Monday, November 30, 2009

Connected at Cache' Connections Live! on 11/20

We just received this note from Shaina who attended the Live! event at Calvary Church this month. She has been an active member, attending events and also joining the website. Once again we find that those who are most proactive are finding the most success.

Here's what she had to say, "Hi Kim & Linda, I did go on the chat with Expert Emily tonight. It was interesting. I just wanted to update you on the guys I met at CC Live in Naperville the other week. I have received 3 e-mails from ____________! Also today I got a phone call from ____________ (who I also met at Calvary). We have a lunch date for this Thursday! :)
I'll keep you updated! Thanks for your friendship and your services!"

We have two upcoming events that are great opportunities to connect with other singles... Cache' Connections Christmas Party in Naperville and Peoria. Events(Please encourage your single friends to attend. You never know what can happen:)


Friday, November 27, 2009

Divorce rate for Christians? Divorce proofing advice

Here's a question that was deferred to us by friend-of-singles:

i have a question that i have wondered for years about the answer -
if a couple (both believers) go to church together,do they have a better chance of making it last? would you get counseling at the church (maybe from a couple who have been married for 50 + years?) or is the divorce rate for christians still approx. 50 %?

Thanks for the question. Unfortunately, the divorce rate is the same for Christians as non-believers, about 50%. I'd like to direct you and your reader to our blog post from 11/10/09. Dr. Stephen Simpson, one of our experts, was addressing this topic in a chat. Click here to read the blog.

I assume this couple attends the same church and therefore are on the same page regarding faith. In addition to that, t-i-m-e spent dating or courting is a great element to stave off the risk of divorce, as well as professional pre-marriage counseling. (At least one year is a common recommendation.) Both parties will be bringing their past hurts into the relationship, and it's great if the individuals can identify those ahead of time and know how to recognize and deal with them after the honeymoon wears off. The addition of an older Christian couple who may want to mentor them can't hurt!

I hope this helps.

~ Linda

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving from Cache' Connections!

We want to wish each of you a very happy Thanksgiving today. What a great opportunity for all of us to count our blessings. Here are some things we thank God for:

- the love, mercy and grace of our Savior
- our families
- our homes
- our freedom
- Cache' Connections members and friends
- connections that are underway
- our experts
- our hosts/pastors/advisors
- our encouragers
- the things God has taught us

Although in this world we all have trouble, as Jesus predicted, as Christians we are called to have an attitude of gratitude. We truly have so much to be thankful for. We count it a blessing and a privilege to work with Christian singles in this area of relationships that is so very dear to your hearts.

~ Linda

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Dr. Steve speaks about age difference in dating

Here's some fodder from Monday night's expert-led chat with Dr. Stephen Simpson. Please note, these are Dr's. comments only taken from a group conversation.

Age differences are becoming more common for a number of reasons.
People getting divorced.
People living longer.
Women having careers.
Here are a few things to consider about age differences of 10 years or more:
1) Life phase differences. He'll be retiring when you might be working hard. He might begin having serious health issues and need care when you're still quite healthy.
2) Kids. The closeness in age might be a bit odd, but, since his kids are well into adulthood, it should make it easier. (re: his daughter is only 5 years older than me)
3) Common interests. When you're a generation apart, you might have less in common than it seems at first.
However, You are exactly right that chronological age and emotional maturity often have nothing to do with each other.
Also, it tends to be a bit easier for women to date older men than vice versa (though not always).
Anyway, age difference is not a significant factor if everything else is clicking.
(There is no ideal age difference) You can't really put a number on it because it depends so much on the people involved.

Okay, so we met a guy who is in his 50's and he and his 2nd wife, who is 17 years younger, just had a baby. He is happy as a clam. I guess if she's okay with it ...

Your thoughts?

