The Singlehood Phenomenon Part 10!

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 10: Concern that marriage will fail. No surprise here, considering the divorce statistics. Interestingly, however, there is a trend toward a more optimistic view of marriage among younger singles - Generation Y. Author Pamela Paul calls this "matrimania" and feels these younger singles are marrying in response to observing their Generation X friends and relatives growing older without getting married. Research from 1997 shows that 9 out of 10 twenty-somethings said that a happy marriage is part of their ideal life, ranking higher than career in most cases. Unfortunately, many of these earlier marriages are ending in divorce, and have been termed as "starter marriages." Yikes! Of course, "trial marriages" or cohabitation has been pervasive in our culture for the past 20 years or so. However, 4 decades of research have revealed that couples who choose cohabitation typically experience a higher divorce rate, have less financial stability, less faithfulness and are less happy than those who choose lawful marriage. Sadly, some parents of Generation Y'ers are encouraging cohabitation as a result of their own painful divorces. However, God tells us in his word that "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge." Hebrews 13:4. There is a plethora of help available to couples considering engagement, including books, tapes, counseling, personality inventories, relationship skill development, etc. I will leave you with Drs. Rodgers' bit of profound wisdom: "Marriage is not luck, it is skill!"

The Singlehood Phenomenon, Part 9

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 9: An Unbalanced Focus on Career. Many women are finding themselves entering their 40's still single and childless, yet very successful and fulfilled in their careers. The trouble is they are doing such a good job at their jobs that they have little room for anything else. Likewise, examples are given of men who are so involved in their careers and ministry that they don't feel there is room to add a wife and family. In taking a deeper look into their lives, however, it is often found that there are doubts and fears that are driving them so far away from seeking a godly relationship. As in so many aspects of life, a healthy balance is key. Three single counseling patients were found to have the following reasons for having an unhealthy focus on careers: 1) their careers were something they could control. 2) they were more successful at their careers than they were at love (they put their energy into areas where they did well in order to feel good about themselves). 3) their careers were something they could count on to reward them (there are no guarantees in the business of love) There is an interesting report of one client who was heavily involved in ministry and had a tendency "puff himself up" to such a level that it was a turnoff for woman. So, what about you? Are you using your career to compensate for loneliness or to hide your painful feelings of past hurts?

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 8:

Not Dealing with Prior Heartbreak.
There is an insightful quote regarding the pain of a break-up by Mark McMinn in his book, "Psychology, Theology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling": "Discomfort often motivates insight, and when we use clinical tricks to erase misery prematurely from our clients' lives, we short-circuit their opportunities for emotional and spiritual growth. Throughout Scripture and throughout the history of the Christian Church, God has used pain to bring people to maturity." Yet how many singles try to short-circuit the pain of a break-up by forming rebound relationships - relationships that are a forum for unresolved grief to be expressed in bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. Chapter 8 gives some solid advice on dating after a break up, including "intentional dating." Read how "feeling is healing," despite our society's reluctance to express grief. Follow Bill and Stacy's journey of their rebound relationship that started our very rocky and how they found help to identify their reactivity and change their patterns, beginning with forgiveness.

The Singlehood Phenomenon Part 7

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 7: Wanting the perfect mate. Could you be a perfectionist dater? Always finding something wrong with the person you are dating? Waiting for bells, whistles, rainbows, stars and stripes? While some level of attraction and chemistry is necessary for love to flourish, society has force-fed us with very unrealistic notions of romance and sex. In Chapter 7, love is defined, as well as what it is not. There are some very interesting pieces about the science of attraction, and how this is God's design for healthy offspring. Huh, imagine that! Read about the chemicals in your brain and the science behind infatuation and that feeling of euphoria or the natural high experienced with new love. What a clever God we serve! Read also about the specific time frame when these wear off and love suddenly becomes ... well, a little bit more like our parents (if they are still married.) We learn that love is a conscious choice, almost a daily decision that frankly isn't always easy. So, how about you? Are you always looking for that irresistible attraction? Perhaps you need to take another look. Sometimes true love comes in the form of a spiritual nudge - kinda like that still, small voice that we know is the Holy Spirit. (Footnote: for those too young to recognize the photo, check out the 1979 movie "10": http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078721/)

