Thursday, July 21, 2011

Too soon to consider marriage?

Yesterday we received a very pleasant email from a Cache' Connections member who has been in an exclusive relationship with another member for about two months. They feel they have a very deep and special connection and he was asking how many Cache' Connections couples get married within the first year of meeting, as they have been touching on the topic of marriage lately.

Though we couldn't be more delighted for this couple, my answer, in short, was that yes, Cache' Couples do tend to marry sooner than the norm, but we still recommend dating for at least a full year before marriage. Here's what my Facebook friends offered for advice:

Lisa: most assuredly! being based on pleasing God and abiding in Him--puts them way ahead!!

Abby: My husband and I met at bible college in september, by november we were engaged and married in february. Our 30th anniversary is this coming february! : )

Dana: Sometime you know it when you knw it, but it is too soon. Its good to know, then verify too.

Markita: Sounds right on track to me! ;-)

Melissa: Good, wise advice I've heard: know the other person well for at least a year before engagement: watch them through every season, go through every holiday w them...observe and relate in many settings over the course of all 4 seasons. Many people's mood/behaviors change in winter for example. ( please don't ask if we followed this wise advice! I wish we had though :))

Dave: It should be a Looooooong engagement ... at least a year. I have seen relationships that were going VERY strong in 3 months and over in 6 to 7 months.

Lisa: oh woops, I misunderstood the quescheeYOAN!!! I agree with Dave, a year long engagement is a good place to start!

Debby: Yikes! Jim and I waited 18 months...but I'm slow and old (55). I know it's so hard to wait...a year is better in general I think. Two months? Not long enough to really know the other person in lots of different situations...but there are always exceptions. That would scare me if I were their mother! I was surprised to learn that the divorce rate on second marriages is HUGE! That rate gets higher and higher with each divorce...4th marriages is at about 95%! That would make me think hard before jumping in too soon...hence, the 18 months Jim and I waited!!

Mary: I think they should pray long and hard for God's guidance. I however do think they should have a longer engagement if they've only known each other 2 months. But ultimately they need to let God guide them!

Crystal: I concur with Mary and Melissa :)

Hmmm ... I only see one comment from the male sector. Anyone else care to add their opinion?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections


Anonymous said...

One can be so sure a relationship is right-even at two months, and be totally wrong. I would venture on the side of caution. I dated a man who seemed so right and found out he was seeing/writing other women on the side while he was telling me he was wanting to marry me. Yes, he was a Christian, and was very knowledgeable about the word of God. There was a disparity between Scripture knowledge and application.
Be willing to wait on God for direction and to have lots of different kinds of experiences together so you have a better understanding of each other.

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't ask someone I've known for only 2 months to house-sit my home, let alone grant them life-altering access to my person-hood.

Anonymous said...

I would totally agree with the above 2 comments. I was in a relationship with a Christian man for almost 2 years. For well over a year, I felt (and he did too) that we would be married. However, he turned out not to be the person he claimed to be. And, actually, in my perspective, turned out to be quite a phony. Very evasive and not forth coming on major issues. Yes, I should have known before then, but I kept praying it would work, because I would like to be married again...
Now, after we broke up, he started seeing someone 6 weeks later. I'm sure they've already discussed marriage. I'm concerned for her psychological welfare, because he had a huge negative emotional impact on me. Sorry, didn't mean to be so windy...I would definitely give it time..