CACHE' CONNECTIONS CHRISTIAN MATCHMAKING

Another long distance love through Cache' Connections

2012-02-12T20:49:00.003-06:00

Today we are announcing the love story of Laura (NW Indiana) and Del, who is from the Quad Cities (IL, IA border) area. Here is their long-awaited story in their own words:

Laura: A couple years ago, Faith Church in Dyer, Indiana hosted a Cache Connections event that I heard about on the radio. I remember wanting to attend but I think I had a scheduling conflict and was unable to attend. What I do remember is looking up your website and reading what you are all about. I thought it was such a great opportunity to connect christian singles together that might not have the chance to meet one another. I loved everything you had on your site. So I just filed it away in my head at that time in my life.
You see, at that point in my life I knew I needed some healing to occur because my husband had left me, our divorce was final, and God had some healing work to do with me. I was shocked at what was going on in my life and angry, not at God, but at what the enemy had stolen from me. I found myself thinking and saying to God, "You know, my first husband died. My second husband left me. But you God...you will NEVER leave me!" During this time I learned to lean on God in ways I hadn't ever before. I asked him to heal areas in my heart only He knew I needed healing in. I knew deep inside me God was preparing me for being a wife again and I wanted to be ready. Completely ready. As whole as I could be given everything I had been through.
One day, while driving in the car with my 8 and 10 year old daughters we heard your New Year's Eve event being advertised on the radio station. My girls commented on how it was for Christian singles. "Hey Mom! You are a single Christian, right??!! Do you want to go to that?? Who knows, you might find a husband there!" With my hands on the steering wheel I get this puzzled look on my face and think to myself, "Did what just happen, really happen? Are you kidding me??!!" They were more than ready for me to get into the dating world! They would ask me if I ever wanted to get married again and they would even tell me they wanted another Dad, one that would stick around this time. Lovely. No pressure right? Oh my gosh! Needless to say my prayers for them headed into a different direction at that point as well.
Every now and again I would look back at your website and think to myself, "You know this looks like a cool thing to check out one day."
So back in June I noticed Cache was having this incredible deal for the year. I told a close single girlfriend about it and told her we should sign up together. She said sure so I went ahead and signed up but I didn't activate my account because of all the traveling I had planned that summer.
I read through all the questions and was so relieved to know that when the timing was right I knew I would be in the right place and in good hands. The depth and breath of the questions were exactly what I needed and then some! I felt such a sense of relief just merely knowing that the questioning process would reveal so much information about someone. Having all of that information accessible about someone before even having to talk to them was almost like a weaning out process just by looking it over first. And I loved that! I knew I would be looking immediately at what they checked in those boxes about smoking, drinking, premarital sex, and lying. These are areas I knew we had to be on the same page on.
A couple weeks later I received a word from the Lord during a massage I was getting. My massage therapist and I were talking and praying and during that time the Lord informed me that any man during this traveling season would just only be a distraction for me. He said he would bring me my husband AFTER I got back from Paris.
I was pretty shocked at that revelation! But I trusted what God had said and I went about my summer travel plans to California, London, and Paris, and had the best time ever! Once I got back from Paris I was busy doing other things-life. I knew I still hadn't finished that final portion on my Cache profile or even uploaded a picture yet. But it was just sitting there, waiting for the perfect timing.
And then that day happened...unexpectedly no less! I was showing my painter all the amazing and thorough questions they ask every person on this site, page by page, and she was amazed at how much information is collected beforehand. We were having the most fun going through all my questions. So much fun that I didn't realize that when I got to the last page that I had accidentally activated my account that day!!
That next morning I get this email with all the "matches" and I'm like, "Whaaaaaat?......." and I'm shaking my head like, "What did I do yesterday?" So I look back and sure enough at the end there are two buttons and I clicked the wrong one. Days later I get this personal notification from a man named,Del. He happened to mention he was originally from California. Well, that caught my eye because I lived in California for 16 years. We started communicating back and forth about California, cities we loved, places we had been, and we loved our "California Connection".
Over the next several emails he would mention his morning devotions, his growth group at church, how active he was, all these things that made me go...."Nice!!" About a week later he asked if we could talk on the phone and so we did. It was fabulous!! The chemistry of our personalities was right on. We both were laughing and chatting constantly the entire night. I think we talked for three hours that night! He wanted to know as much as he could about me. It was super fun!
Every night since that first talk, we have faithfully set aside time to talk with one another. Sometimes its only an hour but sometimes we get easily lost in our conversations and 2 or 3 hours have quickly passed. In the mornings he will text me a bible verse from his morning devotion and then throughout the day he will text me just to say hello or ask me how my day is going. I love that he has such great communicating skills all over the board!
His ability to say it like it is was came out often. In fact, there were times he would catch me off guard with how easily he would wear his heart on his sleeve. He would just tell me what he was thinking or feeling at moments during our hours of conversations and I could feel our friendship deepening. During this time, I warned him I have a "flip side" to me and that I could get a little weirded out every now and again as I'm trying to navigate this part of things. We laughed about it and I told him to just be patient with me and that if he was it would be well worth it in the end.
After two weeks of communicating he said he would like us to meet in person. We agreed to meet half way seeing as there are three hours between the two of us. I remember thinking "Three hours is not ideal, but it is what it is."
We met at this really unusual restaurant bar with a cool vibe to it. It was so "us" it couldn't have been any more perfect. When we met I remember thinking, "Finally!! I finally get to meet the person on the other end of the phone for the last couple weeks!!" We hugged and spent the next four hours talking and laughing and sharing more and more but this time it was in person. We closed the place down that night but Del wasn't done spending time with me so he suggested we go get something hot to drink. We spent another hour and half talking and laughing before we parted ways on our first date. It was an amazing first date, filled with a lot of laughter, many compliments, great conversation, and fabulous chemistry.
We continued talking each night learning more and more about each other. A couple weeks after our first date he asked me to come to Moline, where he lives, so I can meet his 16 year old son, Jonah. At Christmas, he came out to meet my daughters and my family. Everything has gone surprisingly so smooth! He even mentioned us going to the bible book store to pick up a couples daily devotional so we could do it together on the phone. Its been a great addition to our evening conversations.
We brought in the new year together and after all the hoopla was over and we were cleaning up I said to him, "So, what's on your agenda for 2012 babe?" and without hesitating he replied, "I'm getting married in 2012." I looked over at my dear friend and said to her, "Did he just say what I thought he said?" and she replied, "He sure did!" and I said to him, "Well, aren't you speaking to your future wife?!" And his reply was, "Yes, I am!"
Its funny because he had already told me he was praying, asking, and had the faith to believe for BIG things concerning us. He has been very open about being marriage minded from the beginning in this process. I actually liked that about him even though there were times when I was having a hard time processing and expressing how I was thinking and feeling. But he steadily holds his course until I have figured it out in my head and heart at that time. That is so reassuring to me! I love it!
Del often says how thankful he is for the bubble that God placed around me the last couple of years in keeping me single. And then I laugh and tell him about the countless times I would get all frustrated in that area of my life. That season of singleness wasn't easy at times, but I know it had its purpose. I was healing in that season, growing in my relationship with my heavenly father knowing HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME, serving strong at church, and continuing to raise two young daughters on my own. I remember telling Del, "If I only knew then what I know now, I would have been so much more patient in my waiting for you!"
This weekend I'm taking my girls to meet his son and his second Mom where he lives. We are really excited about what God is doing in all of our lives through this "divine connection".
Thank you so much for your wonderful service! I know that our lives are forever changed because of it!! I can't wait to keep you updated! [;)]
Laura

Del: First of all thanks to all at Cache Connections. What your company stands for and believes in is so important. I initially was not so sure how much different your website would be but it turned out to be what I was hoping for. I jumped on board very hopeful, prayerfully hopeful. A little time had passed as I eagerly checked my email for possible connections. One day I saw Laura's photo and said to myself, great smile, very photogenic and very attractive. Well after thoroughly reading her profile I was even more interested. Sent her a message and from there we emailed each other then starting talking on the phone. We connected instantly because of our having lived in California at one time. Our conversations were so good. We literally talked for hours each night for about one week. There was so much in common. One thing really stood out, her lhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifove for the Lord. Laura and I shared so many blessings that the Lord had done in our lives. We decided to meet and well all I can say is amazing. God answered prayer. Laura is beautiful inside and out. Words that come to mind describing us are laughter, open, loving and joyful. Be patient, God does answer prayer - expect it. I look forward to what God has in store for us.
Thanks,
Del

Don't forget the awesome special Cache' Connections has for February: One Year for just $49.95! Save $100 - use promo code: FEB4995.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Seeing with God’s Eyes

2012-02-06T07:59:00.002-06:00

Today's blog post is taken from the weekly blog at fast.pray, a group of mostly singles who fast and pray at lunchtime on Mondays for singles desiring marriage:

Growing up, I had absolutely no vision for singleness--not singleness as a season or life stage, let alone calling. Floating around in the far recesses of my mind was the real-if-unarticulated suspicion, "Well, what's the point of living if you aren't married?"

Obviously, I was wrong. Life has slowly taught me this. But part of what has helped has been my getting a bigger picture. Getting the big picture fills my heart with joy—like standing atop Humpback Rocks in the Blue Ridge Mountains (in VA) and gazing on the wide valley and the blue gray layers of surrounding foothills. Something in me exhales, smiles and gains heart for the journey.

So, recently, when I picked up an article, “Created for More” by my friend, Josh Glaser, I was struck by his big picture language for what I’ve begun to see and trust only after writing my book on singleness. He wrote things like this:

* “Scripture begins with a wedding (Adam and Eve) and ends with a wedding (Christ and the church).” It’s the fact of the promised eternal and unashamed union between God and his people that gives meaning and a model to earthly unions. Think, for example, how a husband’s desire for his wife might teach us something about God’s eternal desire for us. Or how a marriage's commitment to mutual self-giving might reflect the love self-giving love within the Trinity. Or what about the delight a couple can have in making a baby—could it be that God wants us to know about his pleasure in creating us? And the joy to be had in co-creating with Him?
* Likewise, singleness lived well in God's presence—for a season, stage or lifetime—carries a bigger message with it. Whether “wanting to marry, committed to life-long celibacy for the sake of serving Christ, or somewhere in the process of working out [our] sexual brokenness,” we get to testify through lives filled with God’s love, friendships, community, extended family when possible, and meaningful work, that sex and marriage are “not the ultimate gift, but only a foreshadowing of it.” And single women who long for marital love play this important prophetic role of waiting. Our celibate waiting “mirrors the waiting that belongs to all [people] as we wait for the culmination of the age,” the marriage between Christ and the church, the union between the new heavens and the new earth.

This bigger picture helps me so much. Since my book came out six years ago, two of my nephews have died in shocking (unrelated) accidents, the reverberations running deep in my family's soul. Sandwiched between these deaths, I broke off my almost-engagement and slammed into anxiety. In short, the last four+ years have rocked my landscape, and I've had to focus anew, pray from a deeper place within me, and ask God to help me see as he sees.

Slowly, as my sight has been aligning with this bigger picture, I find myself exhaling and smiling more, my heart bigger for the journey. My hope in the big, eternal picture deepens and, because of that hope, so does my willingness to still ask for a journey mate.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

This week, as you pray, ask God to help you see yourself, your life, and the big picture as He sees it. I suspect that if you do, you might find yourself breathing a little easier, smiling a bit more, and perhaps finding your heart and hope more full than ever.

Blessings in the Journey, Connally

Have a great week!

Linda

Choosing Community

2012-01-23T08:30:00.003-06:00

Today's blog is the weekly entry from fast.pray, a group of singles and those who care for them who fast and pray at lunchtime each Monday:

We're back at it tomorrow, praying and fasting for God to change us, change men, and change the marital status of everyone on the list who is wanting that change!

Sometimes it’s hard to admit we are weak and need community — but learning to let others “get under” our burdens can be the path to life and strength.

One of the hardest weekends in my season of singleness was about three years ago. I can’t remember what I did Friday night, but I spent Saturday morning as usual: I straightened up my townhouse and then ran errands. For some reason, this particular Saturday I felt incredibly lonely. Maybe it was scurrying around town alone (again!) to take care of the basics of life. Or maybe my house just felt particularly empty. Who knows? But that afternoon, as I lay on my bed to read a book, I ended up sobbing my eyes out, longing be married, to have a partner. In between sobs I checked email on my blackberry about two dozen times, hoping for that magical note from someone signaling an end to this season — you know, someone saying they had a blind date to fix me up with, or some guy from the past emailing me out of the blue … anything that would give me a little hope. A Saturday afternoon rescue.

Sunday at church I found a seat — alone — in the back. A guy I had chatted with a few months before, but who had blown me off when I included him in my evite list to a Christmas party, sat two rows ahead of me. A wave of rejection and awkwardness swept over me. There was no way I wanted to bump into him at the “meet and greet” time after the service. Couple that with the usual loneliness of Sundays (ironically, I often felt the most alone at church), and I had to fight hard to keep the tears at bay. By now the service had started; I thought, “I don’t want to cry in front of everyone.” I saw some girlfriends walking in late, and I knew I needed my friends. So I grabbed all my stuff and ran over to sit with them.

After the service I broke down again, but this time in the company of friends. What a difference! So often it’s tempting to keep our walls up, our tears private, and our upper lip as stiff as possible. But that’s not what God intends. He means for us to share one another’s pain, to bear one another’s burdens. He calls us to pray for one another, to find healing in the context of community. He knows we need others to pull us to the Cross.

So my challenge on this snowy Sunday is for all of us to be willing to be weak and to admit that we need one another — to choose to share our lives, and our pain, rather than try to go it alone. We need to be willing to be open and vulnerable with trusted friends, even though at times it’s easier to put on the mask of strength. This can be as simple as being honest about our struggles and asking for prayer, or asking a family to save a seat for you on Sunday mornings so you don’t have to sit alone. God made us for community, and if you don’t have one, pray for God to provide and look around — he means for us to share our lives.

Anne

Have you hugged a single lately?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me

2012-01-11T11:02:00.003-06:00

What a powerful verse found in Philippians 4:13! What a challenge to truly believe it ... and live it out! What dropped in my mind this morning is the fact that the subject of this sentence is I. Not God. I. Hmmm ... now there is food for thought. I am the doer, God is the one who empowers me to do all things.

Today I just want all readers to ponder what that means to you in this phase of your life. Whether that means getting out of debt, finding a mate, losing a certain amount of weight, kicking that bad habit, cleaning the garage or getting along with the pesky co-worker.

God takes care of the birds ... he feeds them ... by empowering them to seek, fly and snatch their food. They do the work - God provides the power and means.

What can YOU do through Christ who strengthens you? Please leave your thoughts.

Blessings,
Linda
Cache' Connections

You Never Marry the Right Person

2012-01-10T06:42:00.003-06:00

How our culture misunderstands compatibility by Timothy Keller.

We believe that many singles are "stuck" because they fear making the wrong choice in a mate. Here's an article issued in Relevant Magazine that confirms that your fears are correct:

In generations past, there was far less talk about “compatibility” and finding the ideal soul-mate. Today we are looking for someone who accepts us as we are and fulfills our desires, and this creates an unrealistic set of expectations that frustrates both the searchers and the searched for.

In John Tierney’s classic humor article “Picky, Picky, Picky” he tries nobly to get us to laugh at the impossible situation our culture has put us in. He recounts many of the reasons his single friends told him they had given up on their recent relationships:

“She mispronounced ‘Goethe.’”
“How could I take him seriously after seeing The Road Less Traveled on his bookshelf?”
“If she would just lose seven pounds.”
“Sure, he’s a partner, but it’s not a big firm. And he wears those short black socks.”
“Well, it started out great ... beautiful face, great body, nice smile. Everything was going fine—until she turned around.” He paused ominously and shook his head. ”... She had dirty elbows.”

In other words, some people in our culture want too much out of a marriage partner. They do not see marriage as two flawed people coming together to create a space of stability, love and consolation, a “haven in a heartless world,” as Christopher Lasch describes it. Rather, they are looking for someone who will accept them as they are, complement their abilities and fulfill their sexual and emotional desires. This will indeed require a woman who is “a novelist/astronaut with a background in fashion modeling,” and the equivalent in a man. A marriage based not on self-denial but on self-fulfillment will require a low- or no-maintenance partner who meets your needs while making almost no claims on you. Simply put—today people are asking far too much in the marriage partner.
You never marry the right person

The Bible explains why the quest for compatibility seems to be so impossible. As a pastor I have spoken to thousands of couples, some working on marriage-seeking, some working on marriage-sustaining and some working on marriage-saving. I’ve heard them say over and over, “Love shouldn’t be this hard, it should come naturally.” In response I always say something like: “Why believe that? Would someone who wants to play professional baseball say, ‘It shouldn’t be so hard to hit a fastball’? Would someone who wants to write the greatest American novel of her generation say, ‘It shouldn’t be hard to create believable characters and compelling narrative’?” The understandable retort is: “But this is not baseball or literature. This is love. Love should just come naturally if two people are compatible, if they are truly soul-mates. “

The Christian answer to this is that no two people are compatible. Duke University Ethics professor Stanley Hauerwas has famously made this point:

Destructive to marriage is the self-fulfillment ethic that assumes marriage and the family are primarily institutions of personal fulfillment, necessary for us to become "whole" and happy. The assumption is that there is someone just right for us http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifto marry and that if we look closely enough we will find the right person. This moral assumption overlooks a crucial aspect to marriage. It fails to appreciate the fact that we always marry the wrong person.

We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For marriage, http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifbeing [the enormous thing it is] means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary challenge of marriage is learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married.

CLICK HERE to read the article in its entirety.

Find your "wrong" person at Cache' Connections :) Save $100 on a One Year subscription. Use promo code: JAN4995

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Could You Be This Prickly Person?

2012-01-09T07:06:00.003-06:00

I'm reading the "Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale, which was written in the early 1950's. If you haven't read it, I certainly recommend it for everyone. It is a great eye-opener on how to open our minds, stretch our faith and adopt an expectant, positive attitude that will bring positive things back to you.

You are reading this blog because you want a mate. I wonder if the things you say, the way you think and the general attitude and mindset you have are hindering your connection possibilities?

In this book, Peale tells of a woman who came to visit him about a problem. He was a few minutes late for the appointment, and when he met her, it was obvious that she was displeased with him, as her lips were pressed firmly together. She shortly lit into him about being late and then pressed forward by stating, "I have a very important problem to present to you and I want an answer, and I expect an answer... I might as well put it to you bluntly. I want to get married."

Peale replied, "Well, that is a perfectly normal desire and I should like to help you."

"I want to know why I can't get married, " she continued. "Every time I form a friendship with a man, the next thing I know he fades out of the picture and another chance is gone by, and, I am not getting any younger. You conduct a personal-problem clinic to study people and you have had some experience, and I am putting my problem right up to you. Tell me, why can't I get married?"

I couldn't wait to read Peale's response. After paying her a few compliments on her sound mind, a fine personality and nice appearance, he got to the heart of the matter. Peale pointed out how she "took him to task" about being late. "Has it ever occurred to you that your attitude represents a pretty serious fault? I think a husband would have a very difficult time if you checked him up that closely all the time. In fact, you would so dominate him that, even if you did marry, your marital life would be unsatisfactory. Love cannot live under domination."

Then he addressed her sour countenance. "You have a very firm way of pressing your lips together which indicates a domineering attitude. The average male, I might as well tell you, does not like to be dominated, at least so that he knows it." (hee hee) He added, "I think you would be a very attractive person if you got those too-firm lines out of your face. You must have a little softness, a little tenderness, and those lines are too firm to be soft." He then moved on to his opinion about the fit of her dress, her hair style and recommended a touch of perfume. Finally, Peale told her that "the really important thing is to get a new attitude that will change the lines on your face and give you that indefinable quality known as spiritual joy. This I am certain will release charm and loveliness in you." Peale quoted an old professor of his who said that God "runs a beauty parlor."

The woman was smart enough to take his advice, and long story short, they reconnected several years later. She was with her husband and 10 year old son. "What you told me was absolutely true," she said very earnestly. "I was the most frustrated, unhappy individual imaginable when I came to see you, but I put into practice the principles you suggested. I really did, and they worked."

Peale was bold enough to tell the woman what she desperately needed to hear, and she was smart enough to be teachable. Are you teachable, coachable, trainable? Is there someone in your life that might be willing to tell you the hard truth that you might need to hear?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

The Scoop On Upcoming Events

2012-01-05T11:40:00.001-06:00

Contestants Needed for Win It In a Minute Events

2012-01-04T08:05:00.003-06:00

The New Year is upon us and at Cache' Connections we are most excited about the launching of our area-wide singles groups that we affectionately call "Cache' Connections Christian Dating Redefined," or CDR for short.

Two such groups will launch this month and many more are on the horizon. Single Christians in the Peoria and Springfield, Illinois areas can be making plans to attend the kick-off events on 1/14 (Peoria) and 1/28 (Springfield). Those who might like to take on a challenge or a chance to show off can apply to be a contestant for the game show. We need two contestants for Peoria and five for Springfield. There will be three teams consisting of one male and one female. Everyone else will be a part of the audience. But fear not! Of course Cache' Connections will provide opportunities for you to meet other singles at the event.

What's in store for the contestants? We can't tell all of our secrets ... but there will be ping pong balls, a hot potato and Tic Tacs involved ... silly games made out of household goods. The team that beats the clock for three rounds will win the grand prize!

For more information on these kick-off events and the CDR singles groups, please check out the Events tab at cacheconnections.com.

Blessings,
Linda
Cache' Connections

New Advice from Cache' Couples

2011-12-30T07:46:00.006-06:00

I decided to put a different spin on the Cache' Connections dating advice. You know we are all about helping Christian singles make good decisions and offering wisdom on how to navigate the dating scene. Today I am sharing some advice from those who have been "in the trenches," so to speak, and are now either married or in committed dating relationships.

Phillis:
Tip #1. Attend the Cache Connection Singles activities.....that is where Craig and I met
Tip #2 Be open to God's timing....it may be different that yours
Tip #3 Be obedient when God speaks...His ways are always best
Tip #4 Remember that relationships take work but the outcome is defintely worth it
Tip #5 Listen to our favorite matchmakers (Kim and Linda)...they have a lot of experience, great advice, and have a GREAT track record!

John:
Be as honest as you can with them, don't hold back. Be truthful all the way down the line. Cache' Connections is great in that your connections are actually looking to meet someone special, which makes it easy - nothing holds you back. If you see someone at church, you have no idea if they are interested in dating. At Cache' Connections you know what its all about.

Lisa:
So after thinking about it all day, I've decided my advice would be the same either way... Know yourself and be your best self. Do some work to find out what kind of person you are most compatible with and don't be afraid to talk to people. Be willing to risk rejection and strong enough to handle it. And get a makeover if you need a confidence boost! ;)

Kristin:
Sounds cliche', but my best advice is to continue to TRUST God with every step. Waiting for the right person can feel like it takes forever sometimes, but when God sends that "perfect" match, you realize how worth the wait it was. And also trusting that when God says He'll take care of us and provide for us, it doesn't always look the way we want it to or expect it to. (especially waiting on his timing) There are so many things about this life that are difficult to understand, but I'm so thankful our God in Heaven has control over it all. I'm learning it's more about the journey and living moment by moment than it is about where it takes us. And knowing that Heaven is on the other side makes the journey so much more worth it all.

Glen:
I would say be authentic, open, and transparent.

You can view more photos and love connection stories of these and other Cache' couples here.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Cache' Tips to Improve Your Date-ability in 2012

2011-12-29T07:26:00.006-06:00

Have you given any thought about how you will approach your dating life in 2012? One thing we know is that if you don't make some changes, chances are that nothing will change. We encourage Christian singles to take advantage of the opportunities that Cache' Connections provides Christian singles to improve their dating life. Here are a few ideas:

- Join the Cache' Connections website or extend your membership (Remember, One Year is just $39.95 until 12/31/11. Use promo code: DEC3995 at www.cacheconnections.com)
- Purchase the "Christian Dating Redefined" DVD and get some single friends together for a small group
- Take part in the upcoming "Christian Dating Redefined" ongoing area-wide singles groups
- Apply to be a contestant in the upcoming "Win It In a Minute" events
- Approach your church about hosting a "Christian Dating Redefined" group in your area
- Commit to participating in the monthly online chats with Expert Emily Shupert
- Read at least two Christian dating books (see Recommended Reading under Community and Advice)
- Choose a dating accountability partner and commit to meeting on a regular basis. (Remember, iron sharpens iron!)
- Read the Cache' Connections Blog and Expert Articles
- Get a makeover/haircut/workout buddy/healthy eating plan/positive attitude
- Pray about your dating life and be open to what the Holy Spirit might be telling you. Remember that your mate may not come in the size, shape, time frame or even denomination that you have in mind.

Any other suggestions for our readers?

~ Linda

Merry Christmas from Cache' Connections

2011-12-24T19:32:00.002-06:00

Kim and Linda want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas this weekend! We celebrate the birth of our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ and the eternal hope He brings to all who will believe and receive. What a beautiful gift from God the Father ... what a sacrificial gift from Jesus. We encourage you to take time to draw close to Christ today and every day, bringing your praises and concerns to him.

