Friday, April 30, 2010
We had our second Health and Fitness chat last night in the Meeting Room at Cache' Connections. There were a couple people who were brave enough to return from last week's chats and a also some newbies. So, after last week's homework assignment of "thought analysis" and "replacement," a few people said they worked on it, but commented what an eye-opener it was and pretty gosh-darned hard! Well...this could be the hardest thing about the whole program. The mind is a stubborn thing to train. I'm still working on it and I'm probably sure I will until the day I die.
So this week, we started with the boring subject of "setting goals." Oops, did I really say that? Well, if I were an attendee and didn't know the program, that's probably what I would think. Actually, our chatters seemed to get into it and had a lot of comments even though I seem to be pounding away at the keyboard most of the time trying to get all the information out that I needed to share. So, here's some highlights of the goals Tom Venuto sets out for everyone in the Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle program.
1. Set specific goals - how much weight do you want to lose down to the digit and/or what size clothes do you want to wear? Otherwise if you don't have clear, specific goals, it's like a ship's captain saying he needs to head West, which he does, but he never gets to his specific destination.
2. Set measurable goals - everyone must have a way to measure their goals. Yeeks, yes we are talking about a scale, measuring tape or something to measure body fat. Most of us agreed a scale and tape measure are no problem to have around.
3. Set BIG goals - okay, I think this was a surprise to everyone. We're talking setting goals for not what you think you can achieve, but what you really want! Tom says puny goals are NOT motivating. Wants are. This is a little scary, but scary is exciting. You shouldn't let the fear of failure or discomfort prevent you from going after what you really want... do I need to talk about the power of the mind again...?
4. Set realistic deadlines - Ignore the ads that promote losing 10 lbs. in 10 days. It can be done, but it isn't true fat loss. This is weight loss from dehydration that only lasts until you stop what you're doing and then it all comes back. The American College of Sports Medicine has established guidelines for healthy weight loss which is one to two lbs. per week. There are definite limitations to how quickly the human body can safely lose fat.
5. Set long-term and short-term goals - Everyone really enjoyed this advice. We broke it down into these 6 goals:
*your ultimate long-term goal
*12 month goal
*3 month goal
*the goal of beating your personal best
We decided the most important goal is the 3 month goal. Three months is the perfect time frame because most people can completely transform their bodies in 90 days. Boy this got the chatter going... one person in "the box" commented that 90 days sounds easier than 3 months.
We agreed that our daily habits are what we focus on with the longer term goals in mind because without time pressure, we will rationalize missing workouts or cheating on eating well. With a deadline right in front of us, we'll know that every workout counts and every meal counts. Okay, so the pressure sets in!
In other words, you know the old saying, "how do you eat an elephant?" The answer is "one bite at a time." Well, the same is true of this plan. Break the larger goals down into smaller parts and focus on one little step at a time, so we won't be overwhelmed.
And then lastly, we talked about getting emotionally involved with our goal and deciding WHY we wanted to lose weight. Is it because you want to look great at a wedding or vacation or attract a member of the opposite sex? Getting emotionally involved in a goal impresses it deeper into your subconscious and we know what happens when our "sub" gets hold of in idea - the only thing it can do - act on it!
So in conclusion, personally, even though I know this program, it still got me excited and I even went out afterward for a walk under the stars:) I encourage everyone to join us for this chat next week. It's so fun to talk with others who share the same goals and get excited about getting healthy.
Now, time to work out! Get up and move everyone... it feels great!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Next Thursday, May 6 marks the 59th Annual National Day of Prayer, a day designated by the United States Congress in 1952, when people are asked "to turn to God in prayer and meditation."
As Christians, every day is a day to pray! At Cache' Connections, we rely on the power of prayer for many things. Each day we begin by going over our task and prayer lists. I believe that our habit of praying together each morning has been the "glue" that has held us together as business partners, friends, and a company. Kim and I pray not only for every aspect of the business and our endless decisions, but for our members as well. If you ever have a prayer request, please share by contacting us!
I read this quote from Beth Moore on Facebook today: "The more we clap, the more inclined He is to come in with an encore." Praise is an important part of our prayer life. 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 tells us: "Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Sometimes it's hard to remember to thank God even for the challenges of life, but we must trust that he is working all things out for our good. (Romans 8:28) In fact, I believe that if we praise God for what He is doing through our difficulties, He just might speed the process!
Finally, we want to let our readers know about a growing group of people who are praying for marriages for singles across the country and globe. Every Monday at lunchtime, 470+ email recipients are committed to praying and fasting for marriages for those who long to be married, for courage for men to walk upright and into marriage, and for courage for women to be willing to see if there are any ways we need to change (and then to risk changing). They are joined together in this effort because they recognize that the strange dynamics at work in our culture have left relationships between men and women more fragile and complicated than in previous generations, and we need the triune Lord's presence and guidance around relationships in ways that perhaps have even surprised us!
Join us as we call out to the Lord to do something new! 2 Chronicles 7:14 tells us: "... if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." Join us as we push against this "singlehood phenomenon" that is taking over our narcissistic culture. You can email email@example.com to be added to the list of prayerful protesters :)
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
We had a very interesting chat last night on "perfectionistic" dating, based on Chapter 7 of The Singlehood Phenomenon by Drs. Tom and Bev Rodgers. Here are some excerpts:
Linda: Hi everyone.
Linda: Did everyone see today's video announcement? If anyone didn't see the video, it gives a good glimpse of Jared who we are going to discuss.
Chatter G: I did not see the video will I be out in the cold?
Linda: So, does anyone know a single who seems to be a terminal dater? Maybe perpetual is a better term. Always going from one lady to the next, seeking a new high? Well did you know that there are chemicals in the brain that make people act that way?
Chatter J: Really? Do tell...
Linda: Well, we will get to that. but this chapter (my favorite) talks about Jared, who had everything going for him. But he went from beautiful woman to beautiful woman, even tried to perfect them by suggesting they take masters courses. He even asked one gal to take elocution lessons b/c he didn't like her voice! The Nerve!
Chatter J: wow.
Linda: These perfectionistic daters are a product of society. We've been sold a notion so unrealistic that it's impossible. A perpetual quest for the perfection we see in TV, magazines, toothpaste ads...
Chatter B: Are they easy to spot?
Linda: Just check the trail of broken hearts, B.
Chatter C: That is why we cannot follow the world's standards. I have been guilty of that in my younger years but have since repented.
Linda: So, everyone agrees that attraction and chemistry are important, right?
Chatter C: Yes, must have chemistry and attraction.
Chatter G: Amen.
Linda: No arguments, I assume? (cough cough)
Chatter L: Absolutely!
Chatter C: If you don't have chemistry with your spouse, it will make things tough in a marriage. Attraction both inside and out must be there.
