Time to Stop Browsing and Try it On!

After our conversation with George (our mentoring project) yesterday and then talking with some of the ladies who could be possible connections for this good-looking bachelor, I was again reminded of an all-too-common dilemma among singles. After searching for a special someone for an extended period of time, the process turns into a what reminds me of a shopping trip with my daughter. She goes in the store with an idea of what she wants, browsing the racks and sometimes stopping to pull something out and look at it, but never really trying anything on or considering it too much. When the sales person tries to show her an idea of something that she thinks would be attractive, she shoos her away and keeps perusing, never entertaining the thought she could be missing out on a "new look." I encourage her to "just try a few things on because it might surprise you." But, she just keeps going from store to store with the same technique and then gets frustrated and declares she is done and ready to leave.

So, we find this same "shopping mentality" with a lot of singles. They have their "list" of what they are looking for. We know for the guys physical attributes are usually first on the list - well, we know God wired them to be visual. So, after talking with George, we found he too has fallen into this pattern of perusing the racks and not really "trying it on." After coming up with some mutually-agreed-upon possibilities, I encouraged George to start by inviting these gals to coffee and then following up with a few more get-togethers. Because, we have heard so many married couples tell us that there were no sparks at all when they first met. But after getting together several times, they were able to really get to know each other and the heart connection was made... boom! ...the chemistry exploded! So George has his assignment and we're praying he can keep his heart and mind open to these ladies he will be meeting in the next few weeks and make a real connection and leave his browsing days behind:) We'll keep you updated on his progress.

By the way, we're still searching for candidates for George, so point any possibilities to Cache' Connections!

On another note, Linda and I have been reflecting on Jesus' sacrifice as the Easter weekend approaches. It is truly unfathomable how someone would give up their life for people who betrayed and hurt him. So, here's a little quote from Charles Stanley that sums up our thoughts, "Jesus Christ sacrificed more than His life. He exchanged perfection for wickedness and holy union for separation. The Savior did this so we could be transformed into righteous men and women with an eternal future. No wonder all of heaven exalts Him (Rev. 5:11-14). We must do the same."

Give Him thanks!
Kim

George's Picks

As you may know, we launched the Cache' Mentoring Services last week with a contest, in which George's name was chosen as the winner of two weeks of personalized assistance with his membership at Cache' Connections. Like a dutiful "mentee," George called on his lunch hour yesterday. Over the weekend, his homework was to go through his connections and let us know who he preferred and why. George did so, and we quickly saw a pattern. George likes petite gals who are typically blond and in good shape. George had only made contact with a few of these ladies.

Kim spent a few hours yesterday going through George's connections (over 100!), seeking prospective connections. She made notes of some names to suggest to him, and they will talk today.

One thing we want to stress is that when you see someone of interest, it is important to make contact quickly, because some members have very short subscriptions. Also, when sending that first note, try to say something a little meatier than "Hi, I liked your photo. Do you want to chat?" We recommend mentioning something that caught your eye from their profile, such as their hobbies, education, etc. This way, the recipient of your note will know that you took the time to read over their profile and truly found them an interesting prospect. Here's a tidbit we picked up - we read that women should write shorter notes and men should send longer ones.

So ... check back in with us tomorrow and we'll see what George has to say about his matchmakers' advice :)

~ Linda

About feedback ...

Everyone has an opinion - even me! I remember when I got saved and started to get some great ideas about how/what the pastor should be preaching on. I can't remember if it was the pastor or a very wise godly women who gently let me know that he probably didn't need my help! Huh!?

The fact is we have to trust and obey our leadership. Our duty is not to tell them how to do their job, but to obey and respect them. Hebrews 13:7 says: "Obey your leaders and submit to their authority." How many of us have not liked the way our church dealt with parking, snacks, schedules, sermons and singles? We have to keep in mind that the pastors and leadership are looking at things from the big picture - kind of like God does. We don't know or understand everything He is up to - but we trust that he is working things out for our good (Rom 8:28.)

At Cache' Connections we get a lot of suggestions - feedback - and yes, complaints. For sure we are in a learning process and we continue to tweak and perfect our engines. We're at the point now where we almost feel like we've heard it all, at least three times! I must confess that sometimes I'd like to tell people if they think they can do a better job, why don't they sacrifice their life savings, livelihood, time and so much more to start their own ministry/business? (Okay I said it here and that shall suffice.) Kim and I have learned to jump over a lot of the complaints, considering that a lot of negative comments actually come from hurts and scars that really have nothing to do with us. Singles pastors taught us that.

The events and connection activities are always subject to scrutiny. There is no perfect way to do speed dating and still make it worthwhile for the majority. We've learned that breaking the groups into age groups, which seems very logical, is actually problematic because some folks will want to cross the age barrier. So we leave it open and disclose that not all introductions are going to be viable connections, but to please be respectful and play along with the process. This works most of the time and people enjoy the "practice" of interacting with members of the opposite sex.

Here's some positive feedback that was just posted today on facebook from yesterday's Coffee Connections event in Barrington. My comment was that I heard that connection cards were flying.

