What would you do?

A single friend of ours was asked out for a dinner date by a neighbor. This is someone she doesn't really know very well; she has no idea if he is a Christian or not. No references, no profile, no common friends, no experience working with him. So when he asked her out, she wasn't quite sure what to say. Does she bluntly ask him if he is a follower of Christ? Does she agree to go out with him and share about her faith over dinner?

This is a common occurrence that many singles run into - at the ballpark, the pool, the grocery store, maybe even at church. After all, sitting in church doesn't make you a Christian, just like sitting in a garage doesn't make you a car, as Joyce Meyer says.

Our friend agreed to go out on a date. In thinking what our experts would suggest, perhaps a coffee date or walk would be more appropriate, giving them a chance to get to know some basics on each other before committing to a "real" date that involves more expense, time, and possible angst.

I know what Cloud and Townsend would say, and I think I know what Joshua Harris would recommend, but what do you do in similar circumstances?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

New Recommended Read: Head Over Heels

Head Over Heels, How to Fall in Love and Land On Your Feet, recently written by Dr. James Dobson, offers a practical guide to love - clearly defining what it is and what it isn't. This would be a great read for couples who are considering marriage, those newly married, and those married for some time who want to deepen their understanding of love and strengthen their marriage. Dr. Dobson is an American evangelical Christian author, psychologist, and founder in 1977 of Focus on the Family, and current President of Family Talk.

While we have not yet read the book, Dr. Dobson has such a great history of writing practical books on Christian parenting and relationships, this one also has to be a winner. And since pre-marriage books are few and far between, we are thrilled to see this is now available.

Here's a description:
Dr. Dobson wants those who are looking for love to understand the myths vs. the reality of emotions. Head Over Heels includes a one-of-a-kind "What Do You Believe About Love? Quiz" to help readers separate fact from fiction. With gentle frankness, engaging and personal stories and biblical relevance, he discusses the joy and beauty of sex in marriage and the destruction and heartbreak that sex outside of marriage inevitably brings to hearts, minds, and bodies. There is also an easy-to-use discussion guide section with questions and Scripture references for personal or group study. Do you want insight on how Dr. James and Mrs. Shirley Dobson's marriage has continued to thrive after more than 50 years - despite life's ups and downs? Don't miss Dr. Dobson's heart-warming letter to his beloved wife, Shirley.

And here's a quote on the topic of love at first sight:
"Real love, in contrast to popular notions, is an expression of the deepest appreciation for another person; it is an intense awareness of his or her needs and longings for the past, present and future. It is unselfish and giving and caring. And believe me, these are not attitudes one "falls" into at first sight, as though tumbling into a ditch."

You can get your copy for the suggested donation of $15 by calling Family Talk at 877-732-6825 or by ordering online at familytalk.org.

Blessings,
Linda
Cache' Connections

CC's Largest Speed Dating Event Ever!

What do you do when you plan on 45 people to participate in speed dating, then approximately 45 additional people walk in and want to play? PUNT!

That's what happened Friday night at the Cache' Connections Christian Dating Redefined Conference and Expo in Barrington Hills. True to their nature, many singles did not register for the speed dating event that was added later in the planning phases, although the web page and each of the four emails sent last week asked people to pre-register. It turned out that literally everyone wanted to participate, much to our surprise. So while I was busy emceeing the stage time, Kim was frantically configuring the speed dating. After hearing Dr. Simpson talk about the importance of being authentic in dating, I told the guests, "I'm going to be authentic with you. Because many of you didn't pre-register for speed dating, we're short on waivers, connection cards, and tables. But we have decided to work everyone in the best we can, so that everyone can play!"

So we scrounged up some 3 x 5 cards for connection cards and started placing people into groups. It turned out to be pretty casual as we rounded up all the guests in the middle of the expo area and had them stand around tall tables for the introductions - no time to sit down and stand up!

There were some experienced CC speed daters, along with some first-timers. Here are a few comments we heard from the guests who braved Friday night's speed dating activity:

"It was a lot of fun ~ you should think about having these more often! :)"

"It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be."

"I thought I'd give it a shot since everyone else is."

Despite a few bumps, the event was a huge success. The guests enjoyed visiting the vendors and signing up for prizes and engaging in games such as "most kissable lips contest" and a yo-yo contest. There were proper oooohh's, aaahhhh's, nods and chuckles during the showing of the Christian Dating Redefined DVD, and guests were very encouraged when Cache' Couple Lisa and Les gave a short talk about how they connected through the website and are now in an intentional dating relationship. Thanks Lisa and Les for braving this challenge! Your simple story really did encourage some members and future members.

