Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
We occasionally like to provide free membership so those who have been a little squeamish about getting signed up will be provided an easy and free opportunity to give Cache' Connections a try. So this week, all unpaid members can receive free membership at Cache' Connections! They can simply sign onto the Cache' Connections website and Contact Us and request "free week." Within 24 hours, we will open their account through midnight on Friday, June 4.
Feel free to spread the word!
Also, we would love to have you as a friend on our Facebook Fan Page.
Have a relaxing safe weekend! Enjoy!
Friday, May 28, 2010
Wow, this event really snuck up on us! It's hard to believe it's only one week from today. We are so thankful that things are falling into place at the last hour though. We worked so hard to get our Contestants lined up, but then we realized last week that our emcee still had not come through. So we spent some time in prayer on the way to Lockport last week to finalize details with the church... and whaalaah! The first guy we came into contact with agreed off the bat to be our emcee! I guess I need to clarify that this wasn't just some guy we picked up off the street. Kevin is a staff member at the church and is not only skilled in leading worship and handling the technical aspects of an event, he also has acting experience! So we asked him and he agreed to be our up-front guy ... thank you God!
So yesterday we were working on the questions that the Bachelor will ask his Contestants and also the speed dating questions that the Bachelor and Contestants will ask each other. Here's a few samples:
What scripture has influenced your life the most and why?
Do you prefer brawn or brains in a guy?
Are you more of a cat person, dog person or other?
How good are you at following through in dating and communicating?
How much did they pay you to be in the show tonight?
Feel free to send your suggested questions to Cache' Connections here or as a comment on this blog.
We encourage singles in Chicagoland and beyond to venture to Lockport on Friday, June 4 for this unique outreach event. We're going to have some summer fun and glorify God in the process. Click here for all details and to register. See you there!
Kim and Linda
Thursday, May 27, 2010
This email came from a 65 year old attractive female in Illinois who is very disheartened about finding a Christian man at her age. She says:
"It is VERY hard to meet true Christian men and that is one of my priorities. I was on the Match site one time and stated that I was a Christian woman seeking a Christian man. I received a reply from a man that basically said some to the effect that your Christian people think you are better than everyone else and tired of them trying to tell him what to do. I was so set back because there was a lot of anger in his message. All I said was I was a Christian seeking a Christian man and that I attended church regularly. Needless to say that was enough for me to get right off that site. I did communicate with a couple of people and did not get a response. One was in East Peoria and was 7 years younger. I don't know how someone can write a person off due to age when they really don't know them. I've ALWAYS been told I look at least 10 years younger, no matter what age I am currently at. Age is just a number!! Thanks Kim."
Our hearts go out to these older women who are trying to follow God's word and are lonely and cannot seem to connect with single Christian guys their age. We have discussed the possibility of marketing to an older crowd, but we're just not sure how to reach them. In the meantime, we will continue to pray for these ladies and for God to show us a plan on how to help.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Finally! The female contestants who will be vying for a date with our chosen Bachelor, Lee Roupas, are revealed!
Meet Amy - I am not your typical 23 year old. I find it impossible to date men my age due to the fact that I've matured a little faster than most 23 year olds. I work full-time as a paralegal doing criminal defense and medical malpractice. I also attend school full-time. I am currently working on my Bachelor's in Business Administration and hope to attend law school in the next couple of years. In addition, I am a full-time mommy to a very active 4 year old named Michael. I have been very blessed with a great family that supports me in every way they can. Family is extremely important to me and I want it to be important to my significant other as well ... I really feel like I am at a place in my life where I am finally happy with myself and happy with who I am and can be in God. It took me a lot of brokenness and pain to finally get to a point where I realized that only God could heal the wounds on my heart. And I feel like he has done that. I know that I will never be happy in a relationship that isn’t pleasing to God, and so I humbly come to Cache Connections hoping that if it’s the Lord’s will, I will meet the man he has for me.