I can definately attest to that cos I was there it was a great event and the turnout was awesome. I was a lil bummed out cos a lot of the singles there were not in my age group. I however enjoyed meeting everyone. There was this one girl whom was in her 20s that I was interesrted in however I did not get to give her my contact info before she left so I'm hoping kelly gets to work her magic and gets it across to her. I'm glad I attended I spoke very well of u and kim

This kind of feedback keeps the wind in our sails! Who can you encourage today?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Another little "Thelma and Louise" excursion

This morning we're driving northward to Chicagoland for a two-day work/play excursion. First stop, the mall! We have vowed to put an end to Kim's "mother of the bride" shopping quest. After many mini trips around Central Illinois that turned up with zippo, we're just certain that THE DRESS is waiting for her at Nordstrom's. Kim is looking forward to the wedding of her daughter this coming July.

At 3:00 pm we have a meeting scheduled with Brian Hunt, the pastor of Parkview Christian Church - Lockport Campus. This church will be the host site for our newest event "The Cache' Connection" show. We're going to survey the premises and talk details about sound, lighting, video and stage set-up.

Then we head back to the Oakbrook area, where we got a sweet deal on Hotwire for a 4.5 star hotel :)

Tomorrow we're scheduled to be at "The Road to I Do" conference at Calvary Church. These singles conferences, put on by For Better for Worse for Keeps Ministries, have been very well-received in Chicagoland and beyond. We look forward to "sitting at the feet" of Bob Moeller, who apparently will have us all laughing, crying, and frantically taking notes. This is a free conference that goes from 8:30 am to 3:00 pm, so if you can, come on out!

~ Linda

Meet the new George!

You will recall that George is the winner of our "Cache' Mentoring Contest," and we are working with him to make the MOST of his membership at Cache' Connections. On Tuesday we introduced him with his original photo and bio that he placed on his account. Today we reveal his new photo, taken at the Cache' Coffee Connections event on Tuesday night. Our photographer, Jean Lachat, who always does a fantastic job for us at events, was there to help George out and snap some shots of the activity.

George checked in with us on his lunch hour, and we spent a few minutes getting to know him and re-writing his bio - see below. I commended George for calling on schedule, and he said "well, I'm motivated, and obviously I need help!"

I am a divorced father of a 17 year old daughter and 22 year old son. Having been married almost 20 years and single for about 4, I feel like I’m ready now to pursue another relationship that God has for me.

I’m looking for a woman who is active and enjoys a healthy lifestyle. Having been involved in athletics all of my life, including holding records in power lifting and playing semi-pro soccer, I would appreciate a woman who has an interest in exercise/sports- related activities such as weight lifting, walking and sport-type games. I also watch what I eat pretty carefully as I feel our body is a temple to God and we should take good care of ourselves. Also, I LOVE to cook and would love to have a partner to cook along side of me! Of course, worshiping, praying and studying God’s word together as husband and wife is something I’ve always longed for.

One thing I learned from my prior marriage is the importance of communication. I’m willing to take the lead in this area, regardless of who has been wronged. 1 Cor 13 “the love chapter” is my favorite. Love conquers all – I firmly believe that.

I firmly follow God’s word about not looking at the speck in someone else’s eye if I may have a plank in my own eye (Mt 7: 3-5). I’m not one who is quick to judge anyone, but I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, trying to see the good in people. Regardless of the outcome of the situation, I would rather take the hurt than cause pain to anyone.

As for children, I realize the importance of both a father and mother in a child’s life. I would never want to replace a father, but would love an opportunity to be a male Christian example and would be open to the possibility of being a stepfather.

Next, we will be encouraging George to communicate more with other members through the live chats and messaging system.

~ Linda

Just Push The Button People!

It happens almost every time! I'm referring to an issue that arises after each Cache' Quick Introductions - in this case, the Coffee Connections. If you don't know, this is an event we hold in several different states which is a casual form of Christian speed dating. Well, this week we had a great event in Peoria, IL and also Glen Ellyn, which is in the Chicagoland area. Both events were well attended with 30 - 35 people at each. But, inevitably, the day after, someone will send us an email or call and say they wanted to hand someone a connection card containing their contact information, and they didn't do it.... and would we mind passing along their contact info? Now we don't mind helping people get connected, but this gets a little frustrating because we don't always have contact information on everyone who attends.

So we just want to say... "just hand them the card when you are there!" Of course, we recommend setting up an email beforehand for this purpose, so you are protected from revealing any personal information. If you see some red flags with this person later, just shut down the email and don't go any further, but it's better to err on the side of giving it a shot! I think sometimes as Christians, we can be over analytical about these things and miss out on some great opportunities. As long as we're praying and asking God to guide us along the way, I say, GO FOR IT, and see what God's got in store!

Make it a great day!
Kim

Cache' Mentoring Contest Winner: George!

Last Thursday we announced a new contest, the "Cache' Mentoring Contest," because we have observed that even online, many people seem to need a little help navigating the whole dating game.

Today we put all applicants' names in a hat and drew out George from Batavia! We're happy to have the opportunity to work with George, because not only has he been a member of Cache' Connections for a while, but he has attended several of our events in the past.

You see George's photo above. The first order of business on this two-week CC hand-holding session is new photos. George will be attending Cache' Coffee Connections in Glen Ellyn tonight, where our photographer, Jean Lachat, will be standing by.

Next step will be addressing George's bio at the end of his online Questionnaire. Below is the original bio that George wrote months ago. We plan to work closely with George every day or every other day with tips on his Questionnaire, communications, etc. We'll be blogging about it, of course, and recommend that you come along with us on this journey and pick up a few tips along the way!

