Sunday, February 27, 2011

The Book of Ruth Lends Dating Advice

At Cache' Connections, we are constantly asked by female members if it is acceptable for them to make the first move. Most women prefer to wait for the men to send the first message, claiming they want to be pursued. While there is nothing wrong with men pursuing women and women wanting to be pursued, we believe by and large that this is a cultural norm that has somehow been assumed to be biblically based. We have not found anywhere in the Bible that women should not pursue men, although we know it is clear that men are to be the spiritual leaders of the household after marriage. (See Eph. 5: 22-24)

The Book of Ruth reveals some interesting insights on the topics of "dating and mating." If you are not familiar with the story, I encourage you to take a little time to read it. It's a beautiful story of Ruth's selfless devotion to her desolate mother-in-law Naomi. But it's a story full of other points for us to ponder.

First, although Naomi and her husband were Israelites, they moved to the country of Moab, where their sons both married Moabite women, one of which was Ruth. This is worth noting because eventually Ruth remarried Boaz and became the great-grandmother of King David and part of the genealogy of Jesus Christ. So this answers the question of interracial marriage, in our humble opinion. Taking that one step further, it seems to affirm that remarriage after the death of a spouse is acceptable in God's eyes.

Second, you will see in the third chapter that Naomi encourages Ruth to "wash and perfume yourself, and put on your best clothes." So much for "he should like me for who I am on the inside." See our previous blog titled, "If you want to catch a fish ..."

Third, reading further, Noami instructed Ruth to go find Boaz at the threshing floor (a very forward move because women weren't normally present at the evening revelries of the threshers) and after he was lying down, to find him and go and uncover his feet and lie down there. So, we could view Naomi as a matchmaker or coach of sorts.

Fourth, it seems that Ruth took this one step further and asked a startled Boaz to spread the corner of his garment over her, since he was a kinsman-redeemer (meaning he had the primary responsibility to marry a widow). The act of spreading the corner of a garment was and still is practiced in parts of the Middle East today, and is a request for marriage. How's that for pursuing a man?

Finally, there was a notable age difference between Boaz and young Ruth. While this is something we at Cache' Connections don't particularly promote, I would be remiss for not pointing it out.

We encourage females to feel free to be the first one to say hello, then leave room for the male to take it from there. As relationship experts will tell you, a healthy male dater will go to great lengths to pursue a woman that he is interested in. But sometimes, guys need a little encouragement and guidance to think outside of the box :)

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Sneak Peek Week!

We like to provide a free week for singles who are "sitting on the fence" and a little hesitant in trying the website.  So, to help them get started, we clear away the hindrance of entering billing information and open accounts for free.  And ... here we go again with a Sneak Peek weekend!  From now through Monday night any and all Christian singles can receive free website membership with no strings attached!  This includes new and past members. 

Here are some of the pictures of bios of members who have agreed to "putting themselves out there" in the Single Spotlight:

"I am looking for someone who is kind, caring, Godly, and funny. A sense of humor can take a couple through the fire and storms of marriage. I want someone with whom I have chemistry and can talk for hours about whatever. I also want someone who will be a great dad."

 "Well...., lets see, most people probably view me as a good old country boy that loves and lives life to it's fullest. God has been so gracious in my life, great family, friends and above all the greatest gift known to man, the gift of His Son. I would like to meet a lady that can eventually share in hopefully a progressive and fruitful relationship in accordance to Gods designed plan."

"I love God. He is the motivating passion in all that I do. From that come my passions for family, learning, music, exercise, serving, and enjoying his creation. I love to laugh and spend time with those close to me. I am driven to be all that God wants me to be. I give 110% in everything I do, but have learned to rest and to accept help from others. I have a huge heart, and love to try new things."

"I'm a self employed contractor and father of three teens with whom I spend a lot of time. I would like to meet someone who is honest, has a high level of integrity and who enjoys intelligent conversation. I exercise regularly, plus the physical activity of my job keep me in shape. I really want someone who is physically active and who takes care of her health. Healthy eating is also important to me, but I don't take it to an extreme. A former jock, I play volleyball monthly, and on Sunday mornings before church you'll either find me on a bike ride with my buddies or hiking in the winter months."

"I love the Lord and just want to serve him in everything I say and do. I have a passion to help the underdog and love how my job gives me that opportunity. I just want to be free in Christ and help others get free as well. I am looking for a man who loves Jesus and who can love me with that same love. I'm looking for someone I can submit to the way I've submitted my life to God. I'd like a man I can trust and respect. I'd also like a man who has a knowlege of the Bible and likes to pray and serve God."

Just contact us for your free week on the matching website. Please help us spread the word and invite your single friends to try out a Sneak Peek!

Cache' Connections

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Cache' Connections January-February Newsletter

2011 is off to a running start at Cache' Connections. We rang in the New Year at our first 4-on-4 Connection Party in Schaumburg, Illinois with approximately 38 singles. This was the first time to play the fast-paced dice game known as Bunco, and after a few rounds and getting a few kinks worked out, the guests got the hang of it and had a ball rolling for prizes and tossing the fuzzy dice around the room to anyone who yelled "Bunco!" when they rolled three of a kind. Connections are natural in this game as high scorers change tables every 5 minutes and all partners are rotated.

We shook off some winter doldrums at a Cache' Connections Game Night in Naperville, Illinois and another 4-on-4 Connection Party in Springfield, Illinois. While there is always plenty of friendly conversation at CC events, we've heard of two possible "love connections" from the Springfield event!

Speaking of love - we LOVE Valentine's Day at Cache' Connections! This year marked our third birthday of being in business, as well as some very interesting anniversaries for some of our couples. As a birthday treat of sorts, we called out for comments on our blog and on Facebook, asking "What Does Cache' Connections Mean to You?" Click here to read the blog post, which contains many confirmations that this is God's business.

Valentine's weekend was packed with events such as the ever-popular Cache' Connections Mixer at The Clubhouse in Oak Brook, Illinois, a variety of private 8-on-8 dinner parties, a Valentine's Dinner in Naples, Florida, and a Cache' Coffee Connections event in Barrington, Illinois. Many singles were challenged, encouraged and blessed for venturing out on this holiday that can sometimes be difficult for them.

Membership continues to grow, and official and unofficial success stories continue to roll in. Some of these couples are hesitant to have their stories and photos posted on the website, but trust us when we say, "It is working!" Some Cache' couples seem to be on the fast track, and some are on the slower track. We pray daily for our members and couples, asking God to help them keep Christ at the center of their relationships.

There are plenty of events on the horizon; be sure to check them out on the Events tab. On the larger scale, we look forward to visiting singles at New Life Christian Fellowship in Jacksonville, Florida on 4/2/11. And preliminary plans are being made to "play in Peoria" again in May with a Cache' Connections Expo featuring Dr. Stephen W. Simpson, who is the featured expert on our Christian Dating ... Redefined dvd.

