Is Chivalry Dead?

We had a good time in last night's chat in The Meeting Room at Cache' Connections. We were discussing nitty gritty annoying things that pertain to men such as manners, grooming and what not to wear from Dr. Stephen Simpson's book, "What Women Wish You Knew About Dating." Here are some of the comments:

Linda: Dr. Steve says being a man with a woman is kind of a pain. You have to be aware of the impression you are making. He always compares guys to men. Guys are less mature. I guess men would rather not have to bother with manners, spiffing up, but it is necessary. So here we go: Most annoying part first, he says. Grooming. Unfortunately for guys, women have a keen sense of good grooming. So here's a list of things she'll notice: bad breath, stained teeth, body odor, long or dirty fingernails, razor burns/bad shave, long nose hairs, other long hair growing on your head Where It Shouldn't Be. Any surprises here guys?

Guy: Nope. My platoon sergeant does that basic checklist everyday anyway.

Girl: Yeah, marines do have the grooming thing down...

Linda: So as to those grooming things, the antidote is self-explanatory so I won't expound. Next: Clothes. Ladies, do you think single guys need help here?

Marine guy: If it's not a suit, i could use advice.

Linda: Suggestions, ladies, for a first date?

Marine: Jeans and polos.]

Girl: It is a little hard to give advice on this. I guess start with something clean and unwrinkled. So many variables.

Linda: Dr. Steve gives a few essential regarding clothes starting with shoes.
Get something other than sneakers.

Girl: and no shoes with velcro....

Girl: lol! Do they still sell those?

Linda: Keep them clean and polished, make sure the leather matches your belt, leather jacket, etc.

Linda: Clothes: nice jeans and a collared shirt are fine. Might be able to get away with a funky t-shirt but I'd be careful with that.

Girl: I like a guy in a t-shirt...as long as its not an old dingy t-shirt.

Linda: Get a woman's advice on clothes!

Marine: As a guy who has worn many odd t-shirts, the hit-and-miss responses would keep me away from them on a first date.

Linda: If you're not sure whether to go hip or trendy, better to settle on classic. Can't go wrong. (And by classic we don't means red and white stripes/white and blue stars Lol.)

Marine: What constitutes 'classic?'

Linda: Something that always is in style. Nothing flashy. Solid or striped shirt.

Marine: So my mesh sleeveless shirt is a no go?

Girls: No go!

Girl: A men's department store representative can be of help, if needed...

Linda: Now onto Etiquette. Do guys know what etiquette is?

Marine: I'd like to say that I do, but you ladies might dispel that foolish notion shortly.

Linda: General manners. Let's start with doors. Dr. Steve says you should trip over yourself to open all doors, including the car. So make sure you are a few paces ahead when approaching a door. Walking first and holding the door for her doesn't cut it.

Marine: If we are walking together, why would I make a point of being a few paces ahead at any point?

Linda: You gotta pick up the pace when close to the door. Skip if you must!

Girl: I think it is more just pick up the stride as you approach the door - don't ever walk a few steps in front at any point - especially when we wear crazy shoes and need to walk slower.

Girl: A man has never pulled out a chair for me. Is that still being done these days?

Marine: I do.

Linda: Good for you! Dr. Steve says it's a bit archaic, but it will make an impression. Don't be first to sit down.

Marine: Thanks, my dad trained me well.

Linda: Now, take her coat, get her coat, hold her coat while she slips it on. Walking - complicated. When by street, walk on street side. In a movie or restaurant, let her walk slightly ahead of you. Exceptions: navigating thru a crowd - you can grab her hand. Go for crowded placed! lol

Girl: I'd feel like the guy was trying to check me out from behind. I'd rather he lead...

Linda: Not so far back that he can see That, (Girl). Here's a tough one. Don't talk with your mouth full.

Girl: I never help with this. I have horrible timing and always start to talk as soon as someone takes a bite.

Linda: That's something I've never tried to time. But the guy can put a finger to his mouth, smile a bit indicating he needs to chew/swallow.

Marine: Awkward speaking cadences tend to make things weird. Trying to time a comment or sentence will make you look just a little bit crazy after the third time.

All: agreed.

Linda: Let's wrap this up with the last part - authentic vs. blunt. Dr. Steve said he struggled for years on this one. Thought he was being fake if he dialed down his humor. Thought wasn't being "real." Apparently it caused him a lot of trouble. so.. it's important to censor your thoughts before they leave your lips. For instance, don't say: "Dave Matthews music makes me want to vomit and wretch." Instead, say "I'm not a big Dave Matthews fan." Save the wretching for the Guys.

Linda: Any other examples my friends?

Marine: On the topic of humor, I am a sarcastic guy, thoughts on sarcasm ladies?

Linda: I'd be careful with that. Give her time to get to know you.

Girl: Reserve the sarcasm at least until you both know each other much better.

We ended the chat discussing men plucking nose hairs, but I digress. Join the fun - everyone is welcome, even if you are married! We'll be discussing Dr. Stephen Simpson's book on Mondays all summer. And Dr. Steve himself will be leading the chat on 7/18!

Here's to chivalry!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections