Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Should the woman make the first move?
By far this is the most common question that Cache' Connections receives from members. I'm sure we've blogged about it before, but for those of you who don't have half a day to research our three-year trail of blog entries, I thought I'd put this at the top of the heap today.
Here's what a female member wrote the other day: Are the same male connections that I am receiving also sent my profile? I am encouraged to communicate with them unless the male is supposed to begin communication and prefers to pursue.
Our response: Thanks for the note. You may wish to review the Matching System and Matching Method under How It Works. All connections are mutual. We do encourage the females to send a note to those male members she is interested in. We've yet to meet a man who complains that he didn't get to send the first message :)
We tossed this topic out on Facebook asking if we were right. Here are some responses:
Paul: You are correct Linda.
Jim: if you were interested in me (back when) you would have to tell me because I missed all the hints.....
Anne: Yes, you are right, Linda. If I hadn't proposed to Larry, we still wouldn't be married. I say go for it women!
Ronda: So ... for those of us "older" daters, are the 'old school' dating rules still applicable? Guys should initiate the conversations, never contact the guy first, etc.? I am SOOOOO confused : )
Anne: I was an "older" dater, married at 48 for the first time and I took the initiative. If you get signals from a guy but he hasn't asked you out, he might be shy.
Linda: wrong Ronda! anything goes for initiation!
Tom: there's nothing wrong with a woman showing interest, but trusts God that the man will respond. But, what woman wants a man who won't take initiative?
Linda: but what man doesn't like a free clue? :)
Bob: I agree, Men dont see what a woman sees.
Mary: I agree with you Linda, guys sometimes don't see the signs females are interested.
April: I have sent the first message to a lot of guys. I don't really like doing it. I want to be pursued. Is that so wrong?
Vicky: Online is different than in person. In person you can tell by a look or actions if there is interest. Online you cannot. So one must throw out that first "look" online to know that the other is interested. Once that is done, then he will be able to pursue.
Ray: Yes the ladies should! What's wrong with a little "nudge"? The guy may be put-off by the idea that a woman takes the first step, or perhaps he's thinking "she's way out of my league" [and HE needs to at least give her a chance...a woman's... intuition is usually really good...and if she is right about you, that could potentially be life-changing...and who doesn't want life change in the relational area of their lives???]. But if there seems to be little hope for the two to ever meet in person first - because of time, distance or a reluctance to attend a 'live' event - this can be a way of starting the "getting to know each other" process...
I'd like to add that if my memory serves me correctly, our very own Cache' Connections President Kim admitted that she sent some type of a message to her (now) husband that she was interested. Apparently he took the lead from there. Thirty-two years later, who can argue with that?
In a perfect world, all women would be pursued by men - rescued from singleness from our knight in shining armor. He would be tall, dark, handsome, rich, and generous to a fault. He would love the Lord with all his heart and be anxious to be the spiritual leader of the household. There would be one perfect man for each woman, and everyone would live happily ever after. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that perfect man doesn't exist. (I often wonder if women use the "I want to be pursued" excuse as a cover-up for her fear of intimacy ... probably another blog.) Lastly, the idea of men being the pursuers is a cultural directive. We've not found anything in the Bible that says that women should not pursue men.
So go ahead ladies, make your move.