Reminders to members:

- Please post your photos! First we need your headshot and bodyshot taken against a plain indoor wall or door, then we can approve 6 casual photos
- Consider widening your age and mileage ranges under My Account Settings to increase your connections
- Don't forget to read the blog and find Kim Whitaker and Linda Martin on Facebook; also join the Fan Page!
- Join a growing email group of those who are fasting and praying for singles desiring marriage. Email to be added to the list!
- Check out the expert-led chats in The Meeting Room. Click Scheduled Events for details.
- Lastly, remember that all subscriptions will automatically renew unless you cancel your subscription under Billing Management.

Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Chat recaps: Finding Contentment in the Waiting

Last night's chat featured Christian Life Coach Lynn Erhorn of Perissos Resources in Jacksonville, Florida. She led a chat on finding contentment in the waiting - here are some highlights:

Lynn: I'm (Chatter), a Christian Life Coach, here to help answer questions about finding contentment in the waiting. ...have you been to a Cache Connections chat before?

Chatter: Hi Lynn, yes I have been here before. I'm at work right now and will be able to participate on a limited basis.

Lynn: Is this topic something you struggle with regularly?

Chatter: sometimes, usually I wonder how to know if God is in the waiting.

Lynn: Do you mean you're wondering if God has a reason for His timing? Or, are you wondering if He might not be aware or in control of your circumstances?

Chatter: no I know that God is in the timing of everything and am content in the waiting. sometimes it's hard to know the difference between waiting and when it is time to respond. how to know if it's God that is moving or me.

Lynn: I see. What kind of response do you think would be appropriate?

Chatter: well first of all I know it has to be Biblical.

Lynn: Right. That's always a good test of any decision point.

Chatter: and when opportunities present themselves I have to prayerfully consider the decision.

Lynn: Okay, so if I understand, you're asking not about the waiting as much as how to respond to perceived opportunity?

Chatter: yes, and how to know if God is in the opportunity.

Chatter: (being content) is def hard. but I find that keeping busy helps.

Chatter: well if you can't find contentment with God being single, you wont find it in someone else. At least not forever.

Lynn: Well, I don't know if we can always know that right out of the gates. It's always good to have a biblical approach to getting to know someone in stages so you can make that determination prayerfully as you go. Although, sometimes, it's clear very early that a relationship is not great to pursue.

Chatter: keeping busy just for the sake of keeping busy can be more distracting than beneficial sometimes.

Lynn: Keeping busy to mask feelings of discontentment is probably going to present some struggles after a while, I would think.

Chatter: but relationships aren't easy and I've learned that sometimes I react out of my past not the current situation.

Chatter: can you give us some warning signs? .. you were saying that you sometimes know early on during the relationship that its not something you want to pursue.

Lynn: Well, behavior that shows a lack of commitment to biblical principles would be cause for hesitation for a Christian single. Sometimes that can be seen from a mile away. Sometimes it takes a while to reveal itself.

Can anyone in the room tell me if they find themselves struggling with remaining content while waiting for the right relationship?

Chatter: yeah that is something i struggle with.

Chatter: I'm struggling more with waiting for the relationship to develop at a healthy pace and to know that God is in it.

Lynn: I believe that everyone has needs, the most critical of those usually being associated with issues of acceptance, feeling significant, and feeling secure. When we feel impatient or discontented, I believe it comes out of those needs. Would you agree?

Chatter: like i mentioned earlier, i think if you struggle finding contentment as a single serving God, then you wont find it someone else. I still struggle with it back and forth. Its just kind of a balancing game.

Chatter: interesting...makes sense, any suggestions on how to recognize which need?

Lynn: Well, I would say it's not always one clear-cut need. The important thing to note here is that, whatever the need is, there is only one way to have it met. Jesus Christ is your source, your portion, and your cup. If that sounds unsatisfying or cliche...then that signals to me a need to restore our heart for Christ.

God is in every relationship, even if He is using the wrong one to teach you how to recognize the right one! Cache Connections points to the psalm about guarding your heart as a cornerstone of it's ministry. That's always a good shield to use as you step out and explore relationship possibilities.

It's actually Proverbs 4...sorry. Verse 23: Above all else guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Chatter: i think guarding your heart is kind of an abstract concept to most people. we don't really get how to do it.

Lynn: Would you like some direction on that concept?

Chatter: sure, I mean i've been coming to an understanding of it as i have dated but it would be great for everyone including myself to hear your advice.

Lynn: It's important to remember that God created us for relationship...with Him first and with each other after that. It is not good for man to be alone. His plan from the start was for us to relate to one another.

Chatter: Lynn, I also think that sometimes we hide behind guarding our heart and don't take a risk or let someone get close.

Lynn: Sure, can take guarding to the furthest limit and shut themselves off.
A good way to learn how to guard your heart biblically is to spend enough time with God and in His word to learn the provisions He made for our benefit and our protection. If we read Ephesians and Romans and understand His instructions on how we should be treating one another, we can be built up in our own conduct as well as be quick to recognize questionable conduct in others. In the proverb, a father is giving advice to his son about guarding his heart. He is saying that if we keep ourselves focused on the things of God, our heart will be filled with His love and His joy and that's what will govern our behavior toward others. So, it's not a warning to shut others out, but a warning to protect our hearts from letting evil in.
Does that make sense?

Thanks Lynn for leading this chat! Join Cache' Connections for the next expert-led chat on Sunday, March 6 at 7:30 pm cst, featuring Expert Emily Shupert. The topic will be boundaries in dating. To access the public chats:

go to:
click on: Community and Advice
click on: The Meeting Room
click on: Java screen
enter your CC username and then the password: cachecommunity

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

New Chat Leader and Topic: Finding Contentment in the Waiting

Tonight's chat will be led by Christian life coach Lynn Erhorn of Perissos Resources in Jacksonville, Florida, who is passionate about helping clients establish their identity in Christ before anything else. Lynn will be a part of the Cache' Connections Expo at New Life Christian Fellowship in Jacksonville on April 2, 2011.

Join Lynn and other Christian singles and come prepared with your nagging questions, such as "How do I balance waiting on God with doing my part?" And, "Can I trust God to provide a mate and what should I be doing in the meantime?" These chats are fun and free to the public as part of our ongoing mission to provide healthy dating advice.

The chat begins tonight at 7:00 p.m. CST (8:00 p.m. EST).

Here are instructions on how to participate in The Meeting Room:
go to:
click on: Community and Advice
click on: The Meeting Room
click on: Java screen enter your CC username or first name and then the password: cachecommunity (It may be necessary to download free Java software from

Have fun and feel free to stick around for casual conversations after 8:00 pm CST.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Monday, February 21, 2011

How can women boost men's confidence?

Life is full of conundrums, isn't it? Today's puzzle is about men - although I'm sure they all would say that women are the real puzzle.

Referring to the book titled, "For Women Only" again, it was a real eye opener when I read that most men are hiding a deep inner vulnerability and need constant affirmation (Chapter 3.) The puzzle is that while men want to be needed, single women have had to be their own leader and figure out how to do life without a man in it. I don't have all the answers, but I do know that God's design for marriage has never gone out of style. And if a woman wants to attract a man, he needs to see that there is room for him in her life.

