Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Looking for the perfect Christian mate?
In short, give it up.
We all have ideals of what our perfect spouse would look like, talk like, and act like. We women are especially in tune with our Ken doll or Mystery Date that we've dreamed about since around the age of 10 - or was it 7? Likewise, most guys have a visual picture in their mind of what their beautiful wife will look like: her hair, her smile, her height and body type. The problem with this dream date is that there are no perfect people. Surprised? Of course not. Afraid? That might be more like it.
I think that one of the many reasons that dating as a Christian is more challenging (besides the obvious: finding other Christian singles, lack of guidance from the Church, no sex outside of marriage, being careful not to be unequally yoked, different religious backgrounds/beliefs/practices, etc.) is that we also know that God hates divorce. Therefore, we MUST find the perfect mate so that the risk of divorce is nil.
The problem with searching for the perfect mate is that it is focused on you - how Mr. or Ms. Right is going to complete you.
Scott Croft gives a great description on biblical attraction in his article titled: "Brother, You're Like a Six" published on Boundless Webzine. Scott wrote:
In Scripture, love is described not as a mere emotion based on personal desire (i.e., "attraction"), but as an act of the will that leads to selfless actions toward others. According to Jesus himself, the second-greatest commandment (after loving God) is to "love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:31). He also said "greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). Jesus' love for us did not result from our inherent loveliness or our wonderful treatment of Him. He didn't go to the cross as a spontaneous response triggered by mere emotion. His perfect love of us was a choice, an act undertaken despite our lack of attractiveness — and it led to both sacrifice and joy.
Scott tells of a couple he was counseling. The male, in his quest for a "10," was having a problem making a commitment to his godly girlfriend.
He also said that, while he found her basically attractive, there was one feature of hers that he "just pictured differently" on the woman he would marry. I would ask about her godliness and character and faith, and he said all those things were stellar (and he was right). Finally, he said, "I guess I'm looking for a '10'."
I could hold back no longer. Without really thinking, I responded, You're looking for a '10'? But, brother, look at yourself. You're like a 'six.' If you ever find the woman you're looking for, and she has your attitude, what makes you think she would have you?"
Oh how often we at Cache' Connections want to say this! There are no 10's. Well, even if you find one, his or her ego would be intolerable or your feelings of jealousy or inferiority would eat the relationship from the inside out.
At Cache' Connections, we suggest taking a better look at biblical attraction. CLICK HERE to read the article in its entirety and to find the balance between biblical attraction and worldly attraction.