Thursday, March 31, 2011
Today we are headed to not-so-sunny Florida for the Cache' Connections Expo in Jacksonville, but while waiting for our first flight I've got just enough time to make a mini-post.
I'd like to direct your attention to this insightful article written by Cliff Young and Laura McCorkle of Crosswalk.com. I'm sure many of you can identify with being attracted to a member of the opposite sex who is married or engaged. So CLICK HERE to gain some wisdom on a topic that I'm sure many of you have dealt with, or will in the future.
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all ...
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
That's right, we have gone a bit "mad" at Cache' Connections with the March Madness special, where you can join in the online dating with other like-minded believers for just $3.75 per month! Sign up for a One-Year subscription for the sale price of $44.99 with promo code: MADNESS11 and take advantage of this crazy deal!
Here are a few comments we've received lately from new members:
From a female: "I really feel like I'm meeting quality people. The site and my connections are really genuine about their faith. I love that you are praying for us, and that I'm a real person to you." Cache' Connections definitely has the personal touch that was lacking in my other online dating experiences."
From a male: very impressive. so many questions but good ones. the detail involved. well worth it.
(You have to chuckle at the difference in the word count :)
From time to time, however, we hear comments like this:
"Cache' Connections is just in it for the money." We confess this one gets our dander up a bit, but we try to remember the importance of not being offended. (Proverbs 19:11 A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.) If we were really in this business/ministry for the money, we would have checked out long ago! We have yet to be repaid for our initial investment for the start-up costs, so we have virtually had no paycheck for almost four years, having both given up well-paying careers. I wonder how many of those naysayers work for free? And how many businesses are in business NOT to make money? We know that God honors work and business, so please - give us a break.
I wonder if this comment is heard most often because Cache' Connections is not a free dating website. While we could have gone the free route and had advertisers support the cost of business, we felt that the barrage of advertisements would be distasteful to a community of class, respect and intentional dating that we are trying to build. Let's face it, you get what you pay for, and anything that you invest in financially, you are going to take more seriously. That's why Cache' Connections members are serious about seeking connections with other believers, and that's why Kim and Linda are serious about doing everything in a God-pleasing manner. And by and large, our members see this effort being played out in our day-to-day operations and communications. That's not to say that we are perfect - we slip up from time to time, but daily ask God for the grace and wisdom to lead this company with wisdom and grace that only He can provide. Ask anyone who deals with Christian singles, and you will hear that it is a very diverse group with a unique set of challenges, and that is why singles ministries tend to have a short lifespan.
Speaking of free dating sites, one of my Facebook friends asked for prayer regarding a man she had recently met on a free dating site. She really liked him but had some initial concerns. I told her that I would pray for discernment and cautioned her that men from free dating websites usually come with red flags. Of course, that is a blanket statement and there are exceptions to that rule. First of all, I don't think she asked the administrator of the free site for prayer. Secondly, she did come back to me a few weeks later and confessed that her suspicions were right about the guy. Free sites tend to attract people who are not serious about making connections that might lead to a God-pleasing marriage. In short, you get what you pay for.
The standard pricing at Cache' Connections is in line with other well-known sites that many of you have joined. Because we are still a fairly new community, we offer greatly reduced specials such as the "March Madness" nearly every month to grow the membership base, as well as free trials, so that we can keep those connections coming to you. This is our full time work - and then some - so yes, this is a "for-profit" company. One day those profits will be used to fulfill the vision of Cache' Connections:
provide a distinctively-Christian environment for singles to connect with each other to form friendships and romantic relationships leading to marriage
daily pray for members, their relationships, decisions and connections; to pray daily for the operations of Cache’ Connections
uphold Christian singles by providing hope, encouragement, instruction, emotional support and resources
provide a website that is easy to maneuver and to offer customer service of the highest standards
employ a marketing campaign that encourages society to follow God’s standards in order to produce healthy, successful relationships
partner with a Christian relief and evangelistic organization to provide hope to the needy and promote the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ
honor God in all that we do and bring glory to His name
"Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them." John 13:17
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
That's really kind of a wrong question. We've talked with a few people in the last few weeks who seem to think there is only one Cache' Connections Expo coming up. In fact, there are FIVE Expo's coming up in the next few months, and more to come.
So what's so extra special about the Cache' Connections Expo? Well, as you may know, we've been sponsoring events in larger churches over the past few years with a lot of success. However, it is increasingly challenging to book such events as churches oftentimes have a full calendar that is booked a year in advance and a LOT of red tape. There will still be some Cache' Connections events held in churches, Lord willing, but we've decided not to let these closed doors slow us down. In fact, we're speeding up! By hosting the event at a public facility and inviting local vendors to promote their businesses, we are free to go just about anywhere in the country.
Our first Cache' Connections Expo was held at Calvary Church in Naperville in November 2010 and was considered a huge success with approximately 250 singles and 30 vendors taking part. The twist for vendors is that they have to provide a game or activity and prize(s) for the singles to engage in at their booth - which is a win-win for everyone. The feedback from the singles was tremendous - they really enjoyed the casual atmosphere and variety of ways in which to meet and connect with new friends. (One man finally confessed it was nice not to have to sit and wait through worship and a speaker to get to his main agenda, which was meeting people.)
Different regions seem to be able to support different twists in the Cache' Connections Christian Dating Redefined Expo, so some will have a speaker, some will feature a showing of the Christian Dating Redefined DVD, and some will just show the trailer of the DVD. In all cases, we will be promoting healthy, authentic dating with a biblical approach, which is part of the mission of Cache' Connections. If you feel your area has some strong singles ministries that would be willing to support such an event, give us a shout!
So where's the Expo?
1. 4/2/11 Jacksonville, FL - New Life Christian Fellowship
2. 4/9/11 Naperville, IL - NIU - Naperville Campus
3. 5/20/11 Peoria, IL - Northminister Presbyterian Church
4. 5/21/11 Springfield, IL - U of I Springfield, Brookens Auditorium
5. 6/18/11 Cincinnati, OH - Sharonville Convention Center
CLICK HERE for all upcoming Cache' Connections event details.
