Another long distance love through Cache' Connections

Today we are announcing the love story of Laura (NW Indiana) and Del, who is from the Quad Cities (IL, IA border) area. Here is their long-awaited story in their own words:

Laura: A couple years ago, Faith Church in Dyer, Indiana hosted a Cache Connections event that I heard about on the radio. I remember wanting to attend but I think I had a scheduling conflict and was unable to attend. What I do remember is looking up your website and reading what you are all about. I thought it was such a great opportunity to connect christian singles together that might not have the chance to meet one another. I loved everything you had on your site. So I just filed it away in my head at that time in my life.
You see, at that point in my life I knew I needed some healing to occur because my husband had left me, our divorce was final, and God had some healing work to do with me. I was shocked at what was going on in my life and angry, not at God, but at what the enemy had stolen from me. I found myself thinking and saying to God, "You know, my first husband died. My second husband left me. But you God...you will NEVER leave me!" During this time I learned to lean on God in ways I hadn't ever before. I asked him to heal areas in my heart only He knew I needed healing in. I knew deep inside me God was preparing me for being a wife again and I wanted to be ready. Completely ready. As whole as I could be given everything I had been through.
One day, while driving in the car with my 8 and 10 year old daughters we heard your New Year's Eve event being advertised on the radio station. My girls commented on how it was for Christian singles. "Hey Mom! You are a single Christian, right??!! Do you want to go to that?? Who knows, you might find a husband there!" With my hands on the steering wheel I get this puzzled look on my face and think to myself, "Did what just happen, really happen? Are you kidding me??!!" They were more than ready for me to get into the dating world! They would ask me if I ever wanted to get married again and they would even tell me they wanted another Dad, one that would stick around this time. Lovely. No pressure right? Oh my gosh! Needless to say my prayers for them headed into a different direction at that point as well.
Every now and again I would look back at your website and think to myself, "You know this looks like a cool thing to check out one day."
So back in June I noticed Cache was having this incredible deal for the year. I told a close single girlfriend about it and told her we should sign up together. She said sure so I went ahead and signed up but I didn't activate my account because of all the traveling I had planned that summer.
I read through all the questions and was so relieved to know that when the timing was right I knew I would be in the right place and in good hands. The depth and breath of the questions were exactly what I needed and then some! I felt such a sense of relief just merely knowing that the questioning process would reveal so much information about someone. Having all of that information accessible about someone before even having to talk to them was almost like a weaning out process just by looking it over first. And I loved that! I knew I would be looking immediately at what they checked in those boxes about smoking, drinking, premarital sex, and lying. These are areas I knew we had to be on the same page on.
A couple weeks later I received a word from the Lord during a massage I was getting. My massage therapist and I were talking and praying and during that time the Lord informed me that any man during this traveling season would just only be a distraction for me. He said he would bring me my husband AFTER I got back from Paris.
I was pretty shocked at that revelation! But I trusted what God had said and I went about my summer travel plans to California, London, and Paris, and had the best time ever! Once I got back from Paris I was busy doing other things-life. I knew I still hadn't finished that final portion on my Cache profile or even uploaded a picture yet. But it was just sitting there, waiting for the perfect timing.
And then that day happened...unexpectedly no less! I was showing my painter all the amazing and thorough questions they ask every person on this site, page by page, and she was amazed at how much information is collected beforehand. We were having the most fun going through all my questions. So much fun that I didn't realize that when I got to the last page that I had accidentally activated my account that day!!
That next morning I get this email with all the "matches" and I'm like, "Whaaaaaat?......." and I'm shaking my head like, "What did I do yesterday?" So I look back and sure enough at the end there are two buttons and I clicked the wrong one. Days later I get this personal notification from a man named,Del. He happened to mention he was originally from California. Well, that caught my eye because I lived in California for 16 years. We started communicating back and forth about California, cities we loved, places we had been, and we loved our "California Connection".
Over the next several emails he would mention his morning devotions, his growth group at church, how active he was, all these things that made me go...."Nice!!" About a week later he asked if we could talk on the phone and so we did. It was fabulous!! The chemistry of our personalities was right on. We both were laughing and chatting constantly the entire night. I think we talked for three hours that night! He wanted to know as much as he could about me. It was super fun!
Every night since that first talk, we have faithfully set aside time to talk with one another. Sometimes its only an hour but sometimes we get easily lost in our conversations and 2 or 3 hours have quickly passed. In the mornings he will text me a bible verse from his morning devotion and then throughout the day he will text me just to say hello or ask me how my day is going. I love that he has such great communicating skills all over the board!
His ability to say it like it is was came out often. In fact, there were times he would catch me off guard with how easily he would wear his heart on his sleeve. He would just tell me what he was thinking or feeling at moments during our hours of conversations and I could feel our friendship deepening. During this time, I warned him I have a "flip side" to me and that I could get a little weirded out every now and again as I'm trying to navigate this part of things. We laughed about it and I told him to just be patient with me and that if he was it would be well worth it in the end.
After two weeks of communicating he said he would like us to meet in person. We agreed to meet half way seeing as there are three hours between the two of us. I remember thinking "Three hours is not ideal, but it is what it is."
We met at this really unusual restaurant bar with a cool vibe to it. It was so "us" it couldn't have been any more perfect. When we met I remember thinking, "Finally!! I finally get to meet the person on the other end of the phone for the last couple weeks!!" We hugged and spent the next four hours talking and laughing and sharing more and more but this time it was in person. We closed the place down that night but Del wasn't done spending time with me so he suggested we go get something hot to drink. We spent another hour and half talking and laughing before we parted ways on our first date. It was an amazing first date, filled with a lot of laughter, many compliments, great conversation, and fabulous chemistry.
We continued talking each night learning more and more about each other. A couple weeks after our first date he asked me to come to Moline, where he lives, so I can meet his 16 year old son, Jonah. At Christmas, he came out to meet my daughters and my family. Everything has gone surprisingly so smooth! He even mentioned us going to the bible book store to pick up a couples daily devotional so we could do it together on the phone. Its been a great addition to our evening conversations.
We brought in the new year together and after all the hoopla was over and we were cleaning up I said to him, "So, what's on your agenda for 2012 babe?" and without hesitating he replied, "I'm getting married in 2012." I looked over at my dear friend and said to her, "Did he just say what I thought he said?" and she replied, "He sure did!" and I said to him, "Well, aren't you speaking to your future wife?!" And his reply was, "Yes, I am!"
Its funny because he had already told me he was praying, asking, and had the faith to believe for BIG things concerning us. He has been very open about being marriage minded from the beginning in this process. I actually liked that about him even though there were times when I was having a hard time processing and expressing how I was thinking and feeling. But he steadily holds his course until I have figured it out in my head and heart at that time. That is so reassuring to me! I love it!
Del often says how thankful he is for the bubble that God placed around me the last couple of years in keeping me single. And then I laugh and tell him about the countless times I would get all frustrated in that area of my life. That season of singleness wasn't easy at times, but I know it had its purpose. I was healing in that season, growing in my relationship with my heavenly father knowing HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME, serving strong at church, and continuing to raise two young daughters on my own. I remember telling Del, "If I only knew then what I know now, I would have been so much more patient in my waiting for you!"
This weekend I'm taking my girls to meet his son and his second Mom where he lives. We are really excited about what God is doing in all of our lives through this "divine connection".
Thank you so much for your wonderful service! I know that our lives are forever changed because of it!! I can't wait to keep you updated! [;)]
Laura


