A Poll for Men Only: Why aren't men pursuing?

A member and Facebook friend was sharing her frustrations with me the other day. She commented, "the struggle i am having is this...men are either moving way too fast or not at all. why aren't men pursuing?" So I decided to ask the guys only. Not surprisingly, some of the women chimed in:

Larry: sounds like some definitely are -- too fast. the ones who are not pursuing are likely not interested in this particular woman.

Jim: If a man is not pursuing he is not interested or she didn't show a interest in him.

Michael: Maybe the wrong men?

Cari: Maybe she needs to let them know if SHE'S interested....sometimes men have no clue if a girl is interested .... just sayn' And describe fast??? Too much pursuit...tooo many quesions too nosey about her life?? TELL HIM!!! again sometimes they just dont get women...its all about communication : )

Carey: I have been pursuing for a long time and get getting the door slammed in my face after a year so now I gonna play hard to get and see if that works! ;-) I think women want what they can't have!

Larry: a hint from the woman will pay dividends IF the man is interested in the woman. men can be reluctant to pursue if they are unsure of the women's interest.

Lorraine: that's not true carey of all women ... but i can see how you want to respond that way... Hmmmm.... i see your point though.

Larry: some women do like "bad boys." the selection process is intriguing and often flawed.

Carey: When you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done.... God won't send us ANYTHING if we aren't prepared and ready to receive it. Be pure, be clear, be ready.

Steven: Men are tired of women not behaving like a woman, they act like they are hiring manager, and find one thing they don't like they slam the door in your face, so men are setting back and letting the women come to them, men are tired of all the pressure women put on them, thank the women's lib for it. As for the ones going to fast, they aren't men they boys still who think they are players.

Carey: Beat me with the truth... don't torture me with lies. I respect people who are honest from the start, not cowards who hide behind lies and deceit. Just be up front and say Whoa dude you are coming on too strong or Whoa dude are you interested or not?

Cliff: Often depends on the temperament of the man and the woman. If a guy is introverted, he may like a woman, but naturally needs stronger verbal clues of potential interest. If the woman which the introvert likes is a wallflower herself, probably not a good match to begin with. Guys are visual, and if they are the quiet types, (ahhum like me), they introspectively judge whether a woman would be a good match for them, without even saying a word to the person they are looking at. Its obviously flawed, but some guys are living so deep in their own heads they get paralysis by analysis.

Carey: I'll gladly let my guard down when people stop giving me reasons to keep it up. I'm not afraid to love again, but i'm just afraid of getting hurt for the same reason. Thanks for the therapy Linda! LOL! Nite all! Shalom!

Roger: If you're hanging around people with shared interests, and I mean off line (not online), you're bound to stumble into an encounter that can turn romantic. It could involve a church, club, politics, hobbies, sports event, shopping, etc.

Obviously this is a hot topic that has several differing seeds of origin. The call for authenticity in dating is spelled out very clearly in Cache' Connections' DVD titled "Christian Dating Redefined," featuring Dr. Stephen W. Simpson. You can check it out here.

If this post does nothing else, I think it sends a message to men to go ahead and say hello and see what might happen. As we wrote in an email to Cache' Connections members yesterday, "Nothing happens until someone sends a message!" And by the way, both have license to do so :)

~ Linda
Cache' Connections