The Singlehood Phenomenon Part 6

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 6: Fear of getting hurt. Many singles have been through a painful breakup or divorce, leaving deep scars and fears that either consciously or unconsciously prevent them from taking risks on future relationships. 39-year old Patti had worked hard to lead a righteous life and maintain her purity, only to find herself to be the last one standing among her not-so-righteous friends who found husbands. She lamented, "If I have to attend one more wedding of a girl in my church group who I know did not live according to Scripture, I'll scream!" (How many of you can relate to THAT?) The sense of unfairness of it all caused Patti to stop socializing, but instead poured herself into her work and children's ministry. She adopted the all-too-common attitude that if God wants her to have a mate, he will just have to make it happen. I chuckle that the authors write that "God is not a genie," when referring to those who bank on his omnipotence and don't feel that have to take any measures to make something happen. The fact is in most cases that fear has paralyzed singles so that they are unconsciously sending out "no dating" vibes. As you read this chapter, your eyes will be opened to the power of fear and how it presents itself in the form of negative messages from the enemy, control issues and even pride. Drs. Rodgers helped Patti to confront her fears and put feet to her faith, which allowed her to find the desire of her heart. :)

The Singlehood Phenomenon, Part 5

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 5. A poor understanding of the purpose of marriage. Although most singles will state that they would like to find a soulmate and enter into marriage, they also participate in a lot of joking, sarcasm and negativity about marriage. With a divorce rate over 50% and all of the profound fallout thereof, it's no wonder that singles are fearful of entering into marriage. Those whose parents are divorced are unable to trust their partners for the security of their future marriages. Our independent culture, where everyone is out for themselves and it is much easier to be self-sufficient than in the days of yesteryear, adds to the dilemma. However, we know that we were built for community because we are commanded to love one another. It is one of the main ways we learn to give up our self-centered natures. Our culture needs an overhaul of our view of marriage, and it begins with God's word - his design for community at the most personal level, and that is within God's strategic design for marriage. This chapter deals specifically with reasons why men tend to avoid marriage, even though it was ADAM who originally longed for relationship.

The Singlehood Phenomenon Part 4

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 4: Confusion About the Rules. Society seems to have such a casual attitude about dating, as opposed to the ritual of "calling" of our grandparents and great grandparents' era. Women aren't sure who is supposed to take the lead, who is supposed to pay, and how does a best-friendship advance to taking more serious steps, involving accountability and intentional dating? Since the 1950's, social trends such as "hanging out," recreational and group dating, and the sexual revolution have caused confusion for both men and women. It was no shock for me to read in this chapter that women want men to take the lead and want to be pursued; we frequently hear this from our female members at Cache' Connections. The doctors write: "Men were designed by God to be the leaders, but they have stepped back. Women, in their impatience, have stepped up." This aggression from the women adds to the confusion for the men. In this chapter,Drs. Rodgers spell out what they have titled "terms of intentional dating," which is a balanced cross between the marriage-focused days of courtship and the casual, recreational dating of today. Read all about them, along with some real-life stories of couples who have experienced these issues and addressed them head-on with the help of professional counseling.

The Singlehood Phenomenon Part 3

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 3: Unresolved issues from the past. It is typical that people resist looking at the past to see how it has affected them. However, your past can have a huge impact on your present, especially when it comes to relationships. This chapter goes rather in depth of on the topic of soul wounds and the six stages of social development. If you were wounded as a child (and the authors claim that we all have soul wounds), this will greatly affect the type of mate you will attract, as well as how you respond in relationship conflicts. Lots of good stuff in this chapter, too much to give detail here! Get the book!

The Singlehood Phenomenon Part 2

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 2: Lack of faith in God's provision. As the singles population is getting older, many of them are losing hope and finding it hard to believe that God has a soulmate for them. Many of these skeptical singles are looking outward with a critical eye and have sworn off dating, touting 2 Corinthians 7:8-9 "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain (single) even as I am." Drs. Rodgers point out, however, that Paul did not say there is anything wrong with marriage and that being single is the only way to serve the Lord. Drs. Rodgers encourage singles to look inward at themselves and to ask the Lord to reveal anything that could be standing in the way of finding love. Poor experiences with the opposite sex and within your family of origin can cause "closed heart syndrome." God wants singles, along with others who have a deep yearning for something that seems impossible, to obey - and take a risk. This will naturally cause other lessons that God loves to teach us like faith, humility, trust and how to fully depend on Him. We can take comfort, however, knowing that God is with us through these acts of obedience and that He loves to bless those who delight themselves in the Lord. (Psalm 37: 4-5)

The Singlehood Phenomenon Part 1

Cache' Connections is partnering with Drs. Tom and Bev Rodgers, along with several churches, to address issues discussed in the doctors' book, The Singlehood Phenomenon. The book lists the top 10 reasons why singles are avoiding marriage, so I thought I'd address these in my forthcoming blogs. Here we go:

Reason No. 1

Skepticism about Love and Marriage.

The number of singles in the U.S. is on the rise - about 50% of the adult population is single. This is the oldest and largest singles population ever recorded in history. The main reasons for singles' skepticism include the high divorce rate, relational insecurity, fear of getting hurt, and our narcissistic culture. We are reminded, however, that our desire for a mate is God-given. In Genesis 2, we see that God was pleased with all of Creation, except for the fact that Adam was alone. Adam desired companionship and intimacy; in fact, all humans are hardwired for love. So don't feel guilty or ashamed about your desire for a mate. Instead, let's take a look at what might be holding you back from seeking and finding your soulmate.

Keep Speaking!

I think sometimes we forget how powerful our words and thoughts are. Our faith is released in how we think and speak. Take for instance the woman who suffered with the issue of blood for 12 years (Mark 5:25-28). No doctor was able to help her, although she had spent all of her money trying to treat her illness. Surely she had thoughts of hopelessness! But when she heard about Jesus, she went out of her way to touch the hem of His garment. Different version state that she "kept saying" or "she thought"... "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed." Of course, Jesus told her that it was her faith that healed her. So I'm just wondering, have your examined your thoughts lately? Are you proclaiming God's favor over your circumstances? Kim and I continually thank God for what he is doing in and through Cache' Connections, as we give the business to Him every day. Although we are far removed from the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but we are confident that our God is able to do above and beyond all that we can imagine or hope for. I encourage you today to train your mind to think positively about that special mate that you long for. Thank God out loud for what He is going to do, as well as for the waiting period. For we know, all things work for the good for those who love and serve the Lord.

Take Your Stand and ACT!

Many singles express a feeling of hopelessness in their situation. They describe to us how they feel incapable of changing their circumstances... saying maybe God wants them to do nothing but just wait on Him. So, they wait... doing the same things, going the same places. Is this what God calls us to do? Will He supernaturally bring that person we are waiting for to our doorstep?... not to say God isn't capable of doing that, but just imagine God is saying something else to us... Take for instance the story of King Jehoshaphat in the Old Testament when his community was about to be attacked by a several massive armies of which he had no resources or power to overcome. Jehoshaphat was terrified by this news and cried out to the Lord for help. The Lord answered through one of his people and instructed them to not be afraid and "take your positions: then stand still and watch the Lord's victory." So, back to my question: Is this an example of God telling us to do nothing... Well, let's take a deeper look. Did the people stay in bed the next day, cover their heads with their blankets and wait for God to deliver them? Remember, he said to "take your position." God was calling them to prepare themselves - position themselves for God to work. King Jehoshaphat and his people gathered together and marched as an army singing praises to God. As God had promised, they were completely unharmed by the attacking forces who turned on each other and these threatening armies were ultimately destroyed. The holy spirit may be directing us to act when he is bringing thoughts to our minds repeatedly. If the opportunity lines up with God's word, then I recommend you jump in and give it a chance. It gives us confidence to take action and take some control over our situation!