See you at the Expo!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Whether we admit it or not, like it or not, we are a bunch of spoiled consumers. If we can all just agree on that point, we can move on to how to make better choices, from laundry detergent to life mate.
Today's blog is based off of another article recently posted in Focus on the Family's Webzine titled, "What If She's Not the Right One?" Upon reading this title, about four or five individuals popped into my mind who are suffering from this fear of making the right choice. Unfortunately, some singles tend to get stuck in the "shopping mode" when it comes to finding a mate. This is no surprise because the choices are so vast that they become overwhelmed and are never able to get to the check-out lane.
Editor David Lapp shares this study to exemplify this truth:
One study was set in a gourmet food store in an upscale community where, on weekends, the owners commonly set up sample tables of new items. When researchers set up a display featuring a line of exotic, high-quality jams, customers who came by could taste samples, and they were given a coupon for a dollar off if they bought a jar. In one condition of the study, six varieties of the jam were available for tasting. In another, 24 varieties were available. In either case, the entire set of 24 varieties was available for purchase. The large array of jams attracted more people to the table than the small array, though in both cases people tasted about the same number of jams on average. When it came to buying, however, a huge difference became evident. Thirty percent of the people exposed to the small array of jams actually bought a jar; only 3 percent of those exposed to the large array of jams did so.
Thinking way back myself, I remember having these thoughts and doubts: "What about all the other men in the world?" too before saying "I do." After 26 years of marriage, I've since learned that, once again, it's not about me. (Thank you Rick Warren for making that truth a part of my daily reminders.) Essentially, marriage is not about finding your own happiness, but it's about giving yourself away. Over time, "love" has a sneaky way of moving from a feeling to a choice. In short, it is more blessed to give than to receive. (Acts 20:35.) And choosing a mate is really about choosing the person that is worth pouring your life into. But David Lapp has much more to say about it, so CLICK HERE to read the full article.
Luke 6:38: Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
Have a great week!
Friday, March 25, 2011
One of the tensions of being a single adult woman is that you've had to find your own way, support yourself, and figure out a lot of things for yourself. If you don't have much experience in dating relationships, it can be quite a challenge to figure out the new role of being submissive - or should you be? - to your guy.
I was just reminded of this tension myself yesterday when I couldn't figure out how to get the battery out of my mouse, and my husband was nowhere to be found to rescue his princess! As I've mentioned before, my husband, as most good husbands, thrive on being a hero to their women, and I believe it's a wise woman who lets him fill this role most of the time. Men are wired to be our providers, leaders and servers in the way of doing tasks that are typically handled by the "stronger vessel." But where does that leave the single lady, and the wife whose husband is nowhere to be found when the pickle jar needs to be opened? So, I guess the tension lives on.
Today I read an article in Boundless Magazine by Candice Watters that addresses this issue for a woman who is trying to figure out how to be submissive to her new guy. I'm sure many of you can relate and learn from this article titled "I Don't Want to Be a Bother." CLICK HERE for some great, godly advice.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Yeah, right... what's so great about Thursday? Well, it kind of started with something Linda pasted on my Facebook wall this morning, "ENTHUSIASTIC THURSDAY! "So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you can do for the Lord is ever useless." 1 Corinthians 15:58 Yep, I have to admit that I have been a little less than enthusiastic lately. It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day routine and struggles that a lot of times we lose our joy for life and forget to rejoice over the simple pleasures. Really, our own choice of how we view things is the only thing that's holding us back from feeling happy. Something recently brought to mind too that we just don't laugh enough either. Linda and I got quite a kick out of a YouTube video of a baby laughing hysterically over his Dad tearing up a piece of paper. The act of shredding paper wasn't all that funny, but the baby was just enjoying laughing. He was laughing for the sheer pleasure of feeling happy.
Well, we can all bogged down by life's struggles, but this can be especially detrimental to singles. We have noticed a lot of singles can get stuck in a pattern of a "debby downer" attitude, and then I'm sure you can guess what happens.... This attitude turns off any potential connections and then the longer it goes on, the more upset the person gets, because they don't perceive how they're coming across to other people. Therefore, this leads to what we call the "prickly" spirit. They become angry and bitter and want to blame everyone else that they're not finding success in finding a date. Well, what more can I say? I'm sure we've all seen it and maybe got caught in this pattern ourselves. Hey, we're all growth in progress.
Therefore, we're proclaiming this day is "Enthusiastic Thursday." Let's all let go of the negative thoughts and attitudes and laugh more and be happy and rejoice in all things. Maybe we'll even be doing a dance or two at Cache' today :)
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Many friends and even pastors have referred to Kim and me as the "Dynamic Duo." I guess that's a good thing. For over three years now we have been "dueling it out," having created and built Cache' Connections out of nothing but what we felt was a calling from God. And it's a good thing he laid this passion on our hearts, or we might now be called the "Defunct Duo." But each day, God gives us enough drive, wherewithal and fortitude to keep on keeping on. And some days, we see the light ...
... as in the days when we receive a call or email that someone has made a love connection and they state they owe it all to Cache' Connections
... when those who are still actively waiting report that they find hope and encouragement through Cache' Connections
... when we receive a call from the media wanting to write an article on Cache' Connections
... and yesterday we even saw a glimpse of one of our biggest dreams. We received a call from NBC - USA Network, who is gathering information on a new reality TV show they are considering. Details are on the down-low, so we won't mention the premise of the proposed project. The representative who called had just seen the clip of Cache' Connections being featured on Metro Cafe TV featuring one of our relationship expert partners, Emily Shupert. We've talked about a reality TV show over the years, but of course that's a huge endeavor that we couldn't manage with our current resources.