What's most exciting about these events is actually rather subtle ... it's the small groups of people who continue to stand around and chat while we are packing up. They can't quite bare to leave and maybe haven't gotten up the nerve to make plans or exchange contact information. Sometimes we see a new duo walking out together :) We pray for possible connections, and congratulate all the new comers for stepping out to the "unknown." You survived!

Have a great week!

~Linda
Cache' Connections
(photo is not actually from this event)

Dating as a Single Parent

Today's blog is from the Crosswalk.com Singles blog, authored by Cliff Young & Laura MacCorkle. Dating as a single is a common, yet complex issue. Single moms and dad would be wise to take the following advice:

QUESTION: As a single parent, is it better to seek out partners who have children or those without? And how long should I wait until introducing them to my children, even if they seem like "the one" and are eager to meet them?

HE SAID: I cannot answer from the standpoint of a single parent, since I don’t have children, but I have dated single moms and have learned from friends who are.

Whether to seek out a partner who has children or one without is dependent upon you and the one you meet. Nowadays, it’s easy to place people in categories (i.e. Single parent, Single, Divorced, 40’s, etc.) and generalize. Oftentimes, when we actually get to know a person we find out they are quite different from the characterization we have placed on them.

The same goes for single parents. To seek out another single parent believing that person would better understand your situation or have the “qualifications” of being a parent may be true, but it may not be for that person you meet.

In the same way, to write off all singles without children because they can’t know what it’s like to raise a child alone may be a correct assumption; however, that person may have grown up in a single parent family and knows it from another side.

I would encourage you (and all singles) to be open-minded about whom you meet, and allow God to make the determination of what is “best” in your case. In other words, don’t limit your prospects.

Determining when to introduce your prospective mate to your children is a very important decision to make as a single parent.

At the outset of the relationship, when you are just casually dating, there is no need for them to meet each other. Your date should know you have children and your children, should they ask, only needs to know you are going out with a friend, which is the truth.

Until you are in a committed relationship, you should refrain from allowing a connection to begin between that person and your child. Doing so would only add more confusion and disruption to an already difficult childhood, especially if things don’t work out.

When both of you see your relationship leading toward a serious commitment, that is the time to introduce each other to one another, as well as have dates collectively and alone. Those outings with your children would be best if geared more toward them rather than yourselves (i.e. a park or zoo date instead of a romantic quiet dinner).

It is imperative to ensure all of you are compatible and for your prospective mate to experience your children in as many “normal” situations as possible prior to marriage. It’s also important to allow ample time for your children to acclimate to the idea they may have a new “parent” and is something that shouldn’t be rushed into. That person must be right for you and for your children.

Along those lines, to singles who are dating or may be dating a single parent, please keep in mind and encourage your date to place “parenthood” first and “single” second. A single parent may want to put more emphasis on their “new” relationship rather than on their child’s. Don’t pressure them into doing so nor allow them to. They are a parent first.

In addition, don’t seek to start a relationship with the children until you are absolutely willing to follow through with a commitment to their parent in the location which is most conducive to the children. In many instances, children are moved away from the other involved biological parent based solely on the desires of the couple without much consideration given for the children.

For all singles, a dating relationship with a single parent is not the same as two singles and a conscious effort must be made to minimize any negative effects on the children involved.


SHE SAID: Since I’m not a parent, I have no idea what it must be like to decide how to go about dating when you’re single with children. I’m sure you’re struggling with wanting to do the right thing for your children, but also desirous of a relationship with someone which could hopefully lead to marriage.

So I think this situation requires first doing some interior work. I’m assuming that you are ready to start dating at this point. And that means you have had the time you need to heal from your prior relationship (with the other parent of your children). You have taken the time to process what you’ve learned from that experience and have been able to see where you need to make changes going forward—both in yourself and in what you’re looking for in someone to date.

I believe that each relationship is allowed by God in our lives to grow us—whether they be painful experiences or not. And I’ve had both, as I’m sure you have had as well. While it still hurts to look back at the ones that didn’t end well, I know that I must inspect these areas of my relationship history (some of them I would consider wounds that have not fully healed) in order to better understand myself and why I made the relationship decisions and/or mistakes that I did. CLICK HERE to read the rest of Laura's advice.

To connect with Christian singles like yourself, check out Cache' Connections!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

How to detect a "cheater" from Expert Emily's chat

One of our favorite relationship experts, "Expert Emily" Shupert from Atlanta, GA is back from a summer break, leading a monthly chat at Cache' Connections. Here are some recaps of the chat held last night:

Emily: So glad to be back! Here to help you with your dating questions :)

Chatter: I am not sure why I attract the wrong men. I sometimes wonder if their is something subconsciously that I do that attracts men who are prone to cheating, etc.. Is their a "type" of women that cheaters prefer and I don't realize it?