Meet Brandi - I spent the early part of my post-college life working on developing my career to the exclusion of all else. Unfortunately, in doing this, I found myself professionally happy, but personally unfulfilled. I couldn't escape the feeling that there was something missing. To fix this, I have been learning to let go, look at things more openly, and to find the joy and the miracle of everyday life. I am looking for someone to share in the adventures of rediscovering it. My family is a very important part of my life. They give me perspective (often in creative ways) and are always there to make me smile and laugh. My niece (who is three) is extremely talented at accomplishing this. My ideal match recognizes and appreciates the value that family can bring in one's life. I am very active and have a passion for exploring new places. While the beach is my favorite escape, I can spend hours just biking through the canopy of mature trees along the river and getting lost in it all.
Meet Casi - I am most passionate about living a life that is pleasing to God. I want to live my life to the fullest and not waste the gift of life that God has given me. I am also passionate about people. I desire to be used by God every day to act on His behalf and show his people love and compassion. I am a fairly low key person. I am laid-back yet I love to be active and have fun. I enjoy working out. I am not a health fanatic but in general I try to lead a healthy, active life. I LOVE to travel ,,, I am looking for someone that is passionate about God and about life and the things that he does. This is important to me and I want to share that with my significant other. I want my husband and me to live life to the fullest according to God's will. My desire is that we would grow together in our faith and that we would grow closer to God as we grow closer together. I am looking for someone that is kind and compassionate. Someone that makes me laugh. I want to be with someone that together we are better than we are alone.
Meet Lupe (alternate) - 100% fun loving, affectionate Latin woman that loves God and enjoys living life with friends and family. I come from a very large Mexican family (not physically lol) of 10 siblings! I have 3 brothers and 6 sisters with me being the youngest and cutest one :P. I am blessed to be a proud mom of a fifteen-year-old boy, a fourteen-year-old young lady and a nine-year-old girl. They keep me young and outgoing! ;) I'm very independent but am far from being a feminist. I do not have a problem giving a man his place while still being a strong woman myself ;) ... I've always said that finding a man is not hard at all; but finding the RIGHT man is! I don't know of anyone that loves to laugh and make others laugh more than I do! Laughter keeps us young, happy and interesting! I look forward to meeting someone that is not necessarily just like me. Challenge is a good thing. ;) I love God and pray for someone to come into our lives that can be a Godly leader in our home. I want to spend my life with my best friend and serve in ministry together. I also want to enjoy life and do things outside of church together like dance, watch movies, take long walks, drink coffee, laugh and so on....
If you are in the Chicagoland area, be sure to make plans on Friday, June 4 to attend The Cache' Connection show at Parkview Christian Church - Lockport Campus. It's going to be a great night of Christian entertainment, fellowship and fun for singles!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Tonight - Monday
Chat with member Faye from Florida, who will be leading a discussion on the best-seller written by Rick Warren, "The Purpose Driven Life." Faye will be focusing on Chapter 3, "What Drives Your Life."
The chat begins at 8:00 pm CST.
Chat with member and chosen Bachelor "Big Lee" of the upcoming Cache' Connection Show. Lee says he's ready for any questions you want to shoot him, from bodybuilding to why is he still single at 39?
The chat begins at 7:30 pm CST.
Next Monday we begin the series based on Dr. Stephen W. Simpson's book, "What Women Wish You Knew About Dating." If you haven't already - buy the book! Click Here for more information on upcoming chats, events and how to purchase Dr. Steve's book.
To access The Meeting Room:
go to: www.cacheconnections.com
click on: Community and Advice
click on: The Meeting Room
click on: Java screen
enter your CC username or first name and then the password: cachecommunity
(Note: It may be necessary for you to download Java software at java.com)
... and we couldn't send an email without showing you another video. Here's one on "Why the name Cache'?" Click Here
Kim and Linda
Friday, May 21, 2010
Yesterday we (obviously) did some clowning around and had some fun with members celebrating the 2nd anniversary of the launch of cacheconnections.com. If you didn't see it or need another chuckle, check out the video on yesterday's blog entry.
Throughout the day we ran different specials and promotions. A challenge was issued for the best testimonial about Cache' Connections. The winning testimonial was submitted by our friend Shaina:
Linda, I really liked the video and hearing about how Cache' Connections started. Thank you so much for all your hard work on getting it started and keep it running. Out of all the Christian dating sites I've been on, yours is by far the friendliest and most helpful. You two do an awesome job, and I don't say that lightly!! THANK YOU, really I mean it. ~Shaina
The past three years have indeed been filled with ups, downs, challenges and delightful moments, including attending a few CC weddings. The Lord has been good to us by sending us encouraging words such as Shaina wrote yesterday. Encouragement is such a powerful tool. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Who can you encourage today?