So we posted a poll on Facebook on how women can boost men's confidence. Here are some of the ideas my very wise friends suggested:

Dave: Be a true partner.

John: find out what they are good at and tell them how good they are at doing it.

Johnny: Pray earnestly for them. Celebrate when they step out in faith to do something, regardless of the outcome. Withhold criticisms of anything, unless it is a life-or-death situation. Frequently mention how you made the right decision in the man that you picked, and make it personal by saying specific things you appreciate. Speak to them Scripture that shows that what they are doing, is what God wants them to be doing. If they acted in integrity, not taking the easy way out, speak a scripture to them and point out how their behavior matched the scripture.

Lisa: Listen to them.

Vicki: Encourage them at whatever they set out to do. Don't discourage them. Always be kind. Never fail to tell him you love him.

Olga: Remind them how much God Loves them!:)

Laura: Women may boost men's confidence by showing interest in the activities, ideas, or opinions in which they are involved. Not that we have to agree and definitely not faking our's a matter of respect and courtesy. If you truly want to be a part of his life, then be a part of his "world" by proactively engaging him in conversation that interests him.

Vicky: Make them feel needed even when you can do it yourself. Encourage him in the area he is best at and the areas he is struggling. Let him know that you are blessed to have him in your life. Truly listen to not just his words but his unspoken words and actions.

Cari: Encourage them A LOT no matter what it.

Laura: Listen to them and respect them...give them an opportunity to protect you and fix situations.

Laurie: Submit to their authority as the bible tells us to do in a respectful and loving way. We submit out of love not because we have to.

Les: just say YES! :o)

These ideas can be utilized in friendships, dating and marriage. 1 Thessalonians 5:11: Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Do Women Intimidate Men?

I have a confession. I .... was .... w..r..o..n..nnn...nng. When someone suggested we post this question, I didn't think the guys would respond. The following just goes to show how wrong a blogger can be:

B.J.: Never. I've had plenty try, but I just take it as a test, and have fun with it.

Jim: Yes, usually the women you really are attracted to..

Johnny: Here's an anecdotal observation of mine:

We've all heard the story that the most popular cheerleader is usually the one asked out the least, because all the guys assume that she's already been asked.

From my personal experiences, most of the men that I've known over the last 20+ years of interacting with Singles in Singles ministries share this one thing:
Men are not as afraid of being turned down, having a woman say 'No', as they are deep in their hearts of what will happen if the woman says 'Yes'. Deep in a man's heart, he knows that if the woman says 'Yes', then there will be expectations and responsibilities and he might even have to come to grips with things within himself that he's been putting off. there are so many other things that come into play as well.
The idea that a woman might say 'Yes' is intimidating.

It's also part of the fantasy, to not actually attain the goal. Once you have the girl, the fantasy is gone and reality sets in.

: When they are very good dancer. Black velvot and the river waltz are my favorites.

Les: Thats hard to something more of an "intimidation" or is it more of a "turn off"? Women who have the "I dont need your help" attitude can be intimidating or a turn-off. about if they drive a nicer car than you?

: never intimidated, but nervous if you really like them.

Mario: Most women terrify me.

Larry: if the woman is overly attractive, some guys are intimidated. they figure, "she is out of my league." and in some cases, they are right.

Nila: A woman told me once I intimidated her! I thought what?! So I asked her why and she said...I looked like I had it all together.I was attractive, smart, had a nice car and home. I thought oh my gosh! I thought those were good things! If a woman thinks that what does a man think?!

Me: interesting Nila. All the more important to be mindful of your smile and approachability I think.

Nila: I well, do smile a lot. And I am very friendly/out going and that is why she said she decided I wasn't someone she should be intimidated by. I guess we should all be willing not to judge people by our first impressions and not just what appears on the surface. Or maybe our own insecurities.

Les: Its quite true that first impressions make a big difference in how we view people. Its good to trust that to a point but to be mindful that you cannot know someone's heart if you've never had a conversation with them. Nila...I think some men could be intimidated by a woman who "has it all together"...perhaps is seems to show the world that she doesn't need a man in her life. After all, she's worked and provided everything she owns...what does she need a man for? A guy WANTS to feel needed-BY a woman...even if its just to change a lightbulb or check the oil under the hood! :o)

: Sometimes, it just depends on the woman and situation. To comment on Nila's above post. Sometimes guys just feel it is hard to approach an attractive woman because they feel the woman has seen and heard it all and knowing all the "jerks" and lines some guys will use, plus through experiences from female responses in the past or in the "movies", and the "out of my league" feeling sometimes, they will feel rejected before they even try. There is also the difference between the fine line of confidence and arrogance too.

Dave: Women who are very smart, very beautiful, very popular, very wealthy, very powerful, etc. CAN be intimidating. It all depends on how they come across. If they are warm and friendly, then it doesn't matter.

I don't agree with Johnny, who said that men are afraid that a woman will say "yes." If you act naturally and just be yourself, then why would you be intimidated by a woman saying, "yes?"

John: @Les - "A guy WANTS to feel needed-BY a woman...even if its just to change a lightbulb or check the oil under the hood!"

I agree. Sometimes women who 'do it all' and are 'independent' unconsciously send the message that 'I don't really need you, but you're nice to have around'.

Often women are so concerned about having *her* needs met with all the right romantic gestures, being concerned about her feelings, communicating your feelings, etc. etc. that they let you know that *your* needs are inconsequential and completely secondary to her needs. The man has to jump through a hundred hoops, but the woman has to jump through none.

Glen: I was intimidated by some women who I thought were "out of my league". This was before I got saved. Then as I grew and the Lord started changing me, I realized that if a woman can't accept me for who I am, then she's not the right one. Thank God that he gave me His wisdom and discernment; as well as my Proverbs 31 woman (whom I met through Cache' Connections). Excited to see where the Lord leads us.

Anonymous: Someone who is very confident and secure in their personhood can be intimidating to someone who is lacking in confidence and a secure identity first and foremost in the person of Jesus Christ. When we know that we are loved by God unconditionally, our confidence should be greater as a result.

I used to find the more attractive women intimidating until I learned that it is their confidence and my lack thereof that made interacting with them so difficult. As I learned who I am in Christ, my confidence kept growing and growing over the years and the confidence gap kept narrowing and narrowing. And that made it considerably easier to interact with them!

So make sure that your confidence is rooted in God. You'll find out that in interacting with women, actually men and women, it will become much easier and certainly not so intimidating. You may eventually not even notice any
intimidation. Really, we are all equal in God's eyes...

Got a question for the opposite sex? Contact us and we will consider posting a poll for you - on the Q.T. of course :)

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

If you want to catch a fish,

A friend sent me an article published in Psychology Today titled The Truth About Beauty. This topic is always timely, but it reminded me of a conversation I was having with a female I was working with this week through the Cache' Connections Mentoring Services. We were talking about what colors look best on her (she had no idea), and I was encouraging her to wear at least a little bit of makeup for her upcoming photo session. She was very open to receiving my suggestions, and admitted she was stuck in a rut about the plain style of clothing she usually chose. I believe I used the phrase, "If you want to catch a fish, you have to bait the hook."