Del: First of all thanks to all at Cache Connections. What your company stands for and believes in is so important. I initially was not so sure how much different your website would be but it turned out to be what I was hoping for. I jumped on board very hopeful, prayerfully hopeful. A little time had passed as I eagerly checked my email for possible connections. One day I saw Laura's photo and said to myself, great smile, very photogenic and very attractive. Well after thoroughly reading her profile I was even more interested. Sent her a message and from there we emailed each other then starting talking on the phone. We connected instantly because of our having lived in California at one time. Our conversations were so good. We literally talked for hours each night for about one week. There was so much in common. One thing really stood out, her lhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifove for the Lord. Laura and I shared so many blessings that the Lord had done in our lives. We decided to meet and well all I can say is amazing. God answered prayer. Laura is beautiful inside and out. Words that come to mind describing us are laughter, open, loving and joyful. Be patient, God does answer prayer - expect it. I look forward to what God has in store for us.
Thanks,
Del

Don't forget the awesome special Cache' Connections has for February: One Year for just $49.95! Save $100 - use promo code: FEB4995.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Seeing with God’s Eyes

Today's blog post is taken from the weekly blog at fast.pray, a group of mostly singles who fast and pray at lunchtime on Mondays for singles desiring marriage:

Growing up, I had absolutely no vision for singleness--not singleness as a season or life stage, let alone calling. Floating around in the far recesses of my mind was the real-if-unarticulated suspicion, "Well, what's the point of living if you aren't married?"

Obviously, I was wrong. Life has slowly taught me this. But part of what has helped has been my getting a bigger picture. Getting the big picture fills my heart with joy—like standing atop Humpback Rocks in the Blue Ridge Mountains (in VA) and gazing on the wide valley and the blue gray layers of surrounding foothills. Something in me exhales, smiles and gains heart for the journey.

So, recently, when I picked up an article, “Created for More” by my friend, Josh Glaser, I was struck by his big picture language for what I’ve begun to see and trust only after writing my book on singleness. He wrote things like this:

* “Scripture begins with a wedding (Adam and Eve) and ends with a wedding (Christ and the church).” It’s the fact of the promised eternal and unashamed union between God and his people that gives meaning and a model to earthly unions. Think, for example, how a husband’s desire for his wife might teach us something about God’s eternal desire for us. Or how a marriage's commitment to mutual self-giving might reflect the love self-giving love within the Trinity. Or what about the delight a couple can have in making a baby—could it be that God wants us to know about his pleasure in creating us? And the joy to be had in co-creating with Him?
* Likewise, singleness lived well in God's presence—for a season, stage or lifetime—carries a bigger message with it. Whether “wanting to marry, committed to life-long celibacy for the sake of serving Christ, or somewhere in the process of working out [our] sexual brokenness,” we get to testify through lives filled with God’s love, friendships, community, extended family when possible, and meaningful work, that sex and marriage are “not the ultimate gift, but only a foreshadowing of it.” And single women who long for marital love play this important prophetic role of waiting. Our celibate waiting “mirrors the waiting that belongs to all [people] as we wait for the culmination of the age,” the marriage between Christ and the church, the union between the new heavens and the new earth.

This bigger picture helps me so much. Since my book came out six years ago, two of my nephews have died in shocking (unrelated) accidents, the reverberations running deep in my family's soul. Sandwiched between these deaths, I broke off my almost-engagement and slammed into anxiety. In short, the last four+ years have rocked my landscape, and I've had to focus anew, pray from a deeper place within me, and ask God to help me see as he sees.

Slowly, as my sight has been aligning with this bigger picture, I find myself exhaling and smiling more, my heart bigger for the journey. My hope in the big, eternal picture deepens and, because of that hope, so does my willingness to still ask for a journey mate.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

This week, as you pray, ask God to help you see yourself, your life, and the big picture as He sees it. I suspect that if you do, you might find yourself breathing a little easier, smiling a bit more, and perhaps finding your heart and hope more full than ever.

Blessings in the Journey, Connally

Have a great week!

Linda

Choosing Community

Today's blog is the weekly entry from fast.pray, a group of singles and those who care for them who fast and pray at lunchtime each Monday:

We're back at it tomorrow, praying and fasting for God to change us, change men, and change the marital status of everyone on the list who is wanting that change!