As a reminder, our Christmas gift to Christian singles, new and past members, is a free trial membership at Cache' Connections. If you've never given it a try, why not log on today? Simply create an account by clicking "Join Now" at www.cacheconnections.com. When you get to the Billing page, exit and contact us requesting that your account be opened.

Once you know that Cache' Connections feels right for you, consider taking advantage of the December special, which is a subscription for One Year for just $39.95. Use promo code: DEC3995

Our sincere congratulations go out to Leonard and Jan, who met two years ago at a Cache' Connections speed dating event and married on December 2, 2011. You can read their love story by clicking here.

As we approach a New Year, we encourage you to prayerfully examine your patterns, habits, and attitudes and consider what changes you can make to increase your chances of finding your mate. One thing is for sure, all of our Cache' couples took a risk in stepping out to an event or (sometimes sheepishly) joining the website. Is finding your heart's desire worth the risk?

Merry Christmas!

Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections

Tainted Love

2011-12-23T06:43:00.002-06:00

Here's a cute article posted in Focus on the Family's Boundless online magazine.

I was a pretty pathetic dater in my pre-Boundless days. Had you Googled "awkward around the opposite sex," my name would've been prominently displayed alongside a list of my epic dating failures.

It all began at the age of 6, when I decided I was in love with my brother's friend Kurt. Never mind that Kurt was 14; somehow I thought he was both eligible and attainable, and assumed the reason he persecuted me mercilessly wasn't because I was his brother's kid sister, but because he was in love with me, too.

I remember the day I decided to test my theory and put it all on the line. I saw my brother and Kurt standing after school with their group of friends. Knowing it was now or never, I sauntered over to the circle and stood by my brother. Leaning on his arm, I pushed myself up on to my tiptoes (the added height would make me look older). Kurt stood across from me in his black leather jacket, his shaggy dark hair tousled, his eyes cool and assessing, and his demeanor one of detached ease and general awesomeness. Teetering back and forth on my toes, I looked Kurt straight in the eye. Just as I was about to say I know not what, my dream came true; Kurt fixed his gaze on me and spoke. Was he going to ask me to marry him? Isn't that what boys did?

"What are you doing, punk?"

I snapped out of my reverie and blinked. What did he say? Did I mishear him?

"Why are you standing like that? It looks stupid."

This time I knew I'd heard him correctly, because everyone started laughing, and my brother shook me off and said irritably, "What's your problem? Stop hanging on me!"

I burst into tears and ran away. Kurt's and my future together died that very day.

I'd like to say things got better when I was actually old enough to date, but sadly, that isn't the case. Despite being a generally confident and communicative young woman, I seemed to always make missteps around guys. Take for example my friend in college whom I decided I'd like to date; how did I make my move? By telling him I didn't see Christ in his life. Or there was the guy who asked me out, but I apparently wasn't smart enough to figure out he'd actually asked me out on a date. I assumed we were going out with our entire Sunday school class, and when I finally figured out the truth, I was so embarrassed that I clammed up the rest of the evening. By the end of the date, he probably wondered why he had asked me out in the first place.

I was the girl who went out with someone, then avoided him so he couldn't ask me out again. Or if I really liked a guy, I'd try too hard to be funny or clever and just end up offending him or boring him to death. Would you be shocked to know I've also employed my journalist skills on dates? Yep. Many a date has soured by me going into "Diane Sawyer mode" and peppering my victim with questions. Death by interview—the worst kind of dating death.

Thank goodness for Boundless. I give Boundless credit for teaching me that dating can be natural and fun. I learned that dating isn't a competition; it's a privilege. Dating is my opportunity to learn a bit about a brother in Christ and build him up in the process. It allows me to practice communicating, assess character and exercise the fruits of the Spirit. It's a two-way street where two people with God's help determine if they have a future together in service to Him.

Sometimes it's difficult to see our blind spots, prejudices and (ahem) quirks. This is why I'm such a big fan of mentorship. People like Candice Watters, Motte Brown, my sisters, my girlfriends, and yes, even my mom, have pointed things out to me that at the time were hard to hear, but in the end were true and worth taking to heart. Actually applying them and either tweaking a few things or changing course altogether is what has prompted growth and maturity in not only my dating practices, but in my life in general. It's a wise investment, and I'm the beneficiarhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gify.

So while I wandered a dating wasteland for years, all is not lost. I actually went on a few dates recently where 1) I knew they were dates, 2) I refrained from confronting my dates openly, and 3) the guys actually thought I was interesting and fun! That's progress. Who knows, one of these days, maybe I'll marry one of these dudes. Until then, I've left my days of tragically tainted love in the past. I'm now on a better, healthier journey of being myself, discovering others and trusting God with the outcome.

Written by: Lisa Anderson, Director of Boundless/Young Adults

~ Linda

Congratulations Leonard and Jan

2011-12-20T07:04:00.002-06:00

It's a very merry Christmas this year for Jan and Leonard, who married on December 2, 2011. December is surely their favorite month, as they met at a Cache' Connections event in December 2009 at one of our first speed dating events in Naperville, Illinois. They've been dating intentionally for the past two years, working on blending their lives together into one. Leonard has been great in sending updates to us, always expressing his gratitude for Cache' Connections. His recent note stated, "Many blessings and know you both are doing an incredible ministry for us current and past singles.."

To read their full connection story, click here.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

New Year's Eve - Where in the world is Wasco, IL?

2011-12-16T06:39:00.004-06:00

Chicagoland singles can look forward to spending New Year's Eve with other single Christians at the Cache' Connections New Year's Eve party. It will take place at Niko's Lodge Restaurant in Wasco, which is just west of St. Charles, a northwest suburb of Chicago, Illinois. Your event hostess is Kris Anderson.

There will be the ever-popular speed dating along with other connection activities and an opportunity to roast marshmallows at the outdoor fire pits at Niko's Lodge Restaurant. Order dinner off the menu - separate tickets. Dress is casual. Age recommendation: 35+. Room capacity is 50, so please pre-register! Walk-ins will be accepted upon availability.

Location:
Nikos Lodge Restaurant
41W379 Illinois Route 64
Wasco, IL 60183
(630) 443-8000

Date:
Saturday, December 31, 2011

Time:
8:00 p.m. to 12:30 a.m.

Ages:
All adult ages

Evening Schedule:
8:00 Welcome, socialize
8:15 Icebreaker
8:30 Dinner (order off the menu - separate checks)
9:30 Speed dating
10:30 Connection activities
12:00 Ring in the New Year!

Registration
$20 pre-registration
$25 at the door

CLICK HERE for all details and to register - seating is limited!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

How Do I Get through a Holiday Party Alone?

2011-12-15T07:21:00.003-06:00

by Cliff Young & Laura MacCorkle

Today we are posting an article from Crosswalk Singles on how to handle the dreaded Christmas parties as a single. Great advice!

QUESTION: The holidays are really hard for me. I dread going to family gatherings or work functions or parties with friends when I don’t have a date or anyone to go with me. Am I wrong to feel this way or what can I do to just push through these feelings and still enjoy being with other people?

HE SAID: From a perpetual card-carrying member of the holiday “kid’s table,” I understand.

What you are experiencing is pretty common among us “longer than expected” singles and you are not wrong to feel this way. Social gatherings, parties and other “and guest” situations can be discouraging, and holidays seem to intensify and exacerbate the feelings of “aloneness.” However there are ways to make it through these difficult months not only unscathed, but also rewardingly.

The first step is to take your mind off of yourself.

I am reminded of this each day when I see one of our military servicemen or women. They place themselves in harm’s way for our freedoms so we can have the opportunities to “dread spending time with family or friends.”

Don’t approach this time of year with anxiety or trepidation based upon your marital status, but rather with an eagerness to exemplify the significance of the season through what God commands us to do, “Love the Lord your God” and “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 22:37-38).

The holidays may be the only time a non-believer is receptive to hear God’s message.

Instead of worrying about attending these seemingly “couples-only” events alone, seek ways you can bring joy, live out God’s love and impact others. In other words, attend these functions with the aspiration to share who God is.

We are blessed to know this time as a celebration of God’s gift to us in his Son. In the busy-ness of the season, we sometimes forget and begin worrying more about our own desires than his.

Don’t allow yourself to come before him this year. Enjoy your events to the fullest through him.

SHE SAID: Sometimes it seems like all of life as a single adult is like one giant extravaganza that you must attend by yourself. It’s not always fun, but sometimes you’ve got to put on your big girl/boy pants and just go for it. Such is a holiday gathering, and such is life.

But let me recommend a “social plan” that you can put into place before going to your next family gathering, work function or holiday party. I think it might help.

First, do a little recon work and find out who is going. That’s right. See who you know who’s going to be there. And then find your “buddy.” It’s up to you whether you ask that individual (or it could be a couple) beforehand to be your buddy who will stick close by for the event you’re attending. If you’re good enough friends, coworkers or family members, you can have a pre-event conversation where you confide in them that it’s hard for you to attend these types of shindigs alone and you’d be pleased as holiday punch if this person would let you be his/her buddy (Heb. 13:1) for the evening (I’ve done that before, and it’s been a big help!).

Second, determine a time limit for your stay at the party/gathering. Who says you have to be at something like this from the very first moment the door is thrown open ‘til the last person is walking out? If two hours is your limit, then two hours it is. Or if you can only last an hour, then make it an hour that matters: as in, be sure to greet your host/hostess and say “thank you” for his/her hospitality (if you can swing it, a host/hostess gift is always nice to offer as well); try to make a sweep of the room and greet those people you do know; see if you can introduce yourself to at least one new person you don’t know (and make a new friend!); and then, by all means, do partake of the food and beverage that’s been provided for your nourishment and enjoyment. It could help distract you for a few moments, calm your social nerves and fortify you somewhat for the rest of your time there.

Third, pray before, during and after. Pray beforehand that the Lord would bring peace to your anxious heart and that he would help you to be others-focused during the party/gathering. By switching your perspective, you may feel less self-conscious and actually find yourself having a good time as your attention is direchttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifted toward others. Then, pray during the party/gathering that the Lord would point out to you someone who needs an encouraging word (Rom. 12:10) or just someone who looks lonely and needs someone to approach and befriend them (you can be that someone for someone else!). And finally, pray afterward. What does God want to teach you/show you through this experience that is usually difficult for you as a single adult?

I think if you see a party/work function/gathering as a growing experience (James 1:2-4) as well as an outreach opportunity (1 Peter 4:10), you might find yourself enjoying holiday events a little bit more.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Happy 50th Linda!

2011-12-12T06:28:00.001-06:00

Finally, I get a little "payback" to Linda as she got quite a kick out of broadcasting my 50th birthday a few years ago. So let the fun begin! HAPPY 50TH BIRTHDAY LINDA!

Actually, we've done a lot of reflecting lately as we are coming up on our 5 year Anniversary of launching Cache' Connections. I don't want to make her head swell, but I do have to admit that she's been a pretty spectacular biz partner. The qualities I most admire about Linda are definitely her persistence and dedication to "getting the job done." The most annoying quality is her obsession with grammar.... I really think she should have been an English teacher :) Although, I do have to admit I have become much better with my words since hanging around together day after day. But seriously, Linda has been quite an inspiration to me to keep going and to encourage me with God's word when I need to hear it most.

My wish for Linda as she approaches the big 5-0 is that this will be the year she will see the culmination of all her hard work, and God will pour His favor and blessings on her in unfathomable proportions! No one can really understand what it has taken over the past 5 years to keep this company alive and active. Relentless is the first word that comes to mind when speaking of Linda's qualities, and without Linda, many of our couples would have never met.

Please let her know how much you appreciate her dedication to providing this matchmaking service for Christian singles, and always committing to glorifying God in the process.

You can connect with her on Facebook or email her at linda@cacheconnections.com.

Blessings,
Kim
Cache' Connections

Let Your No Be No - in Dating

2011-12-10T08:17:00.003-06:00

Love, love, love it when we find and receive confirmations of the messages we send to our single friends at Cache' Connections. Last night we received the following message from our friend/fan/member we'll call Don. Also, we love knowing that members are reading Christian books that help them with their relationships.

Hi Linda and Kim,
I'm currently reading Dr. Henry Cloud's latest book, 'Necessary Endings'.
One particular passage spoke to me and I thought it worth sharing. I started to write to you in facebook, and decided to go here instead.
The passage is in Ch. 11, and the title of the passage is 'Often the outcome is good.'
Here is the passage:
'My friend was stuck in her dating life, and it was time to do one right. She was ready to end another short-term dating relationship by just disappearing and dropping out of sight, off of his radar. I told her that if she ever wanted to get where she wanted to be in life and in dating, she had to learn to be more forthright about endings and delivering bad news to people. And I told her that if she wanted my help anymore, she had to call this guy and tell him that she had enjoyed going out with him but that she did not want to go out anymore.
She resisted, but finally made the call. When she did, she was jolted. Expecting the worst, she got the opposite. He said, "I just want to thank you for telling me this in a straightforward manner. You have restored my faith in women and also saved me a lot of time and effort by not continuing to go out with me if it were not going to go anywhere. I wish all women would do what you just did."
She could not believe it, but I gave her a "told you so" coach's nod. It not only helped him, but it also took her to a whole new level of functioning in her relationships with men. Not long after that, she finally attracted the kind of guy she had been looking for: honest, responsible and kind. Why? She had to become that sort of person first before she was going to attract one. That is one of the reasons I had her make the call in the first place. It was not just for him, but also for her development. She had to become what she was looking for before she would ever find it.'

I know this applies to both men and women. I'm sharing it because this has happened to me on a number of occasions and although I have been good at doing thihttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifs most of the time, I have not been 100%. I feel closure is important for both sides and the honorable thing.
You had recently shared a point on Facebook that ' no answer, is a 'no' answer'. This is true, but it takes a lot longer to figure it out and I feel more hurtful than speaking the truth in love.

How about you? Have you practiced the graceful act of providing closure to potential matches and those you've met or dated?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Why Aren't You Married Yet?

2011-12-08T06:38:00.004-06:00

We know this is a question that singles are asked frequently around the holidays, when they see friends and family they haven't seen in a while. While this is a painful question to hear, the authors of He Said-She Said have each come up with graceful replies. Please read their article and consider taking their approach next time you are asked the dreaded question.

Why Aren’t You Married Yet?
Cliff Young & Laura MacCorkle

QUESTION: What’s the appropriate (and Christ-like) response to people who are always asking “Why aren’t you married yet?” or “When are you getting married?”

HE SAID: Most every single over the age of twenty-five has probably faced these questions. If not directly, they were posed behind their backs, and the older we get, the more these questions seem to be raised.

I have a friend who I don’t see very often, but when I do his first comment to me is always “When are you getting married? You aren’t getting any younger!” Despite my carnal desire to react with some quip or snide remark, I usually take a breath and refrain.

What I have found to be more crucial than coming up with an “appropriate response” is making sure I am living my life in relation to God’s desires, not my own. Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:1, “I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.”

Although I have longed for a wife and family over the past couple of decades of singleness, I can honestly look back and feel blessed at the way my life has turned out and thankful for all of the incredible opportunities I have had and the amazing friends I have made along the way.

Even more important, I can see how God’s hand in my life has orchestrated my successes and allowed for my failures in order to get me to the point where I believe he wants me today. As a result, I am at peace about my situation and worry less about “marriage” and more about living a life worthy of the calling I have received, as well as pleasing him.

I find it interesting most Christians probably believe in God’s perfect timing when it pertains to their own life, however, when it refers to others, we (me included) often “think” we know what’s better for theirs.

My response the next time I am posed these questions will be, “I’m getting married when I complete everything God wants for me to as a single.”

SHE SAID: This can be a hard question to hear and to answer. But a verse that immediately comes to mind when thinking it through is Colossians 3:17:

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

So even though the questions of “Why aren’t you married yet?” or “When are you getting married?” might seem invasive, intrusive or rude (and if you’re single and have heard these questions a lot, they most likely do seem to feel like that sometimes), that does not necessitate an unkind response or poor Christian witness.

Responding “in the name of the Lord Jesus” means treating the person who has asked you this question in a way that will glorify the Father. Now, that’s easier said than done. I know, because I have sin nature as well, and my flesh doesn’t want to give a kind response when I am asked these questions. Those who are not single may not understand how personal this topic is or how it makes a single feel when being asked these questions. In a single’s mind, he or she can take this kind of questioning to a further degree of “What’s wrong with me?” As in, “Is this person implying that something is wrong with me because I am not married . . . yet?”

I don’t know about you, but I’ve often had this kind of internal dialogue with myself when someone has asked me about my marital status. At first, I used to get angry about it. But as I’ve grown older, I realize that for most people this questioning is coming from a good place and with good intentions in their hearts.

Generally speaking, they aren’t ridiculing, they aren’t trying to make us feel bad and they aren’t saying there is something wrong with us. They love us, they care about us and they truly want to try and understand why God hasn’t already brought us our mates.

So these days, when I am faced with the questions you have asked about, I just assume the best and that they are being asked in kindness and in love. That helps me to release whatever anger or bitterness may try to bubble up inside of me and build a barrier between us. So I choose to make it a “non-event” as I smile and answer like this:

I don’t know, and I don’t understand all of God’s ways or his timing in my life. But I do know that I want what God wants for me. And if that includes marriage one day, then that will be great!

With an answer like that, I am still being truthful but also (hopefully) pleasing God as “the aroma of Christ” (2 Cor. 2:15) while in the presence of others.

Have a great day!
~ Linda
Cache' Connections

CC Events: No Couples Allowed. And that's a good thing.

2011-12-07T06:28:00.004-06:00

We received an email from one of our friends/fans/former members in Chicagoland. She wrote, in part:

I just went to a singles event at Willow Creek. There were a TON of people there - it was a service project then a Christmas party. There were many people there that I recognized from Cache Connections events; that was cool to see! I always meet some wonderful godly sisters at these things and have fun at the same time - it's a good thing for me to do. I tell everyone about Cache Connections and your live events; some have heard of you and some haven't. Everyone agrees that the live events are the BEST...in many different ways. They give everyone a chance to have a social life and singles a place to go without couples being there. If a "match" is made, that's good too, but the events serve a much-needed purpose in getting all of us singles "out there" for a fun and interesting time! God bless you and Kim for hosting/organizing these evenings!!

It kinda struck me that I didn't realize singles felt so strongly the importance of attending events where there are no couples. Huh. That explains why we got so many complaints the year we decided to include married couples to a New Year's Eve event. Do singles feel doubly single around couples? Assuming that is at least true in part, imagine how they feel every time they go to church. If they dare.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

New Happy Couple: Beth and Isaac!

2011-12-04T19:23:00.005-06:00

This connection has been brewing for about seven months now, so we are happy that Beth and Isaac are willing to share their connection story with friends of Cache' Connections.

You can read all of Beth and Isaac's input HERE. I'll print part of it here, because I want to bring out a few points at the bottom of this blog post.

Beth: In the fall of 2010 I (Beth) started a job in a new office where several Christians worked and some of those new friends began to set me up on dates. None of them worked out but one of the friends told me about Cache Connections (she knew a couple of girls who had had great success on CC) so I decided to give it a try.

I had been on Cache Connections for about 2 months. I had met some really great guys but no mutual desire to continue any of those relationships resulted.

At that point I decided to go back through all my contacts and take another look making sure I had not overlooked someone that would be interesting to meet.

That is when I found Isaac's profile. His pictures were not the best quality but I could tell he was a good looking guy. I joked with Linda about taking my camera on the first date so that I could help him get some decent photos up on the site (good thing that never happened! It was obvious his faith was sincere and that his values were very similar to mine.

I sent Isaac a short email to say hello and within 24 hrs he responded. During that week he let me know that he was praying for me and sent me a scripture (it was one of my favorites). We exchanged our conversion stories right away and before long Isaac suggested a coffee date.

The day we met we sat and talked for about 3 hours and were very upfront with each other. That is one of the things I really appreciated about Isaac and still do - no beating around the bush. It was obvious he was looking for a relationship that would lead to marriage and I was impressed that he had a vision for having not just a good marriage but a great one. Isaac and I talked about our families and how important they were to us. The way he spoke about his mom, dad and siblings was so endearing ...

Isaac: First, I am very grateful to God for your faithful ministry of prayer for single Christians who seek the Lord's will for their lives including a spouse who would love the Lord. Also, your priceless assistance to us in different and creative ways to connect singles in a very safe, fun, and friendly environment. May the Lord richly bless you and your ministry.

About eight months ago I was talking with one of my friends who happened to be one of Cache Connections' members and he explained this valuable website to me. I was not comfortable trying to find my future spouse on dating websites whose members were not believers, but there was something drastically different with Cache Connection. They had a faith statement that was Biblically sound and immediately I felt peace in my heart even though I still had doubts about being able to find what I wanted in a future wife online.

Ten Things I Love About This Love Story:

1. They met online.
2. Both heard about CC through friends.
3. Beth re-searched through her Not Interested tab to give those profiles more consideration.
4. Both are interested in a relationship leading to marriage.
5. Beth was open-minded about the different cultures.
6. Both have thankful hearts.
7. "May the Lord richly bless you and your ministry." What's not to love about that?
8. Beth sent the first message.
9. Both are in their mid-forties and never married.
10. They are so darn cute together!!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

We share some of your frustrations.

2011-12-02T07:20:00.008-06:00

In many ways, I believe that God is working on Kim and me through Cache' Connections. (Doesn't he always? Rom 8:28) It's no secret that this is not a get-rich-quick business success story. Although we entered into this business with big plans for an investor to help us with marketing so that we could compete with other dating sites, God, in his infinite wisdom, had other things in mind for us. He's more into the crawl, walk, run, "grow Kim and Linda" business plan. So year after year, we plow through the daily tasks, continue to brainstorm ideas and work to make Cache' Connections the place to be for Christian singles. So, we are waiting, hoping and doing what we can - just like you.

Another way we can identify and empathize with our single friends is in the all-too-common complaint of unanswered messages. We make a lot of phone calls. I mean a lot. And we send a lot of messages ... to churches and to singles. Whether it's inviting members to an event, asking them about a potential arranged date, or asking a church leader to consider hosting or promoting a Christian Dating Redefined group, we are putting ourselves out there. Much like we ask you to do - put yourself out there - in the way of sending messages, uploading your primary photos, and taking advantage of the other tools and articles available to you at Cache' Connections.

It comes as a surprise to our single friends when we tell them that many churches are hesitant to partner with Cache' Connections and they don't return our phone calls. Many singles see CC as a much-needed oasis, a long-awaited for advocate for Christian singles who deeply desire to be married to another believer. And thankfully some churches see us that way too: "Finally, someone to help us minister to singles!" Others, however, see red flags. There's a variety in the shades of red, but sometimes it seems that by and large, the Church is just not that interested in dealing with singles. It's not their focus. But that's probably another blog.

So if you are frustrated that you send messages that don't get returned, know that we are frustrated too. If you began talking with someone and they suddenly got lost in cyber-space, we've been left hanging by the best of them, too. We all need to pray for wisdom and discretion and grace in dealing with people. While Jesus was clear in his directive to "do unto others as we would have them do unto us," we at Cache' Connections often feel "under-done," so to speak. We need to decide in our hearts how many times to approach the plate, and when to put the bat down and wait for the next inning. And then we need to commit those who have not responded to us to the Lord to deal with.

While it's easy to complain about what others are not doing to satisfy us, we also need to focus on what we are doing. At Cache' Connections, we strive to answer all emails and phone messages. If we all do our best to follow God's word in this life, what a wonderful world it would be :)

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

"I'd rather be pursued."

2011-12-01T07:44:00.004-06:00

The topic of who is to be the pursuer is one we could probably write about weekly and (almost) never wear it out. We constantly hear from female members that complain, "No one has written to me. If they were interested, they would write. I want to be pursued." Heck, who doesn't?

Maybe out of boredom or a desire to stir things up, I posted the following status on my Facebook wall the other night: So many women say they prefer to "lie in wait" of a man to pursue, rather than send the first message online. While that sounds nice on "paper," it frustrates me as a matchmaker. For whatever reason, it seems that men don't send that many first messages. Someone has to make the first move in order for there to be a match. Unless, of course, they want to pay more money for Cache' Connections to do it personally ... :) Or maybe they don't really want a match? Hmm. Thoughts?

Oh yes, there were thoughts. Mostly from women - no surprise. Here are some of the comments:

Dee Dee: I hear what your saying Linda and your right. So, now I do make the first move on Cache' and send out the first note. Out of the many (I think 6) only 3 gentlemen responded. I get it now, its tough for both men and women. How do we find that happy middle ground where we can all meet and chat. That's where I am working towards as a single! :O

Valerie: I disagree with Linda. If a man is really interested in a woman he will pursue her. If she pursues him, he may just spend time with her until the woman he really wants comes along. I think this whole role reversal thing that is going on in society is not good. Men are supposed to be the leaders in the family, Biblically. Men are meant to be the initiators and leaders. (Lots of "likes" on this one, all female.)

Enza: You're right Valerie...that's what men are supposed to be....but this generation of men has lost their image and lack manhood (sorry guys!)....that's why woman as myself have a hard time finding quality men,because if I have a leader personality and am a decision maker, he needs to be above me in leadership and decision-making! Lack of pursuit from men is only a STRONG indication of men's WEAKNESS! At the same time, it doesn't matter who's initiating the communication...that's ALL that is! It's not a marriage proposal! LOL! I still don't understand why so many "rules" and why christian woman continue to be so inhibited!