Emily: I'm so sorry to hear this miranda! That sounds so painful. Let's look at the patterns in your dating to see what might be going on. First, how do you get to know the dates...where do you meet them? Do you meet their friends? Are their friends quality in their character and share the same beliefs?

Chatter: Most of them I have met through work or work friends.

Emily: Do they share the same values as you? Ispeaking of the friends as well as the dates)

Chatter: I believe my work friends do and even the cheaters have the same values (minus the cheating value).

Emily: Ok, so I often look at the big picture. If someone lives with integrity, they Must have community of strong believers doing life with them on a consistent basis. These are friends who keep them accountable, ask the hard questions, and offer counsel. Many times people do things such as cheating when they are living in isolation...not social isolation but community isolation. They don't have older, wiser mentors, godly counsel, or Christian brothers and sisters encouraging them to build character and act with integrity. I often encourage folks to have at least 3 "board members" in their life who know (collectively) where they are spiritually, emotionally, financially, etc. This allows individuals to bounce ideas off their community and make sure that they are moving forward in strength and character versus living in isolation where they can often rationalize Anything! I also make sure that these individuals live transparent lives...where what they say and what they do match up 100%. This requires time to see if the guy or girl is really who they say they are. Truth and time walk hand in hand so it's important to see if they are living out their lives in integrity like they say they are.

This also means that as a date, you pace the relationship so that you can see the character (actions) and the words match up. A lot of people jump into a relationship from zero to 100% in intensity and find out that the person they thought they were dating isn't really the person they are dating. Miranda, there are several psychological reasons for why people cheat but I couldn't say for each person unless I met with them, knew them, and was working with the full picture. However, we can see the themes that are present or lacking in these situations so that you are making wise choices. Second question....how intense are your relationships with these guys and how quickly do you get serious in the relationship?

Chatter: The first cheater, I have to admit, I made that relationship super intense early on and was naive about believing lies. The second cheater, I'm not really sure what happened there.

Emily: How long were you dating and how serious did it get in the first 3 months?

Chatter: The first one, I look back and I don't think we were dating. He never took me anywhere in public. That lasted for about a year, until one of his many girlfriends sent me an email. The second one, we were together over 3 years.

Emily: Ok, that is a great example...the fact that the dating was done in isolation...kind of shady. I think that meeting a guy's family, friends, mentors, etc is crucial! You need to see how he treats others and who he really is outside of the date. How about the second guy?

Chatter: With the first one I know I was being naive, but I dismissed things because he introduced me to his children and we were always around his children. The second guy a few of his friends knew about me.

Emily: Did they say anything, did you hang out with them a lot in social situations?

Chatter: The friends never said anything, I found out through my own detective work.

Emily: I know that these are a lot of questions, but sometimes helps to know all the facts in order to find the common denominators. Ok, so they didn't say anything....do you know if they knew?

Chatter: I'm pretty sure they knew.

Emily: were his friends people you respected?

Chatter: No, not really.

Emily: Ok, see...that is Huge!!!! There is a proverbs that says, "he who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm" You can tell who someone is by who they do life with. Even if he says he believes the same thing and has integrity, if his friends are not respectable, then you can just take that as a Big red flag. Hope this helps. I would also look at maybe dating people who are in your friend circle already, small group, cache, etc or somewhere where you are seeing folks who you can see are sharing similar values. The question about cheating hits on several levels...sometimes it's a certain type of date....sometimes even a "safe" type that individuals unconsciously seek out because they fear commitment. All to say, it's a bit more than we can look at 100% on chat but I'd encourage you to get some feedback as well from friends, guy friends, etc who can help see some of your dating "blind spots."

Mark your calendars for Expert Emily's next chat on Sunday night, October 2, 2011. CLICK HERE for access info!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

One week until the CDR Conference and Expo in Northern Chicagoland!

Next Friday, August 26th, singles in the northern Chicagoland area and beyond will gather for the "Christian Dating Redefined" Conference and Expo taking place at The Chapel in Barrington Hills.

"Christian Dating Redefined" is the title to the Cache' Connections DVD featuring Dr. Stephen W. Simpson, and it's also the message or movement that we are boldly taking across the country. It's time to end the confusion about Christian dating and embrace an approach that is biblically sound and packed with authenticity. Get ready to kiss the confusion and game playing goodbye! To view the trailer and order your own copy of the DVD, click here. We'll be viewing 3 chapters at the conference, and guests will enjoy the games, challenges and prizes offered by several vendors.

Interested in singles events in your area? Don't forget that the CDR Program is available for your church to embrace. Just contact us to discuss and get started!