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Chat with Big Lee this Thursday evening in The Meeting Room at Cache' Connections this Thursday, May 20th. This chat will take place at 7:30 pm CST. Just sign in with your username or first name and the password "cachecommunity."
Also, ask questions of Big Lee, the main attraction of the upcoming Cache' Connection show. The Cache' Connection forum can be found at The Cache' Connection Forum. Just log on and post a question or comment.
As we wipe the sweat off our brows, we are happy to announce that we have secured three final contestants for The Cache' Connection Show, which will take place at Parkview Christian Church's Lockport Campus on 6/4/10.
What's the big deal, you wonder? Yeah, we thought it would be easy, too, to find three to five eligible bachelorettes to vie for a winning date with our chosen bachelor, "Big Lee." We'd simply call out for contestants between the ages of 29 and 39 and sift through dozens of applications. Well, we called ... and called. Even resorted to using the telephone - oh my! Many of the ladies we talked to were unavailable on that date, too shy to be on stage, and a little intimidated by Big Lee. (Despite his long list of accomplishments and obvious expertise at bodybuilding, he claims he's just a big teddy bear.) A few young ladies signed up and later became unavailable, keeping us on pins and needles for the last few months.
Finally, thank you God, we had a new Cache' Connections member sign up yesterday. A quick look through her profile proved she was definitely worth calling! Kim spoke to her yesterday and after just a little convincing, now-Contestant No. 3 said "she's in!" In fact, her sister told her she should try out for the real show, "The Bachelor."
Stay tuned for the big reveal of these three lovely ladies, coming on May 24. We will continue to accept applications for contestants through May 20. For more information on this fun event, click here.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Announcement! We will be starting a new series with the Monday night chats in The Meeting Room. Beginning on Monday, May 31 at 8:00 pm CST, Founder Linda will be leading a chat on Dr. Stephen W. Simpson's book, "What Women Wish You Knew About Dating." Click here to read more about Dr. Simpson, professor and Director of Clinical Training in the School of Psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary, and to purchase the book in time to join in the chats.
Written with men in mind, there's still plenty for women to pull from this fun read as well. "Dr. Steve" will help women decode men and shine the light on how they think and why they act the way they do. This is a great book for those who are less experienced with dating. Those who are - we may need your input!
"Dr. Steve" himself will be leading the second chat on this topic on 6/7/10 beginning at 9:00 pm CST. (Sorry so late, he's on the West coast and has to put his quadruplets to bed ... but that's another book.)
Tonight Linda wraps up with Chapter 10 of "The Singlehood Phenomenon - Fear That Marriage will Fail" at 8:00 pm cst. Next Monday, our member Faye is stepping in with a chat discussing the popular book written by Rick Warren, "The Purpose Driven Life." Faye will be focusing on Chapter 3, "What Drives Your Life." The chat begins at 8:00 pm CST. Check out all scheduled events and chats under Scheduled Events.
Help us help you make healthier choices in your dating life. Join in the chats! Here's how:
go to: www.cacheconnections.com
click on: Community and Advice
click on: The Meeting Room
click on: Java screen
enter your CC username or first name and then the password: cachecommunity
(note: it may be necessary to download Java's free software at java.com)
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Chat with "Expert Emily" Shupert
Topic: "Equally Yoked and Equally Matched"
7:00 pm CST
Chat with founder Linda Martin
Topic: Chapter 10, "The Singlehood Phenomenon"
8:00 pm CST
Here are instructions on how to participate in The Meeting Room:
go to: www.cacheconnections.com
click on: Community and Advice
click on: The Meeting Room
click on: Java screen
enter your CC username and then the password: cachecommunity
(It may be necessary to download Java software at java.com)
Have a great weekend!