Linda: I understand Valerie. This actually goes pretty deep with the societal issues. It's just that for now, it kinda seems that both genders have dug their heals in or are hiding and thus we have the Singlehood Phenomenon. #frustratedandi'mnotsingle

Linda to Enza: there ya go. nuttin in the Bible that says a woman can't say hello. think: Ruth.

Annah: The game does not stand still for the hunter. She should give a glimpse and wait to be pursued. A woman of God is close to her father on the apple tree and takes effort to reach ,because she is not low hanging fruit! Real leaders in men are so hard to find for a woman who has become the leader in her own life. Submitting to the right leader when pursued will be easy because he has submitted to God. Men need to be men for a woman who is a woman!

Valerie: I have been told several times that a Godly woman can be found by a man who is seeking and serving God. I think when women jump ahead of God and pursue a man that they are not waiting for God's best. I realize this means I may not have a date for a long time, but I trust Jesus that He will put a man of God in my life at the right time and the right place..... all in God's timing.

Sharon: People are afraid to make mistakes.. get the wrong person.. but those who take the first step often find thats all they need.. how many of us watch programes on TV that show people facing their fears.. and coming out winners even if they don't get the prize at the end..

Lisa: But I'm not waiting on someone to make the first move I'm waiting on God.

Michele: I'm sorry but anytime I have made the first move, I NEVER get a response. I think that men sort of view it as being needy or desperate. I also think God created man to be the hunter (or pursuer, if you will) and most women need/want to be pursued (not stalked, lol). We want to be found/chosen. It reminds me of our relationship with Christ. The Bible says we love Him because He first loved us. It also equates the mans role to that of Christ and the woman's role to that of the church. If our men pursued and loved us the way Christ loved the church, I think it would be a foundation and bond not easily broken.

Annah: Lisa remember God always gives us a choice! We should wait on him but sometimes he wants is to make a choice. Don't be afraid to meet new people and make the first step as friends. Then it's up to him to pursue!!! This dating and waiting stuff will be worth it!!

Sharon: I wonder though Lisa if GOD does bring people into our lives sometimes and we are supposed to do something?? I mean do a little pursuing.. its hard.. I keep thinking back to when Abraham sent out his servant to find his son a wife.. lol.. I know yes thats rather a loooonng way back.. I just listen to peoples stories how they meet and its all types.. forward females.. to persistant males.. internet.. even a woman who used to sleep as a homeless person in the door way of someones store.. and he got to know her and they fell in love.. aww.. beautiful..

Cheryl: I think that proof of desire is in pursuit. This holds true in many areas of life but especially in relationships. I believe if a man does not pursue a woman, there's usually a reason. If they are on cache connections, my guess is that most men (maybe not all) are pursuing the women or woman they are most interested in.

Lisa: I must admit Cheryl is right! Of course I have first hand experience in this area. ( : If a guy is interested, he will blow up your phone, knock down your door, beg, plead and simply not take a NO...If he is into you. When a guy dawdles, shows low interest, does not call...or makes the woman do the work..She needs to run, cuz he is lazy! Lol

Tom: If a man is not willing to make the first move, a woman should not want him. A woman should not make the first move in order to guard her heart.

Sara: Speaking as someone who has pursued men, I refuse to do it again. It's very painful. And it makes me look like a stalker =) Call me old fashioned, but I want to be "courted". Not the other way around.

Les: A guy should be the pursuer but it IS nice if a gal gives us a little sign!

Lisa: I don't think it really matters who chases who as long as God's in it!! Otherwise it's futile.

Linda: A couple things to keep in mind are: With online dating, this is a 1-dimension atmosphere. You don't have the advantages of meeting in person such as eye contact, fairmones, a friend to break the ice, and other nuances. What that leaves us with is a photo and some words on a screen. Many men will judge mostly by the photo, and they have a specific type in their mind, whether it's right or wrong. We've seen so many couples pass each other up online, only to meet at an event and learn there is in fact an attraction. So I suggest that we take full advantage of online dating and send a dang message. What can it hurt? If you saw a man at church or in a restaurant, would you keep your nose down and body language closed? Or would you poke your girlfriend, nod and giggle a little bit and drop a hankie, lol? Men think they know what they want, but sometimes they need our help (Gen 2:18)

Lisa: Linda, I fully understand this subject and empathize with the others. What I have come to understand about meeting eligible mates, is that you have to put your self out their. God is a God of action, not sitting back n waiting for something to happen. When we do our part God can assist. I also pray that I meet men who are equal to me, similar interest, taste, physical qualities n spiritual. This has proven to be very helpful. But, I have had to put myself out there and that includes dating sites.

Lisa: sometimes we are called to wait, sorry but I know this to be true! it doesn't mean we're sitting back and doing nothing, it is ACTIVELY waiting!

Since this is our blog, we get to have the last word. I just want to clarify that Cache' Connections does not necessarily take the stance that women should be the pursuers in a relationship. There's a difference between saying hello and being a pursuer.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

To Look for or Be the Right Person

2011-11-30T07:45:00.004-06:00

I happened across a blog posted at LoveandRespectNOW.com, written by Joy Eggerichs, daughter of Dr. and Mrs. Emerson Eggerichs, who are most well-known for their "Love and Respect" titles. Joy is a 20-something single who is working for her parents, researching the 20-35 year old segment of society in the hopes of preventing people from saying, "If only I knew then, what I know now."

In this post, Joy speaks on three things she has learned by being single. Her second point caught my attention: "Focus on who you are becoming and learn to give some grace." She wrote, "So often we are “looking” for the right person and yet my father always reminds me that it’s more important that I “be” the right person. I don’t think he means striving for perfection as much as he means a shift in focus." She refers to the infamous "list" of what you want in a person, but suggests that, as her father admonishes her, to focus on the person we are becoming. Are you a grace giver, encourager, higher-level faith walker? Do you honor God, your neighbor, your body? If not, Joy suggests that it is a bit hypocritical to expect someone else to fulfill our checklist.

What have you learned by being single? What is your focus?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

CDR Kick-off Events: Win It In a Minute

2011-11-29T07:45:00.004-06:00

The Christian Dating Redefined area-wide singles groups in Peoria, Springfield, Rockford and Indianapolis (so far) will launch with the Cache' Connections version of the popular TV show called "Minute to Win It."

If you are not familiar with the NBC TV series, it is a game show that has started a "game revolution," where everyday people are challenged to perform "deceptively difficult games" to vie for a million dollars. Spin-offs of the games are being held at parties, booths, and homes across the country.

Our version will be much like the TV show, including an emcee, video tutorials of the game challenges, a 60-second clock and a few select contestants. Everything, you might say, but the million bucks :)

So whether you come out to be a part of the audience, cheering on one of three teams to victory, or if you apply to be a contestant and brave the challenges on stage, you are sure to have a good time at these kick-off events. As always, there will be plenty of opportunities for you to mix and mingle with other guests after the show. You can check out more information on these and other upcoming events by clicking here. Be sure to let us know if you are interested in being a contestant or a volunteer! We will see you there.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Cyber Monday Special

2011-11-28T07:38:00.003-06:00

Today, take advantage of the "Cyber Monday" sale at Cache' Connections, which is $100 off of an entire year! One year is regularly $149.95, but today you pay just $49.95 when you use promotional code: CYBER100.

There are many new members at Cache' Connections, and the message boards are lighting up! Place your stake in the ground and commit to being a part of this growing community of like-minded believers who understand the importance of honoring God in their dating relationships.

New members are reminded to upload their primary photos (one headshot and one bodyshot - just you - taken against a plain indoor wall or door), sort through their Pending tab and send some messages to anyone you might be slightly interested in getting to know. All members are asked to respond to their messages in the spirit of Matthew 7:12: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Feel free to contact us if you have any questions. Have a great week!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Don't make us beg you to return messages :/

2011-11-22T06:44:00.004-06:00

Okay. We are begging. We've been receiving a lot of "fan mail" from members who love the Cache' Connections website, but are disappointed that other members are not replying to the messages they've sent.

Unanswered emails is a common complaint with online dating - across the board. But at Cache' Connections, we strive to be uncommon, and in many ways we feel like we are a cut above the rest. Our members and fans realize that we strive to operate the website with godly integrity, and we treat our members with compassion and respect. I think there is a natural tendency, therefore, that members have higher expectations of each other.

At Cache' Connections, we encourage all members to respond to all messages, even if it is to politely say that you don't feel this would be a good connection. I know it can feel like you are being mean or negative, but trust us, the person wants to know where they stand. Part of intentional dating, healthy boundaries and all of that is to just simply "Let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one." (Matt 5:37)

Members need to keep in mind that it is quite possible that the account of the message recipient may have recently expired, and so the member of interest cannot respond without renewing their membership. There are several other possible reasons for the silence, such as lack of access to a computer, lack of computer/typing skills, exploring another connection, and so on.

To some extent, online dating is a numbers game. So get your numbers up and increase your chances. Send a second message after about one week; also review your "Not Interested" folder and re-consider those you initially discarded. Why, just this morning we received an inquiry from a member, asking for information on a lady whose profile he admired in the Single Spotlight. I kindly told him that he could find out all kinds of information by reading her profile in his "Not Interested" tab :)

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

With Others

2011-11-21T09:14:00.003-06:00

Today's blog post is taken from the weekly fast.pray blog, where singles and those who care for them fast and pray at lunchtime on Mondays for singles desiring marriage. To join this prayer group, click here. Today one of the founders, Connally, is writing about Paul's example of living with a community setting.

When I first moved to DC, my head spun at how quickly people moved in and then away. I'd make a friend, and s/he'd move--to another part of the city, to another church, to another town all together. I quickly realized why people who had been here a few years often operated with their guard up--it's hard to stay open to new attachments when bonds keep getting broken. And yet, I've always known I long for & thrive in community.

Community, though, is neither simply my longing nor the ache of our generation (though a report from Duke University on "Friendship in America" said that 25% of Americans have ZERO close friends with whom they can talk personally). It is an idea woven throughout the Scriptures. It shows up in the Trinity, and it's in Genesis as God's provision for loneliness But I want to look briefly at the Apostle Paul, a guy I always thought was like an independent John Wayne in a toga. As it turns out, he's not.

1) Have you ever looked closely in Acts at the first thing Paul did after he believed? He is led by another (Acts 9:8). This powerful man found himself vulnerable and needy. I have a couple of older mentors whose active leading I've sought, but I'm also learning to invite the friends around me who know more than I do (be it about cooking, working with kids with disabilities, running a meeting, relating to men, connecting with God, doing conflict resolution, etc.) to teach me. Something about allowing ourselves to need and receive from others actually embeds us more deeply into community. You might ask yourself, "Who in my current community am I allowing to lead me?"

2) The next thing Paul did? He experienced healing in the context of relationship (with Ananias in Acts 9:17ff). It's no shame to be broken, wounded, or even to have recurring sin issues. But they way forward is with others. I've repeatedly asked my housemates & other friends to pray with me about my aches, my weaknesses & my loneliness, even as I've confessed sin and asked for forgiveness. And it is so freeing. As well, when needed, I've sought professional counseling and spiritual direction. Nobody gets through life unscathed or sinless, and finding others with whom we can give/receive the gift of healing i s worth the work. Who are your truly 'safe' people? If you could use a few more, ask God to open doors for friends or 'for such a time as this' outsiders. Healing is crucial for (and a deep joy of) community.

3) And after that? Paul simply spent time being with these new friends (Acts 9:19). Since I was a child, I have believed that I am meant for marriage.

To read the rest of the blog, click here.

Blessings,
Linda
Cache' Connections

I Will Wait For You

2011-11-19T13:01:00.000-06:00

TOTALLY FREE UNTIL THE END OF YEAR

2011-11-18T07:58:00.002-06:00

We're kicking off the holidays at Cache' Connections by inviting all new and former members to join for FREE (no strings attached) through December 31st! Be sure to spread this good news to all of your single friends in the North, South, East and West! The sooner you join, the more free time you enjoy.

So help us grow the website membership ... sign up! It's easy. New members can simply click "Join Now" from the home page at cacheconnections.com and go through the sign-up pages. When you get to the billing page, log out and reply to this email, requesting free membership. We will then open your account until the end of the year.

Those who have already established a username and password can let us know they are still interested in meeting other like-minded Christian singles by replying to this email with their request for free membership.

We have some exciting things coming up in the New Year, including opening up some new areas with new church partnerships. Stay tuned!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

How do you wait?

2011-11-16T11:09:00.002-06:00

I posted a random question on Facebook one day last week. It simply read, "Someone tell me please how to wait on God. What do you do while waiting?" I really like some of these answers. Since singles do their fair share of waiting, we thought you could gain some wisdom for yourselves:

Tracy: Pray.

Lisa: Something else that He has right in front of you to do, even if it's mundane. Or go take a run and wear yourself out!

Christa: Rest...

Alerice: via Dr. Samantha Phillips: 'Waiting on God' is not supposed to be a passive stance. When you truly believe, you take DAILY deliberate action towards your breakthrough! Never use faith as a mask for laziness! There is no such thing as doing nothing & being in faith for a breakthrough. Take at least one step each day towards your dream! 1 phone call, follow up, etc. but whatever you do, don't let this day pass without forward movement. It's a CHOICE not something that happens to you! What will YOU do today in faith for your dream??

Christa: Hbr 4:10 For he who has entered His rest has himself also ceased from his works as God [did] from His.

Sandra: Whenever we're 'waiting' we are-looking or expecting-so i do all the same things i always do, but with the expectation that i will see the Lord move or answer in some way.

Dick: Remember time is "meaningless" to God. So while we "wait" on Him, we should revel in His glory, praise Him continually, pray unceasingly. He will answer "by and by".

Keith: Psalm 37:34 which says "Wait on the Lord..." is also translated, in the New Living Translation like this: "Put your hope in the LORD". So as we wait, we're supposed to actually wait. To trust in HIM to accomplish what we're seeking for and praying for, and not seek, in our own strength and means, to carry it out. So often, we miss God's plan because we FAIL to wait on the Lord. Although this is often seen as passive by many of our brethren, let me hasten to add, it is never passive to agressively WAIT! It is very difficult to do. PATIENCE is a virture not well learned by many.

Cari: Pray and Pray and EAT! :) Oh and uh exercise and sing the John Waller Song ~ While I'm waiting.... ALOT!! :)

Rick: While you wait you keep on with the business of His kingdom.

Lisa: In Mary Kay they tell us to "work while you wonder". I think we often wait on God to see what He has in store for us, but in my experience I have discovered His blessings by actively seeking them, not sitting around waiting for things to happen.

Cathy: Just trust the Lord while...going back to college, work out to get in the best shape of your life, enjoy being single and... freezing your eggs (which is what I'll probably do). Understand that God made Eve for a reason, lol!

Shirley: When I put something in God's hands I then go about my daily business. When my question or my request gets answered, I know it. I wait (in that I don't try to MAKE something happen) but I'm going about my daily business while I'm waiting.

Carol: You do what you would do if you were a "waitress"....serve Him the best you can!!!!!

Dawn: You continue to PRAY...and have faith that God's gonna do what needs to be done....

Nancy: Do what you can do , God will do what you can't !

Carrol: God is waiting on us. From what I see you post, you seem to be a go getter. Sometimes God wants to teach us go getters, that waiting for Him is obedience even though for us waiting seems to be a waste. I'm an overachiever and God has used waiting as a way to wait on Him and his timing. He knows what He has in store for us. We don't.

Debby: I try to remember His faithfulness in the past; that keeps me going for quite awhile!

Tom: Hey Linda, you keep praying, trusting and believing. Stand on the promises of the Word of God. Hope that helps :)

Guys as Friends. Really.

2011-11-15T08:29:00.003-06:00

Today's post is taken from the fast.pray blog that is issued every Monday to a group of (mostly) singles who are praying and fasting for singles desiring marriage. CLICK HERE to join this prayer group who believes in the power of prayer to affect the singlehood phenomenon!

Just a reminder: we’re fasting and praying for marriages for those who want to be married, for courage for men to walk upright and into relationship, and for courage for us to be able to change where we need to change.

Last week was avoiding codependency in female friendships and this week is healthy friendships with guys. Knowing my mixed results on this front, I decided to get some more opinions with a survey. Granted, this survey has an extremely unrepresentative sample (ie: my three brothers), but here are some of the themes from our conversations.

* It's complicated. Examples of healthy platonic friendships between single guys and girls are few. One party usually ends up with hurt feelings and often the friendship is lost along the way. Don't assume that any particular friendship is free from that reality.
* Let go of your expectations. The survey sample agreed that girls tend to make assumptions and then go to extremes: either being angry/upset/surprised that he doesn't ask her out, or being angry/upset/surprised when he does ask her out. Although there is often plenty of fault to go around, it's a helpful reminder that true friendships are not agenda-driven. When we don't have an end goal, we are free to relax, trust God, and let things unfold as they will.
* Don't keep score. Often women divide and rank themselves based on who, in reality or perception, gets to hang out with the guys and who doesn't. Don't let that kind of silliness interfere with your friendships with guys or girls. Treat girl friends as sisters, not your competition. And treat guy friends as brothers, not a means to an end.
* Keep doors open for everyone in your life. Instead of focusing on befriending guys with "potential," keep your eyes open to the variety of folks God is putting in your path in this season of life. Invest in and befriend and encourage with an eye toward God's goodness and grace toward us.

Lastly, I am trying (half inspired by 1 Timothy 5:1) to build a habit of encouraging all the guys in my life, regardless of relationship status. The other half of the inspiration was, of all things, online dating profiles. I know this sounds ridiculous, but at one point I realized how encouraged I was by what some guys were writing about their hearts and lives. So I decided to start telling them that, regardless of immediate attraction level and with no expectations. After several good conversations, I decided maybe I should do the same thing in everyday life and not just with my single guy friends. The results have been uniformly positive!

So whether that's dad, brothers, friends, coworkers, friends' boyfriends/husbands, or even awkward first dates, I want to be an encouragement. Obviously that looks different in those relational contexts and I have much left to learn (probably the subject of another survey!), but I want to be a source of support, not destruction in any friendship.

As we fast tomorrow, let's make a particular point to pray for our brothers, biological or spiritual.

In His Grace,

Amy

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Your Pet Peeves Pertaining to Online Dating

2011-11-09T07:02:00.003-06:00

Here are the results of a recent Facebook poll, asking "what are your online dating pet peeves?"

Stacey: I like it when the guys take time to get to know a woman. Some men seem like they are on a time table and need to seal the deal quick. These men say to me by that speed that they aren't interested in ME, they are just interested in being in a relationship.

Mario: When you state "locals only" and you get request from Manila LOL. Pictures from high school or tiny pictures you cannot see, blurry dark pictures or no pictures. Idealism.... The killer of any relationship.

Lee: When I find a gorgeous, beautiful girl's profile with a very general, non-specific description. Then when you message them, they immediately want you to switch over to email without getting to know each other. It's usually a Russian-scam/con-artist or similar scum. Use the golden discerning rule: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

Doug: Ladies whose profiles basically say "if your not ready to marry me next week don't contact me . Nobody wants to date anymore they think online dating is like ordering a book on the internet.

Jeff: When I used a popular internet dating site, I went through about 750 different matches over a period of about 5 years. My biggest pet peeve were the women who were on the site but obviously not ready to make a commitment (at least not to me) yet they were engaged on this site. Dating is hard work. So a lot of these women thought that a magic genie in a bottle would jump out and show them what to do instead of them doing the substantial work. And then the pendulum would swing the other way and they would want to get married next week. So go figure??

Cari: Men that don't say hardly anything about themselves on their profiles and have blurry far away pictures or thee ole' shirt off in the bathroom mirror taken by themselves with their phone. You are marketing yourself doesn't sound the greatest but that's what it is.

Les: You're on a "Christian" dating site and the only pictures you have of yourself are in a bar holding a bottle of beer?

Dee Dee: You're on a Christian dating site and the profile summary speaks nothing of your relationship with God. Annoying much!!

Lisa: Men who think you owe them a date just because you responded to their message. I politely responded to one that I wasn't interested in him but wished him the best, and he told me I should take my profile off if I wasn't interested.

Cari: Haha Lisa That's funny! I had a guy list all of his "Christian" credentials including where he went to college and his kids being saved etc...I still didn't want to go out with him he was too far away among other things like a temper : /....he got so upset and kept writing horrible things and I had to block him...

Michelle: Some just cannot take no for an answer!

Les: Or how about the time you saw a profile and thought "wow" and spent some time writing this person putting some thought into it only to never get a reply!

Heather: When you send an email and they send you an email that tells you absolutely nothing about themselves.

Do you see yourself in any of these scenes? At Cache' Connections, we encourage all members to respectfully respond to all messages and treat one another as you would prefer to be treated (Matt 7:12.)

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

The Cache' Connections Matching System

2011-11-07T11:01:00.003-06:00

Here's another script for our video blog that will be shown at the upcoming Christian Dating Redefined area-wide singles meetings.

One of the basic questions we get frequently is, how does your matching system work? Well, to be honest, we started out working with Drs. Tom and Beverly Rodgers, who are relationship experts, speakers, and authors who have been featured on Focus on the Family, and we were working on a compatibility matching system. We even got some mathematicians involved, but the further we got, the more frustrated we all became. We collectively decided that there is no true system or algorithm that can guarantee that two people will have a connection. Of course, what’s left out of all of the quantifiers is the all-important aspect of chemistry, you know, that special click that you just can’t name, measure or predict.

So the matching system at Cache’ Connections is simply based on the age and mileage range that you select upon signing up. You can select a 5, 10 or 15 year age span, and the mileage ranges are set at 60, 120, 200 or 350+ miles, which actually goes across the United States. From there, it’s up to you to decide, based upon your review of the profiles, if you want to connect with someone by sending them a message through the website.

Which leads me to tonight’s tip for you. We’ve talked to so many singles that are really insistent on meeting someone within just a few miles of where they live. Of course, everyone would prefer the convenience of dating someone from their own town or area. But we have to remember that Christian dating is NICHE dating. That means that the pool of possibilities is naturally smaller than worldly dating. As a committed Christian, you want to connect with someone who shares your faith – someone who can challenge you spiritually and walk together with you on your journey with Christ. As you know, you are seeking a very special person! So it only makes sense that you might need to expand your thinking about how far you might be willing to travel for a connection. Is it worth an hour’s drive? Maybe two or three hours? Some of our success couples have connected over 3 hours, and we have at least one marriage that connected from Atlanta to Detroit! Of course, long distance dating does have its challenges, and it’s certainly not for everyone. We just want you to be open to some possibilities that God might have for you. Remember, we serve a great big God, and with him, all things are possible!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

How Did Cache' Connections Get Started?

2011-11-05T07:46:00.005-05:00

This week we've been spending time putting together a kit for the upcoming "Christian Dating Redefined" groups. The kit will contain everything needed for a semester of meetings. One piece for the weekly meetings will be a video snippet of Cache' Connections giving a "video blog." So here is a script we drafted for one of our frequently asked questions. What do you think?

Have you heard of the book titled, "If you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the Boat" by John Ortberg? That’s one expression we use often at Cache’ Connections – get out of the boat. When Peter got out of the boat and walked toward Jesus, he actually took a huge risk, didn’t he? In fact, 2 Corinthians tells us we walk by faith, not by sight. Living by faith definitely involves a level of risk. In fact, in order to be successful in finding your future mate, you are going to have to take some risks. You’re going to possibly risk feeling embarrassed, being rejected, or having your heart broken. But when you find that special someone, it will all be worth it. So our encouragement to you today is to consider increasing your risk level. Maybe you just need to change your mindset to be more approachable, maybe you need to approach someone, maybe you need to ask that guy or girl exactly where that special friendship is heading?

A lot of people ask how we got started at Cache’ Connections. Well, WE got out of the boat in 2007. Until that time, I had a full time job as a real estate closing agent, and Kim was a realtor and general contractor in new construction. Both of us have been married for several years and we each have two grown children. Kim and I had been acquaintances because we lived in the same town and worked in the real estate field, but we actually reconnected when we both ended up at Northwoods Community Church in Peoria, IL. We found ourselves at a Sat. morning workshop there on building relationships, as God would have it, and that’s where our friendship started. Shortly after that, we went on a shopping trip when Kim and I were talking about our work. Then kind of suddenly, Kim interrupted herself and said, "I don’t want to talk about real estate. Do you want to know what I’ve always wanted to do? I’ve always wanted to be a matchmaker!" And to this day, I remember that “thud” I felt inside when she said that, which I know was the prompting of the Holy Spirit, that was saying, "you need to do this!"

So that very day we started talking about what that would look like, it is feasible, is there a market, would the people come? That was December 31, 2006, and six short weeks later, Cache’ Connections launched on Valentine’s Day 2007. We started out on the local, more personalized level, but we soon found that was too expensive for members and too time-consuming for us. So the website you now see was launched in May 2009. Since then, we’ve seen several marriages and committed relationships formed through not only the website, but people meeting at events – or both; and we’ve heard from a lot of singles that our advice through the blogs, emails, expert articles and chats have helped them identify some issues that have been holding them back. So God has been a part of Cache’ Connections since, well, before Day 1.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for?