While the article is a bit harsh and the usage of the term evolved is a bit scary, it does reveal some hard truths. The truth is that that men are wired by God to be visual, and it doesn't look like this basic fact of life is going to change any time soon, despite the feminist movement and other female grumblings.

These truths were first confirmed for me when I read Shaunti Feldhahn's little book titled "For Women Only," based on Shaunti's interview with over 1,000 men. This book and it's counterpart, "For Men Only," are high on Cache' Connections' Recommended Reading list. Chapter 8 of "For Women Only" is titled "The Truth About the Way You Look," and Shaunti's basic finding states: The effort you put into your appearance is extremely high on his priority list. Yet the chances that you know his true feelings are extremely low. If this is true for married men, how much more true is it for single men seeking a mate?

But Christian women will say, "What kind of a Christian is he? Doesn't he realize it's what's inside my heart that counts?" To which most of them would respond with something like: "It starts with attraction, then everything else must fall into place from there."

We're not saying that you have to be size 2 and sport the Barbie Doll look. We find, as Shaunti did, that oftentimes it's the simple fact that you care enough to take care of yourself and look good for "the man," not that you look like someone he just saw on the front of Vogue magazine at the checkout stand. Worth mentioning is that it is true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What is attractive to one person might not do anything for another. And it does work both ways, to a degree, so we suggest that guys and dolls both take a healthy self-assessment of their health, weight, appearance and style and pray and ask God what changes might need to be made. It's a great idea to enlist the opinion of a trusted friend or relative who is good for an honest opinion.

As Shaunti says, "But what's on the outside does matter. And when we seem to be willfully ignoring that truth, our men - even godly men who are devoted to us - end up feeling disregarded, disrespected, and hurt."

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Chat Recaps: When to have the DTR talk?

DTR = define the relationship.

Today's blog includes recaps and highlights from Tuesday night's live chat with "Expert Emily" Shupert, a therapist from Atlanta, GA. As a Christian single herself, Emily's favorite angle on dating is boundaries. Click here to read more about Emily's practice.

Emily: Hey friends! Welcome to tonight's chat on dating and boundaries! As people join tonight, the floor is open to whoever has questions...glad to help!

Chatter: I have one - at what point in the dating relationship is it appropriate to bring up the "where is this relationship going" talk?

Emily: right after your introductions, just kidding! I'd suggest you discuss after several dates. It depends on the person though because some individuals will have that conversation 5 dates into the relationship while others will wait til 2 months or later. There isn't a "right" time but I do think that it is important to be able to have that conversation, especially if you are not into the other person but you can see that they are falling for you...helps everyone pace the relationship better.

Chatter: I recently left a relationship where I was cheated on..i've tried to let go.. but the hurt feelings still emerge when I see the other woman, places that my boyfriend and I used to go to, etc...what can I do to truly "let go"?

Emily: wow, I am sorry to hear this! First off, before anything else that you can "do" you need to grieve. Many times we say "oh, you are better without him" or "he is missing out" or whatever else to find comfort however before you can let go, you must take time to grieve. Grief isn't bashing the other person but being sad, feeling the pain, and admitting the loss of what was, could have been, etc. It is important to not camp out in grief for a long time but it is imperative that you honor your grief before going further. In the grief process, I encourage you to write a letter to him but don't send it....tell him how it hurt you and what you wished would have happened.

Chatter: I don't feel impaired by what happened, its just certain places/things evoke feelings that I know I shouldn't feel (anger).

Emily: It is important for you to have closure so that the more you see those places, the less they will impact you. Time will certainly heal but you can also give yourself closure to let him go and the places will have less significance too.

Chatter: He didn't deserve you. You deserve someone who respects you!

Emily: Writing out what you wanted and how you were you have been healing and are moving on but still hurt sometimes when you are reminded of the past can all be included.

Chatter: I apologized to the other woman and I did feel peace after doing that, but it is hard to still see her and think about what they did.

Emily: I'd encourage you to not send the letter but devote it to God. I know it might sound silly but offer it to Him and ask Him to give you the healing as He offers you growth during this process. Ask Him to offer you ways to make new memories around other places, offer distraction when you see the other woman, and be fully overwhelmed by His love for you.

Chatter: Great advice, Emily!

Emily: We can't truly get "over it" before going in and through our pain. By honoring it through our grief, we can move forward in new relationships without as much emotional baggage. Sometimes we think we are "over" someone but we haven't fully grieved so we go into another relationship and we throw our insecurities and past hurts onto the other person. It isn't fair to you or the other person so do your work now so that you don't have to see it recycled in another relationship down the road.

Chatter: It's good to forgive the person too. It's not 'letting them off the hook', as God will take care of things later. It's 'letting go', so a person doesn't become bitter.

Emily: Yes, it is very important to forgive and that comes with time as the Lord heals. It is important to be aware of what you are forgiving...not simply saying "I forgive you" but for being more specific. Not necessarily needing to be done with the person but in your heart with the Lord.

Chatter: Wow thanks..i guess this just means that I need to use this as an opportunity to better the only relationship that matters .. which is my relationship with God.

Chatter: can be a one-sided forgiveness.

Emily: Sometimes getting the other person to be available to forgive them can be even more can go into a situation where they aren't "safe" to listen and can't be supportive of your need to forgive/find closure.

Emily: Good for you (Chatter) for getting back in the dating world after ending a recent relationship...hope you find some great resources and new friends on cache!

Chatter: I already have...cache is awesome. I went to the Coffee Event in Barrington today.

Chatter: So did I - it was a fun event.

Emily: Good for you guys! I think that there are amazing resources available through cache....not only online matching but also through the local events where you can meet other singles in a social and relaxed setting.

Chatter: Plus...Linda and Kim pray for us, care about us, and mentor's a very nice service to be a part of!

Emily: Exactly, I don't know of any other program that offers such unique and personalized services. Truly one of a kind!

Chatter: Oh, and I'm sure Expert Emily cares for us too....that's why she's!

Chatter: Emily, how would you deal with a distant relationship at the start? go into with idea of distance separation?

Emily: Great question. I think that we serve a really big God and sometimes we cancel people out because we think that the details will be too much. I believe that distance can be a big issue but if God desires you to be together, He will orchestrate things to work out. Can you tell me a little bit more? I want to make sure I understand the question completely, thanks!

Chatter: no real guidelines for question was thinking of just general, for instance I live in Illinois and you in atlanta, would be long distance, probably as (Chatter) says would be hard to see us coming together.

Emily: Even if a date is a total bust, I encourage people to think about what they learned about themselves in the situation. If you can walk away with 3 things you learned more about yourself in a dating situation, you have greatly benefited!

Chatter: Yes, it's good to learn from dates. I've been on several this year, and they've each taught me some things.

Emily, is it good to have a list to sort through people if it knocks off most people or better to expand list?

Emily: Yes, it is good to have a way to filter for sure! I would encourage you not to make the list sooo specific that you aren't able to date anyone short of them being perfect but making a list based on what you need (spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, etc). It is important to be aware of what things are Most important and make that your "must haves" and the things that are not helpful at all are the "can't stands." Come up with 5 on each and those are the biggest filters to work through.

Chatter: I understand, thanks, hard to get to know some of those without dating. Just a problem is am opposed to drinking and smoking, tends to filter a lot out quickly.

Emily: Good, keep that list and then share it with your friends so that you can have some built in accountability.

Chatter: have done that as well, done a lot of reading on cache.

Emily: sometimes we think someone is amazing and we let the list go because "he/she is just so amazing" but we let those big items go when we go ga-ga for someone new :) List items might be: view of work (hard working, apathetic, etc), perspective on finances/materialism, spiritual beliefs, values, etc. I would say that these are all after being assured that they are a Christian whose life is being transformed by Him daily...not just going to church on Easter :)

Sharing relationship advice is very important at Cache' Connections. Check the Scheduled Events for more chats coming up!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Sweet nothings to Cache' Connections

Yesterday on Valentine's Day Cache' Connections celebrated the third anniversary of our very first day of business, and we thought it fitting to involve our friends in a fun opportunity to win a free one-year subscription by commenting on our blog. Many comments were received through our Facebook pages and here on the blog. This morning the names went into a "hat" and out came AMBER S.'s name! CONGRATULATIONS AMBER ON YOUR ONE YEAR SUBSCRIPTION at Cache' Connections!

Here are some of the posts:

Markita: Happy Birthday Cache Connections!!! Because of you, I just celebrated my one year wedding Anniversary yesterday with the most amazing, wonderful, godly husband, that you "hand-picked" just for me!!! I am very happy to say that I am more in love today than I was a year ago! I couldn't have asked for a better match! Cache Connections means "hope" to me.... After being a member for over a year, and starting to feel a little discouraged, you came through for me with my "expected end...." (Jer 29:11) You were His eyes, and ears, and hands that brought us together! I feel so indebted to you, and grateful for God establishing you for such a time as this to be an advocate, and intercessor for the seemingly "forgotten" remnant of Christian singles of today. God bless you, and I look forward to celebrating many more Birthdays & success stories with you in the years to come!!!!! Kim & Linda I love you!

Sandra: Cache Connections means a lot to a lot of people. For some it is the pot at the end of the rainbow, the princess in the castle, the knight in shining white armor,a way to self-discover and make improvements we did not realize we needed to make to prepare ourselves for that special person, and to others what may be the end of what has seemed like a futile attempt in doing what God has asked us to do. "Go ye, and multiply..." For me, Cache Connections has taken on a whole new meaning; they are an area of oasis, restoration, recovery, and victory. A kind of Psalm 23 for singles, divorcee's, widow/widower's, and those with hope deferred. For, in Kim and Linda's life, marriage, relationships, and work God is the focus, the center, the beginning and the end of their day. As He should be to all of us, and as they mirror what a true relationship is, I see that is why their success is so great, because they teach the same tools to those who ask and apply them. Thank you Kim and Linda, for being used in God's master design for healthy Christian marriages and relationships and being woven into so many lives. I appreciate the oasis!

Heather: Happy Birthday Cache Connections!! Even though I have not had the chance to be a member, I have enjoyed getting to know Linda and Kim since the beginning. I love the concept and I love their heart. Linda & Kim, may God continue to bless you each day in this adventure as He uses you as a minister to Singles everywhere!
Valentines is not an easy day for Singles. However many years ago, I decided that I wanted to help Couples have a chance to get away and spend time together. So, I would start babysitting on Valentines Day for close friends as a gift to them. This year I did something different. I used the time to spend at my nieces school and helping with their parties. Then I went and volunteered at the YMCA when they were short changed. I know people who try to say that Valentines is commercialized, and it is, but it means so much more than that. I hope married couples take the time to appreciate each other, and encourage each other and let them know that they are not taken for granted. Happy Birthday & Happy Valentines Day Cache Connections!!!

Becky: Roses are red, Violets are blue,
I'm taking a chance
on romance with You!

Andrea: Happy Birthday. Feb is a great month to be "born" in.

Amber: Happy birthday! I signed up on valentines day last year. No matches yet but I had fun being a member. I hope this year my luck changes in many ways but I would love to participate in am event this year as well as signing up for mentoring help because I definitely need help! I hope I will have a sweetheart to cherish by next valentines day but I think it is just a great way to really show your soulmate that your life is better with them in it! :)

Vicky: Cache Connections not only provides a way for a person to meet others it also offers guidance for those tough questions that arise from dating.
Valentines Day is a day set aside for someone to show their mate just how much they mean to them. A way to say thank you for the love and support that has been provided the rest of the year. When one is alone, it is a time to see the love that is shared by others.

God has a clever way of continuing to confirm that He is in this business with us, and We wouldn't have it any other way! Thanks everyone for participating :)

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Monday, February 14, 2011

Post your birthday wishes to CC and vie for a prize!

Subtitle: Linda Has Writer's Block

Today marks the third anniversary of Cache' Connections' official launch into the business of connecting Christian singles. Since we've done so many other postings on our history, origination, etc., we thought we'd leave today's blog to you.

So give us your thoughts this Valentine's Day. You have two options:

1. What does Cache' Connections mean to you?

2. How do you feel about Valentine's Day?

Post your comments here on the official blog, or on our Facebook pages. All posts will be entered into a drawing for a ONE YEAR SUBSCRIPTION to Cache' Connections, good for you or a friend. This is not a writing contest, so don't feel the pressure I'm still recovering from :) Just post away - and be sure to let us know your name and how to get a hold of you. You can write to

... and Happy Valentine's Day!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Friday, February 11, 2011

50 first dates ... this weekend?

Subtitle: The Cache' Connections Love Boat?

It's Valentine's weekend - our favorite time of the year! For Cache' Connections, it's always been packed with fun events that connect people who are still hopeful to find their own Valentine. When we first began this biz, we weren't sure about hosting events ... because so many singles struggle just to get through the Valentine's holiday. But of course that didn't inhibit us from trying something "out of the box." Our first Valentine weekend after re-launch in 2008 was spent entertaining about 600 singles for a Cache' Connections Live! event, followed by our first "Cache' Connections Dating Game." A lot of risk, a lot of fun, some great memories. Another great Valentine memory is a Cache' Connections wedding this time last year for our winning couple from our Dating Game in Peoria, Illinois! Happy anniversary Craig and Phillis! Who woulda thunk it? Several other connections have been made in years past, and just this morning I spied a pending question-popping for a special CC couple who met at one of our bowling events this time last year :)

This weekend we have a variety of activities going on, including a Valentine's Mixer in Oak Brook, Illinois. 50 people will enjoy mixing, mingling and dinner in a private room at The Clubhouse. On Saturday there are 8 people that we have hand-selected for a Cache' Connections Dinner Party - always a big hit! Sunday offers Cache' Coffee Connections (speed dating) in Barrington, IL and a large Valentine's Dinner Party in Naples, Florida.

