The New Movement....?

Could it be closer than we thought?  If you have been following us in the past, you might be aware that we feel Cache' Connections has been called to be much more than an online matchmaking service for Christian singles.  That is just a small piece of the puzzle.  Our big-picture goal is to change the dating landscape in our country, and then who knows... maybe the world?  A lofty concept, but you never know.  We serve a great big God who can move mountains and was the originator of all of creation, so what's stopping him from working through Cache' Connections to return our society back to the God-fearing country we were founded on?  Okay, breath....somebody stop me please :)

So, something's been stirring in Linda and me lately to work towards the original big picture scope.  But, we couldn't quite put a finger on the direction and the how and when.  Well, we had an article submitted to us from one of our Facebook friends that helps outline the societal changes that have gotten us where we are today.  Here's just a brief synopsis of those issues quoted from an article titled "The End of Courtship" by Leon Kass :
*  the sexual revolution, made
*  the ideology of feminism and the changing educational and occupational status of women
* the destigmatization of divorce, infidelity, and abortion
* the general erosion of shame and awe regarding sexual matters
* exemplified most vividly in the ubiquitous and voyeuristic presentation of sexual activity in movies and on television
* widespread morally neutral sex education in schools
* the explosive increase in the numbers of young people whose parents have been divorced
* a popular culture that celebrates youth and independence not as a transient stage en route to adulthood but as "the time of our lives," imitable at all ages, and an ethos that lacks transcendent aspirations and asks of us no devotion to family, God, or country, encouraging us simply to soak up the pleasures of the present.

Now that we have a clear picture of how we got here, how do we go about helping to effectuate a change?  Well, we're not there yet, but we feel it may have something to do with a recent new development we have been working on with one of our experts. Unfortunately, we are not at liberty to give away the "Cache' secret formula" at this time since it is still under R&D.  (Research and Development)  Linda and I always said this was the department at our major competitor that sat around all day and shot rubber bands at each other :)  Sorry, just an insider joke.

I know this is all a little vague, but that's about all that can be said on this topic at this time, but stay tuned - you never know what we're cooking up next!

~Kim
Cache' Connections

What's Around the Corner....

Usually, the end of July and August are pretty quiet at Cache' Connections, but that's not the case this year! There's excitement stirring here at Cache' headquarters as we are seeing some things coming together that have been in the works for a while.  We can't give much away at this time, but let's just say Linda and I have been working on a "new wheel."  Here's a little hint.... one of the biggest problems in finding new locations to host Cache' Connections events is that a large percentage of churches do NOT have singles groups and we hear constantly of groups that are disbanding.  It is a difficult group to keep healthy and vibrant.  So our solution is to provide the churches with an easy program to bring singles together for consecutive events without a lot of work or a singles pastor for that matter.  Of course, we're hoping we will be invited to a kick-off event to precede the others and each event will include some information about Cache' Connections.... so whalaaah!  Here's our marketing program inside the churches which is a perfect fit for Cache' Connections.  But before getting started, we began by spending some time talking with our pastor friends across the country and getting their feedback and so far so good! Another key element is we also have a well-respected expert on board who shares our philosophy on dating.  So, that's all the info for now.  We will be sharing more later when the ducks are all in a row.

We decided last year that we will be more diligent in booking events for the following year during the fall because once you get to the end of September or so, pastors don't want to talk about any more programming for the year since the holidays are just around the corner.  So, we're excited to announce we have booked a big Valentine's Day bash at First Baptist Atlanta the weekend of Valentine's Day.  Details about the event are sketchy, but at least it's on the calendar!

On another note, if you have been following us on Facebook or the blog, you are probably aware that we have been searching for a website programmer for some time.  We have some updates with the website that seem to be too difficult for the average programmer to tackle.  Well, God has finally delivered to us an amazing programmer that is everything we have been looking for and more!  We know His timing is perfect even though it's been a two year wait.  So look for some changes in the website soon, especially the email system!  One biggie is we will be adding threading to emails, so it will make responding much easier.

Getting back to current happenings... just a reminder that we have a few Cache' Coffee Connections coming up in the next few weeks in the Chicagoland area.  These are a lot like Christian speed dating and always quite the hit.  Check these two coffee events out under the Events tab.

Also, we just posted a sizzling special for the weekend.  We have added an extra free month to the 45% off special for July.  Remember, that promo code is July2010 and whoever signs up for 3 months or more through Sunday at midnight will receive an extra month for free, so help us spread the word!

Have a great weekend everyone.  Enjoy the last few weeks of summer!

~Kim

Could you be a "not wannabe"?

Recently we've heard from a lot of singles who say they want to meet someone special and have that God-planted desire in their hearts for a mate satisfied, but are sending off mixed signals. Could you be one of these?

... women who don't wear make-up, or strive for stylish hair and clothes; a man whose wardrobe is from 10 to 20 years ago?

... someone who shows up late for a date and not dressed to impress?

... someone who pays for online dating and even mentoring but won't engage in the process?

... someone who has an impossible "must have" checklist?

... someone who is too busy to make time for dating?

... someone who send out "not interested" or "do not approach" signals?

The list goes on and on. Whew, did I sign up for this? Quite frankly, when Kim and I began Cache' Connections, little did we know that God had actually called us to help people on a deeper, personal and emotional level rather than just providing a connection point. The fact is we live in a fallen world and people have suffered hurts that hinder them from healthy relationships. As I said the other day, the more I learn about people, the less I understand them. But as someone replied, all we have to do is love them as Jesus loved them.

There's no easy solution, and for many it's going to take some deep soul-searching and perhaps some professional counseling. But Cache' Connections is here to begin to open your mind to some things that might be holding you back from successful relationships. In fact, that has already happened for some of our Cache' couples. Stick with us as we provide expert advice through several different avenues, including this blog. As we say, "we're happy to help." We're also privileged to pray for you, too, so don't hesitate to share your prayer requests with us.

'It is not good for the man to be alone' Genesis 2:18.

Have a great day - it's a gift from God!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

CC Members can Instant Message!

