Passionate Pursuits - Part 2

Have you heard the expression,"if at first you don't succeed, try and try again?" Benjamin Franklin said, "Diligence is the mother of good luck." Joyce Meyers states, "But it's more than luck, isn't it? It's about having a determined attitude that says, I will do this forever if that is what I need to do. I will not quit. I will not give up. I am determined." We've heard so many singles tell us that they are giving up. Understandably, we all want to do what comes natural when we are hurt or disappointed - we want to retreat or escape the pain. Proverbs 10:4 says the diligent man will bear rule and will be rich. Linda and I have had to repeat scripture regarding diligence and perseverance many times in building Cache' Connections - when certain situations have seemed impossible or hopeless. We have reminded each other to take our eyes off the circumstances and turn our thoughts towards God's word and His promises. It is a difficult task to control your thoughts which control your attitude, but we have found when we do this, things have always worked out in one way or another. We want to encourage you to set your mind, focus on God's word when the going gets tough and persevere to the goal!

Passionate Pursuits - Part 1

Joyce Meyer's book, I Dare You, really drives home the philosophy of living life with passion. We are devoting the next few blogs to this topic as taking responsibility for our lives in the area of self-discipline and obedience to God's word are the starting point, but it doesn't end there. What if we could actually live our lives with passion - I'm not talking about just the sexual kind - I'm talking about living everyday with full-blown, living out loud surrender....taking risks, loving completely and forgetting what lies in the past. What if we awoke everyday and proclaimed..."Here I am God, send me!" And then, what if we step out of that box that the world has duped us into believing we fit into. Taking responsibility for how we live is a brave thing. It takes courage to accept life as it comes to us and it also takes courage to be determined to make the most we can out of it. God tells us in John 10:10 that He has come to give us life that we may enjoy it and "have it in abundance." If we were honest with ourselves, we would all agree that we have an innate desire deep inside each of us to reach for goals that seem unreachable. We all need something to strive for, to work toward, and to dream about. We need a reason to get out of bed in the morning and one that is greater than merely existing for another day. Maybe it's time to start living life boldly, seeking God's will and trusting Him in all circumstances. Tired of making excuses because of your fears? Only a few of us step out of our safety zones and ever dare to follow our hearts. Will you dare to be different? Will you dare to live life like you mean it?

You Are Responsible for Your Own Life

Today I'm sharing from my devotional book by Joyce Meyer: new day, new you. James 1:22: "Be doers of the word, not hearers only."

"One of the biggest problems in society today is that people don't want to take responsibility for their lives. They want quick fixes. Society has trained them to believe that if they have problems, somebody else is responsible. Their parents are responsible. Their spouses are responsible. Their schools or employers are responsible. The company that made the cigarettes or vehicle or junk food is responsible.

I'm not saying you are responsible for the current state of your life. Lots of uncontrollable events occur in our lives. Sometimes we do get very bad messages in childhood. Sometimes we have bad people in our lives who hurt us. The situation you find yourself in may or may not be your fault. But it is your fault if you take it lying down! You do not have to stay in that bad situation. You get to make a choice. And that choice is 100 percent yours.

No matter how you got to where you find yourself today, don't let it be an excuse to stay there. I had many excuses and reasons for my poor health, bad attitude, and unbalanced life. As long as I offered excuses, I never made progress.

The time has come to be very honest with yourself and with God. When you have a moment of privacy, take a deep breath, clear your head, and repeat this phrase: 'I am responsible for my own life. No one can take charge of it but me. If I am unhappy or unhealthy, I know I have the power to change that. I have all the help and knowledge I need; and with God's hand today, I start becoming the person of excellence I have always known I could be.'"

The Singlehood Phenomenon Part 10!

