Last night's chat featured Christian Life Coach Lynn Erhorn of Perissos Resources in Jacksonville, Florida. She led a chat on finding contentment in the waiting - here are some highlights:
Lynn: I'm (Chatter), a Christian Life Coach, here to help answer questions about finding contentment in the waiting. ...have you been to a Cache Connections chat before?
Chatter: Hi Lynn, yes I have been here before. I'm at work right now and will be able to participate on a limited basis.
Lynn: Is this topic something you struggle with regularly?
Chatter: sometimes, usually I wonder how to know if God is in the waiting.
Lynn: Do you mean you're wondering if God has a reason for His timing? Or, are you wondering if He might not be aware or in control of your circumstances?
Chatter: no I know that God is in the timing of everything and am content in the waiting. sometimes it's hard to know the difference between waiting and when it is time to respond. how to know if it's God that is moving or me.
Lynn: I see. What kind of response do you think would be appropriate?
Chatter: well first of all I know it has to be Biblical.
Lynn: Right. That's always a good test of any decision point.
Chatter: and when opportunities present themselves I have to prayerfully consider the decision.
Lynn: Okay, so if I understand, you're asking not about the waiting as much as how to respond to perceived opportunity?
Chatter: yes, and how to know if God is in the opportunity.
Chatter: (being content) is def hard. but I find that keeping busy helps.
Chatter: well if you can't find contentment with God being single, you wont find it in someone else. At least not forever.
Lynn: Well, I don't know if we can always know that right out of the gates. It's always good to have a biblical approach to getting to know someone in stages so you can make that determination prayerfully as you go. Although, sometimes, it's clear very early that a relationship is not great to pursue.
Chatter: keeping busy just for the sake of keeping busy can be more distracting than beneficial sometimes.
Lynn: Keeping busy to mask feelings of discontentment is probably going to present some struggles after a while, I would think.
Chatter: but relationships aren't easy and I've learned that sometimes I react out of my past not the current situation.
Chatter: can you give us some warning signs? .. you were saying that you sometimes know early on during the relationship that its not something you want to pursue.
Lynn: Well, behavior that shows a lack of commitment to biblical principles would be cause for hesitation for a Christian single. Sometimes that can be seen from a mile away. Sometimes it takes a while to reveal itself.
Can anyone in the room tell me if they find themselves struggling with remaining content while waiting for the right relationship?
Chatter: yeah that is something i struggle with.
Chatter: I'm struggling more with waiting for the relationship to develop at a healthy pace and to know that God is in it.
Lynn: I believe that everyone has needs, the most critical of those usually being associated with issues of acceptance, feeling significant, and feeling secure. When we feel impatient or discontented, I believe it comes out of those needs. Would you agree?
Chatter: like i mentioned earlier, i think if you struggle finding contentment as a single serving God, then you wont find it someone else. I still struggle with it back and forth. Its just kind of a balancing game.
Chatter: interesting...makes sense, any suggestions on how to recognize which need?
Lynn: Well, I would say it's not always one clear-cut need. The important thing to note here is that, whatever the need is, there is only one way to have it met. Jesus Christ is your source, your portion, and your cup. If that sounds unsatisfying or cliche...then that signals to me a need to restore our heart for Christ.
God is in every relationship, even if He is using the wrong one to teach you how to recognize the right one! Cache Connections points to the psalm about guarding your heart as a cornerstone of it's ministry. That's always a good shield to use as you step out and explore relationship possibilities.
It's actually Proverbs 4...sorry. Verse 23: Above all else guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Chatter: i think guarding your heart is kind of an abstract concept to most people. we don't really get how to do it.
Lynn: Would you like some direction on that concept?
Chatter: sure, I mean i've been coming to an understanding of it as i have dated but it would be great for everyone including myself to hear your advice.
Lynn: It's important to remember that God created us for relationship...with Him first and with each other after that. It is not good for man to be alone. His plan from the start was for us to relate to one another.
Chatter: Lynn, I also think that sometimes we hide behind guarding our heart and don't take a risk or let someone get close.
Lynn: Sure, ...one can take guarding to the furthest limit and shut themselves off.
A good way to learn how to guard your heart biblically is to spend enough time with God and in His word to learn the provisions He made for our benefit and our protection. If we read Ephesians and Romans and understand His instructions on how we should be treating one another, we can be built up in our own conduct as well as be quick to recognize questionable conduct in others. In the proverb, a father is giving advice to his son about guarding his heart. He is saying that if we keep ourselves focused on the things of God, our heart will be filled with His love and His joy and that's what will govern our behavior toward others. So, it's not a warning to shut others out, but a warning to protect our hearts from letting evil in.
Does that make sense?
Thanks Lynn for leading this chat! Join Cache' Connections for the next expert-led chat on Sunday, March 6 at 7:30 pm cst, featuring Expert Emily Shupert. The topic will be boundaries in dating. To access the public chats:
go to: www.cacheconnections.com
click on: Community and Advice
click on: The Meeting Room
click on: Java screen
enter your CC username and then the password: cachecommunity
~ Linda
Cache' Connections
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