Thursday, January 27, 2011

Is my buddy aiming too high?

Yesterday's opinion poll on Facebook caused quite a stir. A friend was asking my advice on how to advise his male friend. "There is this guy that I know that says he wants a certain woman. I say fine, go talk to her. (she is way, way out of his league) Should I save him some time and heartache and tell him he better lose weight, etc. before thinking of a woman like this?" I decided to take it to the streets - and about got run over! Here are some of the many responses:

In your minds eye, she may be out of his league. But you do not know who she really is. She may actually be looking for him.

I will say that I have spoken to some 9's and 10's who frankly want to say ... "really?" having been approached by such gents.

Who knows, maybe God wants them to be together? Who are we to decide which league He wants to form?

Of course, and visa versa. But then there's always those couples that you don't picture together, but they're together anyway!

He would probably spare his friend some rejection if he told him to get himself together first. I think that guys should take care of themselves if they expect women to take care of themselves. Of course, there are some women for whom wealth and/or fame are the key attractions.

Its not what is on the outside it is the heart that should matter and the love of God seen through that person.

Yes!!! Men seem to have better ego's then us women..but often warped! This is what I say, "If you want Good, YA better B Good!" In shape, straight teeth and in style pants!!! Just to start..Lol

This thread is a little disheartening....9's and 10's according to who?? Maybe this friend can't lose weight. So this guy's friend says she is out of his league...who is he to say?? I may not be considered a 10 by many people, but gee whiz, God thinks I am perfect. This whole thing just hit me the wrong way. Thank you to those who say that beauty is inside.

I don't know Linda, having been in this position too, this is a hard call. I say go ahead let him talk to her, if he comes back rebuffed, and if feeling rejected; well then remind him she didn't reject him as a person, she rejected the opportunity of getting to experience the "beauty" of him. Then gently see what he thinks may be the reason, using his thoughts, you could guide him into realizing that there may b things, he needs to change. You could also ask the friend what he would want someone to do if it were him.

There are also the men who will say, "I hope my wife is like Paula White or Beth Moore, I bet there are those even in and around Cache-Connections, who hope that their wives will be like Kim and you. To them I always remind: yes but are you willing to invest the time and effort their spouses did to end up w/ the "package" you see now? And vice versa.

Part of setting people up should include a make over session or advice as your package deal!

I wouldn't want to marry a "9 or 10" if SHE thought SHE was. That's pretty egotistical of the girls who would say "really?" As if she's Miss America or Christy B. I'm flattered anytime someone thinks Im nice-that doesn't mean I have to date everyone of them though does it? LoL ‎(but on the other hand..I dont want to settle for someone I think is a 6 0r 6...or even a 7 or my book I want to be with someone who is MY 10...and she will think I am HER 10)!

You might think x is out of y's league. and 9 times out of 10 you might be right. but that one time, you could be wrong. the woman might be more interested in the inside than the outside. be careful in giving advice.

Show me a guy who looks at a woman's heart first. . . I don't believe he exists.

I don't understand the "league" thing as Christians. To be IN CHRIST means there are no leagues, are there? I have dated and been in long term relationships in the past with what most would consider a 3 or 4 physically but a 9 or 10 when it comes to personality. This guy's friend is shallow and not really a friend to discourage him if he says this. I don't consider myself a 10 physically but hope my future wife is a 10 in her commitment to Christ, looks are irrelevant. If she is, I will see her true beauty. That's what hot is to me.

I have actually met someone online and got to know them- photos unseen. And I have met someone as idea what she looked like until we met.

Sometimes men look at a large gal and all they see is a large gal. What you may actually be seeing is the result of abuse. No one wants to take the time to get to know the large gal. I have never met a friend who was 'out of my league'. I am a friend to all, and will accept you where you are in your life. I believe that is what Christ does for us when we accept him.

...Men are visual we owe it to the guys to be the best darn thing that God planted upon his great earth! The enemy has the market on sex because we as Christian women fail to take the land and POSSESS it with our beauty!!! Time to burn the sweats, jump on treadmills and hit the salon girls and take our land back...O :

Lisa, maybe the best darn thing we can be is only a 5 by society's standards. and that sucks. It has nothing to do with a treadmill, nothing to do with "not taking care of yourself". It is about doing what we can with what God gave us and living to glorify Him. I am glad you have the money to hit the salon when you see fit, but I do what I can with what I have. I am saddened that girls are growing up in this society where looks mean everything.. you have to be a 9 or 10 or you won't be accepted. I struggled with my weight, I struggled with bulimia, I struggled with suicidal thoughts because of this pressure that society puts on women today. We owe it to guys???? NO. We owe it to ourselves to be the BEST WE CAN BE.

No, you really don't know how the woman will respond. You advised him to pursue what he desires, which is the only way he'll know--GREAT advice! Now about his weight, only he knows if he wants to lose weight, but he has to want to for himself. People who lose weight to simply get another's attention or approval will gain it back, thereby being somewhat deceptive to their partners who only know what they see when they meet you.

Our opinion? I'm not sure I'm that brave ... :) But I did read in a book written by a relationship expert that it's best if each party brings equal parts to the marriage, be they looks, earning potential, etc. This helps prevent feelings of insecurity from the one, for instance, who is not as good looking or does not earn as much money. Care to post your comments?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections


Dave said...

I heard someone speak at a church singles group last weekend who could probably relate to this. He is an engineer and talked about how he felt several years ago as a single. He was getting depressed and angry about his relationship status, but a co-worker decided to intervene and help him with something that he didn’t have a clue about. He was a smart, but self-described nerd with a pocket protector, “coke bottle glasses,” and no idea about how to dress himself. His co-worker, a woman engineer, took it upon herself to take him to a mall at lunchtime and outfit him with new glasses and a new wardrobe. Guess what? His social life improved immensely, he found that he had a talent for dancing, and he was a whole lot happier. I don’t believe that he has found his match yet, but he is a whole lot more positive about things.

Stan said...

A singles pastor once told me that someone was out of my league. O.K. she is a talented Christian singer, probably wealthy, and very pretty. But i believed that if you asked God for the desires or your heart, He would give it.(Psalm 37:4). That God is able to give exceeding abundantly beyond all that we could ask or think.(Eph.3:20).

Anonymous said...

Establishing and maintaining one's BEST self-image is a life-long process. Some excel at it; some don't. Some obsess over it; some couldn't care less. Finding balance is the key to putting your best foot forward.

Regardless of where you stand, and regardless of what you personally like and don't like, we are ALL a work in progress in one shape or another.