Linda: Drs. Rodgers, authors of The Singlehood Phenomenon, say there is entirely too much emphasis on these aspects of the relationship.
Chatter H: Interesting!
Chatter C: I want a women attractive on the inside (more importantly), and also on the outside.
Linda: Too much emphasis causes singles to overlook other aspects of mate selection such as similar values, compatibility, common religious beliefs, etc.
Chatter G: Not that it is correct but our society encourages this. Everywhere you look.
Chatter L: I want a combo.
Linda: It's important to know the difference between Love and Infatuation. Anyone want to take a stab at that?
Chatter G: 1 Cor 13 i think describes the perfect love.
Faye: Love is not infatuation was my favorite part of the chapter - it really explains things I have seen.
Chatter C: I think we all want the total package - Spiritually in tact, good heart, common interests, values, physical attraction.
Linda: What's important C, is that the physical attraction can actually Grow on you after the hearts are connected.
Chatter B: Linda....I'm not sure most men are willing to wait for that.
Linda: So F, want to explain to the class the difference between love and infatuation?
Chatter L: B! You read my mind!
Chatter F: Well infatuation is when your heart is racing and you can't stop thinking about what you Think someone is like. Love is learning who the other person is and growing to respect and love them for it.
Linda: Great F! Infatuation causes us to put on rose colored glasses and idealize our mate; brushing off their shortcomings and emphasizing their attributes.
Chatter B: And see them as who we want them to be....not who they really are?
Chatter L: Who does more idealizing? Men or women?
Chatter C: Us men do L.
Linda: Yes B. So, then after 3 months to 4 years, when reality sets in and chemicals wear off, we take a look at "her" and see that she is a mere human and give her the boot.
Chatter B: Interesting ...
Chatter C: That is why you have to check every nook and cranny. Always Guard Your Heart. Don't go by emotions, look at everything. Sometimes people fall too fast for a person. Take it slow and do it right.
Chatter G: So you're saying that Love is also a decision?
Chatter B: Love is a verb, an action, a decision....not a feeling.
Chatter C: Don't go by emotions, look at everything. Sometimes people fall too fast for a person.
Linda: Oh G, you are skipping ahead! Did you read the chapter???
Chatter G: No, lol.
Linda: True C, but it works the other way too.
Chatter L: Can men set their visual tendencies to the side? I'm not so sure...
Linda: Too often a single will dismiss someone b/c they don't fit the "type" or look they desire... and let a good one slip by.
Chatter B: Looking for a blind man?
Linda: LOL B.
Linda: Did u guys read my blog about pinkish hue cheeks on Friday?
Chatter F: Hahaha sure did.
Chatter B: Great post Linda....almost as good as the one today!
Linda: It's a must read guys. So anyway, in the blog I divulge a secret. That is ... i was not really my husband's "type". Imagine my chagrin after 25 years of wedded bliss!
Chatter B: Wow....after all these years!
Chatter F: I just stared a the screen when I saw that.
Chatter J: Wow!
Linda: Yeah, turns out he was attracted typically to petite women. As if!
Chatter L: Was he yours?
Linda: Basically. I think I was too young to really have the type perfected in my mind. Him too, really. Older singles have a much clearer vision of him or her which adds to the dilemma.
Chatter F: I love when he said that if he had overlooked you what he would have missed.
Chatter J: Wow.
Linda: Turns out I guess he liked my sparkly personality and maybe my pheromones.
Chatter G: LOL I know that word.
Linda: So, his Rule No. 1 is you Have to meet someone, don't rely on a photo!!!
Chatter R: I agree with that!
Linda: Of course you need to have those dealmakers/breakers in line and a general appeal to their look. Some things just are not going to work and you can see that.
Chatter L: I find that men are less likely to contact me if I don't post a photo...
Chatter J: Photo is a must on a dating site.
Linda: Yes photo is a must. Otherwise they think what are you hiding? (assuming). Am I right?
Chatter L: I was just trying not to be chosen based on looks! :)
Linda: L, put your best face forward :)
Chatter J: Guys don't really work like that, L.
Linda: Yes, guys like pictures. Women like words.
Chatter G: OK qualities matter over looks, how do you get over it?
Linda: So ready for some drugs? Ok, so. Let's understand these crazy chemicals for a minute.
Chatter F: I do believe that is how God wired us.
Linda: Did you know we are attracted to people whose DNA will work harmoniously with our own? Part of God's perfect design. There is a section of DNA called HLA that functions to develop your immune system. If you mate with someone with the opposite HLA code, then your offspring will have a greater immunity to diseases.
Chatter J: Ok. Wow. That's interesting.
Linda: We are more attracted to people who have a dissimilar HLA code.
Chatter S: Wow, tell me more.
Chatter R: How do I find one that is opposite of me?
Linda: Well you could order blood tests R, but I think that Mother Nature guides. Also, your nose knows. On some level we register a scent and respond to it emotionally and physically.
Chatter G: I feel like a hound dog now.
Chatter F: Hahahahahahaha.
Linda: A great deal of the power of chemistry may come from the biochemical changes that occur within a person as he or she becomes infatuated. Those chemicals contribute to your feelings of well being and euphoria.
Chatter L: So how is someone supposed to expand his/her horizons if he/she is just following the DNA?
Linda: Learning the truth about all these chemicals can help you recognize what's really going on. There's more: dopamine, serotonin, hormones, norepinephrine.
Generally associated with feelings of a high, exhilaration, energy, etc.
Chatter B: Is there a low after the high?
Linda: Yes, these wear off beginning at 3 months and all are gone at Year 4. The point is that people act/react based on these feelings that are not lasting. They make judgments that are not sound.
Chatter R: 4 years? That's a long time.
Chatter B: Interesting....which is why infatuation doesn't last.
Linda: So remember in the video announcement I spoke of Jared from this chapter, a client of the Drs. Rodgers. He was verrrry picky, a perfectionist dater. He was operating based on these chemicals, not real love. Not the qualities that last.
Chatter G: "Singin where o where are u tonight why did u leave me here all alone i searched the world over and thought i found true love u saw another anptttths u were gone."
Chatter M: Chemistry is great, but there are still things that are deal makers and deal breakers.
Linda: Yes M. Dealmakers and breakers are a given, given they are reasonable :) So back to Jared ... the Drs. taught Jared a more healthy process of mate selection.
They didn't want him to "settle", but they counseled him to be more realistic, conscious, and healthy about the women to whom he was attracted. Jared wasn't allowing God to help in the mate selection, he wasn't trusting Him. So Jared finally met Marie, a warm, vivacious compassionate social worker. Not His Usual Type because she was divorced and not a supermodel type. But she did have an earthy natural beauty that drew people to her. At first he didn't feel that powerful chemistry so he kept his distance. The Drs. had to encourage him to look harder and he found there was indeed chemistry. It was just Different that what he experienced before. Jared ended up marrying Marie.