2011-11-02T06:21:00.009-05:00

This was the big question posed by Pastor Andy Stanley, Senior Pastor of North Point Community Church in Atlanta, Georgia in a message to singles. We've selected Andy's DVD titled, "The New Rules of Love, Sex & Dating" as part of the teaching material for the upcoming Christian Dating Redefined program. This week we reviewed the material and were quite impressed with Andy's insights, fresh, energetic delivery and heart for Christian singles.

In one of the chapters, Andy tells the story of a young woman who told her mother that she recently met the "dreamiest" guy. She told her mother about all the wonderful attributes he possessed - all of the characteristics of the man she wants to marry someday. After her daughter finished her enumeration of his winning qualities, the mother tenderly told her, "Honey, that kind of guy isn't looking for a girl like you." The young woman was crushed and immediately recognized the truth of the hurtful statement and fell into a heap of tears.

This is a true but sad story, for sure. But it is also true and sad for many singles. We've found that oftentimes singles spend most of their lives dreaming of their perfect mate. Come on - admit it. Since the time we played house at the tender ages of 5 or 6, we've been forming an image of our imaginary spouse in our minds. While we realize that no one is perfect, we carry an invisible list around of what our perfect mate looks like: he loves the Lord, adores children and animals and frequently helps little old ladies cross the street; he rises up each morning, makes the coffee, wakes me up and calls me "blessed" and teaches our children to do the same; he makes well over $100K in the ministry, where he is well-respected, lives above reproach and is genuinely liked by others. His sense of humor is unmatched. Although he's the best-looking man in town with sparkly blue eyes, a full head of dark, wavy hair and a 6'2" stature, he only has eyes for me. He gives generously to the church, regularly travels on mission trips and is involved heavily in the community at large, always with an eye and a heart for those who need Jesus. Oh, and he often but randomly brings me little love gifts!

Who wouldn't love and want this man? The problem is, first of all, he doesn't exist. So if you want to continue dreaming, go for it. It is kind of fun, after all. The second problem may be, however, that this perfect man is looking for a perfect woman. I won't go into details, but you know what he is looking for in his mate. The question is, is that woman you? If it isn't, what could you be working on to become more attractive to such a man? Or, do you stick tight to your "must have" list, boxing yourself into such a corner that no man can fit the bill?

Of course, this article is written to the extreme, and we don't mean to pick on the women. We've seen many men set themselves up to be unmatchable in such a way. The point is that we want singles to be open to new ways of thinking - be open to whatever type of man or woman might have for you. Aside from that, we love to see singles take measures to become "that guy" or "that girl" that Mr./Ms. Wonderful is looking for: emotionally, physically, and relationally. It is often our prayer that Cache' Connections members take measures so they will be healthy daters. You see, as Andy Stanley makes clear in his DVD series, healthy marriages are made up of healthy individuals.

What have you done for your Dream Date lately?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

"Get married, make babies and do government."

2011-11-01T07:17:00.004-05:00

This is a quote from Dr. Hubert Morken, a professor at Regent University. I picked it up in Candice Watters' book titled, "Get Married - What Women Can Do to Help It Happen." She opens the book with a story of a day she was sitting in class learning about all the ways our country is slipping from its constitutional foundations. When Candice posed the question, "So what's the solution?" Dr. Morken's simple antidote was just this: "Get married, make babies, and do government! That's how we win."

Candice, not yet having the opportunity to marry, apparently was working on her Master's degree so that she could continue her work in Washington to defend the rights of traditional families. The single spitfire replied, "I want to be married. But that opportunity hasn't come my way. So I've devoted myself to working on behalf of families. I'm doing all this hard work so they can enjoy their cozy life in the suburbs," she said with not a little envy and bitterness.

Dr. Morken replied with a laugh, "Candice, do the math. The people who form families, who raise children and send them into the next generation, are the ones who will influence where our government and culture go in the future." Dr. Morken went on to explain that the creation mandate has never been rescinded. In fact, it's been part of our basic pitch at Cache' Connections: marriage is the backbone of our society and our government.

Dr. Morken's wife Mary, known as somewhat of a matchmaker herself, played a huge role as a mentor to Candice and to many other women, helping them see some practical and philosophical changes they need to make in order to become marriage minded and to attract a mate. This book is packed with practical, mindset-changing advice for those who desire to get married and helps clear away some of the scriptural misinterpretations concerning marriage. Follow Candice on her journey that took her from the state of singleness to a happy marriage to the guy who wouldn't commit.

We highly recommend that you get a copy for yourself - and one for your single friends, too! It's time that we get over our self-focus and get married, have babies, and do government, according to God's design.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Dating Well: Part II (Or ... Help! I'm not being asked out!)

2011-10-31T05:41:00.004-05:00

Today's blog comes from the fast.pray group that fasts and prays every Monday for singles desiring marriage.

We’re fasting and praying for marriages for those who want to be married, for courage for men to walk upright and into relationship, and for courage for women (us) to be able to change where we need to change.

After Heidi's fabulous practical post last week on dating, I received numerous comments from friends along the lines of "Well, that's great if someone is asking you out...but no one is asking me out!" So I wanted to add a few extra thoughts into the conversation about dating well. Some of them come out of my own experience (the good, the bad and the ugly) and some out of conversations with friends and mentors.

If no one is asking me out, I can still be doing things to date well.
Even if no one is pursuing me right now, I can still be implementing some of Heidi's advice. On one hand, I can practice living with an open, gracious heart instead of hiding behind emotional walls and negativity. On the other hand, I can steward my feminine ability to build relationships by being careful about where I invest that ability. And I can be looking to encourage the men in my life, even if they aren't dating prospects.

Don't ignore your heart.
Sometimes it's a close guy friend who spends more and more time with you but never actually asks you out. Sometimes it's a guy you know isn't a believer, but otherwise seems so perfect. In any case, it's easy to start rationalizing: "Well, it's just coffee." "It's just a phone call." "We just have good conversation." Obviously every situation is different and requires godly discernment and grace, but don't ignore your gut instincts and start trying to find short cuts. This is also where Heidi's advice to "have an audience" (in essence: be open with a few close friends about your dating life) comes in handy -- even if you're tempted to rationalize, trusted friends probably won't let you.

Live your life forward, no matter how many dates seem to be on the horizon.
Even when that girl has a date and you don't, you are not less loved or less valued or less beautiful or less worthy in your heavenly Father's eyes. Whenever my emotions are invested in my dating drama (or lack thereof), there is perpetual disappointment. My hope has to be grounded God's character and plans for me, not in my value as measured by number of dates. Sometimes I also reread a few articles that help reset my perspective: Single While Active, Seven Myths Single Women Believe, and Object of My Affection.

Then I do a heart check: "Are the things that I hope will characterize my married life characterizing my life right now? Am I giving my roommate or family the same level of grace, forgiveness, and sacrificial service I imagine I will give my future spouse? Am I valuing today as the precious gift it is and not waiting for "real life" to start when I get married? Am I glorifying God with the opportunities and gifts and skills I have right now, regardless of what the next chapter holds?" When I can answer those questions positively, the number of dates on my calendar is suddenly a much less vexing concern.

In His Grace,

Amy

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

He's glad we twisted his arm to join CC

2011-10-29T14:04:00.005-05:00

We just realized we haven't spotlighted Dave and Anne's wedding, which we attended this past July. This is the couple who got engaged on stage in May at our Cache' Connections Expo in Peoria in May 2011.

Dave is an acquaintance of Founder Kim's husband, Ed. When a Cache' Connections Live! event was coming up in Central Illinois in November 2010, Ed encouraged Dave to check it out. Dave was very reticent to attend, but he did. That night, Kim encouraged him to sign up for the website and again, he reluctantly agreed. Staying with the theme of "Reluctant Dave," Linda called him and talked him into attending a Cache' Coffee Connections event about three weeks later, stating that we needed him to even out the male/female ratios or we might need to cancel the event. Wouldn't you know that Dave met a cute gal named Anne, who was not a member but decided to attend the Cache' Connections event because her friend had found a successful relationship there. Dave gave her Anne card, but it took a little while for them to connect. In fact, they connected a few months later through Facebook because Anne never joined cacheconnections.com. Anne and Dave quickly fell in love. Linda ran into them at Northwoods Community Church one Spring Sunday and observed that they couldn't stop telling her about all the things they have in common, how each one had the qualities they'd been praying for, not to mention the way they kept looking into each others' eyes and holding hands.

Sometimes it takes a two- or three-pronged approach to finding the mate you desire. Why not throw your hat in the ring? Join the website in October and save 70% off of any subscription. (Promo code: OCT70.) Also, be on the lookout for a Christian Dating Redefined group coming to your area, or better yet, talk to your church leaders about hosting an area-wide singles ministry. We have found that churches respond better to their own flock.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

She's Interested and He's Not Pursuing

2011-10-27T06:26:00.003-05:00

This is a common issue ... All Too Common. Today's blog is a post from Crosswalk.com. A reader wrote that she is friends with a guy in her church, but is interested in seeing the relationship get more serious. Read the two varying opinions of the editors; it is interesting that "He" (Cliff Young) says to go for it and "She" (Laura MacCorkle) says to wait. Hmmm ... not sure we are getting anywhere, but some good food for thought. Read on:

QUESTION: I am single female, in my late 30s and never married. I am good friends with a single man from church, and we have spent quite a bit of time talking/texting/hanging out, but we are not in a dating relationship. I am interested in our friendship progressing to that level, but am not sure what the best God-honoring step should be. I have been given lots of conflicting advice from well-meaning friends and am so uncertain of the best choice. Should I . . .

a.) Wait for him to make the move? (There are plenty of verses on "Be still!)
b.) Bring it up (seems like I would be taking control, and yet clarity would be so freeing).
c.) Ask a male friend to approach the subject with him?

HE SAID: You raise questions that are probably on the minds of most single Christian women and plagues church singles groups throughout the world—“Is he interested in me and why doesn’t he ask me out?” and “What action ‘should’ I take?”

In a very broad blanket statement, there seems to be two general types of guys who are seeking to date—those who have the confidence to (immediately) ask a girl out without worrying what others may think, sometimes distinguished and somewhat unjustly characterized as a “player,” and those who take a more thoughtful approach of becoming “friends” first, who doesn’t express his true feelings or intentions (right away) for fear of jeopardizing the friendship or impacting those around them.

I understand this is an oversimplification resulting in two extremes; however, it may help to give you some perspective on your situation.

You have narrowed your options down to three alternatives.

Wait—There are a lot of verses on “be still.” However, they don’t say, “Be still and do nothing.” Many speak of being still and knowing or trusting God is who he says he is.

Bring it up—This is often avoided because of choice ‘A’ or not wanting to make the first move.

Ask a friend—This works when you’re in grade school and don’t really know him, but you’re friends, hang out together and communicate already.

I choose “B”—ask the guy. You don’t have to make it an all serious “We NEED to talk” type overture, but you can approach it from a lighter side like, “What is ‘this’ between us . . . are we going somewhere with it or ‘just friends’?”

If the relationship is going to develop, there will be times you will need to share what you’re thinking or take the lead on certain issues. I can’t imagine a marriage where a wife will just wait around for the husband to bring up every topic that’s on her mind. I don’t know for sure, but I’m just saying.

For the guys out there, let’s do our Christian sisters a favor, if you are interested in them, let them know, don’t play games with their feelings. If they don’t reciprocate, take it in stride and move on. We have been called to be the “spiritual leader” in a relationship, let’s act that way in any relationship we have.

SHE SAID: I’ve been in your shoes, as I’m sure many other female readers of this column have as well.

What is so frustrating is when you have met someone and seem to click, and then nothing happens. I’ll admit that it’s very tempting to get in there and start tinkering and try to get something going to progress the friendship toward a full-fledged relationship. After all, we were designed for relationship and are wired to connect with others. But let me caution you, as one who has tinkered many a time in trying to move along a friendship to a romantic relationship, not to do so. Really. Step away from the “love tinkering.”

I believe that you must stick with your first option: “Wait for him to make the move.” If you do not, you are not allowing a man the opportunity and the space in which to pursue you. There is trouble when women start acting like men; there just is. Because when women start acting like men, then men start acting like women. They become more passive. They let the women do the work in bringing the two of them together, and so they miss out on living to the fullest potential of their male design as God created them to be.

Ask yourself these questions:

* Is it more important that you are with someone or that you are with the “right” someone who God has purposed for you (Prov. 19:21)?
* Could God have allowed this man to be in your life solely for the purpose of knowing how to maintain a male friendship, so that you would be prepared for your future husband one day?
* Is it possible that this man is not God’s best for you, even though you are attracted to him and he has qualities that you think are perfectly suited for you?
* Or is it possible that this man is God’s best for you, but God still has more work to do in his life before he is ready to pursue you?

I think it all comes down to trust (Prov. 3:5-6). Do you trust God or do you trust what you can see in your current life circumstances? Whether we have someone interesting in our lives or not, it’s easy to get frustrated with “timing” and want to take matters into our own hands. I would prayerfully consider what God wants you to do in this matter. Then ask him to conform the desires of your heart into his desires for your life (Psa. 37:4). CLICK HERE to read the full article with links embedded.

What would you do, oh female blog follower?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Things we never hear at Cache' Connections ...

2011-10-26T06:38:00.004-05:00

This is probably true with many professions: you hear the same things over and over again. If you are a Midas employee, you hear, "I don't want to pay a lot for this muffler." Store clerks hear, "Do you take debit cards?" If you are a physical trainer, you probably hear: "That hurts, why are you so mean to me?" Car salesmen hear, "what's your bottom dollar?" I remember back in my days as a real estate closing agent, people used to always joke that they needed a signature stamp so they wouldn't have to sign so many papers. I tried to smile and act like it was the first time I ever heard that remark :)

It is no different at Cache' Connections. There are certain things we hear over and over again. It's very interesting capturing a bird's eye view of what's going on in the Christian dating world, as you can imagine. We can't give away all of our secrets, but we can tell you some things that we DO NOT hear, such as:

* I want a man who will allow me to be the main breadwinner of the family.

* I want a woman who doesn't like to cook - I'll take her out every night.

* I want a man/woman who prefers staying home and a low energy lifestyle. I work hard and like watching TV in my spare time.

* I want a man who will let me be the spiritual leader, and I prefer to do all my praying by myself.

* I want a woman who is older than me - I look and feel old for my age.

* I want a man/woman who will put me in a good mood.

* I want a woman/man who is at least 30 lbs. overweight.

At Cache' Connections, part of our prayer for our members is that they will take whatever action is necessary for them to be healthy daters in order to attract healthy daters. Read between the lines, pray and ask God if there are any changes to your attitude, appearance, spiritual life, etc. that you should make in order to seek and find the mate you desire according to Genesis 2:18: The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

CC's Youngest Couple Announces Engagement

2011-10-25T06:17:00.005-05:00

We are so excited for Amy (27) and Justin (31)! Because he is from the Peoria area, we've met Justin a few times at our speed dating events. Although he was usually the youngest one in attendance, Justin kept a positive attitude about his belief and involvement in Cache' Connections. He's also been great about keeping us informed on the progress of his budding relationship with Amy, sometimes asking for the matchmakers' advice.

Although Justin and Amy live about three hours apart, their connection was too strong to dismiss. It sounds like they've been busy over the past months, often meeting at Starved Rock, like some of our other couples do. Here is their official story that can be found on the Cache' Couples page:

Justin heard of Cache' Connections through some friends. Justin went to a quick date event and enjoyed the atmosphere and feel of Cache. After trying a few events and not running into anyone around his age, he tried the online dating of Cache in May of 2011. He felt a tugging on his heart to join online. A week later Justin came across Amy's profile and decided to message her. They hit it off and after e-mailing back and forth they decided to meet.

Amy accidentally friended Cache on Facebook. She didn't even know what they were. Amy looked at the website for over a year. They just kept popping up. She liked that they were overtly Christian, and pointed towards marriage. Then a friend of hers had her 30th birthday, and she signed up for eharmony. Amy admired her friend for being so intentional. So when the Peoria Expo came up, Amy dragged her friend down to Peoria to check it out. She signed up in May as well and answered Justin's message.

After the first initial meeting, Justin and Amy have continued to get together every weekend. Justin asked Amy to marry him October 1st. They are planning for a February wedding.

Have you been proactive in finding the desire of your heart? Have you attended Cache' Connections events, followed this blog, joined the website and sent messages, read some Christian dating books and talked to your friends and relatives about your search? Remember, your search is a partnership with God. Are you doing your part?

This month, save 70% on any subscription at cacheconnections.com. Use promo code: OCT70

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

A Good Dater

2011-10-23T20:57:00.005-05:00

Today's post comes from the weekly fast.pray blog, which is a group of singles (and people who love them) who fast and pray at lunchtime on Mondays. These are some GREAT tips!

Just a reminder: we're fasting and praying for marriages for those who want to be married, for courage for men to walk upright and into relationship, and for courage for women (us) to be able to change where we need to change. And as you pray, you might consider Heidi's words on 'dating.' Heidi was an original fast.pray. contributor, but she's rejoined us this week to share some thoughts on being a 'good dater.'

Can you think of anyone that you would say is a "good dater"? Is a good dater someone who got married, or someone who has a lot of dates, or someone who has a series of long-term relationships with very little time "on the bench"? Whatever you think success looks like when it comes to good dating, for a moment, let's set aside results as a measure of success and think through some elements of the process. Here are a few tips for women that I learned through my extensive years of dating.

Deal Flow: When investors look for companies to buy or products to invest in, they know they need to look at a LOT of deals in order to find one good one. They call this deal flow. An investor who wants a good rate of return on her investment does not grab the first bid sheet or business proposal someone pitches because she is afraid no one else will want her cash. A wise investor will develop a pipeline of deals to explore and do the necessary due diligence to determine if the deal is worth the investment. There are ways to develop deal flow in dating. Get online, be open to blind dates, smile at people and be open to conversations. There are advantages to deal flow as well. If you know you have 15 matches you find relatively interesting in your pipeline, you can resist the temptation to suffocate the fir st guy that shows up. You can be breezy and open-handed, not desperately afraid you have to make this deal work because it's the only investment out there.

Be the Change-For years through Fasting and Praying we've encouraged you to pray for spouses for those who desire them, for the men of our generation to step into the role of husbands and for us to pray for God to change us where we need to be changed. It was this third prayer that had a transformative impact on my life through the years of fasting and praying. It was a dynamic process, meaning active, that I went through WHILE I was dating and the dating I did while God worked on me played a role in the change. I had some stuff to learn, some areas of my heart to open up and some points of pride that needed to be softened. As God worked his way in me, I was able to receive his gift in a man to me. Do pray for God to change you and then be a part of that change.

Be Open: Ok, I am not your mother when I say "Be Open". But listen to this...I went out with a guy, and it was a perfectly fine date, by the way. But the guy told me over email a couple of days later (and I'm paraphrasing here) "I don't like you, but I'd like to introduce you to my friend who might". The sarcastic comic in me could have turned just that line into a good laugh with the girls about the latest ridiculous line in my dating drama. Because of my commitment to "being the change", however, I was committed to being open. I knew I wanted to be married and I was committed to a road of no regret which meant I was open to using all the tools in the tool box to meet quality men. Because this guy was a quality guy (notable exception that he did not fall in love with me at first sight, of course) , I was open and said "sure!". In turn, I set him up with my friend and the four of us went out on a double-blind date. There's more to the story, but I married the "friend who might". Be open; you just never know.

Focus on the Positive: I had a few hangups about the man I married while we were dating. The hangups were not substantive things. He had all the things that were important and substantive and I was attracted to him, but I found myself focusing on his loud laugh, his pleated pants, and somewhat slow driving. An older and wiser friend challenged me to focus on the positive. This may have been the best advice anyone has ever given me in dating. You can re-merchandise your man, ladies, but his heart and character and whatever else is on your essentials list cannot be given a face-lift.

Good endings make good beginnings: I'm not a psychologist, but it is easier to begin a healthy relationship when the last relationship you had ended well. It is easier for you and it is easier for your (former) partner. Different people might have different definitions of what ending well means so let me discuss that next.

Leave things better than you found them: Build him up, whoever he is. Before I wrote this post, I asked a couple of friends to tell me about their thoughts on dating well. One told me she'd taken my advice to "leave things better than you found them". Her words of her experience describe this point better than I can.

"... I decided that my main goal in all the first dates was to pay attention to the guy and think about making sure that he walked away feeling good/better about himself, regardless if I was attracted or not. It was a GREAT framework because: a) it took my focus off of ME and as a result I was literally less "self-conscious" which is always a good thing, and I think it is Godly; b) it put the whole experience in a POSITIVE light - regardless of whether I was attracted to him, what a great thing to put it entirely in the perspective of encouraging and uplifting someone else, instead of focusing on "what might I get out of this? - another date, a free meal, a boyfriend, maybe a husband" etc.; and c) it has "worked" in the sense that every guy I have gone out with has been pretty interested and asked me out again. I D O think that it has made the experiences more positive for me, AND probably for the men."

Drop breadcrumbs: My husband could give great dating advice to men, but his advice to women was something akin to dropping breadcrumbs...in your conversations on dates, leave the guy with enough knowledge about you and your interests and maybe shared interests with him so that he knows enough to plan a good next date.

Have an audience: By audience, I really mean a caring one, two, several friends who are in this with you. I met with a group of women weekly who were differing ages and marital status. When I was excited about possibility, they celebrated with me. When I was devastated, they were in it with me. And they played a critical role in helping me "be the change" I referred to before. If you get the "deals" flowing, you're going to have some stories. Laugh, cry, and hope--but do it with friends who can point you first and foremost to Jesus. Once you turn that date into a relationship that sticks around, you will need those friends equally as much!

Still in the Journey with My Friends~

Heidi

P.S. If you are a reader, I do have to recommend two books I found helpful. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus on a Date by John Gray--probably most helpful resource to me. And secondly, How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Henry Cloud.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Couple Married 72 Years Dies Holding Hands

2011-10-21T07:46:00.000-05:00

This love story will inspire you!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Winning the Conversation Game

2011-10-20T06:01:00.004-05:00

Today's post comes from Susan Ellingburg of Crosswalk.com. These are great tips that will go a long way in your attempts to "win friends and influence people." Although Cacheconnections.com is an online connection point for Christian singles, we emphasize that it is only a beginning. We do not recommend extensive "e relationships." As soon as members feel comfortable, they are encouraged to take their friendship to the next level: i.e., telephone, coffee date, etc. We also offer live events where these people skills will go a long way!

EDITOR’S NOTE: The following is the latest installment of The Single Life, a monthly column written specifically for singles.

We interrupt this column to activate the social situation service: a party warning has been issued for the upcoming holiday season. Between now and the New Year, various social events are likely to occur. These settings may require you to take part in actual face-to-face discussions, which may involve using the vocal apparatus known as your mouth as opposed to operating an electronic device with your thumbs. In the event of such a social situation, your ability to text like the wind will be of no help whatsoever. Please be prepared to converse while simultaneously looking at the other part(ies) involved. We now return to your regularly scheduled story.

Consider yourself warned: party season is almost upon us. Now, a social occasion where most (or all) of the guests are your friends is generally not a cause of conversational stress, but what if you find yourself at a work party, church gathering, or other event where you’re obliged to make nice with people you don’t know (or don’t know well)? That’s a little trickier, especially in this digital age when so much “conversation” is done via text, e-mail, and so on.

But don’t fret: If the thought of actually talking to another person without benefit of technology makes you nervous, just think of conversation as a game. Once you know a few basic ground rules you’ll be able to talk to anyone else who’s willing to play along.

Rule 1: Step Up to the Plate

The first (and often scariest) step is the first one: get out there and play ball. Toss out a conversational pitch and see if someone catches it and lobs it back. One way to do that is to ask an open-ended question: How do you know [party host]? Try to position your question for a positive answer: What one thing are you looking forward to this ? What holiday tradition do you enjoy most?

Once you’ve asked the question—and this is the most important part of the process—shut up and listen to the answer. As in, pay attention to what they’re saying, don’t just wait for them to take a breath so you can jump in with your own story. Next, ask a follow-up question or comment on what they just said. This one simple step will earn you a reputation as a conversational genius. Why? Because (especially in this “here’s-my-latest-post-about-what-I’m-doing-now” obsessed world we live in) just about everybody is talking but almost no one is listening.

If you are willing to step up to the plate as a listener, you will validate the other person’s right to an opinion. (It doesn’t mean you agree with them, just that you are willing to let them have their say.) This is especially helpful if you’re in a room with a bunch of people who outrank you, such as corporate higher-ups. Not only will you come across as an interested, engaged, intelligent person, you might actually learn something.

Rule 2: Take Turns

A well-played conversation is more akin to a tennis match than a football game. You may be able to break through the competition’s conversational line with a long-winded monologue but you won’t score any points that way. I’ve been in conversations where the other party talked so nonstop for so long I was convinced they’d mastered the art of circular breathing. After a while I tuned out and entertained myself placing mental bets on how much longer they’d be able to go before passing out due to lack of oxygen. There’s certainly nothing wrong with sharing an observation or story, just don’t drone on and on. As Walt Disney (or was it P.T. Barnum?) said, “Always leave them wanting more.” Hint: if your audience’s eyes glaze over, it’s probably time to wind up that story and take a breather.

