The Singlehood Phenomenon, Part 5

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 5. A poor understanding of the purpose of marriage. Although most singles will state that they would like to find a soulmate and enter into marriage, they also participate in a lot of joking, sarcasm and negativity about marriage. With a divorce rate over 50% and all of the profound fallout thereof, it's no wonder that singles are fearful of entering into marriage. Those whose parents are divorced are unable to trust their partners for the security of their future marriages. Our independent culture, where everyone is out for themselves and it is much easier to be self-sufficient than in the days of yesteryear, adds to the dilemma. However, we know that we were built for community because we are commanded to love one another. It is one of the main ways we learn to give up our self-centered natures. Our culture needs an overhaul of our view of marriage, and it begins with God's word - his design for community at the most personal level, and that is within God's strategic design for marriage. This chapter deals specifically with reasons why men tend to avoid marriage, even though it was ADAM who originally longed for relationship.

The Singlehood Phenomenon Part 4

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 4: Confusion About the Rules. Society seems to have such a casual attitude about dating, as opposed to the ritual of "calling" of our grandparents and great grandparents' era. Women aren't sure who is supposed to take the lead, who is supposed to pay, and how does a best-friendship advance to taking more serious steps, involving accountability and intentional dating? Since the 1950's, social trends such as "hanging out," recreational and group dating, and the sexual revolution have caused confusion for both men and women. It was no shock for me to read in this chapter that women want men to take the lead and want to be pursued; we frequently hear this from our female members at Cache' Connections. The doctors write: "Men were designed by God to be the leaders, but they have stepped back. Women, in their impatience, have stepped up." This aggression from the women adds to the confusion for the men. In this chapter,Drs. Rodgers spell out what they have titled "terms of intentional dating," which is a balanced cross between the marriage-focused days of courtship and the casual, recreational dating of today. Read all about them, along with some real-life stories of couples who have experienced these issues and addressed them head-on with the help of professional counseling.

The Singlehood Phenomenon Part 1

Cache' Connections is partnering with Drs. Tom and Bev Rodgers, along with several churches, to address issues discussed in the doctors' book, The Singlehood Phenomenon. The book lists the top 10 reasons why singles are avoiding marriage, so I thought I'd address these in my forthcoming blogs. Here we go:

Reason No. 1

Skepticism about Love and Marriage.

The number of singles in the U.S. is on the rise - about 50% of the adult population is single. This is the oldest and largest singles population ever recorded in history. The main reasons for singles' skepticism include the high divorce rate, relational insecurity, fear of getting hurt, and our narcissistic culture. We are reminded, however, that our desire for a mate is God-given. In Genesis 2, we see that God was pleased with all of Creation, except for the fact that Adam was alone. Adam desired companionship and intimacy; in fact, all humans are hardwired for love. So don't feel guilty or ashamed about your desire for a mate. Instead, let's take a look at what might be holding you back from seeking and finding your soulmate.

Friendship, Courtship, Dating, What's the Deal?

Let's face it. There is confusion about the phrasing. There is even confusion as to whether Christians should date or not. We thought you'd like to know our take on all of this. We have spoken to lots of single Christians, Christian single psychologists, and have read several books on this topic. (See list below, we strongly recommend each one of them.) First of all, we do not condone random dating, just for the sake of dating or having a full social calendar or to appear popular or... whatever. Dating should be kept for those who are serious about the possibility of meeting someone with whom they'd be willing to spend the rest of their life. If you are not in such a position, we would recommend that you stick with friendships, group gatherings, etc. The premise behind this is the scripture found in Proverbs 4:23: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." We want you to consider the heart of the one you would be dating, as well as your own. In other words, do not lead him or her on, or get your heart wrapped up in a love knot, if you are not in a position to continue the relationship toward an eventual marriage. A first date with someone you don't know very well is okay, for the purpose of making a decision if he or she is marriage material for you. Now, about courtship: a nice, old-fashioned word that has made its way back to the Christian sect. It implies a friendship between a guy and a girl who are seriously checking each other out for the possibility of marriage, often including their family's opinions and involvement, and perhaps that of their church or pastor. We don't have a problem with this, either! But we do have to consider that if said guy and girl go out for dinner or even a walk by the river, this could be construed as a (brace yourself) ~~~ date! There is nothing wrong with this scene! When you consider older individuals, however, the term "courtship" does not seem to fit their circumstances, although family confirmation, whether it be from parents or children, is always a plus. We don't want to get hung up on terminology, but try to stay relevant with the times. People are not going to stop dating. Let's just do it well, as we should be doing everything: 1 Cor 10:30 "... whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." Here's the recommended reads: The Singlehood Phenomenon, Drs. Tom and Beverly Rodgers; Undressed, Jason Illian; More than a Match, Michael and Amy Smalley; Boy Meets Girl, Joshua Harris; The Book of Romance, Tommy Nelson; Waiting and Dating, Myles Munroe.