There are many more comments from the chatters, many of them funny! Join us for other chats! This Thursday evening Kim will be leading a chat on Health and Nutrition. Be aware ... it may not be what you think! Click here for all scheduled chats.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Cache' Connections Live! St. Charles was a huge success Friday night. The highlights were worship with Brian Hunt - always awesome - and hearing the words of wisdom shared by Pastor Bob Moeller of For Better For Worse For Keeps ministries. We were also blessed to hear from a success couple, married in 3/10, who announced they are expecting twins! Check out a video clip at the bottom with some evening highlights!
Here are some recaps of Pastor Bob's talk:
Five Areas of Critical Compatability for a Love That Lasts
1) Values Harmony
Real agreement on values in life. Do two really walk together unless they are in agreement? (Amos 3:3)
There are 4 categories of couples:
1. Vitalized Couple-same convictions about values in life, moving toward each other
2. Harmonious Couple- share same values in most areas, but not as convicted in being so important
3. Conventional Couples - share limited shared values; committed to each other, stay together because they took the vow for life
4. Conflicted Couple - daily struggle to find common ground, struggling too hard to make it work, stay in the relationship but not connected, it may be time to let it go
Each person should be at the same level of connecting to Jesus and living in Christ. (2 Corinthians Chapter 6:14 ... do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers)
-you can't build a strong house with two sets of blue prints
Both partners should have experienced regeneration in Jesus Christ and a consuming desire to grow closer to Him, desire to grow together, to serve and to know Him. How can you be sure this person is truly a Christ follower? Here are some good questions to ask:
- what has God been teaching you in the last month?
- if you would die tonight, do you know where you would spend eternity?
- what is the most important thing that God has brought you through?
- what is God currently showing you in your life?
How someone answers these questions will help you understand where they are at spiritually.
3) Emotional Availability
Do we share the same ability to give and receive emotionally? Are we emotionally compatible? - do I feel loved? Using a scale of 1 – 100, is it more than 80%? If not, this relationship may not be growing/loving. Jesus shared 9 traits of availability when He provided the Beatitudes in the book of Matthew:
The Beatitudes (Beautiful Attitudes) of Marriage (Matthew Chapter 5)
Humility, Meekness, Sympathy, Righteousness, Mercy, Purity, Peacefulness, Perseverance, Rejoicing
4) Mission Compatibility
Tell me about the pain/joy inside your heart. What are your dreams? What’s your calling? What has God created you to do???
Pastor Moeller calls this Mission Compatibility. Do you see yourself serving with this person? Do you have a bigger purpose together? What would you be doing in life if we hadn’t met?
How much disappointment will it take to keep you from moving forward in this area? What will it take for you to abandon it? How committed are you? Are the two of you able to accomplish more together than separately?
Paul reminds us to finish!
However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me – the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace. (Acts 20-23:25)
5) Gifted Synergy
You need to know your gifts. Use your "A" gifts and delight to be able to use your gifts, and others will delight in receiving your "A" gifts. "B" gifts are things you can get good at, but they are not as natural or appreciated as your "A" gifts. "C" gifts - dont even try :)
Do I have to bury my "A" gifts to make the other person less threatened? We should be able to be there to cheer the other person on when they are using their "A" gifts. Don’t spend your time on the things that you are not created to do ... others can do them better! Pastor Moeller suggests that we should exalt each other in joy. How much are you willing to sacrifice so the other person can use their gifts/talents? Do you want them to succeed in reaching their full potential for God and the kingdom? What are you willing to do so they can reach it? What would you do with your life? How committed are you? What are you willing to do to be productive in your life? You and your relationship should be better together than apart.
Click the video screen for a video clip of highlights from the evening!
Friday, April 23, 2010
Ever see that Seinfeld episode? Jerry and Elaine were trying to set George up on a blind date. George let go a litany of questions about this girl, most pertaining to her physical features ... even to the extent of asking if she has soft cheeks with a pinkish hue!
If you are friends with us on Facebook, you may have seen some recent polls and chatter about how much of your decision to date someone is based on looks vs. personality/character. It seems the overwhelming response is that although the latter are very important, most people base their decisions on their first impression and there must be "chemistry." I always thought chemistry is that feeling of attraction, attachment and extreme interest in each other, but it seems a lot of folks were referring to appearance.
We all have an image in our head of what the perfect mate should look like. The way this is formed is through millions of images we've seen over a lifetime, not all of which was good information. Unfortunately, the longer a person stays single, the more this image is hardwired into their conscious minds to the point of becoming a dealbreaker.
Take for instance one mentoring client we were working with this week. We were rather amazed at one dealbreaker which had to do with physical appearance. He was being encouraged to befriend a woman who seemed to have all of the other qualities he was looking for.
I was discussing this peculiarity with my husband of 25 years over dinner. Always having known him to be a very visual man, I was shocked to find that I wasn't really his usual "type." LOL ... but he emphatically stated that people could be missing out on the sweetest, kindest person with a sparkling smile, smell and personality based solely on a picture. He went on to say "You have to meet someone in person." We agreed that as long as a prospective match is not unattractive to you, then you should give him/her serious consideration, given that the other qualities are favorable. Studies report that a spouse will rate his mate as more attractive than the general public would rate him/her. This is because he/she sees them as beautiful from the inside out.
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
Hope all of your connections are beautiful inside and out!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
We've been told over and over by pastors and singles alike that singles typically wait for the last minute to make a decision about what to do and where to go. They say they want to sit back and wait and see who's coming... because maybe something better will come up for Friday night - right? But, many are on the ball for this Friday's event and the registration list continues to grow. We expect 250-300 guests and it could be a sold out crowd!
It seems Cache' Connections Live! St. Charles is "the place to be" among Christian singles tomorrow night, 4/23 at Christ Community Church. Hundreds of singles will be there - including a lot of new faces!
Heavy marketing campaigns began about 8 weeks ago including:
- fliers to churches
- Facebook event and advertising
- friends of For Better For Worse For Keeps ministries
- phone blasts
- promotional emails
- personal phone calls
- singles ministries
... and let's not forget the all-important "tell a friend" campaign!
We've even heard Christian singles are coming from all over... including Wisconsin, Indiana, Peoria, Bloomington, and Chicagoland! There will also be some special appearances from some Cache' Connections celebrities, such as Lee Roupas, our "Bachelor" for "The Cache' Connection" show taking place on 6/4/10. Darrick and Markita, a Cache' Connections success story, will be sharing their story of how they met and fell in love through CC. Don't forget to check out the photo line where you'll see many of our mentoring clients styling their best look:)
Speaking of photos, never underestimate the power of a great photo! Have your professional photo taken by Jean Lachat for just $15. What a great way to show your integrity and intentionality! Just a little insider tip... doors open at 7:00 pm - get in line early!
As a reminder, pre-registration is $15 and tickets at the door will be $20. Online registration ends tonight at midnight, or call 309-550-5580 by 8:30 pm. Click here for all the information you need! Cache' Connections Live! St. Charles
See you there!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
I think our chat friends were expecting something quite different than what we discussed last night on the topic of health and fitness, based on the book, Burn The Fat, Feed The Muscle, by Tom Venuto. I'm sure when people heard the focus for the first week was on goal setting, they probably thought - yada, yada - heard this before. Let's just say the chatters were pretty much "speechless" when we didn't even talk about specific goals we were setting. Instead we talked about why we were goal setting and the necessary ingredients of action, but wait,here's the crazy part - controlling our thoughts? Well, this is usually not a priority with personal trainers. But before getting into that topic and back to goal setting, Zig Ziglar compares not having goals to shooting at a target with a blindfold on. "How could you possibly hit a target you can't even see. If you don't know where you're going, you're probably not going to end up anywhere."
Okay, so that is pretty straight-forward and nothing too earth moving in the way of new information. But, when we put this together with information of goal setting with basic scientific facts of how our conscious and subconscious brain work, this formula can make all this difference in success or failure, whether it be in a weight loss program or your something involving your dating life. By the way, this subject on the conscious and subconscious brain was the most intense focus of the chat, We covered a lot of information , but I'll try to briefly sum it up. Here goes...the conscious - it's the entirely rational, logical, analytical, thinking part of the brain. The subconscious is like a robot or computer that does everything the conscious thinks. But the kicker is that the subconscious is what makes us behave the way we do. It doesn't care whether the information it's receiving is true or false. The subconscious unquestioningly accepts everything that reaches it and carries out the programming we have given it.
Are you getting my drift? Our brains think approximately 60,000 thoughts a day and 98% of them are what we thought yesterday and, yep, you probably guessed it... most of our thoughts are negative self-talk. So, our subconscious has no other choice than to act on the thoughts it was given. Say for instance, we are thinking "I can't lose weight no matter what I do, or I have a slow metabolism, or I have bad genes." These very thoughts will prohibit your body from losing the weight because the subconscious believes the thoughts as facts so it tells the body mechanisms not to lose weight. Sounds like some new age idea? Not at all. This is really how the mind is programmed. It's the correlation between the emotional and physical that's often forgotten and overlooked. So getting back to goal setting. Once our minds are focused on the goal and believe we can achieve it through our constant repetition of positive thoughts, our subconscious tells the body to carry out the tasks of accomplishing the goal. Don't get me wrong though, this doesn't mean we can sit on out duffs and eat bon-bons and think ourselves thin. Of course, there needs to be action through proper nutrition and exercise.
So, our chatting friends agreed that our goals for this week are, first of all, to be aware of our thoughts; and second of all, take control of our thoughts. Easy enough? Not at all! This feat is one of the hardest things we will ever accomplish. Do you realize that the one thing we have 100% total control of in this life is our thoughts? So, why aren't we taking control of our minds and use positive self talk such as: "How can I lose fat and enjoy the process? What can I do today that will help me get closer to my weight loss goal? My metabolism is getting faster every day. What can I eat right now at this meal that will help me lose body fat?"
Give it some thought:) This is great advice for those who not only are interested in losing weight, but who want to "rethink" any areas of our life that need a new and healthier message. Let's quit self-sabotaging ourselves!
So next time destructive thoughts come along... simply think REJECT and REPLACE! And don't get discouraged. It gets easier with practice.
See you in the chat next week!
Besides great worship with Brian Hunt and great words of wisdom from Pastor Bob Moeller of For Better For Worse For Keeps Ministries, refreshments and the chance to meet Kim and Linda in person (tee hee), who can I meet if I come to St. Charles this Friday?
Glad you asked! So far we have over 100 Christian singles registered, and it's still early. (We know how you love to wait until the last minute.) This is shaping up to be great event! You will have opportunity to meet many singles Friday night. They are coming from as far away as Wisconsin, Peoria and Bloomington, Illinois, so there are sure to be some new faces.
Click here for more information and photos.
Click here to register!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Have you ever read "for women only" by Shauti Feldhahn? I would say it's a must-read for wives, but it lends great insight for singles, too, to understand men. One of the most shocking chapters, Chapter 6, titled "Keeper of the Visual Rolodex," really opened my eyes on how open men's eyes really are!
Men are visual. We've all heard that. But realizing how visual they really are blew me away! Shaunti starts out describing a scenario of a business conference in which a woman is first to make her presentation. She has a great figure and it shows well beneath her tasteful suit. She is friendly, but all business. So, what are the men thinking?
Here are some thoughts from Christian men who are serious about their faith - and the married ones devoted to their wives:
1. "Great body. Stop it! What am I thinking?"
2. "I check to see if she is wearing a wedding ring."
3. "I wonder if she finds me attractive."
4. "I feel an instant tightening in my gut."
5. "I bet she's using those curves to sell this deal."
6. "Look at her face, look at her face, look at her face."
7. "I have to be ruthless about pushing back these images - and they keep intruding."
8. "If I'm not careful, a few minutes later I might be wondering what she's like in bed."
Amazed and dismayed as Shaunti (and I) were? Through hundreds of personal interviews used as a basis for this book, Shaunti learned that this is normal. Here's the insight she gathered, which radically reshaped her understanding of men:
"Even happily married men are instinctively pulled to visually consume attractive women, and these images can be just as alluring whether they are live or recollected."
She goes on to describe the visual Rolodex of sensual images, gathered largely from the media, that are burned into men's brain.
There is much more to say on this chapter, but I will leave you with this thought. What are YOU doing to contribute to the Rolodex? It's time for women, especially Christian women, to help their brothers in Christ with this struggle. Remember, they do not invite these images into their brains, they are instantly injected through television, the internet, and, well, living on this earth. While having a healthy body is certainly something we all strive for, we must be careful how we may be displaying it. Those low-cut tops and dresses are certainly trendy, and you may think that men just find you "cute." But what you may not realize is that he is picturing you naked, whether he wants to or not.
Shaunti says, "It's natural to enjoy being noticed, but he doesn't want you there" (in his Rolodex.) Are you unwitting fodder for his Rolodex?
