Another long distance love through Cache' Connections

Today we are announcing the love story of Laura (NW Indiana) and Del, who is from the Quad Cities (IL, IA border) area. Here is their long-awaited story in their own words:

Laura: A couple years ago, Faith Church in Dyer, Indiana hosted a Cache Connections event that I heard about on the radio. I remember wanting to attend but I think I had a scheduling conflict and was unable to attend. What I do remember is looking up your website and reading what you are all about. I thought it was such a great opportunity to connect christian singles together that might not have the chance to meet one another. I loved everything you had on your site. So I just filed it away in my head at that time in my life.
You see, at that point in my life I knew I needed some healing to occur because my husband had left me, our divorce was final, and God had some healing work to do with me. I was shocked at what was going on in my life and angry, not at God, but at what the enemy had stolen from me. I found myself thinking and saying to God, "You know, my first husband died. My second husband left me. But you God...you will NEVER leave me!" During this time I learned to lean on God in ways I hadn't ever before. I asked him to heal areas in my heart only He knew I needed healing in. I knew deep inside me God was preparing me for being a wife again and I wanted to be ready. Completely ready. As whole as I could be given everything I had been through.
One day, while driving in the car with my 8 and 10 year old daughters we heard your New Year's Eve event being advertised on the radio station. My girls commented on how it was for Christian singles. "Hey Mom! You are a single Christian, right??!! Do you want to go to that?? Who knows, you might find a husband there!" With my hands on the steering wheel I get this puzzled look on my face and think to myself, "Did what just happen, really happen? Are you kidding me??!!" They were more than ready for me to get into the dating world! They would ask me if I ever wanted to get married again and they would even tell me they wanted another Dad, one that would stick around this time. Lovely. No pressure right? Oh my gosh! Needless to say my prayers for them headed into a different direction at that point as well.
Every now and again I would look back at your website and think to myself, "You know this looks like a cool thing to check out one day."
So back in June I noticed Cache was having this incredible deal for the year. I told a close single girlfriend about it and told her we should sign up together. She said sure so I went ahead and signed up but I didn't activate my account because of all the traveling I had planned that summer.
I read through all the questions and was so relieved to know that when the timing was right I knew I would be in the right place and in good hands. The depth and breath of the questions were exactly what I needed and then some! I felt such a sense of relief just merely knowing that the questioning process would reveal so much information about someone. Having all of that information accessible about someone before even having to talk to them was almost like a weaning out process just by looking it over first. And I loved that! I knew I would be looking immediately at what they checked in those boxes about smoking, drinking, premarital sex, and lying. These are areas I knew we had to be on the same page on.
A couple weeks later I received a word from the Lord during a massage I was getting. My massage therapist and I were talking and praying and during that time the Lord informed me that any man during this traveling season would just only be a distraction for me. He said he would bring me my husband AFTER I got back from Paris.
I was pretty shocked at that revelation! But I trusted what God had said and I went about my summer travel plans to California, London, and Paris, and had the best time ever! Once I got back from Paris I was busy doing other things-life. I knew I still hadn't finished that final portion on my Cache profile or even uploaded a picture yet. But it was just sitting there, waiting for the perfect timing.
And then that day happened...unexpectedly no less! I was showing my painter all the amazing and thorough questions they ask every person on this site, page by page, and she was amazed at how much information is collected beforehand. We were having the most fun going through all my questions. So much fun that I didn't realize that when I got to the last page that I had accidentally activated my account that day!!
That next morning I get this email with all the "matches" and I'm like, "Whaaaaaat?......." and I'm shaking my head like, "What did I do yesterday?" So I look back and sure enough at the end there are two buttons and I clicked the wrong one. Days later I get this personal notification from a man named,Del. He happened to mention he was originally from California. Well, that caught my eye because I lived in California for 16 years. We started communicating back and forth about California, cities we loved, places we had been, and we loved our "California Connection".
Over the next several emails he would mention his morning devotions, his growth group at church, how active he was, all these things that made me go...."Nice!!" About a week later he asked if we could talk on the phone and so we did. It was fabulous!! The chemistry of our personalities was right on. We both were laughing and chatting constantly the entire night. I think we talked for three hours that night! He wanted to know as much as he could about me. It was super fun!
Every night since that first talk, we have faithfully set aside time to talk with one another. Sometimes its only an hour but sometimes we get easily lost in our conversations and 2 or 3 hours have quickly passed. In the mornings he will text me a bible verse from his morning devotion and then throughout the day he will text me just to say hello or ask me how my day is going. I love that he has such great communicating skills all over the board!
His ability to say it like it is was came out often. In fact, there were times he would catch me off guard with how easily he would wear his heart on his sleeve. He would just tell me what he was thinking or feeling at moments during our hours of conversations and I could feel our friendship deepening. During this time, I warned him I have a "flip side" to me and that I could get a little weirded out every now and again as I'm trying to navigate this part of things. We laughed about it and I told him to just be patient with me and that if he was it would be well worth it in the end.
After two weeks of communicating he said he would like us to meet in person. We agreed to meet half way seeing as there are three hours between the two of us. I remember thinking "Three hours is not ideal, but it is what it is."
We met at this really unusual restaurant bar with a cool vibe to it. It was so "us" it couldn't have been any more perfect. When we met I remember thinking, "Finally!! I finally get to meet the person on the other end of the phone for the last couple weeks!!" We hugged and spent the next four hours talking and laughing and sharing more and more but this time it was in person. We closed the place down that night but Del wasn't done spending time with me so he suggested we go get something hot to drink. We spent another hour and half talking and laughing before we parted ways on our first date. It was an amazing first date, filled with a lot of laughter, many compliments, great conversation, and fabulous chemistry.
We continued talking each night learning more and more about each other. A couple weeks after our first date he asked me to come to Moline, where he lives, so I can meet his 16 year old son, Jonah. At Christmas, he came out to meet my daughters and my family. Everything has gone surprisingly so smooth! He even mentioned us going to the bible book store to pick up a couples daily devotional so we could do it together on the phone. Its been a great addition to our evening conversations.
We brought in the new year together and after all the hoopla was over and we were cleaning up I said to him, "So, what's on your agenda for 2012 babe?" and without hesitating he replied, "I'm getting married in 2012." I looked over at my dear friend and said to her, "Did he just say what I thought he said?" and she replied, "He sure did!" and I said to him, "Well, aren't you speaking to your future wife?!" And his reply was, "Yes, I am!"
Its funny because he had already told me he was praying, asking, and had the faith to believe for BIG things concerning us. He has been very open about being marriage minded from the beginning in this process. I actually liked that about him even though there were times when I was having a hard time processing and expressing how I was thinking and feeling. But he steadily holds his course until I have figured it out in my head and heart at that time. That is so reassuring to me! I love it!
Del often says how thankful he is for the bubble that God placed around me the last couple of years in keeping me single. And then I laugh and tell him about the countless times I would get all frustrated in that area of my life. That season of singleness wasn't easy at times, but I know it had its purpose. I was healing in that season, growing in my relationship with my heavenly father knowing HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME, serving strong at church, and continuing to raise two young daughters on my own. I remember telling Del, "If I only knew then what I know now, I would have been so much more patient in my waiting for you!"
This weekend I'm taking my girls to meet his son and his second Mom where he lives. We are really excited about what God is doing in all of our lives through this "divine connection".
Thank you so much for your wonderful service! I know that our lives are forever changed because of it!! I can't wait to keep you updated! [;)]
Laura


Del: First of all thanks to all at Cache Connections. What your company stands for and believes in is so important. I initially was not so sure how much different your website would be but it turned out to be what I was hoping for. I jumped on board very hopeful, prayerfully hopeful. A little time had passed as I eagerly checked my email for possible connections. One day I saw Laura's photo and said to myself, great smile, very photogenic and very attractive. Well after thoroughly reading her profile I was even more interested. Sent her a message and from there we emailed each other then starting talking on the phone. We connected instantly because of our having lived in California at one time. Our conversations were so good. We literally talked for hours each night for about one week. There was so much in common. One thing really stood out, her lhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifove for the Lord. Laura and I shared so many blessings that the Lord had done in our lives. We decided to meet and well all I can say is amazing. God answered prayer. Laura is beautiful inside and out. Words that come to mind describing us are laughter, open, loving and joyful. Be patient, God does answer prayer - expect it. I look forward to what God has in store for us.
Thanks,
Del

Don't forget the awesome special Cache' Connections has for February: One Year for just $49.95! Save $100 - use promo code: FEB4995.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me

What a powerful verse found in Philippians 4:13! What a challenge to truly believe it ... and live it out! What dropped in my mind this morning is the fact that the subject of this sentence is I. Not God. I. Hmmm ... now there is food for thought. I am the doer, God is the one who empowers me to do all things.

Today I just want all readers to ponder what that means to you in this phase of your life. Whether that means getting out of debt, finding a mate, losing a certain amount of weight, kicking that bad habit, cleaning the garage or getting along with the pesky co-worker.

God takes care of the birds ... he feeds them ... by empowering them to seek, fly and snatch their food. They do the work - God provides the power and means.

What can YOU do through Christ who strengthens you? Please leave your thoughts.

Blessings,
Linda
Cache' Connections

Could You Be This Prickly Person?

I'm reading the "Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale, which was written in the early 1950's. If you haven't read it, I certainly recommend it for everyone. It is a great eye-opener on how to open our minds, stretch our faith and adopt an expectant, positive attitude that will bring positive things back to you.

You are reading this blog because you want a mate. I wonder if the things you say, the way you think and the general attitude and mindset you have are hindering your connection possibilities?

In this book, Peale tells of a woman who came to visit him about a problem. He was a few minutes late for the appointment, and when he met her, it was obvious that she was displeased with him, as her lips were pressed firmly together. She shortly lit into him about being late and then pressed forward by stating, "I have a very important problem to present to you and I want an answer, and I expect an answer... I might as well put it to you bluntly. I want to get married."

Peale replied, "Well, that is a perfectly normal desire and I should like to help you."

"I want to know why I can't get married, " she continued. "Every time I form a friendship with a man, the next thing I know he fades out of the picture and another chance is gone by, and, I am not getting any younger. You conduct a personal-problem clinic to study people and you have had some experience, and I am putting my problem right up to you. Tell me, why can't I get married?"

I couldn't wait to read Peale's response. After paying her a few compliments on her sound mind, a fine personality and nice appearance, he got to the heart of the matter. Peale pointed out how she "took him to task" about being late. "Has it ever occurred to you that your attitude represents a pretty serious fault? I think a husband would have a very difficult time if you checked him up that closely all the time. In fact, you would so dominate him that, even if you did marry, your marital life would be unsatisfactory. Love cannot live under domination."

Then he addressed her sour countenance. "You have a very firm way of pressing your lips together which indicates a domineering attitude. The average male, I might as well tell you, does not like to be dominated, at least so that he knows it." (hee hee) He added, "I think you would be a very attractive person if you got those too-firm lines out of your face. You must have a little softness, a little tenderness, and those lines are too firm to be soft." He then moved on to his opinion about the fit of her dress, her hair style and recommended a touch of perfume. Finally, Peale told her that "the really important thing is to get a new attitude that will change the lines on your face and give you that indefinable quality known as spiritual joy. This I am certain will release charm and loveliness in you." Peale quoted an old professor of his who said that God "runs a beauty parlor."

The woman was smart enough to take his advice, and long story short, they reconnected several years later. She was with her husband and 10 year old son. "What you told me was absolutely true," she said very earnestly. "I was the most frustrated, unhappy individual imaginable when I came to see you, but I put into practice the principles you suggested. I really did, and they worked."

Peale was bold enough to tell the woman what she desperately needed to hear, and she was smart enough to be teachable. Are you teachable, coachable, trainable? Is there someone in your life that might be willing to tell you the hard truth that you might need to hear?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

New Advice from Cache' Couples

I decided to put a different spin on the Cache' Connections dating advice. You know we are all about helping Christian singles make good decisions and offering wisdom on how to navigate the dating scene. Today I am sharing some advice from those who have been "in the trenches," so to speak, and are now either married or in committed dating relationships.

Phillis:
Tip #1. Attend the Cache Connection Singles activities.....that is where Craig and I met
Tip #2 Be open to God's timing....it may be different that yours
Tip #3 Be obedient when God speaks...His ways are always best
Tip #4 Remember that relationships take work but the outcome is defintely worth it
Tip #5 Listen to our favorite matchmakers (Kim and Linda)...they have a lot of experience, great advice, and have a GREAT track record!