But back to the 50 first dates. One of the guys who is invited and registered for the private dinner party on Saturday has begun talking to someone else through the Cache' Connections website, and they plan to meet Saturday afternoon. He's asking about getting out of the dinner party Saturday night, stating that he feels like a "player." (Previously he had mentioned that he'd never been so popular as we bantered over our Facebook connection. I told him to stick with CC and we will keep him busy.)

But my friend brings up a good point to ponder. Is it cool to meet or date different people in the same time period? We took this question to Dr. Stephen W. Simpson, author, relationship expert and Director of Clinical Psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary. Dr. Steve said that while he's not big on "dating" more than one person at a time, it's perfectly fine to "get to know" different people at the same time. This can, of course, happen in a variety of ways, including events, online dating, first dates and maybe even the infamous super market meet-up. So I asked my friend if they had met in person yet, and he stated no, they had not. I told him that it's perfectly fine to be meeting different people and frankly that people do it all the time! Also, he can simply explain to his female connection that he has a commitment and is needed at a dinner party for four women and four men, and she should respect his desire to follow through with that.

50 first dates? It could happen this weekend, especially for our friends in Chicagoland. Once you feel a possible spark with someone, you will need to let your other pending connections know that you have decided to pursue a certain person. If you prefer to go slower, one - possible - meeting - at - a - time, that's fine, but that may be part of the reason why you find yourself in your 40's or 50's and still looking for Mr./Ms. Right. As we constantly remind ourselves at Cache' Connections, "the harder we work, the luckier we get." Of course, we don't believe in luck, but we believe God partners alongside of us in our efforts and blows wind in the sails of this already moving "love boat."

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Come on over?

From time to time we hear that singles have a first or second date at one of their homes, often for dinner and/or a movie. While on the surface this sounds ... nice ... we feel it can create too much temptation, unless there are other people present in the home. Also, generally speaking, it's best to get to know someone before you get into a situation where they could harm you. But in true Cache' Connections fashion, we took it to the streets to make sure we aren't being to prudish. Here are the results of a recent Facebook poll:

1. In my opinion, it seems a bit soon for that kind of date. That might make a good 3rd-4th date.

2. It's too soon to be doing that!

3. Totally agree, too soon. Even without what came out of last nights chat it is too soon!

4. I would never go to a guys house if he is there alone....that could lead to temptation and as Christians I think we need to avoid temptation.

5. I would NOT do a first date in his home. Always meet for the first few dates in public.

6. I agree. Meet somewhere neutral on that first date. It should be casual and somewhere to just chat and get to know each other a little bit.

7. Definitely meet in public a few times before you meet at each other's house. Then when you DO meet at a house hold have a group of friends have dinner with you too!

8. A 1st DATE?! Whoa, not this gal... And I love to cook!

9. Never.

10. I agree with ___'s comment...too soon. I spend time e-mailing a guy for awhile, before I give out my phone number. I only give out my cell # first. I think it's wise to meet in a public place for the first few dates.

11. One word: DANGEROUS!

I noticed that no men piped in. Would the poll shift?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections
p.s. Our "pulpit answer" can be found under Safety Tips on the website.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Chat Recap: Healthy, Holy Sexuality

Last night Kim ("The Pres") led the final chat in a series based on Cache' Connections DVD titled Christian Dating ... Redefined. Here are some highlights of the discussion:

Kim: well, the video features dr. steve simpson who is a relationship expert from fuller theological university in california. and he starts off the video by talking about the models of sexuality that have evolved over time. i'll give a brief synopsis. you have the puritans who believe sexuality is evil and the pornographers who say you do whatever you want with the body... that it's not connected to your soul. both of these messages are similar in that they are telling us our bodies are not connected to our soul. agree?

so, that brings us to today. and modern culture is telling us that sex is at the beginning of the relationship. all of our senses, mind, body and spirit are connected.

Chatter: or "is" the relationship.

Kim: yep, that's what dr. steve is getting at. But the Bible tells us something different.

Chatter: sexuality is the expression of a relationship with God as its foundation.

Kim: scripture emphasizes that our bodies are a part of who we are. that our sexuality is important to God. 1 Cor. 6:19 says our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.

Chatter: "So therefore glorify God in your body".

Kim: so, what dr. steve is getting this means as Christians, we have to show the world how sexuality is done. "how to make sex sexy" in the context of family and commitment. your thoughts?

Chatter: Yes. Commitment makes it so much better, so they say.

Chatter: I totally agree with "chat-admin". It's important to acknowledge our sexuality yet give it its proper place as God designed.

Kim: well, then what does that look like?

Chatter: Sexuality needs to be expressed in the proper time and place. This is called respect for the other person, and honors God.

Kim: ppl typically ask dr. steve about boundaries and how far is too far? but he says he doesn't think that's a good question.

Chatter: Agreed! if you have to ask yourself if it is too far it more than likely is too far.

Kim: he said a better question is what's pleasing to God and good for the relationship.

Chatter: Why do ppl. try to see what "they can get away with"? Sad.

Kim: he compares your sexuality to something that happened to him in high school youth group. he said while he was upstairs learning about sexual purity, ppl were downstairs making out. so he says we need to bring our sexuality upstairs, to what is pleasing to God.

Chatter: I think when feelings are strong, there's a struggle there for both. It can be hard if you don't lay out what the boundaries are beforehand, for both.

Kim: Exactly - that leads into the next part. dr. steve says you shouldn't just make it up as you go forward in a relationship. sexuality is a powerful thing. we should pray and talk about before getting into a serious relationship - set boundaries.

Chatter: ...chart your course ahead of time.

Chatter: It does seem unnatural and un-spontaneous to discuss boundaries beforehand, but the respect for each other is strengthened. People will be much happier in the knowledge that they did it God's way.

Kim: excellent point. it's called being intentional.

Chatter: so at what point do you have that discussion?

Kim: as i told my children in their teens, you want to make up your mind and set boundaries before you get in situations that your emotions may take over. that way, when you get in those situations, a red flag should come up.

Chatter: there is power in knowing the right thing to do and doing it! it would be too late without a plan.

Chatter: proactive is much easier than reactive.

Kim: it is also good to discuss so you don't allow yourselves to get in situations that are compromising - such as spending time alone in situations where you will be tempted.

Chatter: like being alone in each other's homes without roommates.

Chatter: so at what point do you say hey joe this is my limits and what i expect?

Kim: well, dr. steve doesn't really pinpoint the exact time, but i would say it would be after you have started being intimate. by that, i say holding hands, kissing. dr. steve does say what is appropriate. he recommends keeping things sensual, but simple.

Chatter: best to err on the safe side. if there is mutual respect for each others boundaries, this shouldn't be a problem.

Kim: holding hands, cuddling, kissing.

Chatter: It's important to know what sorts of things can push you over the edge and draw a boundary a good distance from that.