Stepping out in Faith

So I started a book titled "Lessons I learned in the Dark" last night by Jennifer Rothschild. I must admit I wasn't too excited about starting it, but needed a break from the computer and TV. It's the story of how Jennifer lost her sight in high school and how that has affected her faith and life. I'm in her grip already at page 28 as she explains the terror of leaving the safety of home and going off to college completely alone and in the dark. Although she was went through mobility training, she had such fears as: who's gonna check my makeup for me? (I can identify!) Who's gonna tell me what food is on my plate? How will I really know if there are no car coming when I'm crossing the street? My question would have been: how will I know where to go and where the doors and sidewalks are ... I can't imagine. Jennifer heard her heavenly Father tell her: "You must take a step. I've prepared you to go, and deep down you want to walk by faith." She goes on to say, "When we do step out, like the heroes of the faith in Hebrews 11, we'll find the treasures that God has reserved for those who lean completely on Him." Within two weeks, Jennifer stumbled upon the wonderful man who became her husband. So, I'm just wondering - what steps of faith might you need to be making? It is evident from the Old Testament to the New Testament that God will work within our faith and action. If you are already a member of Cache' Connections, you have taken that first step and we applaud that. What else might God be waiting for you to do? Are you interacting with your connections? Are you open to the type of mate that God might have for you, or is your check list too long and stringent? We have seen and heard over and over again success stories that begin something like this: "I would have NEVER ..." We urge you to be open and willing to take the next steps and prayerfully ask the Lord to help keep your heart and mind open for what He wants to do to fulfill your longing for a soul mate. ~ Linda

How was your worship this weekend?

At our church, Northwoods Community Church, we had a visiting worship pastor candidate lead the worship. It was awesome! He seemed to put together a package (sorry, kinda worldly sounding) including videos, specials and worship songs for all of us to enjoy. It was evident that he had many of us pumped up for God. I find it interesting that different individuals enjoy different styles of worship. Last week I visited a friend's church to support their child's dedication to God. The worship was much more traditional and included a lot of organ music. I am thankful that God enjoys all styles of worship! It is true that worship is more than music, though we seem to put the emphasis on that. Worship is partly your attitude toward God and others throughout your day. You worship God when you give your all at work or school. When you work to be the best "you" you can be, that is worship. Is that awesome or what? Romans 12:1 "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..." In other words, it's not about you, it's about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen!

3 Months and Counting...

Three months after launch and all is well! Wow, we've had our doubts at times and some scary moments, but we're so excited to see our many hours of hard work paying off. After running a test market in Rockford, Illinois, we now have a better view of what marketing campaigns work and which ones don't. For instance, Christian radio is definitely more productive than secular, and on-air interviews on respected Christian radio helps build our credibility. We have several new campaigns in the works such as our first big event, area-wide small group studies, roundtable meetings with church leaders and new radio markets across the nation. Hold on to your hats...Cache' Connections is coming to town! On another note, we are excited about our Single Spotlight Contest on Shine radio featuring Henry as our bachelor of the month. He is an amazing example of a cool guy and true believer that is living out his commitment to dating another Christian. Take a look at http://www.cacheconnections.com/singlespotlight/henry.

We give all the glory to our Heavenly Father - praises to Him who has given us this destiny and business!

It was so confirming to hear the words of a client at a recent Mark Harris concert we were at in Peoria, IL. She knew we would be there and stopped by to say hi, but was very intent about something she wished to express. Her words went something like this...."I just want to thank you guys for what you are doing. I have felt somewhat forgotten and alone, but it has given me such hope to know that you guys care and are trying to help bring Christian singles together." Her words really went to the heart of the matter of why this business started. Christian singles maybe aren't valued in today's society, but God holds them in high esteem for their commitment to following his word. We want Christian singles to know we understand their struggles to find a Christian mate and we want them to be confident and proud of this commitment. God tells us in his word that he will bless us abundantly for believing in his word and obeying his word. Therefore, hold your heads high, Christian singles, and know that God cares and he's working things out for your good!

August Sale - 50% off!

Now is a great time to "get out of the boat" and give Cache' Connections a try. For a limited time, sign up for 6 months and get 50% off of your subscription - that's a $49.97 value!

Let's face it, forming relationships takes time. This will give you an opportunity to build your profile and start communicating with your connections.

As Summer comes to an end, this a great time to begin thinking about developing new relationships. Your special someone could be just a click away!

PROMO CODE: AUG0806. This offer expires on August 31, 2008.