~ Linda

Monday, November 23, 2009

Favorable feedback from Cache' Connections Live! Naperville

Friday night's event was a success on many levels! Here are a few comments we have received:

"Linda, thanks we had a GREAT time last night!!!! I made a couple of friends!!! My friend told me all the way home what a great time he had and how relaxed he was the entire time. Brian Hunt and the whole worship team just ripped!!!! They were so hot, I thought the stage was going to burn up!! Speakers were just what I needed to hear. You guys did a wonderful job. I had fun. Looking forward to talking with you again ... Great time!!!" Taylor

"I just wanted to thank you so much for Cache' Connections Live in Naperville and all the work you put into getting it ready. I had a blast ... We appreciate what you two do. I think everyone had a really good time... There were a lot of first timers. The word is getting out. :)" Shaina

"I was at the Cache Connections Live event in Naperville on Friday, November 20 and I wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed the event! The music was energizing. The speaker, Juliet Caceres, was really great. I thought she had really good advice. I also like your methods for helping people socialize." David

Personally, we were encouraged to meet a couple who have been dating since they were connected on the website in February '09. We also heard about someone who is married as a result of Cache' Connections. Could this be you? Please tell us if you are in a connection so that we can be praying for you! It's such a blessing to see our original vision come to fruition - one couple at a time :)

~ Linda

Saturday, November 21, 2009

tired blogger checking in

The Day After.

It actually starts as we are still driving home from the event - "... a three hour tour." Kim chatters to keep herself awake and I grunt every so often to keep her going. This is not my ideal time for strategizing, shall we say. Or doing math in my head, which I've never been good at. The calculator will be there in the morning, I mumble.

We had about 170 guests come out to Cache' Connections Live! Naperville last night, and the vast majority really enjoyed themselves. A new emcee was employed; our member Jim from the Single Spotlight led the way and was able to identify with the crowd as a fellow Christian-single-online-dater. Many chuckles, giggles and guffaws ensued as Jim relayed some of his dating disasters. Jim used humor throughout including somehow comparing Kim and my hair to Rod Blagojevich's. (I think ours won.) I overheard one gent tell him that he enjoyed his fifth-grade humor.

Another change-up was Jim doing an interview of the two of us as opposed to our usual "speech." This was a more relaxed setting and it went fairly well, despite some qualms about the ~unknown possibilities.~ Jim, a former radio show host, was in his glory leading the interview. The green tie guy just might have to make another appearance at Cache' Connections Live!

We can't fail to mention our thanks to Brian Hunt who rocked the place with worship. Those guys (and doll) did a Fantastic job! Dr. Juliet Caceres delivered some personally insightful wisdom on staying the course in the race set before singles. Afterward, we changed it up a bit with a get-to-know-you icebreaker, which everyone seemed to enjoy. We had tons of fabulous door prizes - a good night! AND we met a couple who met on the website 9 months ago and are still going strong. Awe ...

Thanks to our sponsors!
Stephen Fako, D.D.S., Naperville, IL
Brunswick Zone Naperville
Meier Counseling Clinics
WMBI Radio
WYLL Radio
EDAN concerts

See you again, Naperville, on 12/6 at Carrabba's and back at Calvary Church on New Year's Eve!


Thursday, November 19, 2009

Cache' Connections Live! Tomorrow

Things are coming together and we're packed up and ready to take off for Naperville for a much anticipated event. Things have come together pretty smoothly, but as always we struggle with how to get the word out. Christian singles are an elusive group to reach. We have found that typical marketing avenues such as print and radio do not bring enough sign ups to justify the high cost. So, we have had to "pull out all the stops" to bring recognition to this event within our means. We thought we've done a pretty good job though - by obtaining free liners on WMBI and WYLL radio (a big thank you to these stations!), placing the event on several event calendars in the Chicago area, and sending hundred of emails. Also, we are really excited that Cache' Connections and the event will be featured in the Faith section of the Naperville Sun tomorrow. Our main campaign though has been making personal phone calls to hundreds of people who have come to previous events. We have found that the personal contact can be the most beneficial campaign of all. It is a time-consuming, energy absorbing endeavor, but overall most people are pleased to receive a call.

So, after doing everything within our means and budget, we were pretty discouraged that the sign-ups have been minimal.... until tonight! As the cut-off was 8:00 p.m. CST, guess what? Yep, here they come, right up until the last minute. It's still hard to tell if we will have 150 or 300+, we're pretty relieved that it seems to be coming together as a well-attended event.

Hope to see you there:)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

It's a Pace... not a Race!

There was some great advice offered in the chat last night. A gentleman brought up the subject of "rushing into a relationship" and asked Expert Emily's help on how to slow it down and prevent another heartache. Here's a tidbit of what she had to say.

"...sounds like you are jumping into a relationship quickly which creates a thrill for the begining but one heck of a heartbreak in the end. I encourage clients to take time getting to know one another, married couples never say "we should have gotten married earlier" On the contrary, many couples say that they wished that they had taken longer in their courtships.

I would recommend that you take time....enjoy taking time for relationships to develop. Something that is worth a lifetime is worth waiting for.....deep roots take time and grow strong.

Ok, take date a week. Don't be too available....this doesn't mean that you are trying to "play games" but it means that you are giving the relationship time to develop naturally.

When you are all about a relationship, it is natural to want to go all in. However, this creates an unbalanced life where you have tunnel vision for dating but are unbalanced in friendships, work, and other priorities.

I'd like to recommend that you limit yourself in relationships at first because it is easy to fall in love with the idea of love and to miss out on experiencing the person right in front of you. I have worked with clients who got married and realized that they married a stranger.

Take your time to let love develope in your dating life."

Emily offers more helpful dating advice on her blog at Expert Emily's blog

Also, you can join in the expert led chats by going to "The Meeting Room" at Cache' Connections.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

50+ and never married - what's up?

Here's an interesting email we received yesterday:

Hi Linda...

"I am on several Christian dating websites, including Cache, and have just as of Saturday turned 50....had a wonderful celebration with friends and family.

I just got rejected by a divorced guy on for being "never married" at the age of 50. What gives? He says that my profile looks fabulous, but is hard to believe that there must not being something really wrong with someone who has never been married by the time they are 50. He says that there is a ongoing discussion out there about the group I belong to (the "never marrieds") and how we are not able to be pleased. He figures he doesn't want to get involved in a relationship where there is a lot of "knit-picking".

What's interesting is that originally in my searches, I have been casting aside the divorced man, figuring that there must be something wrong with a man who has not been able to keep a marriage together.

I bring this to your attention, not to complain, but simply to discuss this interesting dicotomy of sorts.

I know you must have encountered this discussion before, since you are a Christian dating professional. The other interesting problem a "never married" encounters who is pretty fundamental in their beliefs is the desire to uphold God's standards in the very stricktest sense. So, if a man is divorced, there is a desire to know that it was a Biblical divorce and not just a situation where two people did not get along. For if that were the case, and the woman he was married to is still single, there is still an opportunity for that couple to re-unite. The thought of me committing adultary by having intercourse with my husband is troubling. So, I want to honor God. But how do I understand the circumstances of a man's divorce without being so nosey and pressing?

In the "olden days" before the internet, there would be ways of knowing without asking about them directly. Within a community, people were known to one another.

Interestingly, the George Barna Group did a study back in March of 2008. 22% of all adults never marry in their lifetime and 25% of all adults have at least one marital split during their lifetime.

So, Linda...this is a rather long e-mail, but wondering if you've encountered this and addressed it with the Cache group?


My initial thoughts are that it is too bad that anyone is being judged by a simple mark on a website page, i.e., "divorced" or "never married." We have known some quality people who are over 40 who have never married and the reasons are numerous. Likewise, we all know that there are plenty of divorced people out there, but without knowing the reason for the divorce (i.e. if there were biblical grounds), we hope that folks are not being too hasty in marking them as "not interested." Our recommendation would be that if a person seems to have qualities that you find attractive, you should begin to slowly explore a friendship with him or her. However, this does not include an "interrogation" on the first date. People are very sensitive to this. Those tougher questions can be addressed if there is a Date No. 2, 3 or 4.

Any thoughts?