Sometimes it’s hard to admit we are weak and need community — but learning to let others “get under” our burdens can be the path to life and strength.

One of the hardest weekends in my season of singleness was about three years ago. I can’t remember what I did Friday night, but I spent Saturday morning as usual: I straightened up my townhouse and then ran errands. For some reason, this particular Saturday I felt incredibly lonely. Maybe it was scurrying around town alone (again!) to take care of the basics of life. Or maybe my house just felt particularly empty. Who knows? But that afternoon, as I lay on my bed to read a book, I ended up sobbing my eyes out, longing be married, to have a partner. In between sobs I checked email on my blackberry about two dozen times, hoping for that magical note from someone signaling an end to this season — you know, someone saying they had a blind date to fix me up with, or some guy from the past emailing me out of the blue … anything that would give me a little hope. A Saturday afternoon rescue.

Sunday at church I found a seat — alone — in the back. A guy I had chatted with a few months before, but who had blown me off when I included him in my evite list to a Christmas party, sat two rows ahead of me. A wave of rejection and awkwardness swept over me. There was no way I wanted to bump into him at the “meet and greet” time after the service. Couple that with the usual loneliness of Sundays (ironically, I often felt the most alone at church), and I had to fight hard to keep the tears at bay. By now the service had started; I thought, “I don’t want to cry in front of everyone.” I saw some girlfriends walking in late, and I knew I needed my friends. So I grabbed all my stuff and ran over to sit with them.

After the service I broke down again, but this time in the company of friends. What a difference! So often it’s tempting to keep our walls up, our tears private, and our upper lip as stiff as possible. But that’s not what God intends. He means for us to share one another’s pain, to bear one another’s burdens. He calls us to pray for one another, to find healing in the context of community. He knows we need others to pull us to the Cross.

So my challenge on this snowy Sunday is for all of us to be willing to be weak and to admit that we need one another — to choose to share our lives, and our pain, rather than try to go it alone. We need to be willing to be open and vulnerable with trusted friends, even though at times it’s easier to put on the mask of strength. This can be as simple as being honest about our struggles and asking for prayer, or asking a family to save a seat for you on Sunday mornings so you don’t have to sit alone. God made us for community, and if you don’t have one, pray for God to provide and look around — he means for us to share our lives.

Anne

Have you hugged a single lately?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me

What a powerful verse found in Philippians 4:13! What a challenge to truly believe it ... and live it out! What dropped in my mind this morning is the fact that the subject of this sentence is I. Not God. I. Hmmm ... now there is food for thought. I am the doer, God is the one who empowers me to do all things.

Today I just want all readers to ponder what that means to you in this phase of your life. Whether that means getting out of debt, finding a mate, losing a certain amount of weight, kicking that bad habit, cleaning the garage or getting along with the pesky co-worker.

God takes care of the birds ... he feeds them ... by empowering them to seek, fly and snatch their food. They do the work - God provides the power and means.

What can YOU do through Christ who strengthens you? Please leave your thoughts.

Blessings,
Linda
Cache' Connections

You Never Marry the Right Person

How our culture misunderstands compatibility by Timothy Keller.

We believe that many singles are "stuck" because they fear making the wrong choice in a mate. Here's an article issued in Relevant Magazine that confirms that your fears are correct:

In generations past, there was far less talk about “compatibility” and finding the ideal soul-mate. Today we are looking for someone who accepts us as we are and fulfills our desires, and this creates an unrealistic set of expectations that frustrates both the searchers and the searched for.

In John Tierney’s classic humor article “Picky, Picky, Picky” he tries nobly to get us to laugh at the impossible situation our culture has put us in. He recounts many of the reasons his single friends told him they had given up on their recent relationships:

“She mispronounced ‘Goethe.’”
“How could I take him seriously after seeing The Road Less Traveled on his bookshelf?”
“If she would just lose seven pounds.”
“Sure, he’s a partner, but it’s not a big firm. And he wears those short black socks.”
“Well, it started out great ... beautiful face, great body, nice smile. Everything was going fine—until she turned around.” He paused ominously and shook his head. ”... She had dirty elbows.”

In other words, some people in our culture want too much out of a marriage partner. They do not see marriage as two flawed people coming together to create a space of stability, love and consolation, a “haven in a heartless world,” as Christopher Lasch describes it. Rather, they are looking for someone who will accept them as they are, complement their abilities and fulfill their sexual and emotional desires. This will indeed require a woman who is “a novelist/astronaut with a background in fashion modeling,” and the equivalent in a man. A marriage based not on self-denial but on self-fulfillment will require a low- or no-maintenance partner who meets your needs while making almost no claims on you. Simply put—today people are asking far too much in the marriage partner.
You never marry the right person

The Bible explains why the quest for compatibility seems to be so impossible. As a pastor I have spoken to thousands of couples, some working on marriage-seeking, some working on marriage-sustaining and some working on marriage-saving. I’ve heard them say over and over, “Love shouldn’t be this hard, it should come naturally.” In response I always say something like: “Why believe that? Would someone who wants to play professional baseball say, ‘It shouldn’t be so hard to hit a fastball’? Would someone who wants to write the greatest American novel of her generation say, ‘It shouldn’t be hard to create believable characters and compelling narrative’?” The understandable retort is: “But this is not baseball or literature. This is love. Love should just come naturally if two people are compatible, if they are truly soul-mates. “

The Christian answer to this is that no two people are compatible. Duke University Ethics professor Stanley Hauerwas has famously made this point:

Destructive to marriage is the self-fulfillment ethic that assumes marriage and the family are primarily institutions of personal fulfillment, necessary for us to become "whole" and happy. The assumption is that there is someone just right for us http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifto marry and that if we look closely enough we will find the right person. This moral assumption overlooks a crucial aspect to marriage. It fails to appreciate the fact that we always marry the wrong person.

