Chrstian Man Shortage?

We are constantly hearing from ladies about how unevenly stacked the odds are when it comes to the men/women ratio among Christian singles. We have even heard of statistics as drastic as 8 Christian women to every Christian man in some areas. These numbers are not as exaggerated as you might think. It is disheartening for not only the single women, but for the Cache' Connections founders and the singles pastors. Not many a day goes by at Cache' Connections without receiving an email or phone call from women concerned about the lack of available Christian men. We have even had women complain that Cache' Connections needs to make sure that these ratios are more even. It is our desire and prayer that more Christian men will surface and be available and willing to engage in a relationship. Unfortunately this is not just a Cache' Connections problem, but a nationwide dilemma.

We were saddened as a singles pastor from a large church contacted us today who said he received a phone call from a 37 year old single professional who "poured her heart out." She was so discouraged about wanting a mate and children and concerned that it was never going to happen.

Drs. Tom and Beverly Rodgers were interviewed on Moody Radio and received a call-in question about this issue. They shared with the caller that they believe churches and pastors should focus heavily on calling men to the faith and also calling men to court women in an intentional manner. The Drs. are very concerned about the lack of "intentional dating" as singles seem to get lost in the gray area of "hanging out" and can prohibit a man from declaring his intentions and so the relationship never progresses.

Cache' Connections will continue to explore new possibilities of seeking out those Christian single men and continually pray that more men will be drawn to seek a relationship with their heavenly Father.

First Date: What not to ask!

We have heard many Christian men say that a first date feels like a job interview - ouch! Others have been asked intrusive questions about their past, their divorce, their relationship with their mothers ... geez! And we are hearing that women are taking offense to questions that are basically conversation starters. Let's try to establish some ground rules.

First, both parties need to enter into the first meeting with low expectations, with the thought in mind of perhaps making a new friend. Try to set aside your lifelong dreams of Prince Charming, personal issues, past hurts, biological timeclock, etc. and just relax. No one but Jesus will EVER be able to be your all-in-all answer to all of life's gaps and woes, as well as your heart's desire.

So, here are some DO NOT ASK questions:

a. What is the reason for your divorce? Why 2 divorces?
b. Were you unfaithful to your spouse?
c. How much money do you make?
d. Why haven't you ever married?
e. Why don't you get a makeover/hair cut?
f. You're not bipolar or an alcoholic are you?
g. Why so many questions, are you a cop/reporter/attorney? (No, he or she wants to get to know you, or... you're stonewalling so much they are valiantly trying to keep things from getting MORE uncomfortable.)
h. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Next, establish a friendly atmosphere. Even if you are quite certain that this person is not going to be a part of your future, manners still apply. You are free to cut the date short, but rudeness is never acceptable. What is acceptable are the following types of questions:

a. How was your drive here?
b. What church do you attend?
c. When did you first come to know the Lord? Do you want to share your story with me?
d. Tell me about your family (or line of work)
e. What was the last movie you saw or book you read?
f. What is one of the most memorable compliments you ever received?
g. What are 5 things you love (hate) to do?
h. Why were you drawn to Cache Connections instead of other sites?
i. What's your favorite, sunsets or sunrises?
j. When was a time you felt God holding you in his care?

I've heard that the most important part of carrying a conversation is surprisingly not to be interesting, but to BE INTERESTED. The person who is free to talk about himself or herself will walk away and say that you are the most interesting person they talked to at the whole party. Of course, we've all spent time with the guy/gal who rambles on and on about his or her childhood, education, relatives, coworkers, garden, dental history, most recent grocery shopping experience ... (Think Toby Keith, "I Wanna Talk About Me" - see link). At this point, you need to pull out your body language arsenal. Look around, check your watch, your phone, your makeup (or regrowth). Do not ask questions, unless it is for the check.

On the topic of who pays the bill, gals can offer to split the check, but should not insist. It's a sign you are dealing with a cheapskate if the man doesn't readily pick up the bill.

To kiss or not to kiss? Um, no. Not on the first date. If things went well, perhaps a quick hug is in order, with a plan for the next contact. Or, a handshake is always acceptable (guys please don't squeeze our hands!). And don't forget, some Christians are used to greeting with hugs and holding hands over grace. If offered from a kind lady or mannered gentleman, accept it without making more (or less) of a friendly gesture of fellowship. If this match is a no-go, kindly express your question or feelings as to whether you are a good match and wish them well. You have just met a brother or sister in Christ!

Check out July's events!

July is packed with some great opportunities to connect with Christian singles! Check out what's coming up:

7/17
Cache' Connections "The Dating Game" at The Vineyard Church - Cincinnati, OH
Join the audience and help the pre-selected contestants choose their winning date! Enjoy refreshments and fellowship after the games. This event is FREE!

7/18
Cache' Connections "Beach Party at the Dunes" sponsored by Liberty Bible Church, Chesterton, IN
Enjoy a relaxing evening on the beach with Christian singles from Chicagoland, Indiana and beyond!

7/18-19 Ignite Chicago, Schaumburg, IL
Stop by our booth!

7/26 Cache' Quick Introductions, Houlihan's, Schaumburg, IL
2 - 5:00 p.m. For ages mid-thirties to mid-fifties

7/31
Cache' Connections Live! First Baptist Atlanta
Come out and enjoy worship followed by Drs. Tom and Bev Rodgers who will be discussing "Building Healthy Relationships." Be one of the first 100 to purchase a ticket ($10) and receive three months free at cacheconnections.com!

Additionally, check out the live chats. Members are enjoying connecting with new Christian friends in "The Meeting Room." Tuesday nights this summer, join in a lively discussion based on the nation's current "singlehood phenomenon." Lastly, on 7/6/09 members will have an opportunity to chat with one of our experts, Dr. Stephen W. Simpson. He will be leading a chat on "Authentic Dating."

Check out the Events tab for all details and registrations. See you soon!

Blessings,
Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections