, some folks need to be more proactive on readying themselves, and eventually fine-tuning a relationship before saying "I do," as Leonard and Jan have.
We wish them God's best for their future together!