We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For marriage, http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifbeing [the enormous thing it is] means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary challenge of marriage is learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married.

CLICK HERE to read the article in its entirety.

Find your "wrong" person at Cache' Connections :) Save $100 on a One Year subscription. Use promo code: JAN4995

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Could You Be This Prickly Person?

I'm reading the "Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale, which was written in the early 1950's. If you haven't read it, I certainly recommend it for everyone. It is a great eye-opener on how to open our minds, stretch our faith and adopt an expectant, positive attitude that will bring positive things back to you.

You are reading this blog because you want a mate. I wonder if the things you say, the way you think and the general attitude and mindset you have are hindering your connection possibilities?

In this book, Peale tells of a woman who came to visit him about a problem. He was a few minutes late for the appointment, and when he met her, it was obvious that she was displeased with him, as her lips were pressed firmly together. She shortly lit into him about being late and then pressed forward by stating, "I have a very important problem to present to you and I want an answer, and I expect an answer... I might as well put it to you bluntly. I want to get married."

Peale replied, "Well, that is a perfectly normal desire and I should like to help you."

"I want to know why I can't get married, " she continued. "Every time I form a friendship with a man, the next thing I know he fades out of the picture and another chance is gone by, and, I am not getting any younger. You conduct a personal-problem clinic to study people and you have had some experience, and I am putting my problem right up to you. Tell me, why can't I get married?"

I couldn't wait to read Peale's response. After paying her a few compliments on her sound mind, a fine personality and nice appearance, he got to the heart of the matter. Peale pointed out how she "took him to task" about being late. "Has it ever occurred to you that your attitude represents a pretty serious fault? I think a husband would have a very difficult time if you checked him up that closely all the time. In fact, you would so dominate him that, even if you did marry, your marital life would be unsatisfactory. Love cannot live under domination."

Then he addressed her sour countenance. "You have a very firm way of pressing your lips together which indicates a domineering attitude. The average male, I might as well tell you, does not like to be dominated, at least so that he knows it." (hee hee) He added, "I think you would be a very attractive person if you got those too-firm lines out of your face. You must have a little softness, a little tenderness, and those lines are too firm to be soft." He then moved on to his opinion about the fit of her dress, her hair style and recommended a touch of perfume. Finally, Peale told her that "the really important thing is to get a new attitude that will change the lines on your face and give you that indefinable quality known as spiritual joy. This I am certain will release charm and loveliness in you." Peale quoted an old professor of his who said that God "runs a beauty parlor."

The woman was smart enough to take his advice, and long story short, they reconnected several years later. She was with her husband and 10 year old son. "What you told me was absolutely true," she said very earnestly. "I was the most frustrated, unhappy individual imaginable when I came to see you, but I put into practice the principles you suggested. I really did, and they worked."

Peale was bold enough to tell the woman what she desperately needed to hear, and she was smart enough to be teachable. Are you teachable, coachable, trainable? Is there someone in your life that might be willing to tell you the hard truth that you might need to hear?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

The Scoop On Upcoming Events

Contestants Needed for Win It In a Minute Events

The New Year is upon us and at Cache' Connections we are most excited about the launching of our area-wide singles groups that we affectionately call "Cache' Connections Christian Dating Redefined," or CDR for short.

Two such groups will launch this month and many more are on the horizon. Single Christians in the Peoria and Springfield, Illinois areas can be making plans to attend the kick-off events on 1/14 (Peoria) and 1/28 (Springfield). Those who might like to take on a challenge or a chance to show off can apply to be a contestant for the game show. We need two contestants for Peoria and five for Springfield. There will be three teams consisting of one male and one female. Everyone else will be a part of the audience. But fear not! Of course Cache' Connections will provide opportunities for you to meet other singles at the event.

What's in store for the contestants? We can't tell all of our secrets ... but there will be ping pong balls, a hot potato and Tic Tacs involved ... silly games made out of household goods. The team that beats the clock for three rounds will win the grand prize!

For more information on these kick-off events and the CDR singles groups, please check out the Events tab at cacheconnections.com.

Blessings,
Linda
Cache' Connections

New Advice from Cache' Couples

I decided to put a different spin on the Cache' Connections dating advice. You know we are all about helping Christian singles make good decisions and offering wisdom on how to navigate the dating scene. Today I am sharing some advice from those who have been "in the trenches," so to speak, and are now either married or in committed dating relationships.

Phillis:
Tip #1. Attend the Cache Connection Singles activities.....that is where Craig and I met
Tip #2 Be open to God's timing....it may be different that yours
Tip #3 Be obedient when God speaks...His ways are always best
Tip #4 Remember that relationships take work but the outcome is defintely worth it
Tip #5 Listen to our favorite matchmakers (Kim and Linda)...they have a lot of experience, great advice, and have a GREAT track record!

John:
Be as honest as you can with them, don't hold back. Be truthful all the way down the line. Cache' Connections is great in that your connections are actually looking to meet someone special, which makes it easy - nothing holds you back. If you see someone at church, you have no idea if they are interested in dating. At Cache' Connections you know what its all about.

Lisa:
So after thinking about it all day, I've decided my advice would be the same either way... Know yourself and be your best self. Do some work to find out what kind of person you are most compatible with and don't be afraid to talk to people. Be willing to risk rejection and strong enough to handle it. And get a makeover if you need a confidence boost! ;)

Kristin:
Sounds cliche', but my best advice is to continue to TRUST God with every step. Waiting for the right person can feel like it takes forever sometimes, but when God sends that "perfect" match, you realize how worth the wait it was. And also trusting that when God says He'll take care of us and provide for us, it doesn't always look the way we want it to or expect it to. (especially waiting on his timing) There are so many things about this life that are difficult to understand, but I'm so thankful our God in Heaven has control over it all. I'm learning it's more about the journey and living moment by moment than it is about where it takes us. And knowing that Heaven is on the other side makes the journey so much more worth it all.