Friday, May 14, 2010
We were recently directed to an article in Boundless Webzine, a website of Focus on the Family, entitled "Not Attracted to Him" by Candice Watters. One of Candice's readers wrote in with a dilemma regarding one of her longtime male "buddy" friends. The writer was sure that he was romantically interested in her, but despite his great qualities and character, she was not physically attracted to him. Her friends advised her that the potential relationship had virtually no chance due to her lack of physical attraction to him.
The topic of physical attraction is something that we hear about daily, and frankly - we're over it! Now don't get me wrong, yes, yes, there needs to be some element of physical attraction. But as we tell our mentoring clients, we've read that a person can actually "grow on you" after that heart-level connection is made. This world has clouded our minds into thinking that it's ALL about the physical, when in reality our relationships, all of them from our relationship with our heavenly Father, to our spouses, parents, siblings, coworkers and neighbors, should be at the heart level. Besides, how do you think that picture of Mr. or Ms. Right got into your head? I'll give you one hint: media.
Candice does a great job of explaining how she was in a similar situation with her then-boyfriend, now husband. In fact, she didn't like their first kiss! Hmmpff! She stated that she chose to make some changes in her appearance and attire to be more attractive to her new-found love. She goes on to give some fantastic advice on giving this God-given opportunity a chance. That's what we say at Cache' Connections - err on the side of being open to possibilities. You never know what God may have up his sleeve!
Please click here to read Candice Watters' great article in its entirety.
Have a great weekend!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Here's the schedule:
Cook Street Coffee
100 East Station Street
Barrington, IL 60010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
4:00 - 6:00 p.m.
16154 LaGrange Road
Orland Park, IL 60467
Monday, May 24, 2010
7:30 to 9:30 p.m.
Copper River Coffee & Tea
2535 W War Memorial Dr
Peoria, IL 61615-3500
Sunday, May 23, 2010
6:00 to 8:00 p.m.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
It seems like the first year and half we experienced a lot of negative feedback. It wasn't because we were doing anything different than we're doing now. I think it's just because we hadn't built trust yet and people are naturally skeptical of new businesses, especially an online matchmaking business. It doesn't help that there are so many sites out there that are not conducting themselves in a godly fashion.
Also, part of the problem is that a lot of singles have come from broken relationships and therefore have a lot of hurts and scars as a result. As Drs. Tom and Bev Rodgers say, "Hurting people, hurt people."
Early on we heard from a Christian speaker that employed the "hurdle approach." If the comment is hurtful and coming from a hurt person, "jump over it" as if it were a hurdle. In other words, don't allow it to be a brick wall. Once we learned this technique and how not to take their comments personally, we have been able to let it go and move forward. This isn't to say, we haven't learned anything from the negativity. We agreed from the beginning to evaluate the criticism and if there are substantial points that we can improve on, we will definitely take action to try to improve.
The good news is, we were just commenting on our return trip from Detroit that it seems that the tide is turning. The negative comments are minimal and instead we receive more encouragement and appreciation for what we're doing. Rarely a day goes by that we are not thanked by someone for what we are doing to help singles... either by email, phone call, or Facebook message. I think now that some time has gone by and people are getting more familiar with us and realizing that we are real people who care about them, they are changing their skepticism. We also feel that the Mentoring Services have helped people understand that we do have some valuable advice to offer. We hear quite often that we are now considered "experts," which is what Linda and I have worked and studied to achieve.
So, we are finding that credibility isn't achieved overnight. It's important to "hang in there" and keep on keeping on and things will come together in time. Only God knows what new changes will come about in another year.
Make it a great day and use your words to encourage everyone you can. It might just what they needed to help them persevere.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
We think we may have created a blogging monster, but here's another great post from our guest, B.J. from Georgia:
Okay, I have to admit, I missed a bit of my Southern upbringing, and didn’t properly introduce myself at my last posting. So a few tidbits about me.