Hey members, did you know that you can chat live with your connections? No? Well hopefully you've heard about "The Meeting Room" where we have leader-led chats on Monday nights and once a month with "Expert Emily." You can access it here. This chat room is always available for members to chat. If you are tired of sending messages back and forth, or want to creep up to the next level, live chats might be just what you are looking for!

Simply set a time with your connection(s) to enter The Meeting Room. It is usually empty, but there may be a few other members there. This is a free perk to members to help build community and relationships. Please take advantage of it!

Note: Enter the room with your first name or username, then use the password "cachecommunity." It may be necessary for you to download the free Java software at www.java.com.

Please let us know if you have any questions.

Blessings,
Linda
Cache' Connections

Quotes from last night's chat with "Dr.Steve"

In last night's leader-led chat, the group enjoyed chatting with Dr. Stephen W. Simpson, author of "What Women Wish You Knew About Dating," the topic of the last several weeks' chats. Here are a few quotable highlights, albeit a little rough:

Dr. Steve: You mean a woman wants you to call but then won't return the call at all? Then she's not really that interested unless she promises to write as soon as she has time.

Trying to analyze motives is a one way ticket to crazytown. It's much better to ask outright why someone does something.

Chatter: Do guys like women to be out right and direct about everything?

Dr. Steve: In general, yes. But you can be honest without being transparent. For example . . . If you don't like a guy, you can say, "I don't feel like this is a good fit" instead of "you're a bit too overweight for me and our conversations are boring." The important think is that you don't leave someone guessing about where things are headed.

Chatter: So be upfront honest but be nice?

Dr. Steve: You got it.

Chatter: Treat others like you would want to be treated is generally a good rule of thumb.

Dr. Steve: And don't try to guess what someone is thinking. If it's bugging you, just ask. If it makes it easier, admit that asking is difficult for you and you need they're patience. Letting other people in on your process is much better, in general, than trying to present the best possible image. For example, telling someone "I'm really wondering if you're interested but it's really embarrassing for me to ask you because I'm afraid it will scare you away." Letting people know what you're thinking is usually much more effective than trying to hide it. And if they don't like that, they're probably not a good fit for you anyway.

Dr. Steve: My theology on this is a bit different than the typical evangelical line, though I believe it's Biblical. I don't think God has someone picked out for you. I think God enters into the relationship when both people invite Him in, especially at marriage. Before that, I think we need to work at relationships.

... on how Dr. Steve met his wife: It wasn't a date. We just ended up sitting next to each other and she seemed really curious about me. Always a good sign... Yes, but small talk that progresses to deeper talk is also a good sign. It doesn't have to get too deep, like about past traumas, but a first conversation that gets beyond small talk is a good start.

Flirting is just being a little extra nice. Smile more. Ask more questions. Give the guy a light, brief touch on the arm or back (which he will absolutely notice, even if it's for a nanosecond). Think of it as turning the volume up on your personality. Be yourself, just turned up a little louder.

Online chatting is a great way to Meet someone.

Phone chatting is a way to Begin to get to know someone.

Nothing in the world substitutes meeting face to face. It's crucial, but not just for reasons of physical attraction. We all communicate things about ourselves in thousands of subtle, nonverbal ways. This is one of the reasons that someone attractive sometimes doesn't photograph well. You will not get the full experience of person until you are face to face. I'm constantly encouraging people to make the online intro aspect as short as possible and try to get together Asap. It can just be for coffee if not a bona fide date.

Coffee Is Never A Date. Argh. Try to start a movement with your book and nobody notices. Pity party over here.

Chatter: Do you think it's possible for male/female friendships if at least one knows it isn't going to lead to anything deeper?

Dr. Steve: If one person has romantic feelings, I think it's very difficult to have a friendship that won't eventually lead to hurt feelings for one or both.

Research shows that most people know within the first three dates if the relationship has long-term potential. There are exceptions, but that's the trend.

Chatter: Try to keep up the work Dr of stopping the hanging out movement. It is not good.

Dr. Steve: Thanks. People drive themselves nuts with games and half-measures. If you have a firm identity and sense of purpose rooted in your relationship with God, boldness and honesty is a million times easier.

A lot of dudes were pursuing my wife when we first met. She says I was the only one upfront about my intentions and that's one of the reasons we started dating.

Thanks all! May God be with you in whatever you're doing and wherever you're going!

Join me next week as we discuss Chapter 9, The Casual First Date. Click here for chat and other event information.

Blessings,
Linda
Cache' Connections

Cache' Connections 2010 Ignite Festival Highlights.mp4

For the third year in a row, Cache' Connections was a sponsor and vendor at Ignite Chicago, a Christian music festival. Always a fun/hot/sticky/exciting weekend, this year was the most memorable, for reasons you will see on this video. Despite the soggy grounds after torrential rains on Friday night, approximately 5,500 worshipers came out on Saturday, and 7,000+ on Sunday to hear some awesome music by top Christian artists (too numerous to mention.) We saw many of our "old" friends and made plenty of new ones! We are thankful for the brotherhood and unity of the body of Christ. Thanks to Edan Concerts and all of their great staff and volunteers for putting a great event!

Blessings,
Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections

Cache' Connections > Ignite Festival = Round 3

If you have never been to Ignite, it is the premier summer Christian music festival in Chicagoland, held in Schaumburg, IL. It's the place to be to worship with many of the top Christian groups performing over a 2 day weekend. Of course, it's always hot and dusty, but that's just part of the atmosphere of a summer festival! Cache' Connections will be there with our booth as we have been for the past 3 years. You'll find Kim and Linda in the grassy field area, under the Cache' Connections banner, with our signs, promo codes and Cache' t-shirts.

Even though this event is marketed as a family event, we have found it is quite popular with the singles population. So, this is always a great opportunity to get the word out about Cache' Connections to those who have not heard about us yet. It's so funny to watch people come by and read our sign - hmm...Christian matchmaking they say with a surprise. And then their look of "I'm not sure about this," turns to remarks like, "you know, I should tell so-and-so" about this. It seems everyone enjoys being a matchmaker!