Here are some other events coming up, including a chat tonight:

*Friday Nights
Open Chat ... for all Cache' Connections members
The Meeting Room
7:00 - 9:00 pm CST

*Sunday, 8/21 (this date has changed from 9/11)
Chat with Expert Emily
Topic: Boundaries in Dating
The Meeting Room
7:30 - 8:30 pm CST

*Friday, 8/26
Christian Dating Redefined Conference and Expo
The Chapel
Barrington Hills, IL

*Sunday, 8/28
Cache' Quick Introductions
Basta Mangiare
Peoria, IL

*Saturday, 9/17
Cache' Connections Dance Lessons
Fred Astaire Dance Studios
Hoffman Estates, IL

*Friday, 10/14
Cache' Connections Expo and Speed Dating
United Methodist Life Church
Moline, IL

CLICK HERE for details on all events and to register!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

"Don't write someone off" too quickly, says this happy member

We recently contacted one of our personalized clients who has been dating a Cache' Connections member that we suggested to her a few months ago. I was asking for an update, and she was happy to tell me their status and she also included some encouraging words for us, and for you. With her permission, here are her words. (The names have been removed to protect their privacy.)

Thanks for asking...yes, things have been going very well and ___ and I have been spending lots of time together and we are very serious about one another and have already been talking about a longer term future with one another and marriage. While we've been dating for close to 2 months, it has seemed like we have known each other longer. We connect on many levels including around our faith. Thanks for calling us to each other's attention because we may not have picked each other out left on our own entirely. We do want to take the time, of course, to prayerfully continue to get to know each other. It has been reassuring that our friends that know us well are supportive and approve of the match and we've met some of each other's closest friends in the area and have been attending each other's churches with each other and starting a weekly devotional time with each other (___'s idea--among the things I love about him!) Thanks for the prayers on our behalf individually and as a couple now!

Because of how you all with God's help have helped me to meet ___, I've been passing on information about Cache ... Despite the ultimate lack of success in previous attempts in my life to be proactive, I do feel it helped prepare me to be ready for the gift of ___ in my life and that I learned a great deal. I do encourage Christian singles, as God leads and helps them, to be open and to be proactive even if it means going a bit out of their comfort zone and risking in faith.

Perhaps in addition to what I've said already is that I started out with Cache ambivalent (and also tired and weary from previous proactivity and not sure what else to do and unable to afford or unwilling to afford personalized services and with low level of faith to want to invest in that) but willing to give it a shot for personalized services because it was a generous God-inspired gift from a friend AND for ___, I know you had conversation with him, because he was resigned that he might remain single but in conversation with him you asked him if he still thought about marriage and mentioned you didn't think God just had singleness in mind for him if he had thought about marriage.

Your having us consider each other when his profile didn't show up in my connections at first perhaps because of age cut off I set and calling attention to my profile with ___ really helped us get connected. I think I didn't have enough to go on in his profile with what he wrote and often photos don't fully capture a person...so I'd say for people to really give a chance to meeting people in person and to not just "write someone off" because of not enough info on what they wrote on profile, profile photos not being as attractive as you'd like or perhaps there being a little bit out of what one thought in terms of age range...

Well, couldn't have said it better myself! For more information on the Personalized Services or the Cache' Connections Mentoring Services, visit www.cacheconnections.com.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

How are Christian singles to view sex?

Well there's a week-starting topic! We came across an article titled "Sex Everywhere" written by Candice Watters of Focus on the Family's Boundless Webzine. Candice answers a single's inquiry about how we are to think about sex, since it is a huge part of our culture. Her advice is suitable for marrieds folks, too:

DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS

What is the proper, God-honoring way to think about sex? I'm not talking fantasizing. I mean more in the fact that it's everywhere, so it obviously is thought about. And of course with the goal of marriage, you think of your future and again it pops into your head.

REPLY

Thanks for writing and asking about what’s overly obvious in our culture — sex — where it’s both everything and nothing. It’s everything in the way it’s been held up as an idol to worship and nothing in the way it’s been pulled down to trivial entertainment. And it’s not just singles who struggle to know how to think about sex in that environment. All believers, single and married, face the dilemma. How do you think rightly about sex, and how do you avoid thinking wrongly about it, when it’s both overblown and undervalued?

As ubiquitous as sexual images and themes are in our culture, the most obvious occurrences are distant from what God had in mind when He created us male and female, and told us to be fruitful and multiply. His design for sex, as explained in Genesis and reinforced throughout the Scriptures, is the one-flesh union between husband and wife within the covenant of life-long marriage. That’s rarely reflected on TV and movies, music or books, magazines or websites.

The biggest problem is two-fold: It isn’t just that the sex we see all around us is contrary to and violates God’s design, but also that it can stir us up and tempt us to want to have it in that contrary way. And as you’ve wisely noticed, how we think about it has everything to do with how we end up acting on it; “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7).