I am a kind hearted Christian man who enjoys fitness, Loves Church and I am waiting for the Godly woman who the Lord has in store for me. I love to cook, walk, lift weights and love children

~Linda
Cache' Connections

Great dating advice during last night's chat!

Every other Sunday night, Emily Shupert, a relationship expert from Atlanta, GA, leads a chat for Cache' Connections. She was on a roll last night - take a peak!

Emily: Fantastic group! Glad we are all here tonight and ready to go. Hope you all are having a wonderful weekend and now feel free to begin with any of your dating questions...one at a time :)
Guest 1: I was wondering if it's biblical to wait for the man to initiate the conversations and ask for dates.
Emily: Great question (Guest 1)! I don't think it is a Biblical or not Biblical either way...it is a personal preference. I think that this is something that you decide what is best for you. If we were to put the title biblical, then we might be tempted to spiritualize it and say that it is a "sin" if a woman asks first which I don't see anywhere in the Bible.
Guest 2: Emily-- How is (Guest 1)'s interest going to know she is interested in him?
Guest 1: I guess since men are supposed to be the leader of the household, it would make sense for them to also lead the dating relationship.
Guest 3: Sounds like what most women prefer.... Wonder how the men feel.
Guest 1: If we could see how they're leading the dating relationship it would give us insight into how they'd lead the marital relationship.
Emily: Yes, that is a great concern I hear many times. Yes, they are the leaders of the household but in a dating relationship, it isn't mandatory or Biblical to have him lead. What is Biblical is ask for what you need and want, having boundaries, and being who God made you to be in the relationship. Instead of Biblical (which can be synonymous with "wrong" or "right" you can ask...do I want to date someone who doesn't take initiative with me? You can ask, if it takes him 3 months to ask you out, do you want someone who takes that long.
Guest 3: Good analogy.
Emily: Many times as a Christian Counselor, I see men and women who are unable to commit to a dating relationship often lack the initiative needed in a dating relationship or they just aren't interested enough to ask out. Many times people say, "well, he isn't being Biblical and offering direction in the relationship. However, we must ask....is it that he isn't being "biblical" or "wrong." Or is he simply not interested?
Guest 1: Thank you for your thoughts.
Guest 3: Are there early signs to look for that would indicate lack of interest in the relationship or future commitment?
Emily: Guys and girls risk a lot of pride in relationships so in order for them to ask someone out, it takes a risk. If they aren't that interested, they aren't going to risk their pride.
Guest 1: I'd like to encourage men to take the initiative and be the leaders and men God made them to be. It's very attractive.
Guest 3: I agree (Guest 1).
Guest 4: How can you tell when they are interested but to afraid of rejection to ask you out?
Emily: Yes ... great question as well! Guys by nature are "hunters and gatherers" in relationships. They are naturally made to pursue after those they are interested in. If they aren't interested, they probably won't pursue you.
Guest 5: Yes (Guest 3), I know some that are very nice and social to me. If I suggest coffee or an event it lands on dead ears.
Guest 4: How can we encourage guys?
Guest 2: Encourage without pursuing them?
Emily: You have hit on something as well. A guy you are attracted to will make an effort. You Don"t Need To Work Harder Than They Do!!!
Guest 2: Good point!
Guest 4: Am I misreading the signs?
Emily: Yes ...you don't need to work harder than them but you also do need to let them know that you are interested. They aren't going to make the risk without knowing that they have a chance.
Guest 2: Another good point.
Emily: I think that (Guest 4) was reading the signs correctly....they didn't indicate that they were wanting to go out. and we have either two different ways to look at this:
1) they are not interested in you.
2) they are not forthcoming and are scared to risk their pride (which is a deeper character issue possibly resulting in low self esteem, lack of sense of self, and inability to express wants/needs). Either way you look at it, you win if you just let that guy go. :)
Guest 4: Thanks-- I didn't expect that answer. It makes a lot of sense.
Guest 2: I agree w/(Guest 4) sounds like time to look for someone who is more interested then.
Emily: Yes and many times women look down on a guy for not pursuing her like it is a character flaw. If he isn't interested, he isn't interested. That doesn't mean he is a bad guy...it just means that he is finding out what is best for him like you would do as well.
Guest 6: If a man asks a woman out in his singles group or other group at church, he risks a great deal. That may be one reason many men don't step up more.
Guest 2: Makes a lot of sense Emily!
Emily: Many times women will say "what a jerk" for not asking her out, but why does that make him a jerk? He just isn't into her and that is ok. Does that make her a jerk when she doesn't like every guy that she meets? Let's not make character judgments on people who aren't interested. Let's look at how we can focus on ourselves.
Guest 3: There are a lot of Christian Frogs in this pond, both male and female...so it seems hard to get to or connect with the one the Holy Spirit is leading us to. So each frog that does not seem interested in, that you thought would be a good catch...well that is God fine tuning your senses to discern what.
Emily: Yes, and we can't count it as being a total loss...we can see it as a situation where we can learn more about ourselves in the process. Every relationship is a wonderful opportunity to learn and grow.
Guest 2: I would agree....amazing how we learn so much about ourselves by the way we respond in a relationship.
Guest 2: And as you always say....learn about boundaries.
Emily: Let's look at how you can learn from every relationship with the opposite sex, regardless of whether they are a dating relationship or not. Yes, always learning!
Guest 6: I enjoy online dating because there is relatively little risk in asking, and at least a man knows they are interested in dating some man, at least, which isn't always the case at church. If I send a message and three weeks go by and get no response, I know she isn't interested.
Emily: Yes, online dating is an easy way to get to know people without the threats of rejection for sure....but then there comes a time to step out and take a risk to ask someone out.
Guest 4: Emily, I still have trouble making connections.
Emily: (Guest 4)....let's look at how you can get better results. Work smarter, not harder.
Guest 4: I'm all ears.
Emily: I suggest that you listen more and talk less on every interaction. I can pick up that you are sometimes outspoken which can be intimidating for guys. I suggest that you talk 25% and listen 75%. Even though it might not be norm for you, try it out.
Guest 4: Lol-- You read my number. I can also type pretty fast.
Emily: I suggest you ask questions about that person and that being the majority of your talking. Then listen...really listen. Not because you are thinking about what you are going to say next but listen for what he is really saying and be focused on him....he will appreciate this!
Guest 4: I've been told that I ask too many personal type questions.
Emily: Before trying this out with guys, I want to encourage you to commit the next 5 days to doing this at work and in your social life. See what response you get from others and you will see it has a profound affect on your interactions.
Guest 4: Ok.
Emily: When you ask questions, make them light and comfortable for the other person. Really personal questions are only appropriate for very close friends and not people you just met or in a social setting.People think about themselves mostly, whether they are Christians or not...this is universally true. So, they will appreciate you continuing that dialogue that is already in their head :) Ok, that was a bit sarcastic, but many people are thinking of themselves and you are able to engage with them. They want to know you care and that can't happen when you talk about yourself all the time.
Guest 2: That was good....people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
Emily: Great quote...that is so true in my profession as well as for all of us as believers.
Guest 2: In the past you have mentioned intentional dating....any suggestions on what that looks like?
Emily: Intentional dating is when you make it clear that you are interested in someone and you make it clear. You don't say "let's hang out" but you do say, I would like to get to know you more and I'd like to spend some time together on Saturday night. Would you like to go on a date with me. Intentional dating isn't super intense like courting but it does honor the other person by letting them know that you are interested with your intentions, etc. A lot of people "casually date" and when there is a loss of interest, there is no need to "break up" because they were never dating in the first place. It is very gray for those involved.
Guest 2: I was just going to ask if there are benefits to casually dating....until you meet someone that you want to be intentionally dating?
Emily: I think that casually getting to know someone is fine in a group setting but when interest is expressed, it needs to go further into being more intentional if you both are really interested.
Guest 7: How about when the man picks you up and takes you out, spends time with you, pays for you, but does not call it a 'date'. Any distinction in that? or it does not really matter.
Emily: If it is one or two times like (Guest 6) said, that isn't a big deal but if it continues like that for over a month, I would consider having a talk about if you were intentionally dating or not. And yes, if you are intentionally dating someone then that is one person at a time...but if you are going on first dates, you can go out with several people in the same week....i don't see an issue with that at all.
Emily: Ok, guys and gals...it has been wonderful talking with you all tonight. I look forward to you all joining Cache and continuing this dating process as you grow personally and in your dating process!
Guest 2: .thoughts before you leave Emily?
Emily: Just a word of encouragement....be strong and courageous in the Lord and let Him shine through you! Good night folks!