This year we will be giving away an "Until Married" Membership to Cache' Connections, so if you're single and coming out, make sure and stop by and register. We are also encouraging singles to "camp out" in front of our booth and hang out together... to spread their blankets out within shouting distance and join together as a little Cache' community of sorts :) So whether you're married or single, if you're at Ignite, stop by and say hello!

Have a great weekend!
~Kim
Cache' Connections

5 Simple Rules for Asking Her Out by Dr. Steve

This is Part 2 of the blog post on July 20, which was focused on how to talk to a girl, taken from "What Women Wish You Knew About Dating" by Dr. Stephen Simpson. Today we finish Chapter 8 with these simple rules on asking a girl out:

... but before we begin, make sure you've had one hour of conversation with her, and have assessed them to make sure there is mutual interest. Now:

1. Ask her when the two of you are alone. Nobody wants to be embarrassed.

2. Ask her at the right time. Not on the day her dog died, she has finals or an especially stressful week.

3. Make sure she knows it's a date. This is a biggee. Don't ask her to hang out or go to a singles ministry event if your intentions are romantic. She shouldn't have any reason to think you're asking her for anything other than a date. The beginning of relationships is confusing enough as it is, so don't let her think you are still operating in the "friend zone." Say, "I'd like to take you out sometime" or "How would you feel about going out with me sometime?" Single women are dying for this kind of thing. Bring it!

4. Evaluate her response. The number 1 response you're looking for is "I'd love to." Other good responses are "Sounds like fun" "great/cool/awesome" and even "sure." Don't worry if the response is positive but less than enthusiastic; she might be trying to keep you humble. However, if she gives an excuse of any kind, that is a "no." Don't try to rationalize it. The only time an excuse is not a no is when she immediately offers an alternative date. If you get an excuse, don't suggest going out another time. Just say, "That's too bad. If you're ever free and want to go out, let me know."

Research has shown that women are more cautious than men when agreeing to go on a date. Men are willing to forge ahead with the Three C's (Christian, Cute, and Cool), but women take more factors into account before agreeing to a date. They think about everything from children to safety. So be sure she gets a chance to know you before she offers a quick rejection!

5. Be ready to make plans on the spot. Act as if you expected a positive response and come back with something like, "great, how about Saturday at 7:00?" Then tell her you will call her later to make plans.

When to call? Not the next day. Not the day before or the day of the date. Show consideration for her time and planning, but it's good to heighten anticipation a bit. The phone call between the asking and the date, however, is essential. And don't just make plans. Find something else to talk about so that she knows you are interested in her life.

NEXT WEEK: Dr. Steve himself will be leading the chat! He will be recapping the first 8 chapters beginning at 9:00 pm CST. Join the fun!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Jesse and Kristin's Cache' Connection.mp4

Jesse and Kristin met through the Cache' Connections website in November of 2009. They shared their story at Cache' Connections Live! Dyer, IN. This is an encouraging story for those who are willing to step out and say "hello."

Practical Communication Tips from "Dr. Steve"

Last night's chat was based on Chapter 8 of Dr. Stephen W. Simpson's book, "What Women Wish You Knew About Dating." This is a great chapter with some basic tips on how to go about initiating contact with a woman. Although it's geared a little toward the younger and less experienced daters, there's something for everyone to learn. So here are the basics:

You have to talk to her. Dr. Steve says the No. 1 complaint he hears from Christian women is that Christian men aren't assertive enough. So don't just stand on the sidelines waiting for love to "just happen." You need to initiate conversation and we will tell you how.

But first, there are 3 things that need to happen before you ask a woman out:

1. You need to find her attractive.
2. You need to make sure she's not dating anyone else.
3. You need to have a minimum of one hour of engaging conversation (we would add this can be online or by telephone)

Here are 5 simple rules for the first conversation (written from the perspective of a face-to-face meeting):

1. Warm up for the conversation. Relax - she's not going to hurt you. Take deep breaths and recall a funny story. One tip Dr. Steve recommends is to look at her nostrils :) "Nobody is intimidating when you're looking at their nose hair."

2. Ask questions. Introduce yourself, ask her name, where she's from, how she happened to hear about this event, etc. Find out the basics and then go a little deeper - but don't get too personal. No bragging here - just give her a chance to talk about herself with an attentive ear.

3. Watch for Nonverbal cues. These are great! Good signs are: good eye contact, her face is directly in front of yours, open posture, smiling, laughing, tossing hair back, whispers something to you, a handshake or quick touch, asking questions and long answers to yours, playing with her hair or necklace, nodding. Not-so-good signs: glancing around the room, arms crossed, little emotional expression, slowly stepping away from you, short answers, no questions, making excuses to leave, talking about her boyfriend.

4. Be honest. Don't try to impress her or agree with everything she says or likes. Telling the truth upfront will save you trouble later. Research shows that women expect deception from men with romantic interest in them. Be a man of integrity and let her know you're a solid man who's comfortable and confident with his identity.

5. Assess the conversation afterward. Did you have more in common than not? Did she seem to enjoy talking to me and express interest in talking again? Did I enjoy talking to her? If the answers are yes, that's a good sign, but don't ask her out yet. Get her phone number if you think you won't see her again, but you need to talk to her again before asking for a date.

Whew! That's enough for today. Stay tuned for 5 simples rules for asking a woman out.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Why Cache' Connections?

Watch Founders Kim and Linda explain the Cache' Connections Difference.

Not Getting Results? Make a Change!

Here are some excerpts from last night's expert-led chat with relationship expert Emily Shupert:

Expert Emily: Welcome friends! Glad you were able to make it out to the chat tonight! Hope you all are having a great evening! This is an "open" chat so you can ask whatever is on your mind regarding dating :)

Chatter 1: I have a question. I am a 29 yr. old female who just doesn't have the opportunity to date. I have trouble meeting people and its just really hard for me. Any advice?

Expert Emily: Great question! I like to encourage you to get your numbers up. By this I meaning get your exposure with other guys up through Cache, meeting new people at work or even making small talk in the grocery store.

Others: Get on Cache I am sure Linda would say; Do different things!!! I think any christian or community involvement would allow for interaction; I would also say show interest to guys you meet that you might be interested in, also try to go to places where you might meet people you might be interested in.

Chatter 1: I've been told all those things everyone is suggesting volunteer, work out, etc but there is never anyone.

Expert Emily: It is really difficult because we can resort to the false belief that "there just isn't anyone out there" but there are in fact many possible people...we just need to figure out what is the barrier to you meeting those people.

Chatter 1: Work is not an option, 75% of my coworkers are female and the 25% that is male is married.

Chatter 2: Well, make sure you are presenting yourself and making sure you are open.

Expert Emily: In counseling, I work with people on identifying their false belief statements....it is a form of cognitive misconceptions that is based on a ton of research but I'm gonna minimize all that info now.... Sometimes, you have false belief statements regarding yourself such as "I'm unable of healthy relationships" or "I can't find anyone because I'm too broken" or "All the relationships I enter into are the same." We have negative beliefs that we tell ourselves that are stopping us from meeting others and sometimes, well, many times this is rooted from our own journey and things we are dealing with.

Chatter 2: I would agree Emily, also the 2 articles from Expert Emily help, on cache site under expert articles.

Expert Emily: Another false belief is regarding your interactions (physical and social) with others....

Chatter 1: So how does one overcome these false beliefs (which I don't believe I have)?

Expert Emily: You might tell yourself "He wouldn't be interested in me" or "He isn't my type so I'm not gonna even be interested" or "I'm unable to talk with guys I don't know, I don't feel comfortable with talking to strangers" or "I don't know what to say."

Chatter 3: I'm curious why your job prevents you from joining Cache on your own time and your own computer and internet account?

Expert Emily: Everyone has some sort of barrier that is stopping you from meeting the man or woman of your dreams. The goal of self awareness is to be open to seeing which (not if) these things are in your life. Awareness is the first step...

Chatter 4: But maybe Chatter 1 is self confident and looking, what then?

Expert Emily: But it is really difficult to be aware of this in your own life because we cannot be objective.... I suggest you ask some people who love you well to give you some honest feedback. Ask them, "what do you think are some false beliefs that I have in my dating life?"

Chatter 1: Thank you Chatter 4 ...that is exactly what I am.

Expert Emily: Self confidence is awesome...so important but that doesn't mean that we don't have false beliefs. We all have areas of growth, so ask for feedback from others who can tell you the false beliefs you might have in your life.

Chatter 1: I have had coworkers be harassed by clients because they saw their online profile.

Chatter 3: I see your point Chatter 1.

Expert Emily: Once you are aware of these false beliefs, you are able to change them. For example, if you are a competent, business woman who is successful and working a lot but having little time or ways of meeting someone else, then you can be aware of when your false belief statements...

Expert Emily: Whenever you say, "He isn't my type because he isn't driven like me" (to a guy you haven't even met yet) or "I want to be pursued" (but you don't put yourself out there in new places and expect him to come to your doorstep). There are several ways that we can ask ourselves what is stopping us. Many times being a self confident and capable person is difficult because you are successful in all other areas of your life and can't find a break through in dating.

Chatter 5: Emily, you mean you sometimes have to say hi first? geez. I hate that.

Chatter 1: However, I don't really come in contact with potential dates and I can say "hi" first all I want but the man still has to say "hi" back.

Chatter 5: The good ones will Chatter 1.

Chatter 2: Yes, showing some interest really gets a man to react, but even just looking at him when he looks at you and not turning away makes a difference.

Expert Emily: Think of it like this...what would you do in other areas of your life if things weren't working out for you? You would change, adapt, and make things done differently in order to have a different outcome.

Chatter 2: Good Emily, we learn and act and if not working then try something different, very good.

Chatter 1: I go to church with men who are married, gay, or underage (that is not a false belief it is true and I can't change churches) - now what?

Expert Emily: Chatter 1, while you might not come in contact with a ton of guys in your everyday life, I would encourage you to meet at least 5 new guys a week...in the grocery store, in the church service, wherever... I don't care where it is as long as it gets your numbers up. This is just an exercise that allows you to see that there are many guys around you and they might not be "marriage material" but maybe this will help you open yourself up so that "the one" will approach you down the road and engage in conversation with you.

Others: Singles activities; cache events; concerts in the park; anything to get you out to where you can meet people. church activities other then just the worship service; and other churches activities; weddings?

Expert Emily: It is important to simply open our eyes and see that there are men and women around us and a simple smile, small talk, etc. allows us to get out of our little world and reach out to others. I think that it is more than simply being social but also showing interest and care in others...who doesn't want to be spoken to? ...want someone to notice them in the rush of every day life....that is showing hospitality in a crazy busy world.

Chatter 1: What I'm trying to get across is that I have a very limited social network because of my age, job, religious belief, etc. so I can be open as I want but the challenge is finding someone who will fit in my world.

Chatter 2: Sometimes we limit our world too much; Emily is telling you to expand even just by opening yourself up some in your everyday activities.

Expert Emily: ...good for you! You need to be specific and have high standards. But getting your numbers up isn't about standards, it is about getting your numbers up. You can't get to know if someone meets your standards until you are able to engage and get to know someone. But you can't get to know someone until you reach out and say hello.

Chatter 1: So if I'm understanding this correctly when I go to the grocery store once a month I should just start talking to random men???

Chatter 2: You should smile at men that you might be interested in.

Expert Emily: So many times I see clients who come in my office and they cut off potential dates because the guy isn't a certain type...but I think that God is bigger than that....he might surprise you beyond your type and show you someone who will be better than your type!

Expert Emily: Yes Chatter 1 ....go for it! I now it sounds silly but think to yourself, "If what I'm doing isn't working than what's the worst thing that can happen? Why not work in a different direction and try something new?" Going to the grocery store, gas station, Starbucks, etc....meet people. If you need to read emails and read, then don't isolate, but yourself in a Starbucks or bookstore or library...wherever you live in the US, they at least have a library. It is about working smarter, not harder. This is a proven technique that I've seen great success in over the years. It takes stepping out of your norm and into something different, but it works!

