Thursday, February 17, 2011
Do Women Intimidate Men?
I have a confession. I .... was .... w..r..o..n..nnn...nng. When someone suggested we post this question, I didn't think the guys would respond. The following just goes to show how wrong a blogger can be:
B.J.: Never. I've had plenty try, but I just take it as a test, and have fun with it.
Jim: Yes, usually the women you really are attracted to..
Johnny: Here's an anecdotal observation of mine:
We've all heard the story that the most popular cheerleader is usually the one asked out the least, because all the guys assume that she's already been asked.
From my personal experiences, most of the men that I've known over the last 20+ years of interacting with Singles in Singles ministries share this one thing:
Men are not as afraid of being turned down, having a woman say 'No', as they are deep in their hearts of what will happen if the woman says 'Yes'. Deep in a man's heart, he knows that if the woman says 'Yes', then there will be expectations and responsibilities and he might even have to come to grips with things within himself that he's been putting off. there are so many other things that come into play as well.
The idea that a woman might say 'Yes' is intimidating.
It's also part of the fantasy, to not actually attain the goal. Once you have the girl, the fantasy is gone and reality sets in.
Gary: When they are very good dancer. Black velvot and the river waltz are my favorites.
Les: Thats hard to answer...is something more of an "intimidation" or is it more of a "turn off"? Women who have the "I dont need your help" attitude can be intimidating or a turn-off.
Or...how about if they drive a nicer car than you?
John: never intimidated, but nervous if you really like them.
Mario: Most women terrify me.
Larry: if the woman is overly attractive, some guys are intimidated. they figure, "she is out of my league." and in some cases, they are right.
Nila: A woman told me once I intimidated her! I thought what?! So I asked her why and she said...I looked like I had it all together.I was attractive, smart, had a nice car and home. I thought oh my gosh! I thought those were good things! If a woman thinks that what does a man think?!
Me: interesting Nila. All the more important to be mindful of your smile and approachability I think.
Nila: I well, do smile a lot. And I am very friendly/out going and that is why she said she decided I wasn't someone she should be intimidated by. I guess we should all be willing not to judge people by our first impressions and not just what appears on the surface. Or maybe our own insecurities.
Les: Its quite true that first impressions make a big difference in how we view people. Its good to trust that to a point but to be mindful that you cannot know someone's heart if you've never had a conversation with them. Nila...I think some men could be intimidated by a woman who "has it all together"...perhaps is seems to show the world that she doesn't need a man in her life. After all, she's worked and provided everything she owns...what does she need a man for? A guy WANTS to feel needed-BY a woman...even if its just to change a lightbulb or check the oil under the hood! :o)
Greg: Sometimes, it just depends on the woman and situation. To comment on Nila's above post. Sometimes guys just feel it is hard to approach an attractive woman because they feel the woman has seen and heard it all and knowing all the "jerks" and lines some guys will use, plus through experiences from female responses in the past or in the "movies", and the "out of my league" feeling sometimes, they will feel rejected before they even try. There is also the difference between the fine line of confidence and arrogance too.
Dave: Women who are very smart, very beautiful, very popular, very wealthy, very powerful, etc. CAN be intimidating. It all depends on how they come across. If they are warm and friendly, then it doesn't matter.
I don't agree with Johnny, who said that men are afraid that a woman will say "yes." If you act naturally and just be yourself, then why would you be intimidated by a woman saying, "yes?"
John: @Les - "A guy WANTS to feel needed-BY a woman...even if its just to change a lightbulb or check the oil under the hood!"
I agree. Sometimes women who 'do it all' and are 'independent' unconsciously send the message that 'I don't really need you, but you're nice to have around'.
Often women are so concerned about having *her* needs met with all the right romantic gestures, being concerned about her feelings, communicating your feelings, etc. etc. that they let you know that *your* needs are inconsequential and completely secondary to her needs. The man has to jump through a hundred hoops, but the woman has to jump through none.
Glen: I was intimidated by some women who I thought were "out of my league". This was before I got saved. Then as I grew and the Lord started changing me, I realized that if a woman can't accept me for who I am, then she's not the right one. Thank God that he gave me His wisdom and discernment; as well as my Proverbs 31 woman (whom I met through Cache' Connections). Excited to see where the Lord leads us.
Anonymous: Someone who is very confident and secure in their personhood can be intimidating to someone who is lacking in confidence and a secure identity first and foremost in the person of Jesus Christ. When we know that we are loved by God unconditionally, our confidence should be greater as a result.
I used to find the more attractive women intimidating until I learned that it is their confidence and my lack thereof that made interacting with them so difficult. As I learned who I am in Christ, my confidence kept growing and growing over the years and the confidence gap kept narrowing and narrowing. And that made it considerably easier to interact with them!
So make sure that your confidence is rooted in God. You'll find out that in interacting with women, actually men and women, it will become much easier and certainly not so intimidating. You may eventually not even notice any
intimidation. Really, we are all equal in God's eyes...
Got a question for the opposite sex? Contact us and we will consider posting a poll for you - on the Q.T. of course :)