Upcoming chats and other reminders

Hi Everyone,

Just a quick reminder to join Expert Emily tomorrow night in The Meeting Room beginning at 7:00 pm CST. Emily is always ready to answer those dating questions you wouldn't want to ask at church!

Monday night, Founder/Linda will be leading a discussion on Chapter 2 of "The Singlehood Phenomenon" by Drs. Tom and Bev Rodgers. Have you lost hope for finding a soul mate? Drs. Rodgers say that the search begins inward, not outward for those who have "Lack of Faith in God's Provision." This one-hour discussion begins at 7:30 pm CST.

We continually receive comments from members that prompt us to remind you:

1. Post your primary photos! We need a recent headshot and bodyshot before we can approve your casual photos.

2. Check and reply to your messages! Cache' Connections is all about integrity, and we ask you to join us by responding to those who send you a message, if even to say: "I'm sorry but I don't feel this is a possible connection. Best wishes on your search."

3. Post more photos! Your connections will receive a trigger email when you upload new photos.

4. All subscriptions will automatically renew unless you cancel. Be sure to take advantage of a current special before your renewal date. You can check this under Billing Management. The current special is $50 off of a six-month subscription with this code: GOGREEN50.

Don't forget to apply to win the Cache' Mentoring Contest - and watch the blog and find us on Facebook for what's happening behind the scenes.

As always, feel free to contact us with your questions. Have a great weekend!

Blessings,
Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections

Cache' Mentoring Contest Announced!

So, we've realized that despite the popularity of online dating and the members' true desire to find a special connection, people are still hesitant and unsure how to navigate their way through the process. We often find ourselves giving advice on how and what to say, along with other tips for success. As one former male member (who is now married to his Cache' bride) confessed, "I knew I needed help!" So, we decided to find one special "hand to hold" for a few weeks and spotlight him or her so others can observe and learn a few tricks.

Here's the official announcement:

Cache' Connections is offering free mentoring services from the founders for two weeks to a lucky winner of this Cache' Mentoring Contest! Our mentoring services include suggestions on several items:

*photos
*bios
*connections
*communications

In other words, we will help you navigate the website and show you how to be successful in improving your profile, choosing connections and starting communications with connections. We will even contact your connections and suggest they look at your profile and begin communication!

All members are invited to participate! If you have a membership of one month or more, just email us at Contact and include your name and the words "Cache' Mentoring Contest." Your name will be placed in a drawing which will be held on Tuesday, March 23rd. Please note that all applicants must be willing to be spotlighted in emails, on the website, blog, Facebook, etc. Additionally, the winner must be willing and able to communicate with the founders on a daily basis by email, and to upload his/her primary photos. For more information on this contest Click Here.

If your membership is running out or you would like to become a member, we invite you to take advantage of this month's special. We are offering $50 off a 6-month subscription which is now only $49.95. The promo code for this special is GOGREEN50.

*Please note to enter the contest, you must be a current member for at least one month.

We are excited about this contest and look forward to showing everyone how to "work the system" at Cache' Connections!

~ Linda

Want to save $15? Volunteer for CC Live! St. Charles

We've had this event on the books for over a year now, and the time is finally upon us to come together with beautiful Christ Community Church in St. Charles, IL (Chicagoland suburb.) We thank Tim Downey, the singles pastor, for welcoming Cache' Connections. Tim understands the deep desire for singles to connect with one another and the great avenue that CC provides.

It's early enough still to sign up to volunteer to help us out in such positions as ushers, greeters and overall friendly-person-type duties - and save $15! The only catch is you have to be there at 6:00 pm for training.

We look forward to finally meeting Dr. Bob Moeller, who will be our guest speaker. Dr. Moeller is a well-known author, speaker, pastor and television host. He and his wife, Cheryl, are the founders of For Better For Worse For Keeps Ministries.

We'll also rock with Brian Hunt as he leads us in worship. Brian and his band always bring it with high energy praise to our King of Kings and Lord of Lords!

Tickets are $15 if you pre-register, just $10 in groups of 8, or $20 at the door. For all details, click here. See you there!

~Linda

7 Reasons for Skepticism about Marriage

On Monday night, we had a lively chat in the Cache' Connections Meeting Room discussing Chapter 1 of The Singlehood Phenomenon. Some members and non-members joined us to discuss some reasons why singles are skeptic about marriage these days. Some even admitted to owning their reasons :)

Here they are, straight out of Chapter 1:

1. Fear of making a mistake. That's the biggee, no surprise there. We often hear "I'd rather be alone than in a bad marriage."

2. The high divorce rate. Half of Generation X suffered through the divorce of their parents. Also, they know that statistics of children of divorced parents reflect a higher divorce rate.

3. Relational insecurity. Again, children of divorce often feel handicapped because they did not have role models for healthy marriages. Also, those whose parents are still together struggle with today's changing roles and lack of a blueprint for marriage. Singles often default to what they know they can succeed at: work, ministry, education and physical fitness.

4. Fear of getting hurt. (Enough said really.) "Many singles have been wounded and now equate dating and mating with hurt and pain."

5. The narcissistic culture. Singles are afraid they will lose their freedom and see marriage as confinement and constraint rather than an opportunity for connection and belonging. One chatter admitted that he has a lot of hobbies that he was not willing to give up. We encouraged him that it doesn't have to be one or the other, and that the right woman would help him to find a balance.

6. Consumerism. This one is kind of a shocker - but the wide variety of choices leaves singles wondering how they can ever settle down and choose just one mate - for life.

7. Fear of acrimonious disputes. Singles feel that marriage will lead to emotional suffering and emotional shame. One of the singles admitted that the shame of her divorce was holding her back from seeking a new relationship.

The good news is that God can help restore your hope! Drs. Rogers wrote, "Singles who find themselves discouraged or hopeless need to seek the Lord and prayerfully ask Him to guide them as they do a healthy soul-searching and self-evaluation." In order to find a healthy soulmate, you must first be a healthy soulmate.

Join me next Monday, March 22 as we take on Chapter 2: Lack of faith in God's provision. Click here for chat schedule, as well as other scheduled events. To enter The Meeting Room, click here and enter with your first name and password: cachecommunity. See you in "the box."

~ Linda

Why Do We Have To Pay For Membership?

This question has been brought up a few times and we understand why people might wonder why there should be a charge to join a website such as Cache' Connections. We have often talked about how we wish we could just provide this service for free to everyone if we were independently wealthy. Unfortunately, there are a lot of costs and time that go into the business of connecting Christian singles. Otherwise, Linda and I would be spending our days on the beach instead of hammering away at the office each day and then spending a good portion of our weekends at events or on the computer. So, if you're wondering, here's just a small sample of the type of expenditures necessary to keep this Cache' biz rolling:

*The Cache' Connections website is a custom-made website and database that cost as much as some people pay for their house. This cost was funded by us personally and has yet to be repaid.

*Linda and Kim both gave up their full time jobs to devote each and every day to expanding the business. Not only do we contact churches and organize the events, but we carry on the day-to-day duties of customer service, website updates, managing the administration area of the website, ordering fliers for events, paperwork and everything else involved in running a business. And must we mention that we are always brainstorming for new ideas to break into new markets or coming up with new ways to do everything better than the day before.

*Marketing is huge! One of our biggest expenditures is spent on getting the word out. A large part of our marketing is based around events through making phone calls, placements on event calendars, Facebook marketing, radio promotions... the list goes on and on! Needless to say, most of these items cost money, although we work hard in putting every dollar to work as cleverly as possible.

So, there are many days that we have both wondered why we gave up an easier job with a steady paycheck. But we know God has put us here for a reason and a mission. And He continues to confirm and encourage us along the way, so we continue to look ahead in faith to what He has in store. We have been told it can take up to 3-5 years to see a profit when starting a new business...we're looking forward to that day!

By the way, today is the last day to enjoy two weeks for just 99 cents ... or "until married" for just $149.95. Check out the subscription page for promo codes on "The Long and Short of It Sale."

~Kim

Catch some LOVE in the air!

We continue to hear of couples who are meeting through Cache' Connections. Jim and Debby connected on the website (and she was the first one to reach out to him)! Here's what Debby wrote recently:

"KIM - LINDA...Jim and I are doing great! He is really a sweetie and sooooo romantic. I would never have met Jim without Cache' Connections. It's exciting to see how God uses CC for his purposes. We are enjoying the journey a LOT!"

Another budding romance stems out of a recent bowling event. Because they are in the early phases, they wish to remain anonymous. But she had this to say:

"___ and I are progressing nicely. We've had some deep conversations this week and are in a great spot now. We are going out for dinner tomorrow night and have committed to being intentional about seeing where God is going to take us. Thanks so much for your prayers and encouragement. You really are making a difference in the lives of single Christians."

God is showing up in big ways at Cache' Connections! We invite you to come on board and see what he has in store for you!

Blessings,
Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections

The Inside Scoop on the New Wheel

Maybe a few of you who are our Facebook friends have heard some whisperings about a "new wheel" that's coming forth at Cache' Connections. The whole concept is still on the drawing board, but let's just say it was inspired by three popular T.V. shows, one retro and the other two, modern day. It's a crazy combination of The Dating Game, The Bachelor and American Idol all wrapped up in one! It is our hope to one day have our own T.V. show, but for now, we'll walk before we run and start this off on-line and then move to an event. So,here's a few more elements of this crazy new game:

*One Bachelor
*3-5 Female Contestants
*Panel of Judges (relationship experts)
*The Public

Pretty basic information? Well, stay tuned for more information coming soon, and if you want to be on top of all breaking news, friend us on Facebook!

Oh, and another interesting bit of insider info - we have another wedding! This one wasn't sprung at Cache', but is very much on the top of our minds. Kim's daughter is getting married in July! Congratulations to the happy couple!

Have a great day everyone:)

Kim

We always have hope!

The matchmakers made a match! That's our tune from the old movie, "Fiddler on the Roof." Yes, we often sing it; its tops on our repertoire.

Friday night we were privileged to attend the wedding of Darrick and Markita in Aurora, Illinois. We hurried to have this photo snapped between the happy couple before we whisked ourselves away for the long drive home.

The picture tells the story ... but you can read more about how we connected this couple on the post titled "Frantic Friday."

Who knows? Maybe we'll be standing between you and your love in the future! One thing is for sure, unless you plan on marrying the mail carrier or UPS delivery person, you need to get in the game! In fact, Markita was just about to give up hope after a year of membership, a few trial and error relationships and heartache. Her last ditch callout for us to watch out for her at an event she was unable to attend resulted in being connected with Darrick. Don't ever give up hope!

1 Tim: 6:17b "... but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment."

~ Linda

"I worry I have something stuck in my teeth"

Here are some excerpts from last night's expert-led chat with Emily Shupert:

Expert Emily: I am here to help with your dating questions, so fire away!
Member1: Question: I find that I can communicate much easier with guys via email, but when it comes to having conversation in person, I fail miserably. Any suggestions?
Expert Emily: Great question! I'll ask a few more questions to get a better picture of the situation.... When does it feel like you aren't connecting or communicating well? From the beginning?
Member1: Yes, after the usual niceties, "hi, how are you!"
Expert Emily: First of all, that is totally normal, so you are not alone. That is why online communication is so successful because you can be totally honest without having to be face to face. Let's look at what you think is causing the barrier between you being the "online you" when you are face to face with the person
Member1: Ok
Expert Emily: Do you feel nervous about conversing with him? what is going on inside of you when you initially meet? Sometimes nerves, high expectations, etc can be a fog that separates us from presenting who we really are in dating situations. Before we can get rid of that fog, we need to know what it is.
Member1: Then... my mind draws a blank and I start getting self-conscious because I can't think of what to say.
Expert Emily: Let's elongate that introduction and make it continue throughout the date night.....when you say "focus" does that mean that you get nervous and stuck on those introductions? When we are "self conscious" on a date, where is the focus? On the self. Unfortunately, being self conscious robs us from experiencing the other person because of the continual focus on self. This also distracts you and doesn't portray the true uninhibited you since you are probably not as self conscious as you are in real life as you are on the date.
Member1: I don't get stuck on the intros, it's just after that. I start wondering if there's something stuck in my teeth, am I speaking well, is my hair in place, etc. I'm quite introverted. Even around my family sometimes.
Expert Emily: No worries....use your introversion to your benefit. If you are introverted, you can use your time with yourself to think of topics you want to discuss (5 total) so that when you find yourself getting self conscious, you can bring one of the 5 up. Also, I encourage you to be aware of when you think of your insecurities and take a second to take a deep breath and then ask him a question.
If you are introverted, you probably don't like small talk and a lot of talking in general....you would rather be with an intimate small group or by yourself.
However, use your introversion for you and ask him some questions....5 questions you plan beforehand. This shows that you are interested in him while also allowing yourself time to listen and not be "on" to speak all the time
Member1: Yep, small group and once I get to know you, I can talk all day!
Member2: I pray before I call or go on a date. I feel less self conscious knowing that I am dating a Christian who will not hold me to the secular world's criteria.
Expert Emily: That is a great way to keep perspective! And remember, that it is all in the Lord's hands as well....he can redeem even the worst dates :)
Member2: Ee, I sent you a second question: is there a time frame when one should move from online communication?
Expert Emily: ... it depends on what you feel comfortable with and what he feels comfortable with. If he suggests meeting in person the first time you talk, you might not feel great about it. However if you have been talking for a month, it might be a good time to meet in person.
Member2: Let's not skip a step. Online communication then Phone communication. You can learn more from tone of voice and topics of conversations before moving to the coffee shop.
Expert Emily: That is a great idea....i would then suggest a coffee date but be sure to not keep on doing coffee dates...that can get really old! Some people prefer the the phone call first and others the coffee shop as the next step.....depends on what you like. I also suggest people going to an outdoor mall area to grab coffee and people watch. Whenever you lack conversation, you can always talk about others and make fun conversation. I also like suggesting that people go out on group dates or with a group of friends. Once you have been on several dates, it is important to see how the other person interacts with his/her friends....they put on their best show while dating but when they are with friends, they will probably be more themselves. And in regards to people watching, be sure not to make negative comments...but use the people watching for topic openers. I.e if you see an elderly couple, you can talk about your grandparents or see a young family and talk about how you want to have a family one day, etc.
Member4: ok, so start with online, if things go ok, decide if meeting or phone and making sure we meet friends and also get them out with our friends, then?
Member2: Pray and listen
Expert Emily: Then you guys continue to date but date intentionally....read the Drs Rodgers books on intentional dating, great stuff!
Expert Emily: Hope that this answered everyone's questions and was helpful! I think that we have gone through a lot tonight and have created a great outline for the dating process!

Cache' Connections members are free to join in the expert-led chats and community chats as part of their membership. Check out Scheduled Events for times and dates!

~Linda

Frantic Friday

After just barely getting reconnected with duties at the office after last weekend's Disney Getaway, we were back on the road again on Friday heading towards Chicagoland. Our first stop was Dyer, Indiana where we had an appointment with Pastor Charlie Contreras from Faith Church to discuss having an event for their singles. It's quite interesting that this meeting was as a result of a single from that church contacting Charlie and asking him to consider hosting a Cache' Connections event. Luci had come to an event at Parkview Christian Church last year and has had a difficult time connecting with other singles since her divorce. After praying about it, she heard God tell her "to do something about it," so she took it upon herself to contact Pastor Charlie, who was open to hearing her concerns and desires. Luci even took the day off work to meet with us, which really helped bring a single person's perspective to the discussion. We found Pastor Charlie very open to this request as he told us he had been single himself until he was 43, so he understood how difficult it can be. The bottom line is, he is very interested in holding an event and said they will be bringing a team to our 4-23 event at Christ Community!

We then headed to Aurora to meet with TLN to discuss the possibility of a Cache' Connections T.V. show. We don't want to give away too much, but the preliminary plans are for the show to be a cross between The Bachelor, American Idol and The Dating Game. Of course, it will be a Christian foundation with the underlying goal of providing advice for healthy relationships. We had a fun time touring the state-of-the-art facility and gathering info and tossing around ideas with Pete, who is in production and sales. We'll be praying about this one and in the meantime, will probably try out the show as an event on 6-4 at the Parkview Lockport Campus.

We topped off the day with a Cache' Connections wedding! Darrick and Marquita were connected personally by Kim and Linda back in September '09. Marquita had become very special in our hearts as she was a member who was constantly sending us notes of encouragement and support. When she asked us to keep a special eye out for her at an event, she was on the top of our mind when Darrick walked into the room. We connected the two of them the next day and the rest is history... just 5 months later, they were married! Best wishes to this special couple!

Happy Sunday!
Kim

"We never would have matched on paper"

This is something that a member told me recently. She and the guy she is talking to met in the Cache' Connections "The Meeting Room," which is the chat room for members. They got to know each other through community chats that lingered into private chats just between the two of them - perfectly alright by us!

We often hear of stories like this. In fact, we spoke to another member last weekend who is near uttering the "L" word to her special guy. She knew he was a solid believer and all-around good guy after their first date, but could not report any sparks. The sparks came after a few more dates. Having spent time with her, we can assure you that sparks are abounding in this relationship!

Too often we find that people are too quick to dismiss their potential connections. They either have too many choices - are terminal shoppers - or have such a strict "must have" list that no one human being can make the grade. We also see singles who seem only capable of taking a relationship to the 3rd or 4th date, then suddenly become disinterested or unavailable. These folks probably have some hidden fears or soul wounds that could be addressed with professional guidance, availing them to healthier relationships!

So the moral of today's story is: think outside of the box! God may have something different in mind for you that will be far greater than you could ever hope or imagine!

~ Linda

What's this about "Intentional Dating?"

To give you more of a taste from the Disney World Getaway singles conference last weekend, we thought we'd share with you what Drs. Tom and Bev Rogers said about "intentional dating" that they have developed. They explained how courting back in the early 1900's was much more intentional, families were involved, conversations were safe and little or no privacy was experienced by the courting couple. Flash forward to "hooking up," "hanging out" and all the confusion that has been brought by and large from the sexual revolution of the 1960's.

To limit the confusion and combat the game playing, Drs. Rogers developed "Intentional Dating," which you can read about in their book, "The Singlehood Phenomenon." This is a relationship that is moving toward courtship. If singles will practice intentionality in their dating experiences, they will attract intentional thinking daters. Intentional dating speaks to integrity. These daters understand that they are hardwired by God for love. Intentional daters know, like, and ARE who they are (no masks.) Intentional daters are conscious of their actions and thoughts - they know what they want and are willing to declare their intentions. Lastly, intentional daters have integrity of intentions, and follow the Golden Rule (do unto others as you would have them do unto you.) They are authentic, courageous and willing to face their fears.

Fears? That's a whole other blog or book. It is true that what is holding many singles back from healthy relationships is fear. Soul wounds from their past (and we all have them - there are no perfect parents) such as feelings of abandonment, rejection and inferiority are hindering their ability to indulge in a committed relationship. Check out "Soul Healing Love" written by Drs. Tom and Bev Rogers.
Click here for all books written by the Rogers.

~Linda

Disney Getaway Conference Review

If we could sum up this huge, first-time undertaking in one word, we would have to say it was flawless. We are so thankful that we cannot put our finger on one hitch in the entire weekend, aside from the unseasonably cool weather. We had just under 100 people in attendance and the space at Doubletree Guest Suites was perfect for this size of event. The hotel staff was wonderful and accommodating and Linda and I weren't upset at all that we were given a conference suite which included two bathrooms! One dirty little secret from staying at this hotel is that we love their chocolate chip cookies that are hot out of the oven and available just by going to the desk and asking for one... not really a plus for the diet plan though.

Drs. Tom and Beverly Rodgers had the audience at "hello," having wisely used humorous stories about the differences between men and women to start off. Dr. Bev is quite the "hambone" and has her New York accent down to a science as she regaled a true story about a counseling client who learned that she was able to be intentional in her relationships. Dr. Tom was quite transparent as he took us back to his college years when he wasn't quite so wise about declaring his intentions with Bev. The men especially could identify with his desperately stupid move to go pick her up at her knees in front of a large group of students and faculty when he saw another young man flirting with her. Bev retold the story of her roommates questioning her on this odd behavior by a boy named Tom. "What's up with that?" they asked. Bev said, "I don't know, but I like it!" The doctors have since developed a more structured approach to "intentional dating." There were many laughs and a few tears as singles were confronted with some issues that could be holding them back from having healthy relationships.

What was especially delightful was the opportunity to provide a forum for singles pastors to network. Similar to singles in the church, singles pastors have their specific challenges that too few fellow pastors can identify with. We witnessed these "meetings of the mind" in large groups as well as one-on-one between workshop sessions and over meals.

God provided rain to keep us satisfied to stay indoors on Saturday, the long conference day, then opened up the sunshine for the optional park day on Sunday. Saturday night we enjoyed hanging out with 30+ singles and a few speakers at Downtown Disney's Paradiso 37. We are so thankful for Jim, a First Baptist Orlando single, who picked us up on Sunday and got us in Epcot for free because he works at the park. Who said you can't have fun at Disney World without kids?... nobody whined or cried and we did the things we wanted to do. (Well, Linda would have preferred a few more thrill rides.)

The photos above are the pastors at the Friday night pizza party; Kim, Linda and a few new friends enjoying an early dinner before "go time"; and a photo with a very special lady named Lauree, an award-winning hostess who was a sheer delight to all who are fortunate enough to be her guest.

Overall, the event was quite successful and virtually all feedback was positive. We are talking with many of the pastors there about holding events in their churches later this year. So, we're back home and ready to take on the next adventure!

~Kim and Linda

~ Kim and Linda

So Many Women, So Little Dime

Brother, you can't spare a dime? Boy, I hear ya. With an economic recession affecting lots of guys, it's understandable why you might think now's not the time to date or search for that committed relationship.

Let me give you my two cents on this matter (which is about how much I had leftover after my last paycheck). First of all, while you don't want to come off as a cheapskate, the other side of the coin is you're not necessarily being a good steward of God's money by trying to impress every woman you meet by saying hi for the first time over steak and lobster! That really is a quick way to go broke, and frankly someone who's only interested in your money isn't the best for you anyway.

So ... let's stick to the coffee date and bookstore date for starters. If things don't work out, you won't need to hock your guitar at the pawn shop to pay your rent. Ah, but what if you are afraid of success? Meeting someone you want to keep dating doesn't mean you have to go bankrupt. In fact, some of my best dates have been free, and they have been rich experiences even when I didn't have two nickels to rub together. For example, here in Chicago there are wonderful museums, art galleries and indoor gardens that combine little or no cost with plenty of romance and good memories.

My all-time favorite, and in the middle of an icy winter, is visiting an indoor collection of plants, flowers and wildlife at a nature center or park venue like the Garfield Park Conservatory just west of Chicago. Warm and tropical right down to the palm trees without spending a dime of cold hard cash. Check it out in your town ... between youth concerts, college activities and nature walks you might not only save a buck, you may also find fantastic ways to have fun that are priceless and unforgettable at the same time.

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~ Jim McClure