Wednesday, September 15, 2010
The Romantic 3rd Date - Monday Night's Chat (subtitle: the first kiss!)
This past Monday we took on Chapter 14 of Dr. Stephen W. Simpson's book, "What Women Wish You Knew About Dating" by Dr. Stephen W. Simpson. Chapter 14: The Romantic 3rd Date.
Linda: you guys interested in hearing how this romantic 3rd date goes down, or just how it ends?
Chatter: From beginning to end!
Linda: ok. Well, let's assume you've been on Date 1 and 2 and they went well.
and now it's time for things that turn a date into a relationship. sound good? this date is important. this is the time people decide if you are a potential spouse around the 3rd date. you have to make sure you really like the girl if you are going for the Romantic Third Date. don't waste your time and money if you are not sure. just repeat the casual first and/or second date to continue getting to know her. ok? k. so.
3 Simple Rules for Asking a Woman Out on a Third Date. (u know it's serious when i capitalize!)
1. by now, you know it comes as a phone call not more than 3 days after the 2nd date. tell her again that you enjoyed the last date; look for a favorable response. unless she acts weird or apathetic, u r going to ask her out again.
2. keep the date a secret. tell her you want to take her out and tell her the time and date. tell her to dress nice.
Chatter: ooh mysterious.
Linda: if she asks what you will be doing, tell her it's a surprise.
Chatter: surprises are a good thing...it builds the suspense.
Linda: she will want more details on what to wear. if she describes an outfit, say "perfect." not just fine. if she comes up with something wacky like overalls or an old prom dress, tell her a skirt might work. lol. i'd suggest telling her to come hungry too.
Overview of the date: Meal. you need to choose a nice, romantic place to take her for dinner. think linen table cloths, etc. no franchises. make a reservation.
Chatter: i'm curious to know what the third rule is.
Linda: oh, um, oh that was how to tell her how to dress.
Chatter: so no Taco Bell :(?
Linda: Sorry. But, if budget is a huge problem, you have an alternative. any guesses?
Chatters: making dinner ;)
Picnic in the park by the lake?
Linda: You cook a meal for her. remember this book is written for guys.
Chatter: How do you know when it's safe to go to a guy's place after 3 dates?
Linda: hmmm ... for one thing you drive yourself there. and the guy is supposed to make you feel safe such as opening the curtains.
Chatters: I think after 3 dates you have a pretty good idea if the person is legit or not. i could be wrong.
I agree with (Chatter) because some men just are not good at hiding their true agenda.
i mean in between these dates i'm sure you are talking as well.
Linda: You really should have a good idea of the guy at this point, but you can't be too careful these days. so if you are not comfortable, there's an alternative. you can make the meal and take it on a picnic - by the lake!
Chatter: Guess I'm a little old fashioned...i usually meet in public for quite a few times. Plus, I'm careful about the sexual temptation of being at a guy's place too early in a relationship....hope this doesn't throw a monkey wrench in the plan. I would enjoy the meal by the lake on a 3rd date.
Linda: so don't be afraid to set your boundaries.
(Note: Please check out Cache' Connections Safety Tips.)
ok. so after dinner you are going to a theater or concert. a romantic one. not a movie and not a washed up band at a county fair. if all goes well u r going to kiss her.
Chatter: sounds like a great plan!
Linda: Ok, now for specifics. I'm not going through it all, but the main thing is to focus on her. pleasant, meaningful conversation is still your top priority!
(various comments about kissing dating goodbye, Boundaries in Dating, Boy Meets Girl and How to Get a Date Worth Keeping.)
Linda: want to know if u should hold her hand? or did we kiss that goodbye too?
Chatters: Holding hands is fine.
i think that holding hands is fine as long as you know where the direction of the relationship is going.
Linda: well here's Dr. Steve's ideas on if/when to hold her hand on this 3rd date.
so, at the theatre or concert, wait at least 10 minutes. then observe how she is sitting. if she is balled up as far away from you as she can get, don't hold her hand! also if she is sitting on her hands or folding them, no go.
Chatters: Ahhhh Body Language .101
Body language is key!
Linda: but, if she's kinda leaning toward you, has her hand poised on the armrest or resting palm up, go for it! start by placing your hand gently on top of hers. wait for response. (slap is bad) grasp her hand lightly if she responds positively.maybe try lacing your fingers around hers if it goes well. now relax and enjoy the show. if none of this goes well, try not to cry and there will Definitely Not be a Kiss later.
Chatter: gosh that's so nerve racking haha. once you go in for the kill though it's pretty sweet.
Linda: gotta take the risk. ok. so, after the show you can take her for a walk if it makes sense, or take her home. if things went well, whip out the single rose you hid beneath her car seat.
Chatter: A gal can always let a guy know, gently, if she's not comfortable with something yet.
Linda: good point (Chatter). and that's ok. and the guy is supposed to ask 'How Did That Make You Feel?" repeat it with me guys.
Chatter: How Did That Make You Feel?
Linda: 'HOW Did It Make You Feel When I Tried To Hold Your Hand?"
Chatters: I appreciate when a guy asks that kind of thing..
I do too.
& the fact that you planned flowers ahead of times goes a long way :)
It's nice if a guy asks if I'm okay with holding hands or kissing.
I agree with the asking first, instead of just assuming it's ok.
Linda: so either way, the date stops at the door. got it? there are ways to tell if a gal wants to be kissed. again, her posture, smile. if she lingers, that's good. if hand on door knob, bad.
Why Dr. Steve Thinks Kissing Is Important:
he even says it's necessary. he thinks that God wants you to kiss and and even thinks it's silly and a bit sad if you don't. it's symbolic. when you kiss a woman, you're expressing your feelings in a concrete way. you are showing her that you care and that she is special. (see why we waited for the 3rd date??) it's a way to express something that's too dear for words for the woman you care about. (I like that) and all the girls said (sigh....)
Chatter: i think its all about what your comfortable with though, if kissing leads to other things perhaps its better to refrain from it?
Chatter: Umm Chatter the first kiss is a short one. Not a 3hr football game. ::biggrin
Linda: Dr. Steve gives good ways to set boundaries on that.. and remember we're outside of the door and you are Not Going In. now stop making me use caps.
Steve says that women want to be kissed and she might even become confused and discouraged if you don't kiss her. she'll think u don't like her! so, kissing her before the time is right can cause confusion and pain, but so can not kissing her when the time is right. comments?.
Chatters: Ahhhhh, the first kiss. It's true. We want to know how you feel about us.
i have no problems kissing when the time is right.
Yes, pushing it too early isn't cool. But we do want the kiss to know you're in the game with us.
Linda: now for Kissing 101. ready? u packed your mints?
Chatters: We are all glued to our monitors!
bring it on.
Ready or not, here it comes....
Linda: well what do u know we have 5 Simple Rules!
No. 1. kinda gross but swallow all your spit. then put your mouth to hers and lightly slowly close your lips on hers. don't smack peck or smooch. kinda like taking a tiny taste of an ice cream cone, using only your lips.
No. 2 is interesting. her mouth should be opened wider than yours at all times. this is the most important thing to remember. whatever you do, don't go in with your mouth wide open and for heaven s sake don't stick your tongue in her mouth at the beginning of the kiss.
Chatters: Yes, Yes.
Linda: ever been kissed by a wide mouth?? it's like "what the heck do I do with This???" lol.
no? ok, i thought it was funny. are you all rolling on the floor?
It is hilarious. and Yes it was not a kiss but full on dinner.
Linda: No. 3. Move your mouth away and see what she does. If she pulls away, you're done kissing. If she doesn't and she's smiling or looking at you sweetly, repeat step 1.
4. If, after the 2nd little kiss, she seems to want another one, go for it. But! no tongue unless she goes first. if so, softly. This kiss is over in a minute or less.
Chatter: Isn't God pretty cool to make kissing so awesome? hahaha
Linda: ok i myself get a lil grossed out about this tongue talk but this book is the nitty gritty for guys. and it needs to be known. right?
Chatters: That's ok guys like that stuff. so what is No 5?
Linda: Aaaaahhh No. 5. Give Her A Hug And Say Something Sweet. (Chatter), want to take a stab at something sweet to say?
Linda: Anybody sweet?
I kissed dating hellooooo ::tongue. Just kidding!
You mean after the kiss?
I hope you liked that as much as I did hahaha
haha i dunno i like humor so.
It would work for me!
Linda: Great ideas! Steve suggest something like, "I care about you." "I like being with you." You mean a lot to me. sweet nothings ...
Chatter: I love humor and it would be nice to end the evening with a really nice smile. Good for you (Chatter).
Chatter: Ohhh. Gotcha.
Linda: but by all means be yourself! apparently the girls love ya!
Chatter: I like the "I like being with you"...it lets someone know you care about them and enjoy being with them...that they are special to you.
Linda: Yes. Be sure to follow the kiss with verbal affection. Now you go home and take a shower. End of night.
Join us next Monday night when we take on Chapter 14: "You Have A Girlfriend - Now What?" CLICK HERE for details on all Cache' Connections events.