John:
Be as honest as you can with them, don't hold back. Be truthful all the way down the line. Cache' Connections is great in that your connections are actually looking to meet someone special, which makes it easy - nothing holds you back. If you see someone at church, you have no idea if they are interested in dating. At Cache' Connections you know what its all about.

Lisa:
So after thinking about it all day, I've decided my advice would be the same either way... Know yourself and be your best self. Do some work to find out what kind of person you are most compatible with and don't be afraid to talk to people. Be willing to risk rejection and strong enough to handle it. And get a makeover if you need a confidence boost! ;)

Kristin:
Sounds cliche', but my best advice is to continue to TRUST God with every step. Waiting for the right person can feel like it takes forever sometimes, but when God sends that "perfect" match, you realize how worth the wait it was. And also trusting that when God says He'll take care of us and provide for us, it doesn't always look the way we want it to or expect it to. (especially waiting on his timing) There are so many things about this life that are difficult to understand, but I'm so thankful our God in Heaven has control over it all. I'm learning it's more about the journey and living moment by moment than it is about where it takes us. And knowing that Heaven is on the other side makes the journey so much more worth it all.

Glen:
I would say be authentic, open, and transparent.

You can view more photos and love connection stories of these and other Cache' couples here.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Cache' Tips to Improve Your Date-ability in 2012

Have you given any thought about how you will approach your dating life in 2012? One thing we know is that if you don't make some changes, chances are that nothing will change. We encourage Christian singles to take advantage of the opportunities that Cache' Connections provides Christian singles to improve their dating life. Here are a few ideas:

- Join the Cache' Connections website or extend your membership (Remember, One Year is just $39.95 until 12/31/11. Use promo code: DEC3995 at www.cacheconnections.com)
- Purchase the "Christian Dating Redefined" DVD and get some single friends together for a small group
- Take part in the upcoming "Christian Dating Redefined" ongoing area-wide singles groups
- Apply to be a contestant in the upcoming "Win It In a Minute" events
- Approach your church about hosting a "Christian Dating Redefined" group in your area
- Commit to participating in the monthly online chats with Expert Emily Shupert
- Read at least two Christian dating books (see Recommended Reading under Community and Advice)
- Choose a dating accountability partner and commit to meeting on a regular basis. (Remember, iron sharpens iron!)
- Read the Cache' Connections Blog and Expert Articles
- Get a makeover/haircut/workout buddy/healthy eating plan/positive attitude
- Pray about your dating life and be open to what the Holy Spirit might be telling you. Remember that your mate may not come in the size, shape, time frame or even denomination that you have in mind.

Any other suggestions for our readers?

~ Linda

Merry Christmas from Cache' Connections

Kim and Linda want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas this weekend! We celebrate the birth of our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ and the eternal hope He brings to all who will believe and receive. What a beautiful gift from God the Father ... what a sacrificial gift from Jesus. We encourage you to take time to draw close to Christ today and every day, bringing your praises and concerns to him.

As a reminder, our Christmas gift to Christian singles, new and past members, is a free trial membership at Cache' Connections. If you've never given it a try, why not log on today? Simply create an account by clicking "Join Now" at www.cacheconnections.com. When you get to the Billing page, exit and contact us requesting that your account be opened.

Once you know that Cache' Connections feels right for you, consider taking advantage of the December special, which is a subscription for One Year for just $39.95. Use promo code: DEC3995

Our sincere congratulations go out to Leonard and Jan, who met two years ago at a Cache' Connections speed dating event and married on December 2, 2011. You can read their love story by clicking here.

As we approach a New Year, we encourage you to prayerfully examine your patterns, habits, and attitudes and consider what changes you can make to increase your chances of finding your mate. One thing is for sure, all of our Cache' couples took a risk in stepping out to an event or (sometimes sheepishly) joining the website. Is finding your heart's desire worth the risk?

Merry Christmas!

Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections

New Year's Eve - Where in the world is Wasco, IL?

Chicagoland singles can look forward to spending New Year's Eve with other single Christians at the Cache' Connections New Year's Eve party. It will take place at Niko's Lodge Restaurant in Wasco, which is just west of St. Charles, a northwest suburb of Chicago, Illinois. Your event hostess is Kris Anderson.

There will be the ever-popular speed dating along with other connection activities and an opportunity to roast marshmallows at the outdoor fire pits at Niko's Lodge Restaurant. Order dinner off the menu - separate tickets. Dress is casual. Age recommendation: 35+. Room capacity is 50, so please pre-register! Walk-ins will be accepted upon availability.

Location:
Nikos Lodge Restaurant
41W379 Illinois Route 64
Wasco, IL 60183
(630) 443-8000

Date:
Saturday, December 31, 2011

Time:
8:00 p.m. to 12:30 a.m.

Ages:
All adult ages

Evening Schedule:
8:00 Welcome, socialize
8:15 Icebreaker
8:30 Dinner (order off the menu - separate checks)
9:30 Speed dating
10:30 Connection activities
12:00 Ring in the New Year!

Registration
$20 pre-registration
$25 at the door

CLICK HERE for all details and to register - seating is limited!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

How Do I Get through a Holiday Party Alone?

by Cliff Young & Laura MacCorkle

Today we are posting an article from Crosswalk Singles on how to handle the dreaded Christmas parties as a single. Great advice!

QUESTION: The holidays are really hard for me. I dread going to family gatherings or work functions or parties with friends when I don’t have a date or anyone to go with me. Am I wrong to feel this way or what can I do to just push through these feelings and still enjoy being with other people?

HE SAID: From a perpetual card-carrying member of the holiday “kid’s table,” I understand.

What you are experiencing is pretty common among us “longer than expected” singles and you are not wrong to feel this way. Social gatherings, parties and other “and guest” situations can be discouraging, and holidays seem to intensify and exacerbate the feelings of “aloneness.” However there are ways to make it through these difficult months not only unscathed, but also rewardingly.

The first step is to take your mind off of yourself.

I am reminded of this each day when I see one of our military servicemen or women. They place themselves in harm’s way for our freedoms so we can have the opportunities to “dread spending time with family or friends.”

Don’t approach this time of year with anxiety or trepidation based upon your marital status, but rather with an eagerness to exemplify the significance of the season through what God commands us to do, “Love the Lord your God” and “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 22:37-38).

The holidays may be the only time a non-believer is receptive to hear God’s message.

Instead of worrying about attending these seemingly “couples-only” events alone, seek ways you can bring joy, live out God’s love and impact others. In other words, attend these functions with the aspiration to share who God is.

We are blessed to know this time as a celebration of God’s gift to us in his Son. In the busy-ness of the season, we sometimes forget and begin worrying more about our own desires than his.

Don’t allow yourself to come before him this year. Enjoy your events to the fullest through him.

SHE SAID: Sometimes it seems like all of life as a single adult is like one giant extravaganza that you must attend by yourself. It’s not always fun, but sometimes you’ve got to put on your big girl/boy pants and just go for it. Such is a holiday gathering, and such is life.

But let me recommend a “social plan” that you can put into place before going to your next family gathering, work function or holiday party. I think it might help.

First, do a little recon work and find out who is going. That’s right. See who you know who’s going to be there. And then find your “buddy.” It’s up to you whether you ask that individual (or it could be a couple) beforehand to be your buddy who will stick close by for the event you’re attending. If you’re good enough friends, coworkers or family members, you can have a pre-event conversation where you confide in them that it’s hard for you to attend these types of shindigs alone and you’d be pleased as holiday punch if this person would let you be his/her buddy (Heb. 13:1) for the evening (I’ve done that before, and it’s been a big help!).

Second, determine a time limit for your stay at the party/gathering. Who says you have to be at something like this from the very first moment the door is thrown open ‘til the last person is walking out? If two hours is your limit, then two hours it is. Or if you can only last an hour, then make it an hour that matters: as in, be sure to greet your host/hostess and say “thank you” for his/her hospitality (if you can swing it, a host/hostess gift is always nice to offer as well); try to make a sweep of the room and greet those people you do know; see if you can introduce yourself to at least one new person you don’t know (and make a new friend!); and then, by all means, do partake of the food and beverage that’s been provided for your nourishment and enjoyment. It could help distract you for a few moments, calm your social nerves and fortify you somewhat for the rest of your time there.

Third, pray before, during and after. Pray beforehand that the Lord would bring peace to your anxious heart and that he would help you to be others-focused during the party/gathering. By switching your perspective, you may feel less self-conscious and actually find yourself having a good time as your attention is direchttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifted toward others. Then, pray during the party/gathering that the Lord would point out to you someone who needs an encouraging word (Rom. 12:10) or just someone who looks lonely and needs someone to approach and befriend them (you can be that someone for someone else!). And finally, pray afterward. What does God want to teach you/show you through this experience that is usually difficult for you as a single adult?

I think if you see a party/work function/gathering as a growing experience (James 1:2-4) as well as an outreach opportunity (1 Peter 4:10), you might find yourself enjoying holiday events a little bit more.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Let Your No Be No - in Dating

Love, love, love it when we find and receive confirmations of the messages we send to our single friends at Cache' Connections. Last night we received the following message from our friend/fan/member we'll call Don. Also, we love knowing that members are reading Christian books that help them with their relationships.

Hi Linda and Kim,
I'm currently reading Dr. Henry Cloud's latest book, 'Necessary Endings'.
One particular passage spoke to me and I thought it worth sharing. I started to write to you in facebook, and decided to go here instead.
The passage is in Ch. 11, and the title of the passage is 'Often the outcome is good.'
Here is the passage:
'My friend was stuck in her dating life, and it was time to do one right. She was ready to end another short-term dating relationship by just disappearing and dropping out of sight, off of his radar. I told her that if she ever wanted to get where she wanted to be in life and in dating, she had to learn to be more forthright about endings and delivering bad news to people. And I told her that if she wanted my help anymore, she had to call this guy and tell him that she had enjoyed going out with him but that she did not want to go out anymore.
She resisted, but finally made the call. When she did, she was jolted. Expecting the worst, she got the opposite. He said, "I just want to thank you for telling me this in a straightforward manner. You have restored my faith in women and also saved me a lot of time and effort by not continuing to go out with me if it were not going to go anywhere. I wish all women would do what you just did."
She could not believe it, but I gave her a "told you so" coach's nod. It not only helped him, but it also took her to a whole new level of functioning in her relationships with men. Not long after that, she finally attracted the kind of guy she had been looking for: honest, responsible and kind. Why? She had to become that sort of person first before she was going to attract one. That is one of the reasons I had her make the call in the first place. It was not just for him, but also for her development. She had to become what she was looking for before she would ever find it.'

I know this applies to both men and women. I'm sharing it because this has happened to me on a number of occasions and although I have been good at doing thihttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifs most of the time, I have not been 100%. I feel closure is important for both sides and the honorable thing.
You had recently shared a point on Facebook that ' no answer, is a 'no' answer'. This is true, but it takes a lot longer to figure it out and I feel more hurtful than speaking the truth in love.

How about you? Have you practiced the graceful act of providing closure to potential matches and those you've met or dated?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Why Aren't You Married Yet?

We know this is a question that singles are asked frequently around the holidays, when they see friends and family they haven't seen in a while. While this is a painful question to hear, the authors of He Said-She Said have each come up with graceful replies. Please read their article and consider taking their approach next time you are asked the dreaded question.

Why Aren’t You Married Yet?
Cliff Young & Laura MacCorkle

QUESTION: What’s the appropriate (and Christ-like) response to people who are always asking “Why aren’t you married yet?” or “When are you getting married?”

HE SAID: Most every single over the age of twenty-five has probably faced these questions. If not directly, they were posed behind their backs, and the older we get, the more these questions seem to be raised.

I have a friend who I don’t see very often, but when I do his first comment to me is always “When are you getting married? You aren’t getting any younger!” Despite my carnal desire to react with some quip or snide remark, I usually take a breath and refrain.

What I have found to be more crucial than coming up with an “appropriate response” is making sure I am living my life in relation to God’s desires, not my own. Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:1, “I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.”

Although I have longed for a wife and family over the past couple of decades of singleness, I can honestly look back and feel blessed at the way my life has turned out and thankful for all of the incredible opportunities I have had and the amazing friends I have made along the way.

Even more important, I can see how God’s hand in my life has orchestrated my successes and allowed for my failures in order to get me to the point where I believe he wants me today. As a result, I am at peace about my situation and worry less about “marriage” and more about living a life worthy of the calling I have received, as well as pleasing him.

I find it interesting most Christians probably believe in God’s perfect timing when it pertains to their own life, however, when it refers to others, we (me included) often “think” we know what’s better for theirs.

My response the next time I am posed these questions will be, “I’m getting married when I complete everything God wants for me to as a single.”

SHE SAID: This can be a hard question to hear and to answer. But a verse that immediately comes to mind when thinking it through is Colossians 3:17:

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

So even though the questions of “Why aren’t you married yet?” or “When are you getting married?” might seem invasive, intrusive or rude (and if you’re single and have heard these questions a lot, they most likely do seem to feel like that sometimes), that does not necessitate an unkind response or poor Christian witness.

Responding “in the name of the Lord Jesus” means treating the person who has asked you this question in a way that will glorify the Father. Now, that’s easier said than done. I know, because I have sin nature as well, and my flesh doesn’t want to give a kind response when I am asked these questions. Those who are not single may not understand how personal this topic is or how it makes a single feel when being asked these questions. In a single’s mind, he or she can take this kind of questioning to a further degree of “What’s wrong with me?” As in, “Is this person implying that something is wrong with me because I am not married . . . yet?”

I don’t know about you, but I’ve often had this kind of internal dialogue with myself when someone has asked me about my marital status. At first, I used to get angry about it. But as I’ve grown older, I realize that for most people this questioning is coming from a good place and with good intentions in their hearts.

Generally speaking, they aren’t ridiculing, they aren’t trying to make us feel bad and they aren’t saying there is something wrong with us. They love us, they care about us and they truly want to try and understand why God hasn’t already brought us our mates.

So these days, when I am faced with the questions you have asked about, I just assume the best and that they are being asked in kindness and in love. That helps me to release whatever anger or bitterness may try to bubble up inside of me and build a barrier between us. So I choose to make it a “non-event” as I smile and answer like this:

I don’t know, and I don’t understand all of God’s ways or his timing in my life. But I do know that I want what God wants for me. And if that includes marriage one day, then that will be great!

With an answer like that, I am still being truthful but also (hopefully) pleasing God as “the aroma of Christ” (2 Cor. 2:15) while in the presence of others.

Have a great day!
~ Linda
Cache' Connections

CC Events: No Couples Allowed. And that's a good thing.

We received an email from one of our friends/fans/former members in Chicagoland. She wrote, in part:

I just went to a singles event at Willow Creek. There were a TON of people there - it was a service project then a Christmas party. There were many people there that I recognized from Cache Connections events; that was cool to see! I always meet some wonderful godly sisters at these things and have fun at the same time - it's a good thing for me to do. I tell everyone about Cache Connections and your live events; some have heard of you and some haven't. Everyone agrees that the live events are the BEST...in many different ways. They give everyone a chance to have a social life and singles a place to go without couples being there. If a "match" is made, that's good too, but the events serve a much-needed purpose in getting all of us singles "out there" for a fun and interesting time! God bless you and Kim for hosting/organizing these evenings!!

It kinda struck me that I didn't realize singles felt so strongly the importance of attending events where there are no couples. Huh. That explains why we got so many complaints the year we decided to include married couples to a New Year's Eve event. Do singles feel doubly single around couples? Assuming that is at least true in part, imagine how they feel every time they go to church. If they dare.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

New Happy Couple: Beth and Isaac!

This connection has been brewing for about seven months now, so we are happy that Beth and Isaac are willing to share their connection story with friends of Cache' Connections.

You can read all of Beth and Isaac's input HERE. I'll print part of it here, because I want to bring out a few points at the bottom of this blog post.

Beth: In the fall of 2010 I (Beth) started a job in a new office where several Christians worked and some of those new friends began to set me up on dates. None of them worked out but one of the friends told me about Cache Connections (she knew a couple of girls who had had great success on CC) so I decided to give it a try.

I had been on Cache Connections for about 2 months. I had met some really great guys but no mutual desire to continue any of those relationships resulted.

At that point I decided to go back through all my contacts and take another look making sure I had not overlooked someone that would be interesting to meet.

That is when I found Isaac's profile. His pictures were not the best quality but I could tell he was a good looking guy. I joked with Linda about taking my camera on the first date so that I could help him get some decent photos up on the site (good thing that never happened! It was obvious his faith was sincere and that his values were very similar to mine.

I sent Isaac a short email to say hello and within 24 hrs he responded. During that week he let me know that he was praying for me and sent me a scripture (it was one of my favorites). We exchanged our conversion stories right away and before long Isaac suggested a coffee date.

The day we met we sat and talked for about 3 hours and were very upfront with each other. That is one of the things I really appreciated about Isaac and still do - no beating around the bush. It was obvious he was looking for a relationship that would lead to marriage and I was impressed that he had a vision for having not just a good marriage but a great one. Isaac and I talked about our families and how important they were to us. The way he spoke about his mom, dad and siblings was so endearing ...


Isaac: First, I am very grateful to God for your faithful ministry of prayer for single Christians who seek the Lord's will for their lives including a spouse who would love the Lord. Also, your priceless assistance to us in different and creative ways to connect singles in a very safe, fun, and friendly environment. May the Lord richly bless you and your ministry.

About eight months ago I was talking with one of my friends who happened to be one of Cache Connections' members and he explained this valuable website to me. I was not comfortable trying to find my future spouse on dating websites whose members were not believers, but there was something drastically different with Cache Connection. They had a faith statement that was Biblically sound and immediately I felt peace in my heart even though I still had doubts about being able to find what I wanted in a future wife online.

Ten Things I Love About This Love Story:

1. They met online.
2. Both heard about CC through friends.
3. Beth re-searched through her Not Interested tab to give those profiles more consideration.
4. Both are interested in a relationship leading to marriage.
5. Beth was open-minded about the different cultures.
6. Both have thankful hearts.
7. "May the Lord richly bless you and your ministry." What's not to love about that?
8. Beth sent the first message.
9. Both are in their mid-forties and never married.
10. They are so darn cute together!!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

"I'd rather be pursued."

The topic of who is to be the pursuer is one we could probably write about weekly and (almost) never wear it out. We constantly hear from female members that complain, "No one has written to me. If they were interested, they would write. I want to be pursued." Heck, who doesn't?

Maybe out of boredom or a desire to stir things up, I posted the following status on my Facebook wall the other night: So many women say they prefer to "lie in wait" of a man to pursue, rather than send the first message online. While that sounds nice on "paper," it frustrates me as a matchmaker. For whatever reason, it seems that men don't send that many first messages. Someone has to make the first move in order for there to be a match. Unless, of course, they want to pay more money for Cache' Connections to do it personally ... :) Or maybe they don't really want a match? Hmm. Thoughts?

Oh yes, there were thoughts. Mostly from women - no surprise. Here are some of the comments:

Dee Dee: I hear what your saying Linda and your right. So, now I do make the first move on Cache' and send out the first note. Out of the many (I think 6) only 3 gentlemen responded. I get it now, its tough for both men and women. How do we find that happy middle ground where we can all meet and chat. That's where I am working towards as a single! :O

Valerie: I disagree with Linda. If a man is really interested in a woman he will pursue her. If she pursues him, he may just spend time with her until the woman he really wants comes along. I think this whole role reversal thing that is going on in society is not good. Men are supposed to be the leaders in the family, Biblically. Men are meant to be the initiators and leaders. (Lots of "likes" on this one, all female.)

Enza: You're right Valerie...that's what men are supposed to be....but this generation of men has lost their image and lack manhood (sorry guys!)....that's why woman as myself have a hard time finding quality men,because if I have a leader personality and am a decision maker, he needs to be above me in leadership and decision-making! Lack of pursuit from men is only a STRONG indication of men's WEAKNESS! At the same time, it doesn't matter who's initiating the communication...that's ALL that is! It's not a marriage proposal! LOL! I still don't understand why so many "rules" and why christian woman continue to be so inhibited!

Linda: I understand Valerie. This actually goes pretty deep with the societal issues. It's just that for now, it kinda seems that both genders have dug their heals in or are hiding and thus we have the Singlehood Phenomenon. #frustratedandi'mnotsingle

Linda to Enza: there ya go. nuttin in the Bible that says a woman can't say hello. think: Ruth.

Annah: The game does not stand still for the hunter. She should give a glimpse and wait to be pursued. A woman of God is close to her father on the apple tree and takes effort to reach ,because she is not low hanging fruit! Real leaders in men are so hard to find for a woman who has become the leader in her own life. Submitting to the right leader when pursued will be easy because he has submitted to God. Men need to be men for a woman who is a woman!

Valerie: I have been told several times that a Godly woman can be found by a man who is seeking and serving God. I think when women jump ahead of God and pursue a man that they are not waiting for God's best. I realize this means I may not have a date for a long time, but I trust Jesus that He will put a man of God in my life at the right time and the right place..... all in God's timing.

Sharon: People are afraid to make mistakes.. get the wrong person.. but those who take the first step often find thats all they need.. how many of us watch programes on TV that show people facing their fears.. and coming out winners even if they don't get the prize at the end..

Lisa: But I'm not waiting on someone to make the first move I'm waiting on God.

Michele: I'm sorry but anytime I have made the first move, I NEVER get a response. I think that men sort of view it as being needy or desperate. I also think God created man to be the hunter (or pursuer, if you will) and most women need/want to be pursued (not stalked, lol). We want to be found/chosen. It reminds me of our relationship with Christ. The Bible says we love Him because He first loved us. It also equates the mans role to that of Christ and the woman's role to that of the church. If our men pursued and loved us the way Christ loved the church, I think it would be a foundation and bond not easily broken.

Annah: Lisa remember God always gives us a choice! We should wait on him but sometimes he wants is to make a choice. Don't be afraid to meet new people and make the first step as friends. Then it's up to him to pursue!!! This dating and waiting stuff will be worth it!!

Sharon: I wonder though Lisa if GOD does bring people into our lives sometimes and we are supposed to do something?? I mean do a little pursuing.. its hard.. I keep thinking back to when Abraham sent out his servant to find his son a wife.. lol.. I know yes thats rather a loooonng way back.. I just listen to peoples stories how they meet and its all types.. forward females.. to persistant males.. internet.. even a woman who used to sleep as a homeless person in the door way of someones store.. and he got to know her and they fell in love.. aww.. beautiful..

Cheryl: I think that proof of desire is in pursuit. This holds true in many areas of life but especially in relationships. I believe if a man does not pursue a woman, there's usually a reason. If they are on cache connections, my guess is that most men (maybe not all) are pursuing the women or woman they are most interested in.

Lisa: I must admit Cheryl is right! Of course I have first hand experience in this area. ( : If a guy is interested, he will blow up your phone, knock down your door, beg, plead and simply not take a NO...If he is into you. When a guy dawdles, shows low interest, does not call...or makes the woman do the work..She needs to run, cuz he is lazy! Lol

Tom: If a man is not willing to make the first move, a woman should not want him. A woman should not make the first move in order to guard her heart.

Sara: Speaking as someone who has pursued men, I refuse to do it again. It's very painful. And it makes me look like a stalker =) Call me old fashioned, but I want to be "courted". Not the other way around.

Les: A guy should be the pursuer but it IS nice if a gal gives us a little sign!

Lisa: I don't think it really matters who chases who as long as God's in it!! Otherwise it's futile.

Linda: A couple things to keep in mind are: With online dating, this is a 1-dimension atmosphere. You don't have the advantages of meeting in person such as eye contact, fairmones, a friend to break the ice, and other nuances. What that leaves us with is a photo and some words on a screen. Many men will judge mostly by the photo, and they have a specific type in their mind, whether it's right or wrong. We've seen so many couples pass each other up online, only to meet at an event and learn there is in fact an attraction. So I suggest that we take full advantage of online dating and send a dang message. What can it hurt? If you saw a man at church or in a restaurant, would you keep your nose down and body language closed? Or would you poke your girlfriend, nod and giggle a little bit and drop a hankie, lol? Men think they know what they want, but sometimes they need our help (Gen 2:18)

Lisa: Linda, I fully understand this subject and empathize with the others. What I have come to understand about meeting eligible mates, is that you have to put your self out their. God is a God of action, not sitting back n waiting for something to happen. When we do our part God can assist. I also pray that I meet men who are equal to me, similar interest, taste, physical qualities n spiritual. This has proven to be very helpful. But, I have had to put myself out there and that includes dating sites.

Lisa: sometimes we are called to wait, sorry but I know this to be true! it doesn't mean we're sitting back and doing nothing, it is ACTIVELY waiting!

Since this is our blog, we get to have the last word. I just want to clarify that Cache' Connections does not necessarily take the stance that women should be the pursuers in a relationship. There's a difference between saying hello and being a pursuer.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

To Look for or Be the Right Person

I happened across a blog posted at LoveandRespectNOW.com, written by Joy Eggerichs, daughter of Dr. and Mrs. Emerson Eggerichs, who are most well-known for their "Love and Respect" titles. Joy is a 20-something single who is working for her parents, researching the 20-35 year old segment of society in the hopes of preventing people from saying, "If only I knew then, what I know now."

In this post, Joy speaks on three things she has learned by being single. Her second point caught my attention: "Focus on who you are becoming and learn to give some grace." She wrote, "So often we are “looking” for the right person and yet my father always reminds me that it’s more important that I “be” the right person. I don’t think he means striving for perfection as much as he means a shift in focus." She refers to the infamous "list" of what you want in a person, but suggests that, as her father admonishes her, to focus on the person we are becoming. Are you a grace giver, encourager, higher-level faith walker? Do you honor God, your neighbor, your body? If not, Joy suggests that it is a bit hypocritical to expect someone else to fulfill our checklist.

What have you learned by being single? What is your focus?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

CDR Kick-off Events: Win It In a Minute

The Christian Dating Redefined area-wide singles groups in Peoria, Springfield, Rockford and Indianapolis (so far) will launch with the Cache' Connections version of the popular TV show called "Minute to Win It."

If you are not familiar with the NBC TV series, it is a game show that has started a "game revolution," where everyday people are challenged to perform "deceptively difficult games" to vie for a million dollars. Spin-offs of the games are being held at parties, booths, and homes across the country.

Our version will be much like the TV show, including an emcee, video tutorials of the game challenges, a 60-second clock and a few select contestants. Everything, you might say, but the million bucks :)

So whether you come out to be a part of the audience, cheering on one of three teams to victory, or if you apply to be a contestant and brave the challenges on stage, you are sure to have a good time at these kick-off events. As always, there will be plenty of opportunities for you to mix and mingle with other guests after the show. You can check out more information on these and other upcoming events by clicking here. Be sure to let us know if you are interested in being a contestant or a volunteer! We will see you there.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Cyber Monday Special

Today, take advantage of the "Cyber Monday" sale at Cache' Connections, which is $100 off of an entire year! One year is regularly $149.95, but today you pay just $49.95 when you use promotional code: CYBER100.

There are many new members at Cache' Connections, and the message boards are lighting up! Place your stake in the ground and commit to being a part of this growing community of like-minded believers who understand the importance of honoring God in their dating relationships.

New members are reminded to upload their primary photos (one headshot and one bodyshot - just you - taken against a plain indoor wall or door), sort through their Pending tab and send some messages to anyone you might be slightly interested in getting to know. All members are asked to respond to their messages in the spirit of Matthew 7:12: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Feel free to contact us if you have any questions. Have a great week!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Don't make us beg you to return messages :/

Okay. We are begging. We've been receiving a lot of "fan mail" from members who love the Cache' Connections website, but are disappointed that other members are not replying to the messages they've sent.

Unanswered emails is a common complaint with online dating - across the board. But at Cache' Connections, we strive to be uncommon, and in many ways we feel like we are a cut above the rest. Our members and fans realize that we strive to operate the website with godly integrity, and we treat our members with compassion and respect. I think there is a natural tendency, therefore, that members have higher expectations of each other.

At Cache' Connections, we encourage all members to respond to all messages, even if it is to politely say that you don't feel this would be a good connection. I know it can feel like you are being mean or negative, but trust us, the person wants to know where they stand. Part of intentional dating, healthy boundaries and all of that is to just simply "Let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one." (Matt 5:37)

Members need to keep in mind that it is quite possible that the account of the message recipient may have recently expired, and so the member of interest cannot respond without renewing their membership. There are several other possible reasons for the silence, such as lack of access to a computer, lack of computer/typing skills, exploring another connection, and so on.

To some extent, online dating is a numbers game. So get your numbers up and increase your chances. Send a second message after about one week; also review your "Not Interested" folder and re-consider those you initially discarded. Why, just this morning we received an inquiry from a member, asking for information on a lady whose profile he admired in the Single Spotlight. I kindly told him that he could find out all kinds of information by reading her profile in his "Not Interested" tab :)

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

With Others

Today's blog post is taken from the weekly fast.pray blog, where singles and those who care for them fast and pray at lunchtime on Mondays for singles desiring marriage. To join this prayer group, click here. Today one of the founders, Connally, is writing about Paul's example of living with a community setting.

When I first moved to DC, my head spun at how quickly people moved in and then away. I'd make a friend, and s/he'd move--to another part of the city, to another church, to another town all together. I quickly realized why people who had been here a few years often operated with their guard up--it's hard to stay open to new attachments when bonds keep getting broken. And yet, I've always known I long for & thrive in community.

Community, though, is neither simply my longing nor the ache of our generation (though a report from Duke University on "Friendship in America" said that 25% of Americans have ZERO close friends with whom they can talk personally). It is an idea woven throughout the Scriptures. It shows up in the Trinity, and it's in Genesis as God's provision for loneliness But I want to look briefly at the Apostle Paul, a guy I always thought was like an independent John Wayne in a toga. As it turns out, he's not.

1) Have you ever looked closely in Acts at the first thing Paul did after he believed? He is led by another (Acts 9:8). This powerful man found himself vulnerable and needy. I have a couple of older mentors whose active leading I've sought, but I'm also learning to invite the friends around me who know more than I do (be it about cooking, working with kids with disabilities, running a meeting, relating to men, connecting with God, doing conflict resolution, etc.) to teach me. Something about allowing ourselves to need and receive from others actually embeds us more deeply into community. You might ask yourself, "Who in my current community am I allowing to lead me?"

2) The next thing Paul did? He experienced healing in the context of relationship (with Ananias in Acts 9:17ff). It's no shame to be broken, wounded, or even to have recurring sin issues. But they way forward is with others. I've repeatedly asked my housemates & other friends to pray with me about my aches, my weaknesses & my loneliness, even as I've confessed sin and asked for forgiveness. And it is so freeing. As well, when needed, I've sought professional counseling and spiritual direction. Nobody gets through life unscathed or sinless, and finding others with whom we can give/receive the gift of healing i s worth the work. Who are your truly 'safe' people? If you could use a few more, ask God to open doors for friends or 'for such a time as this' outsiders. Healing is crucial for (and a deep joy of) community.

3) And after that? Paul simply spent time being with these new friends (Acts 9:19). Since I was a child, I have believed that I am meant for marriage.

To read the rest of the blog, click here.

Blessings,
Linda
Cache' Connections

Guys as Friends. Really.

Today's post is taken from the fast.pray blog that is issued every Monday to a group of (mostly) singles who are praying and fasting for singles desiring marriage. CLICK HERE to join this prayer group who believes in the power of prayer to affect the singlehood phenomenon!

Just a reminder: we’re fasting and praying for marriages for those who want to be married, for courage for men to walk upright and into relationship, and for courage for us to be able to change where we need to change.

Last week was avoiding codependency in female friendships and this week is healthy friendships with guys. Knowing my mixed results on this front, I decided to get some more opinions with a survey. Granted, this survey has an extremely unrepresentative sample (ie: my three brothers), but here are some of the themes from our conversations.

* It's complicated. Examples of healthy platonic friendships between single guys and girls are few. One party usually ends up with hurt feelings and often the friendship is lost along the way. Don't assume that any particular friendship is free from that reality.
* Let go of your expectations. The survey sample agreed that girls tend to make assumptions and then go to extremes: either being angry/upset/surprised that he doesn't ask her out, or being angry/upset/surprised when he does ask her out. Although there is often plenty of fault to go around, it's a helpful reminder that true friendships are not agenda-driven. When we don't have an end goal, we are free to relax, trust God, and let things unfold as they will.
* Don't keep score. Often women divide and rank themselves based on who, in reality or perception, gets to hang out with the guys and who doesn't. Don't let that kind of silliness interfere with your friendships with guys or girls. Treat girl friends as sisters, not your competition. And treat guy friends as brothers, not a means to an end.
* Keep doors open for everyone in your life. Instead of focusing on befriending guys with "potential," keep your eyes open to the variety of folks God is putting in your path in this season of life. Invest in and befriend and encourage with an eye toward God's goodness and grace toward us.

Lastly, I am trying (half inspired by 1 Timothy 5:1) to build a habit of encouraging all the guys in my life, regardless of relationship status. The other half of the inspiration was, of all things, online dating profiles. I know this sounds ridiculous, but at one point I realized how encouraged I was by what some guys were writing about their hearts and lives. So I decided to start telling them that, regardless of immediate attraction level and with no expectations. After several good conversations, I decided maybe I should do the same thing in everyday life and not just with my single guy friends. The results have been uniformly positive!

So whether that's dad, brothers, friends, coworkers, friends' boyfriends/husbands, or even awkward first dates, I want to be an encouragement. Obviously that looks different in those relational contexts and I have much left to learn (probably the subject of another survey!), but I want to be a source of support, not destruction in any friendship.

As we fast tomorrow, let's make a particular point to pray for our brothers, biological or spiritual.

In His Grace,

Amy

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Your Pet Peeves Pertaining to Online Dating

Here are the results of a recent Facebook poll, asking "what are your online dating pet peeves?"

Stacey: I like it when the guys take time to get to know a woman. Some men seem like they are on a time table and need to seal the deal quick. These men say to me by that speed that they aren't interested in ME, they are just interested in being in a relationship.

Mario: When you state "locals only" and you get request from Manila LOL. Pictures from high school or tiny pictures you cannot see, blurry dark pictures or no pictures. Idealism.... The killer of any relationship.

Lee: When I find a gorgeous, beautiful girl's profile with a very general, non-specific description. Then when you message them, they immediately want you to switch over to email without getting to know each other. It's usually a Russian-scam/con-artist or similar scum. Use the golden discerning rule: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

Doug: Ladies whose profiles basically say "if your not ready to marry me next week don't contact me . Nobody wants to date anymore they think online dating is like ordering a book on the internet.

Jeff: When I used a popular internet dating site, I went through about 750 different matches over a period of about 5 years. My biggest pet peeve were the women who were on the site but obviously not ready to make a commitment (at least not to me) yet they were engaged on this site. Dating is hard work. So a lot of these women thought that a magic genie in a bottle would jump out and show them what to do instead of them doing the substantial work. And then the pendulum would swing the other way and they would want to get married next week. So go figure??

Cari: Men that don't say hardly anything about themselves on their profiles and have blurry far away pictures or thee ole' shirt off in the bathroom mirror taken by themselves with their phone. You are marketing yourself doesn't sound the greatest but that's what it is.

Les: You're on a "Christian" dating site and the only pictures you have of yourself are in a bar holding a bottle of beer?

Dee Dee: You're on a Christian dating site and the profile summary speaks nothing of your relationship with God. Annoying much!!

Lisa: Men who think you owe them a date just because you responded to their message. I politely responded to one that I wasn't interested in him but wished him the best, and he told me I should take my profile off if I wasn't interested.

Cari: Haha Lisa That's funny! I had a guy list all of his "Christian" credentials including where he went to college and his kids being saved etc...I still didn't want to go out with him he was too far away among other things like a temper : /....he got so upset and kept writing horrible things and I had to block him...

Michelle: Some just cannot take no for an answer!

Les: Or how about the time you saw a profile and thought "wow" and spent some time writing this person putting some thought into it only to never get a reply!

Heather: When you send an email and they send you an email that tells you absolutely nothing about themselves.

Do you see yourself in any of these scenes? At Cache' Connections, we encourage all members to respectfully respond to all messages and treat one another as you would prefer to be treated (Matt 7:12.)

~ Linda
Cache' Connections