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 10: Concern that marriage will fail. No surprise here, considering the divorce statistics. Interestingly, however, there is a trend toward a more optimistic view of marriage among younger singles - Generation Y. Author Pamela Paul calls this "matrimania" and feels these younger singles are marrying in response to observing their Generation X friends and relatives growing older without getting married. Research from 1997 shows that 9 out of 10 twenty-somethings said that a happy marriage is part of their ideal life, ranking higher than career in most cases. Unfortunately, many of these earlier marriages are ending in divorce, and have been termed as "starter marriages." Yikes! Of course, "trial marriages" or cohabitation has been pervasive in our culture for the past 20 years or so. However, 4 decades of research have revealed that couples who choose cohabitation typically experience a higher divorce rate, have less financial stability, less faithfulness and are less happy than those who choose lawful marriage. Sadly, some parents of Generation Y'ers are encouraging cohabitation as a result of their own painful divorces. However, God tells us in his word that "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge." Hebrews 13:4. There is a plethora of help available to couples considering engagement, including books, tapes, counseling, personality inventories, relationship skill development, etc. I will leave you with Drs. Rodgers' bit of profound wisdom: "Marriage is not luck, it is skill!"

The Singlehood Phenomenon, Part 9

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 9: An Unbalanced Focus on Career. Many women are finding themselves entering their 40's still single and childless, yet very successful and fulfilled in their careers. The trouble is they are doing such a good job at their jobs that they have little room for anything else. Likewise, examples are given of men who are so involved in their careers and ministry that they don't feel there is room to add a wife and family. In taking a deeper look into their lives, however, it is often found that there are doubts and fears that are driving them so far away from seeking a godly relationship. As in so many aspects of life, a healthy balance is key. Three single counseling patients were found to have the following reasons for having an unhealthy focus on careers: 1) their careers were something they could control. 2) they were more successful at their careers than they were at love (they put their energy into areas where they did well in order to feel good about themselves). 3) their careers were something they could count on to reward them (there are no guarantees in the business of love) There is an interesting report of one client who was heavily involved in ministry and had a tendency "puff himself up" to such a level that it was a turnoff for woman. So, what about you? Are you using your career to compensate for loneliness or to hide your painful feelings of past hurts?

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 8:

Not Dealing with Prior Heartbreak.
There is an insightful quote regarding the pain of a break-up by Mark McMinn in his book, "Psychology, Theology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling": "Discomfort often motivates insight, and when we use clinical tricks to erase misery prematurely from our clients' lives, we short-circuit their opportunities for emotional and spiritual growth. Throughout Scripture and throughout the history of the Christian Church, God has used pain to bring people to maturity." Yet how many singles try to short-circuit the pain of a break-up by forming rebound relationships - relationships that are a forum for unresolved grief to be expressed in bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. Chapter 8 gives some solid advice on dating after a break up, including "intentional dating." Read how "feeling is healing," despite our society's reluctance to express grief. Follow Bill and Stacy's journey of their rebound relationship that started our very rocky and how they found help to identify their reactivity and change their patterns, beginning with forgiveness.

The Singlehood Phenomenon Part 7

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 7: Wanting the perfect mate. Could you be a perfectionist dater? Always finding something wrong with the person you are dating? Waiting for bells, whistles, rainbows, stars and stripes? While some level of attraction and chemistry is necessary for love to flourish, society has force-fed us with very unrealistic notions of romance and sex. In Chapter 7, love is defined, as well as what it is not. There are some very interesting pieces about the science of attraction, and how this is God's design for healthy offspring. Huh, imagine that! Read about the chemicals in your brain and the science behind infatuation and that feeling of euphoria or the natural high experienced with new love. What a clever God we serve! Read also about the specific time frame when these wear off and love suddenly becomes ... well, a little bit more like our parents (if they are still married.) We learn that love is a conscious choice, almost a daily decision that frankly isn't always easy. So, how about you? Are you always looking for that irresistible attraction? Perhaps you need to take another look. Sometimes true love comes in the form of a spiritual nudge - kinda like that still, small voice that we know is the Holy Spirit. (Footnote: for those too young to recognize the photo, check out the 1979 movie "10": http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078721/)