But as I wrote yesterday, with God all things are possible! So we're going to keep plodding along at the pace God sets before us. We know that as long as we stay focused on Him and give Him glory and thanks for all the wonderful things He is working out through Cache' Connections, there is no limit to what He will do. Join us for the continuing adventure!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I have another confession. I've been struggling this morning trying to figure out how to kill two birds with one stone. You see, I'm involved with a group of ladies who are praying for their unsaved spouses, and it's my turn for the encouraging word. I've been scanning one of my most-recent-favorite books, trying to blend the two distinct concepts of a) encouraging singles desiring marriage and b) encouraging married women who are praying for their husbands to come to the Lord. To be honest, I probably could have whipped out the two blogs separately in much less time that I've spent trying to combine the two thoughts. But here goes:
If you haven't read "Sun Stand Still" by Steven Furtick yet, I recommend you order your copy soon. It's all about praying and believing in things that are impossible in your own strength, but stepping out in faith and allowing God to do the impossible through your faith and action.
I could spend all day typing quotes from this book. I absolutely love it! But for today, here's just a smidgen: "Are there subtle tweaks you can make in your everyday interactions and activities that will give God some room to move in a miraculous way? Make room and get ready."
This can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. James 2:17 tells us that faith without action is dead. We're always encouraging singles to step out of their comfort zone to avail themselves to new opportunities. I guess the encouragement for both groups today is that your "action" doesn't have to be so audacious that it causes you to lose sleep, sell all of your possessions and join the Peace Corps. Maybe your action steps should be more subtle, such as:
1. What is your body language saying when your man or "a" man/woman walks into the room? Do you close down, ignore him or her, or put a little perk on?
2. Where do you go? What meals do you serve/eat? What type of clothes do you wear? What do you say? On a scale of 1 to 10, what is your overall attitude toward life? Are there subtle changes you can make in your everyday patterns to cause others to wonder what might be special about you?
Well, there's some food for thought. Again, order your copy of the book today. The premise is based on the 10th chapter of Joshua, where he had the audacity to ask God to make the sun stop in the sky - to freeze up time on behalf of his people - so that his army could defeat the Amorites before darkness fell.
Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Monday, March 21, 2011
Emily Shupert recently represented Cache' Connections on this Atlanta based TV show in a series titled "Unique Dating Methods."
You can chat with "Expert Emily" about your dating dilemmas on the first Sunday of each month. Emily, along with Cache' Connections, is passionate about helping singles approach dating with a healthy, biblical approach. Click here for information on how to access the chats.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
I'm sure that's never happened to any of our single friends at Cache' Connections! But in case you have friends who struggle with the dating doldrums, we came across this article on tesh.com (as in John Tesh) that once again, beats our drum for us :)
Here are the 4 ruts that are addressed:
Dating Rut #1: You think dating's a waste of time because you never feel sparks.
Dating Rut #2: The people you date never live up with your expectations.
Dating Rut #3: You never meet anyone with long-term potential.
Dating Rut #4: You're convinced all the "good ones" are taken already.
CLICK HERE for a quick read of some things that could be holding your friends back from finding true love that lasts! (Be sure to scroll down to the dating article.)
Friday, March 18, 2011
It is with great pleasure that we announce the engagement of Cache' Connections members Kelly and Glen from the Chicagoland area! Yes, after dating over one year, he popped the question last weekend and the ring is on her finger! They plan to be married this fall.
Kelly and Glen are special to Cache' Connections for several reasons. We met Kelly at our very first Cache' Connections Live! event November 2008, where she volunteered as a greeter. Soon thereafter we partnered with Kelly to host local events in the Chicago suburbs, and she and Glen continue to help us out when they can.
Fast forward just a bit to Valentine's weekend 2009. Although Kelly and Glen first connected on the website, they first communicated at a bowling event that Kelly was hosting. They had a nice chat, so although Kelly thought it was long shot, she gave Glen a connection card at the event. You can imagine the rest, but for the full story, CLICK HERE.
Congratulations to the happy couple!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Today's blog comes from Susan Ellinburg of Crosswalk.com. Since being healthy physically is part of being a healthy dater, sometimes some basic reminders are in order. We all know what we should be doing, but think of this as a friend who is coaching you or encouraging you to take these tips to task:
The Single Life: Baby Steps to Better Health
Ah, spring: the time of year when daffodils bloom, robins nest, and commercials start blathering about how “swimsuit season is almost here.”
Just shoot me now.
Swimsuit or not, there is something about this time of year that seems to make healthier choices somewhat more appealing. Maybe it comes from shedding the sweaters for T-shirts or the uncomfortable realization that we just polished off an entire box of Thin Mints and called it dinner. (Or is that just me?)
So, the following are a few gentle suggestions for a healthier lifestyle. Before we begin, here’s my official disclaimer: I am not a health professional of any sort. The following suggestions are mostly common sense, but each person’s needs and physical condition are different, so implement these ideas at your own risk. Got that? Great. Here we go . . .
Step 1: Get a drink (of water).
Every system in your body depends on water. It flushes toxins out of vital organs, carries nutrients to your cells and provides a moist environment for ear, nose and throat tissues.1 Trust me, if you are ever seriously dehydrated you will be highly motivated to avoid that feeling ever again. Still, the prospect of slurping down the generally-suggested eight eight-ounce glasses of water a day can be daunting.
(By the way, do you know how much eight ounces really is? At Starbucks®, it would be a “Small.” Not a Grande, not even a Tall, but that secret “Small” size that’s not actually on the menu. Eight of those equals two Ventis and a Grande. But I digress ...)
Back to drinking water, here’s what I do: I bought a fancy goblet that holds about 16 ounces, because I think water tastes better from a nice glass. I try to polish off one glass by ten a.m., one by noon, one by two, and one by the time I go home. I’m not always successful, but I began this process about a year ago and my intake is much higher than it used to be.
Yes, that much consumption does lead to more trips to the restroom, but that’s actually a good thing. It leads right into our second suggestion ...
Step 2: Get moving.
We have become a sedentary people. We sit hunched over keyboards for hours on end, while our muscles stiffen and our rear ends spread. What’s the solution? Get up. Whether you’re training for a triathlon or walking the dog, try to add a little more movement into your day. Stretch. Walk around. If all you can manage is a few steps, take them. Wiggle. (This last one is guaranteed if you’ve been drinking all that water and put off restroom visits until the last minute.) Try standing when you’re on the phone. Put a reminder in your calendar if necessary. While you’re stretching, walking, and wiggling, ponder this: the ability to move at all is a gift. Let’s not waste it.