Sunday, April 18, 2010
We certainly have our good days and bad days at Cache' Connections and nothing affects us more deeply when we hear from someone who is hurting and tired of trying over and over after experiencing yet another failed relationship. Even though Linda and I are married, we too have unmet desires in areas of our life which helps us to identify with the pain singles experience. We have heard another great guy today who just wants to "throw in the towel" because he feels he is constantly beat down by women... ouch! And we're not talking about a bitter pity-party kinda guy. This is a guy who has tried over and over and has real pain of an unanswered desire!
This brought my thoughts back to about this time last year when I felt that same hopeless, despairing feeling. We had had our house for sale for over a year and a half and it was preventing us from moving forward in getting rid of some other real estate from my previous job of contracting new construction. So many times I had cried out to God asking him why we hadn't seen an answer to prayer, especially since I had totally turned my life over to Him and had given up a lucrative career for this ministry/business. And one night it happened... a total meltdown, loss of hope, loss of faith, on the way home from church on Saturday night. But, my husband caught me in the middle of my breakdown and kept reminding me of God's word and how he had promised to be there in every circumstance and not let us fail. We even prayed together in the car and started reminding ourselves of how He had confirmed He was there in the past and how we had made it through some hard times. After praying and praising, even though I didn't want to admit it, I will say I felt a lot better. Well, guess what... we sold the house the next day. You know the saying... "it's always darkest before the dawn." Must I say more?
So, I shared this story with our gentleman member who is feeling like his situation is hopeless today. And I want to encourage all you to keep the faith also. First of all, take a good assessment of yourself and see if there is any areas in which God might be calling you to walk in closer obedience - whether it be spending more time with Him, going to Christian counseling or just taking better care of your body "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own" 1 Corinthians 6:18-20. If you are doing your part, trust God to do His. Remind him over and over of His promise to you and your belief that He is working things out and you will see your heart's desire soon. And also, take time to pour encouragement into others. Let God take care correcting others wrongs and shortcomings and let's show our love as Christian brothers and sisters.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Hey babe, wanna go out sometime?
As promised, we gave the ladies their turn for a rebuttal on the dating turn-off issue via Facebook. Let's just say we didn't have to ask twice :) Here they are in no particular order:
1. Bad breath; lack of personal grooming; poor hygiene
2. Over-zealousness (too many emails, phone calls, etc.) It makes me think--- no, it TELLS me that you are needy, and that is a turn-off
4. Ill-fitting attire and attire too casual for the occasion; socks with sandals.
6. Men that try to "charm" you by teasing you
7. Not calling when promised
8. Staring too long at other women when on a date with you; not making eye contact with me.
9. Being boisterous (talking loud, laughing loud); talking about himself all night
10. Poor manners; tooting the horn instead of coming to ring the door bell.
11. Looking to see who's calling on the cell phone (even if you don't answer, you might as well since you popped open the phone).
12. Men not picking up the tab. If I wanted to go "dutch" I'd go with my best friend. A date is a date is a date....pay the tab already!
13. Not escorting me to my car after a date if we met a mutual place. Even if you're never planning to see me again, be a gentleman.
14. Not waiting until I'm safe and in the door before you pull off from my driveway.
15. Asking a barrage of personal questions. The one I get asked most often when 1st meeting a man: How old are you?
16. Too much cologne.
17. Don't talk to me about your mother. I don't care to know that she makes the best food or that she still does your laundry.
18. Not referring to me by name in email, phone calls, etc.. I have a name, you know?
19. Bragging about money and possessions.
20. A man who starts calling me sweetie, darlin', etc. when we aren't even in a relationship or hardly know each other. I lose trust in them right away.....he would call anyone terms of endearment.
21. Expecting physical contact on different levels.
Guilty of any of these, guys?
p.s. Sometimes I think I have too much fun picking these photos.
Friday, April 16, 2010
We often reflect back on our original business plan when first laying out the business model for Cache' Connections. Back in 2007, it was nothing but a dream on paper... we even recall one marketing expert in Colorado telling me it was nothing but a "pipe dream." For the most part, we have seen most of our plans come about, as far as the website, events, matchmaking, etc. But, it sure has been a lot of twists and turns to get there! Never in our wildest dreams did we know it was going to put us on this crazy roller coaster ride of ups and downs, never knowing how things are going to turn out. Well, once again we see the business taking a turn. Last year we were crazy busy with a lot of events, but for some reason God seemed to slow us down on the tedious work of event planning this year. And by now, we have learned not to push open a closed door, but the "okay, what's next?" is always the challenge. So, along comes mentoring which we talked about yesterday, so I'll just briefly say this service is such a blessing to Linda and me as we get to work on a personal level with clients applying our expertise and showing them that we really care and want to help!
But, again reflecting on the business start-up, it was such an honor this week to serve on an advisory board for Illinois Central College, which is looking into starting an entrepreneurship program. The college selected people from the community who were successful in starting a business. It was so exciting to share our knowledge with the college administrators and professors and afterward. It was definitely an "ah ha moment" - as we were able to reflect how far we had come and how much we had learned. We found that a lot of business owners in the area actually are pretty much behind the times in knowing about the internet and how important it's going to be in the future in establishing and operating a business. I had to hold myself down from disagreeing with another well-respected business man in the room who stated in a matter-of-fact way that you must have a degree at being an entrepreneur to be successful. Linda and I don't do too bad as far as knowing how to run a business and neither one of us have a degree in entrepreneurship. We have found that drive, passion, commitment, persistence and a lot of faith is the winning combination for going after the information and knowledge necessary. Let's just say it's in our DNA:)
Have a great weekend!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
So I took a random poll on my Facebook page, asking what are major turn-offs for guys when it comes to dating? Well, like it or not, here's what I got, in no particular order. (Note: spelling and grammar has been corrected by Yours Truly.)
1. Treating you like you were being interviewed for a job or a car loan.
2. Treating a date like a police interrogation.
3. Being man haters.
4. Talking bad about ex boyfriends or being critical. What will she tell others about you? (A mentoring client told me same thing, which led to this poll.)
5. Reliving their past of 10 years ago like it was yesterday - get over it, heal, and move on.
6. Impatience and unkindness.
7. When she asks for her child to attend dinner or an event and doesn't offer to pay.
8. Bad manners. Chewing with their mouth open.
9. Anger and bitterness.
11. Being late -- or not ready -- when you have agreed on a time to do something.
12. Bad breath makes me want to head for the hills.
13. Not letting a man treat her like a lady, like opening doors, etc.
14. Not getting the balance right between being "Too Strong" and "Too Weak."
Hmmm ... that last one is food for thought. And I'm a little surprised that spitting wasn't mentioned!
