Tuesday, August 3, 2010

First date: kiss the girl?

In last night's chat, we discussed "The Casual First Date," which is Chapter 9 of Dr. Stephen W. Simpson's book, "What Women Wish You Knew About Dating." This book gives great practical advice for men on how to approach dating. There's a lot for women to glean as well.

We had a lively group and the comments were coming in fast and furious, so much so that it was hard for everyone to keep up! So I've decided to just blog the main points of the chapter, with a sprinkling of the additional comments from the chatters last night.

Dr. Steve says the first date should include a casual dinner or weekend lunch, followed by a walk and more talking. Coffee dates are only recommended for a very first personal meeting. If you've spent some time getting to know the girl prior to the date (as recommended), you don't just want to take her out for coffee. You have 3 goals: 1) get to know each other 2) have fun and 3) make a good first impression.

Here are some do's and don'ts for the first date:

Do ... above all else, be yourself. Authenticity is key!

Do ... take an extra shower, shave again, dress in nice casual clothes. No sweat pants or t-shirts that say "I'm with stupid." LOL

Do ... pick her up. This is touchy. We decided that the man should offer to pick up the girl, or meet her at a public place. If you pick her up, don't honk the horn.

Don't ... take her to the movies. No time to talk.

Do ... take charge of the date. Know which restaurant you will go to, have a back-up in case she doesn't like it; know how to get there and where to park, etc. Gas up and maybe wash the car - let her know you've taken care of the details so she can relax. (I love this!)

Do ... be a gentleman. Dr. Steve says "Trip over yourself and knock down doormen to open the door for her. ... She'll notice every polite gesture."

Don't ... be a jerk. Don't make fun of her or leave her alone except to visit the restroom.

Don't ... order dinner for her. Too soon.

Do ... pay for dinner and everything else. This brought up discussion. If a woman offers to pay, refuse first time. If she is insistent, let her pay a portion or the tip.

Do ... take her on a walk after dinner. Don't go to the mall or a secluded place.

Do ... walk her to the door if you picked her up. Tell her you had a good time and that you would like to see her again; ask if you can call her sometime next week.

Don't ... kiss her! Why? The reason Dr. Steve says not to kiss her is to a) heighten the anticipation for next time if she does want a kiss and b) save you from a black eye and embarrassment if she doesn't. In the chat we decided that kissing the hand was very romantic. There was also a lot of discussion on a hug, which frankly got confusing. There's something such as a fake hug which is a turn-off. So I'd recommend a slight touch on the arm, kiss on the hand, or even a warm soft (slightly clingy?) handshake.

Join us next Monday night at 8:00 pm CST as we discuss dealing with rejection - which is why you shouldn't have tried to kiss the girl!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

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