On the other hand, when someone tosses you a conversational ball, do your part to keep it moving. Even if you’re engaged in listening, the talker will appreciate some sign that you’re still awake and alert.

Rule 3: Stay in Bounds

Depending on the situation the old ban on discussing religion or politics may or may not apply, but don’t bring up things that you know will be divisive or hurtful. What’s the point? And tempting though it may be, don’t talk badly about another person, even if they’re an easy mark. While, “the words of a gossip are like tasty bits of food. People like to gobble them up” (Prov. 18:8), those nuggets of scandal lead to indigestion and infection. Besides, if someone is going say ugly things about another person to you, who knows what they’re going to say about you to the next person?

Rule 4: Play Nice

Remember the things your mother always told you? This is a good time to put them into practice. For example . . .

Don’t interrupt. I’ll just confess right here that this is a personal failing of mine and please, if I’ve ever stepped on your conversational toes, I do apologize. I really do not think my comments are more important than yours, I just get excited and want to chime in. Nevertheless, it’s rude and I’m sorry.

Don’t overshare. In the film 50/50 the main character attempts to pick up girls by playing the sympathy card, but as he quickly learns, beginning a conversation “I have cancer” is a nonstarter. Some things are best saved for your mom, therapist, or BFF. Too much too soon is just awkward for everyone.

Do recognize that no matter what you do, some people aren’t going to play. Most likely it has nothing to do with you. Some people will be rude, possibly even downright offensive. You don’t have to keep talking to them, but try not to respond in kind. It won’t do any good and may do immeasurable harm.

If you have a less-than-positive experience, shake it off and get back in the game. Have fun out there and remember—in the conversation game, everyone can be a winner!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Updates on Area-wide Singles Groups

2011-10-19T06:17:00.005-05:00

The idea of forming Cache' Connections Christian Dating Redefined (CDR) singles ministries is going over well! So far, we've met with pastors and singles leaders in Peoria, Springfield, Bloomington and Naperville, Illinois. Coming up are luncheon meetings with Rockford, Champaign and St. Louis, and on our radar are Decatur, Peru, the Quad Cities and Indianapolis. As you can see, we are starting these groups closer to CC headquarters and moving outward. As suspected, securing a venue is the biggest challenge, and it takes more time than we'd like to take, but it looks like Peoria and Springfield will be launching early 2012; possibly other areas too.

The feedback on our proposed program has been overwhelmingly positive thus far. Everyone who has had opportunity to hear our plans agrees that it makes sense to work together to minister to singles, and many churches readily admit that they are over-scheduled and understaffed to handle a singles ministry of their own. Most advisers agreed that holding the meetings bi-weekly would be the desired frequency.

So what does a CDR meeting look like? If you are an adult Christian single aged 20 or over, you are welcome! You will pay $5 at the door and be welcomed and introduced to others after checking in. You'll have a few minutes to chat with others before the Area Coordinator gets things underway, starting with an icebreaker. There will be approximately 20 minutes of video teaching from well-respected relationship experts such as Dr. Stephen W. Simpson, Cloud and Townsend, Gary and Michael Smalley, and Andy Stanley. Following the video teaching, there will be 10 minute break-outs called "Group Think" to discuss the topic in small groups. Each meeting will also include a video blog or announcement from Cache' Connections.

The evening will finish off with refreshments and more time to socialize and depending on the venue, possibly remain and play board games or other opportunities to connect.

If you feel that your area could sustain a healthy singles group and your church might consider serving as a host site, please contact us and we can send an informational packet. Also, a volunteer team will be needed in each area.

There's a lot of confusion about Christian dating, and the topic of relationships will never go out of style. After all, God hardwired us for relationships (Genesis 2:18). There's strength in numbers, and with churches working together, we can stamp out society's message of "anything goes" and give Christian singles a more clear path and opportunity to form relationships that are pleasing to God.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Worthless or Worthy: How Do You See Yourself?

2011-10-18T11:34:00.003-05:00

Today's blog comes from Joyce Meyer Ministries. It's important to love yourself before you expect someone else to love and accept you.

Do you like yourself? After years of trying to help people emotionally, mentally, spiritually and socially, it was a major breakthrough when I discovered that most people really don't like themselves. Some of them know it, while others don't even have a clue that this is probably the root of so many other problems in their lives.

God wants us to have great relationships, but self-rejection and even self-hatred are the roots of many relationship problems. In fact, I've found the Bible to be a book about relationships, providing valuable advice about my relationship with God, other people and even myself.

How are the relationships with other people in your life? What about your relationship with God…and even with yourself?

Did it ever occur to you that you have a relationship with yourself? While I've never given it much thought, I spend more time with myself than with anyone, and it's vital to get along well with me. Remember, you are the one person you never get away from.

We all know how agonizing it is to work day after day with someone we don't get along with, but at least that person doesn't come home with us at night. We can't get away from ourselves, not even for one second, so it's of the utmost importance that we have peace with ourselves.

Many of us fall prey to self-rejection because we feel that nobody really loves us or accepts us. We figure that if nobody else loves us, then why should we love ourselves? Because we think others don't love us, we feel that we must not be worth loving. But that's a LIE we've believed for way too long!

We should love ourselves—not in a selfish, self-centered way that produces a lifestyle of self-indulgence, but in a balanced, godly way that affirms God's creation as essentially good and right. We may be flawed by unfortunate experiences we've gone through, but that doesn't mean we're worthless and good-for-nothing.

We must have the kind of love for ourselves that says, "I know God loves me, so I can love what God chooses to love. I don't love everything I do, but I accept myself because God accepts me." We must develop the kind of mature love that says, "I know I need to change, and I want to change. In fact, I believe God is changing me daily, but during this process, I will not reject what God accepts. I'll accept myself as I am right now, knowing that I will not always remain this way."

Many times people who reject themselves do so because they can't see themselves as good, proper, or right. They fail to see themselves the way God sees them—as precious children He dearly loves.

As you begin to see yourself through God's eyes—someone who's loved and cherished—your view of yourself will begin to change. You'll begin to see yourself not as rejected, but as loved and accepted…unique and beautiful in His sight.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Speed or Online Dating - Save Today Only!

2011-10-13T07:17:00.002-05:00

Ready to meet some new people? The Cache' Connections Speed Dating and Expo event is coming up this Friday night in Moline, Illinois. We encourage our friends in surrounding areas to round up your carpools and "change flight patterns." In fact, just this week we received an engagement announcement from a young couple who met at an event in Peoria and continued their connection online. They actually live 3 hours away from each other! Here's what Justin wrote:

"Thanks for providing such a good service to be used by like minded Christians to seek out a Godly significant other. The website definitely provided a jump start for our relationship to grow on."

Here are the details on Friday night's event in the Quad Cities:

What:
Cache' Connections Speed Dating and Expo

Where:
United Methodist Life Center
2420 41st Street
Moline, IL 61265

When:
Friday, October 14, 2011
7:00 pm to 10:00 pm

Ages:
All adult ages - speed dating will be in 2 separate age ranges

CLICK HERE for more information such as the schedule, list of vendors, and to pre-register and save $5 through Thursday at midnight!

And don't forget today is the last day to SAVE on your online subscription. The One Year subscription is on sale at the incredibly low price of just $24.95! Be sure to register for the One Year subscription rate (regular $149.95) and use promo code: ONEYEAR2495
(Promo code expires Thursday night at midnight.)

If you have any questions about these two great opportunities to connect, please don't hesitate to call 309-550-5580.

~ Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections

Upcoming Quad Cities Event Makes the News

2011-10-12T07:16:00.005-05:00

Cache' Connections is breaking into the Quad Cities this Friday night with the Cache' Connections Speed Dating and Expo, held in partnership with Riverside United Methodist Church. Here is an article that was published last Saturday in the local paper, QC Online. CLICK HERE to read the article as published.

MOLINE -- Speed-dating rounds take only five minutes, but Biblically based relationship advice to be discussed at an Oct. 14 Christian singles event has been around for a long, long time, organizers say.

Riverside Methodist Church will sponsor a speed-dating event and expo on Friday, Oct. 14, at the church's Life Center, 2420 41st St. Doors open at 7 p.m.

Vendors from 20 to 30 local companies will have booths set up with information about their business or ministry, games or activities designed to help people become better acquainted, and prizes to be awarded at 8:25 p.m.

The optional speed-dating component will be held from 8:30 to 9:30 p.m. and be divided into two sessions, one for people ages 20 to 35, and another for people older than 35. Four- to six-member groups will take five-minute turns meeting one another.

The event will be conducted by a professional community and matchmaking for Christian singles business called Cacheconnections, based in Pekin. For information about the company or the expo, visit connections.com. Tickets are $15 for those who preregister by midnight Thursday, Oct. 13, or $20 at the door.

Cacheconnections was formed in 2007 by Kim Whitaker and Linda Martin.

''Our mission is to provide a connection point for Christian singles for community and matchmaking services, and secondly, for supporting and promoting healthy dating relationships based on Biblical standards,'' Mrs. Martin, company vice president, said in a telephone interview.

''A couple of them we usually lean on are: 'Do not be yoked together with unbelievers,' from 2 Corinthians 6:14; and 'Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord,' from Psalm 31:24.''

Mrs. Martin said they've invested a lot of time and money into the business, but they also see it as a ''calling. Singles are often overlooked and underserved, and churches often aren't equipped to minister to them. Some are quite happy to find someone like us to partner with them.''

Riverside pastor the Rev. Donald Jackson said he hopes the program ''will be a beginning for us to start a singles ministry for our church and community. They contacted us and asked if we would be open to do something. I wouldn't have invited them to Riverside or to the Quad-Cities, though, if I didn't have complete trust in them. I know them and I know of their integrity and what they believe.''

Singles generally feel more comfortable coming to such an event ''when they feel it has a church's stamp of approval,'' Mrs. Martin said.

Guests and members typically find it encouraging when they learn how long Mrs. Martin and Mrs. Whitaker have been married to their husbands.

''It makes people feel that we know what we are doing, and that we don't have ulterior motives of trying to find someone for ourselves,'' said Mrs. Martin, who's been married for 27 years.

Events they've held at other churches don't always include speed dating, but Rev. Jackson thought it would be a good idea to offer it when they visit Riverside.

''It's nice to know that people might find someone that evening with whom they could start building a relationship,'' said Rev. Jackson, who recently became engaged.

Riverside has a small percentage of singles attending church, Rev. Jackson said. ''But I think it's an appropriate event for the Quad-Cities, which hasn't had something exactly like this before.''

Mrs. Martin said Cacheconnections ultimately hopes to form a permanent areawide group to meet regularly to share Christian relationship advice, dating advice that has stood the test of time.

We look forward to helping the Christian singles of Davenport, Moline, Rock Island and Bettendorf connect. If you are in the Quad Cities area, be sure to encourage your Christian single friends to come out for this unique opportunity!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Are you the clingy one?

2011-10-11T07:05:00.005-05:00

A friend asked us recently if it is normal for someone that you are dating to require you to spend virtually all of your spare time with him or her. Apparently his girlfriend gets bent out of shape when she is left out of some of his weekend plans, not allowing him to spend time with his friends and family without her throwing a "hissy fit."

My reply was that his girlfriend definitely seems needy and clingy and therefore the relationship is unhealthy. I recommended he have a talk with her and set some clear boundaries with her regarding his personal time. If she continues to cry and carry on, then he needs to break it off with her. It's unfortunate, but one unhealthy dater makes for an unhealthy relationship.

Has this ever happened to you? I asked some of my Facebook friends and several of them could identify with this type of behavior. Some even admitted to being the clingy one! It's important to remember that you need to have a stable identity in Christ before you get involved in a relationship. If your identity is firmly rooted in Christ, you won't need another person to make you feel complete - it will just be the "icing on the cake." Keep in mind that the person you are dating had a life before you came into the picture, and you need to respect his other relationships and commitments. In other words, it's not all about you!

My friend asked why dating has to be so hard ... I wish it weren't! You can learn more about healthy dating by ordering a copy of "Christian Dating Redefined," featuring great dating advice from Dr. Stephen W. Simpson, Professor and Director of Clinical Psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary. CLICK HERE to see the trailer and order your copy!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Tell a friend about this great deal and add a free year for yourself!

2011-10-08T07:22:00.002-05:00

Yes, you read the headline correctly... Cache' Connections is now offering a full year membership for only $24.95! The regular price is $149.95, so this is a $125.00 savings! That is a one-time charge for an entire year which is a fantastic price for full access to the website including the following:

-complete your personal profile
-receive connections within your age and mileage parameters
-sort your connections according to your preferences
-view all received profiles, including photos
-send private messages
-participate in online chats

Pretty unbelievable, right? Take note though that this offer expires in only 6 days. The special will run through Thursday, October 13th ONLY. So don't delay and risk missing this great offer.

The promo code for the one time price of $24.95 for a full year membership is ONEYEAR2495.

But wait! It gets even better! If you present this offer to a new member that has not previously joined Cache' Connections and they sign up and Contact Us letting us know you encouraged them to join, we'll give you another year for free! Just ask them to provide us with your name and email.

Remember, by letting your friends know about this offer, you could be helping yourself. Maybe this effort will bring your special someone to the Cache' Connections website, so please forward this email to as many single friends as possible! You will also be helping to spread the word of healthy biblical relationships to others and for that you will be blessed in return!

Blessings,
Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections

Cache' Connections Third Quarter Newsletter

2011-10-05T15:50:00.004-05:00

Where oh where did the third quarter go? It's officially Fall and that means it's time to get back to business and a more normal routine for most of us. For Cache' Connections, that means more events for Christian singles.

A highlight from the third quarter included the Cache' Connections Expo and Speed Dating event that was held at The Chapel in Barrington Hills at the end of August. We found that adding the element of speed dating is key, as the majority of guests participated in that portion of the event at the end of the evening. Although we urged singles to pre-register for the speed dating, many guests arrived late just for the speed dating. So we decided to work them all in the best we could and had our largest speed dating event ever with approximately 80 participants! The guests loved it!

A few weeks later, Chicagoland singles gathered again at the Fred Astaire Dance Studios for group dance lessons. This smaller crowd had a great time learning the Rumba, the Salsa and the Hustle. In Peoria, singles came out for a speed dating event. It was refreshing to have approximately 8 or 10 guests who were 35 and under, in addition to the guests who were 35+. All seemed to have a good time making new friends.

As far as future events, you may be wondering why the schedule looks a little slim. We've been busy working behind the scenes, developing a program to plant area-wide singles groups in several areas. These "Christian Dating Redefined" groups, which will focus on healthy Christian dating, will be managed by Cache' Connections, run by volunteers, and supported by local churches. August and September were filled with planning and logistics, and at this writing we have held three meetings with pastors and singles leaders in Peoria, Springfield and Bloomington, Illinois. Lists, luncheons and phone calls to other areas are keeping us busy! The feedback from these meetings has been overwhelmingly positive, and plans for these local groups are being put into motion. It all takes time, however. Check out the blog post from October 3rd with more of the inside scoop.

If you live in an area that you feel would support an area-wide singles group of this nature, please contact us to receive a packet to present to your local church(s).

We celebrated some Cache' Connections weddings this summer, and even attended one in Central Illinois where another Cache' Connections married couple was attending as well! This fall we look forward to the marriage of Kelly and Glen on 11/1/11. Many of our Chicago friends have met Kelly and Glen at events that they have hosted or served as volunteers. Since they met at a Cache' Connections event, Kelly and Glen are strong supporters of Cache' Connections, both our online membership and event opportunities. To read their love story, CLICK HERE.

A few reminders to new members:

- Please post your photos! First we need your headshot and bodyshot taken against a plain indoor wall or door, then we can approve 6 casual photos
- Consider widening your age and mileage ranges under My Account Settings to increase your connections
- Don't forget to read the blog and find Kim Whitaker and Linda Martin on Facebook; also join the Fan Page!
- If you have prayer requests or would like to join the Cache' Connections Prayer Team, please contact us.
- Join a growing email group of those who are fasting and praying for singles desiring marriage. Email fast.pray@gmail.com to be added to the list!
- Check out the expert-led chats in The Meeting Room. Click Scheduled Events for details.
- Lastly, remember that all subscriptions will automatically renew unless you cancel your subscription under Billing Management.

Blessings,
Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections

It's Just Lunch - With Area Pastors

2011-10-04T07:18:00.005-05:00

Christian Dating Redefined ... that's the name of area-wide singles groups will be popping up soon, Lord willing. We've held two luncheon meetings already with area singles leaders and pastors - one in Peoria, Illinois and another in Springfield, Illinois. So far the feedback from these info-lunches has been overwhelmingly positive, and we are in the process of nailing down venues for the groups to meet in each of these two areas.

Today we will be meeting with pastors in Bloomington, Illinois and Thursday we will travel to Naperville, Illinois to explain the concept and program outline that we've been working on for the past two months. We've found that it is partly true that "a way to a man's heart is through his stomach" ... or at least it's an acceptable, friendly approach for pitching an idea that comes out of left field for most of them. We've also learned that once church leaders meet us, the founders of Cache' Connections, in person, they suddenly realize that online dating isn't quite so scary, after all.

We will continue to set up meetings in the coming months and will be establishing and launching groups simultaneously. Areas on the near horizon are the Quad Cities, St. Louis area, Indianapolis, Indiana and Champaign, Illinois.

In a nutshell, the Christian Dating Redefined singles groups will be managed by Cache' Connections, run by local volunteers and backed by area churches. The focus of the groups will be healthy Christian dating, and the teaching will be in the form of DVD's recorded by well-respected Christian relationship experts. As Dr. Stephen W. Simpson said in the Christian Dating Redefined DVD produced by Cache' Connections, "We need a new model for dating." We need to get on the same page and with the power of unity and numbers, stamp out the message that society is sending, which is: "Anything goes!"

If you live in an area that would support such an area-wide group, please contact us to receive a packet that you can present to your church.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Swarming women and dealing with discouragement: recaps from last night's chat with Expert Emily Shupert

2011-10-03T07:00:00.005-05:00

Emily: Feel free to ask any dating question, there therapist is in :)

Chatter: How should I handle overly aggressive women when I go out? For example, I saw a guy that I was interested in, but he was immediately swarmed by women (like vultures around dead meat)

Emily: Interesting question. Thanks for asking this question and it sounds like you are in a tough spot...not wanting to swarm him too but also wanting to get to know him, right?

Chatter: Correct.

Emily: well, I think that this is a great situation where you can get to know him by talking with him in a way that stands out from the others who swarm...be original.

Chatter: Such as????

Emily: By saying this, I wonder what activities you both might like? I wonder if you can reach out to him in a more subtle way that doesn't swarm him but shows interest in him...like asking him if he is going to a church event, serve in a ministry outreach, etc. Be different by being more original and showing that you are interested in him as a person....but also leave him with a desire to get to know you more.....let him feel like he would be pursuing you not vice versa.

Chatter: Unfortunately, I don't see him in a church setting, so being subtle may not be an option.

Emily: Ok, well, if it isn't a church event, you could probably wait until the swarm team is gone and then make a comment that intrigues him or gets his interest in a non-aggressive way.

Chatter: This guy maybe a lost cause, the swarm team never leaves. Its like they multiply.

Emily: I think that there are some situations where this is possible and others where it isn't...let the Lord open the doors if there is room/time for the conversation but if its a swarm and you aren't able to engage without shouting over them, then maybe it's not a door you are intended to walk through.

Chatter: Very true. I'm starting to realize that because he doesn't respond to any non-verbal cues I give, so it may be a lost cause.

Chatter: I don't know, Miranda, it seems like "non-verbal cues" aren't exactly big on most guys' radar screens!

Emily It's really hard to know when it is a lost cause or not but if it feels like the door continues to shut and there isn't a connection, then also look at other ways of meeting people like through cache connections. Have you gone to any of their events? they are really great! (I promise, they don't pay me to endorse but I suggest them because I truly believe that they have wonderful events.) Keep on going and try to make connections but also look online through cache, in your church, and also in areas you are interested like book clubs, community organizations, and intramural sports teams...fun ways to connect!

Chatter: I try to leave every stone unturned but everywhere I look there is nothing. (please no one say that my problem is I'm looking, I've heard that enough::laugh)

Emily: oh gosh, I wouldn't say that...one of my pet peeves to hear when clients hear that from others. Its so over used and really is faulty many times because it promotes passivity in your dating life.

But, do you have guy friends who know you well? I might suggest asking them some questions but first want to see if you have a group of guys who you know and trust.

Chatter: I don't have any guy friends.

Emily: that might be the first thing to look at. I often suggest asking a group of questions to your guy friends for honest feedback (since we can't see our blind spots or be objective with ourselves). However, I'd encourage you to think outside the box. In addition to online through cache, try to talk with at least 4-5 people a week...new guys, no matter the age, just to get some more exercise in talking with new men. It's all about a numbers game at first, especially when you feel so disconnected from meeting new guys. Many people will say "there are no good guys" but I think that it is often because we have tunnel vision. Talking with 4-5 single mostly but sometimes can include married men (not to date the married men.) But simply practice because they are all men...get your numbers up so you can see the guys around you, gain self confidence as you get in conversations more often, and see how you can strike up connecting with people, even in the grocery store line!
I take this idea from How to Get a Date Worth Keeping where Drs. Cloud and Townsend encourage 5 guys a week (and having an accountability partner to check in at the end of each week).

It isn't guys you are interested in...it's just a male...many times we look for guys of interests but we miss out on meeting guys in general. I'm not saying you need to lower your standards, but it does mean that you are increasing your frequency to simply talking and meeting new guys. Who knows, you might fall in love with one of the guys you would pass by or meet one of their friends and date them. It's not about filtering people out before talking with them but simply talking with them, possibly getting to know them more, and then deciding.

Chatter: I'm not sure if that will work for those of us who live in small cities.

Emily: I promise, it will! Give it 2-3 weeks and then decide...what do you have to lose?

Chatter: Do you all think it's a cop out for me to decide that, having done all of these sorts of suggestions--attended events, been diligent about initiating contacts online, going to different churches, volunteering, etc.--and I'm not even meeting men with whom I have anything in common (being very open-minded about that, too, and allowing for lots of differences)...given all that, is it a cop out, lack of faith, cynicism--take your pick--to decide that God does not have this plan for me right now and to just put the idea of meeting someone aside? (that sounds really pathetic and whiney, so I'm attempting realism.)

Emily: Sorry, I think I'm confused....are you saying that God doesn't have that in your path right now?

Chatter: Yes. I've begun to wonder if I've crossed the line of taking too much into my own control and not allowing for God's leading--even if it's a "no" to what I want.

Emily: I believe that the Lord opens and closes doors but I also believe that we must be faithful to pursue relationships with same and opposite genders as the community of Christ. If the Lord has put you in a place where you are feeling discouraged by the lack of guys present, it is possible that He is working behind the scenes in areas you can't see. Regardless, I encourage you to keep faithful in prayer and keeping your eyes open. It's very hard so I'm not saying that its easy...because it's not at all. But I do want to encourage you to continue to pray, keep open eyes, and become the woman who the man you are looking for would be looking for....

Chatter: I agree Emily. I have been using this time to unload old baggage from past relationships. its been so freeing and I have such peace.

Emily: continue to work on yourselves and allow the Lord to refine you in the process.

Chatter: I have grown so much in this time and feel God has put me in a better place to appreciate all it takes to handle a real relationship He would ordain.

Emily: Yes, God recycles all the time you have in this dessert time...keep letting Him work in your life, refine you, and bring you closer to Him. It's difficult in this process, but to grow in your relationship with God and in your own personal development will prepare you to meet someone great!

Expert Emily Shupert leads a monthly chat at cacheconnections.com. Mark your calendar for the next expert-led chat on Sunday, November 6th at 7:30 pm CST. You can CLICK HERE for more information on Emily.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Single, Female, and Ready to Date

2011-09-29T06:40:00.003-05:00

Today's post is an article published on Crosswalk.com's Singles section. Co-written by Laura MacCorkle and Cliff Young, both single, they are addressing one reader's concern:

QUESTION: I'm a single Christian woman in my early 40s who has never been in a serious relationship. I've spent most of my life focused on the Lord, ministry, traveling, education, building relationships with my family, friends, and career. Because I have no husband or children, I've "occupied" [my time] by doing the things I felt God led me to do. Now (maybe too late?) I've realized that I can do both; I can live a full, interesting, godly life AND I can be open to a husband . . . but when it comes to relationships, the average pre-teen has more experience than me. I hesitate to respond to men sometimes because I wonder if they'll think I'm some sort of freak because I've not had experience in this area. I really do want to meet someone and the circumstances in my life are such that I can do that now. I am emotionally and spiritually ready. But I'm not sure where to start and how to handle the dreaded questions: "How many relationships have you been in before? What was the longest relationship that you've ever had?" Nor am I really sure where to start. I'd appreciate any advice that you can give.

HE SAID: One of the most common (non-physical) exercises we, as humans, seem to participate in is the “what if” game. We consider and contemplate all sorts of various ways a situation may turn out, oftentimes leaving us with a negative slant or a pessimistic outlook to our circumstance.

When we apply this innate response to dating, we can conjure up how an entire date “will” go, conversations included, long before we meet anyone. Oftentimes, this just leads to creating fear and doubt about ourselves.

What if he wonders why I’m not married?

What if she asks about past relationships?

What if he thinks this?

What if she doesn’t like that?

What if, what if, what if.