Step 3: Get fruits and veggies into your diet.
The Center for Disease Control would like to remind you that those who eat more generous amounts of fruits and vegetables as part of a healthful diet are likely to have reduced risk of chronic diseases, including stroke, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and certain cancers.
That doesn’t make a handful of spinach more appealing than a box of Girl Scout Cookies, though, does it? Believe me, I know. Still, presentation can work wonders. For example, I like apples but don’t like clomping onto a whole fruit, so I bought a nifty corer-slicer gadget. Now when I want a snack, I can create appealing, easy-to-eat slices in a few seconds. It’s saved me from the siren call of the snack machine more than once.
One fun way to find fresh produce is to visit a farmer’s market. There’s something about seeing all that beautiful fruit and veg that inspires healthier eating. Take a friend along and you can split some of the bounty. My experience is it’s almost impossible to visit a farmer’s market and only take home only enough for one.
Step 4: Get enough sleep.
I don’t know about you, but I’m tired. Experts tell us adults generally need seven to nine hours of sleep a night. (That would be actual sleep, not snuggling in bed with your smart phone playing Words With Friends.)
Studies show people who do not get enough sleep are more likely to have chronic diseases such as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, depression, or obesity. Driving drowsy can be as deadly as driving while intoxicated. That’s the bad news ... now here’s the good stuff: Do you know what happens when you do sleep? Your body regenerates skin, and muscle, joints, and brain cells. Go to sleep to get smarter—I love that!
If you have trouble falling asleep, I recently heard it suggested that you start dimming all lights and sound in the hour before climbing into bed. Apparently it’s a little jarring for some bodies to jump from ON to OFF—this provides a sort of dimmer switch to make the transition easier.
Step 5: Get a physical
Granted, it’s not the most fun thing in the world, but an annual physical can be a life-saver—literally. I know people who don’t want to go to the doctor because “they might find something.” Yes ... and if they find it soon enough that “something” may be easily fixable. Let it slide and the problem may be much more difficult to solve.
Besides, what if you find out you’re healthy as a horse? Peace of mind is nothing to sneeze at. If you’re an impatient soul who doesn’t want to waste time in a waiting room, think of it this way: once you’ve seen a doctor, you move from the “new patient” category to the “existing patient” file. This means when you eventually come down with a raging case of whatever (it’s bound to happen eventually) you’ll get in to see the doctor much faster. Comes the day you feel like death on a stick, you’ll really appreciate that extra speed.
So there you have it: baby steps to better health. You may already be doing all of them but if not, consider trying one or five. They may keep you around longer. I’d like that. Your friends and family would, too.
1Water: How much should you drink every day. Mayo Clinic Staff. Accessed 2.27.11. www.mayoclinic.com/health/water/NU00283
Susan Ellingburg is a natural-born Texan who sings at every opportunity, reads as much as possible, and cherishes every day she gets to spend with friends. She's a serious foodie and not-so-serious gardener who is determined not to let being single stand in the way of living an amazing life. Read Susan's blog at TastingGod.wordpress.com.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Yesterday's blog teased up an event that is just a few weeks away. Cache' Connections is headed to new territory - Jacksonville, Florida - to beautiful New Life Christian Fellowship. The Cache' Connections Expo will take place on Saturday night, April 2 at Providence School.
"Jacksonvillians" will be hearing about this event soon if they have not already. A heavy radio campaign on The Promise 88.1 begins in less than a week. Singles should tune in because there will be a lot of ticket giveaways! Watch the Florida Times Union for a write-up as well. In addition, several churches are promoting this event to their singles ministries. We look to see hundreds come out for a fun night. What is a Cache' Connections Expo, you ask? Well ... think carnival/home show/singles and you have the idea. There are over 40 local businesses and ministries that will be promoting their "stuff," as well as providing YOU with games, activities, prizes and giveaways. Here are some examples of the fun that's in store:
- brief dance lessons
- hair styling
- free food samples
- self-defense lessons
- professional photo booth
- people Bingo
- fitness demonstrations
... and MUCH MORE! CLICK HERE for a list of all vendors. We'll hand you a goody bag upon arrival to contain all your treasures!
Most of the evening is spent at your leisure so that you will be free to visit the booths and make new friends as you participate in the games and activities. However, around 8:00 pm we'll grab your attention to show you a bit of Cache' Connections new DVD titled Christian Dating ... Redefined and share with you a little about the Cache' Connections ministry.
So grab your friends and make plans for this rare opportunity to come together with singles from several different churches in the area - and beyond! Tickets range from $10 to $20 at the door. We will see you there!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
The Cache' Connections Expo is just 2 1/2 weeks from launching in a new market - Jacksonville, FL. We initially met with Pastor David Wheeler at the SAM Conference for single leaders a few years ago in Daytona Beach. At that time, he supported what Cache' Connections was about, but didn't think his church would agree with holding an event. Fast forward one year and we invited Pastor David to speak at our own Cache' Connections Disney Conference in Orlando. Again, when approached him with the idea of hosting a CC event at mega church New Life Christian Fellowship, he didn't think the leadership would approve. And then in the fall of last year (2010), we became acquainted with another single staff member from the church, Carey, who decided that New Life needed to have a CC event, and he got the ball rolling. And whalah - here we are, about to launch in a new area at this amazing church! Wow, you never know how God will work and through whom, but we definitely have discovered not to give up completely when there's at least a crack in the door.
And, since this is a new market, we really have to work on getting the word out to a community who has never heard of Cache' Connections. So we have been reaching out to churches in the area and beyond, newspapers, Facebook, event calendars and Christian radio. So now we sit, pray and wait to see if they'll come...
More details to come tomorrow, but here's the link for more information - Cache' Connections Expo - Jacksonville.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
This weekend's poll went like this:
We received a call from an attractive, educated upper 30's guy who wanted our opinion on what women are thinking.... he said, "what exactly are women looking for in a guy? What do they want to hear from me?" Sometimes we forget that both genders really don't understand each other. So we're conducting a poll to help him out. Your thoughts?