Blessings,
Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections

Success Stories

So everyone is always wants to know if we have any success stories. Although we are too young to be able to boast weddings and babies, we proudly boast that we are aware of three couples who are feeling a strong connection toward one another to the point of deactivating their accounts. What a confirmation that what we have built is working! We'll be posting official success-so-far stories on the site, but two couples met through the matching and messaging system, and one actually met in the chat room! So take heart, all you who hope in the Lord, Cache' Connections' mission statement is being fulfilled! Our mission statement:

1. Providing a connection point for Christian singles for community and matchmaking services

2. Supporting and promoting healthy dating relationships based on biblical standards

If there are any other unreported success stories out there, remember, we don't want your name, we want your information!

~Linda

Cache' Makes the News Again!

The Christian Compass

July 24, 2008
Cache Connections has Plenty of Cache' for Christian Singles

Posted on July 24th, 2008 by Sharon

by Linda Emmons

Since our society has long abandoned formal, “proper” introductions of unmarried people to one another, and most frown on arranged marriages, what is a Christian single person to do? Being a Christian single has it’s benefits, and some people are called to that lifestyle. But if you or someone you know is part of the majority of Believers, those who know God has a soul-mate “out there” for them somewhere, and hate the sterile, ineffective approaches of typical dating services, Cache Connections may be for you.

Cache' Connections is the outgrowth of the matchmaking abilities of friends and business partners Kim Whitaker and Linda Martin. Believing that a faith-based, personal approach to finding a mate was lacking, the two women started a matchmaking service. Soon it became apparent that they needed a larger pool of singles and decided to take Cache' Connections online in February, 2007.

Kim and Linda said “We built the service exclusively for Christians… It has always been crucial that we are lifting up in prayer our clients and all areas of the business and committing every aspect to be done in a God-pleasing manner. We believe God hard-wires in everyone a destiny to be completed here on earth, so we take this role very seriously.”

A cache is a hidden treasure, and some of the unique characteristics of Cache' Connections are the personalized, interactive services intended to bring out the treasure in the people they serve. Cache' tries to help members understand themselves and develop healthy relationships. Kim and Linda host online chats to stay in touch with members and provide support from Drs. Tom and Beverly Rodgers, relationship therapists, international speakers and authors of multiple books on Christian relationships.

Cache' adds interest by hosting live chats and a “dating game” segment where a single is spotlighted and they narrow choices down to finalists.

To get started, prospective members must agree to a statement of faith, provide a credit card, and answer a questionnaire. The members are given a series of choices to describe their faith and how it plays out in their daily lives. The questions are designed to be a teaching tool, guiding members to think about who they are and what they are looking for in a mate. The next task to register is photo submission. Since other sites tempt members to use outdated photos, Cache' members are required to submit photos reflecting a more present reality.

Cache' Connections is unabashedly Christian, and scriptural context is provided on their site for all the activities. Check them out further at http://www.cacheconnections.com/

Quick Facts:

Founders: Kim Whitaker and Linda Martin

Current members are from 20-80 years old; Average member age range is 35-48 years old

Geographical area covered is worldwide, although being a new service, many are clustered in Cache’s home base of Illinois.

Cache' goes to Ignite-Chicago!

Though quite hot and sticky for everyone, we were so blessed to participate in IgniteChicago's second annual all-day music festival. Sponsored by Compassion, Edan Concerts and Sonshine Concerts, we enjoyed worship by Jael, John Reuben, Red, Todd Agnew, Superchick, Hawk Nelson, David Crowder, Mercy Me and Newsboys. What an awesome experience to come together with so many other Christians to bring praises to our Lord Jesus Christ.

Ignite, held in Schaumburg, was attended by over 7,000 people. What a great opportunity for Cache' Connections to spread the news of our services. Booth visitors got a kick out of voting for our Single Spotlight Contest; even the kids and "marrieds" got to participate and play matchmaker-for-a-day. (If you haven't registered your vote, check out this page: http://www.cacheconnections.com/matthewfinal).

From 11:00 a.m. until about 9:00 p.m., Kim and Linda were busy explaining Cache' Connections services and answering many questions from interested Christian singles. In addition, many good contacts were made, including some radio stations, singles groups, and other ministries. We look forward to seeing the fruits of this opportunity for Cache' Connections, and especially for our members!