Monday, April 19, 2010
Men are Visual. But did you know ...
Have you ever read "for women only" by Shauti Feldhahn? I would say it's a must-read for wives, but it lends great insight for singles, too, to understand men. One of the most shocking chapters, Chapter 6, titled "Keeper of the Visual Rolodex," really opened my eyes on how open men's eyes really are!
Men are visual. We've all heard that. But realizing how visual they really are blew me away! Shaunti starts out describing a scenario of a business conference in which a woman is first to make her presentation. She has a great figure and it shows well beneath her tasteful suit. She is friendly, but all business. So, what are the men thinking?
Here are some thoughts from Christian men who are serious about their faith - and the married ones devoted to their wives:
1. "Great body. Stop it! What am I thinking?"
2. "I check to see if she is wearing a wedding ring."
3. "I wonder if she finds me attractive."
4. "I feel an instant tightening in my gut."
5. "I bet she's using those curves to sell this deal."
6. "Look at her face, look at her face, look at her face."
7. "I have to be ruthless about pushing back these images - and they keep intruding."
8. "If I'm not careful, a few minutes later I might be wondering what she's like in bed."
Amazed and dismayed as Shaunti (and I) were? Through hundreds of personal interviews used as a basis for this book, Shaunti learned that this is normal. Here's the insight she gathered, which radically reshaped her understanding of men:
"Even happily married men are instinctively pulled to visually consume attractive women, and these images can be just as alluring whether they are live or recollected."
She goes on to describe the visual Rolodex of sensual images, gathered largely from the media, that are burned into men's brain.
There is much more to say on this chapter, but I will leave you with this thought. What are YOU doing to contribute to the Rolodex? It's time for women, especially Christian women, to help their brothers in Christ with this struggle. Remember, they do not invite these images into their brains, they are instantly injected through television, the internet, and, well, living on this earth. While having a healthy body is certainly something we all strive for, we must be careful how we may be displaying it. Those low-cut tops and dresses are certainly trendy, and you may think that men just find you "cute." But what you may not realize is that he is picturing you naked, whether he wants to or not.
Shaunti says, "It's natural to enjoy being noticed, but he doesn't want you there" (in his Rolodex.) Are you unwitting fodder for his Rolodex?