1. The question I get most often usually revolves around being ’39 and single’. People seem to automatically turn into junior detectives trying to figure out how such an unseemly thing could happen. The answer, though simple, may not be obvious.
a. I have been through a time in my life when my maturity level would not have made me a good husband, so I didn’t try to become one.
b. Once I was ready to become one, I had dated enough women that I was pretty particular about what to look for in a potential wife. I’m open and receptive to what God has for me, and I don’t put Him on a timetable. That’s His job. In a nutshell, I’m 39 and single because I’m determined to find the right fit. God will let me know when that is. I’m happy and content. In the meantime, I enjoy all the rest of His blessings. He has given me, (as He gives everyone) MANY of them. I just make a pretty conscious effort to make sure that when the lady that God has sent crosses my path, I’ll be READY.
2. The things I say are my own personal opinions, based on my own experiences and viewpoint. No more, no less. I wouldn’t presume to preach to anyone about what they should do. That’s for each individual to decide, and if people get some type of good direction, or at least food for thought from what I say, so be it.
3. That said, I look at the Bible as a mirror, rather than as a magnifying glass. I take care of myself, and my progeny (when they come), and when it comes to everyone else, I speak my thoughts and beliefs, but ultimately leave it up to God to judge them. I believe firmly in “treating my neighbor as myself” and “not casting the first stone” at a ‘sinner’ due to the fact that, by definition, I am a ‘born sinner’ myself.
Okay enough about me. Back to dating. Last time I talked about “nice guys” and the need for men to properly use the “Womanese” definition of the phrase when we consider it. I wrote that blog because I’ve talked to a number of “nice guys” (the “Manglish” version, i.e. ‘too nice’) who could be really good catches, but got really frustrated because the lady they wanted to meet would usually end up being ‘just friends’ or liking him ‘like a brother’. Can’t build good marriage prospects from there. That information helped me out immensely, and I figured it could be helpful to someone else. (By the way, if you’re stuck on “womanese” and “manglish”, check out my previous blog…)
This time, let’s go in a different direction. This experience that I’d like to share can quite possibly help men and women alike.
I used to be a personal trainer. That was one of the most fun jobs, because I got to really abuse people (in a good way), they would hate my guts for all of a month or so, and then want to name their children after me by month 3. One lady in particular that I trained was overweight (not morbidly, but she was out of shape), not happy about it and not very motivated. She was also single (and NOT happy about it), and I was in a relationship at the time. One day, we had a conversation about men, and how “shallow” we are, when it comes to weight. She thought it was unfair that she had to starve herself and do all this hard work, just to make herself attractive to a man she desired.
My response to her, was not to look at working out and eating properly as something to do for men, but something to do for herself. Also, she didn’t need to think about getting ‘skinny’, she needed to think about it as getting ‘healthy’. Being overweight, and/or out of shape causes all kinds of preventable health problems, can mess with our confidence, and shorten our life spans. Somehow I don’t think that is God’s plan. In my opinion, He wants us to be the best “me” we can be. A lot of us have other priorities, but being our absolute best in health, character, etc (kind of like what the “womanese” version of a “nice guy” needs to be) has benefits that go far beyond our imaginations.
I never had a client that regretted the lifestyle change that helped them get into better shape. They didn’t just look better, they FELT better, gained more confidence and energy, and, as time progressed, a lot of other factors in their lives became better as well. It’s as if their decision to improve themselves… and the implementation of it… allowed God to shower them with many, many more blessings.
This made me think. When people are in the dating world, and they say things like “I’ve been waiting patiently for God to bring me the right person, but it is taking too long”, could it be that God is also WAITING FOR THEM to prioritize improving their lives in some way so that he will shower blessings on them?
Cache' Connections member
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Happy Mother's Day! Today the single moms are heavy on my heart. This is one area where Kim and I definitely cannot relate and won't even pretend that we know what you go through as single mothers. We can only imagine the challenges you face day to day, sometimes hour to hour, paycheck to paycheck.
Thank you. I know your kids don't say it enough - but thank you. Thanks for buying the groceries and cooking them up, the tennis shoes and sometimes even the latest fashion, and for keeping the bills paid. Thanks for going over the homework and keeping track of the kids. Thanks for making all the hard decisions, and for sticking to your guns when it would be so much easier to give in. I know that you give up your personal desires so that your children can have "things." But things are not all that you give. You give of yourself - your time, your talents, and most of all your hearts.
