Monday, February 1, 2010
Members had another great chat with Expert Emily last night. The focus of conversation was centered around a member who has difficulty with keeping a girl's interest after the first date. Here's a portion of the transcript:
member: i have a question on how to get away from a virtual relationship into a real world relationship
expertemily: Hmmmm....tell me more.
member: kinda like "you got mail"
expertemily: this member is asking how you can get from a virtual world to a real world realtionship
expertemily Tell me more. Have you been stuck in the online dialogue with potentials w/o ever going out in person?
member: I have made the connection online and know all the right things to say, but when it comes to the real world is always a no go
expertemily: They say no or you say no? Or do you get to the point to where you ask her out?
member: they said no after we met
expertemily: Ok, great place to start ..... let's focus on the date and look at how I can help you make that first date an opportunity to have future dates.
So, online your ok to talk but outside of that your speechless
expertemily: Ok, so the girls say that they are speechless or you are?
member: i am
expertemily: Well, even though they are not going out with you again, at least they are giving you feedback. This is wonderful material for you to learn and grow from. They are saying that you are speechless, is that mean that they say you are too quiet?
member: i just don't know the right things to say
expertemily: No problem....stick with me and I'll help you out with this... First, let's look at why don't talk..... Do you feel intimidated, scared, unsure? If so, let's look at that first before giving yourself a "script" It is very important to look at why you are being quite before you force yourself to talk
expertemily: Once you are aware, you can accept it and know that this is something to be mindful of. You can give yourself a pep talk. "I'm feeling very confused about the situation and I'm not sure if I feel comfortable yet. That's ok though. I will do my best to show her the best that there is about me in... Anyway, once you don't "stuff" it by addressing your feeling scared, unsure, etc. You can decide how to procede
expertemily: Next, let's look at giving you an outline...so no matter who you are with, you can learn about the other person and also about yourself.
expertemily: I want you to ask her a question and then you talk....back and forth like a game of tennis. You cannot ask her another question without saying something about yourself...that is the rule!
member: oh i ask questions its just seems to be the wrong questions
expertemily: We will start off very light with subject matter like the weather, work, movies, music. This is for "member" but also for everyone else....read it several times.....do Not Talk In Detail About Past Relationships On The First Date!!!!
Thanks Emily for helping out this member with his dating dilemma! If you are a current member and need some help, don't hesitate to join in our next chat with one of our experts. All upcoming chats can be found under Scheduled Events