The Singlehood Phenomenon Part 4

Why aren't singles getting married? Reason No. 4: Confusion About the Rules. Society seems to have such a casual attitude about dating, as opposed to the ritual of "calling" of our grandparents and great grandparents' era. Women aren't sure who is supposed to take the lead, who is supposed to pay, and how does a best-friendship advance to taking more serious steps, involving accountability and intentional dating? Since the 1950's, social trends such as "hanging out," recreational and group dating, and the sexual revolution have caused confusion for both men and women. It was no shock for me to read in this chapter that women want men to take the lead and want to be pursued; we frequently hear this from our female members at Cache' Connections. The doctors write: "Men were designed by God to be the leaders, but they have stepped back. Women, in their impatience, have stepped up." This aggression from the women adds to the confusion for the men. In this chapter,Drs. Rodgers spell out what they have titled "terms of intentional dating," which is a balanced cross between the marriage-focused days of courtship and the casual, recreational dating of today. Read all about them, along with some real-life stories of couples who have experienced these issues and addressed them head-on with the help of professional counseling.

Friendship, Courtship, Dating, What's the Deal?

Let's face it. There is confusion about the phrasing. There is even confusion as to whether Christians should date or not. We thought you'd like to know our take on all of this. We have spoken to lots of single Christians, Christian single psychologists, and have read several books on this topic. (See list below, we strongly recommend each one of them.) First of all, we do not condone random dating, just for the sake of dating or having a full social calendar or to appear popular or... whatever. Dating should be kept for those who are serious about the possibility of meeting someone with whom they'd be willing to spend the rest of their life. If you are not in such a position, we would recommend that you stick with friendships, group gatherings, etc. The premise behind this is the scripture found in Proverbs 4:23: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." We want you to consider the heart of the one you would be dating, as well as your own. In other words, do not lead him or her on, or get your heart wrapped up in a love knot, if you are not in a position to continue the relationship toward an eventual marriage. A first date with someone you don't know very well is okay, for the purpose of making a decision if he or she is marriage material for you. Now, about courtship: a nice, old-fashioned word that has made its way back to the Christian sect. It implies a friendship between a guy and a girl who are seriously checking each other out for the possibility of marriage, often including their family's opinions and involvement, and perhaps that of their church or pastor. We don't have a problem with this, either! But we do have to consider that if said guy and girl go out for dinner or even a walk by the river, this could be construed as a (brace yourself) ~~~ date! There is nothing wrong with this scene! When you consider older individuals, however, the term "courtship" does not seem to fit their circumstances, although family confirmation, whether it be from parents or children, is always a plus. We don't want to get hung up on terminology, but try to stay relevant with the times. People are not going to stop dating. Let's just do it well, as we should be doing everything: 1 Cor 10:30 "... whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." Here's the recommended reads: The Singlehood Phenomenon, Drs. Tom and Beverly Rodgers; Undressed, Jason Illian; More than a Match, Michael and Amy Smalley; Boy Meets Girl, Joshua Harris; The Book of Romance, Tommy Nelson; Waiting and Dating, Myles Munroe.