Expert Emily: Note to all: Don't let your past experience, sarcasm, or doubt stop you from trying this new way of working....whether it is with people online, through meeting people outside work, etc....there are so many ways to meet folks but we have to get "unstuck" first by moving in a different direction.
Yes, that is the way towards growth...challenging our thinking. Many times we get stuck in our own ways which leads us to feeling "stuck" and unable to see outside our situation. That is why I love counseling others, to challenge thinking in order to work out of a different perspective.

Chatter 2: Emily is trying to challenge you, just think is, what I am doing working? No? Then how can I change?

Expert Emily: Great point! But changing requires a great amount of courage and strength to move beyond what feels comfortable to the unknown.

Chatter 1: I run into a lot of men who aren't worth my time, so I can do all those things (i.e. church, grocery store, etc) but if I'm not finding anyone worth my time..........

Expert Emily: Anyone worth your time....let's look at that statement because that is what is stopping you... I want to encourage you stop yourself every time you say "He isn't worth your time" Just notice when you say this over the week. It is so important to stop yourself when you say something that might be stopping you from meeting someone. This is one of the false beliefs that I mentioned above. You need to be aware of when you say that statement because you are cutting yourself off from meeting someone by saying that. First step....just be aware, notice, and be mindful. Second step.... stop saying it. It is hurting you an even though you feel comfortable thinking this, trust me, as a professional, you are hurting yourself by saying this. Third: open yourself up to talking with (not saying marrying or having kids with) just talking with someone who is not your type. Fourth: Pray....ask God to open your heart and mind to others that he has for you. Ask him to show you what people are worth getting to know and ask Him to open your eyes to relationship you might not be open to before...it is a dangerous prayer to ask Him to work His will, even if it isn't a path. You never know if someone will be something more. But talk and engage with someone first but you can't do this if you say "they aren't worth me."

Chatter 1: I don't understand why I should focus my efforts on relationships that I'm not interested in or the other is not interested in. I'm not trying to be rude when I say this its just that I want a relationship that is going to progress to marriage and kids.

Expert Emily: You aren't spending hours into these people...saying hi only takes a few seconds and having a conversation is only a few min. I think you are resistant to doing something outside of what has been done but you have to ask yourself, "How is what I'm doing working for me?

These are just some of the comments from the chat, consisting of about 10 participants. Join in Expert Emily's next chat on Sunday, August 15, 2010 at 7:30 pm CST. Other leader-led chats are shown under Scheduled Events at www.cacheconnections.com.

~Linda

Life is a Jar

Click here: Life is a Jar

Today we are re-posting a popular blog we spotted recently that serves as a great reminder to "keep the main thing the main thing" in life. Don't get so caught up in the small stuff that you let the important matters, such as God, family, friends, ministry and your health slide!

As for singles ... we often hear that they are too busy for dating. While this may be true for a season, we encourage singles to examine their priorities and perhaps consider some changes in schedule and attitude that could be hindering the opportunities that God is setting before you.

Have a great weekend!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Long Distance >> Engagement Announcement!

Mark and Kathie connected in July 2009 when she saw his profile and decided to send him a message. He was very intrigued that she contacted him first. Mark remembered a video he saw by Dr. Myles Munroe in which the he said that the LORD would bring the woman to the man no matter where she lived. Mark thought this was very interesting since Kathie lives over 700 miles away.

Kathie was impressed by the fact that Mark wanted to do a Bible study together over the phone. After 2 1/2 months and 2 Bible studies, Mark decided to visit Kathie. Both were excited and a bit anxious about the meeting.

After the initial meeting and several days of intense prayer about moving forward in a long distance relationship, the two decided to proceed. Mark financed trips back and forth from Michigan to Georgia every 3 to four weeks. The two found they had many common interests, thoroughly enjoy each others' company, and have gotten VERY creative with long distance dating.

Mark recently proposed to Kathie and she accepted one year after their initial contact.

Kathie: “Mark is an AMAZING man. He is steady and dependable, and yet he has a spontaneous romantic side that I love. I value that Mark can get deep and introspective when we study and that he also likes to play around and have fun!”

Mark: “Kathie is an amazing woman. She loves the LORD with her whole heart and has a heart for ministry, which I find very attractive. There’s so much about her that I love. I feel the LORD Has granted me the desires of my heart.” Our prayer is for each of Cache’ Connections members is to allow the LORD to guide you to the relationship He has for you. Put the LORD first and He WILL grant the desires of your heart."

Mark and Kathie: “Thanks Kim and Linda for providing a truly amazing Christ-centered opportunity to meet other Christian singles.”

Kim and Linda: Both Mark and Kathie are very dear to us, as we've had an opportunity to work with each of them in their respective states. We've been praying for Mark and Kathie all year and are happy to see their relationship progress toward marriage. We feel they are a great fit for each other and thank God for having a part in connecting them!

p.s. Questions on long-distance dating? Mark will be happy to answer your questions. Leave a comment and we will pass it along!

~Linda
Cache' Connections

"Babydoll- Darling- Dear- Sweetheart- Love"

Yesterday we did a fun poll via Facebook on the question, "Is it ever too soon to use nicknames such as Honey, Sweetie, Babe, or Dear in a relationship?" Here are some of the replies:

1. Doug: Depends on the nickname and relationship. Everything has a variable. Dating is not an exact science.

2. Johnny: I say if it feels right and both are comfortable...then go with it! Most diner waitresses are good with it, they call people all those names when they have never dated?

3. Mine': I wouldn't recommend it at least the first few dates. At the same time, like Doug said, "dating is not an exact science." A guy I recently went out with started talking about "us" the next time I talked to him - a total turn off!! Again, it all depends on the personality and how the nickname is used.

4. Jose: After the month and a half, you good!!

5. James: Yea sometimes I would hit with 5 at once. Babydoll darling dear sweetheart love. Too soon, and it hasn't work out for the good. Best to wait.

6. Linda: ha ha ha James! Jose hit it scientifically correct on the dot! LOL keep them coming.

7. Mine': Now, you could say something like, "What a sweetheart!" That would be okay. :) That's not same as saying, "Sweetheart, how about getting together again next week?"

8. Joey: In the south people say Honey..Hon..all the time and think nothing of it.

9. Aimee: Once you decide you are wanting to be in a relationship with that person, then it is ok...so, it would vary depending on how long it takes to decide you are ready for terms of endearment :)

Our answer? We tend to agree with No. 9 - wait until you have reached that level of intimacy with the other person so that he or she will know that they are your "sweetheart" - no questions necessary.

~Linda
Cache' Connections

Tower exposes his ups and downs in the dating world!

Tower from Shine.fm has had his share of ups and downs in the dating world.  He'll be sharing some insights on his journey as a 20-something single looking for that special lady who will someday be his wife.  Here are some points Tower will be covering on Friday night:

1. The Disney theory - happily ever after?
2. The Bin Laden theory - aka the "oh well" theory
3. God is not a vending machine

Tower will regale you with his personal stories of how he has experienced some of these patterns in his own walk. He'll confess the stubbornness of his early 20's when he thought if he didn't get stuck in an elevator with a girl, God must not want him to be with her; tell of his fears as a result of living in an abusive environment; and divulge a dating nightmare when a girl took him to an AA meeting ... without telling him!

As you can see, this will be a heartfelt talk that everyone in attendance will be able to identify with in one way or another.  We all share in this journey of life, so why struggle alone?  Come on out to Cache' Connections Live! Dyer, IN on Friday.  If it's a distance away, it will be worth the drive and time to meet some new friends and gain some valuable advice.  God intends for us to live in a community to support and encourage each other.  Even though it can be difficult to step out and take a risk, you'll leave feeling glad you did.  Check it out at Cache' Connections Live Dyer, IN.

We hope to see you there!

Kim
Cache' Connections

Love is in the air at Cache' Connections!

We've been hearing a lot of good news around here and want to share a little bit with you.

* On July 4th, one of our long-distance relationships (from Michigan to Georgia) has developed into an engagement. Kathie and Mark have stood the test of time and travel and are looking forward to bringing their lives together in Michigan in the near future.

* Another quick engagement ... a couple who met earlier this year through the website. Names are not being disclosed, but the couple plans to wed this weekend with God's blessings.

* And this morning ... confirmation that a younger couple who met at The Cache' Connection Show on 6/4 have been seeing each other and really feeling a connection. This young lady is very special to us as she has always been very encouraging to us and has helped with several events. She deserves someone very special.

We couldn't be happier for these three couples, as well as others who are in connection but choose to keep the details private. We thank God for being a part of these stories, and the individuals involved are very thankful for Cache' Connections' part in their love stories.

Watch for full details and photos to come!

Blessings,
Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections

Monday Fast for Singles: Is This Too Big a Job for God?

We are part of a national prayer chain for singles desiring marriage, and receive a weekly reminder and blog from the leadership group. Today's article is a heartfelt confession of the frustrations of one of these singles. I'm sure that many of you can identify with Heidi's feelings. Be sure to write to fast.pray@gmail.com to join this important prayer group!

"If you are like me as a single person, on the days/years that singleness was not a "gift" and felt like terminal condition, I struggled with anger, jealousy and despair. Do you ever feel just plain mad? Like something is terribly broken and wrong outside of me. I look around and there are legions of smart, fun, attractive women and a seeming dearth of men who match them. Like something in the culture broke somewhere and those of us that didn't meet our soulmate in college are left holding the bag many years later. Something feels unjust about this as you do your best to remain obedient to God--wondering what the heck is the point/reward in that?!

Or maybe you have days that you look around you and it seems like all kinds of people seem to get married all over the place...smart people, dumb people, unattractive people etc. Why is this so easy for so many, and yet so difficult for me? And your younger siblings beat you to the altar, the kid you babysat for 100 years ago is somehow engaged and your efforts to subdue the green monster become a full time job.

As if anger and jealousy weren't enough, bewilderment and despair can join the quartet and the lies that you know aren't true, assault you...God has forgotten me, I need to just love him more/work harder and he will give this to me, I am alone, something is wrong with me, I just don't understand.

You are probably a stronger person than I am and haven't struggled with all these emotions, but the most powerful antidote I've discovered (in addition to good friends, active/healthy habits etc) is finding the truth in scripture and clinging to it. God has ministered to me lately in the following two passages from Jeremiah:

"I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is there anything too hard for me?" Jeremiah 32:27
"This is what the Lord says, he who made the earth, the Lord who formed it and established it--the Lord is his name: Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:2-3

With the truth in hand as a weapon against anger, jealousy and despair, I'm writing to encourage us to pray as God invites us in Jeremiah. Knowing that nothing is too hard for him and he promises an answer to things we don't know when we call, let's pray together this Monday, during what would be lunch (or whatever time you can fast) for 1) marriages for those who want to be married, 2) courage for men to walk upright and into marriage, and 3) a willingness for women to see where they (we) need to change for the sake of healthy marriages to emerge.

So grateful that our God is a powerful God - Heidi"

Here's a bit of hope for you: Last night we received word of an engagement of one of our couples who have been long-distance dating from Michigan to Georgia! Stay tuned for the full story!

Have a great week and remember to keep your eyes on Almighty God, who is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can ever hope or imagine!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

So what is "intentional dating?"

Intentional dating has been addressed before in this blog, but it is something that we at Cache' Connections refer to often and get a lot of questions about. So it's time for a refresher course!

The idea of intentional dating is a concept developed by Drs. Tom and Beverly Rodgers and is explained fully in their book, "The Singlehood Phenomenon." It's a happy medium between the old courtship ritual and "kissing dating goodbye" and today's recreational dating and hanging out. So what does it look like?

Intentional daters have a deliberate, conscious mind-set about dating and mating and are always mindful of what God might be doing in their lives. They allow input from family and friends but are not always on the hunt for a mate. Here are some characteristics of intentional daters:

Healthy.
Intentional daters (let's call them "IDs") know they are hardwired for love and work to develop a healthy self-esteem. ID's know who they are, like who they are, and are who they are. Sounds simple but this is very important - so think it through!

Conscious.
ID's have done a solid self-examination, have looked at their fears of dating and mating and surrendered them to God. They are committed to being genuine and sincere as they pursue members of the opposite sex.

