Recently we received an inquiry from a female member who is a bit confused about a certain connection she has with another Cache' Connections members. They've exchanged friendly messages on the website for two or three weeks, but they don't seem to be getting anywhere. This is a common occurrence, so we thought we'd share our advice to "Confused."
Dear Confused,
It seems that if a guy is interested, he will let you know by being more regular in his emails and also give you some idea he is interested by what he says. Although sometimes people are not sure what they want and keep the door open just in case they're wrong. My assumption is this is the case with ____. Since you seem pretty stumped with him and desire an answer or closure, it might be time to ask him where he stands .... maybe something like, "Do you see our relationship progressing in a romantic way or just remaining friends?" This would enable you to lay it down or go forward. My guess is that he's looking at it as more of a friendship, but see what he says.
Cache' Connections is all about intentional dating, which goes for both the men and the women. In a perfect world, all men would take a strong lead as warriors of we princesses, always saving the day and letting us know we are safe and secure in his loving care and pursuit of our hearts. (Dreamy, huh?) Unfortunately, this fallen world is far less than perfect. (Thank God for the hope of heaven!) So, due to mixed feelings, mixed matches, unrecognized scars of the heart and patterns of aimless behavior, confusion is inevitable when it comes to dating. However, there are steps we can take, and one of them is to have the boldness to step out and ask the direct questions so that you know where each of you stands in the relationship.
Another shameless plug but I can't help myself:
A lot of these questions are answered in the Christian Dating ... Redefined DVD produced by Cache' Connections. Dr. Stephen W. Simpson is an expert at relationships, especially dating. He frankly stated, "These are just things I wish someone would have told me when I was dating." Get your copy here and cast out the confusion!
~ Linda
Cache' Connections
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3 comments:
This is interesting and undoubtably common. I am a guy (I hope the question wasn't referring to me....!). I would say that either the guy doesn't know if he wants more than a friendship, or he is waiting to get some confirmation of how interested she is. In the beginning, neither party usually wants to appear too eager unless they know that the other party is really interested. Part of the problem, too, could be that he has other women that he is corresponding with and doesn't know who he likes the best, or he is waiting to see what one of the others does first before he decides about the woman with the question. On-line dating is a challenge; we don't have the body language and other clues about how interested someone is. I agree with Linda's suggestion, but it does have the risk of scaring him off.
I think that most on-line connections should start out as friendships because you really don't know the other person, unless there is a very strong attraction by both persons from the start. Instead of asking whether he is interested in a romantic relationship or a friendship, maybe she could ask whether he would like to talk on the phone and/or meet for coffee. If he declines, he isn't really interested in seeing where things might go, at least for the present.
Duh! I meant to mention the phone call suggestion and Anon No. 1, you make valid points too. Thanks for the help! The sooner you can get to the phone or in person, the better. Otherwise it could be a lot of wasted time and hopes squashed.
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