The Singlehood Phenomenon Part 6

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 6: Fear of getting hurt. Many singles have been through a painful breakup or divorce, leaving deep scars and fears that either consciously or unconsciously prevent them from taking risks on future relationships. 39-year old Patti had worked hard to lead a righteous life and maintain her purity, only to find herself to be the last one standing among her not-so-righteous friends who found husbands. She lamented, "If I have to attend one more wedding of a girl in my church group who I know did not live according to Scripture, I'll scream!" (How many of you can relate to THAT?) The sense of unfairness of it all caused Patti to stop socializing, but instead poured herself into her work and children's ministry. She adopted the all-too-common attitude that if God wants her to have a mate, he will just have to make it happen. I chuckle that the authors write that "God is not a genie," when referring to those who bank on his omnipotence and don't feel that have to take any measures to make something happen. The fact is in most cases that fear has paralyzed singles so that they are unconsciously sending out "no dating" vibes. As you read this chapter, your eyes will be opened to the power of fear and how it presents itself in the form of negative messages from the enemy, control issues and even pride. Drs. Rodgers helped Patti to confront her fears and put feet to her faith, which allowed her to find the desire of her heart. :)

The Singlehood Phenomenon, Part 5

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 5. A poor understanding of the purpose of marriage. Although most singles will state that they would like to find a soulmate and enter into marriage, they also participate in a lot of joking, sarcasm and negativity about marriage. With a divorce rate over 50% and all of the profound fallout thereof, it's no wonder that singles are fearful of entering into marriage. Those whose parents are divorced are unable to trust their partners for the security of their future marriages. Our independent culture, where everyone is out for themselves and it is much easier to be self-sufficient than in the days of yesteryear, adds to the dilemma. However, we know that we were built for community because we are commanded to love one another. It is one of the main ways we learn to give up our self-centered natures. Our culture needs an overhaul of our view of marriage, and it begins with God's word - his design for community at the most personal level, and that is within God's strategic design for marriage. This chapter deals specifically with reasons why men tend to avoid marriage, even though it was ADAM who originally longed for relationship.

The Singlehood Phenomenon Part 4

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 4: Confusion About the Rules. Society seems to have such a casual attitude about dating, as opposed to the ritual of "calling" of our grandparents and great grandparents' era. Women aren't sure who is supposed to take the lead, who is supposed to pay, and how does a best-friendship advance to taking more serious steps, involving accountability and intentional dating? Since the 1950's, social trends such as "hanging out," recreational and group dating, and the sexual revolution have caused confusion for both men and women. It was no shock for me to read in this chapter that women want men to take the lead and want to be pursued; we frequently hear this from our female members at Cache' Connections. The doctors write: "Men were designed by God to be the leaders, but they have stepped back. Women, in their impatience, have stepped up." This aggression from the women adds to the confusion for the men. In this chapter,Drs. Rodgers spell out what they have titled "terms of intentional dating," which is a balanced cross between the marriage-focused days of courtship and the casual, recreational dating of today. Read all about them, along with some real-life stories of couples who have experienced these issues and addressed them head-on with the help of professional counseling.

The Singlehood Phenomenon Part 3

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 3: Unresolved issues from the past. It is typical that people resist looking at the past to see how it has affected them. However, your past can have a huge impact on your present, especially when it comes to relationships. This chapter goes rather in depth of on the topic of soul wounds and the six stages of social development. If you were wounded as a child (and the authors claim that we all have soul wounds), this will greatly affect the type of mate you will attract, as well as how you respond in relationship conflicts. Lots of good stuff in this chapter, too much to give detail here! Get the book!

The Singlehood Phenomenon Part 2

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 2: Lack of faith in God's provision. As the singles population is getting older, many of them are losing hope and finding it hard to believe that God has a soulmate for them. Many of these skeptical singles are looking outward with a critical eye and have sworn off dating, touting 2 Corinthians 7:8-9 "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain (single) even as I am." Drs. Rodgers point out, however, that Paul did not say there is anything wrong with marriage and that being single is the only way to serve the Lord. Drs. Rodgers encourage singles to look inward at themselves and to ask the Lord to reveal anything that could be standing in the way of finding love. Poor experiences with the opposite sex and within your family of origin can cause "closed heart syndrome." God wants singles, along with others who have a deep yearning for something that seems impossible, to obey - and take a risk. This will naturally cause other lessons that God loves to teach us like faith, humility, trust and how to fully depend on Him. We can take comfort, however, knowing that God is with us through these acts of obedience and that He loves to bless those who delight themselves in the Lord. (Psalm 37: 4-5)