We can experience an entire relationship in our mind prior to our first meeting. Heaven forbid should any of our scenarios come to pass, which would only fuel our lack of confidence and, in a strange way, bolster the belief in our “instinctive skill.”

I once heard nearly 85 percent of the things most people worry about never come to pass. That percentage may even be higher when it comes to dating!

Matthew has some great instruction for all of us: Do not worry about your life (Matt. 6:25).

So you’re in your 40s and never been in a serious relationship.

Although you may see this as a drawback, it can also be viewed as an advantage, especially over those “pre-teens” you’re comparing yourself to. Their relationships are typically superficial, not based on personal qualities or eternal values, last only a couple of weeks and often end unpleasantly.

For those who have been in a committed relationship and have experienced a break-up or divorce, there may be emotional scars, which if left unresolved, can cause difficulties and impact subsequent relationships.

Before you start doubting yourself about your “dating experience,” consider there are those who would rather be with someone they can “learn” with, discover each other’s needs, and become “their only” instead of someone who has had a number of serious relationships, may be entering with pre-conceived notions and has “been around the block.” More ...

SHE SAID: I can certainly identify with you. While I may not be in your exact same boat, consider me waving at you from another neighboring vessel just a little bit downstream from you.

I have had some serious relationships over the years, but I have also had a busy career and a very meaningful personal life full of family, friends, church and hobbies. Even though I’ve kept myself quite busy, I would say that I’ve always had one eye on desiring marriage while the other eye was focused on my life as it was and still is: single and fulfilled, but ready to marry.

In your case, I wonder perhaps if God has decided that now is the right time to awaken the desire to date (and marry) in your heart. It sounds like your life has been chock full of interesting opportunities that God has placed in your path, and he has kept you focused on following him down these different avenues. In fact, who knows how many lives you have been able to reach for him in your career, ministry, traveling, education, and through building relationships with your family and friends? That’s encouraging to think about! And it’s also inspiring to see how God has brought you to where you are today. He has used all of your experiences to shape you into the multi-faceted woman who now stands ready to meet an eligible male and share life together. I think that’s great!

I understand your questioning about where to start, especially as it comes to answering questions that are sure to be asked regarding your past dating experience. And so my advice to you is really quite simple: just be yourself. More ...

Sounds like great advice! Get out of the boat, be open, be yourself, and trust God. Sounds like great advice that we've heard becfore :)

~Linda
Cache' Connections

Dr. Dobson's Answers to the Dating Quiz

2011-09-27T21:15:00.006-05:00

As promised from yesterday's post! This quiz is the basis for Dr. Dobson's recent book titled, "Head Over Heels - How to Fall in Love and Land on Your Feet."

Item 1: "Love at first sight" occurs between some people.
Answer: "False. Love is not simply a feeling of romantic excitement; it goes beyond intense sexual attraction; it exceeds the thrill at having 'captured' a highly desirable social prize." The emotional high and feeling of wonderment are actually self-focused, where true love is focused on the other person's happiness and well-being.

Item 2: It is easy to distinguish real love from infatuation.
Answer: False. Dobson emphatically states, "I must stress this fact with the greatest emphasis: The exhilaration of infatuation is never a permanent condition. Period!" Even couples who are deeply in love will experience highs and lows, but their love is dependent on their commitment of their will, not emotions or circumstances.

Item 3: People who sincerely love each other will not fight and argue.
False. Enough said.

Item 4: God selects one particular person for each of us to marry, and He will guide us together.
Although God's wisdom and direction should be sought in this critical area of life, he does not perform routine matchmaking services for His followers. "He has given us judgment, common sense and discretionary powers, and He expects us to exercise these abilities in matters matrimonial."

Item 5: If a man and woman genuinely love each other, then hardships and troubles will have little or no effect on their relationship.
False. Even in stable marriages, the fiber of love can be weakened by hardships, disease, separation or other life stressors. "It must be protected or nurtured when the hard times come."

Item 6: It is better to marry the wrong person than to remain single and lonely throughout life.
False. A single person can have a fulfilling life. A miserable married person can have a miserable life ... and share it with others :/

Item 7: It is not harmful or wrong to have sexual intercourse before marriage if the couple has a meaningful relationship.
False. "Illegitimate births, abortions, disease, even death - this is the true vomitus of the sexual revolution, and I am tired of hearing it romanticized and glorified. God has clearly forbidden irresponsible sexual behavior - not to deprive us of fun and pleasure, but to spare us the consequences of this festering way of life."

Item 8: If a couple is genuinely in love, that condition is permanent - lasting a lifetime.
False. "Love, even genuine love, is a fragile thing. Let me say it again: A marital relationship must be maintained and protected if it is to survive." You can't take this relationship for granted and expect it to last.

Item 9: A short courtship (six months or less) is best.
False. Is it love or infatuation? How will you know unless you give the relationship time?

Item 10: Teenagers are more capable of genuine love than are older people.
False. Although teenage romance is especially exciting and exhilarating, teens generally lack the level of maturity to make a selfless, giving, caring commitment that will last "til death do us part."

All ten items are false. They represent the 10 most common misconceptions about the meaning of romantic love. Dobson would like to make the quiz mandatory in order to receive a marriage license. Not a bad idea!

This is a great little book for couples to read and discuss together when considering tying the knot.

~Linda
Cache' Connections

Take Dr. Dobson's Love Quiz

2011-09-27T07:14:00.003-05:00

What do you believe about love? Dr. James Dobson recently authored, "Head Over Heels - How to Fall in Love and Land on Your Feet." The cute little book begins with this quiz. Ponder your thoughts on these questions and tomorrow we'll highlight Dr. Dobson's answers.

True or False?
1. "Love at first sight" occurs between some people.
2. It is easy to distinguish real love from infatuation.
3. People who sincerely love each other will not fight and argue.
4. God selects one particular person for each of us to marry, and He will guide us together.
5. If a man and woman genuinely love each other, then hardships and troubles will have little or no effect on their relationship.
6. It is better to marry the wrong person than to remain single and lonely throughout life.
7. It is not harmful or wrong to have sexual intercourse before marriage if the couple has a meaningful relationship.
8. If a couple is genuinely in love, that condition is permanent - lasting a lifetime.
9. A short courtship (six months or less) is best.
10. Teenagers are more capable of genuine love than are older people.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Sexuality

2011-09-26T07:51:00.001-05:00

Today's post is taken from the fast.pray group who fasts and prays at lunchtime every Monday for singles desiring marriage.

Dear Fast and Pray-ers,

This is your reminder that we are fasting and praying for 1) marriages for those who long to be married and for 2) courage to become the men and women God has created us to be, especially within relationships to the opposite sex. As you pray and fast, you might consider the thoughts below....

Sexuality (spelled wrong in the subject line to, hopefully, prevent the email from being treated as spam!). We have not written much about this topic for fast.pray. in the past. This hasn't been a conscious decision, maybe just the outgrowth of fast.pray. being mostly a virtual community--and there are some topics (including sexuality) that still, we believe, merit the safety of trusted relationship as the backdrop for deepest discussion. But recently, we've had requests to 'go there' --particularly around the questions of sexual sin and guilt. Before we attended to mistakes, though, I wanted to simply remind us of how our sexuality, whether we are married or single, is actually grounded in the character and heart of God. He is the God of sacred intimacy. And it's good to be reminded about the one in whose image we are made.

1) Sacred Intimacy includes commitment to exclusivity. The word "exclusive" can leave some of us feeling uncomfortable, but the truth is, this is the kind of relationship God is committed to and models. "I will take you as my own people, and I will be your God" he says in Exodus 6:7. And he repeats himself later , "You shall have no other gods before me...For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God" (20:3,5). God is into his people and says it's got to go both ways. He's not 'into us sometimes, until we mess up or whatever...' and then switches up. Nor does he want us being into him when it suits, then dropping him for our idol du jour. He is not fickle and he has made us, likewise, to thrive in the context of an exclusive relationship with him.

2) Sacred Intimacy includes commitment to a loving-oneness. God is not into exclusivity as its own end, but he is committed to a loving-oneness within those bounds. Jesus gives us a little taste of this when he's praying for us in John 17: "I pray that they will all be one, just as you [Father] and I are one--as you are in me, Father, and I am in you." And he continue, "that they may be one as we are one—I in them and you in me—..." (20-23). Okay, this is tricky, because we have Trinitarian concepts going on here--but in short, there is deep intimacy and oneness within God and that's what God longs for us to experience with him (and among ourselves), which is why he keeps pursuing us: "How can I give you up, O Ephraim? /How can I surrender you, O Israel? ...My heart is turned over within Me,/ All My compassions are kindled" (Hosea 11:8). He wants deep and loving union with his people (and that includes the 485 subscribers to this blog!).

3) Sacred Intimacy includes commitment to rejoicing over the beloved. God is not just committed to an exclusive and loving-oneness, God is also committed to rejoicing with and over his people. "As a young man marries a maid, so will your sons marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you" (Is. 62:5). God's heart is actually thrilled about us. Heidi, who has written many times for us, says the one message she came away with after 6 months of a listening prayer exercise was this: the God of the universe is crazy about her. Thrilled! That IS crazy. The God of the universe, crazy wild over Heidi? Over Connally? Over Anne? Over Amy? Over Kirsten? Over you? I don't think we can hear it too many times. It is true. He says so.

4) Sacred Intimacy includes commitment to bearing fruit with the beloved. God is committed to bearing fruit in and through us. Deeply connected within an exclusive, loving, & joy-filled relationship with him, we get to get co-creative! "O Ephriam," God says to his people, "what more have I to do with idols? I will answer him and care for him./I am like a green pine tree; your fruitfulness comes from me" (Hosea 14:8). So, whether he wants to bear in and through us the fruits of the his Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, etc.) or, with us as his hands and feet, new or changed lives & communities--there are endless iterations of what we get to co-create with Him--the bottom line is that his exclusive love doesn't suffocate and smush. Rather it generates life, beauty, truth, goodness. And we get to join with him in multiplying his presence. Amazing.

Okay--I know this is all very conceptual; it'll get grittier in weeks to come. But I just wanted to start this mini-series on sexuality with the reminder that regardless of our sexual histories, because we are made in the image of God, we are all carry within us the longing for and capacity for sacred intimacy, even right now. And no matter how this arena might be an area for struggle, this longing and capacity for sacred intimacy--the core of our sexuality--is a VERY GOOD thing. It is a reflection of our Maker. So thank him for it as you pray this week.

Blessings in the Journey,

Connally

~ Have a great week!
~Linda
Cache' Connections

Ever Had to "Pull a Ruth"?

2011-09-22T07:25:00.006-05:00

If you are not familiar with the book of Ruth from the Bible and how she connected with her husband, Boaz, we strongly encourage you to read it or check out my blog post titled "The Book of Ruth Lends Dating Advice." In reading, "Get Married - What Women Can Do to Help It Happen," I happened upon the phrase "pulling a Ruth," and found it intriguing and timely.

Author Candice Watters also calls it "chasing the plane." You know, the classic scene from the movies where a couple has gotten off track and it's usually the female who ends up getting on a plane to start a new chapter in life. Tears stream down her face as she looks back and with a sweet sigh to everyone's relief, she finds her love chasing the plane mouthing the words: "Come back - I love you!"

Basically we're talking about forcing his hand. Call it an ultimatum. Or don't - but that's what it really is. Candice candidly tells of how she and her (now) husband Steve had been hanging out as friends for approximately a year during college. All the while she was developing deep feelings for him and longing to become his wife - waiting, praying and hoping. Steve didn't seem to have a clue or had some hangups and continued casually dating a few other girls. No other guys would ask her out because they were always together. But the friendship was not going anywhere. Her mentor and modern-day-matchmaker of sorts, Mary Morken, encouraged her to "pull a Ruth."

Candice wrote, "Getting on the plane ends the 'going-nowhere chapter.' What comes next could be the 'he chases the plane' chapter or maybe the 'she meets her future husband on the plane' plot twist. You never know how the man in your life will respond. He might take a small step that proves to be in the right direction. He might exceed your expectations and ask you to marry him. He might, unfortunately, prove he's not ready to be a husband. Whatever the outcome, you have to give him a chance to make the move."

Unfortunately, these types of measures are necessary in today's post-marriage culture because we do not have family structures, a stable society and social supports that work together with God's work of bringing mates together. Most singles are left floundering without a clear path to marriage or even knowing if a potential mate believes in marriage. There was a day when parents were highly involved in helping their children find a mate. These days, many parents are divorced themselves and encouraging their offspring to save the risk of divorce and live together. And many men were raised without a strong father figure to give them the confidence to move forward in a relationship.

All this to say ... don't be afraid to pull a Ruth or ask him to chase the plane. Be aware of the risk of losing him. But if your desire is to be married, hanging out indefinitely as buddies is not going to get you any closer to that calling. Far too many couples allow fear to keep them frozen. How much time are you willing to invest in being frozen?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Looking for the perfect Christian mate?

2011-09-20T08:05:00.006-05:00

In short, give it up.

We all have ideals of what our perfect spouse would look like, talk like, and act like. We women are especially in tune with our Ken doll or Mystery Date that we've dreamed about since around the age of 10 - or was it 7? Likewise, most guys have a visual picture in their mind of what their beautiful wife will look like: her hair, her smile, her height and body type. The problem with this dream date is that there are no perfect people. Surprised? Of course not. Afraid? That might be more like it.

I think that one of the many reasons that dating as a Christian is more challenging (besides the obvious: finding other Christian singles, lack of guidance from the Church, no sex outside of marriage, being careful not to be unequally yoked, different religious backgrounds/beliefs/practices, etc.) is that we also know that God hates divorce. Therefore, we MUST find the perfect mate so that the risk of divorce is nil.

The problem with searching for the perfect mate is that it is focused on you - how Mr. or Ms. Right is going to complete you.

Scott Croft gives a great description on biblical attraction in his article titled: "Brother, You're Like a Six" published on Boundless Webzine. Scott wrote:

In Scripture, love is described not as a mere emotion based on personal desire (i.e., "attraction"), but as an act of the will that leads to selfless actions toward others. According to Jesus himself, the second-greatest commandment (after loving God) is to "love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:31). He also said "greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). Jesus' love for us did not result from our inherent loveliness or our wonderful treatment of Him. He didn't go to the cross as a spontaneous response triggered by mere emotion. His perfect love of us was a choice, an act undertaken despite our lack of attractiveness — and it led to both sacrifice and joy.

Scott tells of a couple he was counseling. The male, in his quest for a "10," was having a problem making a commitment to his godly girlfriend.

He also said that, while he found her basically attractive, there was one feature of hers that he "just pictured differently" on the woman he would marry. I would ask about her godliness and character and faith, and he said all those things were stellar (and he was right). Finally, he said, "I guess I'm looking for a '10'."

I could hold back no longer. Without really thinking, I responded, You're looking for a '10'? But, brother, look at yourself. You're like a 'six.' If you ever find the woman you're looking for, and she has your attitude, what makes you think she would have you?"

Oh how often we at Cache' Connections want to say this! There are no 10's. Well, even if you find one, his or her ego would be intolerable or your feelings of jealousy or inferiority would eat the relationship from the inside out.

At Cache' Connections, we suggest taking a better look at biblical attraction. CLICK HERE to read the article in its entirety and to find the balance between biblical attraction and worldly attraction.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Do You Trust Me?

2011-09-19T06:44:00.004-05:00

On Mondays, we are encouraged to join a group who fasts and prays for singles desiring marriage. To join the group and receive the weekly email blog, CLICK HERE.

Today's post is a reminder that attractive, educated single Christian women are becoming a statistic. Fortunately, the actual statistics are that there ARE enough guys around. It's just a matter of finding them ... or the guys coming out of hiding. Kirsten reminds us that trusting God with this important issue is a process.

Dear Fast and Pray-ers,

This is your reminder that we are fasting and praying for 1) marriages for those who long to be married and for 2) the courage to become the men and women God has created us to be, especially within relationships to the opposite sex. As you pray and fast, you might consider the words from Kirsten, one of our new contributors....

Hello! My name is Kirsten Harnett and it’s with grateful excitement that I contribute here for the first time. I am a 35-year old single, professional, Jesus-loving woman who was deeply touched by Connally’s book. Touched enough, actually, to track her down, get her on the phone, and spend time chatting about the realities of this unexpected life of current singleness. Working through this unique life space with clients is my specialty as a therapist, which, combined with my interest in writing, prompted Connally to extend an invitation to share some of my thoughts with this blog community.

My instinct today is simply to share from my heart a bit of where God has me on the journey. Like most of you, I never expected my life to look quite the way it does. By 35 I assumed that I would be married and have at least two children, preferably with a tall, dark, handsome, chiseled (but not overly so) masculine yet sensitive man with unmatched spiritual depth and maturity. But the years have passed, and while God has richly provided and blessed me in so many ways, these specific longings and unmet desires are still longed for, and unmet.

I find that at this stage I’ve had to become comfortable with what feels like a regular pendulum ride between states of contentment and frustration at not having the relationship I’ve hoped for. I strive for contentment and sometimes even feel pressure from both internal and external voices to be at peace regardless of my circumstances, yet confess that often I am not. Lately I’ve spent regular time in the land of discontent, unplugged from most hope that God will bring me a good man with whom I can partner in love and friendship on the road of life. When the millionth eharmony date or set up doesn’t come through, when efforts at pro-activity in my dating life fall flat, even when stepping back with the reasoning that “God needs space to work” and then nothing happens, it becomes increasingly hard to believe that good things will come.

Recently, on a particularly emotional evening, God and I wrestled over His presence (or seeming lack of presence) in this area of my life. In prayer and tears I found myself in the last verses of the book of John (21:15-23), where Jesus solicits Peter’s confession of love three times and appoints him leader of the church. Jesus asks, “Do you love me?” but what came to me as I read the words was my own name and not the word ‘love’ but ‘trust’: “Kirsten, do you trust me? Do you truly trust me? Do you trust me with your deepest longings and desires, that I am present in your waiting, and that regardless of what your life does or doesn’t look like your job is to follow me?”

It was (and continues to be) a moment of soul-searching. Can I trust Jesus with the things that are unclear, that aren’t yet determined, that may or may not be realized in the way I hope or long for? Can I trust him when friends around me are in relationships or planning weddings or having children and seem to have it all? Can I trust him when years go by and certain questions remain unanswered? Can I trust that He is good?

I wish I could respond with a resounding “Yes!”. The truth is that it’s a process. But something about the clarity with which He spoke to me in those moments points to the reality of God’s presence in the midst of cynicism and jadedness. I can’t know where the road will lead in regards to my or anyone else’s relationship future. What I do know is that God desires us to lean into our current life space with energy and gusto. Doing this involves accepting the moments we feel discouraged but embracing the moments of peace, harmony and joy. In the end it may not resolve every bit of unmet longing and feeling of discouragement. But it can renew hope. And, thankfully, hope is where God lives.

Blessings,

Kirsten

~~ Linda
Cache' Connections

ONE FLAW IN WOMEN

2011-09-15T08:04:00.003-05:00

If I could be fired as a blogger, today might be my D-day. I admit I'm scurrying around the house getting ready to entertain guests in my home tonight. Ladies, you know how that goes. Race out of bed, go through your normal daily necessities and then add on a little cooking, cleaning, straightening. Then you go to work and you come home and you do some more cooking, cleaning and straightening. It's 8:00 a.m. and I already feel like I've put 8 hours of work in ... but enough about me.

Today's post is about women. I freely admit that this is one of those nuisance emails that gets forwarded, although I didn't detect a threat of bodily injury or curses if you do not forward it. It just reminded me how special and adaptable God made women. Sometimes we need to pat ourselves on the back and appreciate each other a little bit more, don't you agree? And to the men: this is the kind of helpmate God has in mind for you - what a gift! So here goes nothing:

Women have strengths that amaze men....

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in…

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally..

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they

think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what

makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their

family and friends.

Women have vital things to say

and everything to give..

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Please pass this along to all your women friends and relatives to remind them just how amazing they are…

One last aside, the phrase "makes the world keep turning" brings a smile to my face because my 21 year old son actually said that it's women like me who keep the world spinning around. It's nice to be appreciated. So go tell someone how much they have blessed your life, and keep on being a blessing for the glory of God.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

"How Can I Be Sure She Is the Right One for Me?"

2011-09-13T06:30:00.007-05:00

On the surface it sounds like a very fair question. When in a dating relationship that is getting serious, single males and females will fret, poll, stall, pray and count daisies to determine if their special someone is indeed their special someone.

I was reading on this topic from 2 different directions this week. First, it was part of a blog written by Sarah Jennings at Crosswalk.com. Second, it was mentioned in the book I'm reading titled, "Get Married. What Women Can Do To Help It Happen." Both writers point out that this question is directed at self. It is a selfish question.

Ms. Jennings was writing about the popular show, "The Bachelor." She wrote: In his book Love & Responsibility, Fr. Wojtyla explains these perplexing relationship failures. He explains that this notion that we're supposed to find someone to "complete us" is off course. You see, when we date a person with the primary goal of experiencing pleasure - or a sense of "fulfillment" - we're actually using that person. Sure, we may like the person. But we're still using them as a means to our end, our pleasure. And using a person is the opposite of loving them.

Not only does using a person fail to nurture true love, but Fr. Wojtyla insists that the "pleasure approach" is impractical because it is very difficult to predict who will bring us the maximum amount of personal pleasure long-term (I think the Bachelors would agree here!). Thus begins the cycle of serial monogamy as we hop from one high to the next.

So how do we find true love if we can't just look for the person who gives us the biggest high? It's not that we shouldn't enjoy our mates. Quite the contrary. But we need to start off on a different foot. Fr. Wojtyla shares that true love finds its beginnings when two human beings make a free will commitment to a good, the greatest good being God. He writes, "Love... is conditioned by the common attitude of people towards the same good, which they choose as their aim, and to which they subordinate themselves."

Why does this work? In joining another for good, the focus becomes less, "What can you do for me?" (which is self-centered) to "What can we do together to serve God?"

And that's basically what author Candice Watters wrote. She quoted pastor Michael Lawrence's article titled, "Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend." He wrote, The question frames the entire decision-making process in fundamentally self-oriented - if not downright selfish - terms. And it puts the woman on an extended trial to determine whether or not she meets your needs, fits with your personality, and satisfies your desires. It places you at the center of the process, in the role of a window-shopper, or consumer at a buffet. In this scenario you remain unexamined, unquestioned, and unassailable - sovereign in your tastes and preferences and judgments.

Couldn't have said it better myself! So, it's not so much about you, male or female. (Think opening line of The Purpose Driven Life.) It's about what the two of you can do together to fulfill your purposes here on earth.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

When the sky-high feelings start to wear off - then what?

2011-09-12T07:02:00.004-05:00

Falling in love ... there is nothing like it. I hope everyone who is reading this has experienced the natural high that new love brings. At Cache' Connections, we've talked about it before - the sky is bluer, the air is sweeter, and your honey is simply a magnet that you can't pull yourself away from. These are actually brain chemicals working overtime for the first three or so months of a new love. Then reality sets in. Things gradually come down to normal and you start finding a few flaws in your beloved. You begin wondering if you've been duped or made a big mistake ...

A Facebook friend recently wrote to me:
Question: I have a friend who fell in love and after a month they are planning the wedding in November. I asked her if she has had any issues in the relationship. She said no, she is stuck on cloud 9 and I believe is blinded by this. Is it possible to find someone that clicks with you that well? I also have a theory that if there is that much happiness, that there could be equally that much anger hiding in the background building up to a bad situation. I feel like she is really rushing things.

My reply:
They are high on love drugs - endorphines, etc.. These start to wear off at 3 mos., then more at 6 mos., etc. They are definitely foolishly rushing things, but at least have til Nov. to realize each other is not perfect. Not sure about your theory ...Linda

We've said it before and we'll say it again. It takes T-I-M-E to learn if the two of you have what it takes to form a lasting marriage relationship. Life happens. Patterns and quirks are revealed. Family members play a part - as do hormones, history, career and other dramas of life.

Here's what one wise pastor said to a young lady who was upset to discover those sky-high feelings had begun to wane:

"Relationships ebb and flow. What's important is that this guy carries the qualities and characteristics of the godly man you've been waiting for."

With the divorce rates so high and so many broken adult children of divorce walking around in this country, why would you risk rushing into a marriage? Is love really that blind? And then on the opposite side, we have "serial daters" who are addicted to those chemical highs and drop out of sight when they start to wear off.

More on this topic tomorrow.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Dating - Dancing - Redefining

2011-09-09T10:35:00.002-05:00

That's what we're up to at Cache' Connections, and we invite you to join us!

~DATING:
It's what we're all about - in a healthy, biblical manner that's pleasing to God. So if you are committed to connecting with other Christian singles, we invite you to check out Cache' Connections for a free two-week trial (new members) or join in at our special rate for September, which is 50% off of a Six Month subscription. You pay $49.98. Promo code: Sept2011 CLICK HERE for more info.

~DANCING:
Join Chicagoland singles on September 17th for group dance lessons!

Saturday, 9/17
Fred Astaire Dance Studios
2356 W. Higgins Road
Hoffman Estates, IL 60169
7:00 - 9:30 pm
The experts at Fred Astaire are trained and ready to show you a good time, whether you are a seasoned dancer or new to the dance floor.

