Here's an email we received from an Atlanta friend yesterday. She gave us permission to quote her anonymously:
I am from australia and finding christian men here here very wishy washy and not willing to state their intentions as the good doctors advised the few stray men who fronted up to first baptist atlanta 2 weeks ago . They are the worst dilly dalliers I have come across and border on being spineless. Why is that so? Especially those above 40. Its not pretty out there but u know that I am sure. If we sit still and wait we turn old and grey. If we stand up to be noticed we are considered non proverbs 31. Finding the USA christian dating scene worse than in australia in terms of quality God inspired capable financially stable (I don't mean wealthy) men with backbone who look after themselves and know what they need (not want) from a long term relationship. Hoping when I join cache that will all change and I can write back again and refute my own words . Bless u for your attempts to minimize the alarming statistcs on christian singledom. Extra stars in your crowns for sure.
Any rebuttal from the men?
~Linda
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8 comments:
After the event, this over 40 man has prayed to be more intentional not only in dating but in all relationships. I think the woman's assessment is a bit harsh and if a man over 40 ventured out to such an event, then he is expressing an interest in getting unstuck concerning dating, I would think. Look, I know that the numbers are favorable to men in these situations but the last person I would want to date is someone who is going to be hard on me. A lot of us already tend to be a little hard on ourselves for being single and over 40. I think encouragement and Phillipians 2:3 is a good path for all of us to take.
I too lived overseas for many years and have to agree with the woman that this singlehood phenomenon is an ISSUE particularly related to the christian community in the U.S.
For some reason, men have difficulty moving beyond the friendship stage into a seriously committed relationship. I beleive this has a lot to do with the womens movement in the past which has placed men in the shadow...and they (the men) have allowed for it to happen and are yet to step up and claim back their God-given position as leaders of their families. Also, the culture of the world has penetrated the church in the U.S and there is no net distinction between a man of God and a man without God when it comes to leadership and decision-making, or if any it's very minimal. Today's christian men are CONFUSED as far as what their role is and need to be lead by the hand and taught by older men of God how to take up their positions and roles both in the family and in the body of Christ.
Anonymous 40+ female
I have to agree that some of my single christian friends do tend to think their domestic goddess will simply fall into their laps without much effort from their part. The other half has such high expectations (i.e Mother Teresa in Beyonce's body) that it also put the courtship way out of context! ... we need to educate these men to listen to "I need a hero" by Bonnie Tyler before they go and pray for a wife!!
chuckle... I no doubt believe my sisters raise some very valid points. Perhaps though the perspective is slightly shaded. This reminds me of elementary and high school - every guy figured the pretty girl had a boyfriend - after all how could "she" be single?
We men, Christian men that is, aren't ones to jump up and make inquiry or declare our appreciation and desire to meet without knowing that she's available. We've heard about David and Bathsheba so much that we don't want to come between another fella and his possible significant.
We need some intelligence / information first, before we make our move. I think it's part of the man code?
Hi Anonymous,
I totally agree and included such a message in yesterday's blog. You guys need an indication that there is interest.
Thanks for posting!
Linda
To the fellow above I say: If she's wearing a wedding band, she's NOT available, but then of corse she wouldn't be at singles events either right? If she's at a singles gathering and is NOT wearing a band on the left ring finger, chances are she's available and waiting ON YOU to make the move!..just don't wait toooo long! lol! I usually loose interest and pass on men that are "slow pokes" and just plain indecisive. Yes, there's a man code but that is not an excuse NOT to FIND OUT whether or not she's available if you're truly interested in the lady.
Hi Anon,
This is true assuming he's at a singles event. Unfortunately many churches do not have singles functions, rendering the situation akin to searching for a single-ready-to-day needle in a Christian haystack!
I see both sides of this coin but we all need to lend grace and lower ALL expectations (which includes a Beyonce' body in a 40 something female.)
Linda
Wow, this must be an Atlanta thing. My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday after 7 months for the 3rd time because he is wishy washy. Seems he only wants me when he cant have me nd when he knows he has me he doesnt want me anymore. Why cant he be a man and step up to the plate. I have learned my lesson. Listen to your friends, listen to your family, listen to your inner voice, dont ignore the red flags. If he tells you he has a history of trying to conquer women and once he does he does with them HE IS PROBABLY STILL THE SAME. Let him go and let him grow up. He needs to learn how to be a Christian man and be intentional, not just his words, his actions and not just for 2 weeks, CONTINUOUSLY! I am a precious daughter of God and I will not let him play with my heart like its just a glob of play doh anymore. I am worth more and deserve more. My heavely father does not want me to feel this way and I shouldnt let anyone determine my worth. I am wonderfully made in my heavely fathers eyes and he is the only man I need!
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