Not surprising, the women were anxious to share their wish lists:
Andrea: I want to hear from a guy that he is strong. That he can and does make good common sense decisions.
April: I would love to hear things like, come join me in this adventure! I want to do this with you. I want him to be real.
Tom: Agreed; but just remember, no matter how "Christian" that man is, he can go through seasons of self doubt, lack direction, etc. No man has it "all together" all the time.
April: Tom, true, nor do we ladies have it all together. I want to find someone who is a real as they can be. I'm reading John Ortberg's book "The Me I want to Be". It all about being who God created you to be and to live life to the fullest!
Stacey: You know what speaks to me... I first love to see how dedicated he is to Jesus. I love to watch men cry in church. Not a bad cry, but a humbling in spirit, and crying because they are overcome by the Holy Spirit and how good God is. Then, I think what speaks to me is the DESIRE to want to understand a woman. Not to fix her, but to do his best in trying to understand. It's a process of putting aside his masculinity and focusing on her needs. I think when women see that a man is preferring her over what he ought to do, she begins to prefer him over what she ought to do.
Heather: Well for myself but i know most women share these same feelings as well . We tend to look for a man who is humbled knows the Lord and has a relationship w him . We look for man who is strong , well educated that has a good stable career who that is finanically stable and responsible and has a vision for his life. One that will guide us and lead us treat us w love and respect.
Amber: I want a man to be confident enough to speak to me first, let me know he is interested in knowing about me and wants to tell me about who he is. I want honesty and not a sales pitch. And never would I want someone to change for me, I want to see him how he truly is. ;)
Stacey: I know it was discussed before about men vs women doing the first asking. But, Heather touched on something that I think the reason why many women want a man to ask. It is the first stepping stone to show to a woman that he will take lead in his family. If he has the confidence to go boldly to a woman, he has confidence to lead boldly and come to the Lord humbly. It takes a lot of strength to know you are nothing without Jesus. We need to see spiritual strength as well as personal strength in character.
Enza: To be a faithful man of God is a given...then he must know how to capture the heart of a woman...by being able to share his deepest thoughts and feelings, to speak from the heart and to lead with humility
Anne: Every single thing these ladies said is so true and said so well. I completely agree. I need to see first and foremost that he is in love with my Jesus. I want his primary goal to seek God's will in his life. I also want him to pursue me so I know that he will lead my and our family. I want to know that he knows about love and respect from the biblical perspective. I also want him to serve. I want him to be involved in some type of ministry. I am in my 30s and looking? What is he looking for in a woman??? :)
Lisa: Here is what I look for in a man... (35 up man who lives in AK.) Lol
1a. Saved man and equally yoked in the spirit
1. Women want a man who exhibits confidence (or power)
2. Women want a man with a sense of humor (fun)
3. Women want a man with money or the things money can buy (sense of security)
4. Women want a man with looks (protection and attraction) Me personally...I like fit man who takes care of himself.
5. Women LOVE a man with a plan and ambition.
6. Women want a man who will offer a sense of security, to know that her partner will be there if she becomes sick or when she grows old.
7. Women want a generous man, not a tight-wad.
8. Women want a man to treat them like they are the sexiest woman on the planet
9. Women want a man who makes her feel like she's the only one, a man who will go the extra mile for her.
10. Italian descent would be a double plus. ( :
Andrea: I want to be the queen to his king. We all say we can do it on our own but the truth is we all want someone to be strong and protective. Someone who will use the Lord as his sword to defend his family from worldly evils.
Maria: I am looking for a man who really lives out the fruit of the Spirit. Not perfection but definite evidence of trying to live like Christ. Also, someone who gets to know me enough to be able to tell me the good things he likes about me. I agree with the others who mentioned that every woman wants to feel special. I want to know that he's attracted to me but also that he appreciates the great aspects of who I am. I echo intelligence, humor, and a sense of purpose that others have mentioned.
Lisa: We are called to show Gods love toward human kind. Love is a choice and free will act. If God makes people come together in marriage, then he is infringing upon free will. Otherwise he would intervene in divorce. As we reach out and love "ALL" people we open up our hearts to find like minded people. Instead of having "marriage" as the brass ring. Try having "loving" as your goal with no expectations. Then you won't be so focused upon "What does she want or how can I mold myself into their image." The more we become love the more we become a sought after person. I am a firm believer that what we are, we attract. Of course we can not become anything with out HIM in us and working through us. I urge my single friends to refocus on that goal and lets all see how our lives are transformed and fulfilled. What we want in a mate, we need to be in a mate! The word said that in the later days, the love of most will grow cold. Lack of loving partners is a part of this. So we must get out and "Find" date, seek and be social if we want to meet potential partners. Just like looking for a job. If your not meeting potential partners, your not getting out and being social.
So guys, your response?
Friday, March 11, 2011
Yesterday I spent a bit of time calling people who attended our recent 4-on-4 Connection Party in Orland Park. We like to ask for feedback from time to time so that we can continue to improve our methods and strategies. Most everyone is happy to render their opinion, and by and large the feedback is positive from the Christian singles who truly appreciate our efforts to connect them.
I spoke with one female, however, who didn't have one positive comment. She informed me there were 8 men there, when in fact I corrected her with a count of 16, which is just under 50%. (I was there, I should know, I wanted to say!) She even admitted that she came with a friend with no expectations of meeting anyone. She complained that she never meets men at events (how is that possible??) and then told me several tales of her past online dating experiences on free sites and one popular secular one. Her major complaint was that men wanted to meet before exchanging emails. While I can admit that would make most female online daters uncomfortable, I can think of worse things that could happen. As I continued to "drink from her fire hose," (which somehow included the fact that because she has daughters, she can't participate in online dating), it became obvious that the common factor in all of her tales was the main character, herself.
We are all subject to negative thinking, myself included. The enemy of our soul delights in our "poopy pants" attitude. I was reading a devotional on negative thinking just yesterday - hmmmm...
