Monday, February 22, 2010
Last night's expert-led chat
Expert Emily had some great advice last night... see below for some great questions on dating that many wonder about, but don't know who to ask.
expertemily: Feel free to shoot me any of your questions one at a time...fire away!
member1: Ok here's my question. There is a man in my yoga class that thinks I am funny. He always asks my advice for a maid or yard person, etc. I would like to be asked out but I don't want to quit my yoga class if it doesn't work out.
expertemily: Great place to start! You can suggest that you guys go out and grab coffee or something after a class...that is a really subtle way to let him know you are interested while not going overboard
expertemily: You can say, "I really have liked talking in class and would love to hang out outside of class sometime. I love coffee and like getting it after our class so I'd love for you to come with me afterwards sometime"
member1: Good idea. After all it's unusual to find a guy that does yoga. He's a doctor too.
expertemily: It is super subtle so it is a fun way to get to hang out with him without any pressure!
expertemily: Does that sound good to you?
member1: Is there a way to tell if he likes me other than the fact he thinks I am funny. Some of the stuff isn't funny. I can't pronounce a lot of the yoga poses.
expertemily: Nope, you can't tell unless you can mindread so just getting to know him outside the class would be a fun way to find out if he is/isn't interested
member1: I used to go to networking mixers. Now I am retired, I don't quit know where to go to meet guys.
expertemily: Wherever you like to be...if that is yoga, pottery class, church, etc. I suggest that you meet someone in a place/activity that you do on a regular basis. At a networking event, you have the pressure of putting your best foot forward in only an hour or so....
expertemily: However, if you have a constant contact with someone through a weekly activity, they get to know you (and vice versa) on a deeper level over time
member1: I had the elevator speech for my job. It's doesn't work well no me as retired. My last job was as a caregiver to my 96 year old aunt who died Jun 25,2009. I miss her dearly. Telling folks that puts an immediate damper on things.
expertemily: Well, let's look at how you can say that in another way...."the last job I had was caring for my aunt. I really liked pouring into others and caring for their various needs" (you can leave out the more personal stuff since they are strangers and don't need to know that info)
expertemily: If you were to say what I typed above, I think that this communicates to someone that you are a caring person who loves to help others...a great attribute!
member1: I've been watching Millionaire matchmaker. All the men talk a good game but end up with the sweet young things in the mixer. (no matter what their age)
expertemily: That is not a great show if you are looking for encouragement in the dating world. It shows a very secular mindset which is not what I sense you are about....god is bigger than the limitations you might see on that show for sure!
member2: I found a highschool acquaintance on Facebook and we were in band together.
member2: We exchanged a few emails and I'm wondering how to say let's get together without coming off like I want a date... Any suggestions?
expertemily: Great question member2! How about this...."i know that it has been quite a while since we last saw one another, so I'd love to grab coffee and catch up some. Let me know if you would be open to this..thanks!"
member2: Great idea! Thanks!
member3: How many dates should a man successfully complete before he attempts to hold a woman's hand or hug her? What are signs that she would, or would not accept these gestures of affection?
member2: Gr8 question, C3!
expertemily: Great question C3po! It varies for each person/couple. first off, how many dates have you gone on so far?
member2: Two, both very successful!
expertemily: Great...how about you look into holding hands first before kissing...that is a progressive thing that is just my suggestion. You can go to a movie and see if she is willing to hold hands or go on a walk. If she isn't willing to hold hands, then she probably won't be willing to kiss.
member2: C3, have you tried the subtle touch yet? Was she receptive?
member3: Subtle touch?
member2: Like a hand on her back as you usher her into a door, or the assistance with putting on her coat...
member3: Ok, I'll give those a try.
expertemily: Good thoughts member2!
member2: Groovy! Thanks, Ee! If she pulls away from the subtle touch, then you know not to 'go there'...
expertemily: any other questions?
member3: How long should you date before you do a "romantic" date?
expertemily: Can you explain a bit? What is the difference between the two?
member3: So far we have been hiking, picknicing, dining at casual places. When should you go to a dress up place, give her flower, that sort of thing?
expertemily: How about a nicer place first...you don't want to scare her by giving her tons of stuff up front like flowers, gifts, etc. I would just take her to a nicer place first and then go from there
expertemily: It is important for her to know that you put thought into it so go to a place she said she likes or something creative. You can then go to a movie and try out the holding hands option
member1: Put a flower and a card on her door knob inviting her out. Leave it for her to find.
expertemily Cute idea member1!:)
expertemily That is a nice gesture but it isn't over the top
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