Friday, January 21, 2011

Is Singleness an Epidemic?

We've been contacting a lot of single pastors and leaders, inviting them to take a look at our new DVD titled Christian Dating ... Redefined. One pastor replied that he felt our philosophies were too different to consider a partnership, and therefore didn't want to waste our time or resources. We had spoken with him a time or two in the past, and apparently used the word "epidemic," when in fact we should have used the word "phenomenon." With the singles population at its peak of 50%, it's something!

Here's what he had to say: ... we actually think that singleness is a completely legitimate way of life and that there is a really strong biblical position to be made out of some Paul’s teachings that make it equal to marriage in the NT. That being said, we want to be careful to walk this really fine line where we siphon out our own cultural bias that pulls us towards marriage from the single life. It feels like Cache sees marriage as the preferred Christian life. I am all for marriage and we are certainly addressing a host of reasons in our singles for singleness that are far from Gospel centered. But, that being said I would be remiss to replace that kind of thinking with another form of thinking that also seems a bit off.

Here's our reply: Thanks for the candid response. We certainly would agree that some people are gifted with singleness and are completely comfortable and satisfied in that role, and can be more focused in their service to the kingdom. However, we have found that, by and large, the majority of singles recognize that desire that God planted in their heart to have a mate. It is of utmost importance to Cache' Connections that singles be grounded in their walk with Christ first and foremost "and then all these things shall be added unto" them. This is substantiated in the DVD with the chapter titled "Get a Life Before You Get a Date." All of that being said, we don't wish to get into an argument about our philosophies, as we are pretty close, after all ...

What do you think? Epidemic or phenomenon? Or neither?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections


Anonymous said...

Wow, that is an interesting response from that pastor. I'll bet that he is married, so he doesn't really get it.

Singleness is a gift, but most people don't have that gift. Paul exhorts us to be content in all circumstances, and we should strive for that, but we can still have a desire in our heart to find a mate.

I would call singleness today a phenomenon, but it is in large part due to the high divorce rate. Most people will still be married at some point in their lives. There are certainly legitimate Biblical grounds for divorce, but our society also promotes divorce as an easy way out when problems arise in a marriage.

I would hope that church leaders would encourage their single members to follow their hearts and their convictions and promote dating and marriage amongst believers, if that is what both parties are looking for. What better place is there to meet a fellow believer than at church?

Anonymous said...

its both to me.. and i dont agree with the man from the church as he is married ? im sure... whatever the case may be.. as a single woman not of my own choice but forced into this situation.. i dont want to remain single i want to do all the things God has planned for me to do with a partner in a Loving God filled relationship.( marriage ) its getting harder and harder to live the christian way of life in this area.. so many expectations and so many who are not willing to make the commitment to marry again out of fear of being hurt finding and it seems many think its just easier to have relationships without the commitment the marital vows are losing power in society people dont find a need to them anymore.. esp in the second half of life.. when your not having children together which is the number on reason for getting married in the first place.. people are afraid of getting burned in my opinion men or super deep thinkers and want the company of woman but not the total package of doing it right in Gods eyes.. men wont marry a woman who they have not slept with... they are afraid she wont be good in bed and they want to make sure that is nailed down first. so what is a woman to do ?? very frustrated and the thought of keep putting myself out there is draining. so we may stay single not for noble reasons at all... the biblical talk is all good and all that... sounds really good on the ears... but when the rubber met the road kinda thing then lets talk real life ... whats really going on out there.. everyone wants to sound so spiritual and wise... but when they walk in our shoes then they can comment on if were better off serving the Lord alone.

Anonymous said...

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Cor: 8-9)

That pastor seems to be putting too much emphasis on the first part of this scripture, which is Paul’s opinion. Paul had the gift of singleness, and that’s fine, and not everyone is interested in or suited for marriage, but pastors should leave that up to the individuals.

Anonymous said...

Comment about anonymous L.'s post: Maybe she is meeting the wrong men - We all have our faults, and the sex drive is strong, but are these men real Christians, or are they posers? All men are not afraid of commitment or insist on sleeping with a woman before marriage.

Anonymous said...

From a broader viewpoint:

It will be a sad day in America when believers wake up from the
"singleness is a gift" dream to find that homosexual "marriages" outnumber those of man and woman.

Churches had better wake up and smell the coffee. Don't dismiss us with a knee-jerk "gift" answer when we really desire to be married!