Men lead and women let them.
Oh boy! Men are deliberate and initiate relationships but welcome strong, powerful women who want to be involved in the process. Women overcome their struggle with "owing men" or "feeling obligated" and allow men to take the lead. They are honest and show integrity by truthfully approaching the person they are dating if they sense that he is resistant to leadership. This takes a sincere, truthful, yet tempered approach to men. (This does not negate the fact that men need confirmation that a woman is interested before he asks her out!)

Courageous.
ID's have faced their fear of rejection, given up destructive habits, and faced the risk of heartbreak. They have a faith that God will provide their soul mate and trust Him to lead them in pursuing their heart's desire for a mate.

Integrity of Intentions.
Problems arise when a dater's intentions are unclear. ID's make every effort to have integrity in all of their relationships. With God's help, they speak the truth and honor each other as much as they possibly can.

Respectful.
ID's respect the person they are dating as a child of God - not as a conquest or means to an end.

Authentic.
ID's are real. They do not play games or deceive others in dating.

Finally, intentional daters do not continue in a relationship that is not legitimate just to avoid being alone.

So is the first date supposed to be intentional? It gets confusing, I know. The first meeting should be casual and expectations kept low to keep the pressure off. If a second and third date follow, it's time to kick in these thoughts and examine your intentions and approach.

More tough love, it turns out to be. So are can you be identified as an "ID"?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Tough (non) Love

I was talking with a member the other day who had engaged in conversations, both via email and one telephone call, with another member. Soon after their friendship sparked, she realized something personal about him that she felt was a deal-breaker for her. She wanted some advice from me on how to break it off without hurting his feelings.

Usually the story is reversed ... and it goes something like this:

Boy meets girl (thinks she's pretty.)
Boy asks girl out.
Girl accepts.
Boy and girl go out on a date.
Boy says "I'll call you."
Boy does not call girl.
Girl is left wondering, day after day, week after week.

Sound familiar?

There's such a thing as intentional dating (for which a blog is due) but today we are talking about intentional non-dating. What does that mean? Simply this: if you are no longer interested, don't leave the other person hanging. It is immature to simply not return calls, texts or emails. All you need to do is send a short note or text and state that you don't feel this is a good connection. You DO NOT need to give a reason. It could be hurtful and will not necessarily be an issue with the next suitor who comes along. Additionally, it's great if you can give him or her a compliment or word of encouragement. This goes for on- and off-line connections and dates.

In the event you are left hanging ... if you haven't heard from him or her in two weeks, consider this a non-connection and don't take it too personally. Trust that God is leading you, and perhaps protecting you from something. Dating is risky business, so ALWAYS remember to guard you heart and keep Christ first in your heart, "and then all these things will be added to you" - in God's time.

~Linda
Cache' Connections

Do You Know What Time It Is?

Today's question: What are appropriate times of the day or night to call someone before you have a discussion on these boundaries? We're hearing of a lot of late-night texts and calls that seem totally inappropriate to us. Here are a few comments from our fans on Facebook:

1. If you just started talking, I'd say call a day or two after your initial meeting, then maybe call every few days. If you're calling to plan a date always do that a few days ahead of time, it shows you're interested and not waiting til the last minute to make sure nothing better comes along. late-night texts and calls after what time do you find inappropriate ? I would say 10pm is the cut off time.

2. The whole text thing is very fishy sometimes I wish text messaging was not around. The way I see it texting might be a way of breaking the ice for potential daters who might be shy or not feel comfortable talking over the phone; at the same time I think it takes away the personal feel of connection or emotions being expressed. It lacks substance in a way - that's how I see it.

3. I wouldn't appreciate if my busy girlfriend gave me the leftovers of her busy scheduled and pretend to text me or call me good night at 11:00 pm.

4. After 9:00 pm, my brain ceases to work; I don't even answer the phone after 9:00 pm cause I won't be responsible for the drivel that comes out of my mouth when I am tired!

What do you think?

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Kimmie is a Grandma!

Baby Boy Whitaker has arrived! After a scare of early onset of labor a few weeks ago, he has arrived at his appointed hour. Today at approximately 6:00 a.m., Parker (?) Whitaker was born weighing 7 pounds 6 ounces, approximately three weeks early. Mother and baby are doing fine. Everyone else is ECSTATIC!

Congratulations mom and pop, you'll do a fine job as parents. We look forward to having the little guy in our lives. God is good - all the time. Thank you Lord for this precious baby boy.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Should we be "just friends?"

Another Facebook poll speaks! What a great way to get a pulse on today's dating trends. Yesterday we posed this question: If someone says they want to be just friends, should you try to be just friends, if your aspirations are for much more? Here are some comments:

1. No. (I like a man of few words!)

2. Sure... If you're good enough friends, it might turn into more. But then again I wouldn't fall madly in love.

3. I have found that often when people say "just friends" they are just trying to be polite. What they often mean is "please give me some space for a while, and then maybe later we can be friends." When I am interested in someone, it is hard to be just friends because I have a tendency to hold out hope for more. I am able to be just friends, but it takes discipline to not hope for more and to "release them" from my hopings.

4. From a singles pastor: Well. If you are able to respect the boundaries of friendship I say yes. If you like them you will probably like their friends. There you might meet someone who is ready for relationship. Networking is key to finding the love of your life.

5. Sure as long as the person that says they want to just be friends acts like it, and doesn't act like someone you've dated (giving you gifts for no reason, calling you all the time to talk, etc). Nothing confuses someone more than by sending mixed signals!

6. I think it is possible to be friends if you dated someone and it didn't work out; however, if your aspirations are more, I really don't think it is a good idea. I think it would cost too much unnecessary hurt on your part. I have a saying for my Cache friends: Don't let someone be a priority in your life when you are not an option in their life. (*like*)

7. I found my self in that situation not long ago. After pursuing her for a while to become a potential candidate for a boyfriend and telling that person that she was someone I was interested in, she told me she just wants to be friends, I felt completely deflated and then I automatically stop the gifts and the invitations...

8. I say "stay friends". Will I put effort into the friendship? I don't know...life is too short to put effort into something that is going nowhere, but if she needs me for some reason I will be there.