Ladies, you are next. Send your turn-offs to firstname.lastname@example.org. Also, join me for Facebook fun! Click here to find me.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Linda and I have really enjoyed the Cache' Mentoring Services since they were launched a few weeks ago. Let's just say, we're getting in there and getting our hands dirty! In other words, by working on a personal basis with clients, we feel that we are helping them to discover some new ways of approaching dating. We don't want to come off as though we know it all, but we feel we have learned a lot in the 3 years of building this business. We have been blessed to talk with experts, pastors and singles across the country about issues that may be hindering successful relationships. We also have learned so much from reading the many great books out on Christian dating and we also must mention that we feel God has anointed us in this area. We don't take these duties lightly and continue to cry out to God for wisdom (James 1:5) as we work in this tender area of people's lives.
The hardest part about mentoring singles is often we find they are stuck in a rut of making the same decisions over and over again... and these decisions are not always in their best interest. Take for instance, one mentoring client who says he will only date ladies with dark hair and dark eyes. And we also commonly see guys who only want to date the best looking girls even though they're not really a 10 themselves. Well, guess what? They're still single. I know it sounds a little harsh to say, "and how's that working for you?" but I even talked to a guy this week who is 60 years old and never married, and he's still hanging onto his "list." So, comes the dilemma if whether we say nothing so we don't offend our clients, or do we really help them and say what they don't want to hear - the truth.
Well, Linda and I had quite a pow-wow over this one and decided we aren't really helping people if we don't suggest to them what could be holding them back. It's just a matter of helping them to look at things from a different perspective, and of course it's really in the delivery. During the two-week period, we partner together in prayer that the client would open his or her mind to any changes God may have for them to make.
So far no one has hung up the phone on us and everyone has seemed to appreciate the suggestions, but it's a process. We give them the information and then they need time to digest it because it's such an "about turn" from the old ways of thinking.
But overall, the Mentoring Services are helping people and we love being part of it!
Have a blessed day!
Last night we had a lively chat in The Meeting Room based on Chapter 5 of "The Singlehood Phenomenon," which is "A Poor Understanding of the Purpose of Marriage." We discussed society's negative view of marriage, which is based primarily around the divorce epidemic. This epidemic began shortly after the sexual revolution of the 1960's; the no-fault divorce and many other societal problems continue to contribute to the problem. Unfortunately, we ran out of time before getting to the heart of the matter, so here it is:
Unfortunately, children of divorce have a very difficult time trusting their partners for the security of their relationship and have inherited a negative perception of marriage. Isn't this sad? God's perfect, original plan for marriage has been trampled upon by our narcissistic society.
Michael Craven, a noted author, speaker and apologist, has this to say about God's design for marriage:
Marriage is more profound than our contemporary culture would lead us to believe. It is a lifelong commitment that restrains self-centeredness, self-indulgence, and self-gratification. It is the one relationship that effectively prepares and conditions us for community.
Drs. Rodgers, the authors of "The Singlehood Phenomenon," remind us that God created man in his own image. The first man had dominion over all creation and was responsible for tending the earth, caring for all of creation and protecting all that God had given him. He did not have the option of being passive or fearful. He was created with the responsibilities and the innate abilities to meet those responsibilities. (Aaaaahh, God's original design ... )
One of Adam's responsibilities was to name all of the beasts, birds, etc. that God created. In order to name something in the Old Testament, this meant you had to (deeply) know someone or some thing. So Adam had to spend time with each of the living things, establishing relationships with them, in order to name them.
Of course, in getting to know all of God's creatures, Adam was left feeling lonely because although all of the creatures had their mates, there was not any creature like himself. He needed a special relationship of his own. In fact, the only part of the creation narrative that God said was "not good" was that man was alone. God knew Adam needed a "helper comparable," one just like him with whom he could establish a relationship.
Hmmm ... so why didn't God make Eve at the same time he made Adam? He wanted Adam to realize his need - to see the value of a "helper comparable." Adam craved connection - he was lonely, hungry for companionship, and pining for a relationship. So God granted his heart's desire and Adam got to name Eve, which means that he formed a relationship with her.
Note that Adam was the one who needed a relationship. God designed him to be the leader. No wonder women plead for men to pursue them - it is God's awesome, strategic design.
I believe that despite what we are led to believe by today's culture and the attitude of serial and perfectionist daters, men and women still have that deep (if not hidden) desire for true committed connection. We were created for community - not necessarily to make us happy and content, but to grow us. However, we can become happier and more content as we settle into the person the Lord has designed us to be.
Check out "The Singlehood Phenomenon" at Cache' Connections and join Linda/Founder in The Meeting Room next Monday night at 8:00 pm CST for Chapter 6, "Fear of Getting Hurt."
Monday, April 12, 2010
Our 39 year old bachelor hails from the South side of Chicago, where he is stays busy preaching, speaking, and keeping everyone in shape. All this outside of his day job, that is. Lee is looking for a special lady between the ages of 29 and 39 who has a good heart and a desire to take care of her temple.
Lee Roupas (a/k/a Big Lee) will be the featured bachelor on 6/4/10 at The Cache' Connection show at Parkview Christian Church - Lockport Campus. Make plans to come out and join the audience. You, along with an expert panel, will be able help him choose between 3 to 5 potential dates. Click here for details!
Lee Roupas is an American Council on Exercise (ACE) certified fitness trainer. He is a lifelong drug-free athlete, martial artist, and competitive natural bodybuilder. He is a motivational speaker who speaks to professional organizations, business people, schools and churches. Lee has also been a featured television and radio personality on NBC 5, WTTW’s Chicago Tonight, WJJG 1530 AM, WSCR 670 AM, CATV 19 Chicago, and The Don of Sports TV Show. Lee was selected as one of Chicago’s top twenty-five most-wanted bachelors by Today’s Chicago Woman Magazine. He is a graduate of Michigan State University and resides in the Chicago area. Click here to view his website.
See you on 6/4!
Friday, April 9, 2010
We're excited to be working with Susan, a quality member who is seeking a man who loves the Lord and wants a true friendship with her mate.
In working with Susan so far, we can see what a great catch she will be! She truly loves Jesus and seems to have her life and values very much in order. In spite of (or maybe because of) her day job, she LOVES spending time outdoors, especially on the lake! Now to find a guy who can keep up with her ... but we are on the case and have placed some calls to her preferred connections.
Susan did a fantastic job writing her bio; it is almost poetic - unique, like her. However, it still left us wanting some specific details about Susan. So here is her new bio, with the 2nd paragraph being the product of our suggestions:
Ok, about me: I want to know, and be known. I want to smile just thinking about you. I want to share our favorite things. I want to be deeply connected emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I want to laugh, and make you laugh. I want to challenge and be challenged. I want to be there in the good times and the bad. I want to surprise you with little things. I want to explore God's creation together. I want to live out his plan together. I want to be held. I want our admiration for each other to be obvious to friends and strangers alike. I want to grow and learn and share.
