Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for?
This was the big question posed by Pastor Andy Stanley, Senior Pastor of North Point Community Church in Atlanta, Georgia in a message to singles. We've selected Andy's DVD titled, "The New Rules of Love, Sex & Dating" as part of the teaching material for the upcoming Christian Dating Redefined program. This week we reviewed the material and were quite impressed with Andy's insights, fresh, energetic delivery and heart for Christian singles.
In one of the chapters, Andy tells the story of a young woman who told her mother that she recently met the "dreamiest" guy. She told her mother about all the wonderful attributes he possessed - all of the characteristics of the man she wants to marry someday. After her daughter finished her enumeration of his winning qualities, the mother tenderly told her, "Honey, that kind of guy isn't looking for a girl like you." The young woman was crushed and immediately recognized the truth of the hurtful statement and fell into a heap of tears.
This is a true but sad story, for sure. But it is also true and sad for many singles. We've found that oftentimes singles spend most of their lives dreaming of their perfect mate. Come on - admit it. Since the time we played house at the tender ages of 5 or 6, we've been forming an image of our imaginary spouse in our minds. While we realize that no one is perfect, we carry an invisible list around of what our perfect mate looks like: he loves the Lord, adores children and animals and frequently helps little old ladies cross the street; he rises up each morning, makes the coffee, wakes me up and calls me "blessed" and teaches our children to do the same; he makes well over $100K in the ministry, where he is well-respected, lives above reproach and is genuinely liked by others. His sense of humor is unmatched. Although he's the best-looking man in town with sparkly blue eyes, a full head of dark, wavy hair and a 6'2" stature, he only has eyes for me. He gives generously to the church, regularly travels on mission trips and is involved heavily in the community at large, always with an eye and a heart for those who need Jesus. Oh, and he often but randomly brings me little love gifts!
Who wouldn't love and want this man? The problem is, first of all, he doesn't exist. So if you want to continue dreaming, go for it. It is kind of fun, after all. The second problem may be, however, that this perfect man is looking for a perfect woman. I won't go into details, but you know what he is looking for in his mate. The question is, is that woman you? If it isn't, what could you be working on to become more attractive to such a man? Or, do you stick tight to your "must have" list, boxing yourself into such a corner that no man can fit the bill?
Of course, this article is written to the extreme, and we don't mean to pick on the women. We've seen many men set themselves up to be unmatchable in such a way. The point is that we want singles to be open to new ways of thinking - be open to whatever type of man or woman might have for you. Aside from that, we love to see singles take measures to become "that guy" or "that girl" that Mr./Ms. Wonderful is looking for: emotionally, physically, and relationally. It is often our prayer that Cache' Connections members take measures so they will be healthy daters. You see, as Andy Stanley makes clear in his DVD series, healthy marriages are made up of healthy individuals.
What have you done for your Dream Date lately?