Kim: mutual respect is imperative, but sometimes one person can be weak and the other might need to draw the line. when dr. steve says simple, he means things that don't require a lot of complication. things that don't require unhooking, locking the doors, getting under the covers. this is all stuff that is "down in the basement." he says to bring your sexuality upstairs to what is pleasing to God. dr. steve reminds us that we need to make up our mind ahead of time, because we can't go backwards. and another way to evaluate if you are going too far... your sexual relationship needs to be balanced the the rest of the relationship. are you as spiritually, emotionally and intellectually as close as your are physically?

Chatter: in other words the physical should not out pace the spiritual, mental, etc. dimensions of the relationship.

Chatter: Yes, the various aspects should be at a similar level.

Kim: exactly. otherwise, you relationship is based on physical intimacy. and that eventually wears off to some degree. and you want to feel close on other levels.

Chatter: I've been in a relationship where both of us have helped keep our boundaries -- sometimes one of us felt weak but God provided strength to the other. It is really important that both truly love God.

For information on the dvd titled Christian Dating Redefined, click here and watch the trailer and order your copy. It's on sale through 2/14/11 for just $11.95 plus s/h. Great for small groups, singles groups, etc.!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Monday, February 7, 2011

Cache' Connections Blind (and not so blind) Dates

The Cache' Connections Arranged Blind Date services were launched at the beginning of the year, and we've had many takers already! We've also had many questions about this service, so here's the story:

This idea actually sprang from a client with a very public profile who asked if we have any "a la carte" services. He's hesitant to have a profile online, so wanted some personal assistance on the Q.T. Naturally, we said, "We can do that!" And we were off. First, we took some time to get a profile on him through a phone conversation. Then, we set out sifting through our database to find women who met his criteria - a huge task. (As a side note, we share your frustrations that some members don't have photos; a picture really is worth a 1000 words.) We soon had John Q. Public connected with a sweet lady in his area, and we are continuing to work with him on finding his Ms. Right.

So as a natural progression, Kim said let's do this for others. Since most of our single friends are online, I had to ask the obvious, "Why can't they just do it themselves?" Her short answer was: "They just aren't."

Here are some reasons why folks are taking us up on these blind and sometimes not-so-blind date arrangements:

1. They aren't interested in online dating; not good with computers, typing, etc.
2. It's a fun risk to take, and dating isn't happening any other way.
3. A single has had his or her eye on someone they met at CC events but can't seem to pin him or her down - my personal favorite reason :)
4. Their attempts at dating and/or choosing whom to date haven't been successful and they want some expert assistance.

There is a lot of flexibility with this program. For instance, the $75 date arrangement fee is negotiable, either the asking party (client) can pay it all or ask the other party to pay the remaining $25; the meal can be paid by either party or we suggest "Dutch treat"; we can keep the connection completely blind or get permission to release names and contact information ahead of time; we can make the dinner reservation or you can. A lot of variable, a lot of possibilities! For more information, click here.

As always, don't hesitate to contact us to discuss your personal situation.

Here's looking at you, kid!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Friday, February 4, 2011

Statistics Prove One of CC's Battle Cries

It's interesting to me that there is a steady stream of articles, books, questions, insights, etc. sent to Cache' Connections by those who have an interest in what we are doing. I don't think the topic of relationships is ever going to go out of style; even married people are sending fodder.

I especially like articles that prove my point. One pastor from Georgia sent me an article posted in USA Today yesterday titled "Men, women flip the script in gender expectation." It has some interesting statistics; some very interesting, some a bit disheartening. You can read the full article here.

What caught my attention was this post-note:

•Singles can fall in love with a friend. Seventy-one percent (of singles surveyed) fell in love with someone they did not initially find attractive after having great conversations or shared interests or both; 35% fell in love with someone even though they felt no sparks initially.

It's exactly what we've been talking about. Looks are not everything. Friendship first. Most importantly, keep an open mind about the choices you make.

Have a SUPER weekend!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Perfectionist Dating ÷ Not Settling = Being Content?

Probably not that easy. But I suppose as a blogger I should expand on this thought ...

The other day Kim posted this comment on Facebook:

Interesting conversation with a member tonight who broke it off with someone she was dating, but wasn't really feeling the chemistry after giving it a good try. She said she appreciated my advice on "not settling" just because she is afraid of being alone.

To which one friend replied, Where is the line between not settling and being content?

Kim went on to say this particular lady had been recently divorced from a very abusive relationship. She tends to "go with the flow" when it comes to guys... in other words if they're interested, she doesn't think about what she wants, but just goes along with the relationship irregardless. This particular man was not abusive. He is a very nice guy, but just doesn't interest her. Kim encouraged her to break her old habits and think about what it is she wants and desires in a relationship before jumping in.

We've talked a lot about perfectionist dating, but the opposite of that would be settling. Settling would involve staying with a potential mate who is abusive, boring, uncommunicative, a non-believer, or just generally not a good match. People who fear being alone would tend to settle, and probably need to deal with their own issues before seeking a serious relationship. We need to be secure and confident in our identity with Christ first and foremost, rather than finding our self-worth in the simple fact that we have a potential life partner.

Being content, in our opinion, would be when you are in a pleasant relationship with someone who of course is not abusive, is a believer, is not boring, etc. There are no identifiable deal-breakers involved. You should be drawn to a person who is your potential wife or husband - you can't keep him or her off of your mind and look forward to seeing them again. You feel a sense of attachment and begin imagining a future with him or her. Contentment comes into play when you consider that there are still other fish in the sea - but your heart tells you that this little fishy is "just right" for you and you set aside your search. You waive the white flag on your dating life, keep your eyes on him or her and settle in on making the best of the gift that God has given you. He or she may not be a "10" to you or your friends, probably has some quirks and a few annoying habits (which at first you find endearing or are able to overlook, but later will become more of a nuisance), but you realize that you are not perfect yourself and commit to making him or her happy. In other words, your feelings for him or her allow you to "get over yourself" just a bit.

Remember, God's overriding purpose in marriage is to help you become more like Christ. He isn't looking for perfection ... he is looking for those who would humble themselves and serve Him. Perhaps I should figure a dose of humility into the equation ... but math is really not my strong point.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Authentic dating from last night's chat

We had quite a crowd in "the box" last night, as people had nowhere else to go with all of the heavy snow and closings. The topic of the night was based on Chapter 3 of Cache' Connections dvd titled: Christian Dating ... Redefined. Authentic Dating. Sounds refreshing, right? Here are some highlights from the chat:

Linda: who can give me an example of how to approach dating with authenticity?

Chatter: dating with the right motives.

Linda: what kind of motives?

Chatter: People sometimes figure out their motives in hindsight, as in, Hmm, I got on this website on a dare, but now that I have met a few people, I realize that with my kids and job, I don't have the time.

Chatter: I guess for me it would be to go with pure motives, not bc you are trying to get back at someone u dated or someone broke your heart and so you are just going out with someone else to fill that void that other person left.

Linda: So dating with authenticity starts with being a healthy dater. right?

Chatter: yeah, you have to have yourself on track first.

Chatter: yes, be the right person for God before being the right person for someone human.

Chatter: It takes very little commitment to press a few buttons on a web site. If you do not have to work very hard, then it is "easy come, easy go."

Chatter: Agree.

Linda: ok, then what? let's say you see a girl you kinda like at church or small group or the paint store.

Chatter: and?

Chatter: i think she wants to know what would you do.

Linda: i think i do too.

Chatter: I may strike up a conversation with her, if she is approachable.

Linda: ok let's say that happens and it goes well. would you dance around for a week or a month or would you plain ask her out on a "date"?

Chatter: how about "I would like to get to know you better..."

Linda: good answer! So what is the goal of this first date you just landed?

Chatter: the paint store? Thanks, that's my problem, I have not been spending enough time in Home Depot! :)

Chatter: Dr. Simpson says: Make sure she knows it is a date - in the book.

Chatter: to get to know him/her.

Linda: and ... to see how well you connect.

(all agree)

Linda: is it to make him/her like you? is it to make her laugh? to impress her?

Chatter: No, don't impress her.

Chatter: that's a timeless principle: be yourself.

Chatter: Last person I took to dinner wrote back: you are doubtless the most intelligent person I have ever met. Not what I necc. want to be remembered for on a date. Better luck next time?

Linda: oh (Chatter). hmmm. did you talk too much?

Chatter: I already knew the right answer = Be interested, not interesting.

Linda: how did she know that you are smart?

Chatter: Could have been during the Obama speech, which we watched after dinner since she is interested in politics.

Linda: watching Obama talk does not equal you are smart.

Chatter: She said, Why does Obama recommend electric cars, rather than looking for more fossil energy. So, I explained peak oil at 2050, idea of collecting pollution at the power plant than from every car tailpipe, and then nuclear fusion. Well, I mean, fossil energy.

Linda: Chatter, how long did that explanation take, curious mostly.

Chatter: Not long to explain, I think she liked that part. It was really something else: Her last husband died, she tells me she has dated a lot, but never had the same feeling again, yet.

Linda: I see. It's not you, it's her.

Chatter: She did not say being intelligent was bad, she said I was a perfect gentleman, and would make a good friend. Ha!

Linda: well at least she didn't let the rel'p carry on when she knew there was no interest. That is part of authentic dating, telling it like it is, In Love.

Chatter: I hate it when they say lets have a platonic friendship! lol

Chatter: I'd rather have someone be honest at the beginning than to let the relationship go on...

Chatter: Well, last 3 guys have gotten the same platonic thing from her, I am in good company. Actually, no time. She says.

Linda: sounds like she has a nice bag of excuses!

Chatter: she may be single a long, long time .....):

Chatter: So, that was also the source of the "whim" comment about getting on a site.

Chatter: maybe this woman should be single for a while/.....sounds like her heart hasn't healed from the death of her husband.

Chatter: cpa, grandchild = excuses. if it's impt. u will make time.

Chatter: she could have tried with the expectation of getting one thing and she got something totally different.

Linda: That's just it, wethinks she's not really ready - was maybe trying it out on a whim.

Linda: So let's say it did go well on the first date. At the end of the date you:

a) run
b) smack her on the lips
c) ask her 20 questions
d) ask her for another date

Chatter: d.

Chatter: Is testing the water fair to the others who are much more intentional about finding someone???

Linda: not really Chatter, but since when is life fair?????

Chatter: why isn't it fair?

Linda: - kinda like using someone to test your readiness -- ouchy if he likes you.

Chatter: but we don't really know what level someone is at until we all try...

Linda: well this is risky biz after all. you just have to be willing to face that. over and over.

Chatter: life is about risk taking, more exciting than sitting home (except tonight)

Chatter: she tried what she thought would be a potential didn't work so you keep your own life moving.

Chatter: Yes...the hope, excitement...then the letdown... It's a risk, but well worth it. Sometimes, it's hard to keep pursuing dating, as the letdown is tough.

Chatter: I like the risks I'm taking, I'm getting closer to day I will meet the person God has intended for me. It's exciting.

Linda: I bet it can be very wearing. So if the date went well, you ask her out again on the spot, then, right???

Chatter: I wouldn't want to be asked out on the spot...

Chatter: i am not sure if right after is a good time.

Chatter: I think I would ask her out on the spot if the date went really well.

Chatter: I would like to be asked out again on the spot. Then I wouldn't go home guessing if the person liked me...or would be calling me again.

Chatter: that is true. But then you would feel obligated to say yes.

Chatter: You can say you like them by saying you had a good time, then emailing next morning to say you liked the date. If you are a woman, that is. So, the guy will be encouraged to take next step.

Linda: Well I did mean If you feel that both of you enjoyed yourselves. If you aren't entirely sure, Dr. Steve says to cool off a bit.

Chatter: why can't men just be confident...if you want to ask then ask...quit waiting for a "signal" from a woman all the time.

Chatter: Not that guys need a signal. But I have also experienced it where a woman was very positive and explicit in reinforcing behaviors she liked, which was a nice feeling.

Chatter: "I'm not sure" That is a risk. Don't want to put them on the spot. That's why one needs to listen and look at them and see how they respond. In the first few dates, you may prefer to follow up the next day or so with a phone call or email if unsure about asking for the next date.

Linda: I think that's fine.

Chatter: better than putting her on the spot! (she really may be unsure!)

Chatter: A gal may need a day, or so, to process what she's thinking....also to pray about what God would have her to do.

Chatter: Some people go out on a few dates, to see who they are interested in dating exclusively. I can understand if a guy wants to do that.

Chatter: that makes a lot of sense ...a lot of wisdom there.

Linda: well the dating guru's hour is up, but everyone is more than welcome to stay and figure everything out. or just have fun. thanks for joining us! next week Kim's on the schedule for Healthy, Holy Sexuality. Tues. 7:30 pm cst. and oh - and buy the Dvd! shameless plug ...

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

What's a Bunco?

Flying fuzzy dice, changing partners, giggles and groans, dancing dice, shouts of "Bunco!" and prizes are just a few indications that you've walked into a Cache' Connections 4-on-4 Connection Party! And we encourage you to register or walk in for another such fun event in Orland Park this Saturday night!

Cache' Connections braved our second such party in Springfield, Illinois this past Saturday night. For those not familiar with the dice game known as Bunco, it is a simple dice game which involves taking five minutes to roll for ones around a table of four, then five minutes rolling for two's, and so on. If you roll a one, you keep rolling. If you don't, you pass the dice to the left. Sounds pretty simple, right? It is - well, after the first round. There's always a learning curve with a new game. But once the singles got the hang of it, they had fun adding scores with the person across from them, and changing seats every five minute round. Perfect for singles!

There are hundreds of ways to play, but we've simplified it enough so that anyone can get the hang of it, and we're always on hand to answer questions on scoring. There are prizes awarded for high score, low score, most Buncos and the last one holding the fuzzy dice. "But what's a Bunco?" you ask. Well, if you are rolling for ones and you happen to roll three ones, that's a Bunco! So you holler "Bunco" and watch for the flying fuzzy dice from the last player holding it.

So if you don't have plans this Saturday, join us at 4:00 pm for this fun game, followed by dinner at Mimi's Cafe in Orland Park, Illinois. CLICK HERE for details and to register!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections