Thursday, November 4, 2010
Please, no slobbery kisses ...
On Tuesday night in the public chat we discussed the first kiss and other questions you don't want to ask in Sunday School. Here are some of the highlights:
Linda: so questions on the first kiss?
Chatter: I think committed dating only. the boundaries are appropriate to this now.
Linda: first date? 2nd? 3rd?
Chatter: it's a serious matter, not for fun any more, as it was in college or high school. when the relationship is exclusive, not when dating around. so it could be the 6th date!
Chatter: has anyone heard of waiting 'til the wedding day to kiss?
Chatter: That would be brutal ::glare
Chatter: but could I do that? It would take enormous respect and resolve to save that for the wedding day!
Chatter: Yeah, it was kind of awkward at the ceremony though.
Linda: has anyone read this chapter in Dr. Stephen W. Simpson's book What Women Wish You Knew About Dating?
Chatter: I think I'd need to kiss someone to see if there's romantic chemistry. Is it possible that, with practice, the chemistry will improve?
Linda: I think so ... Dr. Steve recommends that there is some physical intimacy before the wedding date. Otherwise it can lead to too high of expectations, frustration, and more after the wedding.
Chatter: also, for people like me who have touch as their love language, that would be terrible.
Linda: ah, good point.
Chatter: what is the some intimacy b4 wedding date?
Linda: anything from holding hands to cuddling, kissing, massaging.
Chatter: I think the couple needs to talk about what they are comfortable with before things progress...and set boundaries ... also be accountable to someone for those boundaries.
Chatter: ah yes, accountability. I'm thankful I already have that in place, even though I don't really have the woman (sort of, but it's only a friendship, not dating yet)
Chatter: it's especially important when you have made mistakes in the past.
Linda: so, when do u think is a good time for first kiss?
Chatter: i have no idea.
Chatter: Sometimes that's a little hard to tell.
Chatter: I'm not good at reading the cues.
Linda: going back to Dr. Steve's book, not until the 3rd date, and only if things are going well. Le's talk cues.
Chatter: please define going well.
Linda: you had good first few dates, she is responsive, smiles a lot when you are together, you have plenty to talk about, shall i go on? "amazed" that you have this, that and the other in common ...
Chatter: I think 3rd date and only if I think it's someone I want to continue to date.
Linda: right. that goes along with "going well."
Chatter: that's pretty good, except, some ladies are just plain friendly. Is there more I ought 2 be aware of? Okay, I'll admit I'm not 2 bright, that's why I'm here. To learn.
Linda: i have some bad signals. "no kissing" signs. if her hand is on the door, she keeps turning away, looking past you ... these are signs Not to kiss her. These are covered in Dr. Steve's book "What Women Wish You Knew About Dating" and also you can find out more about this stuff on our new Dvd - Christian Dating Redefined.
Chatter: ooh better make sure that's on the top of stacks of books on my night stand, better yet the only one. I'm getting that Dvd - looking forward 2 it!!!
Linda: good signs: she is smiling up at you, standing, leaning close to you. looking into your eyes. did i mention smiling? laughing, playing with necklace or neck, or shaking her hair back. Those are all good signs.
Chatter: I know I can handle that!!! (=
Chatter: don't forget smiling.
Linda: any horror stories of a too soon kiss?
Chatter: I can't think of any too soon...but I've had a couple of guys who didn't know how to kiss properly...awkward!
Linda: tell us about a bad kiss.
Chatter: A good kiss should be like the one described on here awhile ago.... Like taking a small, delicate bite of an ice cream cone. Not smacking...and not juicy...like biting into a juicy apple!
Linda: right, right!! guy's mouth should never open wider than the girls!!!
Chatter: something like a decent handshake...not chopped liver and not crushing the hand!
Chatter: I don't like to be slobbered on...reminds me of a dog that drools...yuk.
Chatter: what kind of friendship is there here before getting to the 1st date?
Linda: the kind where you've been hanging out, enjoying each other's company, and you feel like you want it to go further. Then you ask her on a date. you will like the video :)
Chatter: thanks Linda! I am soooo looking forward to seeing that video!
Join us next Tuesday night at 8:00 pm CST. The requested topic is how to get that first date? Go to The Meeting Room and enter with your first or nickname and the room password: cachecommunity. The public chats are intended to help singles gain insightful information on dating issues. Slowly but surely, Cache' Connections is committed to changing the dating landscape of this country!
Footnote: For information on Cache' Connections DVD, "Christian Dating Redefined," click here.