9. I think so, but I agree that it's hard to do. You have to constantly check your motives for doing things with and for that person. Are you going to extra lengths in hopes that they'll change their mind? Is the thing that you're doing something that you would do for other friends or only this "special" friend? Be Honest!

Wow, we have some wise friends and fans! I think the consensus is to be very careful in such a relationship. Our advice would be to pray about it and ask some godly advisers if they think this is a good idea for you. Always, always guard your heart! (Proverbs 4:23) ... for it is the wellspring of life!

Our fan page is growing! Not a fan? Not a "Facebooker"? It's a great way to network and get another peak behind the scenes of Cache' Connections! CLICK HERE to be linked to our fan page and consider joining the fun! Who knows, your opinion could make a difference in someone's life!

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

What to expect at Cache' Connections Live! Dyer, IN

In less than two weeks, we'll be hitting the road again to travel to Dyer, IN for Cache' Connections Live! on July 16th.  Even though I had never heard of this town in Indiana, we were blown away by this impressive mega church when we went to visit this spring.  When we met with Pastor Charlie Contreras, he was very understanding about the concept of Cache' Connections and how difficult it can be for Christian singles to meet.  He too was married later in life, so could relate to the desire of wanting to find a Christian mate. 

Although Faith Church is a large congregation, they do not have an organized singles group, so we have heard that the singles of this church are very excited that they will have an event geared specifically to this stage of life.  We are anticipating a lot of new faces as many area churches have been promoting this event to their singles and congregation.  It seems that Faith has a good relationship with a lot of the surrounding churches who were more than happy to share the news.

We are excited to hear what Tower from Shine.fm will be sharing with the audience about his walk as a Christian single.  He is still in his 20's, but is looking forward to meeting a special someone to share their future together.  Who knows, maybe he'll meet her on July 16th!

Worship will be provided by the Faith Church worship band and of course, there will be refreshments and a time to get to know other people in attendance.  Many people have told us they were apprehensive about coming to one of our single events, but were so glad they did because it is such a quality group of people and easy to attend, low pressure.

So if you are single and available on this date, we encourage you to take a drive over to Dyer, IN and relax and enjoy a night with some great people!  Who knows, it could be the best decision you ever made:)

Have a great week!
Kim

Cache' Connections

(3/3) Charles Stanley - Turning the Tide

(2/3) Charles Stanley - Turning the Tide

Charles Stanley - Turning the Tide

Today we are posting the first of a 3-part video of Dr. Charles Stanley's July 4th sermon. He's preaching on the high cost of a society that insists on operating in violation of the laws of God.

Proverbs 11:14: Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers.

Please be praying for our nation to turn this tide around!

~Kim and Linda
Cache' Connections

Detecting Desperation in Dating

Everyone wants to be needed - to some degree. But did you ever date someone who was more ... desperate? How do you differentiate between appearing interested and desperate? Well, we did another informal poll on Facebook and received these great comments:

1. When they tell you they love you on the 1st date.

2. Contacting the other person too frequently.

3. When they're very needy, and tell you their life story in the first hour, and don't know how to have a lunch date and take it for what it is OR a cup of coffee....... In too big of a hurry calling constantly saying, "what are you doing?"( when you called me about 2 hrs. ago).....

4. Show up at the first date with their parents in tow... "Just wanted you to meet mom & dad..."

5. When they think you’re “official” after one date even though you don’t even know their last name!! True story… *sigh*

6. How about telling you they love you within the first month of dating? Or in the first month telling you they want to give you the best years of your life that you have left on this earth?

7. Turning to non-Christians to date because they aren't finding any Christians they click with.

8. Throwing yourself COMPLETELY into the other person, neglecting God, friends and family for the sake of your relationship with that person.

9. The "can't be alone syndrome."

10. Someone who is trying to be a little too intimate on the first date kiss.

11. Taking a "less than" relationship and trying to make it work.

12. Laughing at everything you say, agreeing with everything you say, liking everything you like.

If you have any of these symptoms, perhaps it's time to pull back from dating and lean back into your walk with Christ. He must have first place in your heart. Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections

Long Distance Dating Tips

Long-distance relationships are becoming more common, but most people are hesitant to begin communication with someone outside of their area. While many couples have formed relationships successfully this way, long-distance dating certainly comes with some challenges. So we asked one of our members, who lives in Michigan but is engaged to his Southern belle from Georgia, for some tips that have helped them. They are listed below, and some of these tips go for ALL dating relationships.

1. Ask which one of you is willing to relocate if things work out.
2. Can you afford to travel to see each other at least once a month?
3. Start off with a few emails and then suggest a phone conversation.
4. Pray together daily or as often as you talk.
5. Do a structured Bible study together.
6. Read books together and do small group studies together... Changes that Heal and Boundaries in Dating are a great place to start. Lies at the Alter is a great book when things get a bit more serious.
7. Remember we ALL come with baggage and our own opinions about everything.
8 DO NOT idealize the other person... BAD IDEA ... this can be though but DON"T do it. Realize the other person is just human and might just let you down once in a while.
9. If you like games find a web site that will let you play the same copy of a game. There are a number sites where you each can do identical copies of word puzzles. Look for Drop Quotes, Cryptograms, Strimko, GridWorks, and Codewords just to name a few.
10. Always, ALWAYS, ALWAYS!!! Ask the Lord to lead you and guide you and your heart in the relationship. "Not my will but Yours be done."

From another couple who live two hours apart:

I would say that the most important thing about long distance dating is to have daily contact ... phone calls, emails, texts and all of the above every single day. Another thought would be to keep available time together a top priority when making plans to get together. Other things and other people can wait ... the one you are intentionally dating should be at the top of your priority list. When a long distance couple is dating, they should not only do fun things together, but also everyday chores and projects too. It is very revealing about another person how they do life. Also, the anticipation of getting together is very very nice and time together is not taken for granted at all. It's like waiting for Christmas...half the fun is the waiting and the planning!!

Have a great weekend!
~Linda
Cache' Connections

Look Who's Painted Herself Into a Corner!

Finding yourself in a corner? Check out the recommended reading at Cache' Connections. Also, follow this blog and join in the live, leader-led chats, listed under Scheduled Events.

~ Linda
Cache' Connections