Friday, September 2, 2011

Great Relationship Assessment Tool from Focus on the Family

At Cache' Connections, we love helping people make better decisions about how they handle their relationships. Just the other night, a Facebook friend asked for advice on how to determine her boyfriend's intentions. Although he had stated that he wanted to marry her, he has not said anything else or done anything about moving forward in that direction.

DTR - Define The Relationship. If you are not familiar with this phrase, it's a common one in the area of dating. I came across this great article from Focus on the Family's Boundless Webzine titled, "Do You Have More Connection Than Clarity?" It even includes a nifty little assessment tool that will help you see where you stand with your "friend," and then send you an email with some sound advice. Here's part of that article:

DTR Assessment

Do you have a relationship with more connection than clarity?

When a guy and a girl have some level of attraction or chemistry, they often begin to demonstrate evidence of a growing connection. They spend time together. They begin opening up. They begin to show care for each other. They may show affection through touch or things they say or write.

But what does that evidence mean? Things that implied a promising relationship in another day are often just perks expected of a good friendship today. Additionally, many couples at various stages in their relationship now connect in ways that only engaged or married couples did in other times. begin the assessment!

Have you had a friendship or relationship develop to a point where there really seems to be something between you only to find yourself wondering where the momentum went — wondering if you're stuck or even losing ground?

It's the imbalance between the evidence of connection and clarity that can create anxiety in a relationship. Someone who feels a strong connection growing with another person but doesn't know his or her status with that person may feel vulnerable and maybe even taken advantage of.

When the evidence of connection greatly exceeds clarity, it's helpful for couples to have a "define the relationship" talk commonly known as a "DTR." This is a conversation between two people dating or contemplating dating to discuss where the relationship is heading. It can be as simple as, "Are we a couple or are we just friends attracted to each other," to "Is my boyfriend of 3 years thinking about marriage at all?"

DTRs can be scary. Done too soon (before a relationship has had some time to develop naturally) they can convey desperation and push the other person away. But they can also be done too late. People who don't want to mess up the delicate dance of a relationship may put off a DTR as long as possible. They might prefer to just enjoy their connection and hope for the best from each other rather than going through the awkward process of asking what their connection means in terms of exclusivity and the future.

We strongly encourage those who are in a dating relationship to read the rest of this article and take the assessment. Most folks who are over the age of 30 or so don't have time to waste on relationships that are heading nowhere. DTR!

CLICK HERE to read the article and take the assessment.

Have a great weekend!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

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