~ Linda

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Jealousy: Dr. Steve's topic in Monday night's chat

Member: I am jealous at times of men with wives, girlfriends, children. It is a problem for me.

Dr. Steve: ... I would call that more typical envy, which is a bit different than jealousy. If you wanted to steal their wives, girlfriend, and children, we might need to talk about that more . . .

Member: Dr. isn't jealousy a form of insecurity?

Dr. Steve: That is actually a common misconception. Jealousy Can represent insecurity, but sometimes it's normal, even healthy.

Member: v-e-r-y i-n-t-e-r-s-t-i-n-g!

Dr. Steve: It can even be a little bit sexy, sometimes. Here's what I mean. The key to jealous feelings is to "own" them. In other words, admit that my jealous feelings are my own instead of accusing someone of something or asking suspicious questions.
By admitting that I'm jealous, I'm admitting that I have passionate feelings about the woman, that I want to be closer to her than other guys.

Member: oh that's sweet

Dr. Steve: It can reveal passion and, but being strong enough to admit jealousy, can come across as bold and, ironically, secure.

Member: How about: I don't want him but I don't want anyone else to have him either.

Dr. Steve: That would be something to pray about : ) Actually, I hear about a lot of women feeling that way, more than men.

Member: Wow, not wanting him but not wanting anyone else to have him, that's a hard situation.

Dr. Steve: I think that can be a self-esteem issue -- liking the feeling of someone liking you. We all need that, but it can be hard to let go of even if you don't reciprocate. Anyway, Jealousy becomes a problem when it gets possessive and accusatory. Most people like it a little if you admit feeling jealous; they don't like being told what to do or accused of things. Of course, if the person you're dating is getting too close to someone else for your comfort, it's okay to tell them that.

Thank you Dr. Stephen W. Simpson, one of our many relationship experts at Cache' Connections. Join in the scheduled chats for Christian singles! Check out the schedule here.


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Power of Persistence

Today we've found encouragement from Dr. Charles Stanley's daily devotiona. Here is an excerpt:

"Everyone desires success. Simply wanting it, however, won't guarantee achievement. That's why many people fail to reach their goal; they encounter hardship and give up. Let's discuss one characteristic needed to accomplish what you set out to do.

Persistence is the combination of strong desire and willpower—it is the capacity to stay on course in the face of difficulty and refuse to quit... The Father has great goals for our lives. Striving for anything less will neither fulfill us nor achieve what God has planned in our life. Once His direction is clear, we should passionately pursue God's purposes with the Holy Spirit's strength and guidance—especially when obstacles arise. Don't give up!"

Dr. Stanley references Philippians 3:10-14 and Acts 20:24, how the Apostle Paul persevered under tremendous pressure and trials. Are you persevering?

~ Linda

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Is this a faith match?

Here are some excerpts from last night's expert-led chat with Dr. Stephen W. Simpson:

How do you go about deciding if someone is a good match when it comes to faith? Before I met my wife, I dated both Christians and non-Christians. With women who weren't Christians, I was actually surprised at how pervasive the feeling that something was missing. Even if you're not someone who is very open about your faith, it still affects our worldview in big ways.

Do you guys want to know a few ways to discern whether or not someone is a good spiritual match?

First, you need Time. Anyone can fake a walk with Christ for a few weeks. In about 3-4 months, however, the person's true character will start to show. So don't get too serious for about 100 days.

Second, watch more for what you Don't want instead of what you Do when it comes to faith. If there are beliefs or practices that really bother you, ask about those early on (but not the first date). Personal story: My best friend is Catholic. I went out on a blind date with a girl who was a Christian. During our first date, she told me she thought Catholics were going to hell and that the pope might be the antichrist. There wasn't a second date.

Third, make sure that attending the same church is possible. It's okay to come from different religious backgrounds, but you should be able to be in the same congregation at some point if things continue.

Two more points to go. The next one should be obvious. You should be in basic agreement when it comes to issues of sexual purity. There can be some mild disagreement, but major disagreement will probably lead to frustration for at least one person.

Last point: Do not, for any reason, engage in "missionary dating." Don't date someone with the intention/goal/hope of winning them to Christ. (can lead to:)
1) Frustration when they don't become a Christian
2) Being committed to someone who doesn't become a Christian when you don't have the heart to end the relationship
3) Not knowing what to talk about once they do become a Christian!

Want to join in and enjoy Dr. Steve or Expert Emily in a live chat? Check the Scheduled Events at Cache' Connections. Need not be a member to participate. Just behave yourself :)


Saturday, November 7, 2009

What Are The Odds?

Linda and I sometimes take a block of time out of our day and call singles who have been at our events who indicated they wanted to be informed of future events. This week we have been calling Detroit singles and letting them know about the Quick Introductions event that is coming up this Monday. We have found the responses can be quite different. Here's a few examples:

"I didn't like your last event... there weren't enough men. My friends and I decided we're not interested in Cache' Connections."

....and on the flip side:

"Wow, this event sounds so fun. I so appreciate what you guys are doing for singles. Thank you so much for calling and letting me know about this. I'll take a look and try to make it."

Hmmm..... I wonder which personality will attract more people?

Have you heard this saying? "People will not always remember what you do or what you say, but they'll always remember how you made them feel."

Our day is always enriched when we bless someone with our words.


Thursday, November 5, 2009

Smooth Sailing at Quick Introductions

Well, our first experience at "turning over the reigns" came and went without mishap (for the most part). We had Cache' Quick Introductions in Cincinnati and Schaumburg on Tuesday and enlisted the help of a host and hostesses to run the two shows. There were about 30 people at each event and we hear some lively conversations and good connections were made. Here's what one young man had to say:

"I enjoyed the quick introductions event. I've never been so impressed with the character and openness of so many women before. Everyone was upbeat, happy and easy to talk to."

These face-to-face encounters are so much fun and a great way to SEE the person. We even heard of a few who had connected on the website and used this event to meet for the first time. We'll have to wait to see what comes about as a result.....

If you're interested in other events such as these, check out Events

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Where Are The Women?

It's one of those rare times that we have a Quick Introductions event and have more men than women signed up. Pretty awesome! So we have put out a desperate email inviting women to sign up. Here's their chance to take advantage of this opportunity and to have many men at their disposal.

We prefer everyone to pre-register, but we will take walk-ins at the door. More information can be found at Events.

This is the first time Linda and I have turned over the reigns for an event. We have single hosts and hostesses who will be greeting and running the event so we're praying for a smooth running evening.

Have a great day!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Expert Emily lends more advice on speed dating ...

Here is some cutting and pasting from last night's chat on speed dating, led by Emily Shupert:

Rule 1: Come up with your "elevator pitch" which is 45 to 1 min long. Write it before, memorize it, and feel comfortable with it. This is a brief summary of who you are, where you work, and some positive aspects you have (i.e. good leader, great listener, etc.)

Rule #2 Ask the person interesting questions (appropriate and upbeat)....not too deep, but something that makes you look like you care to know more about them and are an interesting person....

Rule #3.... Use this as an opportunity to meet others and get more comfy with getting out there and putting your best foot forward...have fun!

Remember how important body language is. Look the person in the eye...I know this sounds so simple but it is imperative! You must look the other person in the eye or it communicates a lack of confidence or insecurity.

Another important body language tip is keep your arms open, moving, etc....don't cross them! Keep them to the side, use them in your speaking, or whatever, but don't cross them because that communicates that you are closed off.

It is important to let the person know that you are interested in knowing them more....they cannot mind-read.

Remember ladies and gentleman. If you are interested, let him/her know. If you are not, say, "nice to meet you" and go to the next person. You don't have to be rude but you also want to make sure that you are as efficient as possible. If they give you a card, gently thank them and then say, I'm looking at other options or simply try to communicate that you are not interested.

Yes, I suggest prayer be involved in the entire process. God is with you everywhere and He is going to walk with you into this situation as well!

Yes, smile....people are watching you, not only the person you are talking with but others in the room...let them know that you are approachable and easy to talk with.