I read this quote today on Facebook and feel compelled to pass it along:
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
This - we can relate to. So here's a challenge to all of our readers today: How can you bless a single mom today? Say a prayer, buy a rose, wash a car, steal away a small child for a few hours, take a boy fishing, take a girl shopping. Give her a coupon for 2 hours of free babysitting. The Church has been commissioned to take care of widows and orphans, and I believe that single moms can be included in this responsibility.
Today at Cache' Connections, we want to bless the single moms across the United States. Just click Join Now at www.cacheconnections.com and go through the Sign-up process without entering your billing information. Then send us an email and request free membership for Mother's Day. Some time today or tomorrow, we will open your account with no cost or obligation for two weeks. Current members can write to us and ask for a two-week extension.
Happy Mother's Day! Let's make sure it is so for all moms today.
Friday, May 7, 2010
One of our friends, fans and members, B.J. from Atlanta, offered his thoughts on dating for today's blog entry. Being a 39 year old bachelor, he has lots of experience.
Dating as a Christian Single Guy (CSG) is something that I have found both exhilarating and confusing. Fun and sometimes frustrating. The good thing about confusion and frustration? They always give me an incentive to try and figure things out.
One thing that plagued me for some years (especially during my youth) was this phrase that I would hear from the fairer sex… “I really just want a nice guy”…
At the time, I was nice, courteous, generous, and did all the things that mom taught me I was supposed to do to treat women well. Yet, when this “nice guy” would make an approach, I kept finding myself in the dreaded “friend zone”, or I was told that the lady in question “liked me like a brother”. (NOT a shining moment let me tell you.) The guys they did pick? The “Bad Boys” who were anything BUT nice. Then, once the relationship ended badly (usually due to the “bad boy” being “bad”) she would come back to the ‘friend zone’ and complain to… me. Do any other guys know what that one feels like? A cup of castor oil tastes a lot better.
So I set out to figure out what was going on. This was too important of an issue not to have a realistic solution. Then one day, after spending some time researching, asking the wrong questions (which led to the right ones), finally it dawned on me what this (and quite a few other frustrating things about dating) was all about.
The answer lies in translation. Although men and women in the U.S. both speak English, we still speak two separate languages, which I have heard called “Manglish” and “Womanese”. Once I was able to translate the term “nice guy” from “Womanese into “Manglish” it all made sense. Here’s what I found.
For men. First of all, to understand “nice guy”, we have to understand what our lady friends mean when they say “guy”, regarding someone they want to date. It doesn’t just mean “a male human being over the age of 18”. It means something more like, “a confident, healthy, clinically sane, male over the age of 18 (preferably much older than that, depending on who’s speaking), who has clean fingernails, hair, teeth and ears (pretty much everything else needs to be clean too, but that’s the first places to look), well-kempt shoes, a playful and unpredictable, yet take-charge-masculine nature… who makes her feel safe… and it wouldn’t be bad if he‘ s pretty easy on the eyes.” All that translates into “Manglish” as “guy” (it varies sometimes, but that’s a good nutshell version). THAT is who these ladies wanted to be “nice” (having a good work ethic, impeccable character, and old school manners, among other things). ‘Nice’ is the icing, ‘guy’ is the cake.
Bad boys weren’t necessarily nice, but they were guys, at least to some extent. They were normally confident, unpredictable, and made her feel safe (in a way, LOL), which were the most important parts of the definition. Mom didn’t teach me that. “Bad boys” did.
As men, I think it benefits us greatly to understand, and aim for the “Womanese” definition of “nice guy”. It has kept this CSG out of the “friend zone” more than a few times…
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Are you ready to get connected? There is a great special for the month of May. Purchase a one month subscription or longer, and receive a 50% savings! Promo code: May2010.
Here are sample prices:
$29.95 - 1 month - now $14.98
$64.95 - 3 months - now $32.48
$99.95 - 6 months - now $49.98
$149.95 - 12 months - now $74.98
$349.95 - Until Married - now $174.98
Also, if you are in states outside of Illinois, Indiana and Michigan, we will give you FREE membership until June 30th. Just fill out the SIGN UP page at Cache' Connections and contact us requesting free membership. We will then open your account until June 30th.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Last night's chat was on a not-so-fun topic of dealing with breakups. We've all had them, but it is all too common to deal with them inappropriately. Almost all of the participants had dated someone who could only talk about their "ex," going on and on about how poorly they were treated. Drs. Tom and Bev Rodgers, authors of The Singlehood Phenomenon, state that this is a sure sign that a person has not healed.