Joyce Meyer wrote, "We undermine Satan's attempt to establish a stronghold in our minds when we admit, "God, I'm a pessimistic person." That's the beginning. Then we cry out to the Holy Spirit to search our hearts. Jesus said of Him, "... He will convict and convince the world and bring demonstration to it about sin and about righteousness (uprightness of heart and right standing with God) and about judgment." (John 16:8) Too often, we read the word world and smile. Yes, that's for those sinners, those people who don't know Jesus. That's true, but it's only partially true, because we also live in the world.
We - God's people - need that conviction, as well. We need the Holy Spirit to probe deeply inside us and help us grasp why we're afflicted (my emphasis added) with negative thinking."
I believe Satan wants singles to be afflicted with negative thinking. He wants them to remain single and outside of community and relationships, which is God's design. We need to realize that the enemy of our souls is also the enemy of marriage. We encourage singles to prayerfully examine their hearts and attitudes, and ask God to bring light to their minds and new life to their hardened hearts. For many, it won't be easy. It may take some hard work and even professional help to uncover our soul wounds - we all have them. But as one who has been through such a process myself, I can attest that it's worth the hard work, expense and tears.
Genesis 50:20 But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Today's blog again features an excerpt from the Soulmate Summit that took place recently. Although he doesn't appear to be a Christian, his points are well-taken, if not necessarily well-written.
According to dating expert Evan Marc Katz, one of the most important ways you can increase your chances of finding the proverbial needle in a haystack online has to do with the specific way you craft your profile--the key being to "show not tell". Also, according to Katz, there are five words you should absolutely NEVER use when describing yourself to potential suitors.
Here's an excerpt from his Soulmate Seminar "Finding "The One" Online: How to Attract Quality Men and Understand Male Dating Behavior":
"Show me who you are, don't tell me who you are. Anybody can say I'm friendly and anybody could tell me what friendly means. I meet people wherever I go. I'm one of the nicest people ever but that's just telling me what friendly means. You need to give me an example. Lunch ladies like me. I make friends with a bartender during a layover in Dallas. That's the same as I'm friendly, right?
What are the words that say the most about you? If you had five words to describe yourself in an elevator, if your best friend were to describe you in five words what are those five words? And now that you've got those five words realize you're not going to use any of them in your profile, you're going to show them.
And so you come up with the examples. Don't say you're adventurous, tell me you bungee jumped off a 200 foot bridge in New Zealand. Each story is one line long because a profile should only be about 200 words long. You don't want to make it a long confessional and I think that's one of the things that I see most with intelligent earnest women who are looking for love and I see it plenty with the law of attraction women.
They write something that's straight from their heart and it's passionate and it's spiritual and any guy reading it his eyes are going to roll back in his head because it's a complete expression of who she is. It's great if she wants to attract another woman who's into the law of attraction but she's not speaking guy language at all.
We're not talking about tool belts and football, it's about appreciating that what men are attracted to is often what they don't have themselves okay. They're looking for sweetness, lightness, nurturing, fun, playfulness, sexiness all right.
So when I have clients who sell themselves to me by talking about, when they give me their core attributes on the phone and they'll tell me that they're ambitious and driven and tenacious and I'm like I want to hire you but that's not why he's going to marry you.
So I'm not going to say you shouldn't be those things and you can't still be those things at work but if you're defining yourself as that, if you're going to tell me the reason he should be with you is because you ran a marathon last year that's, I mean, unless you know we're in a drought and you need to run for water I'm not sure why that matters to him. Do you see what I mean?
So we're looking to play up her core qualities and by the way this always goes back to what she wants to convey. So if she tells me family is important we're going to throw in a line about families. If she tells me works important we're going to throw in a line about work. If she tells me travels important we're going to throw in a line about travel but it's going to be balanced it's not going to be a whole bunch of one thing because everybody has read a online dating profile with the scuba diving woman right? Or the music woman and she lists her 700 favorite bands.
These are all going to be balanced. So any guy who's reading this is going to find something in here that he likes, okay, and we're going to bring it home with something sweet and heartfelt at the end. So usually there's something funny at the beginning, sweet and heartfelt and the end and it's a really quick ride in between."
Help with your profile is part of the Cache' Connections Mentoring Services. Click here for more information.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
We received a promotional email for the Soulmate Summit which took place recently. Included therein was this cute outtake from Alison Armstrong, a nationally known educator and expert on understanding men. We couldn't agree more:
One of the most frequently asked questions we receive from soulmate seekers in our community is "how important is chemistry in finding your perfect match"?
You've probably had the experience of going out on a date and not feeling that magic "spark." Is it a sign that they're not "the one" or should you pursue the connection anyway?
Studies show that a stunning 9 times out of 10 your first impression of potential partner is just plain WRONG. Which means, you may be deleting your Soulmate's messages from your inbox because you don't connect with their online profile picture or dismissing them after one date because they didn't look how you had imagined your beloved to be made manifest in physical form.
"So what we encourage is for women to take advantage of something that we call the Adam Sandler effect. I named it the Adam Sandler effect, because when I first saw him in a movie I thought, "Who was the idiot who cast this as a leading man?" And then, about a half hour later I'm thinking, "He's kind of cute." And then, about a half hour after that I'm like, "Oh, kiss him, kiss him, not the other guy, just kiss him!"
You know that way that they grow on us? So, I call it the Adam Sandler effect, the way that a man grows on us and becomes attractive. And so if a woman sorts her men by who is she herself around, who makes her feel beautiful instead of awkward, who makes her feel smart and funny, and who is she naturally being herself with, they're never going to be men that she has a strong chemistry for, they are all going to be the men that she is not attracted to physically.
If she looks at who these men are and then goes, "Okay, so who should I give a chance to?" and instead of paying attention to all them she finds unattractive, start paying attention to what she does. Like, "Wow, he really does have a strong nose, that's actually kind of sexy, his nose." She can cause the Adam Sandler effect and develop chemistry, which is of course exciting, but at a much lower, safer level that won't turn her into a complete idiot.
We call it a "minni-ninni." The Adam Sandler effect turns you into a "minni-ninni," but by the time it takes place you've already established the foundation of honesty and authenticity that when you get weird, he'll go, "Why are you being so weird?"
You can say, "Well, I just got really physically attracted to you." And he'll be like, "Oh, cool. Now quit acting so stupid."