I would like to find someone who lives for Jesus, loves to have fun, laugh, travel, and enjoy the outdoors. I'm pretty easy going and have a positive outlook, but also have an adventurous side. I love snow skiing in the winter and wakeboarding in the summer. I also enjoy traveling, and exploring new places and cultures. I've been to 14 or so countries, and about half the states (so lots more to explore!) Drop me a line and let’s get this next adventure started!
Consider our new mentoring program for yourself. The feedback has been tremendous! People are raving about the personal touch. Check out the details here. Also, contact us if you are a male between the ages of 40 and 54 and are interested in learning more about Susan, who lives in the north Chicago suburbs.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Ouch!... yeah, we know this is a really touchy subject, not just with the women, but we were told it's a well-kept secret subject among the single guys 40+. I just had a conversation yesterday with a 55 year old bachelor, never married, who said a lot of his friends are set on dating someone 20 years younger and he wanted to know our thoughts. Well, since he asked, I told him that there are definitely some red flags at the get-go when connecting two people with a 15-20 year age gap.
According to Tom Blake, the author of "Middle Aged and Dating Again," "most of these marriages don't last." As we are all aware, marriage can be difficult enough without adding more hindrances resulting from such a large age difference. Some of these complications include:
*different energy levels
*different maturity levels
*different experience levels
*different stage-of-life interests
*age differences with friends
*starting a new family vs. already raised a family
*health issues and longevity
We're not saying that it absolutely won't work between two people with a 15-20 year age difference, but the probability of a successful, long lasting relationship decreases with so many complications thrown in the mix. We like to recommend the guys open their minds to the thought of dating someone closer to their age. We have some awesome 40+ and older ladies at Cache' Connections who have it all going on, and the important thing is to find someone who you truly love and adore and is committed to putting Christ at the center of the relationship.
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD. Proverbs 18:21-23
(Yesterday we promised you the pre-game events for The Cache' Connection show, but that is still under construction. Stay tuned!)
As my son would say in his mocking-screechy voice that he no doubt got from TV ... "whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??" Cache' Connections now speaking on fitness???
It's that time of year, so we thought we'd address a little physical fitness - Spring training. Time to trade our slippers for sneakers and laptops for dumbbells! Our society has become so sedentary over the past 50 years or so that we really have to be proactive in getting enough exercise. So before you sit down at night to join in that chat, check your Cache' Connections messages or play on Facebook, consider whether you've had that heart rate up for 20 minutes yet today?
We can probably all do more. We recently saw a news clip of a new study that women who are 40+ need to exercise one hour, 7 days a week just to maintain their weight! Now don't let that discourage you - if you've been maintaining your weight just fine, then this study doesn't change that fact.
There are a few brutal facts you need to know:
Women: most men like women who are fit.
Men: most women, though typically more lenient, like men who do not have large paunches over their belt line.
Don't blame us - we're just the messengers. Kim and I sit in interesting seats where we get to see and hear from all of you and can put together trends and patterns. But, you are probably reading this because you are interested in attracting a special member of the opposite sex. Please - no more excuses.
So what can we do? I know it's not anything you've never heard before, but a few lifestyle changes and choices may very well be in order. A huge fan of sweets, I remember two years ago I took a look at myself while eating those luscious mini cini's from Burger King and thought: what am I doing? Could I actually live without sweets, as some claim to do? So I did the impossible: I put myself on a sweets fast for two weeks, just to see if I would survive. Drastic, I know! But - I did it! Although the household didn't really appreciate my "baking break," I found a few healthy alternatives (mainly fruit) that almost sufficiently satisfied my cravings. Yes, I said almost. The trick is the mindset! We all know the power of the mind ... it has to be made up so that there is no arguing with yourself :)
Don't ever tell Kim I said this, but being under her influence over the past 3 years has encouraged me to eat healthier and engage in more exercise than what I was previously doing, which was walking almost daily for 20-45 minutes. I'm 5 or 6 pounds lighter since the conception of Cache' Connections.
Now admittedly Kim and I don't have the level of struggles with weight that some do, but things can get out of hand if we don't maintain our routines and constantly exercise self-control.
So here are a few things we've learned and are putting into practice:
1. Find healthy alternatives to your fattening favorites. Trade chips for baby carrots and nuts, fat-free yogurt and fresh fruit for Blizzards, grilled foods for fried ones. It can be done! Save those chips and sweets for special occasions, perhaps on the weekends. Then, eat in moderation!
2. Trade your 2% to 1% or skim milk, pop and mochaccinos for iced tea, green tea, clear coffee or, heaven forbid - Water! (It can be done. I admit I was addicted to Pepsi - one a day. It was a grueling process but I got over the daily need for fizz. Now it's a treat.) Save money and calories on this one.
3. Salad for lunch! Who can't use more vegetables and fiber in their diet? You WILL survive until dinner. Grill some chicken on your George Foreman grill for the protein factor. Use light dressing and grab a healthy snack for mid-day. You know what they are :)
4. Consider eating 4 or 5 small meals instead of 2 or 3 large ones. Keep that metabolism working in your favor.
5. Move! I know you are busy. About that hour? Think about this: can you give yourself 20 minutes before work, maybe take a walk at lunch or your break, and then do something before getting on the computer? The options are endless.
6. The scale. Go ahead and step on it every day if you are trying to maintain. It gives you a daily reading of your progress and it's a lot easier to lose 1 or 2 pounds than 10 or 20 that you discover after dusting it off! For some, a weekly check-in may be more appropriate.
7. Do cardio work as well as weight training. This is a winning combination for overall fitness! But - the study I referred to earlier revealed that they key to losing weight is mostly about your food intake. So don't eat all out and rely on your workouts to counteract your unhealthy eating choices. Also, women who are over 40 need to do weight-bearing exercises to prevent osteopor0sis.
8. Grab a friend! Walking and catching up with a gal pal is one of my life's little pleasures. What a stress reliever! Find a friend who can partner with you and hold you accountable on your eating and exercise routines. I like to say that I once helped a friend lose almost 100 pounds. She hated me at first ... I would drag her out to the track and she even had to skip some laps while I skipped around without her. She confessed this was the last thing she wanted to be doing. But I kept her going! It took a year, but she did it, eventually no skipped laps! This is the hope for you who have more to lose. If you are committed, I believe you will find the formula and can make it work! Again - it comes down to the power of the mind and will.
Romans 12: 1-2 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Hmmm ... could we even say that taking care of our bodies is part of our worship?
Monday, April 5, 2010
After speaking with George, our Mentoring Contest winner, he made it very clear that he is very pleased with the services and the results. Here's what he had to say:
Kim and Linda,
Thank you so much for the mentoring. You ladies are very thorough with all the services you provide with this program. You helped me big time with my biography. And the strong suggestion to get new pictures was spot on.
I really appreciated the way you listened to me about my likes and dislikes about my connections. Also, after speaking together, I feel I was able to “broaden my horizons” and look at my connections from a wider perspective.
And wow, did I learn a lot from your suggestions on how to communicate with my connections!
The best part of all is that Kim and Linda made personal phone calls to ladies that could be good connections for me!
It’s great that I have gotten closer to finding my special someone in just two weeks of mentoring than I have in the entire year I have been on the website. So far, I have been connected with three ladies who I look forward to getting to know better.
Dating is very different now as it compares with 25 years ago and for the small price you charge for this service it is an outstanding value and you both put a lot of time, effort and HEART into it.
Thank you once again and I do thoroughly recommend this for singles, as one definitely will get outstanding help and value with navigating this site.
For more information about our Mentoring Services, check it out at http://www.cacheconnections.com/mentor.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Our first national conference went off without a hitch. The Cache' Connections Disney Getaway took place on February 26 and 27th at the Doubletree Guest Suites at Downtown Disney. Approximately 80 singles and singles leaders came together from various states to hear the wisdom and encouragement of Dr. David Lorenz (First Baptist Orlando) on Friday night and Drs. Tom and Bev Rodgers on Saturday. Saturday afternoon was packed with workshops not only for the singles, but for the leaders. We were thrilled to be able to bring together singles leaders for networking and to learn from each other. The feedback has been tremendous, and we look forward to returning to Florida in October (if not sooner!) where we will have Cache' Connections Live! at First Baptist Church of Naples, featuring Drs. Tom and Bev Rodgers again.
Once again, we booked several smaller social gatherings in local cities for Christian singles. We've heard the singles' cries and therefore have adapted the popular Cache' Quick Introductions into a more affordable, casual setting. We call them Cache' Coffee Connections, and they took place in coffee shops in 6 different cities during the third week of March. The Barrington, Illinois event was packed with 44 singles, and surprisingly, the Peoria event came in 2nd place with 35 singles. Connection cards were flying at both events, where everyone left having made some new friends and feeling encouraged that they are not alone.
Speaking of connections ... wow! Things are happening at Cache' Connections! We attended a Cache' wedding in February and another one in March. Couples are connecting through the website and through events, and we've heard rumors of engagements in the Chicago and Peoria areas. If you have met someone special through our efforts, please let us know! We won't publicize it if you don't want us to - but we'd love to pray for you! Check out the Couples page.
We are so excited about our new program, Cache' Mentoring Services. Check it out here. We came up with this idea because too often we find that singles don't know how or where to start, and when they decide to do something, they don't know what to say and are often too quick to dismiss a connection possibility. We kicked off the program with a contest, and George from Batavia was the lucky recipient of our expert help for the past two weeks. George has really appreciated our help, especially how we've gone the extra mile to contact ladies he was interested in but whose subscriptions have expired. He's been busy meeting a new variety of ladies, online and over coffee.
Booked a year in advance, Cache' Connections Live! St. Charles is finally coming! On 4/23/10 we will be at Christ Community Church, where we will feature worship with Brian Hunt and hear from Dr. Bob Moeller on "Is This Mr./Ms. Right?" Tickets sales look promising so don't miss this opportunity to make some new acquaintances! Click here for details and to register.
We welcome our new members. Here are a few reminders:
- Please post your photos! First we need your headshot and bodyshot taken against a plain indoor wall or door, then we can approve 6 casual photos
- Consider widening your age and mileage ranges under My Account Settings to increase your connections
- Don't forget to read the blog and find Kim Whitaker and Linda Martin on Facebook; also join the Fan Page!
- Lastly, remember that all subscriptions will automatically renew unless you cancel under Billing Management.
Kim and Linda
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Today's blog comes from Dr. Charles Stanley. Both Kim and I subscribe to his Daily Devotions through In Touch Ministries ... always worth sharing!
There are five words that every believer should know and be able to explain. I have defined and discussed all of them many times in sermons and writings, but I am doing so again because they are so essential. Being confident in our beliefs is ever more important as cultures become bolder about persecuting Christians.
Jesus' shed blood redeems believers (1 Peter 1:18-19). This means that we are purchased from a life of slavery to sin. Furthermore, we receive forgiveness—the wrongs of our past, present, and future are totally washed away (Eph. 1:7-8). For the rest of eternity, God views His children through the "veil" of Christ's blood, which makes them pure and holy. Everyone who trusts in Jesus is declared no longer guilty (justified—Rom. 5:8-9) and brought into relationship with God (reconciled—Col. 1:19-22). This unalterable change in status from sinner to saint happens the moment a person receives Christ as Savior.
The final word, sanctified, describes the life-long maturing process that begins when a person trusts in the Savior (Heb. 13:12). A saint is set apart from the rest of humanity for the purpose of making him Christ-like. Through discipleship, testing, and teaching, God "drains out" our old self and pumps the life of Jesus into our heart and life.
These five words tell the story of our faith. Meditate upon the verses related to each one, and pray that God will write the meanings on your heart. When we're confident in our beliefs, we can be a light to others instead of crumbling at the threat of pain.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
I loved this scene from the movie "Jerry McGuire." And isn't it so true? If we can cooperate together, we can accomplish so much more by putting our heads together rather than trying to do things on our own. Ecclesiastes 4:9 tells us: Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work.
How can you help us help you, you ask? Well, take our advice! We've had the privilege of working with many friend and members over the past few years, and are beginning to build a path of success. We see what works, and what doesn't work so well when it comes to approaching the whole dating scene. And with the help of our experts, we're learning some valuable dating tips that we'd love to pass on to you.
For instance, I had a Facebook friend message me because he was so excited he had a "first date" lined up. He said he wanted to chat with me, barely able to contain his excitement. I assumed he wanted some advice, so here's what I told him:
1. Guard your heart. Don't get too excited! Keep expectations now, then you will not be disappointed.
2. Don't talk too much; concentrate on listening. Really listening.
3. Don't ask personal questions.
4. Coffee or lunch is great. If things go well, invite her for a walk :)
His follow-up question was, what is too personal?
Answer: Like where do you work, where you live, money questions. Oh, stay away from politics to be safe. Okay to discuss "religion," LOL. Don't let her feel she is being interviewed. Again, be interested, not interesting and you will have her wrapped around your finger.
Lastly, he asked about texting, as he was texting her at that moment. My advice: don't over-text! It can be dangerous!
Follow our blog, find Kim Whitaker, Linda Martin, and Cache' Connections on Facebook, read the expert articles, and join in the online chats to learn dating tidbits that just might change your path!
Oh - and come to the Cache' Connections events! We usually have a speaker on the topic of relationships. Even if we don't, such as our Coffee Connection events, you will get great practice interacting with the opposite gender.