The Singlehood Phenomenon Part 1

Cache' Connections is partnering with Drs. Tom and Bev Rodgers, along with several churches, to address issues discussed in the doctors' book, The Singlehood Phenomenon. The book lists the top 10 reasons why singles are avoiding marriage, so I thought I'd address these in my forthcoming blogs. Here we go:

Reason No. 1

Skepticism about Love and Marriage.

The number of singles in the U.S. is on the rise - about 50% of the adult population is single. This is the oldest and largest singles population ever recorded in history. The main reasons for singles' skepticism include the high divorce rate, relational insecurity, fear of getting hurt, and our narcissistic culture. We are reminded, however, that our desire for a mate is God-given. In Genesis 2, we see that God was pleased with all of Creation, except for the fact that Adam was alone. Adam desired companionship and intimacy; in fact, all humans are hardwired for love. So don't feel guilty or ashamed about your desire for a mate. Instead, let's take a look at what might be holding you back from seeking and finding your soulmate.

Keep Speaking!

I think sometimes we forget how powerful our words and thoughts are. Our faith is released in how we think and speak. Take for instance the woman who suffered with the issue of blood for 12 years (Mark 5:25-28). No doctor was able to help her, although she had spent all of her money trying to treat her illness. Surely she had thoughts of hopelessness! But when she heard about Jesus, she went out of her way to touch the hem of His garment. Different version state that she "kept saying" or "she thought"... "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed." Of course, Jesus told her that it was her faith that healed her. So I'm just wondering, have your examined your thoughts lately? Are you proclaiming God's favor over your circumstances? Kim and I continually thank God for what he is doing in and through Cache' Connections, as we give the business to Him every day. Although we are far removed from the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but we are confident that our God is able to do above and beyond all that we can imagine or hope for. I encourage you today to train your mind to think positively about that special mate that you long for. Thank God out loud for what He is going to do, as well as for the waiting period. For we know, all things work for the good for those who love and serve the Lord.

Take Your Stand and ACT!

Many singles express a feeling of hopelessness in their situation. They describe to us how they feel incapable of changing their circumstances... saying maybe God wants them to do nothing but just wait on Him. So, they wait... doing the same things, going the same places. Is this what God calls us to do? Will He supernaturally bring that person we are waiting for to our doorstep?... not to say God isn't capable of doing that, but just imagine God is saying something else to us... Take for instance the story of King Jehoshaphat in the Old Testament when his community was about to be attacked by a several massive armies of which he had no resources or power to overcome. Jehoshaphat was terrified by this news and cried out to the Lord for help. The Lord answered through one of his people and instructed them to not be afraid and "take your positions: then stand still and watch the Lord's victory." So, back to my question: Is this an example of God telling us to do nothing... Well, let's take a deeper look. Did the people stay in bed the next day, cover their heads with their blankets and wait for God to deliver them? Remember, he said to "take your position." God was calling them to prepare themselves - position themselves for God to work. King Jehoshaphat and his people gathered together and marched as an army singing praises to God. As God had promised, they were completely unharmed by the attacking forces who turned on each other and these threatening armies were ultimately destroyed. The holy spirit may be directing us to act when he is bringing thoughts to our minds repeatedly. If the opportunity lines up with God's word, then I recommend you jump in and give it a chance. It gives us confidence to take action and take some control over our situation!