Glen:
I would say be authentic, open, and transparent.

You can view more photos and love connection stories of these and other Cache' couples here.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Cache' Tips to Improve Your Date-ability in 2012

Have you given any thought about how you will approach your dating life in 2012? One thing we know is that if you don't make some changes, chances are that nothing will change. We encourage Christian singles to take advantage of the opportunities that Cache' Connections provides Christian singles to improve their dating life. Here are a few ideas:

- Join the Cache' Connections website or extend your membership (Remember, One Year is just $39.95 until 12/31/11. Use promo code: DEC3995 at www.cacheconnections.com)
- Purchase the "Christian Dating Redefined" DVD and get some single friends together for a small group
- Take part in the upcoming "Christian Dating Redefined" ongoing area-wide singles groups
- Apply to be a contestant in the upcoming "Win It In a Minute" events
- Approach your church about hosting a "Christian Dating Redefined" group in your area
- Commit to participating in the monthly online chats with Expert Emily Shupert
- Read at least two Christian dating books (see Recommended Reading under Community and Advice)
- Choose a dating accountability partner and commit to meeting on a regular basis. (Remember, iron sharpens iron!)
- Read the Cache' Connections Blog and Expert Articles
- Get a makeover/haircut/workout buddy/healthy eating plan/positive attitude
- Pray about your dating life and be open to what the Holy Spirit might be telling you. Remember that your mate may not come in the size, shape, time frame or even denomination that you have in mind.

Any other suggestions for our readers?

~ Linda

Merry Christmas from Cache' Connections

Kim and Linda want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas this weekend! We celebrate the birth of our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ and the eternal hope He brings to all who will believe and receive. What a beautiful gift from God the Father ... what a sacrificial gift from Jesus. We encourage you to take time to draw close to Christ today and every day, bringing your praises and concerns to him.

As a reminder, our Christmas gift to Christian singles, new and past members, is a free trial membership at Cache' Connections. If you've never given it a try, why not log on today? Simply create an account by clicking "Join Now" at www.cacheconnections.com. When you get to the Billing page, exit and contact us requesting that your account be opened.

Once you know that Cache' Connections feels right for you, consider taking advantage of the December special, which is a subscription for One Year for just $39.95. Use promo code: DEC3995

Our sincere congratulations go out to Leonard and Jan, who met two years ago at a Cache' Connections speed dating event and married on December 2, 2011. You can read their love story by clicking here.

As we approach a New Year, we encourage you to prayerfully examine your patterns, habits, and attitudes and consider what changes you can make to increase your chances of finding your mate. One thing is for sure, all of our Cache' couples took a risk in stepping out to an event or (sometimes sheepishly) joining the website. Is finding your heart's desire worth the risk?

Merry Christmas!

Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections

Tainted Love

Here's a cute article posted in Focus on the Family's Boundless online magazine.

I was a pretty pathetic dater in my pre-Boundless days. Had you Googled "awkward around the opposite sex," my name would've been prominently displayed alongside a list of my epic dating failures.

It all began at the age of 6, when I decided I was in love with my brother's friend Kurt. Never mind that Kurt was 14; somehow I thought he was both eligible and attainable, and assumed the reason he persecuted me mercilessly wasn't because I was his brother's kid sister, but because he was in love with me, too.

I remember the day I decided to test my theory and put it all on the line. I saw my brother and Kurt standing after school with their group of friends. Knowing it was now or never, I sauntered over to the circle and stood by my brother. Leaning on his arm, I pushed myself up on to my tiptoes (the added height would make me look older). Kurt stood across from me in his black leather jacket, his shaggy dark hair tousled, his eyes cool and assessing, and his demeanor one of detached ease and general awesomeness. Teetering back and forth on my toes, I looked Kurt straight in the eye. Just as I was about to say I know not what, my dream came true; Kurt fixed his gaze on me and spoke. Was he going to ask me to marry him? Isn't that what boys did?

"What are you doing, punk?"

I snapped out of my reverie and blinked. What did he say? Did I mishear him?

"Why are you standing like that? It looks stupid."

This time I knew I'd heard him correctly, because everyone started laughing, and my brother shook me off and said irritably, "What's your problem? Stop hanging on me!"

I burst into tears and ran away. Kurt's and my future together died that very day.

I'd like to say things got better when I was actually old enough to date, but sadly, that isn't the case. Despite being a generally confident and communicative young woman, I seemed to always make missteps around guys. Take for example my friend in college whom I decided I'd like to date; how did I make my move? By telling him I didn't see Christ in his life. Or there was the guy who asked me out, but I apparently wasn't smart enough to figure out he'd actually asked me out on a date. I assumed we were going out with our entire Sunday school class, and when I finally figured out the truth, I was so embarrassed that I clammed up the rest of the evening. By the end of the date, he probably wondered why he had asked me out in the first place.

I was the girl who went out with someone, then avoided him so he couldn't ask me out again. Or if I really liked a guy, I'd try too hard to be funny or clever and just end up offending him or boring him to death. Would you be shocked to know I've also employed my journalist skills on dates? Yep. Many a date has soured by me going into "Diane Sawyer mode" and peppering my victim with questions. Death by interview—the worst kind of dating death.

Thank goodness for Boundless. I give Boundless credit for teaching me that dating can be natural and fun. I learned that dating isn't a competition; it's a privilege. Dating is my opportunity to learn a bit about a brother in Christ and build him up in the process. It allows me to practice communicating, assess character and exercise the fruits of the Spirit. It's a two-way street where two people with God's help determine if they have a future together in service to Him.

Sometimes it's difficult to see our blind spots, prejudices and (ahem) quirks. This is why I'm such a big fan of mentorship. People like Candice Watters, Motte Brown, my sisters, my girlfriends, and yes, even my mom, have pointed things out to me that at the time were hard to hear, but in the end were true and worth taking to heart. Actually applying them and either tweaking a few things or changing course altogether is what has prompted growth and maturity in not only my dating practices, but in my life in general. It's a wise investment, and I'm the beneficiarhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gify.

So while I wandered a dating wasteland for years, all is not lost. I actually went on a few dates recently where 1) I knew they were dates, 2) I refrained from confronting my dates openly, and 3) the guys actually thought I was interesting and fun! That's progress. Who knows, one of these days, maybe I'll marry one of these dudes. Until then, I've left my days of tragically tainted love in the past. I'm now on a better, healthier journey of being myself, discovering others and trusting God with the outcome.

Written by: Lisa Anderson, Director of Boundless/Young Adults

~ Linda

Congratulations Leonard and Jan

It's a very merry Christmas this year for Jan and Leonard, who married on December 2, 2011. December is surely their favorite month, as they met at a Cache' Connections event in December 2009 at one of our first speed dating events in Naperville, Illinois. They've been dating intentionally for the past two years, working on blending their lives together into one. Leonard has been great in sending updates to us, always expressing his gratitude for Cache' Connections. His recent note stated, "Many blessings and know you both are doing an incredible ministry for us current and past singles.."

To read their full connection story, click here.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

New Year's Eve - Where in the world is Wasco, IL?

Chicagoland singles can look forward to spending New Year's Eve with other single Christians at the Cache' Connections New Year's Eve party. It will take place at Niko's Lodge Restaurant in Wasco, which is just west of St. Charles, a northwest suburb of Chicago, Illinois. Your event hostess is Kris Anderson.

There will be the ever-popular speed dating along with other connection activities and an opportunity to roast marshmallows at the outdoor fire pits at Niko's Lodge Restaurant. Order dinner off the menu - separate tickets. Dress is casual. Age recommendation: 35+. Room capacity is 50, so please pre-register! Walk-ins will be accepted upon availability.

Location:
Nikos Lodge Restaurant
41W379 Illinois Route 64
Wasco, IL 60183
(630) 443-8000

Date:
Saturday, December 31, 2011

Time:
8:00 p.m. to 12:30 a.m.

Ages:
All adult ages

Evening Schedule:
8:00 Welcome, socialize
8:15 Icebreaker
8:30 Dinner (order off the menu - separate checks)
9:30 Speed dating
10:30 Connection activities
12:00 Ring in the New Year!

Registration
$20 pre-registration
$25 at the door

CLICK HERE for all details and to register - seating is limited!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

How Do I Get through a Holiday Party Alone?

by Cliff Young & Laura MacCorkle

Today we are posting an article from Crosswalk Singles on how to handle the dreaded Christmas parties as a single. Great advice!

QUESTION: The holidays are really hard for me. I dread going to family gatherings or work functions or parties with friends when I don’t have a date or anyone to go with me. Am I wrong to feel this way or what can I do to just push through these feelings and still enjoy being with other people?

HE SAID: From a perpetual card-carrying member of the holiday “kid’s table,” I understand.

What you are experiencing is pretty common among us “longer than expected” singles and you are not wrong to feel this way. Social gatherings, parties and other “and guest” situations can be discouraging, and holidays seem to intensify and exacerbate the feelings of “aloneness.” However there are ways to make it through these difficult months not only unscathed, but also rewardingly.

The first step is to take your mind off of yourself.

I am reminded of this each day when I see one of our military servicemen or women. They place themselves in harm’s way for our freedoms so we can have the opportunities to “dread spending time with family or friends.”

Don’t approach this time of year with anxiety or trepidation based upon your marital status, but rather with an eagerness to exemplify the significance of the season through what God commands us to do, “Love the Lord your God” and “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 22:37-38).

The holidays may be the only time a non-believer is receptive to hear God’s message.

Instead of worrying about attending these seemingly “couples-only” events alone, seek ways you can bring joy, live out God’s love and impact others. In other words, attend these functions with the aspiration to share who God is.

We are blessed to know this time as a celebration of God’s gift to us in his Son. In the busy-ness of the season, we sometimes forget and begin worrying more about our own desires than his.

Don’t allow yourself to come before him this year. Enjoy your events to the fullest through him.

SHE SAID: Sometimes it seems like all of life as a single adult is like one giant extravaganza that you must attend by yourself. It’s not always fun, but sometimes you’ve got to put on your big girl/boy pants and just go for it. Such is a holiday gathering, and such is life.

But let me recommend a “social plan” that you can put into place before going to your next family gathering, work function or holiday party. I think it might help.

First, do a little recon work and find out who is going. That’s right. See who you know who’s going to be there. And then find your “buddy.” It’s up to you whether you ask that individual (or it could be a couple) beforehand to be your buddy who will stick close by for the event you’re attending. If you’re good enough friends, coworkers or family members, you can have a pre-event conversation where you confide in them that it’s hard for you to attend these types of shindigs alone and you’d be pleased as holiday punch if this person would let you be his/her buddy (Heb. 13:1) for the evening (I’ve done that before, and it’s been a big help!).

Second, determine a time limit for your stay at the party/gathering. Who says you have to be at something like this from the very first moment the door is thrown open ‘til the last person is walking out? If two hours is your limit, then two hours it is. Or if you can only last an hour, then make it an hour that matters: as in, be sure to greet your host/hostess and say “thank you” for his/her hospitality (if you can swing it, a host/hostess gift is always nice to offer as well); try to make a sweep of the room and greet those people you do know; see if you can introduce yourself to at least one new person you don’t know (and make a new friend!); and then, by all means, do partake of the food and beverage that’s been provided for your nourishment and enjoyment. It could help distract you for a few moments, calm your social nerves and fortify you somewhat for the rest of your time there.

Third, pray before, during and after. Pray beforehand that the Lord would bring peace to your anxious heart and that he would help you to be others-focused during the party/gathering. By switching your perspective, you may feel less self-conscious and actually find yourself having a good time as your attention is direchttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifted toward others. Then, pray during the party/gathering that the Lord would point out to you someone who needs an encouraging word (Rom. 12:10) or just someone who looks lonely and needs someone to approach and befriend them (you can be that someone for someone else!). And finally, pray afterward. What does God want to teach you/show you through this experience that is usually difficult for you as a single adult?

I think if you see a party/work function/gathering as a growing experience (James 1:2-4) as well as an outreach opportunity (1 Peter 4:10), you might find yourself enjoying holiday events a little bit more.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Happy 50th Linda!

Finally, I get a little "payback" to Linda as she got quite a kick out of broadcasting my 50th birthday a few years ago.  So let the fun begin!  HAPPY 50TH BIRTHDAY LINDA!

Actually, we've done a lot of reflecting lately as we are coming up on our 5 year Anniversary of launching Cache' Connections.  I don't want to make her head swell, but I do have to admit that she's been a pretty spectacular biz partner.  The qualities I most admire about Linda are definitely her persistence and dedication to "getting the job done."  The most annoying quality is her obsession with grammar.... I really think she should have been an English teacher :)  Although, I do have to admit I have become much better with my words since hanging around together day after day.  But seriously, Linda has been quite an inspiration to me to keep going and to encourage me with God's word when I need to hear it most.

My wish for Linda as she approaches the big 5-0 is that this will be the year she will see the culmination of all her hard work, and God will pour His favor and blessings on her in unfathomable proportions!   No one can really understand what it has taken over the past 5 years to keep this company alive and active.  Relentless is the first word that comes to mind when speaking of Linda's qualities, and without Linda, many of our couples would have never met.

Please let her know how much you appreciate her dedication to providing this matchmaking service for Christian singles, and always committing to glorifying God in the process.

You can connect with her on Facebook or email her at linda@cacheconnections.com.

Blessings,
Kim
Cache' Connections

Let Your No Be No - in Dating

Love, love, love it when we find and receive confirmations of the messages we send to our single friends at Cache' Connections. Last night we received the following message from our friend/fan/member we'll call Don. Also, we love knowing that members are reading Christian books that help them with their relationships.

Hi Linda and Kim,
I'm currently reading Dr. Henry Cloud's latest book, 'Necessary Endings'.
One particular passage spoke to me and I thought it worth sharing. I started to write to you in facebook, and decided to go here instead.
The passage is in Ch. 11, and the title of the passage is 'Often the outcome is good.'
Here is the passage:
'My friend was stuck in her dating life, and it was time to do one right. She was ready to end another short-term dating relationship by just disappearing and dropping out of sight, off of his radar. I told her that if she ever wanted to get where she wanted to be in life and in dating, she had to learn to be more forthright about endings and delivering bad news to people. And I told her that if she wanted my help anymore, she had to call this guy and tell him that she had enjoyed going out with him but that she did not want to go out anymore.
She resisted, but finally made the call. When she did, she was jolted. Expecting the worst, she got the opposite. He said, "I just want to thank you for telling me this in a straightforward manner. You have restored my faith in women and also saved me a lot of time and effort by not continuing to go out with me if it were not going to go anywhere. I wish all women would do what you just did."
She could not believe it, but I gave her a "told you so" coach's nod. It not only helped him, but it also took her to a whole new level of functioning in her relationships with men. Not long after that, she finally attracted the kind of guy she had been looking for: honest, responsible and kind. Why? She had to become that sort of person first before she was going to attract one. That is one of the reasons I had her make the call in the first place. It was not just for him, but also for her development. She had to become what she was looking for before she would ever find it.'

I know this applies to both men and women. I'm sharing it because this has happened to me on a number of occasions and although I have been good at doing thihttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifs most of the time, I have not been 100%. I feel closure is important for both sides and the honorable thing.
You had recently shared a point on Facebook that ' no answer, is a 'no' answer'. This is true, but it takes a lot longer to figure it out and I feel more hurtful than speaking the truth in love.

How about you? Have you practiced the graceful act of providing closure to potential matches and those you've met or dated?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Why Aren't You Married Yet?

We know this is a question that singles are asked frequently around the holidays, when they see friends and family they haven't seen in a while. While this is a painful question to hear, the authors of He Said-She Said have each come up with graceful replies. Please read their article and consider taking their approach next time you are asked the dreaded question.

Why Aren’t You Married Yet?
Cliff Young & Laura MacCorkle

QUESTION: What’s the appropriate (and Christ-like) response to people who are always asking “Why aren’t you married yet?” or “When are you getting married?”

HE SAID: Most every single over the age of twenty-five has probably faced these questions. If not directly, they were posed behind their backs, and the older we get, the more these questions seem to be raised.

I have a friend who I don’t see very often, but when I do his first comment to me is always “When are you getting married? You aren’t getting any younger!” Despite my carnal desire to react with some quip or snide remark, I usually take a breath and refrain.

What I have found to be more crucial than coming up with an “appropriate response” is making sure I am living my life in relation to God’s desires, not my own. Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:1, “I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.”

Although I have longed for a wife and family over the past couple of decades of singleness, I can honestly look back and feel blessed at the way my life has turned out and thankful for all of the incredible opportunities I have had and the amazing friends I have made along the way.

Even more important, I can see how God’s hand in my life has orchestrated my successes and allowed for my failures in order to get me to the point where I believe he wants me today. As a result, I am at peace about my situation and worry less about “marriage” and more about living a life worthy of the calling I have received, as well as pleasing him.

I find it interesting most Christians probably believe in God’s perfect timing when it pertains to their own life, however, when it refers to others, we (me included) often “think” we know what’s better for theirs.

My response the next time I am posed these questions will be, “I’m getting married when I complete everything God wants for me to as a single.”

SHE SAID: This can be a hard question to hear and to answer. But a verse that immediately comes to mind when thinking it through is Colossians 3:17:

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

So even though the questions of “Why aren’t you married yet?” or “When are you getting married?” might seem invasive, intrusive or rude (and if you’re single and have heard these questions a lot, they most likely do seem to feel like that sometimes), that does not necessitate an unkind response or poor Christian witness.

Responding “in the name of the Lord Jesus” means treating the person who has asked you this question in a way that will glorify the Father. Now, that’s easier said than done. I know, because I have sin nature as well, and my flesh doesn’t want to give a kind response when I am asked these questions. Those who are not single may not understand how personal this topic is or how it makes a single feel when being asked these questions. In a single’s mind, he or she can take this kind of questioning to a further degree of “What’s wrong with me?” As in, “Is this person implying that something is wrong with me because I am not married . . . yet?”

I don’t know about you, but I’ve often had this kind of internal dialogue with myself when someone has asked me about my marital status. At first, I used to get angry about it. But as I’ve grown older, I realize that for most people this questioning is coming from a good place and with good intentions in their hearts.

Generally speaking, they aren’t ridiculing, they aren’t trying to make us feel bad and they aren’t saying there is something wrong with us. They love us, they care about us and they truly want to try and understand why God hasn’t already brought us our mates.

So these days, when I am faced with the questions you have asked about, I just assume the best and that they are being asked in kindness and in love. That helps me to release whatever anger or bitterness may try to bubble up inside of me and build a barrier between us. So I choose to make it a “non-event” as I smile and answer like this:

I don’t know, and I don’t understand all of God’s ways or his timing in my life. But I do know that I want what God wants for me. And if that includes marriage one day, then that will be great!

With an answer like that, I am still being truthful but also (hopefully) pleasing God as “the aroma of Christ” (2 Cor. 2:15) while in the presence of others.

Have a great day!
~ Linda
Cache' Connections

CC Events: No Couples Allowed. And that's a good thing.

We received an email from one of our friends/fans/former members in Chicagoland. She wrote, in part:

I just went to a singles event at Willow Creek. There were a TON of people there - it was a service project then a Christmas party. There were many people there that I recognized from Cache Connections events; that was cool to see! I always meet some wonderful godly sisters at these things and have fun at the same time - it's a good thing for me to do. I tell everyone about Cache Connections and your live events; some have heard of you and some haven't. Everyone agrees that the live events are the BEST...in many different ways. They give everyone a chance to have a social life and singles a place to go without couples being there. If a "match" is made, that's good too, but the events serve a much-needed purpose in getting all of us singles "out there" for a fun and interesting time! God bless you and Kim for hosting/organizing these evenings!!

It kinda struck me that I didn't realize singles felt so strongly the importance of attending events where there are no couples. Huh. That explains why we got so many complaints the year we decided to include married couples to a New Year's Eve event. Do singles feel doubly single around couples? Assuming that is at least true in part, imagine how they feel every time they go to church. If they dare.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

New Happy Couple: Beth and Isaac!

This connection has been brewing for about seven months now, so we are happy that Beth and Isaac are willing to share their connection story with friends of Cache' Connections.

You can read all of Beth and Isaac's input HERE. I'll print part of it here, because I want to bring out a few points at the bottom of this blog post.

Beth: In the fall of 2010 I (Beth) started a job in a new office where several Christians worked and some of those new friends began to set me up on dates. None of them worked out but one of the friends told me about Cache Connections (she knew a couple of girls who had had great success on CC) so I decided to give it a try.

I had been on Cache Connections for about 2 months. I had met some really great guys but no mutual desire to continue any of those relationships resulted.

At that point I decided to go back through all my contacts and take another look making sure I had not overlooked someone that would be interesting to meet.

That is when I found Isaac's profile. His pictures were not the best quality but I could tell he was a good looking guy. I joked with Linda about taking my camera on the first date so that I could help him get some decent photos up on the site (good thing that never happened! It was obvious his faith was sincere and that his values were very similar to mine.

I sent Isaac a short email to say hello and within 24 hrs he responded. During that week he let me know that he was praying for me and sent me a scripture (it was one of my favorites). We exchanged our conversion stories right away and before long Isaac suggested a coffee date.

The day we met we sat and talked for about 3 hours and were very upfront with each other. That is one of the things I really appreciated about Isaac and still do - no beating around the bush. It was obvious he was looking for a relationship that would lead to marriage and I was impressed that he had a vision for having not just a good marriage but a great one. Isaac and I talked about our families and how important they were to us. The way he spoke about his mom, dad and siblings was so endearing ...


Isaac: First, I am very grateful to God for your faithful ministry of prayer for single Christians who seek the Lord's will for their lives including a spouse who would love the Lord. Also, your priceless assistance to us in different and creative ways to connect singles in a very safe, fun, and friendly environment. May the Lord richly bless you and your ministry.

About eight months ago I was talking with one of my friends who happened to be one of Cache Connections' members and he explained this valuable website to me. I was not comfortable trying to find my future spouse on dating websites whose members were not believers, but there was something drastically different with Cache Connection. They had a faith statement that was Biblically sound and immediately I felt peace in my heart even though I still had doubts about being able to find what I wanted in a future wife online.

Ten Things I Love About This Love Story:

1. They met online.
2. Both heard about CC through friends.
3. Beth re-searched through her Not Interested tab to give those profiles more consideration.
4. Both are interested in a relationship leading to marriage.
5. Beth was open-minded about the different cultures.
6. Both have thankful hearts.
7. "May the Lord richly bless you and your ministry." What's not to love about that?
8. Beth sent the first message.
9. Both are in their mid-forties and never married.
10. They are so darn cute together!!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections