Sunday, June 12, 2011
Can you handle the truth?
I posted the following question on Facebook the other day after a great conversation I had with a mentoring client. I gingerly told him not to aim too high in the choices of his connections. I affirmed that he is a great guy, but there are certain members that "everyone" wants and although he's a great guy that has a lot to offer a lady, I felt he would be wasting his time and more than likely be ignored and/or disappointed. He was so grateful for my frank advice and said, "Now THAT'S the kind of thing I want you to tell me ... that's what my friends and family won't tell me. Tell me more stuff like that!"
Wow! Now it's not too often we hear feedback like that, but we love someone who is willing to listen and learn and make a few adjustments to increase their chances of success.
Question of the day: Would a single prefer be told the cold, hard truth (in love, of course) about their approach and how people perceive them, the type of person they are pursuing, and overall date-ability?
The responses were quite surprising:
Luci: I would rather hear the truth, we are a constant work in progress.
Walter: I have been "un-friended" for that type of comment, but if they pay for advice,they MIGHT listen.
Valerie: Yep, I want to hear the truth. That can help me become more and more the woman God wants me to be. If people don't "nicely" point out areas I need to work on?
Jolene: Odds are that if a person needs to hear this kind of truth, they aren't going to open to hearing it, but I think you should go for it. Someone needs to hold up the mirror, but prepare yourself because my experience in dealing with these types of people is that they typical respond in denial and anger. However, They have asked for help in finding a spouse so I think you should tell them the truth about why it's not working. Linda, there are valid reasons why some of these individuals are not married. I suspect that both Kim and yourself are discovering that it's not just lack of available, potential mates but some of these folks need to be in counseling to deal with their issues first. I'm praying for both of you....that God will give you courage, wisdom and boldness to be able to speak the truth in Love and that the individual with have receptive ears and an open heart to hear you!!\
(By the way we covet all prayers and seek God's wisdom daily for our decisions.)
Tom: Truth hurts sometimes. But if it is given in a kind way and taken as such, it can be a positive thing. Not sure how many times, that all aligns, to be able to happen though. I Agree with Walter, someone not so "close" would be a better person to do this. But if it is someone, in a love relationship, then trust should outweigh everything, and it should be a growing experience, like Luci and Valerie have said.
Jim: The truth will set you free.....
Sandy: How can you change if you don't realize what you are doing is wrong? Or off-putting to others?
Me: ... but who wants to change?
Tom: Those who care, change. But what people forget is that you cannot make someone else change, it has to come from within!
Dave: Bring it on. The truth is good, as long as it is spoken in love. It also doesn't hurt to point out some positives about the person, along with the negatives. Everyone has some of each. Also, if we are able to offer constructive criticism, we should also be willing to receive it ourselves, too.
Nila: That depends on the person. Some people just don't know how to handle information like that. While others would like for things to change but they don't want to make changes. They want people and things around them to change not themselves.
What do you think? Should Cache' Connections only use the "cold, hard truth" with mentoring clients? Blind date clients? ... plus anyone who dares to ask?