Grieving is uncomfortable; most people don't want to go through the grieving process because of the pain. Our "feel good" society encourages us to move on to the next "fix," which is merely a band-aid to mask the pain of a prior heartbreak. The doctors say, "you can't heal what you can't feel." We must allow ourselves to feel the pain, hurt and rejection of the demise of a relationship. Also, it's important to prayerfully consider what part you played in the downfall of the relationship, and allow God to heal your heart.
According to Imago relationship theory, if you don't become consciously aware of your unhealthy attraction patterns, you are likely to pick mates who are similar to each other. So if you had a bad relationship and don't recover from it, you are likely to repeating old patterns. As one chatter said, "you treat the good guy like the bad guy - oh no!"
The doctors recommend waiting three months after a dating break-up. This, of course, depends on the length of the relationship and whether the break-up was a "clean break." We joked that it can't be three months of stalking :)
Some of the chatters were surprised to hear that the accepted waiting period before pursuing a relationship after divorce is 1 year for every 4 years of marriage.
The only male participant had the full attention of the ladies. He said, "I'd say guys cover up our hurts as a matter of instinct, which isn't the best way to handle it. We don't open up about things much. We certainly feel though." He stated that guys don't want to talk to women about these issues, but the right friend/brother/pastor can be very helpful in reviewing the situation and helping to see it in the proper light.
The group encouraged each other and gave plenty of tips on how they handled their heartbreak and found healing, with God's help.
Join us next Monday, May 10 as we discuss Chapter 9, An Unbalanced Focus on Career.
Click on The Meeting Room and enter with your first name or username and the password, cachecommunity.
Monday, May 3, 2010
The "Cache' Connection" show is coming up quickly on June 4th at Parkview Church - Lockport Campus. In the meantime, many pre-show happenings are taking place on the Cache' Connections website. For starters, we've enlisted some help from some well respected personalities in the Chicagoland area to help Bachelor Lee make his decision in choosing his winning date. We are excited to announce the three Cache' Consultants below:
Pastor Wally Marshall
Pastor Wally has been on staff at Willow Creek Community Church for the last 11 years. Currently he serves as the Area pastor for the Palatine and Barrington communities where he develops teams of leaders over the community life ministry. Prior to coming to Willow Creek, he served 13 years on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ in San Diego, CA and Boulder, CO with college and professional athletes. He lives with his wife Kaleen and two grown boys in Algonquin. He loves golf, soccer and most sports, which includes the challenge of running marathons.
Camerin is the author of Table for One and The unGuide to Dating. She’s the former editor of Today’s Christian Woman magazine, and for ten years she was the lead columnist for ChristianSinglesToday.com. Camerin also writes movie reviews for Christianity Today and speaks at singles conferences across the country. When she’s not writing or speaking, Camerin enjoys traveling the globe. She’s been to 19 countries outside the U.S. – and counting. She’s a self-proclaimed foodie, a coffee addict, and an adoring aunt to her seven-year-old nephew and four-year-old niece. Find out more at www.CamerinCourtney.com.
Andy has been on staff at Meier Clinics since 1994. He specializes in treating children, adolescents and their parents for a wide range of concerns, including Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (A.D.H.D.), parent-child issues and relationships, adult recovery from childhood wounds, marital and couples counseling. Andy, the single father of a14 year old son, is a professional Footbag (Hacky Sack) player and has appeared in the Guinness Book of World Records.
We also have launched the Cache' Connections Forum where anyone can post a question for Bachelor Lee to answer. Feel free to join in and shoot Lee a question about himself or who he's looking for at the Forum.
Also, remember we have room for 300 audience members! Preregistration is underway at "The Cache' Connection."
We hope to see you there!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Meet Debby, one of Cache' Connections' biggest fans. She offered this testimonial when at the recent Cache' Connections Live! event in St. Charles, Illinois. She and her sweetheart and beginning to think in terms of a future together - oh my!