How you think about sex while single will set patterns for how you think about it once married. That’s important because it’s just as sinful to think lustfully before marriage as it is after. The ability to have sex legitimately doesn’t eliminate the temptation to sin sexually. Developing the spiritual muscles of self-control, of guarding your thought-life, will be a tremendous blessing to your spouse and will help guard your marriage.

It’s not that you can’t think sexual thoughts about your spouse – on the contrary. It’s just that thinking sexually about a specific person to whom you’re joined by covenant is starkly different from the sorts of random, generic, hormonal thoughts that assault the mind during racy TV commercials and steamy romance movies and novels (not to mention pornography). The former takes you out of yourself for the benefit of the other. The latter is all about self-gratification.

So what to do about the assault of sex day-to-day: There’s a lot you can avoid by using media discernment, and that’s a powerful and empowering tool. (See www.pluggedin.com for more on this.) But like black birds that plague a farmer’s near-ripe crop, sexual images will swoop down at points unexpected and beyond your control. It’s in these moments that we’re dependent on the Holy Spirit’s promptings to look away, walk away, or in some cases – like Joseph with Potiphar’s wife – to run away. This pattern of flight flows from a heart that desires purity, to “be holy,” as God said, “because I am holy.” (1 Peter 1:16, Leviticus 11:44, 45; 19:2). CLICK HERE to read the rest of the article.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Abstinence outdated? Really? A member vents ...

We received this email recently from a Cache' Connections member:

Hi Kim & Linda,

I need to vent!

I can't believe that there are so many Christians out there that say they can not commit to abstinence or that its outdated and an unrealistic expectation. REALLY? Outdated? Unrealistic? Then I guess that means that Gods word is outdated and unrealistic! I find this to be very disheartening along with those men out there that let themselves go physically and then expect to find a women that is in good physical shape. REALLY? Now to me THAT'S UNREALISTIC! These guys need to wake up. A good Christian woman like myself wants a good Christian man that is committed to living a sanctified life.

Comments?

~Linda
Cache' Connections

Trouble Signing Up for Until Married for $64.95?

Many of you took advantage of the amazing special yesterday that was good only through midnight, but several people contacted us stating they had difficulty signing up. Yes, the offer is INCREDIBLE! Only $64.95 for the Until Married membership. That is one payment of $64.95 until you meet your special someone. We have NEVER had such a low price at Cache' Connections!

And since so many were unable to take advantage of the offer because of computer problems or difficulty processing the transaction, we are extending this offer until midnight tonight. As a reminder, here's how to sign up:

-New members- "Join Now" at www.cacheconnections.com and follow the sign up process
-Returning members: login to www.cacheconnections.com with your username and password
-fill in your billing information under "My Cache' Home" or "Billing Management"
-click "update billing profile" at the bottom of the screen
-click the orange letters under "Rebilling" that say " (continue to checkout - manually update subscription)"
-click on the Until Married subscription length
-enter the correct promo code: INCREDIBLE
-enter your ccv again
-click "process order" at the bottom of the page

Here's a few more tips:

*If you have forgotten your username - reply to this email and we'll be happy to help
*If you have forgotten your password, you can submit for a new one upon login or email us with the password you prefer and we reset it for you.
*If your credit card is declined, give us a call. Many banks and credit cards reject transactions from dating sites, but we can process your transaction securely, directly through the payment gateway.
*The offer is available to new or returning members

DO NOT HESITATE TO CALL THE NUMBER BELOW FOR ASSISTANCE! We're happy to help.

Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections
309-550-5580

About Dealmakers and Dealbreakers

Some Cache' Connections members struggle when it comes to writing out what we call "dealmakers" and "dealbreakers" on their bio. To define, a dealmaker would be a quality or circumstance that would be extra nice - like the icing on the cake. A dealbreaker would be something that you absolutely cannot tolerate. It's funny how some people draw a blank on these things, and others use one line item (out of 5 possible) to double or triple up.

Below I've given samples of some common dealmakers and dealbreakers that we see on members' profiles. We often suggest that members go ahead and submit their profile before filling out this section, then take a look at some of their connections' 'makers and 'breakers, which will give them some ideas. Cache' Connections members can revise their profile at any time by revisiting My Questionnaire after logging into their account.

I'd like to add some recommendations on what we would NOT consider to be dealmakers and dealbreakers. If you are a Cache' Connections blog follower or member, you know that we always encourage members to keep an open mind and to let God lead. What's important to remember is that this is niche dating. Because you are committed to connecting to other believers, the "market" is already smaller than the market for those for whom this command (2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers...) is not important. So when I hear a member say that they did not consider a connection because, for instance, he drives a motorcycle or she travels a lot as a leisure activity, I have to shake my head in wonder. Really? Travel is a dealbreaker? If two believers meet and find a special connection or chemistry, isn't travel and motorcycle riding something that can be discussed and compromised? Just something to think about.

Sample Dealmakers:
1. loves kids, wants kids
2. kids are grown
3. spiritual leader, someone to pray with
4. takes good care of self: spiritually, emotionally, physically
5. someone taller than me
6. likes deep conversations
7. and let's not forget someone who can have fun going out on the town or simply staying in to watch a movie! (Sorry - I couldn't resist!)


Sample Dealbreakers:
1. not interested in being part of my kids' lives
2. negative attitude; lack of faith
3. smoker
4. lack of financial stability
6. someone who lies, cheats
7. couch potato
8. someone who is abusive, self-centered, addicted to drugs/alcohol ...

One final suggestion is to NOT use these precious line items addressing the same topic under both categories. For instance, if "loves kids" is a dealmaker, don't put "hates kids" under dealbreakers. That can be assumed and addressing different topics under both categories allows you more space to reveal your likes and "can't stands."

Praying all your dealmakers come true ...

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Two Free Weeks! (It really is totally free!)

Just a reminder that Cache' Connections is offering a FREE TWO WEEK MEMBERSHIP to any new or inactive members through August 12th. This offer is entirely NO STRINGS ATTACHED and does not require any payment or credit card information. We would just like you to have an opportunity to experience what membership is like at Cache' Connections.

But here's the challenge - we are asking you to invite up to 5 FRIENDS OR MORE to join the website for free also. Please share this link with any and all Christian single friends and acquaintances, even if you're not sure if they're interested. Just imagine if you invited 5 friends and they invited 5 friends.... Not only would you be helping connect Christian singles across the country, you would be joining in a vision to send a message of healthy, biblically-based relationships to society. And it is very possible in helping someone else, you could be helping yourself. Because, if your friends invite their friends, maybe one of their friends is the perfect connection FOR YOU!

So before you get up from the computer, we urge you to take a minute or two and share this offer of two free weeks at cacheconnections.com to your friends recommending they consider joining and inviting their friends. Who knows what God has in store for those who are helping to spread his plan for relationships?

Here's how to receive your free two weeks:

*****NEW MEMBERS
-click Join Now
-agree or disagree to the basic four non-denominational faith statements
-fill out the sign up page on the Cache' Connections website at Cache' Connections with your name and email
-STOP when you get to the billing page
-CONTACT US from the website requesting your free two weeks

*****RETURNING MEMBERS
-- CONTACT US from the website requesting your free two weeks

If you have forgotten your login information, don't hesitate to email or call 309-550-5580. We're happy to help!

~Kim and Linda
Founders, Cache' Connections

Is it easier to meet singles at a small church or a larger church?

This was the question of the day posted on Facebook on Friday. While the responses are somewhat predictable, what strikes me is that more than anything, these singles wanted to be heard:

Rick: small.

JoAnn: I don't think the size makes as much of a difference as much as whether or not they have a singles group or activities. If they do, that helps enormously.

Barbara: JoAnn nailed it!!!

Larry: easier to meet in a small church, but the selection can be limited.

Rian: Both for as long as single christians know where to go and meet. Like a meet & greet area with some snacks after the service would be nice. Then set a once a month dinner / activity for consistency.

Rick: Ok maybe but my church is pretty big with a good singles group but rarely meet anyone.

Cari: depends is they have a singles ministry or not : )

Tim: It seems that large churches "gatekeep" singles into age-distinct groups, which makes it hard if you are interested in someone younger or older.

Amy: I'd say large/larger church. I grew up in a small church and was either related to most of the people there, or just friends with the others.

John: Neither. Churches seem more concerned with keeping people apart rather than encouraging them to get married. The trend now is, if you are a Christian and want to meet someone, it won't be at a church.

Michael: Large.

Tim: I would say Neither, but also agree that the options would be greater in larger churches. I go to church (a large one in Springfield, IL) for teaching and fellowship in attending services, my Singles Sunday School class and its related activities (small groups, Friday night volleyball fellowship, etc.), and other church service projects with the intention of learning and fellowship, and serving God's Kingdom primarily. Although I yearn to meet someone, I don't go to church just solely to meet a woman. If it happens in a church-related setting, so be it as it is part of God's plan. I never want to do anything to make anyone else uncomfortable--so I feel I need to be careful and watch/respect others' boundaries particularly in church settings (but also elsewhere in public too). I guess I just want potential relationships to come naturally, as I have thought that those are the best kinds of relationships (rather than one party coming onto another).


It has been our finding that singles, by and large, do not attend smaller churches. Attending a larger church will afford more opportunities to meet singles if you get involved. Simply walking in and out of church and worshiping among hundreds or thousands is not an appropriate method for meeting people. Having a singles ministry is helpful, but there are always singles that do not attend such groups. So the key is to find a ministry that appeals to you, keep your eyes and mind open and see what connections you might make!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Half full or half empty?

We've had a few challenging conversations with single people this week, reminding us that by and large we are dealing with a segment of society that is hurt, isolated and lonely, and many of them are dealing with some heavy life "stuff," such as being a single parent, joblessness, damaged self-esteem, etc. We pray daily for our Cache' Connections members and single friends who have crossed our paths.

Life can indeed be tough, especially this day and age. We all feel the ravages of the depressed economy. But as Christians, I'm so thankful that we always have hope because of what our precious Lord has done for us! "Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:4-6

Honestly, I could blog about negativity until Jesus returns. Today we will focus on two key ingredients to combat negativity: one is a positive attitude, the other is a thankful heart. Please consider some of these quotes and verses and ask yourself, "Is my glass half full or half empty?" If it's on the low side, what can I do to change that? It's been said that a man is more attracted to an average-looking female with a pleasant smile than a very attractive women without one.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:14-16

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." ~Winston Churchill

"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed." ~Attributed to both Jonathan Swift and Benjamin Franklin

"I don't like that man. I must get to know him better." ~Abraham Lincoln

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes." ~William James

As Christians, we can always find things and people in our lives for which we are thankful. Today and throughout the weekend I challenge you to ponder the positive, count your proverbial blessings, and see what new hope might spring up!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

A Long-Awaited Return to Northern Chicagoland!

As you know, Chicagoland is so widespread that it is often thought of as a state instead of a metropolitan area. In fact, some of our friends in other states naturally assume that we live in Chicago, just because we live in Illinois ... and we just go with it :) Since the driving distance from one tip to the other of Chicagoland is over two hours, we have requests from the different points of the "Chicago compass" to hold Cache' Connections events in their particular areas.

We are happy to report that our friends in northern Chicagoland will have an opportunity to come out for a fun-filled night at the Cache' Connections Christian Dating Redefined Conference and Expo on Friday night, August 26, 2011. The event will be held at The Chapel - Barrington campus. This means that all of our friends from The Chapel, Willow Creek, Life Changers, Harvest Bible, and other surrounding churches can come together with Christian singles to enjoy this unique night of fun and fellowship, with just the right amount of dating advice thrown in for good measure.

There's lots in store for this night, including plenty of socializing, games, prizes and challenges afforded by several area vendors, a viewing of the Cache' Connections Christian Dating Redefined DVD, refreshments and more socializing! Here's the schedule:

Schedule:
7:00 - Cache Connections Expo
8:10 - Cache Connections Welcome
8:15 - Icebreaker Activity
8:20 - Christian Dating Redefined - DVD featuring Dr. Stephen W. Simpson
9:15 - Vendor Prizes and Refreshments

Our thanks to The Chapel Singles ministry for helping to support this event, and to all of our great sponsors! You can CLICK HERE for a list of sponsors, more details and to sign up for this event. See you up there!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Dealing with Serial Daters in Your Church

Today's blog is taken from Boundless Webzine, a website of Focus on the Family. Author Candice Watters offers some strict advice for a single woman inquiring about serial daters in her church, as well as advice for the church. This is a widespread issue that is often overlooked.

DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS

There are several guys in my church who are known as "serial daters." They have dated several women I know, and have left broken hearts in their wake. My question is twofold: Should the church leadership address this, and how?

Also, if one of these guys were to pursue me, how should I handle it? Should I ask about their intentions right off the bat? On one hand, I understand that people may need to date several people before getting married, but on the other hand, I don't want to waste time with someone who will never commit.

REPLY

Yes, the church should address this and, in another day, likely would have. Depending on where you go, it's possible they might. It's called church discipline and there are still some churches that practice it. I'm aware of an affiliation of biblically sound churches that includes church discipline as one of the "Nine Marks" of a biblical church.

According to the 9Marks website, "church discipline is the whole complex of teaching, preaching, structures, practices, and censures which clarifies acceptable behavior from that which is unacceptable for members of a local church." Drawing its authority from Scripture (Hebrews 12:5-11, Matthew 18:15-17, James 2:14-26, 1 Corinthians 5:1-13, 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15, 1 Timothy 1:20, 1 Timothy 5:19-20, Titus 3:10-11), church discipline includes both positive and negative elements. On the negative side is "warning, rebuke, admonition and excommunication." On the positive is "teaching, preaching, modeling, discipling, even implementing biblical structures of accountability in the church."

In the case of these "serial daters," I suspect church discipline might take the form of an elder or other leader approaching these young men and talking to them about the way their dating habits are defrauding the young women in the church. They might then let them know what the church expects of them: that they stop serial dating and instead, prayerfully focus on one woman with the goal being marriage. This process would be under the oversight of this or another leader or a mature Christian couple in the church.

Such top-down influence on the dating and mating habits of single men is rarely seen in our present day nearly-anything-goes, individualistic church culture. How your church handles this will say a lot about your church.

Among believers, dating relationships should be conducted with clear intentions (determining the couple's suitability for marriage), in a timely manner (no dating indefinitely for recreation alone), with oversight (either from the woman's parents or surrogate parent[s]) and with purity (no sexual activity before the wedding).

Sadly dating relationships rarely are. That doesn't mean, however, that you can't follow this biblical model on your own. Granted, it's not your job to discipline, but to guard your own heart with wisdom. You can require all of the above of any man who expresses interest in pursuing a romantic relationship with you — the serial daters included.

CLICK HERE to read the rest of the article.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Long Distance Connection

Today's blog is a testimonial from a couple who were connected through Cache' Connections Arranged Date Services in May, 2011. This is a perfect example of "thinking outside of the box," even for us. When Kim was searching for a potential date for Bob, she mentioned Jyl. I said, "Really? They are over 2 hours away." I felt it was a longshot but gave the nod. The rest, as they say, is history in the making. Jyl and Bob write:

We received “the call” from Kim last April. Would we be interested in meeting on a blind date? There was one important fact that we needed to know – one of us lives in Chicago and the other in Peoria. Why not? ... nothing ventured, nothing gained ... and with Cache Connections we knew God was watching out for us! We arranged to meet for dinner in Joliet on Saturday, May 21. It wasn’t exactly half way between Chicago and Peoria but it would do for now. Our dinner and conversation lasted four hours and we agreed to meet again.

For our next date, we decided that Starved Rock State Park was more centrally located. For our second date we hiked a bit in the park then went for pizza. On subsequent dates we have taken the trolley ride through the park and spent a day fishing. We have also explored nearby Utica and found a movie theater in Peru.

Though we have separate lives in Chicago and Peoria, and histories that go with those lives, we have found that meeting at Starved Rock or nearby has given us new experiences that we can share as a couple. We look forward to spending time together each week and talking on the phone every day. Long distance works for us and we pray that you don’t pass up a connection because of distance. You just need to find a place like we found “our place.”

Stay tuned…more to come!

For information on Cache' Connections' Arranged Blind Date Services, CLICK HERE.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

This is the God Who Redeems

Today's blog post is taken from the weekly group that fasts and prays on Mondays for singles desiring marriage. To subscribe, click here.

Hi Fast.Pray. Friends--

This is our last Monday fasting and praying until September. We are fasting and praying for good marriages for those who long to be married and for the courage for men and women to become more marriageable--to be willing to change where we each need to change. If you can, fast during what would be lunch. And if at all possible, find a friend with whom you can pray.

For the last two weeks, we've talked about envy. Judging from the comments, the discussion has hit home. We're glad because none of us wants to be indwelt by the green-eyed monster! But we're also glad because, more broadly, the purpose of this blog is to help women (and our few, brave male subscribers) know ever more deeply that 1) you are not alone in your struggles and desires and that 2) there IS a bigger picture, framed and indwelt our by an actively present, loving God. In other words: our longings (and sin & aches) matter AND God is at work for big purposes, right where we are. Each week when Anne (McCain) Brown and I pray by cell phone, we pray that God would multiply the power of the prayers of the fast.pray. subscribers in personal and cultural ways that are wildly disproportionate to our numbers. "Do beyond what we can ask or imagine, Lord!" we pray almost weekly.

When we kick back off this fall, there are some other sub-topics we want to touch on: s@xuality, lust, relational mistakes & wounds, friendships & community, more people (& men in particular) entering God's kingdom, and--always--embracing the journey of faith. But, as we go into August, let's go remembering who this God is before whom we fast and pray. Because at the end of the day, our triune God is the center of his people's hopes, longings, purpose, freedom, strength, healing, joy..... This is the God who redeems...

* He is always with us and everything He has is ours. (Luke 15:31)
* He calls us to practice today what we he has revealed to us so far. (Luke 6:46)
* He see us and his heart goes out to us. (Luke 7:13)
* He honors our faith. (Luke 8:48)
* He can set us free from that which binds us. (Luke 13:16)
* His heart can be filled with compassion towards us. (Luke 15:20)
* He knows anguish (Luke 22:44) even as he knows how to throw a party (Luke 15:23 & 24)
* He loves for us to keep knocking & asking, filled with faith (Luke 18:1ff)

These are some of my favorite attributes about our God. There are so many more. Take some time in August to meditate on Him. And eat some ice cream, exhale whenever possible, and play with some of the people you love. Meanwhile, feel free to post your thoughts throughout the month, and we'll look forward to reconnecting come September.

Many Blessings, Connally

Have a great week!
~ Linda
Cache' Connections