It happens all the time. Will it happen to you?
Monday, March 7, 2011
Emily: Greetings group! Hope you all had a great weekend! Welcome to tonight's talk on boundaries in dating. I'm here to help you with your dating questions so whoever wants to go first....
Chatter: Are there any signs to watch for if a guy is involved in pornography?
Emily: Great question but unfortunately that isn't something that can be easily discovered....it is something that comes to light often in relationships but can be a very delicate thing to discuss, especially in dating. Do you have a concern about a possible potential boyfriend/girlfriend being involved in pornography or are you looking to safeguard from it in the future?
Chatter: I have a friend who accused her boyfriend of staring at beautiful women so it made me wonder?
Emily: Yeah, that is something that many guys, if not most, have struggled with some time during their life. However, looking at a girl is not an indicator that he is struggling with pornography and by being accused so quickly, that doesn't create an environment for future honesty with this type of struggle. Many girlfriends and wives will try to detect pornography in their loved ones life and help them through it, however, I suggest this being something to keep accountable with other men. Just as other women would talk with each other about their struggles, I believe that accountability in this area is best done when with other men and male mentors.
Chatter: he denies that he looks with disrespect.
Emily: While he might deny looking, there might be cause for concern based on her response. A look is very subjective so she doesn't have much to go on in that respect however she can pray for him and encourage him to meet with other males and mentors to not only keep a pulse on this but other issues that become struggles can be discussed in a male accountability group where they can openly and honestly discuss what their sins struggles are and encourage one another....a girlfriend cannot do this (or at least it isn't very healthy for her to be in this role.
I hope that this is helping to make sense of the situation...I wouldn't use a certain look/glance he gave as evidence but I would use that situation as a catalyst to encourage accountability since men need to be walking alongside other men as they authentically and humbly work through their issues and become more Christ like as future husbands and leaders. Does this help?
Chatter: yes. thank you. I will keep praying. It is my brother.
Emily: Yes, be praying for him and remember that more than being "called out" by someone, you can pray for him. The Holy Spirit is the greatest change agent in his life and all of ours as well :)
Chatter: How long after death should you begin to date or even look to date?
Emily: Good question...is this death of a boyfriend or husband? And how long was the relationship?
Chatter: Husband died, 32 years of marriage.. married right out of high school.
Emily: Wow, I'm so sorry to hear this! How long ago was his passing?
Chatter: Nov. 2007. He was 53 years old.
Emily: More than looking at the time that has passed since his death, I look at the grief work that was done after the loss. In 5 months after a loss, some people are able to heal more than others do in 5 or 10 years if they don't grieve, seek help, and process through the loss.
Chatter: I attended a grief support group for over a year and "graduated," that's what they call it anyway.. but is was my choice to graduate. I felt like I was ready to move on because I was feeling like I didn't want to cry anymore I wanted to move on.
Emily: Ok, that is good information to know....if you are going to a group and feel that you have benefited and are able to move on, then it sounds like you are ready to begin the dating process. I would however be aware that some "grief stuff" might come up during the dating process and I would encourage you to even plan on that occurring. When you are meeting many new people and are making new bonds, it will be natural and normal for you to compare them to your former husband. However, I would encourage you to think about what you have enjoyed after each interaction with these new men. You might realize that while they are not your former husband, they might have attributes that you never recognized liking.
Chatter: is there any way to tell if someone else is ready to move on? I have met a guy who lost his wife 2 years ago this past Jan. Just not sure if that is long enough. He only attended a grief group for short time. Just wondering if there are signs to look for.
Emily: I wish that there were signs for everything but unfortunately there aren't. However, I would encourage you to look at the grief process (attending and growing in a grief group, counseling, etc) as the indicator of being able to move forward and not the time since the loss. That is so significant because if he has done his grief work, he will be able to enter into a relationship with you successfully.
Chatter: I am having a hard time with being single and I don't want to jump into something too fast.
Emily: That makes sense and you are wise to pace yourself. The wonderful thing about Cache is that you don't have to rush into anything..you can take your time online and at the community events.
Chatter: I guess I am just really struggling with the "singles scene" and I really don't want to date alot of different guys..
Emily: You can spend one on one time with these new potentials while telling yourself that you will take your time as you test whether or not you are ready for dating again. I would encourage you and everyone else tonight to tell yourself every day "THE Pressure Is Off" So many times singles put pressure on themselves to find that person immediately but we must remember that God is the author of your love life and your future! It is important to be active in your dating life but also know that if you aren't ready to go out with so many people, you can put things on hold or pace yourself by meeting one person at a time online. There is no "right" way to find a husband or wife but I would suggest that you look at the options that work best for where you are right now and actively try them out....you might be surprised at what works for you and how you are open to new people!
Chatter: The waiting and dating thing is sooooo hard! I communicated with someone for a month, we met, we had fun and now he's realized that he just doesn't have time to date with all his commitments of family, work and church. I thought it was a nice way of saying maybe he wasn't interested in me, but ..
Chatter: I talked with a guy who I thought was "the one" for almost a year. we went out several times.. and he decided he just doesn't want a relationship. I think that is why it is so hard to be single.
Emily: thanks for your feedback....sounds like you were really looking forward to getting to know him but he ended up not committing? It is difficult for singles to find a great match but it happens through trial and error (some error is more painful though than other times). I would encourage you all to think after situations such as those described, "what did I learn about myself from this situation?" "what character traits did he/she exhibit earlier on that might have been indicators that he/she wasn't ready to commit?" "what things do I want to be looking for in the future so that I don't get hurt after spending time together for a long time and then find out there isn't a commitment"?
Chatter: In my case he was giving mixed signals... and I was taking them all in. but only concentrating on the commit signals not the uncommitted ones.
Chatter: I think he was telling me the truth, because I found myself kind of waiting around for him. do you think I should contact him at all or wait and see if he contacts me? I'm still a little old fashioned but uncomfortable being too forward.
Emily: Sometimes individuals want to see the commit signals and filter out all the non commit signals. This is why honesty is so important...with yourself and with him.
I would encourage you all to discuss with your future boyfriends/girlfriends to say "I want to make sure that we are on the same page and while I don't know the future for either of us, I can say for myself that I'm seeing a future for this relationship." "If you don't see that as part of your path, please let me know so that we can honor one another and not prolong a painful situation." "I'd rather you be honest with me, even if it will hurt me, instead of keeping in a relationship that doesn't feel like a long term fit." These are several ways that you can discuss your concerns and be up front with the other person. It is very direct but I would suggest being direct at the front end versus delaying later...and more painful.
Chatter: How soon do you think these questions should be asked?
Emily: I would say after a month or two but no sooner. However, you can say that you are not wanting to "play around" from the beginning...not on your first call/conversation but during the first few dates. There is a way that you can say it so that it isn't awkward but caring.
Chatter: That's great info--thank you!
Emily: For sure, glad to help :) Dating is scary stuff but being honest and open is very helpful! Remember, that every good and perfect gift comes from your heavenly Father who cares for you! Trust Him and look to His love as you open yourself up to love relationships here on earth.
Sharing relationship advice is very important at Cache' Connections. Mark your calendar for Expert Emily's next chat on 4/3/11 at 7:30 pm CST.
Friday, March 4, 2011
The topic of overexposed cleavage came up recently at the office. I had to share my experience from a quick trip to a home improvement store which led to a somewhat squeamish topic. As I was checking out, I noticed the young lady (early 20's) assigned to our lane had on a very low shirt - and I'm talking really low! Let's just say there wasn't much left to the imagination. My first thoughts were - "wow, I'm shocked she can wear this as an employee." And then I noticed the guy in front of me who was probably in his mid 60's and how he was struggling to get checked out and not make eye contact with this young lady. I could tell by his body language he was very uncomfortable and then looking at the people behind me, I saw them start to squirm also.
So, of course, I brought this up at the office the next day and we decided this would be a great poll topic. Linda and I agreed there's nothing wrong with being sexy in a classy kind of way. Otherwise, you just come off looking desperate and easy. And really, are those the kind of guys you want to attract? But, here's what our Facebook friends had to say:
Cari: ok "Um classy sexy is good...but um if you need two sided tape to hold it in you prob have gone too far : ) Just sayn'"
Jim: "I see much more than is healthy or attractive....."
Eric: "I have much more respect for those who respect themselves and what God has given them than for those who feel insecure or need to "flaunt" what..."
Stan: "i don't want a woman who is flaunting her breasts or anything else to anyone who crosses her path. I do want a wife who will flaunt them for me...in private."
To me there's nothing enticing about a woman running around with her breasts showing so much she might as well not be wearing a shirt. Unfortunately I see this too often, and I'm also breaking my neck trying not to look. I prefer women who are confident enough in themselves not to feel the need to walk around almost naked.
Linda: "it's really not fair to men, esp. Christian men."
Maurice: "Linda, you are so right! Many women who do this will be the first to call a Christian man a hypocrite. I don't want to hear "What are you looking at?" from somebody walking around half naked and making sure to stay where any men in the area can see her."
Tyra: "i try not to be openly over the top (no pun intended). but the fact is they're there and people who are inclined to look, are going to look. i can consciously not use them to tempt, but i can't keep anyone else from lusting. they (breasts) also mean i don't get good hugs at church... which i had to learn not to take personally."
Mario: "I would have snapped a iPhone pictures just to show her!!!"
Larry: "why does the gal's superior not send her home to change clothes? he should. i guess side hugs are the church hugs to avoid trouble."
Peter: "Well temptation is temptation....Actually I would get embarrassed for her more so than me. It is hard not to look I must admit..."
Les: "What are women thinking when they dress like that?"
So there you have it. As always, we are open for your thoughts, so leave us a comment.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
There's a saying that you only get one chance to make a first impression. That is true both online and offline. Although at Cache' Connections we encourage members to prayerfully consider each connection, we'll probably never completely stamp out the "shopping mode" that is common in online dating. That's why it's crucial that members have good photos and a well-written, authentic profile.
In person, it's a little different. One of my friends asked me to conduct a poll asking: "What are some things that cause you to immediately respond with a "no" to a possible connection, and do you think you are ever too quick to decide?" To me, most of these sound like no-brainers, but just when we think we've been preaching to the choir, someone will say "thanks, I needed to hear that." So here are the comments:
Jean: if they seem wayyyy too into themselves.
Beth: crude language, sloppy dress, no manners, no eye contact, too sappy.
Cari: .too short....no sense of humor....arrogant/know it all....loud/obnoxious...too quick to decide? Is the first 5 seconds too quick?
Vicki: I hate to say this, but looks do play a fairly important part. Just being honest here.
Nicholas: Bad dental hygiene.
Trisha: Common interests are a good connection.
Cari: Personality is a major connection too.
My two cents: being a close-talker, wandering eyes/bad eye contact, talking about self too much, spitting when you talk, bad breath, sourpuss/negative attitude, oh how about food on face or clothes?
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
The following was found in an email issued by Jill Savage, Founder of Hearts at Home. This is a unique approach to understanding what true love is:
Immature love is a noun. A thing we long for. A feeling. An expectation of what someone will do for us.
Mature love is verb. An action we take. A decision. A choice to do something for someone else.
Unfortunately too many of us have yet to mature in our love, and our relationships bear the scars of that fact. But it's never too late to grow up. If we want our love to last a lifetime, we can't afford to keep believing that love is a noun. The feeling of love is short-lived. We have to transition to understanding that long-lasting love is really a verb.
* Love as a noun feels despair when you no longer feel "in love" with the person you are married to
* Love as a verb understands the ebb and flow of feelings. It focuses more on expressing love than feeling love.
* Love as a noun demands its own way.
* Love as a verb works to understand differences and is open to new ways of doing things.
* Love as a noun finds faults in others.
* Love as a verb gives grace and forgiveness.
* Love as a noun expects others to serve them.
* Love as a verb serves freely.
* Love as a noun expects to always feel warm and fuzzy and "in love."
* Love as a verb realizes that often we have to choose to love even when we don't feel like it.