~REDEFINING:
Kim and Linda met with Peoria, IL area pastors and singles leaders last week to unfold our plan for an area-wide singles group to be called "Christian Dating Redefined." This will be a ministry that crosses denominational walls and provides sound relationship advice along with a lot of connection possibilities in local areas. The meetings will be led by volunteers. The consensus of the Peoria area leaders was that "This is a no-brainer. I'm thrilled that Cache' Connections can meet a need that we, as a church, simply cannot meet at this time." Please consider approaching your church about hosting such a group and contact us for more information.

OTHER EVENTS:

~Friday Nights
Open Chat ... for all Cache' Connections members
The Meeting Room
7:00 - 9:00 pm CST

~Saturday, 10/1
Cache' Quick Introductions
Fireside Cafe - West Side Christian Church
Springfield, IL

~Sunday, 10/2
Chat with Expert Emily
Topic: Boundaries in Dating
The Meeting Room
7:30 - 8:30 pm CST

~Friday, 10/14
Cache' Connections Speed Dating and Expo
United Methodist Life Center
Moline, IL
7 - 10:00 pm

Check the EVENTS TAB often and feel free to contact us with questions.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Wondering if you are called to be single?

2011-09-07T06:58:00.006-05:00

We believe there is a lot of confusion on the gift of singleness. Many singles who are coming up short in their quest for a love relationship sit back and ponder the question, "Am I called to remain single?"

Ponder no more! We've come across a pretty clear description of this gift in Candice Watters' new book titled, " Get Married - What Women Can Do to Help It Happen." Not surprisingly, Candice points to the Apostle Paul's teachings on spiritual devotion in celibacy, quoting 1 Corinthians 7:34: "The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband." It's important to realize that Paul also warned young widows who pledge themselves to celibate service may later find themselves wanting to break that pledge because of their sensual desires.

Worth noting is that the gift of singleness is not about:

a) self-centerdness
b) not being able to find/attract a mate
c) not being able to make a lifelong commitment to one person

The gift of singleness/celibacy is about is whole-hearted service to the Lord.

Candice writes: "Surveying the overarching themes of Paul's writings, it's clear that he believed an unmarried woman has the potential to serve the kingdom in a greater way, but if she is not gifted to overcome her vulnerability to sexual temptation and idleness, it is better for her to marry and serve God in marriage.

If you believe you can forgo marriage and its benefits - sex, children, companionship - and be fully expended in serving the Lord, you likely have the gift of celibacy, and many blessings would confer on you for living the life of selfless service to God. If, however, you frequently notice your sex drive and find it makes you vulnerable to temptation, and if you find it difficult to avoid idleness in order to have what Paul calls 'undistracted devotion to the Lord,' then you're called to marry. Marriage is not a compromise. It is not a spiritually inferior path. It's what God is calling you to be for your good and His glory."

We definitely recommend that gals and guys grab a copy of this book to take a deeper look into the virtues of marriage and what might be called "the state of non-union" in today's society and more importantly, what you might be able to do about it.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

86% of American singles want to be married someday

2011-09-06T07:24:00.004-05:00

I'm reading a great book by Candice Watters (Focus on the Family) titled "Get Married - What Women Can Do to Help it Happen. In her book, Candice points out some ways that women, men and the Church need to change their thinking about marriage and how to "marry well."

Marriage is a good thing - God created it! No one needs to be ashamed of this longing for companionship that God laid on your heart. Candice encourages women to be more outspoken about this desire to marry. One thing singles hear often is something like this: Just stop looking/wait on God/be content in your singleness. However, men especially are encouraged to find a wife in Proverbs 18:22:

"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." How do you find something? By proactively looking for it. Candice points out that "A majority of singles in the churches are in a state of transition, and they still need the support of the local church in marrying well."

She goes on to say, "Such support is not only practical, but biblical. The role of the body is to encourage young men and women - all those who aren't specially gifted for celibate service - toward marriage. That includes more than mere words. It means practical advice for marrying well. In Titus 2:4-5, Paul instructs the older women to teach the younger women how to live godly lives. Specifically, 'to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.' It only makes sense that if the young women are having trouble finding husbands in the first place, the older women have a vital rose to play in helping them marry well." CLICK HERE to read more and watch videos about this book and Candice Watters' ministry.

Hmmm ... where do we find these older women of the church who want to be matchmakers??

Tomorrow we will take a look at the calling to be single. Probably far too many singles are confused about this issue.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Great Relationship Assessment Tool from Focus on the Family

2011-09-02T07:33:00.003-05:00

At Cache' Connections, we love helping people make better decisions about how they handle their relationships. Just the other night, a Facebook friend asked for advice on how to determine her boyfriend's intentions. Although he had stated that he wanted to marry her, he has not said anything else or done anything about moving forward in that direction.

DTR - Define The Relationship. If you are not familiar with this phrase, it's a common one in the area of dating. I came across this great article from Focus on the Family's Boundless Webzine titled, "Do You Have More Connection Than Clarity?" It even includes a nifty little assessment tool that will help you see where you stand with your "friend," and then send you an email with some sound advice. Here's part of that article:

DTR Assessment

Do you have a relationship with more connection than clarity?

When a guy and a girl have some level of attraction or chemistry, they often begin to demonstrate evidence of a growing connection. They spend time together. They begin opening up. They begin to show care for each other. They may show affection through touch or things they say or write.

But what does that evidence mean? Things that implied a promising relationship in another day are often just perks expected of a good friendship today. Additionally, many couples at various stages in their relationship now connect in ways that only engaged or married couples did in other times. begin the assessment!

Have you had a friendship or relationship develop to a point where there really seems to be something between you only to find yourself wondering where the momentum went — wondering if you're stuck or even losing ground?

It's the imbalance between the evidence of connection and clarity that can create anxiety in a relationship. Someone who feels a strong connection growing with another person but doesn't know his or her status with that person may feel vulnerable and maybe even taken advantage of.

When the evidence of connection greatly exceeds clarity, it's helpful for couples to have a "define the relationship" talk commonly known as a "DTR." This is a conversation between two people dating or contemplating dating to discuss where the relationship is heading. It can be as simple as, "Are we a couple or are we just friends attracted to each other," to "Is my boyfriend of 3 years thinking about marriage at all?"

DTRs can be scary. Done too soon (before a relationship has had some time to develop naturally) they can convey desperation and push the other person away. But they can also be done too late. People who don't want to mess up the delicate dance of a relationship may put off a DTR as long as possible. They might prefer to just enjoy their connection and hope for the best from each other rather than going through the awkward process of asking what their connection means in terms of exclusivity and the future.

We strongly encourage those who are in a dating relationship to read the rest of this article and take the assessment. Most folks who are over the age of 30 or so don't have time to waste on relationships that are heading nowhere. DTR!

CLICK HERE to read the article and take the assessment.

Have a great weekend!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

What would you do?

2011-08-31T08:08:00.003-05:00

A single friend of ours was asked out for a dinner date by a neighbor. This is someone she doesn't really know very well; she has no idea if he is a Christian or not. No references, no profile, no common friends, no experience working with him. So when he asked her out, she wasn't quite sure what to say. Does she bluntly ask him if he is a follower of Christ? Does she agree to go out with him and share about her faith over dinner?

This is a common occurrence that many singles run into - at the ballpark, the pool, the grocery store, maybe even at church. After all, sitting in church doesn't make you a Christian, just like sitting in a garage doesn't make you a car, as Joyce Meyer says.

Our friend agreed to go out on a date. In thinking what our experts would suggest, perhaps a coffee date or walk would be more appropriate, giving them a chance to get to know some basics on each other before committing to a "real" date that involves more expense, time, and possible angst.

I know what Cloud and Townsend would say, and I think I know what Joshua Harris would recommend, but what do you do in similar circumstances?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

New Recommended Read: Head Over Heels

2011-08-30T07:29:00.005-05:00

Head Over Heels, How to Fall in Love and Land On Your Feet, recently written by Dr. James Dobson, offers a practical guide to love - clearly defining what it is and what it isn't. This would be a great read for couples who are considering marriage, those newly married, and those married for some time who want to deepen their understanding of love and strengthen their marriage. Dr. Dobson is an American evangelical Christian author, psychologist, and founder in 1977 of Focus on the Family, and current President of Family Talk.

While we have not yet read the book, Dr. Dobson has such a great history of writing practical books on Christian parenting and relationships, this one also has to be a winner. And since pre-marriage books are few and far between, we are thrilled to see this is now available.

Here's a description:
Dr. Dobson wants those who are looking for love to understand the myths vs. the reality of emotions. Head Over Heels includes a one-of-a-kind "What Do You Believe About Love? Quiz" to help readers separate fact from fiction. With gentle frankness, engaging and personal stories and biblical relevance, he discusses the joy and beauty of sex in marriage and the destruction and heartbreak that sex outside of marriage inevitably brings to hearts, minds, and bodies. There is also an easy-to-use discussion guide section with questions and Scripture references for personal or group study. Do you want insight on how Dr. James and Mrs. Shirley Dobson's marriage has continued to thrive after more than 50 years - despite life's ups and downs? Don't miss Dr. Dobson's heart-warming letter to his beloved wife, Shirley.

And here's a quote on the topic of love at first sight:
"Real love, in contrast to popular notions, is an expression of the deepest appreciation for another person; it is an intense awareness of his or her needs and longings for the past, present and future. It is unselfish and giving and caring. And believe me, these are not attitudes one "falls" into at first sight, as though tumbling into a ditch."

You can get your copy for the suggested donation of $15 by calling Family Talk at 877-732-6825 or by ordering online at familytalk.org.

Blessings,
Linda
Cache' Connections

CC's Largest Speed Dating Event Ever!

2011-08-29T07:11:00.006-05:00

What do you do when you plan on 45 people to participate in speed dating, then approximately 45 additional people walk in and want to play? PUNT!

That's what happened Friday night at the Cache' Connections Christian Dating Redefined Conference and Expo in Barrington Hills. True to their nature, many singles did not register for the speed dating event that was added later in the planning phases, although the web page and each of the four emails sent last week asked people to pre-register. It turned out that literally everyone wanted to participate, much to our surprise. So while I was busy emceeing the stage time, Kim was frantically configuring the speed dating. After hearing Dr. Simpson talk about the importance of being authentic in dating, I told the guests, "I'm going to be authentic with you. Because many of you didn't pre-register for speed dating, we're short on waivers, connection cards, and tables. But we have decided to work everyone in the best we can, so that everyone can play!"

So we scrounged up some 3 x 5 cards for connection cards and started placing people into groups. It turned out to be pretty casual as we rounded up all the guests in the middle of the expo area and had them stand around tall tables for the introductions - no time to sit down and stand up!

There were some experienced CC speed daters, along with some first-timers. Here are a few comments we heard from the guests who braved Friday night's speed dating activity:

"It was a lot of fun ~ you should think about having these more often! :)"

"It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be."

"I thought I'd give it a shot since everyone else is."

Despite a few bumps, the event was a huge success. The guests enjoyed visiting the vendors and signing up for prizes and engaging in games such as "most kissable lips contest" and a yo-yo contest. There were proper oooohh's, aaahhhh's, nods and chuckles during the showing of the Christian Dating Redefined DVD, and guests were very encouraged when Cache' Couple Lisa and Les gave a short talk about how they connected through the website and are now in an intentional dating relationship. Thanks Lisa and Les for braving this challenge! Your simple story really did encourage some members and future members.

What's most exciting about these events is actually rather subtle ... it's the small groups of people who continue to stand around and chat while we are packing up. They can't quite bare to leave and maybe haven't gotten up the nerve to make plans or exchange contact information. Sometimes we see a new duo walking out together :) We pray for possible connections, and congratulate all the new comers for stepping out to the "unknown." You survived!

Have a great week!

~Linda
Cache' Connections
(photo is not actually from this event)

Dating as a Single Parent

2011-08-25T07:02:00.004-05:00

Today's blog is from the Crosswalk.com Singles blog, authored by Cliff Young & Laura MacCorkle. Dating as a single is a common, yet complex issue. Single moms and dad would be wise to take the following advice:

QUESTION: As a single parent, is it better to seek out partners who have children or those without? And how long should I wait until introducing them to my children, even if they seem like "the one" and are eager to meet them?

HE SAID: I cannot answer from the standpoint of a single parent, since I don’t have children, but I have dated single moms and have learned from friends who are.

Whether to seek out a partner who has children or one without is dependent upon you and the one you meet. Nowadays, it’s easy to place people in categories (i.e. Single parent, Single, Divorced, 40’s, etc.) and generalize. Oftentimes, when we actually get to know a person we find out they are quite different from the characterization we have placed on them.

The same goes for single parents. To seek out another single parent believing that person would better understand your situation or have the “qualifications” of being a parent may be true, but it may not be for that person you meet.

In the same way, to write off all singles without children because they can’t know what it’s like to raise a child alone may be a correct assumption; however, that person may have grown up in a single parent family and knows it from another side.

I would encourage you (and all singles) to be open-minded about whom you meet, and allow God to make the determination of what is “best” in your case. In other words, don’t limit your prospects.

Determining when to introduce your prospective mate to your children is a very important decision to make as a single parent.

At the outset of the relationship, when you are just casually dating, there is no need for them to meet each other. Your date should know you have children and your children, should they ask, only needs to know you are going out with a friend, which is the truth.

Until you are in a committed relationship, you should refrain from allowing a connection to begin between that person and your child. Doing so would only add more confusion and disruption to an already difficult childhood, especially if things don’t work out.

When both of you see your relationship leading toward a serious commitment, that is the time to introduce each other to one another, as well as have dates collectively and alone. Those outings with your children would be best if geared more toward them rather than yourselves (i.e. a park or zoo date instead of a romantic quiet dinner).

It is imperative to ensure all of you are compatible and for your prospective mate to experience your children in as many “normal” situations as possible prior to marriage. It’s also important to allow ample time for your children to acclimate to the idea they may have a new “parent” and is something that shouldn’t be rushed into. That person must be right for you and for your children.

Along those lines, to singles who are dating or may be dating a single parent, please keep in mind and encourage your date to place “parenthood” first and “single” second. A single parent may want to put more emphasis on their “new” relationship rather than on their child’s. Don’t pressure them into doing so nor allow them to. They are a parent first.

In addition, don’t seek to start a relationship with the children until you are absolutely willing to follow through with a commitment to their parent in the location which is most conducive to the children. In many instances, children are moved away from the other involved biological parent based solely on the desires of the couple without much consideration given for the children.

For all singles, a dating relationship with a single parent is not the same as two singles and a conscious effort must be made to minimize any negative effects on the children involved.

SHE SAID: Since I’m not a parent, I have no idea what it must be like to decide how to go about dating when you’re single with children. I’m sure you’re struggling with wanting to do the right thing for your children, but also desirous of a relationship with someone which could hopefully lead to marriage.

So I think this situation requires first doing some interior work. I’m assuming that you are ready to start dating at this point. And that means you have had the time you need to heal from your prior relationship (with the other parent of your children). You have taken the time to process what you’ve learned from that experience and have been able to see where you need to make changes going forward—both in yourself and in what you’re looking for in someone to date.

I believe that each relationship is allowed by God in our lives to grow us—whether they be painful experiences or not. And I’ve had both, as I’m sure you have had as well. While it still hurts to look back at the ones that didn’t end well, I know that I must inspect these areas of my relationship history (some of them I would consider wounds that have not fully healed) in order to better understand myself and why I made the relationship decisions and/or mistakes that I did. CLICK HERE to read the rest of Laura's advice.

To connect with Christian singles like yourself, check out Cache' Connections!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

How to detect a "cheater" from Expert Emily's chat

2011-08-22T06:57:00.005-05:00

One of our favorite relationship experts, "Expert Emily" Shupert from Atlanta, GA is back from a summer break, leading a monthly chat at Cache' Connections. Here are some recaps of the chat held last night:

Emily: So glad to be back! Here to help you with your dating questions :)

Chatter: I am not sure why I attract the wrong men. I sometimes wonder if their is something subconsciously that I do that attracts men who are prone to cheating, etc.. Is their a "type" of women that cheaters prefer and I don't realize it?

Emily: I'm so sorry to hear this miranda! That sounds so painful. Let's look at the patterns in your dating to see what might be going on. First, how do you get to know the dates...where do you meet them? Do you meet their friends? Are their friends quality in their character and share the same beliefs?

Chatter: Most of them I have met through work or work friends.

Emily: Do they share the same values as you? Ispeaking of the friends as well as the dates)

Chatter: I believe my work friends do and even the cheaters have the same values (minus the cheating value).

Emily: Ok, so I often look at the big picture. If someone lives with integrity, they Must have community of strong believers doing life with them on a consistent basis. These are friends who keep them accountable, ask the hard questions, and offer counsel. Many times people do things such as cheating when they are living in isolation...not social isolation but community isolation. They don't have older, wiser mentors, godly counsel, or Christian brothers and sisters encouraging them to build character and act with integrity. I often encourage folks to have at least 3 "board members" in their life who know (collectively) where they are spiritually, emotionally, financially, etc. This allows individuals to bounce ideas off their community and make sure that they are moving forward in strength and character versus living in isolation where they can often rationalize Anything! I also make sure that these individuals live transparent lives...where what they say and what they do match up 100%. This requires time to see if the guy or girl is really who they say they are. Truth and time walk hand in hand so it's important to see if they are living out their lives in integrity like they say they are.

This also means that as a date, you pace the relationship so that you can see the character (actions) and the words match up. A lot of people jump into a relationship from zero to 100% in intensity and find out that the person they thought they were dating isn't really the person they are dating. Miranda, there are several psychological reasons for why people cheat but I couldn't say for each person unless I met with them, knew them, and was working with the full picture. However, we can see the themes that are present or lacking in these situations so that you are making wise choices. Second question....how intense are your relationships with these guys and how quickly do you get serious in the relationship?

Chatter: The first cheater, I have to admit, I made that relationship super intense early on and was naive about believing lies. The second cheater, I'm not really sure what happened there.

Emily: How long were you dating and how serious did it get in the first 3 months?

Chatter: The first one, I look back and I don't think we were dating. He never took me anywhere in public. That lasted for about a year, until one of his many girlfriends sent me an email. The second one, we were together over 3 years.

Emily: Ok, that is a great example...the fact that the dating was done in isolation...kind of shady. I think that meeting a guy's family, friends, mentors, etc is crucial! You need to see how he treats others and who he really is outside of the date. How about the second guy?

Chatter: With the first one I know I was being naive, but I dismissed things because he introduced me to his children and we were always around his children. The second guy a few of his friends knew about me.

Emily: Did they say anything, did you hang out with them a lot in social situations?

Chatter: The friends never said anything, I found out through my own detective work.

Emily: I know that these are a lot of questions, but sometimes helps to know all the facts in order to find the common denominators. Ok, so they didn't say anything....do you know if they knew?

Chatter: I'm pretty sure they knew.

Emily: were his friends people you respected?

Chatter: No, not really.

Emily: Ok, see...that is Huge!!!! There is a proverbs that says, "he who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm" You can tell who someone is by who they do life with. Even if he says he believes the same thing and has integrity, if his friends are not respectable, then you can just take that as a Big red flag. Hope this helps. I would also look at maybe dating people who are in your friend circle already, small group, cache, etc or somewhere where you are seeing folks who you can see are sharing similar values. The question about cheating hits on several levels...sometimes it's a certain type of date....sometimes even a "safe" type that individuals unconsciously seek out because they fear commitment. All to say, it's a bit more than we can look at 100% on chat but I'd encourage you to get some feedback as well from friends, guy friends, etc who can help see some of your dating "blind spots."

Mark your calendars for Expert Emily's next chat on Sunday night, October 2, 2011. CLICK HERE for access info!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

One week until the CDR Conference and Expo in Northern Chicagoland!

2011-08-20T07:08:00.002-05:00

Next Friday, August 26th, singles in the northern Chicagoland area and beyond will gather for the "Christian Dating Redefined" Conference and Expo taking place at The Chapel in Barrington Hills.

"Christian Dating Redefined" is the title to the Cache' Connections DVD featuring Dr. Stephen W. Simpson, and it's also the message or movement that we are boldly taking across the country. It's time to end the confusion about Christian dating and embrace an approach that is biblically sound and packed with authenticity. Get ready to kiss the confusion and game playing goodbye! To view the trailer and order your own copy of the DVD, click here. We'll be viewing 3 chapters at the conference, and guests will enjoy the games, challenges and prizes offered by several vendors.

Interested in singles events in your area? Don't forget that the CDR Program is available for your church to embrace. Just contact us to discuss and get started!

Here are some other events coming up, including a chat tonight:

*Friday Nights
Open Chat ... for all Cache' Connections members
The Meeting Room
7:00 - 9:00 pm CST

*Sunday, 8/21 (this date has changed from 9/11)
Chat with Expert Emily
Topic: Boundaries in Dating
The Meeting Room
7:30 - 8:30 pm CST

*Friday, 8/26
Christian Dating Redefined Conference and Expo
The Chapel
Barrington Hills, IL

*Sunday, 8/28
Cache' Quick Introductions
Basta Mangiare
Peoria, IL

*Saturday, 9/17
Cache' Connections Dance Lessons
Fred Astaire Dance Studios
Hoffman Estates, IL

*Friday, 10/14
Cache' Connections Expo and Speed Dating
United Methodist Life Church
Moline, IL

CLICK HERE for details on all events and to register!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

"Don't write someone off" too quickly, says this happy member

2011-08-18T11:23:00.003-05:00

We recently contacted one of our personalized clients who has been dating a Cache' Connections member that we suggested to her a few months ago. I was asking for an update, and she was happy to tell me their status and she also included some encouraging words for us, and for you. With her permission, here are her words. (The names have been removed to protect their privacy.)

Thanks for asking...yes, things have been going very well and ___ and I have been spending lots of time together and we are very serious about one another and have already been talking about a longer term future with one another and marriage. While we've been dating for close to 2 months, it has seemed like we have known each other longer. We connect on many levels including around our faith. Thanks for calling us to each other's attention because we may not have picked each other out left on our own entirely. We do want to take the time, of course, to prayerfully continue to get to know each other. It has been reassuring that our friends that know us well are supportive and approve of the match and we've met some of each other's closest friends in the area and have been attending each other's churches with each other and starting a weekly devotional time with each other (___'s idea--among the things I love about him!) Thanks for the prayers on our behalf individually and as a couple now!

Because of how you all with God's help have helped me to meet ___, I've been passing on information about Cache ... Despite the ultimate lack of success in previous attempts in my life to be proactive, I do feel it helped prepare me to be ready for the gift of ___ in my life and that I learned a great deal. I do encourage Christian singles, as God leads and helps them, to be open and to be proactive even if it means going a bit out of their comfort zone and risking in faith.

Perhaps in addition to what I've said already is that I started out with Cache ambivalent (and also tired and weary from previous proactivity and not sure what else to do and unable to afford or unwilling to afford personalized services and with low level of faith to want to invest in that) but willing to give it a shot for personalized services because it was a generous God-inspired gift from a friend AND for ___, I know you had conversation with him, because he was resigned that he might remain single but in conversation with him you asked him if he still thought about marriage and mentioned you didn't think God just had singleness in mind for him if he had thought about marriage.

Your having us consider each other when his profile didn't show up in my connections at first perhaps because of age cut off I set and calling attention to my profile with ___ really helped us get connected. I think I didn't have enough to go on in his profile with what he wrote and often photos don't fully capture a person...so I'd say for people to really give a chance to meeting people in person and to not just "write someone off" because of not enough info on what they wrote on profile, profile photos not being as attractive as you'd like or perhaps there being a little bit out of what one thought in terms of age range...

Well, couldn't have said it better myself! For more information on the Personalized Services or the Cache' Connections Mentoring Services, visit www.cacheconnections.com.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

How are Christian singles to view sex?

2011-08-15T13:26:00.002-05:00

Well there's a week-starting topic! We came across an article titled "Sex Everywhere" written by Candice Watters of Focus on the Family's Boundless Webzine. Candice answers a single's inquiry about how we are to think about sex, since it is a huge part of our culture. Her advice is suitable for marrieds folks, too:

DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS

What is the proper, God-honoring way to think about sex? I'm not talking fantasizing. I mean more in the fact that it's everywhere, so it obviously is thought about. And of course with the goal of marriage, you think of your future and again it pops into your head.

REPLY

Thanks for writing and asking about what’s overly obvious in our culture — sex — where it’s both everything and nothing. It’s everything in the way it’s been held up as an idol to worship and nothing in the way it’s been pulled down to trivial entertainment. And it’s not just singles who struggle to know how to think about sex in that environment. All believers, single and married, face the dilemma. How do you think rightly about sex, and how do you avoid thinking wrongly about it, when it’s both overblown and undervalued?

As ubiquitous as sexual images and themes are in our culture, the most obvious occurrences are distant from what God had in mind when He created us male and female, and told us to be fruitful and multiply. His design for sex, as explained in Genesis and reinforced throughout the Scriptures, is the one-flesh union between husband and wife within the covenant of life-long marriage. That’s rarely reflected on TV and movies, music or books, magazines or websites.

The biggest problem is two-fold: It isn’t just that the sex we see all around us is contrary to and violates God’s design, but also that it can stir us up and tempt us to want to have it in that contrary way. And as you’ve wisely noticed, how we think about it has everything to do with how we end up acting on it; “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7).