Stepping out in Faith

So I started a book titled "Lessons I learned in the Dark" last night by Jennifer Rothschild. I must admit I wasn't too excited about starting it, but needed a break from the computer and TV. It's the story of how Jennifer lost her sight in high school and how that has affected her faith and life. I'm in her grip already at page 28 as she explains the terror of leaving the safety of home and going off to college completely alone and in the dark. Although she was went through mobility training, she had such fears as: who's gonna check my makeup for me? (I can identify!) Who's gonna tell me what food is on my plate? How will I really know if there are no car coming when I'm crossing the street? My question would have been: how will I know where to go and where the doors and sidewalks are ... I can't imagine. Jennifer heard her heavenly Father tell her: "You must take a step. I've prepared you to go, and deep down you want to walk by faith." She goes on to say, "When we do step out, like the heroes of the faith in Hebrews 11, we'll find the treasures that God has reserved for those who lean completely on Him." Within two weeks, Jennifer stumbled upon the wonderful man who became her husband. So, I'm just wondering - what steps of faith might you need to be making? It is evident from the Old Testament to the New Testament that God will work within our faith and action. If you are already a member of Cache' Connections, you have taken that first step and we applaud that. What else might God be waiting for you to do? Are you interacting with your connections? Are you open to the type of mate that God might have for you, or is your check list too long and stringent? We have seen and heard over and over again success stories that begin something like this: "I would have NEVER ..." We urge you to be open and willing to take the next steps and prayerfully ask the Lord to help keep your heart and mind open for what He wants to do to fulfill your longing for a soul mate. ~ Linda

How was your worship this weekend?

At our church, Northwoods Community Church, we had a visiting worship pastor candidate lead the worship. It was awesome! He seemed to put together a package (sorry, kinda worldly sounding) including videos, specials and worship songs for all of us to enjoy. It was evident that he had many of us pumped up for God. I find it interesting that different individuals enjoy different styles of worship. Last week I visited a friend's church to support their child's dedication to God. The worship was much more traditional and included a lot of organ music. I am thankful that God enjoys all styles of worship! It is true that worship is more than music, though we seem to put the emphasis on that. Worship is partly your attitude toward God and others throughout your day. You worship God when you give your all at work or school. When you work to be the best "you" you can be, that is worship. Is that awesome or what? Romans 12:1 "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..." In other words, it's not about you, it's about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen!

3 Months and Counting...

Three months after launch and all is well! Wow, we've had our doubts at times and some scary moments, but we're so excited to see our many hours of hard work paying off. After running a test market in Rockford, Illinois, we now have a better view of what marketing campaigns work and which ones don't. For instance, Christian radio is definitely more productive than secular, and on-air interviews on respected Christian radio helps build our credibility. We have several new campaigns in the works such as our first big event, area-wide small group studies, roundtable meetings with church leaders and new radio markets across the nation. Hold on to your hats...Cache' Connections is coming to town! On another note, we are excited about our Single Spotlight Contest on Shine radio featuring Henry as our bachelor of the month. He is an amazing example of a cool guy and true believer that is living out his commitment to dating another Christian. Take a look at http://www.cacheconnections.com/singlespotlight/henry.

We give all the glory to our Heavenly Father - praises to Him who has given us this destiny and business!

It was so confirming to hear the words of a client at a recent Mark Harris concert we were at in Peoria, IL. She knew we would be there and stopped by to say hi, but was very intent about something she wished to express. Her words went something like this...."I just want to thank you guys for what you are doing. I have felt somewhat forgotten and alone, but it has given me such hope to know that you guys care and are trying to help bring Christian singles together." Her words really went to the heart of the matter of why this business started. Christian singles maybe aren't valued in today's society, but God holds them in high esteem for their commitment to following his word. We want Christian singles to know we understand their struggles to find a Christian mate and we want them to be confident and proud of this commitment. God tells us in his word that he will bless us abundantly for believing in his word and obeying his word. Therefore, hold your heads high, Christian singles, and know that God cares and he's working things out for your good!

August Sale - 50% off!

Now is a great time to "get out of the boat" and give Cache' Connections a try. For a limited time, sign up for 6 months and get 50% off of your subscription - that's a $49.97 value!

Let's face it, forming relationships takes time. This will give you an opportunity to build your profile and start communicating with your connections.

As Summer comes to an end, this a great time to begin thinking about developing new relationships. Your special someone could be just a click away!

PROMO CODE: AUG0806. This offer expires on August 31, 2008.

Blessings,
Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections