Thursday, November 12, 2009
Jealousy: Dr. Steve's topic in Monday night's chat
Member: I am jealous at times of men with wives, girlfriends, children. It is a problem for me.
Dr. Steve: ... I would call that more typical envy, which is a bit different than jealousy. If you wanted to steal their wives, girlfriend, and children, we might need to talk about that more . . .
Member: Dr. isn't jealousy a form of insecurity?
Dr. Steve: That is actually a common misconception. Jealousy Can represent insecurity, but sometimes it's normal, even healthy.
Member: v-e-r-y i-n-t-e-r-s-t-i-n-g!
Dr. Steve: It can even be a little bit sexy, sometimes. Here's what I mean. The key to jealous feelings is to "own" them. In other words, admit that my jealous feelings are my own instead of accusing someone of something or asking suspicious questions.
By admitting that I'm jealous, I'm admitting that I have passionate feelings about the woman, that I want to be closer to her than other guys.
Member: oh that's sweet
Dr. Steve: It can reveal passion and, but being strong enough to admit jealousy, can come across as bold and, ironically, secure.
Member: How about: I don't want him but I don't want anyone else to have him either.
Dr. Steve: That would be something to pray about : ) Actually, I hear about a lot of women feeling that way, more than men.
Member: Wow, not wanting him but not wanting anyone else to have him, that's a hard situation.
Dr. Steve: I think that can be a self-esteem issue -- liking the feeling of someone liking you. We all need that, but it can be hard to let go of even if you don't reciprocate. Anyway, Jealousy becomes a problem when it gets possessive and accusatory. Most people like it a little if you admit feeling jealous; they don't like being told what to do or accused of things. Of course, if the person you're dating is getting too close to someone else for your comfort, it's okay to tell them that.
Thank you Dr. Stephen W. Simpson, one of our many relationship experts at Cache' Connections. Join in the scheduled chats for Christian singles! Check out the schedule here.