How you think about sex while single will set patterns for how you think about it once married. That’s important because it’s just as sinful to think lustfully before marriage as it is after. The ability to have sex legitimately doesn’t eliminate the temptation to sin sexually. Developing the spiritual muscles of self-control, of guarding your thought-life, will be a tremendous blessing to your spouse and will help guard your marriage.

It’s not that you can’t think sexual thoughts about your spouse – on the contrary. It’s just that thinking sexually about a specific person to whom you’re joined by covenant is starkly different from the sorts of random, generic, hormonal thoughts that assault the mind during racy TV commercials and steamy romance movies and novels (not to mention pornography). The former takes you out of yourself for the benefit of the other. The latter is all about self-gratification.

So what to do about the assault of sex day-to-day: There’s a lot you can avoid by using media discernment, and that’s a powerful and empowering tool. (See www.pluggedin.com for more on this.) But like black birds that plague a farmer’s near-ripe crop, sexual images will swoop down at points unexpected and beyond your control. It’s in these moments that we’re dependent on the Holy Spirit’s promptings to look away, walk away, or in some cases – like Joseph with Potiphar’s wife – to run away. This pattern of flight flows from a heart that desires purity, to “be holy,” as God said, “because I am holy.” (1 Peter 1:16, Leviticus 11:44, 45; 19:2). CLICK HERE to read the rest of the article.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Abstinence outdated? Really? A member vents ...

2011-08-13T08:21:00.002-05:00

We received this email recently from a Cache' Connections member:

Hi Kim & Linda,

I need to vent!

I can't believe that there are so many Christians out there that say they can not commit to abstinence or that its outdated and an unrealistic expectation. REALLY? Outdated? Unrealistic? Then I guess that means that Gods word is outdated and unrealistic! I find this to be very disheartening along with those men out there that let themselves go physically and then expect to find a women that is in good physical shape. REALLY? Now to me THAT'S UNREALISTIC! These guys need to wake up. A good Christian woman like myself wants a good Christian man that is committed to living a sanctified life.

Comments?

~Linda
Cache' Connections

Trouble Signing Up for Until Married for $64.95?

2011-08-12T07:54:00.002-05:00

Many of you took advantage of the amazing special yesterday that was good only through midnight, but several people contacted us stating they had difficulty signing up. Yes, the offer is INCREDIBLE! Only $64.95 for the Until Married membership. That is one payment of $64.95 until you meet your special someone. We have NEVER had such a low price at Cache' Connections!

And since so many were unable to take advantage of the offer because of computer problems or difficulty processing the transaction, we are extending this offer until midnight tonight. As a reminder, here's how to sign up:

-New members- "Join Now" at www.cacheconnections.com and follow the sign up process
-Returning members: login to www.cacheconnections.com with your username and password
-fill in your billing information under "My Cache' Home" or "Billing Management"
-click "update billing profile" at the bottom of the screen
-click the orange letters under "Rebilling" that say " (continue to checkout - manually update subscription)"
-click on the Until Married subscription length
-enter the correct promo code: INCREDIBLE
-enter your ccv again
-click "process order" at the bottom of the page

Here's a few more tips:

*If you have forgotten your username - reply to this email and we'll be happy to help
*If you have forgotten your password, you can submit for a new one upon login or email us with the password you prefer and we reset it for you.
*If your credit card is declined, give us a call. Many banks and credit cards reject transactions from dating sites, but we can process your transaction securely, directly through the payment gateway.
*The offer is available to new or returning members

DO NOT HESITATE TO CALL THE NUMBER BELOW FOR ASSISTANCE! We're happy to help.

Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections
309-550-5580

About Dealmakers and Dealbreakers

2011-08-10T07:06:00.005-05:00

Some Cache' Connections members struggle when it comes to writing out what we call "dealmakers" and "dealbreakers" on their bio. To define, a dealmaker would be a quality or circumstance that would be extra nice - like the icing on the cake. A dealbreaker would be something that you absolutely cannot tolerate. It's funny how some people draw a blank on these things, and others use one line item (out of 5 possible) to double or triple up.

Below I've given samples of some common dealmakers and dealbreakers that we see on members' profiles. We often suggest that members go ahead and submit their profile before filling out this section, then take a look at some of their connections' 'makers and 'breakers, which will give them some ideas. Cache' Connections members can revise their profile at any time by revisiting My Questionnaire after logging into their account.

I'd like to add some recommendations on what we would NOT consider to be dealmakers and dealbreakers. If you are a Cache' Connections blog follower or member, you know that we always encourage members to keep an open mind and to let God lead. What's important to remember is that this is niche dating. Because you are committed to connecting to other believers, the "market" is already smaller than the market for those for whom this command (2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers...) is not important. So when I hear a member say that they did not consider a connection because, for instance, he drives a motorcycle or she travels a lot as a leisure activity, I have to shake my head in wonder. Really? Travel is a dealbreaker? If two believers meet and find a special connection or chemistry, isn't travel and motorcycle riding something that can be discussed and compromised? Just something to think about.

Sample Dealmakers:
1. loves kids, wants kids
2. kids are grown
3. spiritual leader, someone to pray with
4. takes good care of self: spiritually, emotionally, physically
5. someone taller than me
6. likes deep conversations
7. and let's not forget someone who can have fun going out on the town or simply staying in to watch a movie! (Sorry - I couldn't resist!)

Sample Dealbreakers:
1. not interested in being part of my kids' lives
2. negative attitude; lack of faith
3. smoker
4. lack of financial stability
6. someone who lies, cheats
7. couch potato
8. someone who is abusive, self-centered, addicted to drugs/alcohol ...

One final suggestion is to NOT use these precious line items addressing the same topic under both categories. For instance, if "loves kids" is a dealmaker, don't put "hates kids" under dealbreakers. That can be assumed and addressing different topics under both categories allows you more space to reveal your likes and "can't stands."

Praying all your dealmakers come true ...

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Two Free Weeks! (It really is totally free!)

2011-08-09T07:21:00.004-05:00

Just a reminder that Cache' Connections is offering a FREE TWO WEEK MEMBERSHIP to any new or inactive members through August 12th. This offer is entirely NO STRINGS ATTACHED and does not require any payment or credit card information. We would just like you to have an opportunity to experience what membership is like at Cache' Connections.

But here's the challenge - we are asking you to invite up to 5 FRIENDS OR MORE to join the website for free also. Please share this link with any and all Christian single friends and acquaintances, even if you're not sure if they're interested. Just imagine if you invited 5 friends and they invited 5 friends.... Not only would you be helping connect Christian singles across the country, you would be joining in a vision to send a message of healthy, biblically-based relationships to society. And it is very possible in helping someone else, you could be helping yourself. Because, if your friends invite their friends, maybe one of their friends is the perfect connection FOR YOU!

So before you get up from the computer, we urge you to take a minute or two and share this offer of two free weeks at cacheconnections.com to your friends recommending they consider joining and inviting their friends. Who knows what God has in store for those who are helping to spread his plan for relationships?

Here's how to receive your free two weeks:

*****NEW MEMBERS
-click Join Now
-agree or disagree to the basic four non-denominational faith statements
-fill out the sign up page on the Cache' Connections website at Cache' Connections with your name and email
-STOP when you get to the billing page
-CONTACT US from the website requesting your free two weeks

*****RETURNING MEMBERS
-- CONTACT US from the website requesting your free two weeks

If you have forgotten your login information, don't hesitate to email or call 309-550-5580. We're happy to help!

~Kim and Linda
Founders, Cache' Connections

Is it easier to meet singles at a small church or a larger church?

2011-08-07T19:27:00.006-05:00

This was the question of the day posted on Facebook on Friday. While the responses are somewhat predictable, what strikes me is that more than anything, these singles wanted to be heard:

Rick: small.

JoAnn: I don't think the size makes as much of a difference as much as whether or not they have a singles group or activities. If they do, that helps enormously.

Barbara: JoAnn nailed it!!!

Larry: easier to meet in a small church, but the selection can be limited.

Rian: Both for as long as single christians know where to go and meet. Like a meet & greet area with some snacks after the service would be nice. Then set a once a month dinner / activity for consistency.

Rick: Ok maybe but my church is pretty big with a good singles group but rarely meet anyone.

Cari: depends is they have a singles ministry or not : )

Tim: It seems that large churches "gatekeep" singles into age-distinct groups, which makes it hard if you are interested in someone younger or older.

Amy: I'd say large/larger church. I grew up in a small church and was either related to most of the people there, or just friends with the others.

John: Neither. Churches seem more concerned with keeping people apart rather than encouraging them to get married. The trend now is, if you are a Christian and want to meet someone, it won't be at a church.

Michael: Large.

Tim: I would say Neither, but also agree that the options would be greater in larger churches. I go to church (a large one in Springfield, IL) for teaching and fellowship in attending services, my Singles Sunday School class and its related activities (small groups, Friday night volleyball fellowship, etc.), and other church service projects with the intention of learning and fellowship, and serving God's Kingdom primarily. Although I yearn to meet someone, I don't go to church just solely to meet a woman. If it happens in a church-related setting, so be it as it is part of God's plan. I never want to do anything to make anyone else uncomfortable--so I feel I need to be careful and watch/respect others' boundaries particularly in church settings (but also elsewhere in public too). I guess I just want potential relationships to come naturally, as I have thought that those are the best kinds of relationships (rather than one party coming onto another).

It has been our finding that singles, by and large, do not attend smaller churches. Attending a larger church will afford more opportunities to meet singles if you get involved. Simply walking in and out of church and worshiping among hundreds or thousands is not an appropriate method for meeting people. Having a singles ministry is helpful, but there are always singles that do not attend such groups. So the key is to find a ministry that appeals to you, keep your eyes and mind open and see what connections you might make!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Half full or half empty?

2011-08-05T06:52:00.007-05:00

We've had a few challenging conversations with single people this week, reminding us that by and large we are dealing with a segment of society that is hurt, isolated and lonely, and many of them are dealing with some heavy life "stuff," such as being a single parent, joblessness, damaged self-esteem, etc. We pray daily for our Cache' Connections members and single friends who have crossed our paths.

Life can indeed be tough, especially this day and age. We all feel the ravages of the depressed economy. But as Christians, I'm so thankful that we always have hope because of what our precious Lord has done for us! "Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:4-6

Honestly, I could blog about negativity until Jesus returns. Today we will focus on two key ingredients to combat negativity: one is a positive attitude, the other is a thankful heart. Please consider some of these quotes and verses and ask yourself, "Is my glass half full or half empty?" If it's on the low side, what can I do to change that? It's been said that a man is more attracted to an average-looking female with a pleasant smile than a very attractive women without one.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:14-16

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." ~Winston Churchill

"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed." ~Attributed to both Jonathan Swift and Benjamin Franklin

"I don't like that man. I must get to know him better." ~Abraham Lincoln

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes." ~William James

As Christians, we can always find things and people in our lives for which we are thankful. Today and throughout the weekend I challenge you to ponder the positive, count your proverbial blessings, and see what new hope might spring up!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

A Long-Awaited Return to Northern Chicagoland!

2011-08-04T07:11:00.004-05:00

As you know, Chicagoland is so widespread that it is often thought of as a state instead of a metropolitan area. In fact, some of our friends in other states naturally assume that we live in Chicago, just because we live in Illinois ... and we just go with it :) Since the driving distance from one tip to the other of Chicagoland is over two hours, we have requests from the different points of the "Chicago compass" to hold Cache' Connections events in their particular areas.

We are happy to report that our friends in northern Chicagoland will have an opportunity to come out for a fun-filled night at the Cache' Connections Christian Dating Redefined Conference and Expo on Friday night, August 26, 2011. The event will be held at The Chapel - Barrington campus. This means that all of our friends from The Chapel, Willow Creek, Life Changers, Harvest Bible, and other surrounding churches can come together with Christian singles to enjoy this unique night of fun and fellowship, with just the right amount of dating advice thrown in for good measure.

There's lots in store for this night, including plenty of socializing, games, prizes and challenges afforded by several area vendors, a viewing of the Cache' Connections Christian Dating Redefined DVD, refreshments and more socializing! Here's the schedule:

Schedule:
7:00 - Cache Connections Expo
8:10 - Cache Connections Welcome
8:15 - Icebreaker Activity
8:20 - Christian Dating Redefined - DVD featuring Dr. Stephen W. Simpson
9:15 - Vendor Prizes and Refreshments

Our thanks to The Chapel Singles ministry for helping to support this event, and to all of our great sponsors! You can CLICK HERE for a list of sponsors, more details and to sign up for this event. See you up there!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Dealing with Serial Daters in Your Church

2011-08-03T07:08:00.004-05:00

Today's blog is taken from Boundless Webzine, a website of Focus on the Family. Author Candice Watters offers some strict advice for a single woman inquiring about serial daters in her church, as well as advice for the church. This is a widespread issue that is often overlooked.

DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS

There are several guys in my church who are known as "serial daters." They have dated several women I know, and have left broken hearts in their wake. My question is twofold: Should the church leadership address this, and how?

Also, if one of these guys were to pursue me, how should I handle it? Should I ask about their intentions right off the bat? On one hand, I understand that people may need to date several people before getting married, but on the other hand, I don't want to waste time with someone who will never commit.

REPLY

Yes, the church should address this and, in another day, likely would have. Depending on where you go, it's possible they might. It's called church discipline and there are still some churches that practice it. I'm aware of an affiliation of biblically sound churches that includes church discipline as one of the "Nine Marks" of a biblical church.

According to the 9Marks website, "church discipline is the whole complex of teaching, preaching, structures, practices, and censures which clarifies acceptable behavior from that which is unacceptable for members of a local church." Drawing its authority from Scripture (Hebrews 12:5-11, Matthew 18:15-17, James 2:14-26, 1 Corinthians 5:1-13, 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15, 1 Timothy 1:20, 1 Timothy 5:19-20, Titus 3:10-11), church discipline includes both positive and negative elements. On the negative side is "warning, rebuke, admonition and excommunication." On the positive is "teaching, preaching, modeling, discipling, even implementing biblical structures of accountability in the church."

In the case of these "serial daters," I suspect church discipline might take the form of an elder or other leader approaching these young men and talking to them about the way their dating habits are defrauding the young women in the church. They might then let them know what the church expects of them: that they stop serial dating and instead, prayerfully focus on one woman with the goal being marriage. This process would be under the oversight of this or another leader or a mature Christian couple in the church.

Such top-down influence on the dating and mating habits of single men is rarely seen in our present day nearly-anything-goes, individualistic church culture. How your church handles this will say a lot about your church.

Among believers, dating relationships should be conducted with clear intentions (determining the couple's suitability for marriage), in a timely manner (no dating indefinitely for recreation alone), with oversight (either from the woman's parents or surrogate parent[s]) and with purity (no sexual activity before the wedding).

Sadly dating relationships rarely are. That doesn't mean, however, that you can't follow this biblical model on your own. Granted, it's not your job to discipline, but to guard your own heart with wisdom. You can require all of the above of any man who expresses interest in pursuing a romantic relationship with you — the serial daters included.

CLICK HERE to read the rest of the article.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Long Distance Connection

2011-08-02T07:20:00.007-05:00

Today's blog is a testimonial from a couple who were connected through Cache' Connections Arranged Date Services in May, 2011. This is a perfect example of "thinking outside of the box," even for us. When Kim was searching for a potential date for Bob, she mentioned Jyl. I said, "Really? They are over 2 hours away." I felt it was a longshot but gave the nod. The rest, as they say, is history in the making. Jyl and Bob write:

We received “the call” from Kim last April. Would we be interested in meeting on a blind date? There was one important fact that we needed to know – one of us lives in Chicago and the other in Peoria. Why not? ... nothing ventured, nothing gained ... and with Cache Connections we knew God was watching out for us! We arranged to meet for dinner in Joliet on Saturday, May 21. It wasn’t exactly half way between Chicago and Peoria but it would do for now. Our dinner and conversation lasted four hours and we agreed to meet again.

For our next date, we decided that Starved Rock State Park was more centrally located. For our second date we hiked a bit in the park then went for pizza. On subsequent dates we have taken the trolley ride through the park and spent a day fishing. We have also explored nearby Utica and found a movie theater in Peru.

Though we have separate lives in Chicago and Peoria, and histories that go with those lives, we have found that meeting at Starved Rock or nearby has given us new experiences that we can share as a couple. We look forward to spending time together each week and talking on the phone every day. Long distance works for us and we pray that you don’t pass up a connection because of distance. You just need to find a place like we found “our place.”

Stay tuned…more to come!

For information on Cache' Connections' Arranged Blind Date Services, CLICK HERE.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

This is the God Who Redeems

2011-08-01T07:25:00.003-05:00

Today's blog post is taken from the weekly group that fasts and prays on Mondays for singles desiring marriage. To subscribe, click here.

Hi Fast.Pray. Friends--

This is our last Monday fasting and praying until September. We are fasting and praying for good marriages for those who long to be married and for the courage for men and women to become more marriageable--to be willing to change where we each need to change. If you can, fast during what would be lunch. And if at all possible, find a friend with whom you can pray.

For the last two weeks, we've talked about envy. Judging from the comments, the discussion has hit home. We're glad because none of us wants to be indwelt by the green-eyed monster! But we're also glad because, more broadly, the purpose of this blog is to help women (and our few, brave male subscribers) know ever more deeply that 1) you are not alone in your struggles and desires and that 2) there IS a bigger picture, framed and indwelt our by an actively present, loving God. In other words: our longings (and sin & aches) matter AND God is at work for big purposes, right where we are. Each week when Anne (McCain) Brown and I pray by cell phone, we pray that God would multiply the power of the prayers of the fast.pray. subscribers in personal and cultural ways that are wildly disproportionate to our numbers. "Do beyond what we can ask or imagine, Lord!" we pray almost weekly.

When we kick back off this fall, there are some other sub-topics we want to touch on: s@xuality, lust, relational mistakes & wounds, friendships & community, more people (& men in particular) entering God's kingdom, and--always--embracing the journey of faith. But, as we go into August, let's go remembering who this God is before whom we fast and pray. Because at the end of the day, our triune God is the center of his people's hopes, longings, purpose, freedom, strength, healing, joy..... This is the God who redeems...

* He is always with us and everything He has is ours. (Luke 15:31)
* He calls us to practice today what we he has revealed to us so far. (Luke 6:46)
* He see us and his heart goes out to us. (Luke 7:13)
* He honors our faith. (Luke 8:48)
* He can set us free from that which binds us. (Luke 13:16)
* His heart can be filled with compassion towards us. (Luke 15:20)
* He knows anguish (Luke 22:44) even as he knows how to throw a party (Luke 15:23 & 24)
* He loves for us to keep knocking & asking, filled with faith (Luke 18:1ff)

These are some of my favorite attributes about our God. There are so many more. Take some time in August to meditate on Him. And eat some ice cream, exhale whenever possible, and play with some of the people you love. Meanwhile, feel free to post your thoughts throughout the month, and we'll look forward to reconnecting come September.

Many Blessings, Connally

Have a great week!
~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Be With Cache' Connections on the Cutting Edge

2011-07-29T10:56:00.003-05:00

You are going to want to be in the "right place at the right time." Summer is admittedly a slower time of year for online dating, but as we flip our calendars to August, most of us are ready to slip into a more normal routine.

But what does normal have to do with Cache' Connections? We continue to blaze a trail that revolutionizes Christian dating, and we are working on a new model that looks very promising, as it will be attractive to the Church as well as provide social and relationship needs and desires of Christian singles. We ask you to be in prayer with us as we perfect this plan for major expansion.

Don't forget there are just a few days left for the August special, which is THREE MONTHS for the price of ONE, which is $29.95. Save $35! Use promo code: July2011

Today we look forward to celebrating with Anne and Dave from the Peoria, IL area, as they will be married tonight! Dave and Anne met at a Cache' Coffee Connections event last December and are deeply in love.

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." Eph. 3:20

Have a great weekend!

Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections

How Do You Deal with Heartbreak?

2011-07-28T07:05:00.004-05:00

Today's post is taken from a Crosswalk.com article co-written by Cliff Young and Laura MacCorkle. The "He Said-She Said" is a monthly advice column featuring a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. Cliff and Laura offer great godly advice on dealing with the inevitable breakup.

QUESTION: My question is to help anyone, born again and followers of Christ, who are in a similar situation as this. How should we deal with heartbreak? How do you get over the other person when there is a disadvantage that you see that person every so often (such as church or work), and you cannot escape?

HE SAID: Heartbreak is difficult and not something that is easily “gotten over,” nor should it necessarily be.

Many of us spend years searching for our lifelong spouse and once we (think we) locate “that” person, we open our heart and lives in an attempt to love and be loved. When our feelings are not reciprocated in the way we hope or want, we are heartbroken and need to take a period to heal, in our own time and in our own way.

What I have discovered through “trial and error” (a.k.a. dating) is most relationships don’t work out (surprise!), and it would be beneficial for us to learn from and learn how to manage break-ups since we may encounter them again.

For many of us, it is a day to day journey of struggle, heartache, emotions and growth. Some journeys will be easier than others and some may last longer than others (oftentimes depending upon which side of the break-up you are on). However, your journey can and will lead to peace if you refrain from holding onto bitterness, spite, envy, jealousy and anger against your former “interest.”

Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. (Luke 6:37).

We may “think” we are hurting someone by having ill feelings toward them. In reality, we are only hurting ourselves by delaying our grieving, healing, forgiving and growing process. We shouldn’t be acting or reacting like those of the world (and as we see on television reality shows), but rather living according to the instructions the Lord gives us in his Word.

The three most important things to have are faith, hope and love. But the greatest of them is love. (1 Cor. 13:13, NIRV).

This passage comes from the end of the “marriage chapter” (where many marriage vows originate), and probably isn’t frequented much after a break-up. However, we are told the most important things to have are faith, hope and love, of which love is the greatest.

This doesn’t just apply to those getting married, but is also wise counsel in every situation (even heartbreaking ones), for those desiring to be married.

Have faith God has plans for you to prosper and not harm you (Jer. 29:11).

You may never know or understand why the break-up happened; however, God may be protecting you from this person, He may want you all to himself at this time or he may have someone better suited for you. Whatever the reason, God knows our beginning, the middle and the end and truly wants the best for us, as our Father. Have the faith to recognize it, believe it and live it.

Place your hope in God and his Spirit, not in someone else (Rom. 5:5).

It may be difficult to do at times, but placing your hope in a perfect God is a better decision than giving your life to a fallible human. God continually shows this to be true in ways we can’t even fathom and hope placed in him does not disappoint. I’m not sure we can say the same about others, or ourselves.

Show love for everyone (including your “ex”) (Matt. 5:43).

Love in today’s society seems to be so fleeting and have no basis at times. The love God teaches us is neither selfish nor affected by emotions or situation, but rather loves through all things, including trials, faults and disappointments.

I have had my share of heartbreaks, but I can honestly say when all was said and done, I truly wanted what was best for the other person and I was able to pray she would find love and happiness apart from me. That is when I knew I had a grasp of what Jesus meant with regard to unconditional love.

The most difficult part, as you have mentioned, is to see your former interest around work or at church, especially if he or she is with someone else. However, when you reach that point in your healing and forgiveness process when you will want the other person to be happy even if it doesn’t include you, you will find a peace that really does transcend all (human) understanding.

This isn’t an easy process, it will take time and there is no perfect “formula,” but it all begins with releasing any negative feelings you have toward your former partner, forgiving them for whatever wrong they may have done, asking the Lord to heal you of your hurt and pain and holding onto hope, faith and love.

When the next opportunity comes around, and there will be more, you will be better equipped to handle whatever that situation holds.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Ps. 34:18).

SHE SAID: Maybe it’s because I came of age in the ‘80s, but Def Leppard’s “Bringin’ on the Heartbreak” kept ringing in my ears the first time I read through your question. Now that has nothing to do with my answer right now. But hey, it’s a catchy intro. And it’s honest, right?

Moving on …

I remember dealing with heartbreak back in high school when a summer romance ended abruptly before the school year started back up again. It was a mutual split, but it was right before my senior year was to begin. Once school started, the boy I had dated was now “big man on campus,” as most senior males might feel as they proudly strut along the school hallways during their last year in high school. [Insert “fun” teenage eye-roll here.]

Thankfully, we didn’t have any classes together. But I would see him in passing from time to time and would hear of what new girls he was dating and what not. Yes, I was cordial and would offer a perfunctory “hello” when we crossed paths. But I also wasn’t looking for opportunities to spend extra time around him or have in-depth conversations any time soon. There was still pain lurking in my heart as a result of the break-up, and I was still healing.

Fast forward to adulthood, and I have to say that I haven’t had to be in a situation like you are describing (either a break-up with someone from a workplace setting or at a church) in a long time. But, in remembering my high school break-up, I can only imagine that it would be awkward in a setting where you could routinely bump into one another and even more so if there is still interest for one of the parties involved.

As you know, a close relationship (whether romantic or platonic) knits two people together, through time spent together, through thoughts, feelings and dreams shared via interpersonal communication and through a whole host of experiences that two may share as they do life together. Add in two people who are believers and share a strong spiritual connection, and that can give it an even deeper dimension (1 Jn. 1:7). CLICK HERE to read the rest of the article.

~Linda
Cache' Connections